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How to Respond to the 2023/2024 Babson College Supplemental Essay Prompts

Cait Williams is a Content Writer at Scholarships360. Cait recently graduated from Ohio University with a degree in Journalism and Strategic Communications. During her time at OU, was active in the outdoor recreation community.

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Bill Jack has over a decade of experience in college admissions and financial aid. Since 2008, he has worked at Colby College, Wesleyan University, University of Maine at Farmington, and Bates College.

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Babson College is known for being all about business, and their essay prompts are no exception! They want to know about who you are and why you have chosen to apply to their college. Two supplemental essays may seem like a lot, but each one is an opportunity to show them why you would be a great addition to their school. So, settle in and let’s find out how you can nail each Babson supplemental essay right on the head!

A brief introduction to Babson College

Babson College is known for their emphasis on teaching students to be great entrepreneurs. Babson knows that entrepreneurial skills are not just something that people are born with, but that need to be learned and built over time. They know the importance of having skills in not just business, but in all facets of the world. Entrepreneurship is about being innovative, creative, and willing to try new ideas. In addition to the entrepreneurial degrees and opportunities they offer, they are also heavily invested in educating their students through the liberal arts and science. 

Do your Babson research first!

Before starting your first Babson supplemental essay, give yourself some time to explore the Babson website . Colleges try to give students a vivid picture of their school through their website because they know it’s how most students learn about them. If possible, it’s always a great idea to try and tour a college before you apply. Tours are free and a great way to find out what’s out there. If you can’t find the time or money to take a face-to-face tour, Babson College offers an engaging virtual tour as well! 

Supplemental essay prompt #1

#1: The Babson education prepares students for all types of careers across business, entrepreneurship, social innovation, and more. Tell us about your interest in this area of study and in Babson specifically. (500 words maximum)

We invite you to submit your answer in either essay OR video format. If you choose to submit a video, please limit your response to a 1-minute video, which can be submitted via a shared link to YouTube or another video hosting website. Please ensure your video is set to public and is accessible to the Admission Committee.

Babson isn’t trying to pull any tricks with this prompt. They really just want to get to know you . However, there are two questions to this prompt. So, let’s also break your answer into two parts. 

The first thing they want to know is why you are interested in the fields of study they have to offer. This question shouldn’t be difficult for you to answer. Start by writing out a simple answer. Maybe you’ve just always been interested in business, or you love entrepreneurship because your mom or dad runs their own company, or any number of other great reasons!  

Once you know your simple answer, you can begin to expand a bit. Connect your interest in this field to a larger picture, or future goal that you have. Remember, you don’t need to have a long elaborate answer for this question in order to get accepted by Babson, but what you do need is to be genuine. The goal is for them to get to know you! 

As for part two of this prompt, Babson wants to know why you specifically would like to study at their school. Maybe it’s a specific professor or program they offer that drew you to Babson. The key with this question is again to connect why Babson is the school for you. Try not to just rattle off facts about the university. They already know all about themselves. They want to know now why you have chosen them. Lots of schools offer similar academic interests, so it’s important for a school to know that there is a reason you have specifically chosen them.

You do have a 500 word limit for this prompt. Don’t let the word count get to your head. Write out what you want to say and then edit it down if needed. You might be able to do a lot more in 500 words than you think.

Supplemental essay prompt #2 

#2:  A defining element of the Babson experience is learning and thriving in an equitable and inclusive community with a wide range of perspectives and interests. Please share something about your background, lived experiences, or viewpoint(s) that speaks to how you will contribute to and learn from Babson’s collaborative community. (250 words maximum)

From this prompt, Babson wants to better understand how you and your experiences will fit in and contribute to their campus. So, let’s also break this prompt into two parts. 

First, what is your background? What lived experiences or viewpoints do you have? Take a few minutes to jot down some ideas and ask yourself the questions below:

• Have you always lived in the same place? 
• What is your family life like? 
• Have you ever struggled academically?
• Is there a certain religion or set of beliefs that you try to live your life by?
• Do you have any opinions or thoughts about modern issues that society faces?

There really is an unlimited amount of questions you could ask yourself, so take a minute to think of some on your own as well. 

The second part to answering this prompt requires you to have an idea of what values and beliefs Babson holds. Take some time exploring Babson’s website. Read about their history and their values. College websites usually try to be very transparent about the values their campus encompasses. 

Once you feel like you have a good feel for Babson, you should be able to draw lines between how their values and your experiences and background connect. Remember their original question, which was how you and your experiences will fit into their campus. You’ll likely find that there is a lot you could talk about, but the key here is talking about what is relevant to the prompt!

You only have 250 words to answer this prompt. So, like we said above, try writing your first draft without a word count and then begin to narrow things down, as that will likely yield a more thorough and genuine answer.

More college application essay help

If you feel like you still need some more guidance with your college application essays, we can help. Check out this guide to creating a college video respons e. Whether you want to know how to write a more engaging essay , just want some extra tips , or even want answers to questions like how many colleges you should apply to , we have you covered! Good luck and don’t forget we’re always here!

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Babson Supplemental Essay 2023-24

Babson college supplemental essays 2023-24.

Do you have your heart set on attending Babson College ? Well then, your Babson supplemental essay will be a critical part of your application. In this article, we will provide a breakdown of the Babson College essay prompts. We will also provide tips for how to write your Babson College supplemental essays so that they stand out from the thousands of applications Babson receives each year.

But what draws so many applicants to this school? Babson College, located just outside of Boston, is known for raising the next generation of entrepreneurs. Therefore, this private undergraduate institution mainly attracts students interested in business. An emphasis on career development and networking allows Babson graduates to have above-average earning potential and impactful careers. However, getting into Babson is not easy.

Indeed, Babson College admissions are competitive. This is. in part, due to the Babson College ranking. According to several sources, including Forbes and U.S. News, Babson College provides one of the best liberal arts educations in the country. Indeed, there are 24 Babson college majors. So while all students come to Babson with some interest in business, these concentrations give space for students to explore the intersection of business with other fields, such as environmental sustainability or visual arts. 

As you can see, a Babson education offers its students great opportunities. So, if you’re more in love with Babson than ever, your essays are crucial to gaining admission. But, before we get into how to write the Babson essays, let’s check out some “at a glance” facts about this unique college. 

Babson College Admissions: Quick Facts

Babson college quick facts.

Babson College Acceptance Rate:  22%– According to U.S. News , Babson College ranks #1 in Entrepreneurship, and its acceptance rate places it among the most selective colleges in the nation.  

Babson College Essay Requirements:

• 1 (~500 word) Why Major/Why Babson essay OR a 1-minute video on the same topic
• 1 (~250 word) diversity essay

Babson College Application:  Students must submit their Babson College application through the  Common Application . Make sure to have all of your Babson College supplemental essays and other  required application materials  ready when applying. 

Babson College Application Deadlines:

• Early Decision I/ Early Action: November 15 
• Early Decision II: January 2 
• Regular Decision: January 2

Babson Supplemental Essay Tip:  Start early! There are multiple Babson supplemental essays, so having time to brainstorm, draft, and edit them well is critical in order to impress admissions at this competitive college.

Does Babson College have supplemental essays?

Yes — there are two Babson College supplemental essays. In general, supplemental essays are additional essays that colleges ask for to provide more details about your unique interest in the school.  Each school has different supplemental essay requirements . However, there are a few common supplemental essay topics that you’ll likely see in various college applications. The most common are the  “Why School” and “Why Major” essays.

For the first of your two required Babson College supplemental essays, you will need to combine a Why Babson essay and Why Major essay into one 500-word response. You also have the option to submit a one-minute video that answers the prompt, in lieu of an essay. 

The second of the Babson College supplemental essays asks applicants to share more of their identity and background. Essentially, this is a diversity essay. In this essay, Admissions wants to learn more about what has shaped you–and, most importantly, how you will bring your unique experiences to campus.

In the next section, we will break down all the Babson essay requirements in greater detail, including these Babson College essay prompts. 

Babson College Essay Requirements

In total, you must submit three Babson College essays. The first of these essays is the personal statement. Your personal statement is an essay that introduces critical aspect(s) of yourself to the admissions committee. You can submit the same personal statement to all of the colleges you apply to via the Common App . Applicants may choose one of the seven Babson College essay prompts for the personal statement. Check them out here . 

In addition to the Common App personal statement, you must submit two Babson College supplemental essays. 

Babson College Supplemental Essay #1: Why Babson Essay/Why Major Essay

Here is the first of the two Babson College supplemental essay prompts:

Babson College Supplemental Essay Prompt #1

The babson education prepares students for all types of careers across business, entrepreneurship, social innovation, and more. tell us about your interest in this area of study and in babson specifically. (500 words maximum) we invite you to submit your answer in either essay or video format. if you choose to submit a video, please limit your response to a 1-minute video, which can be submitted via a shared link to youtube or another video hosting website. please ensure your video is set to public and is accessible to the admission committee..

Let’s discuss what this Babson essay is looking for. As we shared above, schools often want to know why you wish to attend their institution as well as why you want to study your intended major. In this 500-word essay, Babson College wants you to do both. 

Specifically, this Why Major essay asks applicants to shed light on their interest in entrepreneurship and business since that is Babson’s special focus.Additionally, as a Why Babson essay, admissions asks why you hope to study at the school. Responses to this prompt need to be specific. Now is the time to research programs, internships, professors, or any other opportunities only found at Babson. Be sure to mention what most interests you about studying at Babson.

This Babson College essay prompt is unique in that you can respond in written or video format. The video option offers the advantage of allowing those who express themselves verbally to shine. Regardless of the format you choose (whether the written or video option), you must answer the prompt fully.

Babson College Supplemental Essay #2: Diversity Essay

Now, let’s look at the second of the Babson College supplemental essay prompts:

Babson College Supplemental Essay Prompt #2

A defining element of the babson experience is learning and thriving in an equitable and inclusive community with a wide range of perspectives and interests. please share something about your background, lived experiences, or viewpoint(s) that speaks to how you will contribute to and learn from babson’s collaborative community. (250 words maximum).

This Babson supplemental essay is a version of the diversity essay, another common topic for college essays. Keep in mind that diversity is a broad term. Beyond referring to race, religion, ethnicity, sexuality, gender, and other common dimensions of diversity, the term can also refer to any lived experience. For example, maybe you were the only female in a house full of men, or perhaps you lived in 13 countries as a child. In this sense, every person has many dimensions of diversity in their lived experience.

At Babson, diversity and inclusion are valued. As such, this Babson supplemental essay seeks to gather more information not only about your ability to be self-reflective of your experiences but also about how you will use those experiences to contribute to Babson’s inclusive, collaborative spirit.

Next, we will dive further into tips for writing your Babson supplemental essays. 

How to write the Babson supplemental essays

Now that we have broken down the Babson College essay prompts, let’s take a closer look at how to write the Babson supplemental essays. Here are some tips for writing successful Babson essays:

Four Tips for Writing Babson College Essays

1. start early.

As we stated, there are three Babson essays you will need to complete – your personal statement and two Babson supplemental essays. Starting early is critical. Normally, essay prompts are released by August 1. However, you can begin brainstorming even before the prompts are released. Think about life experiences and personality traits that are central to who you are. In August, begin to work on your essay drafts. You will likely need several drafts of each essay and time in between writing them to give yourself breaks. These pauses within the drafting process can often provide greater clarity for final edits. 

2. Choose a written or video format

For one of your Babson supplemental essays, you have the option to submit a 1-minute video that encapsulates your response to the prompt. If you choose the video option, be sure to spend time drafting a script and planning out how and where you will film your video. Though the video may seem like the easier option, it presents different challenges such as ensuring you come across as positive and professional in your speech. Be sure to provide specific examples and details in your response to the question, just as you would in your essay.

3. Answer the whole prompt

The Babson College essay prompts are unique in that they ask multiple questions in one prompt. As we mentioned, the first of your Babson supplemental essays is a Why Major essay and a Why Babson essay. Be sure you answer both of the prompt’s questions clearly in your response. Look for specific details you can highlight in your Why Babson essay. Perhaps you want to highlight which of the 24 Babson college majors, also known as concentrations, interest you.  

In the second of your Babson supplemental essays, you must discuss an aspect of your identity that is important to you along with how it will inform your engagement with Babson’s campus culture. Reflect deeply on your life experiences before responding to your Babson College essay prompts.

4. Highlight Babson values

One of the unstated but underlying goals of the Babson supplemental essay prompts is to see how aligned you are with Babson’s values . To be successful in demonstrating that you understand them, familiarize yourself with the school’s standards. What does Babson mean when they say they value integrity, collaboration, diversity, innovation, and excellence? How do you align with these values? When choosing topics for your Babson supplemental essays, consider which of your experiences can most strongly demonstrate these principles.

If you follow these tips for writing your Babson supplemental essays, you will be off to a strong start in overcoming the low Babson College acceptance rate.

Are the Babson essays optional?

No, none of the Babson essays are optional. You must submit your personal statement and your two Babson College supplemental essays to have a complete application.

While none of the essays are optional, you do have the choice to submit a video instead of the first Babson supplemental essay. If you choose to do so, make sure your video responds fully to the prompt and provides details and examples to flesh out your arguments. Prepare well for filming your video– make sure it is easy to see and hear you throughout.

You also have the option of applying to Babson early or regular decision. Within the early options, you may apply Early Decision I or Early Action by November 15. Keep in mind that Early Decision is a binding agreement, meaning that you are committing to attending Babson if they admit you. If you decide you need more time to work on your essays, consider applying Early Decision II or Regular Decision by January 2. This will allow you more time to develop a strong application. To learn more about application deadlines, including the benefits or disadvantages of each type, check out this article .

