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Thinking about Love: Essays in Contemporary Continental Philosophy

Diane Enns and Antonio Calcagno (eds.), Thinking about Love: Essays in Contemporary Continental Philosophy,  Pennsylvania State University Press, 2015, 262pp., $84.95 (hbk), ISBN 9780271070964.

Reviewed by Helen A. Fielding, The University of Western Ontario

This collection addresses a lacuna in contemporary continental philosophy: thinking about love. As the editors explain, Western philosophers tend to avoid addressing love since it is associated more closely with the body and emotion, instead attending to what is deemed to be the business of philosophy, delimiting reason. The matter of love has been left to poets and musicians. But as they further point out, "love is not beyond thinking." Love both motivates and transforms us, and is thus part of the human condition (1). While a few philosophers in the Anglo-American philosophical tradition have explicitly addressed love, within the continental tradition, philosophical meditation on love has generally been linked to theology. This means there is a need for attention from continental philosophers on this theme since they raise different kinds of questions concerning love, questions about subjectivity, identity and the ways we relate to one another. As such, this collection provides a much-needed intervention on the intertwinings of thinking and love. To this end, the book is thematically organized: divided into five parts it addresses the limits of love, love's intersection with the divine, with politics and with phenomenological experience as well as the stories love allows us to tell.

In the first section, "Human Vulnerability and the Limits of Love," three philosophers explore what defines love as love, and their conclusions vary widely, provoking the question of whether it's even possible to find agreement about what constitutes love. Perhaps it is precisely the varied possibilities for defining love's limits -- possibilities that cannot be discovered through reason -- that make it so difficult to thematize and yet provide the other side to reason that makes it human. For Todd May, the limit of love is our mortality. That we will die is what guarantees its intensity. Exploring the ways in which love has been taken up in the analytic tradition, he concludes that the one common element is that romantic love entails an intensity of engagement (23). Because romantic love between two people "occurs not only for but also with the other," it requires that the relationship be between equals who also "consider each other to be equals" (24). In his reading of the film Ground Hog Day (1993), where one day is repeated over and over again, he further concludes that a relationship between equals not governed by the limit of death would lose its intensity, and similarly, watching our lover age reminds us of the limit of the time we will be together, of its ephemerality.

Diane Enns' lyrical essay, "Love's Limit", takes a completely different turn. Countering the liberal perspective that champions love between equal and sovereign selves who enjoy a love that endures and "is not supposed to fail" (33), she defends love between imperfect individuals, where there is jealously, obsessiveness, and abandonment of the self. It is love that is more often referred to as "masochism, repetition compulsion, fantasy, an unhealthy attachment" (34). In dialogue with Beauvoir she suggests we consider the limit of love from the "perspective of the loving self". This shift in focus from autonomy to vulnerability entails openness and risk: "For there is no love without abandoning one's position and 'crossing' over an abyss like an acrobat" (36-37). To love imperfectly is human, and "failed relationships do not necessitate failed love" (41). Thus to love is to open ourselves to the other's vulnerabilities and weaknesses, to open our selves to being transformed by love. Accordingly, the limit of love for Enns is when the lover's "capacity for love is harmed." For "lovers cannot endure all things." What must be preserved are the conditions of love that allow for a spacing and "movement of love between two" (43). It is the question of whether it's even possible to love in our contemporary world that John Caruana explores. Drawing on the work of Julia Kristeva, he explores the symbolic and semiotic aspects of love, arguing that contemporary phenomena of self-harm ranging from cutting to the ISIS terrorist "prepared to maim and kill innocents" point towards "an unparalleled crisis in subjectivity, an inability to love" (47). What are required are narratives and images to support psychic renewal, and the ability to believe again in the world, "a secular symbolic discourse that would promote flourishing subjects" (59).

The four essays in part two, "Love, Desire, and the Divine," focus on love as transcendence. In this section, we see consistency amongst the authors who all seem to conclude in some way that transcendence can be found in the particularity of love, in its erotic articulations rather than the universality of love as general and passionless. Christina M. Gschwandtner turns critically to the work of contemporary continental philosophers of religion who are inspired by theological affirmations of Christ's "kenotic" love, which she describes as one of devotion and self-sacrifice. It is the exclusivity of kenotic love that is problematic for Gschwandtner, in that applied to our everyday lives it can provide justification for the kind of self-sacrificing love often demanded of women, or that provides justifications for all kinds of abuse (75). Kenotic love does have place in philosophy, but only as a religious phenomenon rather than a "general phenomenological account of all loving relations". Mélanie Walton, drawing on Lyotard, privileges eros over caritas or charity. The problem with caritas , the Christian narrative of love, is that it ultimately produces a closed system, "a universal, circular, and conditional logic" with a "meaning that has been given in advance," and that "necessitates one's free commitment". As a universal love it does not recognize the particularities of love: "the subject marching under this banner does not actually have the freedom to choose and enact love toward another subject." (103) Erotic desire on the other hand, because it is unpredictable, provides for an open system from which change, and justice can be effected.

Felix Ó Murchadha also comes out on the side of erotic love, arguing against the duality of self that separates the responsible self from passion in the philosophical tradition. Ó Murchadha observes that though there is always the danger of losing oneself in love, ultimately we become fully ourselves only through being in love; thus privileging the autonomous thinking subject is to forget that the self emerges from "the between space of being in love" (96). While Ó Murchadha, focusing on the emergence of the self, concludes that "to be a person is to be in love," Antonio Calcagno turns his attention to the way that desire motivates the mind in its engagement with the world (90). Focusing critically on the work of Hannah Arendt, Calcagno argues her account of the life of the mind requires a "more robust understanding of desire." As he points out, the object of desire, which lies outside the self, is precisely that which moves us to "to desire to think, judge, and will" (114). Indeed, thinking, judging and willing as described by Arendt entail a "kind of passivity or receptivity," which opens the mind to that which is other than the self. The mind's activity is accordingly "solicited by desire" for that which lies beyond the self, and this desire needs to be taken into account in our theorizing about the life of the mind.

While the thematic arrangement of the essays does work, any such arrangement sets up particular conversations. The two essays on love and politics, for example, consider how change can emerge when love is considered as a social phenomenon. Sophie Bourgault considers the role of love in politics by turning to the seemingly disparate perspectives of Arendt and Simone Weil. There is no place for love and compassion in politics according to Arendt, while for Weil, compassion is precisely what is called for. For Arendt, politics is characterized by speech and action, but Weil's concern is that those who are most disadvantaged have no voice. But as Bourgault points out, the two thinkers do come together in their agreement that what is needed in our modern world is "more thoughtfulness and (empathetic) attention" (165). Rethought as attention, love has a place in the social and political world. This is not insignificant, as Christian Lotz reminds us. For, within the context of recent left political philosophy developed by thinkers such as Hardt, Negri, and Badiou, love seems to be granted a metaphysical status. Lotz reminds us, however, of the Marxist critique of essentialist conceptions of love which "tend to overlook the material, historical, and social form that love takes on in real individuals" shaped by class (131). Also connecting the particular to the general, Lotz points out that "What we can see, feel hear is not sensual in an abstract sense; rather, it is the result of concrete historical forms of how we are related to one another, and of how the sensual world is itself reproduced through labor" (133). In other words, love allows us to engage in particular and concrete relations in a world that is shaped through material relations. Lotz concludes that rather than thinking about love "in terms of a truth procedure (Badiou) or an ontological event (Negri)," it is the social aspect of love, and the ways in which it is produced to which we should turn our attention (147).

Dorothea Olkowski, whose essay completes the fourth part on the phenomenological experience of love, is also concerned with forms of love, in particular in light of recent neurophysiological explanations of love that cannot account for intentionality. In working through her ontology of love, she draws on Merleau-Ponty, in particular his early work "on the interplay of the organism and the phenomenal field" (202). Like Lotz, Olkowski thinks through sensory perception drawing on form. In this case the "sensory value of each element is determined by its function in the whole and varies with it. Every action undertaken modifies the field where it occurs and establishes lines of force within which action unfolds and alters the phenomenal field" (207). This means that sensory input alone is not sufficient for explaining why we respond in certain ways. Instead, what is needed is an account of intentionality, of consciousness of certain objects and the ways we take them up, consciousness of the actions we take, of the words we speak, and the ways in which these "consciously constitute the intention(s) in which they are involved" (207). Consciousness and the world are intertwined. Relations are motivated and not causal in one direction, and "there is a 'network of significative intentions,' more or less clear, lived rather than known" (208). So desire cannot be mere instinct or drive. Instincts are part of an entire organism or structure, which means that they cannot be separated out from perception, intelligence and emotions. Physical events do not equate with situations, which are the lived interpretation of what takes place.

Also drawing on Merleau-Ponty and our intertwinement with the world, Fiona Utley explores the ways in which the loving bonds we create in the world not only anchor us there but also provide us with "another self who shares and knows the intimate structures of our world" (169). This means for Utley that to love we must trust. Thus, the trust that sustains this love must be central to human existence. Utley picks up here on a theme others in this volume have explored, namely that loving makes us vulnerable. It opens us to the risk of heartbreak, of "violence, cruelty and death" (175). Marguerite La Caze explores this close relation between love and hate through the work of Beauvoir. Supporting Utley's findings, she concludes that love allows for both reciprocal and ambiguous relations that belong to being human. Hate, however, is not relational as such. It stresses the "material, object status of the hated offender."

