essay about a friend who betrayed you

Essay About Betrayal Of A Trusted Friend

Essay example on narrative about friend betrayal.

As a child growing up friends are everything. Your best friend is the one you share all your secrets with and trust them not to tell anyone. They are the one who knows everything about you and stands by your side through everything. For some, best friends may change frequently, but that wasn’t the case of Michelle and l. That was the type of friend Michelle was. We had been friends since the first grade and shared everything.

We never kept secrets from one another and more importantly, we never shared those secrets with anyone else. Well at least I didn’t. One fall I learned many important lessons in life.

The most important one was not to trust people. Sounds cynical I know, but I don’t know any other way to put it. I was 12 years old and trust had never been an issue for me, but that year brought on many changes.

On a beautiful Saturday afternoon my whole outlook on life changed. On a day that seemed like so many before, my brother-in-law raped me. Dealing with that was more than I knew how to handle. The betrayal of the one person I thought I could trust only added to the pain. A few weeks passed before I could even bring myself to tell Michelle. He had made me feel like it was my fault, that I had done something to deserve it.

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He has also convinced me that if my sister found out it would cause her to lose the baby she was carrying. At that time I really didn’t know any better so I believed him. Finally I realized I had to tell someone and of course Michelle was who I turned to. I explained what happened, how it made me feel, how it made me view things. Never in my life did I think she would tell anyone. Once again I was wrong, within three days it seemed the whole school knew. To make matters worse Michelle told people that it had been my fault. That it wasn’t rape at all, that I had agreed to it. Even worse she told them I was pregnant by him.

I couldn’t understand how she could do something like that to me. Here I was trying to cope with what had been done to me physically and she betrayed me in a way that I couldn’t even begin to understand. Granted, in time the talk moved on to something else as it always does in schools, and they all realized that I wasn’t pregnant. Still, the damage to me was already done. I learned the hard way the need to be careful who you trust. It is something that was remained with me to this day. After being betrayed by my best friend, it became nearly impossible to trust anyone. Betrayed by my best friend By eschewing 123

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If You Were Betrayed By A Friend, Here Is What You Should Do

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Betrayal is never pretty.

The focus tends to be on betrayal in romantic relationships, but the reality is that a betrayal by a close friend can be just as upsetting.

If this has happened to you, it’s not necessarily going to be an easy thing to get over.

If you decide that your friendship has come to an end, it’ll take you a while to adjust to life without them in it.

But if you want to keep this friend in your life, you’ll need to face up to what’s happened and work through your feelings before you can start to repair the relationship and move forwards.

Here are the steps you should take either way.

What To Do When A Friend Betrays You

1. accept that being betrayed by a friend is deeply hurtful..

If you find that you’ve been betrayed by a friend, it’s completely normal to be devastated by it.

Some people try to fight these feelings, not understanding why a friend could have such power over them, and why a betrayal on the part of the friend can rock their world so.

That’s largely down to the fact that we tend to place far more value on romantic and even familial relationships in our society and often ignore the power of friendships.

But if we’re honest with ourselves about our feelings, we start to appreciate just how important friendship is to us, and what a big impact it can have on our lives when it goes wrong.

Our friends are the ones who are there for us when we need them and are a constant presence in our lives.

They’re the family we choose, and the people we confide our innermost fears and desires to.

Whereas we don’t get to pick our families, and romantic partners often come and go, good friends are there for the long haul.

They see us at our best, and our worst, and every step along the way. And they love us just the way we are.

So, it’s important to remember that it’s totally legitimate for a friend’s betrayal to have cut you so deeply.

Don’t beat yourself up about it, but accept the feelings, give them their due importance and be prepared to examine them and work through them.

2. If you can, have an honest conversation with your friend.

Your friend might have betrayed you to such an extent that you’re not willing to speak to them face to face (at least not for a long while). And that’s your prerogative.

But if you can bring yourself to speak to them, an honest conversation could be the salvation of your friendship, or could at least help you to move on, even if you choose not to remain friends with them going forwards.

You both need to be totally honest about things, without letting your ego get in the way.

Give them a chance to explain the situation from their point of view. Even if it doesn’t make things better between you, hearing their reasons for acting the way they did might help you to understand the things that have happened.

This might not be relevant in your case, but you may also need to consider whether you’ve had a role to play in what’s happened.

If you haven’t been the best friend to them in recent times, that might have contributed to their behavior. That’s not an excuse for their betrayal, but it’s something to bear in mind.

3. Figure out why you feel so betrayed.

What is it specifically about what your friend did that has hurt you so?

You need to take some time to yourself to reflect on why this is hurting you so badly. What elements of what they did bothered you the most?

Was it a concrete action that you felt was a betrayal, or was it them withholding the truth about something from you?

It might be fairly obvious, but the main reasons you’re so hurt by it might be more complex than they appear to be on the surface.

4. Ask whether the relationship is worth saving.

So, you’ve had an honest talk with them about what happened, and you’ve had a chance to analyze the way it’s made you feel.

It’s now time to look to the future and decide whether the friendship you had with them is salvageable and, if so, if it’s really worth your while putting the effort in to patching things up with them.

How important are they in your life? Would your life be poorer without them in it? Are you willing to put the necessary work in to rebuild the friendship?

Was this betrayal entirely out of the blue, and out of character? Or has this person never really be the kind of friend you deserve?

Don’t just focus on how they’ve betrayed you in the present, but think back.

If they’ve consistently been a good friend to you in the past, there for you when you need them, providing you with good advice, being loyal, and enriching your life, then one betrayal might not be enough to counteract all that.

Or it might be. It’s entirely your decision.

5. Ask whether they are sorry.

Of course, a large part of how you move forwards will depend on how your friend is dealing with the situation.

If they can’t understand your feelings of betrayal and haven’t apologized or done what they can to improve matters and make things up to you, that might be an indication that the friendship doesn’t have a future.

If, on the other hand, they’ve shown remorse and are doing their best to make things up to you, that might be a sign that your friendship could survive their betrayal.

6. Don’t rush into a decision.

When we’re angry, we all make decisions that we later regret, and you don’t want the loss of a good friend to be the result of an impetuous decision you made in the heat of the moment.

Give yourself time to calm down and mull over the situation before you make any decisions.

It might be best to avoid speaking to the friend in question until you’ve regained some kind of equilibrium, so that you don’t say anything you might want to take back later on.

After all, if you know someone well, you’ll probably know just how to hit them where it hurts.

Try to focus on the fact that it would be horrible to sacrifice a lifetime of friendship by saying something you don’t mean when the red mist comes down.

7. Say goodbye.

Some betrayals are things you can work past and come back from. But sometimes, a betrayal can spell the end of a friendship.

If you’ve decided that that’s the case with this friendship, it’s time to cut the cord.

It’s your decision if you’d like to have a formal break-up conversation with them, or not. But you wouldn’t just end a romantic relationship without letting the other person know that it’s over, so maybe you should apply the same logic here.

It won’t be an easy conversation to have, but you might want to speak to them, letting them know why you can’t find it within you to forgive them, and that you no longer want them to be a part of your life.

That’ll provide closure for you both and might stop them from trying to contact you if you don’t want them to, which can make it easier for you to move on.

8. Or, forgive them.

On the other hand, you might come to the realization that, despite the betrayal, this person is extremely important to you, and you’re willing to forgive them and work toward building the friendship up again.

In order for you to be able to be friends again, you need to forgive them for what they did. You don’t necessarily have to forget about it entirely, and you probably never will, but you do have to genuinely forgive them in your heart of hearts.

Any lingering resentment will only spell trouble further down the line.

9. Don’t expect miracles overnight.

If you’ve decided to try to rebuild a friendship, don’t expect the two of you to be back to normal within the blink of an eye. Your friendship has been through the mill and is going to need some significant time to recover.

You both need time to process what’s happened and figure out what this new stage of your friendship is going to look like as you move forward.

Be patient with one another, and whenever you find things tough, remember why you’ve chosen to keep this person as part of your life.

And remember, just as it won’t be quick, it won’t be easy. When you decide to try to patch things up, you need to be aware that it’s going to take work and determination.

10. Remember: a good friend is a treasure.

If you want to forgive your friend and move on, but you’re finding it tough, just remember that good friends don’t grow on trees, and friendship is worth fighting for.

Betrayal can spell the end of friendships, but with a commitment on both your parts and love and care for one another, the best of friends can overcome anything.

Why Did My Friend Betray Me?

It can be surprising when someone you care about betrays your trust. Why would they do that to you?

Here are some possible explanations:

1. They didn’t value the friendship as much as you did.

Were you in a one-sided friendship ?

If you cared more about your friendship than they did, it could explain what happened. And why.

If your friend didn’t value your friendship, they weren’t afraid of losing it either. So, backstabbing you was worth the risk to them.

Your friendship was less important to them than doing what they did to hurt you.

They prioritized their happiness over a friendship that they were fine with losing.

2. They wanted to end the friendship.

What if your friends did this to sabotage your friendship?

If they didn’t want to end the friendship directly, they could have been two-faced to make the friendship end on its own.

At best, they didn’t care if the friendship ended. But they may have betrayed you on purpose because they wanted things to end.

They were too afraid to face you and tell you this, so they caused you a trauma to make you leave on your own.

It’s one of the more brutal explanations for friend betrayal.

3. They made an impulsive mistake.

Let’s give your friend the benefit of the doubt. What if they didn’t mean to hurt you?

If what they did was an impulsive mistake, they will feel bad about it, apologize, and try to make up for it.

Sometimes people do things out of impulse that they regret later on.

If your friend regrets what they did, you might want to consider giving them a chance to regain your trust.

People make mistakes, and if your friend wasn’t thinking straight when they did what they did, they probably didn’t mean to cause you pain.

4. They were suffering from poor mental health.

People sometimes do bad things because they’re suffering from stress, depression, anxiety, or some other mental health issue.

How has your friend been feeling lately? Were they in a bad mood for a while now, and could some major stress in their life explain what happened?

If your friend is suffering from poor mental health, you should try to show some understanding. They probably regret what they did.

Maybe they can explain to you what made them feel like it was the right choice at that precise moment.

Of course, you may not want to let them off the hook if this is a repeated behavior. It is okay—healthy even—to let a friend go if their poor mental health is harming your well-being over a prolonged period of time.

5. They were mad at you.

People will want to hurt you when they are mad at you, even if they are your friends.

If you betrayed your friend first, they probably wanted to hurt you back.

But they could want to hurt you even if you did nothing to them.

They could be mad at you because of a disagreement you had and decide to punish you by breaking your trust.

Backstabbing can often be used as a form of revenge or punishment.

6. They are just self-centered.

Does your friend only think about themselves? Did they prioritize their needs like they always do?

If your friend is self-centered, they probably put their happiness, needs, or wants above a friendship with you.

Your friend only cares about themselves and may even be a narcissist. To be honest, this is a classic sign of a fake friend who doesn’t really care about you.

It could have been a situation where they had to choose between you and themselves, and they put themselves first like they always do.

7. They couldn’t control their emotions.

Emotions can cause people to do crazy things, and spiteful things as well.

Your friend may have betrayed you because they couldn’t control their emotions.

Maybe they were mad at you, in love with someone, or sad about something that happened.

They could have even been too drunk to control themselves or under the influence of drugs. If your friend would never betray you sober, they may have done it because of too many drinks.

8. They prioritized their romantic relationship.

Most people will prioritize a romantic relationship over a friendship.

If your friend betrayed you because they had to choose between their partner and you, they just prioritized their romantic relationship.

This may not feel right to you, but it’s a choice most people will make in that situation.

Although friendships can last longer than romantic relationships, people tend to prioritize the latter.

Examples Of Betrayal

In which way did your friend betray you? Here are the most common examples of betrayal in friendships:

You have every right to doubt your friend’s loyalty if they have been dishonest or deceitful.

Sometimes friends tell white little lies to protect your feelings, but even that could be considered a betrayal of your trust depending on the context.

For instance, a friend could lie to you that your zit is barely noticeable when it’s actually huge. That is certainly not the same as if they would lie about their feelings for you or their true intentions.

2. Gossiping.

Do your friends talk behind your back?

If they gossip about other people to you, you can bet that they gossip about you to others too.

They could even be spreading rumors, whether those rumors are true or made up.

If your friend is two-faced, you should reconsider your friendship.

But, bear in mind that gossip is not always the same as badmouthing you to others.

It’s not the same when your friend gossips about how much your new car costs and when they badmouth you by highlighting your negative qualities.

But they could also be spilling the beans about your personal life. Revealing your secrets is a huge break of trust.

3. Stealing.

Your friend could steal from you. They could steal your money, your personal belongings, your credit cards, or even your boyfriend or girlfriend.

It’s better to have enemies than bad friends like these, but it happens.

This is not the same as borrowing small things and never giving them back. Although that is a nasty habit too, it is not the same as deliberately stealing valuable things from you.

4. Keeping secrets.

Did your friend keep secrets from you?

If you needed to know something and they kept quiet about it, it is similar to lying to you.

Withholding information could be a form of being dishonest.

Your friend shouldn’t have to tell you everything that happens in their life, but they should tell you things that affect you, as well as the important information about them that could affect your friendship.

5. Being disrespectful.

An act of betrayal could be a sign that your friend doesn’t respect you .

If they disrespect your boundaries, they’re not a good friend to you.

They should respect your boundaries if you’ve clearly communicated what you will and won’t tolerate.

A friend might also act disrespectfully to you in public by putting you down or even humiliating you . You don’t need friends like that in your life.

Don’t tolerate it if your friend puts you down or humiliates you when you’re alone either. Friends tease and joke, but good friends never cross the line.

6. Breaking promises.

What if your friend constantly makes promises that they can’t keep?