So, we’ve established that the Babson supplemental essays are not optional and have reviewed the deadlines for submission. But, just how big of a role do these essays play in admissions decisions? Let’s check out their importance when it comes to gaining acceptance to Babson. 

Does Babson College care about essays?

Yes! Babson cares deeply about essays for many reasons. Each year Babson receives thousands of applications but only admits 20% of applicants. As such, the Babson College acceptance rate is quite competitive. To distinguish between candidates who have similar academic records, Babson admissions officers use the essays and other factors to determine a candidate’s fit. This is part of Babson’s holistic approach to admissions, which takes many factors into account when evaluating a candidate. Through the Why Babson essay, admissions officers can tell how interested you are in Babson specifically. 

Additionally, Babson is first and foremost a liberal arts college. As such, Babson very much values the way that students think and express themselves, as this is a key part of a liberal arts education. In turn, the Babson essays are important in showing Babson admissions officers your critical thinking and writing capabilities. 

Lastly, Babson values diversity, equity, and inclusion. Through the final Babson essay, you have the opportunity to express a part of your identity that may not be evident elsewhere on your application. By taking the time to write a reflective essay, you will convey how much you value this central part of Babson’s culture.

For these reasons and more, Babson College cares deeply about your essays. Take the time to make the most of each of your Babson essays. For some extra guidance, here are some writing tips that Babson provides.

How can I make my Babson College essays stand out?

Now that you know how important your Babson supplemental essays are, you might be wondering how you can make them stand out. In this section, we will provide specific tips for how to respond to the Babson College essay prompts:

Three Tips for Making Your Essay Stand Out

1. write a hook.

Since Babson College admissions officers must read thousands of essays, one way to make sure your essay stands out is to start off with a hook. A hook is a literary term for an opening that captures the reader’s attention. Hooks can take many forms. Perhaps you start with a bit of dialogue, a vivid description of a scene, a thought-provoking question, or an unexpected idea. If you aren’t sure whether your hook is captivating, ask friends to read it and tell you if the opening makes them want to keep reading your essay.

2. Edit well

Speaking of support from others, make sure you get guidance throughout the editing process. Some writers say that editing is the heart of writing since it is through editing that you refine your voice and message. When you edit, consider the four Cs: 

• Is it clear? Do my ideas flow and make logical sense? Are any details missing that would help make my story clearer? 
• Is it grammatically correct? A grammatically correct essay demonstrates your writing abilities as well as the care you took to write a strong Babson supplemental essay.
• Is it concise? Being concise is critical for a few reasons. First, you have limited space in each of your Babson supplemental essays. By removing nonessential words or phrases, you make more space for important ideas. Secondly, a concise essay is easier to follow. When sentences are too wordy, they can easily lose the reader’s attention. Read your writing out loud to see if each sentence can be read in a single breath. If you have to pause to take a breath while reading, your sentence is probably too long. 
• Is it compelling? To answer this question with a confident “yes,” you will need to get a second or third opinion. Ask your reader to be honest about whether the essay topic and style make it interesting to read. If not, maybe you need to play with the essay format, sentence structures, or hook.

3. Be authentic

When answering the Babson college essay prompts, you should think about what topics are most important and relevant to you. Do not worry about what admissions officers want to hear, or what you think sounds impressive. Babson admissions officers admit that some of their favorite essays are the simplest ones that express a seemingly mundane activity or interest with great detail. By being yourself, you have a greater chance of telling an interesting story.

When writing your Babson supplemental essays, the best approach to take is one that allows you to be yourself. After all, these essays are an opportunity to share more about your unique skills, experiences, and values. By showcasing your personality, your essay is bound to stand out.

Babson College Supplemental Essays – 5 Takeaways

Getting into Babson College is not an easy feat. However, with effort and support, you can write Babson supplemental essays that propel your application to the top of the pile. By now, we have covered many aspects of writing good Babson supplemental essays. 

Here are 5 key takeaways you should keep in mind:

Babson College Essays Takeaways

1. the babson supplemental essays are a very important part of your application.

Since the Babson College ranking makes it a very competitive school, your essays are the place to set yourself apart from other candidates.

2. There are two Babson supplemental essays you must write, in addition to your personal statement

Make sure you read the Babson College essay prompts carefully and answer every part of the prompt. Keep in mind that the Why Babson essay is also a Why Major essay – so make a case for which of the Babson College majors really draws you to the school.

3. You can submit a video for one of your Babson supplemental essays

Instead of writing a 500-word response, you can submit a video for your first Babson supplemental essay. Ensure that your 1-minute video is concise, compelling, and showcases your personality.

4. Take time to edit your Babson supplemental essays well

A well-edited essay that is clear, grammatically correct, concise, and compelling will be easier and more interesting to read. Make sure that you submit error-free essays.

5. Be yourself

Your Babson supplemental essays are the space to showcase who you are. While you want to highlight aspects of Babson that made you want to apply, you should also make sure you are writing about experiences that matter to you. And most definitely write in your own voice. 

Use these 5 takeaways to write Babson supplemental essays that stand out from the rest. Remember that writing essays is best done with support. Always seek help from a trusted individual, like a teacher, friend, or CollegeAdvisor admissions specialist. These individuals can help make sure you are answering the prompt fully and in a compelling manner.

Take the time to write Babson supplemental essays that showcase your voice and unique lived experiences. In time, you’ll reap the benefits of your honest hard work, whether you end up at Babson or another fantastic university. Good luck!

This essay guide was written by senior advisor, Courtney Ng . Looking for more admissions support? Click here to schedule a free meeting with one of our Admissions Specialists. During your meeting, our team will discuss your profile and help you find targeted ways to increase your admissions odds at top schools. We’ll also answer any questions and discuss how CollegeAdvisor.com can support you in the college application process.

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Babson College’s 2023-24 Essay Prompts

Why this college short response.

The Babson education prepares students for all types of careers across business, entrepreneurship, social innovation, and more. Tell us about your interest in this area of study and in Babson specifically.

Diversity Short Response

A defining element of the Babson experience is learning and thriving in an equitable and inclusive community with a wide range of perspectives and interests. Please share something about your background, lived experiences, or viewpoint(s) that speaks to how you will contribute to and learn from Babson‘s collaborative community.

Late Enrollment Short Response

If you have indicated interest in the January Enrollment option, please address why you would like to be a candidate for this option and what you might choose to do in the fall. Please note if you would prefer to enroll at Babson through January Enrollment over Fall Enrollment.

Common App Personal Essay

The essay demonstrates your ability to write clearly and concisely on a selected topic and helps you distinguish yourself in your own voice. What do you want the readers of your application to know about you apart from courses, grades, and test scores? Choose the option that best helps you answer that question and write an essay of no more than 650 words, using the prompt to inspire and structure your response. Remember: 650 words is your limit, not your goal. Use the full range if you need it, but don‘t feel obligated to do so.

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you?

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you‘ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

What will first-time readers think of your college essay?

College Essays That Worked: See Examples

Experts say a good college essay features a student's voice and personality.

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Students should know themselves and write authoritatively so they can share a sense of their lives with admissions officers.

Many college applications require a personal essay, which can be daunting for students to write.

But a few simple tips, some introspection and insight into what admissions officers are looking for can help ease the pressure. U.S. News has compiled several college essay examples that helped students get into school. Shared by admissions staff or referenced from admissions websites, these essays stand out, they say, because the student voices shine, helping the school get to know the applicants.

"Students can get caught in the trap of overthinking it and write the essay that's going to impress the admissions committee," says Andrew Strickler, dean of admission and financial aid at Connecticut College . "The best essays, the ones that really pop, are the ones that come across as authentic and you really hear the student's voice."

The essay gives schools a feel for how a student writes, but it's the content of the essay that matters most, admissions professionals say. In other words, while it's important to showcase sound grammar and writing, it's even more important to showcase your character and personality.

"I care more about their stories than if it is a perfect five paragraph essay," David Graves, interim director of admissions at the University of Georgia , wrote in an email.

Many schools give students a wide range of topics to choose from, which experts say can be beneficial in helping students find their voice.

While you want your voice to be apparent, it's wise to be aware of your tone, says Allen Koh, CEO of Cardinal Education, an admissions consulting company that works with students to craft and revise their college essays. The goal of the essay is to make a strong case for why you’re different from all the other applicants, not necessarily why you’re better, he adds.

"You have to pass the genuine likability test. Sometimes kids are so busy trying to brag or tell their story that they’re forgetting they have to sound like a likable person. That’s a very simple test, but it’s really important."

Good essays tend to be "positively emotional," he says. It's best to avoid using sarcasm because it tends to fail on college essays.

Any humor used "really has to be a very positive, witty humor, not sarcastic," which he says can be hard to pick up on in an essay.

The Perils of Using AI for Essays

Choosing the right tone can be a challenge for many students, but admissions pros encourage them not to take shortcuts to completing their essay.

Though some college professors have embraced artificial intelligence tools like ChatGPT in their classrooms, Strickler says he's begun to stress in recent talks with high school audiences the importance of original work and avoiding the use of AI tools like ChatGPT to craft college essays. While it might produce a technically well-written essay and save time, your unique voice will be stripped away, and it may leave a bad impression on admissions offices as well as prevent them from truly getting to know you, he says.

Instead, Graves says, start early and take time to write it yourself, then "actually read it out loud to someone ... to listen to the rhythm and words as they are 'read.'"

Each spring on his admissions blog , Graves shares an enrolling student's essay and why it was strong. The essay excerpted below, shared with the permission of the University of Georgia, uses descriptive word choice and gives the admissions office deep insight into the student's life, their love for writing and their connection to their family, Graves says.

It was chosen as an example "to show our applicant pool how to express themselves through similes, sensory language (words that capture the senses of the reader), and emotion," Graves wrote on the blog.

Here's how the essay opened:

If you asked me what object I’d save in a burning fire, I’d save my notebook. My notebook isn’t just any notebook, it’s bubble gum pink with purple tie dye swirls, and has gold coil binding it together. But more importantly, it’s the key that unlocked my superpower, sending me soaring into the sky, flying high above any problems that could ever catch me. However, my notebook is simply the key. My real power rests in the depths of my mind, in my passion for writing. But to know how my powers came to be (not from a spider or a special rock), I must travel back to the first spark.

Four years ago, I wrote my first 6-word memoir in my eighth-grade rhetoric class. Inspired by my father’s recently diagnosed terminal illness, I wrote “Take his words, don’t take him”. It was as if all the energy of my powers surged into six meaningful words meant to honor the man that I would soon lose to a villain known as ALS. This was the first time I felt my writing. Three years ago, my dad’s disease severely progressed. The ALS seized his ability to speak and locked it in a tower with no key. The only way we could communicate was with an old spiral notebook. ...

The essay counted down each year ("three years ago," "two years ago," etc.) and concluded with this paragraph:

One month ago, I needed my powers more than ever before. I needed them to convey who I truly am for the chance at the future of my dreams as a writer. Except this time, I didn’t need the key because my powers grew into fruition. Instead, I opened my laptop only to type out one sentence… “If you asked me what object to save in a burning fire, I’d save my notebook.”

This style of storytelling, which shows not just the triumph at the end but also the conflict, struggle and evolution in between, makes for great essays, Koh says.

"The student also used an intriguing timeline (counting down years and month) to tell their story, and showed how she had grown," Graves says.

This next essay, by an anonymous writer and shared on Connecticut College 's admissions page , "manages to capture multiple aspects of the writer's personality, while not becoming overly cluttered or confusing," writes Susanna Matthews, associate director of admission at the school.

Every person who truly knows me believes that I was born in the wrong century. They call me "an old soul" because I'm a collector, attracted to books, antiques, vinyl records and anything from the 80's. But they also think I am unique in other ways. I believe it is because of the meaningful connections to my two languages and two cultures.

When we moved into our first American house, I was excited to decorate my new room. The first thing I knew I needed was a place to organize my most cherished possessions I have collected throughout my life. I searched and finally found a bookshelf with twenty-five thick sections that I could build and organize alphabetically ... Each shelf holds important objects from different parts of my life. ...

These books are a strong connection to my Brazilian heritage. They also remind me of the time when I was growing up in Brazil, as a member of a large Italian-Brazilian family.

The writer continues on, describing the types of books on each shelf, from Harry Potter to books used to learn English. They describe the bottom of the bookshelf housing some of their most prized possessions, like an old typewriter their grandfather gave them. They wonder about the words it has crafted and stories it has told.

As I grab my favorite Elvis vinyl to play, I can only wonder about the next chapter of my life. I look forward to adding new books, new friends, and a wide variety of experiences to my bookshelf.

"By placing one subject (the bookshelf) at the center of the piece, it lends some flexibility to layer in much more detail than if they had tried to discuss a few different interests in the essay," Matthews writes. "You learn a lot about the person, in a way that isn't in your face – a great thing when trying to write a personal essay."

Some colleges require a supplemental essay in addition to the personal statement. Typically, admissions pros note, these essays are shorter and focus on answering a specific question posed by the college.

The University of Chicago in Illinois allows students to submit essay prompts as inspiration for the admissions office and gives students some latitude in how they answer them. Essay prompts range from questions about the school itself to asking students to pick a question from a song title or lyric and give their best shot at answering it.

"We think of them as an opportunity for students to tell us about themselves, their tastes, and their ambitions," the school's admissions website reads. "They can be approached with utter seriousness, complete fancy, or something in between."

While the University of Chicago says there is no strict word limit on its supplemental essays, other schools prefer brevity. For example, Stanford University in California asks students to answer several short questions, with a 50-word limit, in addition to answering three essay questions in 100 to 250 words.