The final two essays are thematized as love stories. Dawne McCance writes eloquently about Derrida as a philosopher who did not practice "philosophical detachment" when he wrote about love. Coming back to the opening theme that any binary of reason and emotion is doomed from the start, she explains how Derrida's "deconstruction is not only about acknowledging difference", but "is also about being open to being altered in one's encounter" with it (222). It is about changing how we think as well as what we think about. Alphonso Lingis puts this into practice, dwelling on practices of loving and living that shape the ways we think about ourselves and our relations to nature.

This collection opens up an overdue discussion of the intersections of love and thinking within the continental tradition. Some of the observations were ones I anticipated; others were surprising. My only real criticism is that there is no mention of the work of Luce Irigaray, a contemporary continental philosopher for whom love is at the center of her work. Nonetheless, it is easy to fault a work for what it has not done. In the end it must be judged by what it has accomplished, and that by all measures is much.

New Philosophical Essays on Love and Loving

• © 2021
• Simon Cushing 0

University of Michigan–Flint, Flint, USA

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• New philosophical essays on love by a diverse group of international scholars
• Includes contributions to the ongoing debate on whether love is arational or if there are reasons for love
• Also whether love can explain the difference between nationalism and patriotism

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Table of contents (14 chapters)

Front matter, introduction.

Simon Cushing

Making Room for Love in Kantian Ethics

• Ernesto V. Garcia

Iris Murdoch and the Epistemic Significance of Love

• Cathy Mason

‘Love’ as a Practice: Looking at Real People

• Lotte Spreeuwenberg

Love, Choice, and Taking Responsibility

• Christopher Cowley

Not All’s Fair in Love and War: Toward Just Love Theory

• Andrew Sneddon

Doubting Love

• Larry A. Herzberg

Love and Free Agency

• Ishtiyaque Haji

Sentimental Reasons

• Edgar Phillips

Wouldn’t It Be Nice: Enticing Reasons for Love

• N. L. Engel-Hawbecker

Love, Motivation, and Reasons: The Case of the Drowning Wife

• Monica Roland

Can Our Beloved Pets Love Us Back?

• Ryan Stringer

Romantic Love Between Humans and AIs: A Feminist Ethical Critique

• Andrea Klonschinski, Michael Kühler

Patriotism and Nationalism as Two Distinct Ways of Loving One’s Country

• Maria Ioannou, Martijn Boot, Ryan Wittingslow, Adriana Mattos

Back Matter

• Rationality
• Artificial Intelligence
• Iris Murdoch
• Non-Human Animals

About this book

Editors and affiliations, about the editor, bibliographic information.

Book Title : New Philosophical Essays on Love and Loving

Editors : Simon Cushing

DOI : https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-72324-8

Publisher : Palgrave Macmillan Cham

eBook Packages : Religion and Philosophy , Philosophy and Religion (R0)

Copyright Information : The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive license to Springer Nature Switzerland AG 2021

Hardcover ISBN : 978-3-030-72323-1 Published: 21 September 2021

Softcover ISBN : 978-3-030-72326-2 Published: 22 September 2022

eBook ISBN : 978-3-030-72324-8 Published: 20 September 2021

Edition Number : 1

Number of Pages : XII, 322

Topics : Philosophy of Mind , Ethics , Social Philosophy , Emotion

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Paris, 1951. Photo by Elliot Erwitt/Magnum

Loved, yet lonely

You might have the unconditional love of family and friends and yet feel deep loneliness. can philosophy explain why.

by Kaitlyn Creasy   + BIO

Although one of the loneliest moments of my life happened more than 15 years ago, I still remember its uniquely painful sting. I had just arrived back home from a study abroad semester in Italy. During my stay in Florence, my Italian had advanced to the point where I was dreaming in the language. I had also developed intellectual interests in Italian futurism, Dada, and Russian absurdism – interests not entirely deriving from a crush on the professor who taught a course on those topics – as well as the love sonnets of Dante and Petrarch (conceivably also related to that crush). I left my semester abroad feeling as many students likely do: transformed not only intellectually but emotionally. My picture of the world was complicated, my very experience of that world richer, more nuanced.

After that semester, I returned home to a small working-class town in New Jersey. Home proper was my boyfriend’s parents’ home, which was in the process of foreclosure but not yet taken by the bank. Both parents had left to live elsewhere, and they graciously allowed me to stay there with my boyfriend, his sister and her boyfriend during college breaks. While on break from school, I spent most of my time with these de facto roommates and a handful of my dearest childhood friends.

When I returned from Italy, there was so much I wanted to share with them. I wanted to talk to my boyfriend about how aesthetically interesting but intellectually dull I found Italian futurism; I wanted to communicate to my closest friends how deeply those Italian love sonnets moved me, how Bob Dylan so wonderfully captured their power. (‘And every one of them words rang true/and glowed like burning coal/Pouring off of every page/like it was written in my soul …’) In addition to a strongly felt need to share specific parts of my intellectual and emotional lives that had become so central to my self-understanding, I also experienced a dramatically increased need to engage intellectually, as well as an acute need for my emotional life in all its depth and richness – for my whole being, this new being – to be appreciated. When I returned home, I felt not only unable to engage with others in ways that met my newly developed needs, but also unrecognised for who I had become since I left. And I felt deeply, painfully lonely.

This experience is not uncommon for study-abroad students. Even when one has a caring and supportive network of relationships, one will often experience ‘reverse culture shock’ – what the psychologist Kevin Gaw describes as a ‘process of readjusting, reacculturating, and reassimilating into one’s own home culture after living in a different culture for a significant period of time’ – and feelings of loneliness are characteristic for individuals in the throes of this process.

But there are many other familiar life experiences that provoke feelings of loneliness, even if the individuals undergoing those experiences have loving friends and family: the student who comes home to his family and friends after a transformative first year at college; the adolescent who returns home to her loving but repressed parents after a sexual awakening at summer camp; the first-generation woman of colour in graduate school who feels cared for but also perpetually ‘ in-between ’ worlds, misunderstood and not fully seen either by her department members or her family and friends back home; the travel nurse who returns home to her partner and friends after an especially meaningful (or perhaps especially psychologically taxing) work assignment; the man who goes through a difficult breakup with a long-term, live-in partner; the woman who is the first in her group of friends to become a parent; the list goes on.

Nor does it take a transformative life event to provoke feelings of loneliness. As time passes, it often happens that friends and family who used to understand us quite well eventually fail to understand us as they once did, failing to really see us as they used to before. This, too, will tend to lead to feelings of loneliness – though the loneliness may creep in more gradually, more surreptitiously. Loneliness, it seems, is an existential hazard, something to which human beings are always vulnerable – and not just when they are alone.

In his recent book Life Is Hard (2022), the philosopher Kieran Setiya characterises loneliness as the ‘pain of social disconnection’. There, he argues for the importance of attending to the nature of loneliness – both why it hurts and what ‘that pain tell[s] us about how to live’ – especially given the contemporary prevalence of loneliness. He rightly notes that loneliness is not just a matter of being isolated from others entirely, since one can be lonely even in a room full of people. Additionally, he notes that, since the negative psychological and physiological effects of loneliness ‘seem to depend on the subjective experience of being lonely’, effectively combatting loneliness requires us to identify the origin of this subjective experience.

S etiya’s proposal is that we are ‘social animals with social needs’ that crucially include needs to be loved and to have our basic worth recognised. When we fail to have these basic needs met, as we do when we are apart from our friends, we suffer loneliness. Without the presence of friends to assure us that we matter, we experience the painful ‘sensation of hollowness, of a hole in oneself that used to be filled and now is not’. This is loneliness in its most elemental form. (Setiya uses the term ‘friends’ broadly, to include close family and romantic partners, and I follow his usage here.)

Imagine a woman who lands a job requiring a long-distance move to an area where she knows no one. Even if there are plenty of new neighbours and colleagues to greet her upon her arrival, Setiya’s claim is that she will tend to experience feelings of loneliness, since she does not yet have close, loving relationships with these people. In other words, she will tend to experience feelings of loneliness because she does not yet have friends whose love of her reflects back to her the basic value as a person that she has, friends who let her see that she matters. Only when she makes genuine friendships will she feel her unconditional value is acknowledged; only then will her basic social needs to be loved and recognised be met. Once she feels she truly matters to someone, in Setiya’s view, her loneliness will abate.

Setiya is not alone in connecting feelings of loneliness to a lack of basic recognition. In The Origins of Totalitarianism (1951), for example, Hannah Arendt also defines loneliness as a feeling that results when one’s human dignity or unconditional worth as a person fails to be recognised and affirmed, a feeling that results when this, one of the ‘basic requirements of the human condition’, fails to be met.