They get your hopes up for nothing and leave you disappointed.

If they promised to do or not do something, they should stick to their word.

Sometimes, it can happen that a person can’t keep their promise for reasons that are out of their control. But frequently making and breaking promises is a whole other thing.

7. Using you.

Unfortunately, your friend could be using you , whether it’s for your money, time, attention, or something else.

When someone has a hidden agenda for being friends with you, they’re not really your friends.

Your friends should genuinely like you for who you are, and you should help each other and support each other.

But using someone is never mutual like that, and one person always gives more while the other just takes.

8. Cheating.

How can a friend cheat on you? Obviously, this is not the same as cheating in a romantic relationship.

But, betraying your loyalty is a form of cheating.

Whether your friends broke your trust by lying to you, revealing your secrets, or in any other way, they cheated.

Cheating could also mean that your friend befriends someone else and prioritizes them over you, even if you introduced them in the first place.

The Damaging Effects Of Friend Betrayal

What can a betrayal from a friend do to you and your mental health? Here are the most common effects of friend betrayal:

Naturally, this situation will cause you a lot of stress.

Why did they do it? What else did they do that you don’t know about yet?

Can you ever trust them again? Can you trust anyone again?

Questions like these could put you under a lot of stress. You could also have mood swings, from being stressed to feeling numb and back and forth.

2. Feeling hurt.

It hurts when someone you love betrays you.

Betrayal is a type of trauma that needs a lot of time to heal.

You could be feeling hurt for months after the incident happened, or even hold onto a grudge for years.

It’s hard to forgive someone for hurting you so much. But it is advised that you forgive your friends whether you want to stay friends with them or not.

It will help you move on and recover from this faster.

3. Being disappointed.

It’s only natural to feel let down by your friend . You expected more from them.

What they did left you disappointed in them, and possibly in the the whole world.

How could they have done this to you? How could you have let yourself trust them?

If you didn’t see the betrayal coming, you’re probably asking yourself tough questions like these.

You might even be disappointed in yourself for letting yourself trust this person and not noticing the truth earlier.

4. Being shocked and confused.

You probably didn’t expect your friend to betray you, so their behavior left you shocked and confused.

You could start doubting everything they ever told you because you don’t know what to think anymore.

It’s confusing how someone so close to you could stab you in the back.

You don’t understand their motivation and reasoning for doing what they did.

Didn’t they know that they could lose you? Why were they willing to risk that happening?

5. Low self-esteem.

Your self-esteem may take a hit by all this, especially if your friend was putting you down or badmouthing you.

Maybe they even betrayed you by stealing your boyfriend or girlfriend.

You could have problems with low self-esteem because of it.

Luckily, you can work on your self-esteem and feel better again.

But never let your friend repeat what they did.

6. Trust issues.

This bad experience could leave you with trust issues.

It’s not just that you’ll have trouble trusting that particular friend, but you’ll also find it hard to trust people in general.

You can work on your trust issues with a therapist.

Don’t let one bad experience ruin more of your friendships and relationships.

7. Feeling grief.

You are probably overwhelmed with a sense of loss. You’re grieving the loss of trust, and possibly the loss of the friendship.

If you need to cry or let out your pain in another healthy way, don’t hesitate to do so.

Take all the time you need to grieve in peace before you are ready to move on.

8. Need for revenge.

What if you want to get back at your friend for hurting you?

If you’re angry, you could be thinking about revenge.

However, this is a very bad idea.

Even if they did something terrible to you, don’t stoop to their level. It’s a much better idea to learn to forgive them and let go.

You may also like:

• 9 Ways Of Dealing With Betrayal And Healing From The Hurt
• How To Forgive Someone: 2 Science-Based Models Of Forgiveness
• How To Accept An Apology And Respond To Someone Who’s Sorry
• How To Let Go Of Anger: The 7 Stages From Rage To Release

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About The Author

Katie is a writer and translator with a focus on travel, self-care and sustainability. She's based between a cave house in Granada, Spain, and the coast of beautiful Cornwall, England. She spends her free time hiking, exploring, eating vegan tapas and volunteering for a local dog shelter.

Nothing is Worse Than a Friend’s Betrayal: 13 Signs Your Bestie Betrayed You And What to do About it

One of the difficult parts of adult life is learning that friendships end — sometimes for sad reasons. 

Even close friends can sometimes betray you, leading to a myriad of emotions. 

Unfortunately, it can happen no matter how old you are or how long you have been friends.

 The good news is that there are a few signs to watch out for. 

These might be hints that your friend has betrayed you or is thinking about betraying you.

How Does It Feel When a Friend Betrays You? 

1. they seem to be avoiding you , 2. they flake out, 3. they undermine your confidence, 4. they don’t respect your boundaries, 5. they give insincere compliments, 6. they’re not happy for you, 7. they hide their phone or social media, 8. they seem jealous, 9. they make mean jokes, 10. they avoid your questions, 11. they gossip about you, 12. they ignore you, 13. they tell small lies, 1. take some time to think, 2. confide in a friend or therapist, 3. reach out to other friends, 4. open the lines of communication when you feel ready, 5. decide whether cutting ties is a good idea, 6. consider what you need to do to heal and move on, experiencing a friend’s betrayal.

When a friend betrays you, it’s natural to have a lot of conflicting feelings. Some of it comes down to the exact situation. 

Examples of friend betrayal could include stealing a romantic partner, sharing a deeply personal secret, or pursuing something they know you wanted. 

When your friend betrays you, you might feel:

• Humiliation

All of these are perfectly normal responses to having the rug pulled from beneath you by a friend.

It may take time for these feelings to resolve, especially if the friend in question doesn’t apologize or own up to their betrayal.

13 Signs of Betrayal in Friendship

So how do you know if your friend is about to betray you? These 13 signs might offer a clue about what is going on.

Although it will still hurt, it may be better to be forewarned so you aren’t caught off guard.

Maybe it’s because of a guilty conscience, or maybe they are trying to cut you out, but your friend may seem to be avoiding you. They ignore your calls and texts or offer flimsy excuses for why they’ve been out of touch. 

When you ask if you’ve done something to upset them, they might say something vague that doesn’t offer a genuine answer. Good friends make an effort to stay in contact, and deliberate avoidance isn’t normal.

If you do manage to make plans with a friend who’s drifting away, don’t be surprised if they flake out. Whenever you try to meet up, it seems like they have something come up — and it’s not something that really adds up. 

People can only have so many car emergencies or family problems before it becomes pretty obvious that they’re trying to avoid you. If your friend cancels plans again and again, there may be something else going on.

Good friends should be supportive and kind. A friend who might betray you may try to undermine your confidence by making passive-aggressive comments, backhanded compliments , or unhelpful suggestions. 

They might belittle you in front of others or contradict you in ways designed to make you look illogical or incompetent.

Other ways people might do this is by exposing your mistakes to others or belittling your achievements. 

A good friend respects your boundaries , whether or not they agree with them. A friend who has betrayed you may repeatedly disrespect the boundaries you have set in place.

These might be large or small, such as keeping your secrets or respecting your preference that they send a text before dropping by. 

Dismissing someone’s wishes shows that they don’t care about your sense of comfort, safety, and trust — or that they think their preferences are more important. 

We’ve all been on the receiving end of a backhanded compliment, and they can really hurt.

Insincere compliments can sound like, “You finally did something right!” or “I never thought that dress would look good on you,” or “Your skin looks so much better than it did last week.” 

These backhanded compliments are designed to sound nice but are clearly insults when you stop and think about them. The only reason people give them is to make you feel bad .

Maybe you just got a big promotion at work, started a new relationship, or heard great news about a close family member. Ideally, your friends will feel happy for you because you feel happy. 

But if your friend has betrayed you, they might not seem very happy about your good luck.

In fact, they might seem downright upset or even angry about it, giving curt congratulations and then leaving the conversation.

Just as with cheating partners , friends who are drifting away from you might hide their phone or social media from you. 

Not that friends usually have open access to each other’s phones, but you might notice that they quickly put their phone away when you walk into the room or act evasive when you ask who they’re talking to. 

These things alone might not mean anything, but they can certainly point to something sneaky behind your back. 

Does your friend seem oddly fixated on your achievements or blessings, but not for the best reasons? Maybe they often make jealous remarks about your financial status, relationships, or material possessions. 

Frequent comments like these often have a lot of anger behind them, and eventually, that becomes evident.

You can always ask them gently if everything is OK. Unfortunately, if they’ve betrayed you, they’re unlikely to be honest about what’s really on their mind.

There should be room in a friendship for jokes and sometimes even good-natured teasing. But “good-natured” is the key phrase. 

If your friend is continually making jokes at your expense or seems to enjoy embarrassing or belittling you, it’s safe to say something is going on.

It’s always a good idea to voice your concerns to ensure it’s not a misunderstanding. If they mean well, they’ll apologize and back off. 

You sense something is wrong, so you start asking questions. Maybe you even wonder if you did something wrong and your friend is upset with you.

Sometimes, you might end up having a heart-to-heart and laying everything out in the open. 

But if they dodge your questions and insist that everything is fine when it’s clearly not, there might be something else going on. Good friends shouldn’t act evasive when it comes to fixing problems.

Talking about a friend behind their back is never okay. If one of your friends suddenly seems to be dishing out with everyone you know, they owe you an explanation …and an apology. 

Of course, most people don’t just start gossiping out of nowhere. It could be a sign that your friendship has soured. It could also be a sign of their true nature. People can be good at hiding their bad side until it suits them.

Friendship goes both ways. Just as with a relationship, there has to be some give and take. If your friend doesn’t seem to be listening to you when you speak, that’s something to note. 

A sustainable friendship isn’t possible if they demand that you listen to their problems but never return the favor.

It might just be a sign that they’re not a good friend — but it could also be a sign that something has changed.

Most of us tell the occasional white lie, but if your friend seems to be frequently lying for no reason, there might be something strange going on. 

It could be that they are trying to cover their tracks, so you don’t know what they’re planning to do — or it could be that they are showing their dishonest side. Some people are pathological liars, meaning they lie all the time without real impetus.

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What to Do When You Are Betrayed by a Friend 

So what should you do after you feel the effects of betrayal in friendship? It can take some real effort to move past the experience and heal from the emotional wounds. 

It is easy to do things impetuously when you are feeling sad, hurt, angry or humiliated. Try to avoid making any big decisions before taking the time to reflect. 

You can do this by journaling, talking it out with someone else, or simply sitting with your thoughts. Think about your friendship, the betrayal, and how it has affected your relationship.

Getting an outside perspective can help you sort out your feelings and figure out what you want to do. 

A listening ear can be helpful for your emotional needs, and another voice can help you feel validated — or consider the situation from a new angle. Regardless, it’s always good to talk to people about emotional experiences. 

Gossiping about friend drama and trying to pit mutual friends against each other isn’t a good idea. 

But what is a good idea is finding strength and comfort in other friendships. When you’re feeling let down by a friend, having other friends offer support can make a huge difference. 

Let’s be clear: even if you do want to try to repair the relationship, it’s OK if you’re not ready right away. 

You have the right to tell your friend: “I want to talk about this eventually, but right now, I’m feeling too hurt and vulnerable to have a conversation. I’ll reach out when I’m ready.” 

Sadly, some friendships can’t be saved — and reconciliation can’t be one-sided. Sometimes, cutting ties with your friend might be the best thing for your mental and emotional health. 

You also can’t force forgiveness, so sometimes, the best way to move on and forgive them is to get some space. Losing a friend is always sad, but sometimes it’s the best way forward.

Sometimes, you may need time to grieve for the friendship that you lost. It’s OK to let yourself feel the hurt, anger, and betrayal that they inflicted on you. However, it’s not healthy to dwell on these memories forever. 

Consider what you need to do to move past the experience, whether that’s making new friends, going to therapy, or something else.

Unfortunately, most people experience a betrayal by a friend at some point. Although it is always a sad experience, it can open the door to healthier friendships with other people. 

Friendship betrayal: Why it hurts so much

Navigate the turbulent seas of emotional betrayal and discover your route to recovery and personal growth.

• 1 The depth of emotional investment
• 2 The role of trust in friendship
• 3 Feelings of deceit and disillusionment
• 4 The impact on self-esteem
• 5 The way forward

Friendship is a precious gift that can bring immense joy and fulfillment. It’s built on a foundation of mutual respect , trust, and affection, and often leads to a deep emotional bond that can feel like an extension of ourselves.

But what happens when that bond is broken? What happens when the friend you trusted and cared for betrays you? The pain can be intense, and the hurt can run deep.

This piece explores the complex emotions that arise when we feel betrayed by a friend. It’s a meaningful exploration of a difficult topic that many of us can relate to.

So, let’s dive deep into understanding the  profound hurt caused by betrayal in friendships and how to find the way forward .

The depth of emotional investment

When we form friendships, we create an emotional bond based on trust, affection, and mutual respect.

This bond is nurtured and strengthened over time, often making a friend feel like an extension of ourselves. Therefore, when a friend betrays us, it feels like a part of us has been damaged or lost.

The pain we experience is a reflection of the depth of our emotional investment in the relationship.

The role of trust in friendship

Trust is the cornerstone of any friendship. It is this trust that allows us to be vulnerable, share our thoughts, dreams, fears, and secrets with our friends.

We believe in their loyalty and expect them to safeguard our confidences. Therefore, when this  trust is broken , it can have a devastating impact on our emotional well-being.

The betrayal not only shatters our faith in the friend but also leads us to question our judgement and ability to trust others.

Feelings of deceit and disillusionment

Feeling deceived by a friend can lead to a strong sense of disillusionment. The friend you thought you knew, and who you believed valued and respected you, suddenly becomes a stranger.

This drastic shift in perception can be extremely painful and unsettling.