Georgia asks for a school-specific supplemental essay that's 200-300 words in addition to a 250- to 650-word personal essay.

"Sometimes a shorter essay response is not as polished an essay, but instead is a more casual, more relaxed essay," Graves says. "In addition, sometimes a student needs to get to the point or be concise, and this helps see if they can give us their story without overdoing it."

Other schools allow for a little more creativity in how the supplemental essay questions are answered. Babson College in Massachusetts, for example, gives students a 500-word limit to answer a prompt, or they can choose to submit a one-minute video about why they chose to apply to the school.

One student, Gabrielle Alias, chose to film a "day-in-the-life" video , which she narrated to answer the prompt, "Who Am I?"

"Visiting campus twice, I know I could see myself as one of the many interesting, innovative, and enticing students that come out of Babson," she says in the video. "But who am I you ask? I am a student. I am a reader. I am a researcher. I am a music lover. ... I am Gabrielle Alias and I am excited for who I will be as a graduate of Babson."

An essay by Babson student Bessie Shiroki, seen below, describes her experience in the school's admissions office and how she immediately felt comfortable.

I immediately smiled at the sight of my favorite board game. Babsonopoly. I love the combination of strategy and luck in this traditional family pastime. Seeing this on the wall in the admissions office gave me immediate comfort; I knew I was home.

Shiroki describes what she felt set Babson College apart from other schools, such as being surrounded by "sophisticated and mature individuals" and a tight-knit, entrepreneurial environment that would help her reach her career goals.

It is natural for me to be in a small class where more than one language is spoken. I am accustomed to discussions with diverse viewpoints, open minds, and where differences are seen as advantages. I embrace my cultural uniqueness, and I will add my voice to the community. I can’t imagine not continuing this in college.

She notes that as she toured the campus and saw students studying, she could see herself as one of them, feeding off of their studious and entrepreneurial energy. She mentions that Babson's Foundations of Management and Entrepreneurship class got her attention immediately and she saw it as a launch pad for a future that included running a business.

Babson recognizes the potential of their students, and FME is a great way for young entrepreneurs like me to find our place in the business world and learn from our mistakes. I am capable of this challenge and will conquer it with tenacity. I will bring my dedication, commitment, and innovative skills to Babson College.

Now it’s my turn to pass go and collect my Babson acceptance letter. I’ve found my next challenge.

Babson College offers several tips for what make good essays, including a strong "hook" to engage the reader from the start and a topic that allows you to share something that's not as obvious on your application.

When it comes to writing a college admissions essay – whether personal or supplemental – experts advise students to follow these rules:

• Find your voice.
• Write about a topic that matters to you.
• Share your personality.
• Express yourself.
• Proofread extensively.

With both traditional essays and supplemental essays, Koh says it's best to write long and work with someone you trust to edit it down. Teachers, friends and parents can all be helpful proofreaders, but experts note that the student voice should remain intact.

A good editor can help edit a long essay to keep the main message but with fewer words. “If I see 400 words, I know I’m a dozen drafts away from getting it to 650,” he says. “If I see 1200 words, we might just be one or two away. It’s at least going to be a shorter haul.”

Strickler encourages students not to stress too much over the essay or put unnecessary weight on it as part of their college application . While a strong essay helps, he says, it doesn't make or break an application.

"There's this sense that you write the most amazing essay and it gets you over the top because it opens the door to the pathway to the Magic Kingdom," he says. "But it's just one piece of a myriad of pieces that allow us to get to know a particular student and help us figure out if they're a good fit and how they're going to contribute to our community."

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Babson College Guide

The Ivy Scholars guide to Babson College’s culture, admissions, and other essential information for prospective students and their families.

Location: Wellesley, Massachusetts

Mascot: Biz E Beaver

Type: Private Business School

Population: 3,100 (2,300 undergrads)

Jump to Section:

Statistics  

Natl. Rankings  

Admissions Info

Academics  

Special Programs

Student Life  

Financial Info  

Fun Facts     

About Babson College

Founded to offer an education which prepared students for roles as executives, not mere cogs in the workforce, Babson has focused on the practicalities of business since its inception. With only a single major and degree offered, Babson remains devoted to preparing students for the world of business, though they have greatly expanded their Liberal Arts course offerings.

Babson College Statistics

Year Founded:  1919

4 Year Graduation Rate:  89%

Gender Distribution: 53% male, 47% female

Acceptance Rate:  19%

Residency:  27% in state, 43% out of state, 30% international

Location Type: College Town

Schedule System:  Semesters

Student/Faculty Ratio:  14:1

Average Class Size:  20

Demographics: 40% Other/unknown, 33% Caucasian, 12% Hispanic, 11% Asian, 4% Black

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National Rankings

US News Rankings:

• #1 in Entrepreneurship Programs
• #30 Business Program

Independent Rankings:

• #12 Best Career Placement per The Princeton Review
• #22 Best Colleges for Business per Niche
• #25 Best Value Colleges per Niche
• #45 Best Value Colleges per The Princeton Review
• #52 Private Colleges per Forbes
• #62 Top Colleges per Forbes
• #68 Top Private Universities per Niche
• #124 Best Colleges per The Times of Higher Education

Babson College Admissions Information

Application Deadlines:

• Early Decision I:  November 1st
• Early Decision II:  January 3rd
• Early Action:  November 1st
• Regular Decision: January 3rd
• Transfer Deadline: April 1st

Notification Dates:

• Early Decision I:  Mid-December
• Early Decision II:  Mid-February
• Early Action:  January 1st
• Regular Decision:  Mid-March

Acceptance Rates:

• ED II:  26% 
• Transfer:  37%

Average Applicant Pool:  6,400

Average Number of Applicants Accepted:  1,700

Average Number Enrolled: 600

Application Systems:  Common App

Average GPA: 3.86 weighted

SAT Scores: 25th% – 1270, 75th% – 1450

ACT Scores: 25th% – 28, 75th% – 32

*Test mandatory, writing sections required. Babson is test-optional until 2024.

Demonstrated Interest: Babson College does consider demonstrated interest.

How to demonstrate interest .

Recommendation Letter Policies: One letter from a counselor and one letter from a teacher are required.

Babson College Essay Prompts:

• Common App personal statement (650 words)
• Your moment has arrived. Share with us the moments or experiences that have led you to apply to Babson College. You are invited to respond to the writing supplement with either a traditional essay (500 words maximum) OR a one-minute video. Whichever you choose, no preference is given to either format in admission decisions.
• (Optional): Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (250 words)

Babson Essay Writing Tips

Special Notes:

• Interviews are available, but not required.
• They recommend students have math experience through pre-calculus at a minimum.
• Applicants must have completed at least one semester of undergrad before transferring.
• The Common App is the only platform they use.
• They require a letter of recommendation from a professor, and a counselor report.
• Standardized test scores are required, as are official transcripts.
• The same essays are required as first-year admissions.

Babson College Academics

• The College
• Only one school and one major exist at Babson.

Core Requirements:

• Babson requires all students participate in core programs. These are Foundations of Management and Entrepreneurship, Coaching for Leadership and Teamwork, First Year Seminar, and Arts and Humanities/History and Society Foundation.
• Comprehensive Information

Courses of Study: 

• 1 Major Offered
• 27 Concentrations Offered
• The most popular major is Business Administration & Management, which is also the only major offered.
• Course Catalog

AP Credit Policies:

• Babson awards course credit for scores of 4 or 5. They grant credit for scores of 5 or higher on IB exams. They allow a maximum of 16 credits from testing.
• Comprehensive Test Credit Information

Honors Programs:

• The Honors Program allows advanced students to take more challenging courses, undertake an honors project, and study abroad. Students may only apply to join the Honors Program after their first year, and it requires a minimum GPA of 3.4.
• Senior Awards are presented to graduating seniors in recognition of their achievements at Babson.
• Undergraduate Awards are presented to any undergraduate student who has distinguished themselves in the Babson community.
• Graduation Honors are available to graduating students who meet GPA requirements.

Research Availability:

• Students may complete Independent Research Projects for course credit.

Study Abroad: 

• Study Abroad Options

Business Options: 

• Babson College is a business school, meaning all of its offerings are, at their core, business related.

Pre-Med Options:

• There is no pre-med major, concentration, or advising department. Students interested in pre-med may take the required courses at a partner institution .
• The Healey Center is dedicated to the intersection of healthcare and entrepreneurship.

Pre-Law Options:

• There is a Law concentration offered, which includes a limited amount of pre-law advising as well.

Computer Science Options: 

• There is an Information Technology Management concentration, which readies students to lead, consult on, or participate in IT.
• You may cross register for CS classes at partner schools.

Additional Specialty Programs: 

• Cross Registration Babson Students may register for courses at Olin College, Wellesley College, Brandeis University, and Regis College.
• Senior Led Seminars  
• Arthur M. Blank Center for Entrepreneurship
• Stephen D. Cutler Center for Investments and Finance
• The Lewis Institute for Social Innovation
• The Weissman Foundry

Programs for High Schoolers:

• Summer Study offers rising juniors and seniors a 3.5 week hands-on opportunity to experience college life, and explore their interests in business and entrepreneurship.

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Student life at babson college.

School Motto: Life, Sweetness, Hope

Mission and Values:

• Mission: Babson College prepares and empowers entrepreneurial leaders who create, grow and steward sustainable economic and social value—everywhere.
• Values: Integrity, Collaboration, Diversity, Innovation, and Excellence
• Additional Information
• Student Testimonials ( Niche , Unigo , Cappex )

House System:

Residence halls come in a variety of shapes and sizes, offering both traditional dorm-style housing and suites. There is also special interest housing available, where students can join a living learning community. Female-only housing is available. All first-year students are required to live on-campus. Housing is not guaranteed for transfer students. Students are permitted to live on-campus for all four years. There are 17 different residence halls available.

Housing Statistics:

• 100% of Freshmen live on campus
• 76% of undergrads live on-campus at any given time

Campus & Surrounding Area :  

• Located in the Babson Park neighborhood of Wellesley, MA , the campus is quite small, but located just 15 miles from Boston. The campus is covered in trees, and centers around Babson Commons.
• Points of interest on and around campus include: Carling-Sorenson Theater , Wellesley Symphony Orchestra , Webster Athletics Center , Hunnewell Arboretum , and the Elm Bank Horticultural Center .
• Safety Information ( Babson , College Factual )
• Virtual Tour

Transportation:

• Babson offers a shuttle between their campus and neighboring college campuses of Olin and Wellesley.
• They recommend students walk or use public transportation if they don’t have a car.
• Parking Information

Traditions:

• Founder’s Day – Students gather to enjoy food and events and celebrate Roger babson. The event has a focus on philanthropy as well.
• Back to Babson – Alumni are invited back to campus in the fall to reminisce about their time at Babson, and catch up with old friends.
• Friends and Family Weekend – Students’ families are invited to campus for a weekend of food, celebrations, and performances each fall, so they can see how you’re doing at college.
• Late Night Breakfast – Right before final exams at the end of Fall semester, the dining hall opens late for breakfast, served by faculty and staff.

Student-Run Organizations:  

• Organization Database
• Sample Organizations ( Alpha Kappa Psi , Babson Free Press , Babson Dance Ensemble )
• D3 Athletics New England Women’s and Men’s Athletic Conference (Good Men’s soccer and Women’s golf)
• Intramural Sports
• Club Sports

Greek Life:  

• 21% of students are members of Greek life, including social, service, and academic organizations.
• There are frat or apartment parties most weekends, especially hosted by upperclassmen.
• The school is just 15 miles from Boston , a large city with a vibrant nightlife scene , with most areas of the city accessible by public transit.

Financial Information

Yearly Cost of Attendance:

• Total: $76,410
• Tuition: $54,944
• Room: $11,910
• Meal Plan: $6,324
• Books and Supplies: $1,218
• Personal: $1,964

Financial Aid: Around 50% of all students receive some form of financial aid. Babson is need blind, and commits to meeting 100% of demonstrated financial need. They will meet this same level of need each year, as long as there isn’t a major change in the family’s financial situation. International students are eligible for limited financial aid.

Additional Financial Aid & Student Loan Information

Scholarships: While the majority of aid dollars are devoted to financial need, Babson also offers merit-based scholarships . Many of these scholarships are awarded when students first enter the college, but some are awarded in later years to students who show remarkable academic achievements.

• The school started with just 27 students, in the former home of Roger Babson, its founder.
• Students were originally required to punch in and out with a time-card, and had personal secretaries to help with typing.
• Notable alumni include Olympic gymnast and gold medalist Aly Raisman and Terrell Braly, founder of Quiznos.
• The dining halls only carry Pepsi products, as a  former CEO of Pepsi attended the school, and the company is still a major donor.
• The founder, Roger Babson, is buried on campus between his first wife, Grace Babson, and his mistress-turned-second-wife, Nora Babson.
• There is a descendant of Isaac Newton’s apple tree on campus.

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Choose Your Test

Sat / act prep online guides and tips, 177 college essay examples for 11 schools + expert analysis.

College Admissions , College Essays

The personal statement might just be the hardest part of your college application. Mostly this is because it has the least guidance and is the most open-ended. One way to understand what colleges are looking for when they ask you to write an essay is to check out the essays of students who already got in—college essays that actually worked. After all, they must be among the most successful of this weird literary genre.

In this article, I'll go through general guidelines for what makes great college essays great. I've also compiled an enormous list of 100+ actual sample college essays from 11 different schools. Finally, I'll break down two of these published college essay examples and explain why and how they work. With links to 177 full essays and essay excerpts , this article is a great resource for learning how to craft your own personal college admissions essay!