These accounts get a good deal about loneliness right. But they miss something as well. On these views, loving friendships allow us to avoid loneliness because the loving friend provides a form of recognition we require as social beings. Without loving friendships, or when we are apart from our friends, we are unable to secure this recognition. So we become lonely. But notice that the feature affirmed by the friend here – my unconditional value – is radically depersonalised. The property the friend recognises and affirms in me is the same property she recognises and affirms in her other friendships. Otherwise put, the recognition that allegedly mitigates loneliness in Setiya’s view is the friend’s recognition of an impersonal, abstract feature of oneself, a quality one shares with every other human being: her unconditional worth as a human being. (The recognition given by the loving friend is that I ‘[matter] … just like everyone else.’)

Just as one can feel lonely in a room full of strangers, one can feel lonely in a room full of friends

Since my dignity or worth is disconnected from any particular feature of myself as an individual, however, my friend can recognise and affirm that worth without acknowledging or engaging my particular needs, specific values and so on. If Setiya is calling it right, then that friend can assuage my loneliness without engaging my individuality.

Or can they? Accounts that tie loneliness to a failure of basic recognition (and the alleviation of loneliness to love and acknowledgement of one’s dignity) may be right about the origin of certain forms of loneliness. But it seems to me that this is far from the whole picture, and that accounts like these fail to explain a wide variety of familiar circumstances in which loneliness arises.

When I came home from my study-abroad semester, I returned to a network of robust, loving friendships. I was surrounded daily by a steadfast group of people who persistently acknowledged and affirmed my unconditional value as a person, putting up with my obnoxious pretension (so it must have seemed) and accepting me even though I was alien in crucial ways to the friend they knew before. Yet I still suffered loneliness. In fact, while I had more close friendships than ever before – and was as close with friends and family members as I had ever been – I was lonelier than ever. And this is also true of the familiar scenarios from above: the first-year college student, the new parent, the travel nurse, and so on. All these scenarios are ripe for painful feelings of loneliness even though the individuals undergoing such experiences have a loving network of friends, family and colleagues who support them and recognise their unconditional value.

So, there must be more to loneliness than Setiya’s account (and others like it) let on. Of course, if an individual’s worth goes unrecognised, she will feel awfully lonely. But just as one can feel lonely in a room full of strangers, one can feel lonely in a room full of friends. What plagues accounts that tie loneliness to an absence of basic recognition is that they fail to do justice to loneliness as a feeling that pops up not only when one lacks sufficiently loving, affirmative relationships, but also when one perceives that the relationships she has (including and perhaps especially loving relationships) lack sufficient quality (for example, lacking depth or a desired feeling of connection). And an individual will perceive such relationships as lacking sufficient quality when her friends and family are not meeting the specific needs she has, or recognising and affirming her as the particular individual that she is.

We see this especially in the midst or aftermath of transitional and transformational life events, when greater-than-usual shifts occur. As the result of going through such experiences, we often develop new values, core needs and centrally motivating desires, losing other values, needs and desires in the process. In other words, after undergoing a particularly transformative experience, we become different people in key respects than we were before. If after such a personal transformation, our friends are unable to meet our newly developed core needs or recognise and affirm our new values and central desires – perhaps in large part because they cannot , because they do not (yet) recognise or understand who we have become – we will suffer loneliness.

This is what happened to me after Italy. By the time I got back, I had developed new core needs – as one example, the need for a certain level and kind of intellectual engagement – which were unmet when I returned home. What’s more, I did not think it particularly fair to expect my friends to meet these needs. After all, they did not possess the conceptual frameworks for discussing Russian absurdism or 13th-century Italian love sonnets; these just weren’t things they had spent time thinking about. And I didn’t blame them; expecting them to develop or care about developing such a conceptual framework seemed to me ridiculous. Even so, without a shared framework, I felt unable to meet my need for intellectual engagement and communicate to my friends the fullness of my inner life, which was overtaken by quite specific aesthetic values, values that shaped how I saw the world. As a result, I felt lonely.

I n addition to developing new needs, I understood myself as having changed in other fundamental respects. While I knew my friends loved me and affirmed my unconditional value, I did not feel upon my return home that they were able to see and affirm my individuality. I was radically changed; in fact, I felt in certain respects totally unrecognisable even to those who knew me best. After Italy, I inhabited a different, more nuanced perspective on the world; beauty, creativity and intellectual growth had become core values of mine; I had become a serious lover of poetry; I understood myself as a burgeoning philosopher. At the time, my closest friends were not able to see and affirm these parts of me, parts of me with which even relative strangers in my college courses were acquainted (though, of course, those acquaintances neither knew me nor were equipped to meet other of my needs which my friends had long met). When I returned home, I no longer felt truly seen by my friends .

One need not spend a semester abroad to experience this. For example, a nurse who initially chose her profession as a means to professional and financial stability might, after an especially meaningful experience with a patient, find herself newly and centrally motivated by a desire to make a difference in her patients’ lives. Along with the landscape of her desires, her core values may have changed: perhaps she develops a new core value of alleviating suffering whenever possible. And she may find certain features of her job – those that do not involve the alleviation of suffering, or involve the limited alleviation of suffering – not as fulfilling as they once were. In other words, she may have developed a new need for a certain form of meaningful difference-making – a need that, if not met, leaves her feeling flat and deeply dissatisfied.

Changes like these – changes to what truly moves you, to what makes you feel deeply fulfilled – are profound ones. To be changed in these respects is to be utterly changed. Even if you have loving friendships, if your friends are unable to recognise and affirm these new features of you, you may fail to feel seen, fail to feel valued as who you really are. At that point, loneliness will ensue. Interestingly – and especially troublesome for Setiya’s account – feelings of loneliness will tend to be especially salient and painful when the people unable to meet these needs are those who already love us and affirm our unconditional value.

Those with a strong need for their uniqueness to be recognised may be more disposed to loneliness

So, even with loving friends, if we perceive ourselves as unable to be seen and affirmed as the particular people we are, or if certain of our core needs go unmet, we will feel lonely. Setiya is surely right that loneliness will result in the absence of love and recognition. But it can also result from the inability – and sometimes, failure – of those with whom we have loving relationships to share or affirm our values, to endorse desires that we understand as central to our lives, and to satisfy our needs.

Another way to put it is that our social needs go far beyond the impersonal recognition of our unconditional worth as human beings. These needs can be as widespread as a need for reciprocal emotional attachment or as restricted as a need for a certain level of intellectual engagement or creative exchange. But even when the need in question is a restricted or uncommon one, if it is a deep need that requires another person to meet yet goes unmet, we will feel lonely. The fact that we suffer loneliness even when these quite specific needs are unmet shows that understanding and treating this feeling requires attending not just to whether my worth is affirmed, but to whether I am recognised and affirmed in my particularity and whether my particular, even idiosyncratic social needs are met by those around me.

What’s more, since different people have different needs, the conditions that produce loneliness will vary. Those with a strong need for their uniqueness to be recognised may be more disposed to loneliness. Others with weaker needs for recognition or reciprocal emotional attachment may experience a good deal of social isolation without feeling lonely at all. Some people might alleviate loneliness by cultivating a wide circle of not-especially-close friends, each of whom meets a different need or appreciates a different side of them. Yet others might persist in their loneliness without deep and intimate friendships in which they feel more fully seen and appreciated in their complexity, in the fullness of their being.

Yet, as ever-changing beings with friends and loved ones who are also ever-changing, we are always susceptible to loneliness and the pain of situations in which our needs are unmet. Most of us can recall a friend who once met certain of our core social needs, but who eventually – gradually, perhaps even imperceptibly – ultimately failed to do so. If such needs are not met by others in one’s life, this situation will lead one to feel profoundly, heartbreakingly lonely.

In cases like these, new relationships can offer true succour and light. For example, a lonely new parent might have childless friends who are clueless to the needs and values she develops through the hugely complicated transition to parenthood; as a result, she might cultivate relationships with other new parents or caretakers, people who share her newly developed values and better understand the joys, pains and ambivalences of having a child. To the extent that these new relationships enable her needs to be met and allow her to feel genuinely seen, they will help to alleviate her loneliness. Through seeking relationships with others who might share one’s interests or be better situated to meet one’s specific needs, then, one can attempt to face one’s loneliness head on.

But you don’t need to shed old relationships to cultivate the new. When old friends to whom we remain committed fail to meet our new needs, it’s helpful to ask how to salvage the situation, saving the relationship. In some instances, we might choose to adopt a passive strategy, acknowledging the ebb and flow of relationships and the natural lag time between the development of needs and others’ abilities to meet them. You could ‘wait it out’. But given that it is much more difficult to have your needs met if you don’t articulate them, an active strategy seems more promising. To position your friend to better meet your needs, you might attempt to communicate those needs and articulate ways in which you don’t feel seen.

Of course, such a strategy will be successful only if the unmet needs provoking one’s loneliness are needs one can identify and articulate. But we will so often – perhaps always – have needs, desires and values of which we are unaware or that we cannot articulate, even to ourselves. We are, to some extent, always opaque to ourselves. Given this opacity, some degree of loneliness may be an inevitable part of the human condition. What’s more, if we can’t even grasp or articulate the needs provoking our loneliness, then adopting a more passive strategy may be the only option one has. In cases like this, the only way to recognise your unmet needs or desires is to notice that your loneliness has started to lift once those needs and desires begin to be met by another.

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Essay on Love for Students and Children

500+ words essay on love.