For instance, imagine finding out that your best friend has been spreading rumors about you.

The person you trusted the most in the world, the person you shared your deepest secrets with, is now the source of your pain and humiliation.

This example illustrates the profound hurt that can be caused by betrayal in friendship .

The impact on self-esteem

Being betrayed by a friend can also have a dramatic impact on our self-esteem. This is particularly true if the betrayal involves humiliation or public embarrassment .

In such cases, the betrayed person may begin to feel inadequate or unworthy, questioning their own worth and value.

The betrayal can act as a mirror, reflecting a distorted image of self-worth that can be deeply damaging to our self-esteem.

The way forward

While it’s undeniable that being betrayed by a friend really hurts, it’s crucial to remember that one person’s actions should not define your self-worth or influence your ability to trust others.

Healing from betrayal takes time and patience, but it’s ultimately an opportunity for growth and self-reflection.

Don’t let the actions of one person close your heart to the possibility of new and sincere friendships .

In conclusion, the deep hurt we feel when betrayed by a friend stems from the depth of our emotional investment, the breach of trust, feelings of deceit and disillusionment, and the impact on our self-esteem.

Remember, it’s not about you, but about the other person’s actions and choices.

So, did this article help you understand why being betrayed by a friend really hurts? If it did, please feel free to share it on your social networks.

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Why betrayal of friends hurts so much

When we think of betrayal, we often think of betrayal in romantic relationships and marriages. While such betrayals are obviously very damaging to the victim, the betrayal of friends can be damaging as well. Yet, people don’t talk about it that often.

In this article, we’ll discuss the phenomenon of friendship betrayal. Focusing on the betrayal of friends is important because almost all relationships start out as friendships. If you can understand and deal with betrayal at the friendship level, you might handle it at the relationship level as well.

Betrayal and close relationships

We humans have certain needs that can only be met by forming close relationships and friendships with others. These are give-and-take relationships where we get benefits from others while simultaneously providing benefits to them.

For betrayal to happen, you have to first invest in the person. If you’re not invested at all in them, there’s no risk of betrayal.

A stranger is least likely to betray you. Even if they do, it doesn’t hurt as much as a betrayal coming from a close friend. Your enemies can’t betray you. You’re not invested in these people. You don’t trust them to begin with.

In friendships, however, you invest your time, energy and resources. You only do that because you expect things from them in return. If you get very little or nothing back, you feel betrayed.

The psychological experience of betrayal

The degree of hurt you feel when you’re betrayed is proportional to how much you were invested in the friendship. The feelings of hurt are there to motivate you to re-evaluate your relationship with the betrayer.

You can’t keep on investing in a person, getting no returns. When you feel bad after someone betrays you, your mind is basically giving you a chance to redirect your investments elsewhere.

Our ancestors who didn’t evolve such a mechanism would have kept investing in non-fruitful friendships and alliances at their own expense.

Therefore, we have this cheater-detector mechanism in our minds that is sensitive to cues of betrayal. 1

In other words, even if we get a whiff of betrayal in a close relationship, we’re likely to jump on it. Letting such instances pass would have been too costly for our ancestors.

In short, we enter friendships with certain expectations. We invest in the other person and try to cultivate trust. When that trust is violated, we feel betrayed. The feelings of betrayal motivate us to avoid future betrayals from the same person and redirect our investments elsewhere.

Intentional vs unintentional betrayal

Just because you feel betrayed doesn’t necessarily mean your friend intentionally betrayed you. As mentioned in the previous section, our cheater-detector mechanism is highly active and ready to jump on and call out instances of betrayal. It just wants to protect us.

However, it’s crucial to differentiate between intentional and unintentional betrayal. Only when you can be sure that your friend has intentionally betrayed you should you consider a course of action like terminating your friendship with them.

Before that, you have to give them a chance to explain their side of the story. Of course, this might give them a chance to lie or make up excuses. But if their story holds up, it’s more likely that you were too quick to doubt them.

That is likely to be the case if they’ve had an excellent track record with you. You’ve had no reason to doubt them in the past. If you often find yourself doubting that person, it’s likely that they’re dishonest. The frequency matters here.

A study asked people to describe instances where they betrayed others and instances where they were betrayed. When the subjects talked about instances where they betrayed the other person, they mostly blamed themselves but not their stable personality traits. 2

They attributed their betrayal to their temporary mental and emotional states. For example, “I was going through a rough period” or “I couldn’t resist the temptation” or “I was intoxicated”.

In contrast, when describing episodes where they were betrayed, they mostly blamed the other person’s stable personality traits . For example, “They have an inherent weakness” or “They have no self-control” or “They lack principles”.

This is why, before accusing someone of betrayal, one should always seek to collect as much information about the situation as possible.

The challenge of friendship and betrayal

One could live in a cave somewhere and totally eliminate the risk of being betrayed, ever. Some people do just that. For most of us, that isn’t an option because we’re willing to risk betrayal to have our important needs met by others.

The challenge of friendship and betrayal is this:

On one hand, we want to get close to a person to have our companionship and intimacy needs met. On the other hand, the closer we get to someone, the more power give them to betray us.

You can’t really get close to someone if you don’t share your life, secrets, and vulnerabilities with them. 3

Yet, when they betray you, they’re likely to use those very things against you.

Hence, knowing how to protect yourself from the betrayal of friends is one of the most important life skills you can learn.

How to protect yourself from betrayal

Your friend is likely to betray you when they believe they have more to gain from the betrayal than from your friendship. If you can tweak this simple math in your favor, you can significantly reduce your chances of getting betrayed.

Here are some things you can do to reduce the chances of getting betrayed:

1. Have a solid ground for friendship

What’s your friendship based on? I hope you’ve already disabused yourself of the notion of unconditional friendship. There’s simply no such thing.

You probably made this person your friend because you hoped to get something from them. You probably saw them as someone who could help you meet your important needs.

They did the same. They thought they could gain something valuable from you. It’s often hard to pinpoint what mutual benefits a friendship might be based on.

Maybe your friend thought you were smart and could help him with assignments. Maybe your friend thought you’re funny and would make them feel good.

There are many benefits people can gain by being in friendships. These benefits are often comparable in magnitude. In other words, one can’t give their friend much more than they get. This is why you don’t see the rich being friends with the poor. Sure, they might help the poor with charity and stuff, but from a distance.

If a rich person did become friends with a poor person, the latter will gain much more from the friendship than they can give. This imbalance is what makes such friendships extremely rare.

Anyway, the key to avoiding betrayal is to give your friend something they can’t gain elsewhere. If they mainly became your friend because you could help them with studying, then as soon as they graduate, they have no reason to continue being your friend.

In contrast, a friendship that is built on more lasting foundations such as personality traits, shared values, beliefs, and interests is likely to last long. There is minimal risk of betrayal here because you can continue giving them what they want as long as you continue being who you are.

It’s unlikely that your personality will undergo a drastic change. Or that they’ll come across another person who’s just like you- has your unique combination of personality, values, and interests.

By looking for such a solid ground for friendship, you can get better at choosing friends from the outset. Prevention is always better than cure.

2. Be mindful of the shadow of the future

If your newly-made friend knows they won’t interact very much with you in the future, the odds of them betraying you shoot up. Although betrayal does happen in old friendships, new friendships are a breeding ground for betrayal.

If your friendship has a short shadow of the future, your friend can easily get away with betraying you. When they believe they can minimize the costs of betraying you by not interacting with you in the future, they’d be more willing to betray you.

This is one reason people who’ve been betrayed and do nothing to punish those betrayers are likely to get betrayed again and again. They’re basically putting a message out there that they’re okay with being betrayed. This encourages potential betrayers even more because they know that the costs of betraying will be low.

When making new friends, it’s a good idea to give some thought to whether it has the potential to last. If it doesn’t, you might only expose yourself to betrayal.

3. Calibrate your opening up to people

You can’t go around opening yourself up to people. You can’t blindly trust everyone. I know this is the age of sharing, social media and public personal lives, but oversharing exposes you to betrayal.

If you’re like most people, you come across a person you’d like to be friends with, and you open yourself up to them. You hope that the other person will also open themselves up to you.  

This is a risky strategy. You may find that you’ve opened yourself up to this person, but they haven’t, not nearly to the same extent. Now, if the friendship turns sour, you’ve given them all the weapons to destroy you.

“It’s hard to tell who has your back from who has it long enough just to stab you in it.” – Nicole Richie

Ideally, you want them to open up first and then calibrate your opening up to their opening up. If they reveal little to you, you do the same. If they reveal a lot, you do too. Your revelations should follow theirs. This way, you’ll always be one step ahead of them.

If the friendship turns sour and they threaten to release your secrets out into the world, you’ll have a whole lot of their secrets to reveal as well. This strategy immunizes you to betrayal.

The only problem with this approach is that you may not come across many people willing to open themselves up to you. I think that’s a good thing because this way you’ll steer clear of most betrayers. Sure, you might end up with fewer friends, but at least you can count on them.

The good news is that if someone makes the effort to open up to you and tries to cultivate trust with you, they’re least likely to betray you. Generally, the more trusting a person is, the less likely they are to break others’ trust. 4

If you still want to open yourself up first because you really like the person, you should at least be mindful of how much they’re reciprocating. Don’t open yourself up all at once, but gradually, making sure the other person is reciprocating.

Ultimately, however, you should always seek to balance the friendship. You know, make it an equal give-and-take. The best friendships are balanced. They don’t have an imbalance of giving and taking, sharing, and revealing vulnerabilities.

• Cosmides, L., & Tooby, J. (1992). Cognitive adaptations for social exchange.  The adapted mind: Evolutionary psychology and the generation of culture ,  163 , 163-228.
• Jones, W. H., Couch, L., & Scott, S. (1997). Trust and betrayal: The psychology of getting along and getting ahead. In  Handbook of personality psychology  (pp. 465-482). Academic Press.
• Rempel, J. K., Holmes, J. G., & Zanna, M. P. (1985). Trust in close relationships.  Journal of personality and social psychology ,  49 (1), 95.
• Rotter, J. B. (1980). Interpersonal trust, trustworthiness, and gullibility.  American psychologist ,  35 (1), 1.

Hi, I’m Hanan Parvez (MA Psychology). I’ve published over 500 articles and authored one book. My work has been featured in Forbes , Business Insider , Reader’s Digest , and Entrepreneur .

Disappointed by Friends: Coping with Betrayal and Letdown

Feeling let down by friends is a universal experience we’ve all faced at one point or another. Disappointment can come in many forms, and it’s often brought on by the people closest to us. We tend to hold our friends to high standards, expecting them to be there when we need them most and share in our joy during the best times. But what happens when they fall short of these expectations?

As an expert blogger, I’ve navigated my fair share of friendship woes. From small slights that sting, like missing important events, to more significant problems like betrayal or loss of trust – I’ve seen it all. And while every situation is unique, there are certain patterns and steps that can help anyone dealing with disappointment from their friends.

There’s no denying it: being disappointed by your friends hurts. It’s not just because you thought they’d always be there for you; it’s also because these relationships form such a crucial part of your social support system. Yet despite this pain, remember that feeling letdown doesn’t mean you’re alone or that your friendship is doomed forever.

Understanding the Feeling of Disappointment

Feeling disappointed by friends is something I’ve grappled with, and it’s an emotion that can hit us hard. It’s like a punch in the gut when those we hold dear let us down. But what does this feeling really mean? And why does it hurt so much?

Disappointment is a complex emotion. It’s not just sadness or frustration, but rather a cocktail of both, stirred with a dash of betrayal and sprinkling of self-doubt. When it comes from our friends – the people we trust and rely on – it feels magnified. We question their loyalty and perhaps even our own judgement.

Have you ever felt your heart sink at a friend’s broken promise? Or experienced anger bubble up when they cancel plans last minute? These reactions reflect our expectations being shattered, creating that bitter taste of disappointment.

When we consider friendship statistics:

It becomes clear that feeling disappointed by friends isn’t uncommon.

Let me share an anecdote to illustrate this point further. A good friend promised to help me move apartments one weekend. They canceled last minute due to another engagement, leaving me stranded. My initial reaction was disbelief followed by disappointment – both in my friend for failing to honor their commitment, and in myself for relying on them.

Understanding disappointment helps us manage these feelings better. Recognizing their roots can guide us towards healthier relationships where expectations align more closely with reality.

Remember that feeling disappointed doesn’t make you unreasonable or needy; it makes you human! Even best friends can disappoint each other as no one’s perfect – including ourselves! Reflecting on these experiences can present valuable learning opportunities about ourselves and how we relate to others.

Common Reasons for Being Disappointed by Friends

It’s not uncommon to feel let down by those closest to us. One of the most heart-wrenching experiences in life is feeling disappointed by friends. Let’s dive into some common reasons why this may occur.

Firstly, broken promises can be a major source of disappointment. We all expect our friends to keep their word and when they don’t, it hurts. For instance, you might have been looking forward to a planned outing that never happened because your friend flaked out at the last minute without any explanation.

Secondly, lack of support during difficult times can also lead to feelings of disappointment. We tend to turn towards our friends when we’re going through tough times and their absence or indifference can be hard to swallow. Imagine losing your job and instead of being there for you, your friend brushes off your worries saying “you’ll find another one.”

Next on the list is betrayal; nothing stings quite like it. This could range from spreading confidential information, backstabbing or siding with others against you in an argument. These actions break trust and leave us questioning the whole friendship.

Lastly, unequal efforts in maintaining the relationship often cause frustration and disappointment as well. Friendships require work from both parties; if only one person is putting in all the energy while the other barely contributes, it becomes draining over time.

So there you have it – four common scenarios where friends might disappoint you: broken promises, lack of support during rough patches, betrayal and unequal investment in the relationship.