What Excellent College Essays Have in Common

Even though in many ways these sample college essays are very different from one other, they do share some traits you should try to emulate as you write your own essay.

Visible Signs of Planning

Building out from a narrow, concrete focus. You'll see a similar structure in many of the essays. The author starts with a very detailed story of an event or description of a person or place. After this sense-heavy imagery, the essay expands out to make a broader point about the author, and connects this very memorable experience to the author's present situation, state of mind, newfound understanding, or maturity level.

Knowing how to tell a story. Some of the experiences in these essays are one-of-a-kind. But most deal with the stuff of everyday life. What sets them apart is the way the author approaches the topic: analyzing it for drama and humor, for its moving qualities, for what it says about the author's world, and for how it connects to the author's emotional life.

Stellar Execution

A killer first sentence. You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again: you have to suck the reader in, and the best place to do that is the first sentence. Great first sentences are punchy. They are like cliffhangers, setting up an exciting scene or an unusual situation with an unclear conclusion, in order to make the reader want to know more. Don't take my word for it—check out these 22 first sentences from Stanford applicants and tell me you don't want to read the rest of those essays to find out what happens!

A lively, individual voice. Writing is for readers. In this case, your reader is an admissions officer who has read thousands of essays before yours and will read thousands after. Your goal? Don't bore your reader. Use interesting descriptions, stay away from clichés, include your own offbeat observations—anything that makes this essay sounds like you and not like anyone else.

Technical correctness. No spelling mistakes, no grammar weirdness, no syntax issues, no punctuation snafus—each of these sample college essays has been formatted and proofread perfectly. If this kind of exactness is not your strong suit, you're in luck! All colleges advise applicants to have their essays looked over several times by parents, teachers, mentors, and anyone else who can spot a comma splice. Your essay must be your own work, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help polishing it.

And if you need more guidance, connect with PrepScholar's expert admissions consultants . These expert writers know exactly what college admissions committees look for in an admissions essay and chan help you craft an essay that boosts your chances of getting into your dream school.

Check out PrepScholar's Essay Editing and Coaching progra m for more details!

Links to Full College Essay Examples

Some colleges publish a selection of their favorite accepted college essays that worked, and I've put together a selection of over 100 of these.

Common App Essay Samples

Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. The current Common App prompts are as follows:

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? 4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Now, let's get to the good stuff: the list of 177 college essay examples responding to current and past Common App essay prompts. 

Connecticut college.

• 12 Common Application essays from the classes of 2022-2025

Hamilton College

• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2026
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2022
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2018
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2012
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2007

Johns Hopkins

These essays are answers to past prompts from either the Common Application or the Coalition Application (which Johns Hopkins used to accept).

• 1 Common Application or Coalition Application essay from the class of 2026
• 6 Common Application or Coalition Application essays from the class of 2025
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2024
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2023
• 7 Common Application of Universal Application essays from the class of 2022
• 5 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2021
• 7 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2020

Essay Examples Published by Other Websites

• 2 Common Application essays ( 1st essay , 2nd essay ) from applicants admitted to Columbia

Other Sample College Essays

Here is a collection of essays that are college-specific.

Babson College

• 4 essays (and 1 video response) on "Why Babson" from the class of 2020

Emory University

• 5 essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) from the class of 2020 along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on why the essays were exceptional
• 5 more recent essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on what made these essays stand out

University of Georgia

• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2019
• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2018
• 10 Harvard essays from 2023
• 10 Harvard essays from 2022
• 10 Harvard essays from 2021
• 10 Harvard essays from 2020
• 10 Harvard essays from 2019
• 10 Harvard essays from 2018
• 6 essays from admitted MIT students

Smith College

• 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018

Books of College Essays

If you're looking for even more sample college essays, consider purchasing a college essay book. The best of these include dozens of essays that worked and feedback from real admissions officers.

College Essays That Made a Difference —This detailed guide from Princeton Review includes not only successful essays, but also interviews with admissions officers and full student profiles.

50 Successful Harvard Application Essays by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson—A must for anyone aspiring to Harvard .

50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays and 50 Successful Stanford Application Essays by Gen and Kelly Tanabe—For essays from other top schools, check out this venerated series, which is regularly updated with new essays.

Heavenly Essays by Janine W. Robinson—This collection from the popular blogger behind Essay Hell includes a wider range of schools, as well as helpful tips on honing your own essay.

Analyzing Great Common App Essays That Worked

I've picked two essays from the examples collected above to examine in more depth so that you can see exactly what makes a successful college essay work. Full credit for these essays goes to the original authors and the schools that published them.

Example 1: "Breaking Into Cars," by Stephen, Johns Hopkins Class of '19 (Common App Essay, 636 words long)

I had never broken into a car before.

We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?"

"Why me?" I thought.

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. "The water's on fire! Clear a hole!" he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I'm still unconvinced about that particular lesson's practicality, my Dad's overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don't expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It's family. It's society. And often, it's chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

What Makes This Essay Tick?

It's very helpful to take writing apart in order to see just how it accomplishes its objectives. Stephen's essay is very effective. Let's find out why!

An Opening Line That Draws You In

In just eight words, we get: scene-setting (he is standing next to a car about to break in), the idea of crossing a boundary (he is maybe about to do an illegal thing for the first time), and a cliffhanger (we are thinking: is he going to get caught? Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight?).

Great, Detailed Opening Story

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame.

It's the details that really make this small experience come alive. Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. The volunteers aren't going to get food or dinner; they're going for "Texas BBQ." The coat hanger comes from "a dumpster." Stephen doesn't just move the coat hanger—he "jiggles" it.

Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene. The person who hands Stephen the coat hanger isn't just uncomfortable or nervous; he "takes a few steps back"—a description of movement that conveys feelings. Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking.

Turning a Specific Incident Into a Deeper Insight

Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

Stephen makes the locked car experience a meaningful illustration of how he has learned to be resourceful and ready for anything, and he also makes this turn from the specific to the broad through an elegant play on the two meanings of the word "click."

Using Concrete Examples When Making Abstract Claims

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally.

"Unpredictability and chaos" are very abstract, not easily visualized concepts. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. By instantly following up with highly finite and unambiguous illustrations like "family of seven" and "siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing," Stephen grounds the abstraction in something that is easy to picture: a large, noisy family.

Using Small Bits of Humor and Casual Word Choice

My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed.

Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: "in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed."

The humor also feels relaxed. Part of this is because he introduces it with the colloquial phrase "you know," so it sounds like he is talking to us in person. This approach also diffuses the potential discomfort of the reader with his father's strictness—since he is making jokes about it, clearly he is OK. Notice, though, that this doesn't occur very much in the essay. This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant.

An Ending That Stretches the Insight Into the Future

But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The ending of the essay reveals that Stephen's life has been one long preparation for the future. He has emerged from chaos and his dad's approach to parenting as a person who can thrive in a world that he can't control.

This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays. Colleges are very much looking for mature, self-aware applicants. These are the qualities of successful college students, who will be able to navigate the independence college classes require and the responsibility and quasi-adulthood of college life.

What Could This Essay Do Even Better?

Even the best essays aren't perfect, and even the world's greatest writers will tell you that writing is never "finished"—just "due." So what would we tweak in this essay if we could?

Replace some of the clichéd language. Stephen uses handy phrases like "twists and turns" and "don't sweat the small stuff" as a kind of shorthand for explaining his relationship to chaos and unpredictability. But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.

Use another example from recent life. Stephen's first example (breaking into the van in Laredo) is a great illustration of being resourceful in an unexpected situation. But his essay also emphasizes that he "learned to adapt" by being "different things to different people." It would be great to see how this plays out outside his family, either in the situation in Laredo or another context.

Example 2: By Renner Kwittken, Tufts Class of '23 (Common App Essay, 645 words long)

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go," and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration.

Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear.

I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.

In the lab, Dr. Ray encouraged a great amount of autonomy to design and implement my own procedures. I chose to attack a problem that affects the entire field of nanomedicine: nanoparticles consistently fail to translate from animal studies into clinical trials. Jumping off recent literature, I set out to see if a pre-dose of a common chemotherapeutic could enhance nanoparticle delivery in aggressive prostate cancer, creating three novel constructs based on three different linear polymers, each using fluorescent dye (although no gold, sorry goldbug!). Though using radioactive isotopes like Gallium and Yttrium would have been incredible, as a 17-year-old, I unfortunately wasn't allowed in the same room as these radioactive materials (even though I took a Geiger counter to a pair of shoes and found them to be slightly dangerous).

I hadn't expected my hypothesis to work, as the research project would have ideally been led across two full years. Yet while there are still many optimizations and revisions to be done, I was thrilled to find -- with completely new nanoparticles that may one day mean future trials will use particles with the initials "RK-1" -- thatcyclophosphamide did indeed increase nanoparticle delivery to the tumor in a statistically significant way.

A secondary, unexpected research project was living alone in Baltimore, a new city to me, surrounded by people much older than I. Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research. Whether in a presentation or in a casual conversation, making others interested in science is perhaps more exciting to me than the research itself. This solidified a new pursuit to angle my love for writing towards illuminating science in ways people can understand, adding value to a society that can certainly benefit from more scientific literacy.

It seems fitting that my goals are still transforming: in Scarry's book, there is not just one goldbug, there is one on every page. With each new experience, I'm learning that it isn't the goldbug itself, but rather the act of searching for the goldbugs that will encourage, shape, and refine my ever-evolving passions. Regardless of the goldbug I seek -- I know my pickle truck has just begun its journey.

Renner takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but their essay is just as detailed and engaging. Let's go through some of the strengths of this essay.

One Clear Governing Metaphor

This essay is ultimately about two things: Renner’s dreams and future career goals, and Renner’s philosophy on goal-setting and achieving one’s dreams.

But instead of listing off all the amazing things they’ve done to pursue their dream of working in nanomedicine, Renner tells a powerful, unique story instead. To set up the narrative, Renner opens the essay by connecting their experiences with goal-setting and dream-chasing all the way back to a memorable childhood experience:

This lighthearted–but relevant!--story about the moment when Renner first developed a passion for a specific career (“finding the goldbug”) provides an anchor point for the rest of the essay. As Renner pivots to describing their current dreams and goals–working in nanomedicine–the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” is reflected in Renner’s experiments, rejections, and new discoveries.

Though Renner tells multiple stories about their quest to “find the goldbug,” or, in other words, pursue their passion, each story is connected by a unifying theme; namely, that as we search and grow over time, our goals will transform…and that’s okay! By the end of the essay, Renner uses the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” to reiterate the relevance of the opening story:

While the earlier parts of the essay convey Renner’s core message by showing, the final, concluding paragraph sums up Renner’s insights by telling. By briefly and clearly stating the relevance of the goldbug metaphor to their own philosophy on goals and dreams, Renner demonstrates their creativity, insight, and eagerness to grow and evolve as the journey continues into college.

An Engaging, Individual Voice

This essay uses many techniques that make Renner sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know them.

Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other).

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.

I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Renner gives a great example of how to use humor to your advantage in college essays. You don’t want to come off as too self-deprecating or sarcastic, but telling a lightheartedly humorous story about your younger self that also showcases how you’ve grown and changed over time can set the right tone for your entire essay.

Technique #2: intentional, eye-catching structure. The second technique is the way Renner uses a unique structure to bolster the tone and themes of their essay . The structure of your essay can have a major impact on how your ideas come across…so it’s important to give it just as much thought as the content of your essay!

For instance, Renner does a great job of using one-line paragraphs to create dramatic emphasis and to make clear transitions from one phase of the story to the next:

Suddenly the destination of my pickle car was clear.

Not only does the one-liner above signal that Renner is moving into a new phase of the narrative (their nanoparticle research experiences), it also tells the reader that this is a big moment in Renner’s story. It’s clear that Renner made a major discovery that changed the course of their goal pursuit and dream-chasing. Through structure, Renner conveys excitement and entices the reader to keep pushing forward to the next part of the story.

Technique #3: playing with syntax. The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. Most of the essay's written in standard English and uses grammatically correct sentences. However, at key moments, Renner emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences.

Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research.

In the examples above, Renner switches adeptly between long, flowing sentences and quippy, telegraphic ones. At the same time, Renner uses these different sentence lengths intentionally. As they describe their experiences in new places, they use longer sentences to immerse the reader in the sights, smells, and sounds of those experiences. And when it’s time to get a big, key idea across, Renner switches to a short, punchy sentence to stop the reader in their tracks.

The varying syntax and sentence lengths pull the reader into the narrative and set up crucial “aha” moments when it’s most important…which is a surefire way to make any college essay stand out.

Renner's essay is very strong, but there are still a few little things that could be improved.

Connecting the research experiences to the theme of “finding the goldbug.”  The essay begins and ends with Renner’s connection to the idea of “finding the goldbug.” And while this metaphor is deftly tied into the essay’s intro and conclusion, it isn’t entirely clear what Renner’s big findings were during the research experiences that are described in the middle of the essay. It would be great to add a sentence or two stating what Renner’s big takeaways (or “goldbugs”) were from these experiences, which add more cohesion to the essay as a whole.

Give more details about discovering the world of nanomedicine. It makes sense that Renner wants to get into the details of their big research experiences as quickly as possible. After all, these are the details that show Renner’s dedication to nanomedicine! But a smoother transition from the opening pickle car/goldbug story to Renner’s “real goldbug” of nanoparticles would help the reader understand why nanoparticles became Renner’s goldbug. Finding out why Renner is so motivated to study nanomedicine–and perhaps what put them on to this field of study–would help readers fully understand why Renner chose this path in the first place.

4 Essential Tips for Writing Your Own Essay

How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively.