Love is the most significant thing in human’s life. Each science and every single literature masterwork will tell you about it. Humans are also social animals. We lived for centuries with this way of life, we were depended on one another to tell us how our clothes fit us, how our body is whether healthy or emaciated. All these we get the honest opinions of those who love us, those who care for us and makes our happiness paramount.

What is Love?

Love is a set of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs with strong feelings of affection. So, for example, a person might say he or she loves his or her dog, loves freedom, or loves God. The concept of love may become an unimaginable thing and also it may happen to each person in a particular way.

Love has a variety of feelings, emotions, and attitude. For someone love is more than just being interested physically in another one, rather it is an emotional attachment. We can say love is more of a feeling that a person feels for another person. Therefore, the basic meaning of love is to feel more than liking towards someone.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

Need of Love

We know that the desire to love and care for others is a hard-wired and deep-hearted because the fulfillment of this wish increases the happiness level. Expressing love for others benefits not just the recipient of affection, but also the person who delivers it. The need to be loved can be considered as one of our most basic and fundamental needs.

One of the forms that this need can take is contact comfort. It is the desire to be held and touched. So there are many experiments showing that babies who are not having contact comfort, especially during the first six months, grow up to be psychologically damaged.

Significance of Love

Love is as critical for the mind and body of a human being as oxygen. Therefore, the more connected you are, the healthier you will be physically as well as emotionally. It is also true that the less love you have, the level of depression will be more in your life. So, we can say that love is probably the best antidepressant.

It is also a fact that the most depressed people don’t love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also become self-focused and hence making themselves less attractive to others.

Society and Love

It is a scientific fact that society functions better when there is a certain sense of community. Compassion and love are the glue for society. Hence without it, there is no feeling of togetherness for further evolution and progress. Love , compassion, trust and caring we can say that these are the building blocks of relationships and society.

Relationship and Love

A relationship is comprised of many things such as friendship , sexual attraction , intellectual compatibility, and finally love. Love is the binding element that keeps a relationship strong and solid. But how do you know if you are in love in true sense? Here are some symptoms that the emotion you are feeling is healthy, life-enhancing love.

Love is the Greatest Wealth in Life

Love is the greatest wealth in life because we buy things we love for our happiness. For example, we build our dream house and purchase a favorite car to attract love. Being loved in a remote environment is a better experience than been hated even in the most advanced environment.

Love or Money

Love should be given more importance than money as love is always everlasting. Money is important to live, but having a true companion you can always trust should come before that. If you love each other, you will both work hard to help each other live an amazing life together.

Love has been a vital reason we do most things in our life. Before we could know ourselves, we got showered by it from our close relatives like mothers , fathers , siblings, etc. Thus love is a unique gift for shaping us and our life. Therefore, we can say that love is a basic need of life. It plays a vital role in our life, society, and relation. It gives us energy and motivation in a difficult time. Finally, we can say that it is greater than any other thing in life.

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Essays About Love: 20 Intriguing Ideas for Students

Love can make a fascinating essay topic, but sometimes finding the perfect topic idea is challenging. Here are 20 of the best essays about love.

Writers have often explored the subject of love and what it means throughout history. In his book Essays in Love , Alain de Botton creates an in-depth essay on what love looks like, exploring a fictional couple’s relationship while highlighting many facts about love. This book shows how much there is to say about love as it beautifully merges non-fiction with fiction work.

The New York Times  published an entire column dedicated to essays on modern love, and many prize-winning reporters often contribute to the collection. With so many published works available, the subject of love has much to be explored.

If you are going to write an essay about love and its effects, you will need a winning topic idea. Here are the top 20 topic ideas for essays about love. These topics will give you plenty to think about and explore as you take a stab at the subject that has stumped philosophers, writers, and poets since the dawn of time.

For help with your essays, check out our round-up of the best essay checkers .

1. Outline the Definition of Love

2. describe your favorite love story, 3. what true love looks like, 4. discuss how human beings are hard-wired for love, 5. explore the different types of love, 6. determine the true meaning of love, 7. discuss the power of love, 8. do soul mates exist, 9. determine if all relationships should experience a break-up, 10. does love at first sight exist, 11. explore love between parents and children, 12. discuss the disadvantages of love, 13. ask if love is blind, 14. discuss the chemical changes that love causes, 15. outline the ethics of love, 16. the inevitability of heartbreak, 17. the role of love in a particular genre of literature, 18. is love freeing or oppressing, 19. does love make people do foolish things, 20. explore the theme of love from your favorite book or movie.

Defining love may not be as easy as you think. While it seems simple, love is an abstract concept with multiple potential meanings. Exploring these meanings and then creating your own definition of love can make an engaging essay topic.

To do this, first, consider the various conventional definitions of love. Then, compare and contrast them until you come up with your own definition of love.

One essay about love you could tackle is describing and analyzing a favorite love story. This story could be from a fiction tale or real life. It could even be your love story.

As you analyze and explain the love story, talk about the highs and lows of love. Showcase the hard and great parts of this love story, then end the essay by talking about what real love looks like (outside the flowers and chocolates).

This essay will explore what true love looks like. With this essay idea, you could contrast true love with the romantic love often shown in movies. This contrast would help the reader see how true love looks in real life.

An essay about what true love looks like could allow you to explore this kind of love in many different facets. It would allow you to discuss whether or not someone is, in fact, in true love. You could demonstrate why saying “I love you” is not enough through the essay.

There seems to be something ingrained in human nature to seek love. This fact could make an interesting essay on love and its meaning, allowing you to explore why this might be and how it plays out in human relationships.

Because humans seem to gravitate toward committed relationships, you could argue that we are hard-wired for love. But, again, this is an essay option that has room for growth as you develop your thoughts.

There are many different types of love. For example, while you can have romantic love between a couple, you may also have family love among family members and love between friends. Each of these types of love has a different expression, which could lend itself well to an interesting essay topic.

Writing an essay that compares and contrasts the different types of love would allow you to delve more deeply into the concept of love and what makes up a loving relationship.

What does love mean? This question is not as easy to answer as you might think. However, this essay topic could give you quite a bit of room to develop your ideas about love.

While exploring this essay topic, you may discover that love means different things to different people. For some, love is about how someone makes another person feel. To others, it is about actions performed. By exploring this in an essay, you can attempt to define love for your readers.

What can love make people do? This question could lend itself well to an essay topic. The power of love is quite intense, and it can make people do things they never thought they could or would do.

With this love essay, you could look at historical examples of love, fiction stories about love relationships, or your own life story and what love had the power to do. Then, at the end of your essay, you can determine how powerful love is.

The idea of a soul mate is someone who you are destined to be with and love above all others. This essay topic would allow you to explore whether or not each individual has a soul mate.

If you determine that they do, you could further discuss how you would identify that soul mate. How can you tell when you have found “the one” right for you? Expanding on this idea could create a very interesting and unique essay.

Break-ups seem inevitable, and strong relationships often come back together afterward. Yet are break-ups truly inevitable? Or are they necessary to create a strong bond? This idea could turn into a fascinating essay topic if you look at both sides of the argument.

On the one hand, you could argue that the break-up experience shows you whether or not your relationship can weather difficult times. On the other hand, you could argue that breaking up damages the trust you’re working to build. Regardless of your conclusion, you can build a solid essay off of this topic idea.

Love, at first sight is a common theme in romance stories, but is it possible? Explore this idea in your essay. You will likely find that love, at first sight, is nothing more than infatuation, not genuine love.

Yet you may discover that sometimes, love, at first sight, does happen. So, determine in your essay how you can differentiate between love and infatuation if it happens to you. Then, conclude with your take on love at first sight and if you think it is possible.

The love between a parent and child is much different than the love between a pair of lovers. This type of love is one-sided, with care and self-sacrifice on the parent’s side. However, the child’s love is often unconditional.

Exploring this dynamic, especially when contrasting parental love with romantic love, provides a compelling essay topic. You would have the opportunity to define this type of love and explore what it looks like in day-to-day life.

Most people want to fall in love and enjoy a loving relationship, but does love have a downside? In an essay, you can explore the disadvantages of love and show how even one of life’s greatest gifts is not without its challenges.

This essay would require you to dig deep and find the potential downsides of love. However, if you give it a little thought, you should be able to discuss several. Finally, end the essay by telling the reader whether or not love is worth it despite the many challenges.

Love is blind is a popular phrase that indicates love allows someone not to see another person’s faults. But is love blind, or is it simply a metaphor that indicates the ability to overlook issues when love is at the helm.

If you think more deeply about this quote, you will probably determine that love is not blind. Rather, love for someone can overshadow their character flaws and shortcomings. When love is strong, these things fall by the wayside. Discuss this in your essay, and draw your own conclusion to decide if love is blind.

When someone falls in love, their body feels specific hormonal and chemical changes. These changes make it easier to want to spend time with the person. Yet they can be fascinating to study, and you could ask whether or not love is just chemical reactions or something more.

Grab a science book or two and see if you can explore these physiological changes from love. From the additional sweating to the flushing of the face, you will find quite a few chemical changes that happen when someone is in love.