The Psychological Impact of Friend-Based Disappointment

Feeling let down by a friend can be incredibly hurtful. I’ve found that this type of disappointment often leads to a whirlwind of emotions, which can take a serious toll on one’s mental health. It’s not uncommon for individuals to experience feelings of betrayal, anger, sadness, or even despair when they are disappointed by someone they considered close.

Now, it’s important to understand that every person reacts differently to friend-based disappointments. For some people, the pain might lead them into a state of isolation as they try to cope with the emotional blow. Others might react in an outwardly aggressive manner, leading to potential conflicts and further strain on relationships.

Research has shown that such experiences can have long-term psychological implications too. According to a study conducted by the American Psychological Association (APA), individuals who frequently face disappointment from their friends tend to develop trust issues over time. This could impact their ability to form meaningful connections in the future.

Moreover, sustained periods of stress resulting from these disappointments can result in physical symptoms like headaches and sleep problems. In more severe cases, it may even contribute towards mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety.

• Sleep problems

To sum things up: whether it’s an unkept promise or unexpected betrayal – friend-based disappointments have significant psychological impacts. They affect not just our emotional well-being but also our physical health and interpersonal relationships moving forward.

Personal Stories: Experiences with Friendship Letdowns

Let me share a few personal stories that I’ve collected over the years about experiences with friendship letdowns. These are real-life accounts from various individuals, each one unique and revealing in its own way.

One of my acquaintances, let’s call him Mark, had a childhood friend who he trusted implicitly. They’d been inseparable since kindergarten and shared many life milestones together. But as they grew older, their paths started to diverge. Mark worked hard to make a stable career while his friend fell into some bad habits. Despite this, Mark stuck by his side believing that true friendship could weather any storm. Unfortunately, his trust was betrayed when he found out his friend had been stealing money from him for months to support his habits. This incident left Mark deeply hurt and disappointed.

Then there’s Sarah’s story – she was part of a tight-knit group of friends throughout high school and college . Always being there for each other was their motto but things changed after graduation when everyone moved away for jobs or further studies. Sarah felt abandoned as her friends became more engrossed in their new lives and stopped making efforts to keep in touch regularly despite her attempts to do so.

I also met Anna during an event where she opened up about her experience with toxic friendships where her ‘friends’ repeatedly belittled her achievements under the guise of humor or constructive criticism which eroded her self-esteem over time.

• Mark – Betrayed by best friend
• Sarah – Felt abandoned after friends moved away
• Anna – Experienced toxic behavior

These stories underline how friendship letdowns can come in different forms but they all result in similar feelings of disappointment and betrayal.

How to Communicate Your Feelings to Your Friends

Let’s dive into the heart of the matter – expressing your feelings to friends when you’re disappointed. It’s a tricky balance, but it certainly isn’t impossible.

First, a good starting point is honesty. Just as you’d appreciate truth from them, they’ll likely respect it from you too. Tell them how their actions or words have affected you without blaming or accusing them outright. Instead of saying “You always let me down,” try something along the lines of “I felt let down when XYZ happened.” This way, you’re not attacking their character, but sharing your personal experience.

Next up is timing. Timing can often be key in such scenarios. It’s best to bring up your concerns when both parties are calm and open for discussion rather than in the heat of an argument or immediately after an upsetting event.

• Choose a neutral setting: A quiet place where you can talk without interruptions.
• Be clear about what hurt you: Instead of giving vague descriptions, provide specific examples.
• Use ‘I’ statements: Instead of saying ‘you did this’, say ‘this made me feel…’.

Now here’s something interesting! According to a study by University College London, emotions are contagious among friends. This means that if we’re feeling upset and don’t communicate it effectively, there’s a chance our negativity could spread within our friend group.

Lastly, remember that everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect – including yourself! Give your friends room for error and opportunities for growth just as much as you’d want them to do the same for you.

In conclusion (remember we discussed avoiding this phrase?), effective communication requires patience, understanding and most importantly – practice! So give it time and keep trying until it works out!

And before I sign off on this section – don’t forget that sometimes we need professional help navigating through certain situations. If conversations with your friends aren’t helping or your disappointment is causing distress, reach out to a mental health professional. They’re equipped to guide you through these tricky times.

Approaches to Overcoming Disappointment in Friendships

Navigating the waters of friendship isn’t always smooth sailing. There are times when we’re let down by those we care about the most. When that happens, it’s crucial to know how to cope with disappointment.

One method is honest communication. It’s easier said than done, but addressing your feelings openly can pave the way for understanding and resolution. Let your friend know what you’ve been feeling and why. You’ll be surprised at how much a simple conversation can clear up misunderstandings.

Another approach is setting boundaries. If you’re constantly feeling disappointed, it might be time to reassess what you’re willing to accept from others. Setting boundaries does not mean pushing your friends away; rather, it ensures mutual respect and understanding within the relationship.

Learning to manage expectations can also help prevent future disappointments. We often build up scenarios in our minds about how situations should play out or how people should behave – only to be let down when reality doesn’t match these fantasies.

Lastly, don’t overlook self-care during this process. It’s important not just for overcoming disappointment, but for general mental well-being too! Take time out for yourself: read a book, take a walk in nature or indulge in some chocolate therapy – whatever makes you feel better!

• Honest Communication
• Set Boundaries
• Manage Expectations

These strategies aren’t foolproof and they require effort and patience on your part – but they’re definitely worth trying if you want healthier friendships moving forward!

Tips for Building More Fulfilling Friendships

There’s no denying it: friendships are crucial to our well-being. They can bring joy, improve health, and provide comfort during times of sorrow. But what happens when these relationships fall short? When they leave us feeling disappointed or unfulfilled? Here are a few tips I’ve gathered on how to build more fulfilling friendships.

First up, let’s talk about communication. It’s key in any relationship but especially so in friendships. Open and honest conversations are the bedrock of lasting connections. Make it a point to actively listen when your friends speak, showing empathy towards their feelings and experiences.

Next is mutual respect. This might seem like a given yet it’s often overlooked in the hustle and bustle of life. Show appreciation for your friends’ time, opinions, and boundaries – just as you’d want them to do for you.

Then there’s reliability – being there when your friends need you most. You don’t have to always have all the answers; sometimes an empathetic ear or shoulder to lean on can make all the difference.

Now we come to shared interests – that glue that binds many great friendships together! Engaging in activities you both enjoy not only creates memorable experiences but also deepens the bond between you two.

Lastly but certainly not least, be patient with yourself and others as these changes take time. Rome wasn’t built in a day nor will your dream friendship be! Keep nurturing these aspects into your relationships consistently over time.

Remember this isn’t an exhaustive list by any means; each friendship is unique after all! However, practicing these tips could go a long way towards building more fulfilling friendships that enrich rather than drain your life.

Conclusion: Turning Disappointment into Growth

It’s never easy when friends let us down. We build our trust and hopes around them, and it stings when those expectations are unmet. But here’s a secret I’ve learned: disappointment can be a catalyst for growth.

Let’s dive deeper into this idea. When we’re disappointed by friends, it forces us to look inward and reassess our relationships. It nudges us to establish boundaries , respect our own needs, and value ourselves more.

• It pushes us to become better communicators.
• It urges us to express our feelings honestly.
• And most importantly, it teaches us the art of forgiveness.

Now don’t get me wrong—I’m not suggesting that we should welcome disappointment with open arms. But if it does come knocking at the door, we shouldn’t fear it either. Instead, let’s use it as an opportunity to grow stronger and wiser.

Remember these points:

• Every friendship has its ups and downs.
• Disappointment doesn’t signify the end; rather, it can be a new beginning.
• Most importantly—growth often comes from places we least expect.

So next time you find yourself feeling disappointed by a friend—pause. Remember this is your chance to learn something about yourself and about the nature of friendships in general.

In wrapping up this discussion on being disappointed by friends—it’s essential to remember that everyone makes mistakes—even our closest pals! So before you judge too harshly or make any hasty decisions—give them space for improvement—and give yourself room for personal growth too!

Disappointments may sting—but they also shape who we become. They help forge resilience, foster empathy, and fuel personal development—if only we allow them.

That’s my final thought on turning disappointment into growth—a bitter pill perhaps but one that ultimately promotes healing and self-improvement in ways you might not have imagined before! Don’t let disappointment pull you down. Instead, leverage it for your personal growth and transformation.

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• Oct 6, 2021

7 Strategies You Can Do to Heal After a Friend Betrayal

Updated: Sep 25, 2022

Do you remember a time you experienced a friend betrayal? I’m sure you do. A friend is a person who cares and supports you. The last thing you might expect is feeling deceived by someone who is supposed to have your back. In this article, I discuss examples and reasons for a friend's betrayal. In addition, I review helpful strategies you can do to recover and heal after a friend betrays you.

Examples of a Friend Betrayal

As a therapist in Orange County , I have heard several examples of how individuals feel betrayed by their friends. It’s hard navigating the social world. Particularly, trying to figure out what is a good friend and how to be a good friend. Sometimes, people will share private information about their friend to someone else. Sometimes, others will talk negatively behind their friend's back.

A common friend betrayal is when a friend drops their close friend because of their new romantic relationship. The close friend goes from spending a lot of time with their friend to none at all. A person can feel like their friendship isn’t of any value anymore.

At times, a person can be overly self-centered. They might betray a friend by not reciprocating in the friendship. The friendship can feel one-sided where someone is left putting in all the effort.

Lastly, if a friend is going through a major life event such as a loss, mental health problem, or illness, they are going to be seeking out their close friend for support and comfort. It can be painful if that supposedly close friend is nowhere to be found when they desperately need them.

Why a Friend Betrays You

There could be many reasons or motivations why a friend betrays you. Some friendships aren’t healthy from the beginning. When listening to individuals talk about their social conflicts, I can’t help to think these friends weren’t good friends in the first place. A friend who does not treat their friendships with respect and kindness has a higher chance of betraying their friend’s trust.

Another motivation could be the friend is angry and is having a difficult time communicating that anger appropriately. The friend does not know how to resolve conflict so, they purposely hurt others to take out their frustration. This betrayal is more direct and purposeful.

Another explanation could be having difficulty juggling friendships and romantic relationships. People who have a fear of abandonment or lower self esteem have a difficult time seeing themselves outside the romantic relationship. The romantic relationship becomes all-encompassing and all consuming. Thus, the other friend is left high and dry.

The Effects of Being Betrayed by a Friend

I feel hurt..

It is incredibly hurtful when a friend betrays you. Most people feel broken trust and emotional pain. You love and care for the person who betrayed the friendship and that is painful.

I Feel Disappointed.

Your friend did not meet your expectations. Your friend has been there for you in the past however, not this time. You probably banked on the fact your friend would never have done this to you, but you were “proven wrong.”

I Feel Confused.

How can my friend do this? I thought everything was fine between me and my friend and now, it’s not. Some individuals turn inward and consistently ask themselves, “what did I do wrong?” Sometimes, a friend's betrayal might end a friendship all together. The person is left with no closure and incredibly confused.

I Feel Doubtful.

Being betrayed by a friend can leave you feeling doubtful of other friendships. You might not want to reach out to others for emotional support for fear of getting betrayed again. You might be telling yourself, “If this person betrayed my trust, then I am sure others can too .”

I Feel a Sense of Loss.

In extreme situations, a possible result of the betrayal is the end of the friendship. Your friendship meant a great deal to you. You invested a lot of time and energy into the friendship. You can feel a sense of grief and loss because the friendship is now over, or the friendship isn’t what it was anymore.

How to Recover from a Friend Betrayal

The first step in recovering after a friendship betrayal is to clarify any misunderstandings in the friendship. It could be your friend is going through psychological or emotional struggles which is clouding their judgement and insight. Talk with your friend and clear up any misinterpretations. If your friend is willing to listen attentively, respond with compassion, and reflect on their part in the situation; that can be a good sign of recovery.

When going through a friend's betrayal, it’s important to be aware of all your feelings. Take the time to sit with your feelings and recognize all your emotions. It is crucial to name those feelings by verbalizing to someone you trust, “I feel hurt by my friend who said negative things behind my back.” When we name those feelings, essentially, we are validating and acknowledging those feelings are important and significant to us!

How to Heal After a Friend Betrays You

1. reflect on the friendship.

Reflect on the possible red flags that went on in the friendship. “Has this friend had similar offenses in the past?” When you take time to think about the friendship, you might figure out maybe this friend wasn’t as much of a friend as you thought they were.

2. Assess on what qualities you want in a friendship

A betrayal in a friendship is a good opportunity to think about what qualities you wish in a friendship. As you go through stages in life, there might be certain qualities you are looking for in friendship. For example, in this season, you are struggling with loss and you notice yourself gravitating towards friends who are emotionally available for you. I suggest writing down qualities you want in your friendships right now.

3. Give your other friendships a chance

A lot of times, we get so wrapped up in the friendship that is causing conflict that we forget about the other wonderful relationships you have. After you figure out what qualities you want in your friendships, identify which current friendships have those qualities you are looking for. Put effort and time towards those friendships that meet your needs.

4. Surround yourself with love and support

Healing is a painful and slow process. It’s super beneficial to surround yourself with people who love and support you. For example, reach out to any family members or trusted loved ones that will offer you emotional support.

5. Do not partake in retaliation

Feeling betrayed by a friend can lead to feelings of anger. If you aren’t in control of your anger, sometimes you can lash out especially at people who have hurt you. Some examples could be gossiping, spreading emotionally harmful information, or betraying back. Hurting others because you are hurt disrupts the healing process. Retaliation only keeps you in the thick of the betrayal.