#1: Get Help From the Experts

Getting your college applications together takes a lot of work and can be pretty intimidatin g. Essays are even more important than ever now that admissions processes are changing and schools are going test-optional and removing diversity standards thanks to new Supreme Court rulings .  If you want certified expert help that really makes a difference, get started with  PrepScholar’s Essay Editing and Coaching program. Our program can help you put together an incredible essay from idea to completion so that your application stands out from the crowd. We've helped students get into the best colleges in the United States, including Harvard, Stanford, and Yale.  If you're ready to take the next step and boost your odds of getting into your dream school, connect with our experts today .

#2: Read Other Essays to Get Ideas for Your Own

As you go through the essays we've compiled for you above, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can you explain to yourself (or someone else!) why the opening sentence works well?
• Look for the essay's detailed personal anecdote. What senses is the author describing? Can you easily picture the scene in your mind's eye?
• Find the place where this anecdote bridges into a larger insight about the author. How does the essay connect the two? How does the anecdote work as an example of the author's characteristic, trait, or skill?
• Check out the essay's tone. If it's funny, can you find the places where the humor comes from? If it's sad and moving, can you find the imagery and description of feelings that make you moved? If it's serious, can you see how word choice adds to this tone?

Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it . Is it funny? Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.

#3: Find Your "A-Ha!" Moment

All of these essays rely on connecting with the reader through a heartfelt, highly descriptive scene from the author's life. It can either be very dramatic (did you survive a plane crash?) or it can be completely mundane (did you finally beat your dad at Scrabble?). Either way, it should be personal and revealing about you, your personality, and the way you are now that you are entering the adult world.

Check out essays by authors like John Jeremiah Sullivan , Leslie Jamison , Hanif Abdurraqib , and Esmé Weijun Wang to get more examples of how to craft a compelling personal narrative.

#4: Start Early, Revise Often

Let me level with you: the best writing isn't writing at all. It's rewriting. And in order to have time to rewrite, you have to start way before the application deadline. My advice is to write your first draft at least two months before your applications are due.

Let it sit for a few days untouched. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. What's extra? What's missing? What is in the wrong place? What doesn't make sense? Don't be afraid to take it apart and rearrange sections. Do this several times over, and your essay will be much better for it!

For more editing tips, check out a style guide like Dreyer's English or Eats, Shoots & Leaves .

What's Next?

Still not sure which colleges you want to apply to? Our experts will show you how to make a college list that will help you choose a college that's right for you.

Interested in learning more about college essays? Check out our detailed breakdown of exactly how personal statements work in an application , some suggestions on what to avoid when writing your essay , and our guide to writing about your extracurricular activities .

Working on the rest of your application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying .

The recommendations in this post are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links PrepScholar may receive a commission.

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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College Essays That Worked: See Examples

U.S. News & World Report

July 13, 2023, 8:00 PM

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Many college applications require a personal essay, which can be daunting for students to write.

But a few simple tips, some introspection and insight into what admissions officers are looking for can help ease the pressure. U.S. News has compiled several college essay examples that helped students get into school. Shared by admissions staff or referenced from admissions websites, these essays stand out, they say, because the student voices shine, helping the school get to know the applicants.

“Students can get caught in the trap of overthinking it and write the essay that’s going to impress the admissions committee,” says Andrew Strickler, dean of admission and financial aid at Connecticut College . “The best essays, the ones that really pop, are the ones that come across as authentic and you really hear the student’s voice.”

The essay gives schools a feel for how a student writes, but it’s the content of the essay that matters most, admissions professionals say. In other words, while it’s important to showcase sound grammar and writing, it’s even more important to showcase your character and personality.

“I care more about their stories than if it is a perfect five paragraph essay,” David Graves, interim director of admissions at the University of Georgia , wrote in an email.

Many schools give students a wide range of topics to choose from, which experts say can be beneficial in helping students find their voice.

While you want your voice to be apparent, it’s wise to be aware of your tone, says Allen Koh, CEO of Cardinal Education, an admissions consulting company that works with students to craft and revise their college essays. The goal of the essay is to make a strong case for why you’re different from all the other applicants, not necessarily why you’re better, he adds.

“You have to pass the genuine likability test. Sometimes kids are so busy trying to brag or tell their story that they’re forgetting they have to sound like a likable person. That’s a very simple test, but it’s really important.”

Good essays tend to be “positively emotional,” he says. It’s best to avoid using sarcasm because it tends to fail on college essays.

Any humor used “really has to be a very positive, witty humor, not sarcastic,” which he says can be hard to pick up on in an essay.

The Perils of Using AI for Essays

Choosing the right tone can be a challenge for many students, but admissions pros encourage them not to take shortcuts to completing their essay.

Though some college professors have embraced artificial intelligence tools like ChatGPT in their classrooms, Strickler says he’s begun to stress in recent talks with high school audiences the importance of original work and avoiding the use of AI tools like ChatGPT to craft college essays. While it might produce a technically well-written essay and save time, your unique voice will be stripped away, and it may leave a bad impression on admissions offices as well as prevent them from truly getting to know you, he says.

Instead, Graves says, start early and take time to write it yourself, then “actually read it out loud to someone … to listen to the rhythm and words as they are ‘read.'”

[ READ: How Colleges Choose Which Students to Admit. ]

Each spring on his admissions blog , Graves shares an enrolling student’s essay and why it was strong. The essay excerpted below, shared with the permission of the University of Georgia, uses descriptive word choice and gives the admissions office deep insight into the student’s life, their love for writing and their connection to their family, Graves says.

It was chosen as an example “to show our applicant pool how to express themselves through similes, sensory language (words that capture the senses of the reader), and emotion,” Graves wrote on the blog.

Here’s how the essay opened:

If you asked me what object I’d save in a burning fire, I’d save my notebook. My notebook isn’t just any notebook, it’s bubble gum pink with purple tie dye swirls, and has gold coil binding it together. But more importantly, it’s the key that unlocked my superpower, sending me soaring into the sky, flying high above any problems that could ever catch me. However, my notebook is simply the key. My real power rests in the depths of my mind, in my passion for writing. But to know how my powers came to be (not from a spider or a special rock), I must travel back to the first spark.

Four years ago, I wrote my first 6-word memoir in my eighth-grade rhetoric class. Inspired by my father’s recently diagnosed terminal illness, I wrote “Take his words, don’t take him”. It was as if all the energy of my powers surged into six meaningful words meant to honor the man that I would soon lose to a villain known as ALS. This was the first time I felt my writing. Three years ago, my dad’s disease severely progressed. The ALS seized his ability to speak and locked it in a tower with no key. The only way we could communicate was with an old spiral notebook. …

The essay counted down each year (“three years ago,” “two years ago,” etc.) and concluded with this paragraph:

One month ago, I needed my powers more than ever before. I needed them to convey who I truly am for the chance at the future of my dreams as a writer. Except this time, I didn’t need the key because my powers grew into fruition. Instead, I opened my laptop only to type out one sentence… “If you asked me what object to save in a burning fire, I’d save my notebook.”

This style of storytelling, which shows not just the triumph at the end but also the conflict, struggle and evolution in between, makes for great essays, Koh says.

“The student also used an intriguing timeline (counting down years and month) to tell their story, and showed how she had grown,” Graves says.

This next essay, by an anonymous writer and shared on Connecticut College ‘s admissions page , “manages to capture multiple aspects of the writer’s personality, while not becoming overly cluttered or confusing,” writes Susanna Matthews, associate director of admission at the school.

Every person who truly knows me believes that I was born in the wrong century. They call me “an old soul” because I’m a collector, attracted to books, antiques, vinyl records and anything from the 80’s. But they also think I am unique in other ways. I believe it is because of the meaningful connections to my two languages and two cultures.

When we moved into our first American house, I was excited to decorate my new room. The first thing I knew I needed was a place to organize my most cherished possessions I have collected throughout my life. I searched and finally found a bookshelf with twenty-five thick sections that I could build and organize alphabetically … Each shelf holds important objects from different parts of my life. …

These books are a strong connection to my Brazilian heritage. They also remind me of the time when I was growing up in Brazil, as a member of a large Italian-Brazilian family.

The writer continues on, describing the types of books on each shelf, from Harry Potter to books used to learn English. They describe the bottom of the bookshelf housing some of their most prized possessions, like an old typewriter their grandfather gave them. They wonder about the words it has crafted and stories it has told.

As I grab my favorite Elvis vinyl to play, I can only wonder about the next chapter of my life. I look forward to adding new books, new friends, and a wide variety of experiences to my bookshelf.

“By placing one subject (the bookshelf) at the center of the piece, it lends some flexibility to layer in much more detail than if they had tried to discuss a few different interests in the essay,” Matthews writes. “You learn a lot about the person, in a way that isn’t in your face — a great thing when trying to write a personal essay.”

[ Read: The Common App: Everything You Need to Know. ]

Some colleges require a supplemental essay in addition to the personal statement. Typically, admissions pros note, these essays are shorter and focus on answering a specific question posed by the college.

The University of Chicago in Illinois allows students to submit essay prompts as inspiration for the admissions office and gives students some latitude in how they answer them. Essay prompts range from questions about the school itself to asking students to pick a question from a song title or lyric and give their best shot at answering it.

“We think of them as an opportunity for students to tell us about themselves, their tastes, and their ambitions,” the school’s admissions website reads. “They can be approached with utter seriousness, complete fancy, or something in between.”

While the University of Chicago says there is no strict word limit on its supplemental essays, other schools prefer brevity. For example, Stanford University in California asks students to answer several short questions, with a 50-word limit, in addition to answering three essay questions in 100 to 250 words.

Georgia asks for a school-specific supplemental essay that’s 200-300 words in addition to a 250- to 650-word personal essay.

“Sometimes a shorter essay response is not as polished an essay, but instead is a more casual, more relaxed essay,” Graves says. “In addition, sometimes a student needs to get to the point or be concise, and this helps see if they can give us their story without overdoing it.”

Other schools allow for a little more creativity in how the supplemental essay questions are answered. Babson College in Massachusetts, for example, gives students a 500-word limit to answer a prompt, or they can choose to submit a one-minute video about why they chose to apply to the school.

One student, Gabrielle Alias, chose to film a “day-in-the-life” video , which she narrated to answer the prompt, “Who Am I?”

“Visiting campus twice, I know I could see myself as one of the many interesting, innovative, and enticing students that come out of Babson,” she says in the video. “But who am I you ask? I am a student. I am a reader. I am a researcher. I am a music lover. … I am Gabrielle Alias and I am excited for who I will be as a graduate of Babson.”

An essay by Babson student Bessie Shiroki, seen below, describes her experience in the school’s admissions office and how she immediately felt comfortable.

I immediately smiled at the sight of my favorite board game. Babsonopoly. I love the combination of strategy and luck in this traditional family pastime. Seeing this on the wall in the admissions office gave me immediate comfort; I knew I was home.

Shiroki describes what she felt set Babson College apart from other schools, such as being surrounded by “sophisticated and mature individuals” and a tight-knit, entrepreneurial environment that would help her reach her career goals.

It is natural for me to be in a small class where more than one language is spoken. I am accustomed to discussions with diverse viewpoints, open minds, and where differences are seen as advantages. I embrace my cultural uniqueness, and I will add my voice to the community. I can’t imagine not continuing this in college.

She notes that as she toured the campus and saw students studying, she could see herself as one of them, feeding off of their studious and entrepreneurial energy. She mentions that Babson’s Foundations of Management and Entrepreneurship class got her attention immediately and she saw it as a launch pad for a future that included running a business.

Babson recognizes the potential of their students, and FME is a great way for young entrepreneurs like me to find our place in the business world and learn from our mistakes. I am capable of this challenge and will conquer it with tenacity. I will bring my dedication, commitment, and innovative skills to Babson College.

Now it’s my turn to pass go and collect my Babson acceptance letter. I’ve found my next challenge.

Babson College offers several tips for what make good essays, including a strong “hook” to engage the reader from the start and a topic that allows you to share something that’s not as obvious on your application.

When it comes to writing a college admissions essay — whether personal or supplemental — experts advise students to follow these rules:

— Find your voice.

— Write about a topic that matters to you.

— Share your personality.

— Express yourself.

— Proofread extensively.

With both traditional essays and supplemental essays, Koh says it’s best to write long and work with someone you trust to edit it down. Teachers, friends and parents can all be helpful proofreaders, but experts note that the student voice should remain intact.

A good editor can help edit a long essay to keep the main message but with fewer words. “If I see 400 words, I know I’m a dozen drafts away from getting it to 650,” he says. “If I see 1200 words, we might just be one or two away. It’s at least going to be a shorter haul.”

Strickler encourages students not to stress too much over the essay or put unnecessary weight on it as part of their college application . While a strong essay helps, he says, it doesn’t make or break an application.

“There’s this sense that you write the most amazing essay and it gets you over the top because it opens the door to the pathway to the Magic Kingdom,” he says. “But it’s just one piece of a myriad of pieces that allow us to get to know a particular student and help us figure out if they’re a good fit and how they’re going to contribute to our community.”

Searching for a college? Get our complete rankings of Best Colleges.

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College Essays That Worked: See Examples originally appeared on usnews.com

Update 07/14/23: This story was published at an earlier date and has been updated with new information.

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Babson College Undergraduate College Application Essays

These Babson College college application essays were written by students accepted at Babson College. All of our sample college essays include the question prompt and the year written. Please use these sample admission essays responsibly.

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College Application Essays accepted by Babson College

Roommate letter anonymous, babson college.

I look forward to meeting you and starting our experience together at Babson. Since I am fairly certain you know nothing about me here is a little background. I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago. From a young age I have had an interest in...