Love feels like a positive emotion that does not have many ethical concerns, but this is not true. Several ethical questions come from the world of love. Exploring these would make for an interesting and thoughtful essay.

For example, you could discuss if it is ethically acceptable to love an object or even oneself or love other people. You could discuss if it is appropriate to enter into a physical relationship if there is no love present or if love needs to come first. There are many questions to explore with this love essay.

If you choose to love someone, is heartbreak inevitable? This question could create a lengthy essay. However, some would argue that it is because either your object of affection will eventually leave you through a break-up or death.

Yet do these actions have to cause heartbreak, or are they simply part of the process? Again, this question lends itself well to an essay because it has many aspects and opinions to explore.

Literature is full of stories of love. You could choose a genre, like mythology or science fiction, and explore the role of love in that particular genre. With this essay topic, you may find many instances where love is a vital central theme of the work.

Keep in mind that in some genres, like myths, love becomes a driving force in the plot, while in others, like historical fiction, it may simply be a background part of the story. Therefore, the type of literature you choose for this essay would significantly impact the way your essay develops.

Most people want to fall in love, but is love freeing or oppressing? The answer may depend on who your loved ones are. Love should free individuals to authentically be who they are, not tie them into something they are not.

Yet there is a side of love that can be viewed as oppressive, deepening on your viewpoint. For example, you should stay committed to just that individual when you are in a committed relationship with someone else. Is this freeing or oppressive? Gather opinions through research and compare the answers for a compelling essay.

You can easily find stories of people that did foolish things for love. These stories could translate into interesting and engaging essays. You could conclude the answer to whether or not love makes people do foolish things.

Your answer will depend on your research, but chances are you will find that, yes, love makes people foolish at times. Then you could use your essay to discuss whether or not it is still reasonable to think that falling in love is a good thing, although it makes people act foolishly at times.

Most fiction works have love in them in some way. This may not be romantic love, but you will likely find characters who love something or someone.

Use that fact to create an essay. Pick your favorite story, either through film or written works, and explore what love looks like in that work. Discuss the character development, storyline, and themes and show how love is used to create compelling storylines.

If you are interested in learning more, check out our essay writing tips !

Bryan Collins is the owner of Become a Writer Today. He's an author from Ireland who helps writers build authority and earn a living from their creative work. He's also a former Forbes columnist and his work has appeared in publications like Lifehacker and Fast Company.

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Expository Essay: What is love?

Introduction.

Love is seen as a highly spiritual and emotional state, and where emotion may be part of romantic love, it is certainly not where it ends. Love may in fact be a facilitator for procreation, and the effects of love may help to keep families together long enough to rear a child to an age where in the wild (back in prehistoric times) it would stand a chance on its own.

In this essay I will show how love is not just an emotional and spiritual thing. I will show how it has a chemical basis and how it makes up part of our base instincts/ our animal nature.

Point 1 – Love has a chemical basis

Love has been shown to be the product of chemicals that last for as long as two years. After two years scientists have found that the chemical that causes what is known as love is gone.

The chemical basis of love has been found to be evident in people that claim they are in love. They are not found in people that are not in love apart from in very specific circumstances. There is a point where you may eat enough chocolate that it starts to become toxic. The toxicity would not kill you, in fact if you were eating milk chocolate then diabetes would probably kill you before any form of chocolate poisoning. Still, one the consumption of enough chocolate has occurred then the toxicity evokes the same chemicals as the feeling of love. Eating dark chocolate will evoke the chemical feelings of love faster than eating milk or white chocolate.

Point 2 – Love is biologically programmed into us

There is the idea that we as humans are genetically coded to seek out partners. The trouble is that according to the research done by the writers of “Sperm Wars” it seems that our biological impulses are based on our reproductive organs. A woman has a limited number of eggs and so treats them with care and respect, ergo she is more selective about her mate.

Men on the other hand may produce a new batch of sperm very quickly and may turn over a new batch every three days if the load is not expelled in the meantime. This suggests that they look for multiple partners in order to spread their seed to as many females as possible.

Love may play a part in this as it may help bond partners so that they look after their young until their young are old enough to survive alone, which in biological terms would be at the age of four years old.

Exclusive mating is not uncommon in the animal kingdom, nor it the idea of a monogamous female and a polygamous male. For example, in the cat world a female will mate with just one alpha cat, but that same cat will have a harem of females that he mates with.

As humans we are at the whim of chemicals when it comes to love. We are also at the mercy of our animal instincts. These are players in the field of love, but since we are humans and conscious of our thoughts and actions, we are able to master the effects of our base instincts and chemicals/ bodily hormones. Some people are even able to master their emotions too.

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Modern Love

How We Write About Love

By Daniel Jones

• Feb. 5, 2015

A few months ago, I read several articles touting the health benefits of writing in a deeply personal way. Studies had shown that writing introspectively on a regular basis can lead to lowered blood pressure, improved liver function and even the accelerated healing of postoperative wounds. The study’s subjects had been told to write for short periods each day about turbulent emotional experiences.

I bet a lot of them wrote about love. As the editor of this column, I have spent much of the last decade reading stories of people’s turbulent emotional experiences. They all involved love in one way or another.

Which isn’t so surprising. Who hasn’t been stirred up by love? But these writers had spun their experiences into stories and sent them here, where more than 99 percent must be turned away.

Although the would-be contributors may be happy to learn of the surprising health benefits of their writing, I think they hoped for a more glamorous reward than improved liver function.

Lately I have been thinking about those tens of thousands of passed-over stories and all the questions and lessons about love they represent. When taken together, what does all this writing reveal about us, or about love? Here’s what I have found.

First, and most basic: How we write about love depends on how old we are.

The young overwhelmingly write with a mixture of anxiety and hope. Their stories ask: What is it going to be for me?

Those in midlife are more often driven to their keyboards by feelings of malaise and disillusionment. Their stories ask: Is this really what it is for me?

And older people almost always write from a place of appreciation, regardless of how difficult things may be. Their message: All things considered, I feel pretty lucky.

In writing about love, the story of how we met looms large because a lot of us believe, validly or not, that a good meeting story bodes well for the relationship.

What do we consider to be a good meeting story? When it involves chance more than effort. You get bonus points if the chance encounter suggests compatibility, like mistakenly wheeling off with each other’s shopping carts at Whole Foods because your items had so much overlap, you got the carts mixed up.

“I get those beets all the time!” “You like Erewhon Supergrains, too?”

Pretty soon it’s time to get a room.

It seems the harder we work at finding love, the more prone we are to second-guessing the results. High-volume online daters worry about this, along with those who routinely attend singles events.

The fear is we may force things or compromise after pushing so hard for so long. We may admire hard work in most endeavors, but we admire laziness when it comes to finding love. (If you manage to stay together over the long haul, however, it will be because of effort, not chance.)

When some people write about love, they can’t find the right words to capture the intensity of their feelings, so they rely on stock terms that are best avoided. These include (but are not limited to): amazing, gorgeous, devastating, crushed, smitten, soul mate and electrifying.

Popular phrases include: “meet cute,” “heart pounded,” “heart melted,” “I’ll always remember,” “I’ll never forget” and “Reader, I married him.” Then there is everyone’s favorite stock word regardless of subject: literally. As in, “our date was literally electrifying.”

Women and men may feel love similarly, but they write about it differently.

A lot of men’s stories seem tinged by regret and nostalgia. They wish previous relationships hadn’t ended or romantic opportunities hadn’t slipped away. They lament not having been more emotionally open with lovers, wives, parents and children.

Women are more inclined to write with restlessness. They want to figure love out. Many keep mental lists of their expectations, detailing the characteristics of their hoped-for partner with alarming specificity and then evaluating how a new romantic interest does or doesn’t match that type.

They write something like, “I always pictured myself with someone taller, a guy with cropped brown hair and wire-rim glasses who wears khakis or jeans, the kind of person who would bring me tea in bed and read the Sunday paper with me on the couch.”

Men almost never describe the characteristics of their ideal partner in this way. Even if they have a specific picture in mind, few will put that vision to paper. I wonder if they’re embarrassed to.

Another list women frequently pull together is “The List of Flawed Men,” in which they dismiss each man they have gone out with over the last year with a single phrase. There was the slob with the sideburns, the med student who smoked too much pot, the gentle Texan who made felt hats but couldn’t commit, and the physically affectionate finance guy who always dropped her hand when he saw his friends.

This series of bad encounters has left them exasperated to the point of hopelessness, so they try to see the humor in it.

Men rarely compose that kind of list, either. In this case, I wonder if it’s because they’re afraid to, not wanting to be seen as belittling women. In general, men write more cautiously about women than the other way around.

Love stories are full of romantic delusion, idealizing love to an unhealthy degree. But in the accounts I see, men and women delude themselves in opposite directions.

A woman is more likely to believe her romantic ideal awaits somewhere in the future, where her long-held fantasy becomes a flesh-and-blood reality.

A man’s romantic ideal typically exists somewhere in the past in the form of an actual person he loved but let go of, or who got away. And he keeps going back to her in his mind, and probably also on Facebook and Instagram, thinking, “What if?”