6. Forgive or not forgive?

You have two options accept the misunderstanding and apology from the friend or accept the friend doesn’t have the qualities you are looking for in a friendship. At that point, you can make the choice to forgive or not forgive. Moving forward and healing is ultimately coming to a state of forgiveness where you accept the result. If that means, giving your friend an opportunity to improve the friendship or putting effort into making other friendships more meaningful. The act of forgiveness is for you not for the friend who betrayed you.

7. Find professional help

Lastly, depending on the type of betrayal and the amount of emotional pain seeking professional help can be effective. Healing from a friend's betrayal encompasses a lot of emotional energy and big emotions. It can be incredibly helpful to have a professional who’s a third-party help guide you through that process.

Any type of betrayal is going to be hurtful especially coming from a friend. Being aware of the motivations and effects of the betrayal will help you begin the recovery process. Allow yourself to recognize and name all those valid emotions. Reflection is crucial in the healing process. Reflection gives you the opportunity to understand your needs, assess your friendships, and decide how you want to move forward.

Needing more help:

Sometimes the pain of a friendship betrayal can become problematic, or you might be experiencing more symptoms than warranted. Specifically, teens and young adults who are trying to figure out where they belong in the social world. During this time, it’s inevitable to come across friends who you might feel betrayed by. I help teens and young adults navigate through depression, anxiety, grief and loss, and life transitions in a safe and therapeutic space.

If you are in the state of California and looking for therapy services, please feel free to contact me to schedule a free consultation.

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Gina Davis, PsyD

Psychotherapy in the San Francisco Bay Area

Betrayed by a friend? Read this.

When betrayal enters into a friendship, it can transform a source of great joy into a source of immense pain. Maybe a friend told a secret they swore up and down to keep confidential. Maybe they sided with someone who has acted abusively towards you. Or maybe in a heated moment, they deliberately pushed a painful button that they knew would hurt you the most.

Regardless of what the infraction looks like, the bottom line is that you no longer feel you can trust your friend. You no longer have that easy feeling of safety with them – whether that safety was emotional, mental, or physical.

Being betrayed by a friend is an experience many of us have or will encounter in life. In this week’s post, I will share three stages for healing from a friend’s betrayal.

#1: Get Safe

When a betrayal occurs, the feeling of safety and trust are often compromised. As with a trauma, you need to take a step back and get safe again. This could look like removing yourself from the conversation, blocking or removing the person from your social media, setting boundaries, staying away from the person in real life, or anything else that helps you fell safe.

Getting safe is not about being “mean” or “getting back” at your friend. It’s about taking care of yourself. It’s extremely important to practice your self-soothing skills and give yourself all the time you need time to reset from the experience. You will know when you are ready to move on to stage two, which is:

#2: Process What Happened

Once you have established safety for yourself, you’ll want to process the events and your feelings about them. You could talk to an objective person about what happened (I would avoid talking to mutual friends as this could lead to more issues), discuss your feelings with a professional therapist or counselor, or reflect on your own by writing in a journal.

During the processing stage, you may find it useful to examine the friendship as a whole. Be honest with yourself about trends and repeated behaviors within the friendship by asking yourself the following questions:

• Was this betrayal a one-off event, or part of a pattern? Have there been other hurtful behaviors over time?
• Does this friendship have the consistent hallmarks of a healthy relationship? Read about what these are here .
• If I’m being honest with myself, how do I feel in this friendship most of the time?
• How do I contribute to the problem? This is not about victim-blaming or taking responsibility for other people’s actions, but recognizing that friendships are a dynamic between two people and being willing to own your part. For example: do you contribute to an unhealthy dynamic by not communicating when something bothers you, expecting your friend to read your mind, or being passive aggressive? You can’t control anyone but yourself, so it’s important to reflect on how your own actions could be improved for the benefit of all your relationships.

#3: Move Forward

Moving forward will look different for every person and scenario, and t here is no universal right or wrong way to proceed. The most important thing to keep in mind is that YOU get to choose what will work best for you. Your friend may want you to forget about the incident and just move on. Or maybe they recognize how much their behavior hurt you, have apologized, and are attempting to understand your point of view (even if it’s hard to hear). Regardless of what they want, don’t feel pressured to do something you’re not ready for, or be in a friendship you no longer feel is right for you. Keep the focus on yourself and your needs.

If you have done the emotional work and come to the conclusion that the healthiest option is to move on from the friendship, you have every right to make that choice. Even though it hurts tremendously now, take this experience as a lesson for what you don’t want in your friendships.

If you are considering giving your friend another chance, here are some questions to ask yourself first:

• If you tell them how their actions made you feel, will your friend be able to accept and listen, or will they get defensive, gaslight, or turn the blame on you? If they want to deny that they acted in a way that caused you pain, are they a safe person to have in your inner circle?
• If they apologized, do you feel in your gut that they are truly sorry? In her book The Power of Apology , therapist Beverly Engel outlines The Three R’s of a genuine apology: Regret (empathy for what you are feeling, acknowledging that their actions caused you pain), Responsibility (not making excuses or blaming others for their actions), and Remedy (expressing that they are willing to take action to make things right and repair the damage, including not repeating the harmful behavior).
• If you go back to being friends, are you willing to risk your friend betraying or otherwise harming you again? How will you respond if this happens?
• Are you staying in the friendship because you’re afraid of starting over or being alone? What would change if these fears were no longer a concern?
• Are they rushing you to “ get over it ” and let them off the hook for their actions? If so, how does this make you feel?
• Are you hoping that your friend will change, or can you accept them as-is?

I want to end by saying that you are worthy of the kinds of friendships you desire . Don’t let one, two, or a hundred bad experiences with the wrong people turn you off from finding the right ones.

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Website Privacy Policy I Website Terms & Conditions I Website Disclaimer This site is for informational purposes only. It isn’t intended to diagnose or treat any mental health problems and is not intended as psychological advice. © 2022 Gina Davis, PsyD. All rights reserved.

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An Open Letter To The Friend Who Betrayed Me

I believe that quality matters more than quantity when it comes to friends. I have a fairly wide social circle and a handful of super close girlfriends that I treasure. Recently, after four years of friendship, someone I considered a best friend started an out-of-the-blue fight with me. It was hurtful and shocking, and yet felt like something that was bound to happen when I stopped to think. Here’s an open letter to the friend who betrayed me – all the things I’ve been thinking about recently, and the things I would tell you if you were also going through a friendship breakup.

• Friends need to be on your side. Ultimately, what broke apart a years-long friendship was my confiding in her about some recent bad dates. Seems like a pretty normal thing to talk about with a BFF when you’re dating in your 20s, right? Apparently not, because this friend went nuts and called me some choice words. She accused me of stuff that was completely false and said more about her than it did about me. I realized that no matter what, your friends need to be on your side. They need to believe what you’re saying to them and support you. If they can’t, they’re not actually a friend.
• You can’t hide behind text messages. The same goes for the Internet. We all know how that works out – just watch an episode of Catfish . This fight took place over text and ultimately become pretty laughable. Would she have said those cruel things to my face? I don’t know and don’t really want to know. But just because you’re typing up words and sending them through your iPhone or on social media doesn’t mean they don’t have impact. The old saying may go “sticks and stones may break my bones” but guess what? Words do hurt. They have power and that power still exists over text messages and Facebook.
• You can’t take out your unhappiness on a friend. This person had definitely changed over the past year or so, and I ultimately realized that this weird fight was inevitable because she had become a totally different person. She was taking out her frustrations with life out on me and that’s a real shame. Unfortunately, this isn’t an isolated thing – these types of fights take place every single day between friends. If you’re hurting yet refuse to admit it and start treating people badly, that’s just not okay.
• You don’t need to take crap from anyone. When I sent a Facebook message to another best friend and told her what happened, her response was basically, “This is ridiculous. You don’t need to take her crap.” She was totally right. We don’t need to accept the crap that so-called friends throw our way – that’s not what friends are for. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, it’s okay to stop being friends with them.
• We’re all hurting. Sure, we may drink our green smoothies and Instagram our vegan lunch bowls and post inspirational messages on our social media accounts. But ultimately, we’re all hurting in one way or another. It was borderline hilarious that this person chose to insult me and accuse me of things that have nothing to do with me when all I had done was told her I was having a hard time. It’s more important than ever before to watch what you say to the people in your life. You never know what someone is facing.
• Words sting and linger. Two weeks later, I still can’t get those texts out of my head. They still hurt. It’s silly to think that we can just say whatever the hell we want just because we want to say it.
• Make sure you mean what you say. Did this girl try to cut me out of her life? Were her words carefully chosen so I would delete her from all social media and never talk to her again (which is basically what is happening)? Whether she meant for this to happen or not doesn’t really matter in the end – it still happened. But if you ever consider telling a friend what you really think about them, be careful. It’s probably not the best idea.
• Your time isn’t wasted. As soon as I deleted the latest text message, my mind immediately went to all the drinks, dinners in our apartments and restaurants, presents, stories, laughter, tears that we had shared over the years. It may seem like a waste of time because now the friendship is totally dead but I don’t think it’s a waste after all. It taught me how to be a good friend even this person wasn’t receptive and didn’t deserve it.
• Your real friends become obvious. That friend who I Facebooked with? She followed her dreams and is on a Morocco/Rome adventure right now and yet she still responded to me literally one minute later. I’m so grateful that she was there for me when it would have totally made sense if she took forever to respond. So even though this was a less than amazing experience, it definitely made me appreciate who my true friends are. They’re still here, they still exist, they’re still totally there for me. They’re the ones who matter.

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Betrayal Essay | Short Paragraph and Long Essay on Betrayal in English

July 22, 2021 by Prasanna

Betrayal Essay: Everybody commits errors in their day-to-day existence. In any case, there’s one thing that is something awful to do, Betray. Deceiving is exceptionally passionate and can hurt somebody profoundly (embarrass). Individuals typically lie now and again as well. In the book Uglies, the fundamental person lies and deceives her dearest companions. The book instructs us that we should feel remorseful about deceiving and should attempt to fix our betrayals.

Trust is established for connections. It requires a very long time to assemble, seconds to annihilate. All through life, an individual gives one’s trust to individuals she thinks often about. Betrayal. A demonstration of unfaithfulness. In a moment, all that was based on that common trust can be broken. It will all come disintegrating down with one mix-up. One demonstration of Betrayal.

You can read more  Essay Writing  about articles, events, people, sports, technology many more.

Short Paragraph on Betrayal

The closest companion is the individual you depend on the most. She’s somebody you would trust with your life, your mysteries, and your feelings. You gradually let her into your heart and the trust gathers over the long haul. A bond is framed over those mysteries, a kinship that will last. Never again is anything untouchable, and if that individual ever needs to talk, somebody will be there.

One second can transform everything. The individual you thought was your comrade ends up being a deceiver. The entirety of the mysteries and shared feelings are convoluted and utilized against you. Your shortcomings are played until you separate and are gradually destroyed. At last, the individual is perceived as the truth about. The entirety of the reports and the alleged untruths are valid. You, being the better individual, attempted to look past them, assuming the best about your companion. Yet, when reality comes out and the untruths begin to disentangle, what do you have left? When do you know to release a fellowship and when to hang on? Starting there on, all the trust you once had for your companion is gone and it can never be reconstructed.

At the point when you depend on somebody with your privileged insights, you are depending on her to respect them. Your sentiments ought to be brought into account in dynamic. Yet, when you are overlooked, deceived, there is no returning. The individual you however she was is gone. All that is left are sensations of hurt, addressing where you turned out badly and how excessively more forward. Unexpectedly, companionship is finished.

Long Essay on Betrayal

Betrayal is a word from Middle English and it was initially betrayed. There are numerous types of disloyalty, and it is entirely expected inside a culture to have shifting levels of discipline for double-crossing, the vast majority of which are somewhat extreme as it is viewed as one of the more difficult and unsympathetic demonstrations an individual may do.

Practically all selling out includes a type of deliberation, including if the double-crossing is through a demonstration of omittance. It includes utilizing the trust that has been developed and procured for individual use or gain. The trust is frequently broken once the double-crossing is plainly apparent.

It is viewed as an extreme demonstration since it is something beyond lying. Individuals may deceive to acquire trust to double-cross it, yet the truth of the matter is that lying on its own legitimacy isn’t just about as awful as disloyalty. An individual may deceive another with no type of trust existing, and the more trust that has been fabricated then the greater the double-crossing. There is frequently a measure of lying engaged with selling out, however, this isn’t generally the situation.

An individual may kill out of retribution or assist with facilitating enduring, yet since selling out requires trust and the breaking of that trust, it is viewed as more unsympathetic. An individual may comprehend a robbery to take care of a family, however, individuals once in a while comprehend a planned demonstration of building trust to break that trust for individual increase.

Assuming a trust has been set up, supporting the foe of the one that trusts are still disloyal. It is additionally selling out in the event that one uses the trust of one individual (or thing) to acquire the trust of someone else (or thing); the thing might be an organization or even a country. The more drawn out the trust is kept up with after the double-crossing, then, at that point the more serious the demonstration of Betrayal is.

Following six years of marriage, a lady may lay down with another man. This is a Betrayal on the grounds that there was a guarantee of monogamy, in addition to the inferred feelings and sentiments that are attached with the lady asserting she is infatuated are all important for guarantees dependent on trust. The lady says she has certain sensations of adoration to where she weds in a huge representative motion inferring she means to go through her life with only one man–both inwardly, truly and physically. These are generally the trust-building components, and the genuine issue is the place of Betrayal. If the man discovers, he has still been deceived. The selling out deteriorates the more drawn out the lady denies enlightening the man concerning her betrayal.

Betrayal is the demonstration of building trust and afterward utilizing that trust for individual addition. It frequently includes breaking the trust and regularly includes lying. Betrayal is anything that carries on the interest of a person or thing when that person or thing has been persuaded that would not occur.

FAQ’s on Betrayal Essay

Question 1. What is betrayal?