David Wolkoff's eBay Store David Wolkoff

When I was fifteen I borrowed $200 from my father, bought a broken Sidekick phone on eBay, watched YouTube videos to learn how to repair it, and re-sold it for an $80 profit. That was the start of David Wolkoff’s Store, an eBay business, which has...

Summer Business Jake Nolan

I stepped out of the train. People pushing and shoving, back and forth, loud noises echoing down the narrow walls into the abyss. Searching for a way to the street, I too pushed my way through the barrage of people searching for the streets above:...

Common App Essay- Central Story Anonymous

It happened out of sheer stubbornness. Seemingly overnight, I went from being a cross country runner to the girl on crutches. I thought it was just a cramp. All runners have them from time to time, no big deal, right? I stopped running, stretched...

Trail of Breadcrumbs Chandranata Rekso Sosrodjojo

My eyes were greeted by the luminous glow of fluorescent lights and sterile white walls of Rumah Sakit Bunda (Bunda Hospital). This was a stark contrast to the escalating chaos and barbarity in the dilapidated Indonesian streets. In due time, the...

Pitching a Venture Anonymous

He had a complete poker face when I asked for $250,000. This man was on the panel of investors to whom I presented my entrepreneurial venture as part of a scenario analysis project during The Fullbridge Program , a rigorous business boot camp for...

Looking Down Anonymous

Above the clouds, on the peak of the mountain, I stand, overlooking the vast silhouette of slopes and trees, contemplating the infinite possibilities of routes to take.

I watch other skiers play “follow the leader” down the groomed trails,...

Containing Multitudes Serina Lee

A scrawny boy in beat-up velcro sneakers ran past. Our tour guide Mohammed sighed heavily, “Angel Park is probably the only place where a young boy could be young. Outside, he's probably the head of the family, working three jobs to secure meals...

Familiarity Anonymous

“Entonces, Max, ¿dime porque has venido a España?”

I stared blankly at my host Dad while trying to catch a glimpse of how large his moustache really was, as he glanced over his shoulder towards me, his car narrowly avoided the oncoming traffic....

My Unconventional Path from China to Babson Qingyang Wang

Raised in China, I did not follow the mold of a “traditional” Chinese girl. I never liked to sit down and practice calligraphy or stand still to play the flute, or be told that I should not major in anything related to business and politics, since...

Never Too Young for Economics Anonymous

The smell of delicious, warm, chocolatey cookies filled the car, and four pairs of hands rushed for the first of these decadent desserts. My family is usually not aggressive, but with cookies around, it’s each person for himself. This memorable...

Jaggery Shyla Singh

The alarm heralding the dawn becomes redundant as a mix of dread and excitement has kept me up all night. It’s 5 am. Today I will compete in my third Junior National Equestrian Championship in Pune at the National Defence Academy.

I’ve determined...

Why am I interested in Babson College Oscar Zhang

Strongly believing profits and social responsibility need not be a zero-sum game, Babson’s curriculum dovetails with my desire to be a social entrepreneur.

In today’s reality, those who want to make a positive difference to our world not only...

Packet of Tissue Anonymous

“You are going to a boarding school in Singapore,” said my parents one day.

The decision to send me off to boarding school came as a surprise for my family’s acquaintances. It came as a shock to me --- especially since I did not even know what the...

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Why Babson College? Because you have big ideas and big dreams.

At Babson, we teach you how to find the opportunity in every challenge and then how to turn those ideas into real, valuable actions. We want you to go from today’s learners into tomorrow’s leaders—specifically entrepreneurial leaders who can navigate risk and uncertainty with agility and skill.

So why join us at one of the best undergraduate business schools ?

We teach you to solve problems, we provide the tools to become a change-maker, we mix the theoretical with the practical, our community succeeds together, you graduate with real business experience, a babson degree gets you to your next step, #10 college in america.

– The Wall Street Journal , 2023

#1 for Entrepreneurship

– U.S. News & World Report , 27 consecutive times

#1 for Career Preparedness

– The Wall Street Journal, 2023

#1 Private Business School for Salary Potential

– PayScale , 2021

Best College for Business Majors

– Money , 2022

A Top Business School In More Than One Way  

Check out all the Babson College rankings and accolades .

Let’s dive into the reasons.

As you grow into an entrepreneurial leader at Babson, you’ll challenge yourself (and the world), make lifelong friends, create a network of professional connections, and have a lot of fun.

As the longstanding leader in the field and a top business school that's  consistently ranked as one of the best business schools for undergraduates , we revolutionized entrepreneurs hip undergraduate education over half a decade ago. Our approach continues to grow as we teach entrepreneurial leadership , a skill set and mindset anyone can learn and implement.  

Entrepreneurial leadership is people first, with an emphasis on experimentation and providing real social value, setting you up for sustainable success. Entrepreneurial leaders evaluate the impact their actions have on their lives, their communities, and the greater world, and then act, constantly learning and reacting throughout the process. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to it either, as Babson students and alums tackle challenges ranging from the role of technology in society to climate change to supply chain issues to healthcare access. 

Entrepreneurial Thought & Action ® (ET&A™), our signature methodology, is found in everything we do at Babson and in our undergraduate program. It’s a skill set and mindset combination that’s exclusive to our curriculum. It allows you to analyze any situation and find creative, practical solutions through experimentation and thoughtful action.

Our students have the experience to turn challenges into economic and social opportunities with confidence. You manage risk, make strategic decisions, and provide value for society, yourself, and your larger community. You leave Babson as an assured, knowledgeable entrepreneurial leader , someone who not only wants to influence change but has the toolbox to enact it.

A Babson undergraduate degree comes with a healthy focus on the liberal arts and sciences—and that sets us apart as a top undergraduate business school . You take courses to not only build out your fundamental business knowledge but to develop the critical thinking and communication skills the professional world demands. When you graduate from our undergraduate programs , you have the tools to determine the impact technology, individuals, and businesses can have on society and the planet, as well as the drive to make concrete changes that better our world.  

Sustainability sits at the forefront of our undergraduate business program curriculum , too. In your second or third year, you will take Socio-Ecological Systems (a required undergraduate course), which dives into the role humans play in causing and fighting climate change and explores possible solutions to this growing crisis. The class is taught by a natural scientist and a social scientist, emphasizing how society and nature are interconnected and how we can use systems thinking to address issues regarding water, natural disasters, food systems, and urban development.  

Entrepreneurship provides a tinge of optimism by giving us the ability to be proactive instead of reactive and to create long-term solutions before long-term damage becomes irreparable.

How you live, who you love, where you’ve come from, what you strive for—these are all things to live out loud here. With students from over 35 states and over 40 countries, our student population is diverse, and we are learning and working every day to build a campus that is equitable, inclusive, and accountable to everyone we serve.

Our goal is for our entire community to prosper together. Whether you’re joining us from New England or are hopping on a plane, our close-knit, picturesque campus can’t wait to meet you.

You read that correctly. In Foundations of Management and Entrepreneurship (or FME, as our students call it), you turn an idea into a tangible venture—all while learning what actually makes a business work. Business by doing business, and that’s just in your first year of your un derg raduate education . It’s hands-on learning for a hands-on life.  

And that’s not all, as you’ll have opportunities for hands-on experience and experiential learning during your entire time at Babson, through classwork, internships , job shadows, tactical learning, extracurriculars, and campus partnerships. In your fourth year, you will even tackle a company or nonprofit’s actual business challenge IRL as part of your studies. It’s an educational philosophy that makes us one of the top business school undergraduate programs.

FME isn’t just about creating a business. It’s about creating positive change. Professors don’t just talk about whether an idea is feasible, they talk about how you are giving back. They don’t just want to create entrepreneurs, they want to create business leaders who will impact the world.

A Babson undergraduate degree gets you to your next step

Through our hands-on learning courses , experiential learning opportunities , undergraduate education , and career resources, you discover w here your passions lie. We have experienced faculty. Small classes. Real-world applications. A dedicated staff. A n expansi ve alumni network. A global population (192 countries represented and counting). And over more than 20 concentrations , focused on a different area of business.

Future accountants, government workers, financial advisors, sustainability advocates, teachers, product managers, marketers, and supply chain experts (and more!) all have a place here in our undergraduate business program .  

Our Recipe for Success

Student-to-faculty ratio

of classes are taught by professors

of students in the class of 2023 had at least one internship while at Babson

of students in the class of 2023 were employed, continuing education, or involved in volunteer, military, or service programs within six months of graduation*

*Based on responses from the class of 2023, with a knowledge rate of 83%

Did we mention our students have a lot of fun?

A new adventure awaits you. Come cheer on (or play for!) one of our over 40 athletic teams. Take part in our thriving arts community. Grab a late dinner at Trim or a before-class coffee at the campus Dunkin. Start planning your study-abroad experience. Build your own prototype at the Foundry.

Over 100 clubs and organizations means you’ll find your place and your people.

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College Supplemental Essays That Worked: Tips & Inspiration

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As summer winds down, it’s time to start thinking about supplemental essays as well! How do they fit into your college application?

College supplemental essays are what makes the application process so challenging. With students applying to 5-8 schools and each school requiring 2-3 additional writing supplements, students are looking at writing 25 essays (including the personal statement!) in 4 months time.

That doesn’t end up being a lot of time, especially given the effort that goes into  brainstorming, writing and editing each essay.

While it’s tempting, students shouldn’t reuse application essays. Most supplemental essays prompts are tailored to the university and reflects what the university is looking for in their student body. Thus, you should also tailor your response to the schools you’re applying to in order to demonstrate good fit.

Supplemental essays may initially seem tedious, but they offer applicants a great opportunity to share more about themselves. You can elaborate on your extracurriculars, your interest in a specific major, your cultural background, or just something unique about yourself that’s not represented in your academics or resume.

Here are 5 supplemental essay writing tips to help you make the most out of them and craft a winning application:

Supplemental Essay Tip 1: Bigger Picture

View your application holistically. Don’t just focus on your personal statement or your supplemental essays, or even your SAT/ACT score as individual components of your application. If they are reviewed by the admissions office altogether, you should aim to do the same. Think of the bigger picture.

Why is this important? To make sure you’ve highlighted everything you want to about yourself in your application. Think strategically about your grades, test scores, classes you took, extracurriculars and recommendation letters—what will each of these components highlight about you? These are things that reflect your high school career that you can no longer change. So consider these anchoring points that you can build off of. 

Is there a particular passion of yours that isn’t readily apparent from reviewing other parts of your application?  Maybe you want to devote more room to discussing a specific major you want to pursue. Or perhaps it’s an extracurricular you dedicated 4 years too that didn’t get much airtime in your personal statement. While your personal statement should highlight the most integral part of your identity, your supplements are a great place to elaborate on aspects of your candidacy that more fully develop you as an applicant. Remember to tie your essays back to why you’re a good fit for the schools you’re applying to.

Read more: UChicago Supplemental Essay Prompts 2018-2019

Supplemental Essay Tip 2: Do Your Research

Supplemental essay prompts are developed by the university’s admissions office, and are often inspired by past successful applicants. You can tell a lot about a university based on their supplemental essay prompts and what they want to know more about from their applicants. In order to respond accordingly, it’s important you do your research.

Research comes in many different ways. You can explore and read the university website or blog, follow them on social media channels, reach out to professors or current students, or visit campus. The point is to learn as much as you can about the school you’re applying to. More than being able to respond to the essay prompts, it’s crucial to make sure you’re applying to the right school for you. Consider incorporating details from the information session or the overnight stay that highlight aspects of the school that appeal to you. It’s also an opportunity to discuss a fact that may be lesser known or speak to an experience that’s personal to you; the more specific you can be about your interest in the school, the better.

Supplemental Essay Tip 3: Know Your Essay Prompts

Universities that require additional supplemental essays usually come in 4 categories of prompts. They will either ask you to respond to one of these prompts, or a combination of the following:

1. ‘Why Us’ School Specific Supplement

This is probably the most common supplemental essay question that is required. With increasing applications every year, universities want to be able to set applicants apart based on why they want to attend their institution. Do applicants really understand what the university stands for? Do they know what the campus culture is like and would they be a good fit? And finally, if accepted, how would they contribute to university’s community?

This is where your research is important. Based on your understanding of the university, respond in relation to your own strengths. This then ties back to thinking about the bigger picture. Is there a quality that makes the university a great fit for you and vice versa? Or a specific major you’re interested in that would be best studied at this institution? This is how all these different elements come together!

Big universities with many different undergraduate schools and colleges will typically offer this as their only additional supplement. If you need help on this particular supplemental essay, here are some tips and examples for the Why NYU supplemental essay  and the Why Cornell supplemental essay . 

2. Extracurricular Supplement

Some universities will ask you to elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. This is a great opportunity for you to share more about your extracurricular resume, especially if you haven’t been able to highlight too much of it in your personal statement. If you come across this supplement, choose the extracurricular that was most important to you, or perhaps the one you’d like to continue to pursue in college.

Admissions offices ask for this supplement to see how you’ve engaged in your community, what you enjoy doing outside of the classroom, and what you’ve learned by participating in it. College isn’t just about going to class, so they want to see how else you’d potentially engage with the rest of the student body if given the opportunity.

This supplement is often disguised as a community question. For example, how have you contributed to your community and what would you contribute to our community? Schools like MIT  and Princeton  both ask for this supplement.

3. Unique Question Supplement

This supplement is usually the one that stumps most applicants. Universities will offer multiple thought provoking essay prompts for applicants to respond to. While it gives students a lot of freedom to be creative and share something different about themselves, it also takes up a lot of time when they are brainstorming and responding to this prompt.