I don’t know if men are worse than women when it comes to romantic rejection; they are clearly worse when it comes to literary rejection. Even though only 20 percent of submissions come from men, they send more than 90 percent of the angry emails I receive in response to being turned down. To these men, no does not mean no. No means the start of an inquiry as to how this possibly could have happened.

One man sneered at me: “You didn’t even read it, dude.”

To which I replied, sincerely: “Dude, I totally did.”

Writing about love can be similar to falling in love in that we must be as vulnerable on the page as we are in person when revealing ourselves to someone we hope will love us back. That means exposing our flaws and weaknesses and trusting we will be seen as more appealing, not less, for having done so.

Good writing about love features the same virtues that define a good relationship: honesty, generosity, open-mindedness, curiosity, humor and self-deprecation. Bad writing about love suffers from the same flaws that define a bad relationship: dishonesty, withholding, defensiveness, blame, pettiness and egotism.

It has been remarkable to watch the evolution in stories I have received from gay and lesbian writers. A decade ago, their stories focused on issues of marginalization, identity, coming out, and of strains with family members. Within a few years, their focus had turned overtly political in the fight for equality and marriage.

Today, gay writers have largely shed that baggage. They write about looking for love, marrying, starting a family, being a parent, even getting divorced. Sexual orientation that had once been central is now incidental. Which seems like a nice change.

With Valentine’s Day near and the right words about love always so hard to find, let me close by simply wishing you an amazing celebration of electrifying romance you never forget and always remember.

Attention College Students

If you have a personal story that illustrates the current state of love and relationships, email it to us at [email protected]. The winning author will receive $1,000 and the essay will be published in a special Modern Love column in May.

Details appear at nytimes.com/modernlovecontest . For more information and commentary as the contest progresses, follow Modern Love on Facebook ( facebook.com/modernlove ) and the Modern Love editor on Twitter: @danjonesnyt .

Modern Love College Essay Contest

We invited college students nationwide to open their hearts and laptops and write an essay that tells the truth about what love is like for them today.

Daniel Jones is the author of “Love Illuminated: Exploring Life’s Most Mystifying Subject (With the Help of 50,000 Strangers),” just out in paperback.

E-MAIL [email protected]

LIVE CHAT: Daniel Jones will be answering readers' questions about trends and fads in love and dating on Feb. 13 at 2 p.m. E.S.T. at facebook.com/modernlove

Stories of Love to Nourish Your Soul

After the Affair, the Reckoning:  While a mother takes care of her new baby, her husband takes up with another woman .

This Is Not the Relationship I Ordered:   Divorce leaves a woman with a surprising realization  about who has been the love of her life.

My Husband Is Two Years Older Than My Son:  A woman’s 19-year marital age gap feels treacherous — and is the best thing that’s ever happened to her .

Please Stay, Baby. Please?: The grief of miscarriage is largely invisible. And with each loss, the longing multiplies .

My Bad-Times-Only Boyfriend: Why is a woman’s long-ago fling suddenly acting as if he’s her husband ?

A Family Dinner With My Wife and Girlfriend: Learning to love two women at once  — one living with Alzheimer’s — is a challenge and a blessing.

Our Last, Impossible Conversation: Artificial intelligence gives a widow another chance to talk to her long-lost husband .

Before You Write a Love Essay, Read This to Get Examples

The day will come when you can’t escape the fate of all students: You will have to write a what is love essay.

No worries:

Here you’ll find tons of love essay topics and examples. No time to read everything? Scroll down to get a free PDF with original samples.

Definition: Essay on Love

First, let’s define what is love essay?

The most common topics are:

• Definition of love
• What is love?
• Meaning of love

Why limit yourself to these hackneyed, general themes? Below, I’ll show how to make your paper on love original yet relevant to the prompt you get from teachers.

Love Essay Topics: 20 Ideas to Choose for Your Paper

Your essay on love and relationship doesn’t have to be super official and unemotional. It’s ok to share reflections and personal opinions when writing about romance.

Often, students get a general task to write an essay on love. It means they can choose a theme and a title for their paper. If that’s your case,  feel free to try any of these love essay topics:

• Exploring the impact of love on individuals and relationships.
• Love in the digital age: Navigating romance in a tech world.
• Is there any essence and significance in unconditional love?
• Love as a universal language: Connecting hearts across cultures.
• Biochemistry of love: Exploring the process.
• Love vs. passion vs. obsession.
• How love helps cope with heartbreak and grief.
• The art of loving. How we breed intimacy and trust.
• The science behind attraction and attachment.
• How love and relationships shape our identity and help with self-discovery.
• Love and vulnerability: How to embrace emotional openness.
• Romance is more complex than most think: Passion, intimacy, and commitment explained.
• Love as empathy: Building sympathetic connections in a cruel world.
• Evolution of love. How people described it throughout history.
• The role of love in mental and emotional well-being.
• Love as a tool to look and find purpose in life.
• Welcoming diversity in relations through love and acceptance.
• Love vs. friendship: The intersection of platonic and romantic bonds.
• The choices we make and challenges we overcome for those we love.
• Love and forgiveness: How its power heals wounds and strengthens bonds.

Love Essay Examples: Choose Your Sample for Inspiration

Essays about love are usually standard, 5-paragraph papers students write in college:

• One paragraph is for an introduction, with a hook and a thesis statement
• Three are for a body, with arguments or descriptions
• One last passage is for a conclusion, with a thesis restatement and final thoughts

Below are the ready-made samples to consider. They’ll help you see what an essay about love with an introduction, body, and conclusion looks like.

What is love essay: 250 words

Lao Tzu once said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Indeed, love can transform individuals, relationships, and our world.

A word of immense depth and countless interpretations, love has always fascinated philosophers, poets, and ordinary individuals. This  emotion breaks boundaries and has a super power to change lives. But what is love, actually?

It’s a force we feel in countless ways. It is the warm embrace of a parent, filled with care and unwavering support. It is the gentle touch of a lover, sparking a flame that ignites passion and desire. Love is the kind words of a friend, offering solace and understanding in times of need. It is the selfless acts of compassion and empathy that bind humanity together.

Love is not confined to romantic relationships alone. It is found in the family bonds, the connections we forge with friends, and even the compassion we extend to strangers. Love is a thread that weaves through the fabric of our lives, enriching and nourishing our souls.

However, love is not without its complexities. It can be both euphoric and agonizing, uplifting and devastating. Love requires vulnerability, trust, and the willingness to embrace joy and pain. It is a delicate balance between passion and compassion, independence and interdependence.

Finally, the essence of love may be elusive to define with mere words. It is an experience that surpasses language and logic, encompassing a spectrum of emotions and actions. Love is a profound connection that unites us all, reminding us of our shared humanity and the capacity for boundless compassion.

What is love essay: 500 words

A 500-word essay on why I love you

Trying to encapsulate why I love you in a mere 500 words is impossible. My love for you goes beyond the confines of language, transcending words and dwelling in the realm of emotions, connections, and shared experiences. Nevertheless, I shall endeavor to express the depth and breadth of my affection for you.

First and foremost, I love you for who you are. You possess a unique blend of qualities and characteristics that captivate my heart and mind. Your kindness and compassion touch the lives of those around you, and I am grateful to be the recipient of your unwavering care and understanding. Your intelligence and wit constantly challenge me to grow and learn, stimulating my mind and enriching our conversations. You have a beautiful spirit that radiates warmth and joy, and I am drawn to your vibrant energy.

I love the way you make me feel. When I am with you, I feel a sense of comfort and security that allows me to be my true self. Your presence envelops me in a cocoon of love and acceptance, where I can express my thoughts, fears, and dreams without fear of judgment. Your support and encouragement inspire me to pursue my passions and overcome obstacles. With you by my side, I feel empowered to face the world, knowing I have a partner who believes in me.

I love the memories we have created together. From the laughter-filled moments of shared adventures to the quiet and intimate conversations, every memory is etched in my heart. Whether exploring new places, indulging in our favorite activities, or simply enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence, each experience reinforces our bond. Our shared memories serve as a foundation for our relationship, a testament to the depth of our connection and the love that binds us.

I love your quirks and imperfections. Your true essence shines through these unique aspects! Your little traits make me smile and remind me of the beautiful individual you are. I love how you wrinkle your nose when you laugh, become lost in thought when reading a book, and even sing off-key in the shower. These imperfections make you human, relatable, and utterly lovable.

I love the future we envision together. We support each other’s goals, cheering one another on as we navigate the path toward our dreams. The thought of building a life together, creating a home filled with love and shared experiences, fills my heart with anticipation and excitement. The future we imagine is one that I am eager to explore with you by my side.

In conclusion, the reasons why I love you are as vast and varied as the universe itself. It is a love that defies logic and surpasses the limitations of language. From the depths of my being, I love you for the person you are, the way you make me feel, the memories we cherish, your quirks and imperfections, and the future we envision together. My love for you is boundless, unconditional, and everlasting.

A 5-paragraph essay about love

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Decoding the Confusing Feelings of Love

The cocktail is not the meal..

Posted June 23, 2022 | Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

• Excellent, fulfilling, long-term relationships often do start with being in love. We are thus inspired to explore the possibilities.
• To build lasting love, learn to interpret moments of losing this in-love feeling as a beginning, not the end–of creating love that grows.
• Learning to love and be loved is a life-long practice. Expect it to include all of the rich feelings of being alive.