Answer: Betrayal is the demonstration of building trust and afterward utilizing that trust for individual increase. It regularly includes breaking the trust and frequently includes lying. Treachery is anything that carries on the interest of a person or thing when that person or thing has been persuaded that would not occur.

Question 2. What does betrayal do to a person?

Answer: The impacts of double-crossing incorporate shock, misfortune and distress, dreary pre-occupation, harmed confidence, self-questioning, outrage. Not rarely do they produce life-changing changes. The impacts of calamitous disloyalty are generally significant for uneasiness issues.

Question 3. What is an example of betrayal?

Answer: An illustration of a sell-out is the point at which you confess to insider facts and deceive trust. An illustration of a sell-out is the point at which you wheeze and your adversary is then ready to discover you. To convey under the control of a foe by injustice or extortion, infringing upon trust; to surrender misleadingly or irresolutely; as an official double-crossed the city.

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Betrayed by Your Best Friend? 6 Ways to Heal Your Heart

Psychology can help you explain and manage the pain of a friend's betrayal..

Posted January 14, 2018 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

Daphne was almost 40 when she came home to find her best friend, Jennifer, in bed with Daphne’s husband, Mike.* “I think it was the worst thing that had happened in my life,” she said. “I guess it was the double betrayal. Mike and Jennifer: Two people I completely trusted.”

Not every deception by a friend is as life-shattering as Daphne’s double whammy, but even the smallest can sting. Daphne is one of the women I spoke with as I gathered the information for my book I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women’s Lives. Others told me of a number of different ways that friends had betrayed them — sharing something they had told them in confidence , talking about them behind their backs, and lying to them were just a few examples.

Madeleine*, a recent college grad, said that she felt betrayed by a friend who had started dating and suddenly wasn’t available to chat or spend time with her. “I know that’s not fair,” Madeleine said. “She’s involved in a new relationship, and it’s normal not to have as much time as she used to. But it’s happened a few times, and the problem is, when the relationship is over, she sort of thinks I should be available to spend the same amount of time we used to spend. It doesn’t matter if I’m dating, or if I’ve got plans with other friends. I’m supposed to be at her beck and call.”

The psychologist Jeanne Safer describes a friend who betrayed her by becoming more and more self-centered, unable or unwilling to even ask questions about Safer’s life or experience. She writes, “Lost friends are as haunting as lost lovers, and just as hard to replace.” Some of the women I spoke with would have changed her comment to “even harder to replace.” Numerous women described experiences similar to Safer’s, with friends who could not tolerate or support them through an illness, or a divorce , or the loss of a spouse or child.

But in some cases, what feels like a betrayal is really more a change in life situation. Like Madeleine, you may have experienced a sense of betrayal when a friend married, began to have children, and/or became intensely involved in her work. Interestingly, many of the women also told me they felt bad that they had become less available for their friends, but said that their closest friends understood. “We’re all in the same boat, more or less,” said one woman in her early 30s. “We get together when we can, we talk on the phone, but it’s a lot less than it used to be.”

Another woman told me that she felt she had been a bad friend because she was so involved with her family and her career : “I felt like I left my friends behind. And I hurt some of them.”

Change and loss can feel like a betrayal, but it is not always meant that way. As we move through different life stages, it is not unusual that some of our friendships receive less attention . Further, being disillusioned by a friend is a normal and even expected part of a healthy developmental process.

Yet studies have found that we feel these changes are personal — that is, that they are specifically directed at us, which is what makes them sting so much. [ii] [iii] [iv] Julie Fitness, a psychologist who has studied and written about the impact of betrayal, puts it this way: “When those on whom we depend for love and support betray our trust, the feeling is like a stab at the heart that leaves us feeling unsafe, diminished, and alone.”

And this loss makes us more vulnerable physically as well as emotionally.

There are books galore about handling infidelity in a marriage . But what about when a friend is disloyal or unfaithful? What do you do when your best friend — or any friend — betrays you?

Here are some suggestions gleaned from the women I interviewed and from psychotherapists who write about these experiences:

1. Clarify the situation. Whether you are the betrayer or the betrayed, the damage can sometimes be temporary, with the disruptions folded into the fabric of a relationship without doing too much destruction. Sometimes, however, the fallout can be permanent and life-changing. In either case, how we interpret the rupture can add to or alleviate our pain.

What does that mean? Sometimes it means making sure that your interpretation is the same as your friend’s. For instance, Alice* felt abandoned by Deirdre*, her closest friend from childhood , who had stopped returning her phone calls. “I texted, emailed, and did everything I could short of going to her house and pounding on her door,” Alice said. “Eventually, I just decided that our friendship must be over. I was so hurt and angry and really kind of horrified.” But she felt worse when she discovered that Deirdre was in the throes of severe depression . “I finally did go over to her house and knocked until she let me in. She looked terrible. She wasn’t eating and hadn’t been out of the house for days,” Alice said. “I bundled her up and took her to the hospital. It wasn’t a betrayal. It was an illness.”

2. Accept and process your feelings. Once you have faced the painful truth of a betrayal and your own feelings about it, you can start to process the emotions — the good, the bad, and the ugly. After a betrayal, you will very likely have to manage a number of different emotions. Your feelings about what happened are not going to be static. Hurt may turn into anger or vice versa. Each phase will require different emotional and maybe even physical responses on your part. The key is to stay as honest with yourself as you can. And, when possible, to explain your thinking to the people who are important to you, although not necessarily to the person who hurt you.

3. Consider whether or not to process the feelings with the person who hurt you (or the person you hurt). Sometimes the person who betrayed you is around to help you process those feelings. In that case, it can be healing to talk about what happened. But sometimes she cannot join you in that work, or you may not want to open yourself up to the possibility of further injury, and that is okay too. The same is true when you have done the betraying. If your genuine apologies are not accepted, you may feel hurt and frustrated. In either case, you can still express your feelings, but maybe not to the friend. It is also perfectly okay if you want to act like things are fine, and you want your friend to do the same, although of course, this solution works best when it works best for both of you. Like Lillian on the show Bridesmaids , you might just want to say, “Why can't you be happy for me, and then go home and talk about me behind my back like a normal person?”

4. Decide whether or not you can forgive your friend. Daphne felt that she could not forgive her friend Jennifer: “It wasn’t just her, of course. Mike was part of it. And so was I. I mean, I had known for a while that something wasn’t right with our marriage, but I was afraid to address it. But that doesn’t mean that it was my fault. And I’m just not ready to put it all behind me and be kissy-face with either of them.” Safer says that sometimes not forgiving can be both freeing and allow you to move on. It can also help you remember the things that you did love about your friend.

But sometimes forgiving is also freeing. Madeleine found that she missed her friend and decided to accept her for who she was: “We have a great time together. And I’m really fond of her. So, I just have to know that she’s going to put whatever boyfriend she’s with first; that’s just who she is.”

5. Recognize that there is no single right way to handle a betrayal. What is crucial, however, is to recognize and acknowledge, at least to yourself, what you are feeling. Once you have done that, it is easier to find ways to cope with the experience that works best for you. If you do not have a clear sense of what you want to do, you might try talking or even acting out a possible conversation with someone you trust. Take the conversation as far as you can, and then let yourself sit with your feelings about that scenario. Then imagine the opposite. What would happen if you said nothing? How would that look and feel to you? After you have imagined several different scenarios, you will probably have an idea of what you feel most comfortable doing — or not doing — about the situation.

6. Remember that it may not be what it seems. This can mean trying not to take the hurtful actions personally, even when it seems that you are the intended victim. Daphne finally came to realize that the double betrayal by her husband and her best friend was not her fault. Sure, there were things she could have done differently, and ways that she could have been both a better wife and a better friend. But as another friend pointed out to her, their behavior had much more to do with their inner demons than with her. It might seem to you that a friend intentionally hurt you when she was thinking about her own problems, not you. Of course, her lack of consideration of your needs could be hurtful in and of itself, and you do have to deal with that. But stepping back and looking at the bigger picture can help. And turning to other friends can also be an invaluable way to help the injury heal and help you move on.

“It was an awful time,” Daphne said. “I wanted to withdraw from the world.” Because she felt that her children needed extra attention from her during the separation and divorce, she focused all of her attention on them. As a working mother, that meant she had little time to spare for herself, and even less for her friends. “But my friends wouldn’t let me bury myself in my work or my kids,” she said. "They arranged activities!” They would organize a movie day for all of the kids and the moms and insist I come. And then afterward, a couple of them would take the kids for pizza, and the others would take me back to someone’s home for a glass of wine. They knew I wouldn’t come if they just asked me that, but it’s really exactly what I need. I’m so lucky to have friends like this!”

*Names and personal information changed to protect privacy

Copyright @ fdbarth, 2018.

F. Diane Barth, I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women's Lives. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, Feb. 6, 2018

Jeanne Safer, “Broken Bridge,” Psychology Today , March/April 2016, p.43.

Warren H. Jones, Danny S. Moore, Arianne Schratter, & Laura A. Negel, “Interpersonal Transgressions and Betrayals,” Behaving badly: Aversive behaviors in interpersonal relationships , Robin M. Kowalski, (Ed.). (Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association, 2001): 233-256.

Julie Fitness, “Betrayal, Rejection, Revenge, and Forgiveness: An Interpersonal Script Approach. Interpersonal Rejection , M. Leary (Ed.). (New York: Oxford University Press, 2001):73-103 .

Mark R. Leary, Carrie Springer, Laura Negel, Emily Ansell, Kelly Evans, “The Causes, Phenomenology, and Consequences of Hurt Feelings,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 74 (1998): 1225-1237. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.74.5.1225

F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W. , is a psychotherapist, teacher, and author in private practice in New York City.

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At any moment, someone’s aggravating behavior or our own bad luck can set us off on an emotional spiral that threatens to derail our entire day. Here’s how we can face our triggers with less reactivity so that we can get on with our lives.

• Emotional Intelligence
• Gaslighting
• Affective Forecasting
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An open letter to the best friend who betrayed me, this is an open letter to the first close friend to stab me in the back..

It’s been awhile since we’ve spoken. I would like to be able to say that I’m not still angry and hurt by what you did, but that would be a lie. You were my best friend, we literally did everything together. Everybody knew that wherever one of us went the other was there too. Do you remember hanging out after school in your room? You would do my makeup and hair, because I’ve always been terrible at both. We would make videos together that were downright spastic. If anyone had witnessed our shenanigans, they would think we were insane. We had a bucket load of inside jokes and code words so we could talk about people without anyone knowing. Yes, most of the time we did act insane but it was ok because we were insane together.

Our friendship wasn’t perfect. We were both selfish, always out for our own gain rather than being there for each other. We had our differences, and boy were we different in some ways. I was a lot more quiet and reserved around strangers, while you had a constant loud and vibrant personality. I cared a lot more about my studies than you did. You saw things as black and white and I could see gray. You were quick tempered and I was more controlled.We always envied each other. I envied your natural ability to charm anyone you met, and you envied my confidence. Nevertheless, at one time we were true friends and we loved each other like sisters. We told each other everything and we were each others back bone. I taught you how to be tougher and you taught me how to be more outgoing. It meant something to me, and I guess I thought it did to you too.

When I learned that it was you that had cost me all my friends and my reputation, I was stunned. What had I done that was so terrible to you, that you could go behind my back and lie about me? It was the first time that anyone I had genuinely trusted betrayed me so brutally. Every single secret, every single aspect of my personality, everything I’d ever said or done was exposed for all the world to see. I was stripped to the bone in front of the entire student body. When you learned the popularity trash talking could earn you, you went rampant. All you ever wanted was to be like the popular crowd at our high school, that’s something you told me. When the opportunity presented itself you went for it, even if though it meant hurting a person who would never hurt you. So you spread lies, vicious lies that circulated like wildfire. You completely dismantled my reputation, and stuck knives so deep into my back I’m still pulling them out to this day. It ruined my concept of friendship. I have a hard time trusting any friend now a days and I will never blindly trust the way I did with you again.

It’s been two years since our falling out and the only thing I have to ask you now is, was it worth it? You threw away all those moments we spent together, all the laughs, all the tears. Every memory we’d ever had together went from a memory of happiness to a memory of anger and pain. Do you remember a couple weeks prior to this when we went to some Italian fair in NYC with your family, and afterwards we felt closer than ever? Do you remember all those times you confided in me your deepest secrets and I returned with no judgement? You threw it all away for a bunch of fake friends, who in the end wound up leaving you the way I never would. You wound up sitting alone at lunch. You wound up with your only friends being in another state because no one in our town would associate you. If you hadn’t done what you did I would feel sorry for you. If you hadn’t done what you did I would still be your best friend now. So was destroying your best friends life worth your 15 seconds of fame?

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25 beatles lyrics: your go-to guide for every situation, the best lines from the fab four.

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The End- Abbey Road, 1969

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Dear Prudence- The White Album, 1968

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

Because- Abbey Road, 1969

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

All You Need Is Love, 1967

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

We Can Work It Out- Rubber Soul, 1965

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Come Together- Abbey Road, 1969

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

I Wanna Hold Your Hand- Meet The Beatles!, 1964

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band-1967

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Strawberry Fields Forever- Magical Mystery Tour, 1967

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Rain- Paperback Writer "B" side, 1966

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

Here Comes The Sun- Abbey Road, 1969

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

Saw Her Standing There- Please Please Me, 1963

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

Michelle- Rubber Soul, 1965

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

Revolution- The Beatles, 1968

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Eleanor Rigby- Revolver, 1966

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

With A Little Help From My Friends- Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, 1967

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Hey Jude, 1968

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

Yesterday- Help!, 1965

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

Let It Be- Let It Be, 1970

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all i got to give if you say you'll love me too. i may not have a lot to give but what i got i'll give to you. i don't care too much for money. money can't buy me love.