The most stressful part of the process is just breaking down the essay prompts to figure out what they are really trying to ask you. Take Boston College’s supplemental essay prompts  for example. All the prompts are 2-3 sentences long and cover a lot ground. Follow our blog to get the breakdown of all the different supplemental essay prompts. It’ll make it easier for you to choose which one to respond to, and what to write about.

Finally, don’t forget to think about the bigger picture. Go back to the qualities you want to show off with your application and see if there is an essay prompt that gives you the opportunity to do that.

4. Short Questions

Last but not least, there are the short questions. A few universities will have a few questions for you to list out your favorite film, book, website, role model, and so on. This is another way for the admissions office to learn more about you as an individual. Don’t agonize over these short questions and waste too much time on them. Just be genuine about who you are and let your voice come through in how you answer these (meaning word choice and tone). It’ll read authentically to the admissions officer if you do. 

Supplemental Essay Tip 4: Be Genuine

If there’s one advice that is constantly reiterated by people in the college admissions field, it’s this: “Be Genuine.” It seems intuitive, but it is a hard to do when you are trying to appeal to these selective universities to choose you over thousands of other applicants. It goes without saying that you certainly should not lie about anything in your application, and also be careful you’re not exaggerating any of your achievements. When applicants try to make certain activities sound more impressive than they are, this often backfires. Same goes for trying to sound too mature or intellectual; if your essay doesn’t sound like your writing, it’s easy to spot (admissions officers have been doing this a long time!). Give the admissions officers a chance to know the real you, and they, too, will give you a chance at their university.

Read more: UNC Chapel Hill 2018-2019 Essay Prompts

Supplemental Essay Tip 5: Pay Attention to Detail & Plan Ahead

At best, you won’t have any supplemental essays to write (woohoo!). At worst, you’ll have 24 additional writing requirements. So, finalize your school list and create a list of supplemental essay prompts you have to respond to. You don’t want to find out late in the game you’ve missed a prompt for one of your schools, and have to scramble last minute.

One more time: think about the bigger picture. Consider all  the major themes you want to convey with your essays, then attribute them accordingly to each essay prompt. Look at your application as whole and strategize what you should emphasize in what essay. It’ll be helpful to plan ahead, so it doesn’t feel like you’re starting fresh every time you begin a new supplemental essay—you have a plan.

Don’t slack off just because these are “supplemental” essays. They should receive the same kind of attention as your personal statement. Get your friends, family or a trusted teacher to proofread them. Everything you submit with your application should be meaningful and impactful. Make everything count.

If there are any additional supplemental essay prompts you need help breaking down, comment the school name below! For supplemental essay examples, you can now search by supplemental essay topics on our search page. Or, you can check out our curated packages to find what you’re looking! For further access, upgrade to our  premium plans  offer different levels of profile access and data insights that can help you get into your dream school. 

About The Author

Frances was born in Hong Kong and received her bachelor’s degree from Georgetown University. She loves super sad drama television, cooking, and reading. Her favorite person on Earth isn’t actually a member of the AdmitSee team - it’s her dog Cooper.

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Permanent Link: https://blogs.babson.edu/undergraduate/2014/10/24/the-dean-talks-essays/

Undergraduate Blog / Tag: Babson Admission Essays

The Dean Talks Essays

By Courtney Minden | October 24, 2014

Happy Friday! What’s everyone doing this weekend?  Binge watching Homeland? Catching up on sleep? Working on some early applications? I just looked at my calendar and realized that for all of you early applicants out there, this is the last full weekend to work on your applications before next Saturday’s November 1 deadline. (I’m sure…

Tours, Essays and Popsicles

By Courtney Minden | July 19, 2013

You know when coming back from vacation is a great thing? When it’s over 100 degrees outside, and your building has sweet sweet air conditioning and a freezer full of popsicles. If you happen to be on a college tour this week, be really nice to your tour guides-ours have have been cheerfully walking backwards…

Essays That Worked

The essays are a place to show us who you are and who you’ll be in our community.

It’s a chance to add depth to something that is important to you and tell the admissions committee more about your background or goals. Below you’ll find selected examples of essays that “worked,” as nominated by our admissions committee. In each of these essays, students were able to share stories from their everyday lives to reveal something about their character, values, and life that aligned with the culture and values at Hopkins.

Read essays that worked from Transfer applicants .

Hear from the class of 2027.

These selections represent just a few examples of essays we found impressive and helpful during the past admissions cycle. We hope these essays inspire you as you prepare to compose your own personal statements. The most important thing to remember is to be original as you share your own story, thoughts, and ideas with us.

Ordering the Disorderly

Ellie’s essay skillfully uses the topic of entropy as an extended metaphor. Through it, we see reflections about who they are and who they aspire to be.

Pack Light, But Be Prepared

In Pablo’s essay, the act of packing for a pilgrimage becomes a metaphor for the way humans accumulate experiences in their life’s journey and what we can learn from them. As we join Pablo through the diverse phases of their life, we gain insights into their character and values.

Tikkun Olam

Julieta illustrates how the concept of Tikkun Olam, “a desire to help repair the world,” has shaped their passions and drives them to pursue experiences at Hopkins.

Kashvi’s essay encapsulates a heartfelt journey of self-discovery and the invaluable teachings of Rock, their 10-year-old dog. Through the lens of their companionship, Kashvi walked us through valuable lessons on responsibility, friendship, patience, and unconditional love.

Classical Reflections in Herstory

Maddie’s essay details their intellectual journey using their love of Greek classics. They incorporate details that reveal the roots of their academic interests: storytelling, literary devices, and translation. As their essay progresses, so do Maddie’s intellectual curiosities.

My Spotify Playlist

Alyssa’s essay reflects on special memories through the creative lens of Spotify playlists. They use three examples to highlight their experiences with their tennis team, finding a virtual community during the pandemic, and co-founding a nonprofit to help younger students learn about STEM.

More essays that worked

We share essays from previously admitted students—along with feedback from our admissions committee—so you can understand what made them effective and how to start crafting your own.

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3 Strong Boston University Essay Examples

Boston University is a top research university in the heart of the city. With a fairly low acceptance rate, admissions is pretty selective, and writing strong essays is essential to standing out.

BU requires one essay for all applicants, and has an additional information prompt that is optional. Applicants to the Accelerated Program in Liberal Arts and Medicine have another essay, and Honors College applicants have two additional essays.

In this post, we’ll then go over example essays from a real applicants, analyzing what they did well, and what could be improved.

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Read our BU essay breakdown to get a comprehensive overview of this year’s supplemental prompts. 

Essay Example #1

Prompt: What about being a student at Boston University most excites you? (250 words)

I am most excited by Boston University’s Societal Engineer vision. As an aspiring engineer with a strong interest in government, I love that BU encourages engineering majors to strengthen their communication skills and global awareness. 

Academically speaking, I would explore political science courses through BU Hub requirements like Historical Consciousness and Ethical Reasoning. In addition, I would explore the world through the semester-abroad programs offered by BU for engineering majors. If admitted, I would love to study in Grenoble (and brush up on my French!) as a sophomore.

Beyond academics, BU’s student groups also align with the Social Engineer vision. BU’s Engineers Without Borders mission spans both engineering and communication, as their project in Zambia involved both in developing sanitation systems and presenting posters on these systems to the community. Given my strong desire to help others through engineering, I would devote my time and energy to EWB’s projects at BU. 

I am also intrigued by BU’s political student groups, and I appreciate that BU’s student government offers students from all colleges leadership as Senators. I work closely with my high school’s administration as the vice president of our honor society and the overseer of student elections, and I would enjoy doing something similar at BU.

At BU, I can see myself tinkering with Autodesk Inventor late into the night and petitioning legislatures to fix gerrymandered districts. Because BU’s Societal Engineer vision would encourage both my STEM and humanities interests, I am very excited about being a student at BU. 

What the Essay Did Well

This essay is a strong response that adequately conveys what the student hopes to obtain from an education from Boston University. The applicant begins with a straightforward statement that expresses their interests in engineering and government.

Establishing this cross-disciplinary interest immediately sets the candidate apart from other engineering majors and makes their response more unique. By mentioning the intersection of engineering and government, the candidate hits upon a rare niche that demonstrates a willingness to bridge two seemingly disparate subjects. 

The student also mentions a study abroad opportunity specific for those within their major. They mention a specific study abroad destination, which further underscores their interest in this offering. The inclusion about brushing up on their French establishes a personal connection to their location choice, which also strengthens this portion of the response.

Next, the applicant discusses BU’s relevant extracurricular opportunities:

This inclusion is a good example of taking a BU-specific offering and expanding on what specific project the author intends to work on. They do a good job of connecting an engineering-related club to their humanities-related passions. 

The applicant then concludes with the following: 

These final sentences do a nice job of wrapping up the response in a way that allows the essay to flow smoothly until the end. The mentions of Autodesk Inventor and petitions provide readers with specific details that corroborate the points made earlier in the response. The applicant ends with a forward-facing sentence that solidifies their desire to attend BU. Similarly, you should aim to wrap up your response with a final statement that encapsulates your essay thus far and also points ahead to your future at the university.

What Could Be Improved

This essay could be strengthened in that the candidate does not necessarily establish a personal connection to BU’s Societal Engineer vision. To improve this, they could briefly elaborate on what drew them to this academic intersection. Perhaps volunteering at a homeless shelter opened their eyes to housing inequalities, which stem from issues with both finding cheap building materials and their city’s budget. Or, perhaps their interest in creating sustainable plastic substitutes drew them to explore both materials engineering and environmental policy. This personal connection would strengthen the overall authenticity of this essay and provide a flow for admissions officers to follow. 

The next portion of this response could also be improved. It centers on BU’s academic opportunities:

The applicant demonstrates that they have researched their major and mention a specific requirement. This is a good start; however, they should elaborate more on why they chose to mention this specific category. They can talk about how they hope to learn more about specific courses within this category. 

For instance, maybe they want to learn about security in America to inform their sense of national politics, or delve into the representation of the Holocaust in film, as they feel current policies on religious diversity should consider this topic. This further elaboration will round out this portion of the response rather than leaving it underdeveloped.

Essay Example #2

Prompt: What about the Kilachand Honors College resonates with you, and how would Kilachand’s curriculum fulfill your academic, creative, intellectual, and/or professional goals? (600 words)

I am an example of societal rejection. My lack of adherence to gender constructs breaks traditional expectations as my queerness takes over any sense of “normality” that society could see in me. As a queer, nonbinary person of color and an Indian immigrant, I’ve moved away from expectations that demand a definition of my characteristics and have begun to explore who I am on a profound level. It’s this concept of exploration that I aspire to integrate into my education so that I can learn more about others and understand the incomprehensible by any means, whether it be through interacting with different aspects of humanity, connecting with new communities, or increasing my knowledge on a topic. 

I’ve found this same ring of curiosity and educational passion that distinguishes Kilachand Honors College and have come to resonate with it, whether it be through the different community based circle meetings, the dissimilar seminars focused on developing critical and creative thinking, or the focus on experiential learning. However, Kilachand takes this interest for learning one step further, adding another dimension to the challenging liberal education through building on layers of global, social, corporate, and geopolitical challenges within the classes. This interdisciplinary aspect of the Kilachand curriculum provides me with the chance to understand issues from different perspectives, which I’d take advantage of to fulfill my professional goal of directing a human rights campaign. 

Specific classes like KHC HC 401: Epistemologies and the Process of Inquiry and KHC HC 301: Interdisciplinary Perspectives on Global Challenges offer new intellectual opportunities I have been seeking while also supporting me in utilizing my education in a way that benefits my community. The emphasis placed on exploring the real life impact of students’ work in Kilachand’s integrated curriculum is empowering and would help me use education as a tool to build on my global perspective and make a meaningful difference.

It is my goal to learn more about the unfamiliar so that I can apply that knowledge to “unsolvable global issues” that are only labeled as such because of a cultural disconnect or societal difference. Kilachand supports this goal through offering co-curricular events and residencies where I can connect with other cultures through visiting different cultural institutions or having enlightening discussions with leading professionals. I am inspired by the passion behind the Kilachand community; events such as the POC and LGBTQIA+ Circle meetings are features of the Kilachand community that I hope to contribute to and learn from. By learning about others’ experiences and sharing my own, I aspire to be a part of the intellectual curiosity that is shared among Kilachand students.

The copious academic, cultural, and social opportunities at Kilchand all connect back to the same pillar of change that I have continuously been drawn to. Even though my interests are diverse and follow multiple tracks, the diversity of opportunities at Kilchand resonate with my varied passions and offer an accepting community connected through curiosity, which I hope to contribute to. 

The essay starts out with a bold, unexpected first sentence that hooks the audience into continuing to read the essay. This well-crafted writing seamlessly leads into an introduction about the writer, their values, and what they are looking for in a college education. The following paragraphs show how the Kilachand Honors College is an ideal fit for them.

The key to writing any “Why This College?” essay is to highlight specific resources that the college offers. This essay does that well by mentioning a wide range of BU resources by name, including classes, the integrated curriculum, the interdisciplinary educational philosophy, and extracurricular activities. By directly stating that they want to take “specific classes like KHC HC 401: Epistemologies and the Process of Inquiry,” the writer shows that they have done thorough research into the Honors College. More than anything else, evidence of this research demonstrates interest in the offerings of the Honors College and a strong “why” for applying.

The writer has not created a laundry list of resources with their essay either. They show that they have a personal interest in each resource by using “I” statements and explaining their ideas for making the most of the Honors College in the future. Instead of simply stating “I am looking forward to joining clubs related to social justice at BU,” the writer presents a much clearer and more confident vision for their academic future with the phrase “…events such as the POC and LGBTQIA+ Circle meetings are features of the Kilachand community that I hope to contribute to and learn from.”