One of the most confusing things about love is the difference between the feeling of being “in love” and the feelings of loving and being loved.

Our feelings–our emotional reactions–are a rich source of information. Research shows that people who pay attention to their emotional responses make better decisions. 1

Yet, it’s also true that sometimes interpreting these feelings can be tricky–especially the feelings of love.

We often choose each other, whether for a second date or a lifetime, based on a feeling of attraction . When this is very strong, we are “in love.”

For most people, the feeling of being in love is absolutely wonderful. Our heart sings. Our feet have wings. All of the confusing complexity of life vanishes as we develop a single-pointed focus on the beloved.

The Two Big Questions About Being in Love

What does it mean in terms of long-term happiness ?

Excellent, fulfilling, long-term relationships often do start with being in love. And also, not all potential mates who inspire this feeling will make good long-term partners. Think of this feeling as an initial sorting aid; it helps you discover people you want to know better.

This feeling, provided by a powerful neurochemical cocktail of adrenaline and dopamine , propels us forward. It gives us the energy and interest to find ways to be together, for those long conversations until two am, for some initial moments of vulnerability that are the beginning of intimacy . We are inspired. This is a good way to begin a relationship that has the potential to grow.

One of the first things we must learn about love is that this “in-love” feeling is only the beginning. It is not sustainable. The cocktail is not the meal. A cocktail before dinner can be wonderful—a lovely beginning to a long evening and a beautiful dinner. And then we need to have the meal.

What comes next is learning to create long-lasting love that is not only sustainable but grows and becomes more fulfilling with time and nurture. The “meal” is a life-long process of learning to love each other well. And the feelings you will experience during this process are quite different than the ecstasy of the being-in-love cocktail.

Mistaking the “in-love” feeling for love can lead to endlessly pursuing that feeling. It can cause you to leave a relationship that might have the potential for lasting love, or if you stay, to go through roller coaster cycles of feeling in love, then disappointment and resentment. Chasing the “high” of being in love is like forgetting to go to dinner and having cocktail after cocktail. Eventually, you wake up with a bad hangover and very hungry.

What does it mean when the feeling goes away?

If you hang out long enough with the person you are in love with, you will eventually get to other, very different feelings. The blissful feeling of merger and perfect fit dissolves as you discover unexpected and troublesome differences. What, just minutes before, looked like endless blue skies, suddenly looks like a storm. The usual reaction to a moment like this is to feel stunned and dismayed. The internal dialogue might go something like, “Oh no! Just when I thought I’d found the one. How could I be so wrong?”

But if what you are looking for is a long-term relationship, loving and being loved, then the correct interpretation of this moment is that it is the call to dinner. This could, in fact, be the beginning of something deeper and more satisfying. You have arrived at the transition from finding love to building love.

Building Love

Love is not something we simply find. Learning to love and to be loved is a life-long practice. And the feelings you experience as you learn to love are many and various, some delightful and others uncomfortable and challenging.

Your partner fails to remember it’s date night. Love at that moment may feel like a struggle with yourself to remain calm and patient. Or your partner’s mother gets sick just before that fabulous vacation you’ve been looking forward to. Love then feels like sadness, maybe anger, at having to give up something you really wanted. It feels like the difficulty of reopening your heart to generosity for your partner and her mother.

Loving relationships are full of hard conversations, painful differences, and misunderstandings. In order to love well, we must practice the internal acrobatics of dealing with uncomfortable and compelling feelings of hurt, anger, fear , and abandonment. These are a natural part of all-important relationships.

They nudge us, sometimes shove us, toward aggression , isolation, defensiveness–any number of reactions that take us in the opposite direction of love. Learning to love well means that we figure out, over and over again, how to pause before reacting. This is how we turn bad moments into moments of learning to love.

Mindfulness and Love

Mindfulness is the ability to observe what is happening in the present moment. The cultivation of mindfulness creates a space between our internal reactions–like fear and anger–and our responses, giving us what Dan Siegel calls “response flexibility.” 2

Instead of reacting to protect ourselves, often aggressively, we pause to find a response that protects and defends the loving connection. We learn to re-open our hearts and minds when something our partner has done has caused us to close. Love feels like a complicated mix of anxiety , determination, fear, and hopefulness in these moments. Love feels like the tension of wanting to close and defend ourselves and wanting, at the same time, to open and be connected.

Love Feels Like Compassion

In difficult moments, we can stay open to connection by finding the feeling of compassion for ourselves and our partners. Compassion doesn’t mean that everything is okay or that you ignore the difficulties. Compassion means that you recognize that love inevitably includes these moments of tension and hurt. You feel loving acceptance of your own and your partner’s limitations.

Love Feels Like Discipline and Commitment

Reaching for compassion when you really want retaliation requires discipline and commitment. Discipline has many meanings. Learning to love means behaving consistently with the commitment both to loving a particular person and also the commitment to becoming a more loving person.

Over time you learn that the effort pays off. The feeling of love becomes the experience of finding the ground under your feet when your emotional world is pitching and heaving. You learn to steady yourself, and you are able to move forward. Louisa May Alcott said, “I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship.”

The Joy of Learning to Love

So, does loving and learning to love always feel hard? Not at all. Sometimes it feels like a great relief when you have successfully navigated a difficult set of emotional rapids without capsizing the boat. It can feel triumphant, deeply satisfying, comforting, and secure. It can feel like being on solid ground. It feels like the joy of learning. It feels like the security and trust of finding yourself with a teammate for this adventure of learning to love.

Damassio, A.R. (1994). Descartes’ Error: Emotion, reason and the human brain. New York: Grosset/Putnam

Siegel, D.S. (2010). Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. New York: Bantam Trade Paperbacks, p27.

Kathryn Ford, M.D., a teacher and clinician, developed Aperture Awareness for relationship success. She received her M.D. from Brown University School of Medicine and completed her psychiatry residency at Stanford School of Medicine.

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Essay on Love

Love, an emotion as old as humanity itself, has been a central theme in literature, philosophy, and psychology. It’s a complex and multifaceted feeling, often difficult to articulate. This essay aims to explore the concept of love, its various forms, implications, and expressions, providing a comprehensive understanding for students participating in essay writing competitions.

At its core, love is a profound and intense feeling of deep affection. It’s more than a mere emotion; it’s a force that has the power to transform lives. The ancient Greeks categorized love into several types, including ‘Eros’ (romantic love), ‘Philia’ (friendship), ‘Storge’ (family love), and ‘Agape’ (unconditional love). Each type signifies a different aspect of love, contributing to its complex nature.

The Psychological Perspective

Love, from a psychological standpoint, is a complex interplay of emotions, behaviors, and thoughts. Understanding love through the lens of psychology provides insights into why and how we form deep emotional bonds. Here are key psychological perspectives on love:

Attachment Theory

• Secure Attachment : Individuals with secure attachment styles often have healthy, trusting, and long-lasting relationships. They are comfortable with intimacy and independence.
• Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment : These individuals often feel insecure in their relationships and may exhibit clinginess and a deep fear of abandonment.
• Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment : People with this style tend to maintain emotional distance in relationships, prioritizing independence and self-sufficiency over intimacy.
• Fearful-Avoidant Attachment : This style is characterized by a desire for close relationships but a fear of getting hurt, leading to a complex push-and-pull behavior in love.

The Triangular Theory of Love

Developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg, this theory suggests that love comprises three components:

• Intimacy : Involving feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
• Passion : Involves physical attraction and sexual consummation.
• Commitment : The decision to remain with another and plans made with that person.

Different combinations of these elements form various types of love, such as romantic love (intimacy + passion), companionate love (intimacy + commitment), and consummate love (intimacy + passion + commitment).

The Biochemical Perspective

• Neurotransmitters and Hormones : Love triggers a release of neurotransmitters and hormones like dopamine (associated with pleasure and reward), oxytocin (bonding and attachment), and serotonin (mood regulation).
• The Brain in Love : Brain imaging studies show that being in love activates the brain’s reward system, particularly areas associated with motivation, reward, and addiction, explaining the intense focus on the loved one.

The Evolutionary Perspective

• Reproductive Success : From an evolutionary perspective, love can be seen as a mechanism to promote mating, reproduction, and the nurturing of offspring.
• Survival of the Offspring : The emotional bond between partners and with their children ensures the survival and protection of the offspring, a key aspect of evolutionary success.

Psychological Impact of Love

• Mental Health Benefits : Love can have numerous benefits for mental health, including reduced stress and anxiety, and increased happiness and life satisfaction.
• Love and Growth : Psychologically, love can foster personal growth, self-discovery, and the development of a more integrated sense of self.

Love in Literature and Art

• A Universal Theme : Love has been a predominant theme in literature and art throughout history, portrayed in countless ways, from Shakespeare’s romantic plays to contemporary love songs.
• Symbolism and Metaphors : Artists and writers use various symbols and metaphors to depict love, making it a rich subject for interpretation and analysis.

Love’s Social and Cultural Aspects

• Cultural Variations : The expression and understanding of love vary significantly across different cultures, influenced by social norms and traditions.
• Changing Dynamics : The concept of love has evolved over time, reflecting changes in societal attitudes towards relationships, marriage, and gender roles.