Can't Buy Me Love- A Hard Day's Night, 1964

All you need is love, love is all you need

All You Need Is Love- Magical Mystery Tour, 1967

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird- The White Album, 1968

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

In My Life- Rubber Soul, 1965

While these are my 25 favorites, there are quite literally 1000s that could have been included. The Beatles' body of work is massive and there is something for everyone. If you have been living under a rock and haven't discovered the Fab Four, you have to get musically educated. Stream them on Spotify, find them on iTunes or even buy a CD or record (Yes, those still exist!). I would suggest starting with 1, which is a collection of most of their #1 songs, or the 1968 White Album. Give them chance and you'll never look back.

14 Invisible Activities: Unleash Your Inner Ghost!

Obviously the best superpower..

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

1. "Haunt" your friends.

Follow them into their house and cause a ruckus.

2. Sneak into movie theaters.

Going to the cinema alone is good for your mental health , says science

Considering that the monthly cost of subscribing to a media-streaming service like Netflix is oft...

Free movies...what else to I have to say?

3. Sneak into the pantry and grab a snack without judgment.

Late night snacks all you want? Duh.

4. Reenact "Hollow Man" and play Kevin Bacon.

America's favorite son? And feel what it's like to be in a MTV Movie Award nominated film? Sign me up.

5. Wear a mask and pretend to be a floating head.

Just another way to spook your friends in case you wanted to.

6. Hold objects so they'll "float."

"Oh no! A floating jar of peanut butter."

7. Win every game of hide-and-seek.

Just stand out in the open and you'll win.

8. Eat some food as people will watch it disappear.

Even everyday activities can be funny.

9. Go around pantsing your friends.

Even pranks can be done; not everything can be good.

10. Not have perfect attendance.

You'll say here, but they won't see you...

11. Avoid anyone you don't want to see.

Whether it's an ex or someone you hate, just use your invisibility to slip out of the situation.

12. Avoid responsibilities.

Chores? Invisible. People asking about social life? Invisible. Family being rude? Boom, invisible.

13. Be an expert on ding-dong-ditch.

Never get caught and have the adrenaline rush? I'm down.

14. Brag about being invisible.

Be the envy of the town.

But don't, I repeat, don't go in a locker room. Don't be a pervert with your power. No one likes a Peeping Tom.

Good luck, folks.

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned..

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

1. The importance of traditions.

Sometimes traditions seem like a silly thing, but the fact of it is that it's part of who you are. You grew up this way and, more than likely, so did your parents. It is something that is part of your family history and that is more important than anything.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

No matter how many times they get on your nerves or make you mad, they are the ones who will always be there and you should never take that for granted.

3. How to give back.

When tragedy strikes in a small town, everyone feels obligated to help out because, whether directly or indirectly, it affects you too. It is easy in a bigger city to be able to disconnect from certain problems. But in a small town those problems affect everyone.

4. What the word "community" really means.

Along the same lines as #3, everyone is always ready and willing to lend a helping hand when you need one in a small town and to me that is the true meaning of community. It's working together to build a better atmosphere, being there to raise each other up, build each other up, and pick each other up when someone is in need. A small town community is full of endless support whether it be after a tragedy or at a hometown sports game. Everyone shows up to show their support.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

People say this to others all the time, but it takes on a whole new meaning in a small town. It is true that life is about the journey, but when you're from a small town, you know it's about the journey because the journey probably takes longer than you spend at the destination. Everything is so far away that it is totally normal to spend a couple hours in the car on your way to some form of entertainment. And most of the time, you're gonna have as many, if not more, memories and laughs on the journey than at the destination.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

Word travels fast in a small town, so don't think you're gonna get away with anything. In fact, your parents probably know what you did before you even have a chance to get home and tell them. And forget about being scared of what your teacher, principle, or other authority figure is going to do, you're more afraid of what your parents are gonna do when you get home.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

Everyone deserves a chance. Most people don't have ill-intentions and you can't live your life guarding against every one else just because a few people in your life have betrayed your trust.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

While small towns are not always extremely diverse, they do contain people with a lot of different stories, struggle, and backgrounds. In a small town, it is pretty hard to exclude anyone because of who they are or what they come from because there aren't many people to choose from. A small town teaches you that just because someone isn't the same as you, doesn't mean you can't be great friends.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

In a small town, you learn that it's okay to be who you are and do your own thing. You learn that confidence isn't how beautiful you are or how much money you have, it's who you are on the inside.

10. How to work for what I want.

Nothing comes easy in life. They always say "gardens don't grow overnight" and if you're from a small town you know this both figuratively and literally. You certainly know gardens don't grow overnight because you've worked in a garden or two. But you also know that to get to the place you want to be in life it takes work and effort. It doesn't just happen because you want it to.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

If you're from a small town, you know that you will probably only meet a handful of people in your life who ACTUALLY know where your town is. And forget about the people who accidentally enter into your town because of google maps. You've gotten really good at giving them directions right back to the interstate.

12. How to be humble .

My small town has definitely taught me how to be humble. It isn't always about you, and anyone who grows up in a small town knows that. Everyone gets their moment in the spotlight, and since there's so few of us, we're probably best friends with everyone so we are as excited when they get their moment of fame as we are when we get ours.

13. To be well-rounded.

Going to a small town high school definitely made me well-rounded. There isn't enough kids in the school to fill up all the clubs and sports teams individually so be ready to be a part of them all.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

In a small town, good luck holding a grudge. In a bigger city you can just avoid a person you don't like or who you've had problems with. But not in a small town. You better resolve the issue fast because you're bound to see them at least 5 times a week.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

One of my favorite things about growing up in a rural area was being able to go outside and go exploring and not have to worry about being in danger. There is nothing more exciting then finding a new place somewhere in town or in the woods and just spending time there enjoying the natural beauty around you.

16. To be prepared for anything.

You never know what may happen. If you get a flat tire, you better know how to change it yourself because you never know if you will be able to get ahold of someone else to come fix it. Mechanics might be too busy , or more than likely you won't even have enough cell service to call one.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

It's okay to ask for help. One thing I realized when I moved away from my town for college, was how much my town has taught me that I could ask for help is I needed it. I got into a couple situations outside of my town where I couldn't find anyone to help me and found myself thinking, if I was in my town there would be tons of people ready to help me. And even though I couldn't find anyone to help, you better believe I wasn't afraid to ask.

18. How to be creative.

When you're at least an hour away from normal forms of entertainment such as movie theaters and malls, you learn to get real creative in entertaining yourself. Whether it be a night looking at the stars in the bed of a pickup truck or having a movie marathon in a blanket fort at home, you know how to make your own good time.

19. To brush off gossip.

It's all about knowing the person you are and not letting others influence your opinion of yourself. In small towns, there is plenty of gossip. But as long as you know who you really are, it will always blow over.

Grateful Beyond Words: A Letter to My Inspiration

I have never been so thankful to know you..

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

You have taught me that you don't always have to strong. You are allowed to break down as long as you pick yourself back up and keep moving forward. When life had you at your worst moments, you allowed your friends to be there for you and to help you. You let them in and they helped pick you up. Even in your darkest hour you showed so much strength. I know that you don't believe in yourself as much as you should but you are unbelievably strong and capable of anything you set your mind to.

Your passion to make a difference in the world is unbelievable. You put your heart and soul into your endeavors and surpass any personal goal you could have set. Watching you do what you love and watching you make a difference in the lives of others is an incredible experience. The way your face lights up when you finally realize what you have accomplished is breathtaking and I hope that one day I can have just as much passion you have.

SEE MORE: A Letter To My Best Friend On Her Birthday

The love you have for your family is outstanding. Watching you interact with loved ones just makes me smile . You are so comfortable and you are yourself. I see the way you smile when you are around family and I wish I could see you smile like this everyday. You love with all your heart and this quality is something I wished I possessed.

You inspire me to be the best version of myself. I look up to you. I feel that more people should strive to have the strength and passion that you exemplify in everyday life.You may be stubborn at points but when you really need help you let others in, which shows strength in itself. I have never been more proud to know someone and to call someone my role model. You have taught me so many things and I want to thank you. Thank you for inspiring me in life. Thank you for making me want to be a better person.

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life..

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Don't freak out

This is a rule you should continue to follow no matter what you do in life, but is especially helpful in this situation.

Email the professor

Around this time, professors are getting flooded with requests from students wanting to get into full classes. This doesn't mean you shouldn't burden them with your email; it means they are expecting interested students to email them. Send a short, concise message telling them that you are interested in the class and ask if there would be any chance for you to get in.

Attend the first class

Often, the advice professors will give you when they reply to your email is to attend the first class. The first class isn't the most important class in terms of what will be taught. However, attending the first class means you are serious about taking the course and aren't going to give up on it.

Keep attending class

Every student is in the same position as you are. They registered for more classes than they want to take and are "shopping." For the first couple of weeks, you can drop or add classes as you please, which means that classes that were once full will have spaces. If you keep attending class and keep up with assignments, odds are that you will have priority. Professors give preference to people who need the class for a major and then from higher to lower class year (senior to freshman).

Have a backup plan

For two weeks, or until I find out whether I get into my waitlisted class, I will be attending more than the usual number of classes. This is so that if I don't get into my waitlisted class, I won't have a credit shortage and I won't have to fall back in my backup class. Chances are that enough people will drop the class, especially if it is very difficult like computer science, and you will have a chance. In popular classes like art and psychology, odds are you probably won't get in, so prepare for that.

Remember that everything works out at the end

Life is full of surprises. So what if you didn't get into the class you wanted? Your life obviously has something else in store for you. It's your job to make sure you make the best out of what you have.

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Betrayed Trust: A Painful Chapter in My Life

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My friends betrayed me and now I trust no one

I thought i was getting over it, but i'm reverting to anxious, self-destructive habits, by cary tennis.

I recently experienced some serious betrayal. My best friend told some pretty big lies (laced with some small truths) to my "person." He wasn't my boyfriend (we broke up after two years because he couldn't even admit that he loved me) but he was the biggest part of my life. Anyway, so my best friend told him some heinous things about me and he cut off all contact with me, changed his phone number, etc. He didn't even ask me for the truth. And my friend lied to my face and swore she did not tell him. Unfortunately, the small truths she interspersed with the lies were facts only known to her, and she'd threatened to tell him before, once, when she was angry with me.

I moved, I did the stuff exchange, I said good riddance to both of them and have tried to move on. I mean, with friends like these, who needs enemies? I am fortunate enough to have lots of good people in my life who have stood by me -- a good family, good friends who didn't believe the lies, etc. On the outside, I have moved on.

But it's midnight and I am sitting in my car writing this, listening to "Both Sides Now" by Joni Mitchell on repeat. Things are not OK. I am not OK. The two people I have loved the most over these past five years are gone. And I don't even really know why. I spend lots of money I don't have, I don't sleep, the eating disorder I have worked so hard to beat is rearing its head, and I feel like every day I am putting on a show - -- even, sometimes, for myself. I tell myself that I am better off, that things are looking up, I go to a therapist who encourages me to stay present, I run, I listen to happy songs and try to get outside as much as I can. But the heart wants what it wants, and what it wants is to not feel like love is a sham.

I am scared to trust people. I am scared to let anyone really know how much I am hurting -- I am afraid that they will hurt me or leave me too. I am ashamed that I was fucked over this badly -- ashamed that I still, for all intents and purposes -- don't have a clue as to why this happened, as to what I could have done to deserve the calumny of betrayal, and worse the lack of trust (why didn't he just come to me? I could have told the truth!).

I don't think there's anything to be done that isn't already being done, but I'd love some perspective if you have it.

Thank you, Cary,

Both Sides Now

Dear Both Sides Now,

Love is not a sham. Some people are untrustworthy, but not all people. Some people are very trustworthy. So you are in a painful situation, but you have done some good things and all you need to do now is take care of yourself and do the things you are doing, and be patient and pay attention and not go off the rails while you heal. What your therapist says makes sense: Stay present.

Staying present is the big game. The "why" may or may not come. Many people's actions are beyond our understanding. It is our own actions that become clear over time: We come to see how we ended up in the sphere of untrustworthy souls. We see how they led us in, how they trapped us. We see what it was about them that fooled us into thinking they would be loyal.

And we learn how to take care of ourselves after something like this. We learn what lines of thought are helpful and which ones lead to further anxiety. It is tempting to wonder what we could have done differently and why people did what they did, but that is not a very helpful course in the early months. In the early months it's good to take care of yourself.

Can you take some time off? It's hard to get back to ourselves when we are so taken out of ourselves by work, family, bills, routine, responsibilities, worries, interruptions, etc. I believe in taking the occasional day to give yourself a break. If you pay attention to the benevolent forces of nature around you, such as trees, clouds and rain, mountains and forests, grasses and flowers, it will become apparent how much you are still part of a much larger world that does enfold you and embrace you. Human betrayals shrink in comparison.

What will come out of this is a better understanding of yourself. Eventually you will see how certain traits in these people led you into their orbit. You will see how certain things they offered awakened your own unknown hungers. You will see how there may have been warning signs. You will see patterns and learn to protect yourself. This will happen. And if you do this gradually, with some grace and some faith that you're going to be OK, then the scarring will be minimal; you won't go into that rigid, protective crouch that we sometimes find ourselves in after a difficult emotional scene; you won't come to flinch at the least hint of intimacy. If you take it gradually, and just heal, and stay present, you will heal wholly.

Take your time. Answers will come.

What? You want more advice?

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Home — Essay Samples — Literature — The Odyssey — Loyalty as Defined in the Odyssey

Loyalty as Defined in The Odyssey

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Published: Jun 13, 2024

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The duty of loyalty, the test of loyalty, the betrayal of loyalty.