Though the essay is highly specific with the resources it mentions in most parts, several sentences in the second paragraph could be strengthened:

However, Kilachand takes this interest for learning one step further, adding another dimension to the challenging liberal education through building on layers of global, social, corporate, and geopolitical challenges within the classes. This interdisciplinary aspect of the Kilachand curriculum provides me with the chance to understand issues from different perspectives…

Many other colleges offer an interdisciplinary curriculum, so the writer should write additional details here about Kilachand’s “interdisciplinary aspect.” They should ask themselves, is there a specific university value which encourages professors to tie many academic disciplines together in the classroom? Does BU require Kilachand students to take an honors core curriculum that covers many areas? Answering these questions would add the right level of specificity to the writer’s point about Kilachand’s educational philosophy. 

The essay would also be stronger if the writer explained exactly how Kilachand fosters curiosity. If curiosity were a core value of the Honors College, the writer could clarify by changing part of the essay’s last sentence to “an accepting community connected through the value of curiosity.”

Essay Example #3

Prompt: Describe a time when you felt out of your comfort zone or marginalized in a situation. How did you respond to that moment and how has it informed your actions moving forward? (600 words)

“The last 10% is 90% of the work.”

It was written on a small, ripped-off piece of yellow legal paper in fading blue ink. And now, it still sits in my desk drawer, four years after it was given to me by my band director, Mr. Laghari. It was one day in ninth grade, about two weeks before I was to perform my very first audition, that Mr. Laghari strolled over to where I was sitting.

“Alright Kat, let’s hear this district piece!”

What followed, looking back, was absolutely the most mediocre performance you’ve ever heard.

“Well done! I have a few comments for you though. Mainly, it seems like you have the notes and rhythms down, but you gotta add some musicality!”

I had no clue what he was talking about; it showed in my face.

“Expression! Dynamics! You know!”

But I didn’t.

“Oh come on! It’s the last part, right before the audition, the hardest part. You know, my high school band director once told me…”

He took out his yellow legal pad and began writing.

“The. Last. Ten. Percent. Is. Ninety. Percent. Of. The. Work.”

He ripped it off, and gave it to me. And I took it to heart. I looked up musicality, expression, dynamics, and worked to map out phrases in the music. I recorded myself to see what I could add to make it musical .

When the audition came around, I was ready. When they called euphoniums, I enthusiastically left my school’s group and walked with the rest of the auditionees to the holding room. But it was a long walk. Not only did I start to miss the safety of my school group, I started to get in my own head. What if I put in all my hard work for nothing? What would people think? My parents? Mr. Laghari? In the holding room, I squirmed in my seat, waiting for my name to get called. The clock on the wall ticked and ticked, my anxiety building all the while. Finally, my name was called, second-to-last, and as I followed the volunteer to the audition room, I suddenly remembered Mr. Laghari’s slip of paper. I just needed to give my ninety percent. I focused myself, and did just that.

So it came as a surprise to me when Mr. Laghari told me that I placed seventh, and they took the top six players, on the bus ride home. Not only was I surprised, I was crushed. “We’ll get ‘em next year!” he said. But all I heard was “You didn’t make it this year.” It was a bitter trip.

It took me about a week to realize what he said, and that I would crush it next year. I told myself it wasn’t a matter of auditioning to see if I could make it. I told myself auditioning was a formality. And as I looked at the blue ink on that slip of paper, with all of those crushing memories now attached, I told myself that I would give my ninety percent not just on the last ten percent of the work, but on all of it: every year. And with that mindset, I’ve not only placed first in All-Districts on trombone and euphonium, but have made it all the way to All-State. 

So, whenever I need inspiration for a project, motivation to finish my homework, determination not to give up, I just open up my desk drawer. And one day in the near future, when I move off to Boston University, that slip of paper is what I’ll be taking with me.

This essay is a moving example of how to tell a story with dialogue. Beginning the essay with dialogue is unexpected, which automatically makes for a gripping hook. At the same time, dialogue is an excellent way to organize the essay and convey main ideas in a succinct, yet creative way. The one-sentence introduction of the essay summarizes its entire message more effectively than a paragraph.

The writer then shows how they felt out of their comfort zone and responded by focusing on several specific moments of their journey to become a better musician. Writing about a few parts of a story with vivid detail will result in stronger narrative than a more general, big picture account. 

Lastly, the essay is cohesive and moving because of its motif, or recurring theme, of Mr. Laghari’s slip of paper. This one detail ties the whole essay together from start to finish. The motif makes the essay flow well and stay on topic, which are among the greatest challenges for any college essay writer. Of course, the motif makes for an awe-inspiring concluding sentence as well!

The writer could strengthen their essay by responding further to the last question of the prompt about how their moment of discomfort informed their actions moving forward. The writer certainly touches on this, but only talks about working harder as a musician and high school student. Adding a few more sentences to the second-to-last paragraph about their plans for the far future would answer the prompt more completely. For example, they could expand the final sentence of that paragraph to the following:

And with that mindset, I’ve not only placed first in All-Districts on trombone and euphonium, but have made it all the way to All-State. I’m now inspired to put 100% into my dream of becoming a professional musician in a philharmonic orchestra.

Where to Get Your BU Essays Edited

Do you want feedback on your BU essays? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. In fact,  Alexander Oddo , an essay expert on CollegeVine, provided commentary on the essays in this post. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

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Perspective

When pto stands for 'pretend time off': doctors struggle to take real breaks.

Mara Gordon

A survey shows that doctors have trouble taking full vacations from their high-stress jobs. Even when they do, they often still do work on their time off. Wolfgang Kaehler/LightRocket via Getty Images hide caption

A survey shows that doctors have trouble taking full vacations from their high-stress jobs. Even when they do, they often still do work on their time off.

A few weeks ago, I took a vacation with my family. We went hiking in the national parks of southern Utah, and I was blissfully disconnected from work.

I'm a family physician, so taking a break from my job meant not seeing patients. It also meant not responding to patients' messages or checking my work email. For a full week, I was free.

Taking a real break — with no sneaky computer time to bang out a few prescription refill requests — left me feeling reenergized and ready to take care of my patients when I returned.

But apparently, being a doctor who doesn't work on vacation puts me squarely in the minority of U.S. physicians.

Research published in JAMA Network Open this year set out to quantify exactly how doctors use their vacation time — and what the implications might be for a health care workforce plagued by burnout, dissatisfaction and doctors who are thinking about leaving medicine.

"There is a strong business case for supporting taking real vacation," says Dr. Christine Sinsky , the lead author of the paper. "Burnout is incredibly expensive for organizations."

Shots - Health News

Health workers know what good care is. pandemic burnout is getting in the way.

Researchers surveyed 3,024 doctors, part of an American Medical Association cohort designed to represent the American physician workforce. They found that 59.6% of American physicians took 15 days of vacation or less per year. That's a little more than the average American: Most workers who have been at a job for a year or more get between 10 and 14 days of paid vacation time , according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.

However, most doctors don't take real vacation. Over 70% of doctors surveyed said they worked on a typical vacation day.

"I have heard physicians refer to PTO as 'pretend time off,'" Sinsky says, referring to the acronym for "paid time off."

Sinsky and co-authors found that physicians who took more than three weeks of vacation a year had lower rates of burnout than those who took less, since vacation time is linked to well-being and job satisfaction .

And all those doctors toiling away on vacation, sitting poolside with their laptops? Sinsky argues it has serious consequences for health care.

Physician burnout is linked to high job turnover and excess health care costs , among other problems.

Still, it can be hard to change the culture of workaholism in medicine. Even the study authors confessed that they, too, worked on vacation.

"I remember when one of our first well-being papers was published," says Dr. Colin West , a co-author of the new study and a health care workforce researcher at the Mayo Clinic. "I responded to the revisions up at the family cabin in northern Minnesota on vacation."

Sinsky agreed. "I do not take all my vacation, which I recognize as a delicious irony of the whole thing," she says.

She's the American Medical Association's vice president of professional satisfaction. If she can't take a real vacation, is there any hope for the rest of us?

I interviewed a half dozen fellow physicians and chatted off the record with many friends and colleagues to get a sense of why it feels so hard to give ourselves a break. Here, I offer a few theories about why doctors are so terrible at taking time off.

We don't want to make more work for our colleagues

The authors of the study in JAMA Network Open didn't explore exactly what type of work doctors did on vacation, but the physicians I spoke to had some ideas.

"If I am not doing anything, I will triage my email a little bit," says Jocelyn Fitzgerald , a urogynecologist at the University of Pittsburgh who was not involved in the study. "I also find that certain high-priority virtual meetings sometimes find their way into my vacations."

Even if doctors aren't scheduled to see patients, there's almost always plenty of work to be done: dealing with emergencies, medication refills, paperwork. For many of us, the electronic medical record (EMR) is an unrelenting taskmaster , delivering a near-constant flow of bureaucratic to-dos.

When I go on vacation, my fellow primary care doctors handle that work for me, and I do the same for them.

But it can sometimes feel like a lot to ask, especially when colleagues are doing that work on top of their normal workload.

"You end up putting people in kind of a sticky situation, asking for favors, and they [feel they] need to pay it back," says Jay-Sheree Allen , a family physician and fellow in preventive medicine at the Mayo Clinic.

She says her practice has a "doctor of the day" who covers all urgent calls and messages, which helps reduce some of the guilt she feels about taking time off.

Still, non-urgent tasks are left for her to complete when she gets back. She says she usually logs in to the EMR when she's on vacation so the tasks don't pile up upon her return. If she doesn't, Allen estimates there will be about eight hours of paperwork awaiting her after a week or so of vacation.

"My strategy, I absolutely do not recommend," Allen says. But "I would prefer that than coming back to the total storm."

We have too little flexibility about when we take vacation

Lawren Wooten , a resident physician in pediatrics at the University of California San Francisco, says she takes 100% of her vacation time. But there are a lot of stipulations about exactly how she uses it.

She has to take it in two-week blocks — "that's a long time at once," she says — and it's hard to change the schedule once her chief residents assign her dates.

"Sometimes I wish I had vacation in the middle of two really emotionally challenging rotations like an ICU rotation and an oncology rotation," she says, referring to the intensive care unit. "We don't really get to control our schedules at this point in our careers."

Once Wooten finishes residency and becomes an attending physician, it's likely she'll have more autonomy over her vacation time — but not necessarily all that much more.

"We generally have to know when our vacations are far in advance because patients schedule with us far in advance," says Fitzgerald, the gynecologist.

Taking vacation means giving up potential pay

Many physicians are paid based on the number of patients they see or procedures they complete. If they take time off work, they make less money.

"Vacation is money off your table," says West, the physician well-being researcher. "People have a hard time stepping off of the treadmill."

A 2022 research brief from the American Medical Association estimated that over 55% of U.S. physicians were paid at least in part based on "productivity," as opposed to earning a flat amount regardless of patient volume. That means the more patients doctors cram into their schedules, the more money they make. Going on vacation could decrease their take-home pay.

But West says it's important to weigh the financial benefits of skipping vacation against the risk of burnout from working too much.

Physician burnout is linked not only to excess health care costs but also to higher rates of medical errors. In one large survey of American surgeons , for example, surgeons experiencing burnout were more likely to report being involved in a major medical error. (It's unclear to what extent the burnout caused the errors or the errors caused the burnout, however.)

Doctors think they're the only one who can do their jobs

When I go on vacation, my colleagues see my patients for me. I work in a small office, so I know the other doctors well and I trust that my patients are in good hands when I'm away.

Doctors have their own diagnosis: 'Moral distress' from an inhumane health system

But ceding that control to colleagues might be difficult for some doctors, especially when it comes to challenging patients or big research projects.

"I think we need to learn to be better at trusting our colleagues," says Adi Shah , an infectious disease doctor at the Mayo Clinic. "You don't have to micromanage every slide on the PowerPoint — it's OK."

West, the well-being researcher, says health care is moving toward a team-based model and away from a culture where an individual doctor is responsible for everything. Still, he adds, it can be hard for some doctors to accept help.

"You can be a neurosurgeon, you're supposed to go on vacation tomorrow and you operate on a patient. And there are complications or risk of complications, and you're the one who has the relationship with that family," West says. "It is really, really hard for us to say ... 'You're in great hands with the rest of my team.'"

What doctors need, says West, is "a little bit less of the God complex."

We don't have any interests other than medicine

Shah, the infectious disease doctor, frequently posts tongue-in-cheek memes on X (formerly known as Twitter) about the culture of medicine. Unplugging during vacation is one of his favorite topics, despite his struggles to follow his own advice.

His recommendation to doctors is to get a hobby, so we can find something better to do than work all the time.

"Stop taking yourself too seriously," he says. Shah argues that medical training is so busy that many physicians neglect to develop any interests other than medicine. When fully trained doctors are finally finished with their education, he says, they're at a loss for what to do with their newfound freedom.

Since completing his training a few years ago, Shah has committed himself to new hobbies, such as salsa dancing. He has plans to go to a kite festival next year.

Shah has also prioritized making the long trip from Minnesota to see his family in India at least twice a year — a journey that requires significant time off work. He has a trip there planned this month.

"This is the first time in 11 years I'm making it to India in summer so that I can have a mango in May," the peak season for the fruit, Shah says.

Wooten, the pediatrician, agrees. She works hard to develop a full life outside her career.

"Throughout our secondary and medical education, I believe we've really been indoctrinated into putting institutions above ourselves," Wooten adds. "It takes work to overcome that."

Mara Gordon is a family physician in Camden, N.J., and a contributor to NPR. She's on X as @MaraGordonMD .

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