Personal Reflection and Application

• Self-Love and Growth : Understanding love begins with self-love. It’s about respecting and accepting oneself, which is fundamental for healthy relationships.
• Love as a Source of Inspiration : Love often drives creativity and motivation, inspiring individuals to achieve their goals and overcome challenges.

Love, in its essence, is a powerful and transformative emotion. It’s a universal experience, yet deeply personal. For students engaging in essay writing, delving into the topic of love offers an opportunity to explore a range of emotions, cultural perspectives, and philosophical questions. Whether it’s romantic love, familial love, or self-love, each form enriches our understanding of what it means to have deep, emotional connections. Love, indeed, is the cornerstone of human experience, influencing our actions, thoughts, and the very fabric of society.

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Love. Characteristics of a True Feeling Essay

When God created this world, he sent Adam on this Earth and to take away his Loneliness, he sent Eve to give him happiness and care, the one to talk and to share feelings with which we name as “Love”. Love is a feeling which has yet not been discovered how it was shaped. It is experienced by all in life at least one time or more. It has been associated with the living beings from the beginning the world was created.

Love can be described in different ways for different relations and person and is interpreted differently by many people. It can be with a person, animal or a non-living as well. Love for a person is different from that with being in love with your pet or your very old pen, your personal dairy etc. It is a feeling of being possessive and caring towards that person or thing you love and want to have it in your life forever.

Let us take an example of having the feeling of Love with a person, for instance when we meet someone and spend some time. After few meetings if we find that person compatible to us and we like to talk to this person, we miss the presence of this person in parties or when we go out with our friends, we want to know more about them and develop an emotional connection in between. We want to know their likes and dislike, hobbies, their thought about being you around them and much more. When we are with this person we like to be completely involved in their thoughts and words and we are inquisitive to know what this person is feeling about us at that point. A few more meetings with a healthy conversation urge your heart to develop a feeling of care, happiness and possessiveness towards this person which we name as “LOVE”.

Now the question arise that why we have this feeling and why we like this person so much. How this embryo of Love begins and flows softly into each others heart. We then discuss this with each other and seek for an answer. We share views and concepts to satisfy that the feeling is really there and true. Once we are fully convinced that this person also have the same feeling for us we then want to disclose the reality and break the ice.

We have read and heard many Love Stories and have been also influenced by them. Love is that precious gift that one can ever have in life. Being in Love creates not only a feeling of care and possessiveness but it also evokes a feeling of humanity towards the society. True love gives strength to a person in all walks of life. Just a glimpse steals our heart and seems to communicate silently just like falling leaves and you develop a feeling of care and pain even if this person is stable but we cry for him and remains attracted forever then this is true love.

Love can be found in any culture and religion is boundless to any region. It is a feeling of tender, affection, commitment, attachment and joy. Love can be expressed for many things like for example Love for nature, love for fame and power, love for soul, love for money etcetera. But the most beautiful face of love is love for a human or say a person very close to your heart.

Love is free form envy and jealousy. It is pure as a running stream and beautiful like a blossom. It enriches our life with moods and glory leaving an everlasting effect on our mind. Sexual attraction also plays an important role to establish a new bond however, it does not stand prior in a relationship as love can be expressed passionate without sexual bonding.

Marriage is a relation that gives a new phase to ones love. It assures the true essence of commitment and sincerity. Once we are bound in a relation ship and make it stronger we then move to the next phase. Usually love is developed between opposite gender and therefore it also develops more close feelings by giving birth to offspring’s and make the relation more strong.

Summarizing the above we can say that love usually starts with friendship, develops emotions and attraction, further enhanced by bounding it into a true relationship and commitment and reshaping it by passing through different phases in life. With the passage of time if the feeling of care, pain, affection, passion and attraction remains there then we can that true love persist as it gradually develops connection with each other souls and mind.

Love has the Power to change frowns into smiles and sorrows into happiness and joy. It frees our mind from stress and difficulties. Love provides the pleasure behold. I would end this with few words that if we love someone we should love them unconditionally because when there are conditions the true meaning of love vanishes and the connection between two people becomes feeble and unbound.

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IvyPanda. (2021, August 28). Love. Characteristics of a True Feeling. https://ivypanda.com/essays/love-characteristics-of-a-true-feeling/

"Love. Characteristics of a True Feeling." IvyPanda , 28 Aug. 2021, ivypanda.com/essays/love-characteristics-of-a-true-feeling/.

IvyPanda . (2021) 'Love. Characteristics of a True Feeling'. 28 August.

IvyPanda . 2021. "Love. Characteristics of a True Feeling." August 28, 2021. https://ivypanda.com/essays/love-characteristics-of-a-true-feeling/.

1. IvyPanda . "Love. Characteristics of a True Feeling." August 28, 2021. https://ivypanda.com/essays/love-characteristics-of-a-true-feeling/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Love. Characteristics of a True Feeling." August 28, 2021. https://ivypanda.com/essays/love-characteristics-of-a-true-feeling/.

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• Love Begins When the Feelings Are Gone

YOU woke up at 5 ‘o clock in the morning. The first person you thought of is your crush. After performing your morning rituals, you immediately hopped into your car, excited to see him once again, thinking that the way he walks, talks, and reacts when poked with a Mongol No. 2 pencil are simply ethereal. You were hearing your heart thump as you were approaching the pisay main gate. You were rewinding in your head the moments you were together and imagining the millions of possible encounters you might have with him today. Once you walked past the gate of Philippine Science High School, you dashed into the girl’s washroom, making sure that you are not having a bad hair day, checking if new zits have emerged overnight, and deliberating with yourself whether you came to school overdressed or not. Then, after taking a few steps away from the washroom, you suddenly bumped into him. The next thing you know, you have just uttered the most sacred and evocative words of the day – “Hi.”

If you have gone through such episode in your life, then you have probably heard your friends officially declare that you are in-love. Funny as it may seem, such situations often happen among teenagers, specifically high school students. The big problem with the aforementioned picture is not so much on developing romantic feelings for the opposite sex for such phenomena is natural, but on the way such feelings are expressed. Many teenagers say “I love you” when what they actually mean is “I have strong feelings for you.” They thought that they actually loved each other when in reality; they only had strong feelings for each other.

Having roller coaster feelings for someone is not tantamount to actually loving someone. If people fail to recognize the difference between the two, couples will most likely fail to live happily ever after and plant feelings of bitterness instead. Worse, children who were born out of the expression of the strong feelings will find it hard to enjoy the fellowship of a happy family. In the end, nobody wins if relationships get broken.

Having feelings for someone is far from actually loving. For one, developing romantic feelings for someone occurs naturally as our bodies excrete hormones that trigger such emotions. To make things simpler, we can surmise that developing romantic feelings does not require any effort. It happens just as the sun rises and sets. Likewise, such strong feelings subside easily. One cannot feel emotionally hyped for a very long time.

Developing feelings, or falling in love, as many would say, is similar to what a little boy feels upon receiving a toy for his Christmas present. At first, the little boy feels excited before playing with his new toy. After a few days or weeks, the little boy would now set aside the said toy and go on with his life. More or less, this is how the process of falling in love works. The only problem with this picture is one cannot actually dump his partner once he gets tired of her and starts looking for another one, a brand new excitement, so to speak. Thus, the relationship ends in failure.

Another problem with simply developing feelings with someone is projecting initial expectations towards the object of one’s affection. Romantic feelings are often accompanied by unrealistic expectations. One imagines a person as someone different from who he or she really is. In the long run, when strong romantic feelings have subsided, one will realize that his partner is not what he has imagined her to be. Again, this will result to a long battery of quarrels that will most likely lead to a break up.

Moreover, having strong feelings for someone, if not managed, may only lead to selfishness. One will start doing things for another person not because he wants the other person to grow but because he wants to satisfy the emotional urges he feels. One would like to be with a person all the time. At first, this seems sweet until the relationship becomes too suffocating. In the end, the parties involved would only seek to fulfill their individual interests instead of helping each other become better people.

Is there any problem, then, if people decide to get engaged or married when they are at the peak of their emotions? Given the aforementioned premises, it becomes apparent that an individual’s decision is clouded by strong emotions. One cannot have a full grasp of the personality of his partner at this stage. The couple will most likely be living a dream, only to discover later on that they have entered into an agreement unprepared. When such discovery occurs, it would be too late to turn back. One’s fairy tale has officially turned into a nightmare, or worse, to a tedious legal battle.

Love, then, is simply not a feeling. It is a commitment given by people who wish to share themselves with one another and grow with each other. It is an effort to share our lives with other people. It does not infantilize one’s partner by pampering him with excessive luxuries, nor is it self-serving. Given these premises, how, then, should we express our love towards another person? That I can’t fully answer.

Love is wonderful. Through love, many unimaginable things have come about. The world was brought forth out of love. Else, misconceptions about this wonderful experience might lead people to make decisions that will lead to disastrous results. It is normal for us to have strong feelings for someone, but such feelings should not be blown out of proportions. At the end of the day, feelings will not take us to the place where we want to be. It is love that will allow us to make most out of this life, and the life afterwards.

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