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The ultimate LGBTQ+ booklist for Pride Month 2024

Whether you are a member of the community, an ally, new to queer literature, or are simply looking for your next great read, we've got you covered with this lgbtq+ booklist..

By Annie Jonas

Research shows that reading fiction increases a person’s cognitive empathy, which is the understanding of the world from another person’s point of view. By putting yourself in someone else’s shoes – however temporarily – you can learn and understand experiences and perspectives both different and similar to your own.

Ocean Vuong offers to send free copies of his book to Texas following ban

With June being Pride Month, the act of reading can be a powerful and immersive way to celebrate the LGBTQ+ community and its history. Whether you are a member of the community, an ally, would like to read more queer literature, or are simply looking for your next great read, we’ve got you covered with this LGBTQ+ booklist. 

We asked our readers and local booksellers to share their favorite LGBTQ+ books, authors and recommendations for this Pride Month. The booklist generated from their responses spans a diversity of genres such as memoir, literary fiction, diary, humor, horror, young adult, romance, and the graphic novel.

Below, find 39 LGBTQ+ titles from readers and booksellers you should read this Pride Month.

Reader recommendations

“all boys aren’t blue: a memoir-manifesto” by george m. johnson.

In a series of personal essays, prominent journalist and LGBTQIA+ activist George M. Johnson’s “All Boys Aren’t Blue” explores the trials and triumphs faced by Black queer boys.

Readers say: “Black, queer voices need to be heard by not only straight people but also white queer people.” –  Eddie, Roslindale

“Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe” by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

Heart-wrenching yet hopeful, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe is a profound coming-of-age story about two vastly different Mexican American teenagers who form a deep and somewhat inexplicable connection.

Readers say: “Tells such a beautiful story of young love! A story about learning to accept yourself, others around you, and opening yourself up to feelings that may be new to you. So well-written, and definitely one of my favorite LGBTQ+ books.” – Chris, Roxbury

“The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo” by Taylor Jenkins Reid

“The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo” is a historical drama novel that tells the story of fictional Old Hollywood star, Evelyn Hugo, who, at age 79, gives a final interview to unknown journalist, Monique Grant.

“The Tales of the City” series by Armistead Maupin

Tales of the City is an iconic series of ten novels written by American author Armistead Maupin from 1978 to 2024, depicting the life of a group of friends — gay, straight, and trans — in San Francisco.

Readers say: “Tales of the City was the first LGBTQ+ book I came across when I was growing up in the 1990s. At the time, I was watching Melrose Place and I viewed this book as a more accurate representation of what life was like in California in the 1970s. Soapy, warm, funny, and heart wrenching.” –  Jayson C., Back Bay

“Valentine Lovelace Mystery” series by Nathan Aldyne

Two misfit sleuths search for a street hustler’s killer in this mystery series debut first published in 1980 and set in Boston’s gay scene. Daniel Valentine is a gay bartender and former social worker. Clarisse Lovelace is his straight pal who works in real estate. They make an unconventional investigative duo — but sometimes unconventional is exactly what’s called for. When Billy Golacinsky, a teenage street hustler, is found dead on the lawn of a homophobic lawmaker, everyone wants the case swept under the rug. Everyone except Valentine and Lovelace. Now they’re combing through Boston’s gay scene — from bars to bathhouses — in a time before AIDS, yet full of other dangers.

Readers say: “This four-book murder mystery series is set in 1980s Massachusetts – with three books set in Boston and the fourth in Provincetown. Gay social worker turned bar owner Daniel Valentine and his straight best friend Clarisse Lovelace find themselves at the center of multiple murders in their gay social group. Written by Beetlejuice screenwriter Michael McDowell, under the pseudonym Nathan Aldyne, the books offer a campy yet heartfelt time capsule of gay life in the Commonwealth 40 years prior.” –  Will W., Dorchester

“We Are Mermaids” by Stephanie Burt

“We Are Mermaids” is a poetry collection in which Burt’s poems take on the voice of a thing or things: an airplane, a whale, geysers, flowers, otters, X-Men, sparrows, and werewolves, for example. 

Readers say : “Shed your Selkie skin and dive right into this entrancing book of poetry. Holy sea cow – Burt puts the ‘MAN’ in manatee.” – Polly T., Jamaica Plain

Bookseller recommendations

“a psalm for the wild-built” by becky chambers.

“This is the book I turn to after spiraling over climate change and the whole state of things. Cozy solarpunk with a nonbinary tea monk narrator; philosophical agender robots; lush descriptions of nature; kind, sustainable technology… it all seems so possible. Both beautiful and quick, a perfect teatime read.” – Evie Bauer, bookseller, Papercuts Bookshop

“Bad Girls” by Camila Sosa Villada

“Sosa Villada’s novel reads like a Greek epic, starring the trans sex workers of Córdoba, Argentina. It’s full of epic similes, invocations of saints, and occasional metamorphoses. Ultimately, it’s a hero’s journey of a narrator longing to return to the love denied her since her youth. Bad Girls doesn’t shy away from the violence and horror of a transphobic society  – but it nevertheless paints a portrait of love that community and found family can provide.” – Maxim Tamarov, bookseller, Papercuts Bookshop

“Bathe the Cat” by Alice B. McGinty, David Roberts  

“Bathe the floor? Sweep the dishes? This riotous romp of a picture book follows a frantic family as they try to get some chores done — with no help from the family cat, who keeps scrambling the list of chores with hilarious effects.” – Alex Schaffner, community engagement coordinator, Brookline Booksmith

“Between Certain Death and a Possible Future” by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore

“An enthralling and incisive anthology of personal essays on the persistent impact of the AIDS crisis on queer lives. This wide-ranging collection includes 36 personal essays on the ongoing and persistent impact of the HIV/AIDS crisis in queer lives. Here you will find an expansive range of perspectives on a specific generational story — essays that explore and explode conventional wisdom, while also providing a necessary bridge between experiences.” – Alex Schaffner, community engagement coordinator, Brookline Booksmith

“Enlightened Transsexual Comix” by Sam Szabo

“An outlandish, absurd graphic novel debut starring a 3-eyed, 3-boobed, rarely-clothed alien protagonist with some radical ideas about gender. Prepare to bookmark every other page – the jokes just do not stop. But by the end, this biting satire also becomes something deeply sincere and heartfelt.” – Avery Batsimm, Papercuts Bookshop

“Fadeout” by Joseph Hansen  

“Published fifty years ago, a time when being gay was illegal in 49 out of 50 states, Joseph Hansen’s first Dave Brandstetter novel shattered stereotypes and redefined the Private Eye novel as we know it. Set in the mid-1960s, “Fadeout” centers on the disappearance of a southern California radio personality named Fox Olson.”  – Alex Schaffner, community engagement coordinator, Brookline Booksmith

“Faebound” by Saara El-Arifi

“Fans of Cruel Prince and Eragon will love this sapphic Africana fantasy full of warring clans, political intrigue, and seduction! Fast-paced and expansive, this magic system and society are unlike any other. Prepare for betrayal, existential crises, and bad decisions as you join Yeeran on and off the battlefield.” – Sarah Heilman, bookseller, All She Wrote Books

“Greta & Valdin” by Rebecca Reilly

“This book is hilarious. I laughed out loud to myself throughout. Nearly every character is queer, and their experiences are each so varied and fleshed out that their voices will stick with you long after you’ve closed the book. There aren’t that many books available here in the US set in New Zealand by NZ authors, let alone ones by a Maori author focused on a contemporary Maori-Russian family, and this one is a gem!” – Emma Tolerton, bookseller, Papercuts Bookshop

“Hearts Still Beating” by Brooke Archer

“When given a chance to start over, why does humanity repeat the same pattern over and over again? In this dark and immersive post-apocalyptic landscape, society’s fear of the “other” is broken down by two ex-best friends on opposing sides. Because we all know that when you need to change society, you call a teenager. Full of banter and poor leadership, this book might actually give you some hope!” — Sarah Heilman, bookseller, All She Wrote Books

“Horse Barbie: A Memoir of Reclamation” by Geena Roce ro

“This is the memoir of a trans pageant queen from the Philippines who went back into the closet to model in New York City, and later found self-acceptance by embracing her true self. This award-winner has love – for oneself as well as one’s communities – at its center, and is such an uplifting read that it also appears on BPL’s Asian/Pacific American Heritage Month booklist!” – Morgan H., youth services librarian, Boston Public Library

“Idlewild” by James Frankie Thomas

“A darkly funny story of two adults looking back on their intense teenage friendship, in a queer, trans, and early-Internet twist on the Manhattan prep school novel. Idlewild is a tiny, artsy Quaker high school in lower Manhattan.” – Alex Schaffner, community engagement coordinator, Brookline Booksmith

“ I Kissed Shara Wheeler” by Casey McQuiston

“This was a really fun read! I would have loved to read something like this when I was in high school and it’s never too late! Chloe Green teams up with two others who also kissed Shara Wheeler to track her down using clues left by Shara. Along the way we explore friendship, gender, and teen-hood while our characters learn more about themselves than they expected.” – Emma Tolerton, bookseller, Papercuts Bookshop

“Inferno” by Eileen Myles

“Finally! Dante’s Divine Comedy for weird dykes who like writing. Michelle Tea fans should read.” – Evie Bauer, bookseller, Papercuts Bookshop

“Just Lizzie” by Karen Wilfrid

“Eighth grader Lizzie doesn’t share her peers’ preoccupation with flirting and crushes, and it makes her feel lonely. A science lesson on asexual reproduction in plants prompts Lizzie to look up whether people can also be asexual, and she learns that she’s not alone at all. Wilfrid is from the Greater Boston area, and we love spotlighting local authors! We enjoyed the sweet characters almost as much as we enjoyed the excellent ace-spectrum representation.” – Morgan H., youth services librarian, Boston Public Library

“Knock, Knock, Open Wide” by Neil Sharpson  

“‘Knock Knock, Open Wide'”‘ weaves horror and Celtic myth into a terrifying, heartbreaking supernatural tale of fractured family bonds, the secrets we carry, and the veiled forces that guide Irish life.” – Alex Schaffner, community engagement coordinator, Brookline Booksmith

“Lady Eve’s Last Con” by Rebecca Fraimow 

“Ruth Johnson and her sister Jules have been small-time hustlers on the interstellar cruise lines for years. But then Jules fell in love with one of their targets, Esteban Mendez-Yuki, sole heir to the family insurance fortune. Esteban seemed to love her too, until she told him who she really was, at which point he fled without a word. Now Ruth is set on revenge – at least that’s the plan. But Ruth hadn’t accounted for his older sister, Sol, a brilliant mind in a dashing suit… and much harder to fool.” – Alex Schaffner, community engagement coordinator, Brookline Booksmith

“Not One Day” by Anne Garreta

“A book in/on the delicate balance between fiction and nonfiction. Garreta’s prose on desire and exploration of memory is wonderful, and Emma Ramadan remains a fantastic translator. There’s much more going on here, but it’s better if I don’t spoil the twist.” – Evie Bauer, bookseller, Papercuts Bookshop

“Open Throat” by Henry Hoke

“This little book packs a big punch. Narrated by a queer mountain lion living in Griffith Park in ‘ellay’ navigating, hunger, drought, complex feelings about gender and sexuality, and the park’s human visitors. Endearing and brutal (and at times funny), it is a searing commentary on humanity, climate change, and simply being alive. I had the urge to re-read it as soon as I finished.” – Emma Tolerton, bookseller, Papercuts Bookshop

“Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl” by Andrea Lawlor

“Far and away one of my fave queer novels. 90s magical realism, shapeshifting and smut galore. Accompany Paul as he travels to the Michigan Womyn’s Fest, P-Town, and San Francisco. Fun and heart breaking in equal measure.” – Evie Bauer, bookseller, Papercuts Bookshop

“Pig” by Sam Sax  

“This imaginative and singular poetry collection interrogates the broadest ideas surrounding the humble pig—farm animal, men/masculinity, police and state violence, desire, queerness, global food systems, religion/Judaism and law—to reimagine various chaotic histories of the body, faith, ecology, desire, hygiene, and power.” – Alex Schaffner, community engagement coordinator, Brookline Booksmith

“Pomegranate” by Helen Elaine Le e

“A gripping and powerful novel of healing, redemption, and love, following a queer Black woman who works to stay clean, pull her life together, and heal after being released from prison in Boston. It’s always such a treat to read books set in our city! This one balances joy with heavier topics like addiction and incarceration in a truly masterful way.” – Morgan H., youth services librarian, Boston Public Library

“Roaming” by Jillian Tamaki and Mariko Tama ki

“Roaming is a fictional graphic novel written by Mariko Tamaki and illustrated by Jillian Tamaki, and published on September 12, 2023. The novel follows three Canadian college students visiting New York City for a spring break trip in 2009.”  – Alex Schaffner, Brookline Booksmith

“Scorched Grace: A Sister Holiday Mystery” by Margot Douaih y

“A lesbian, former punk rocker now Catholic nun in New Orleans decides to be a sleuth detective after a mystery fire breaks out at her catholic school. You had me at lesbian, former punk rocker turned nun!” – Christina Pascucci-Ciampa, Owner, All She Wrote Books

“The Borrow a Boyfriend Club” by Page Powars

“In order to convince his classmates (and himself) that he’s masculine enough, Noah attempts to join the Borrow a Boyfriend Club, an underground club that allows students to pay for a pretend boyfriend. This is one of my new favorite books! My coworkers and I adore the humor, the character development, the nostalgia of a first crush, and how friendship plays just as important a role as romance. This is also a debut novel, and I’m already excited to read what Powars writes next!” – Morgan H., youth services librarian, Boston Public Library

“The Deep Dark: A Graphic Novel” by Molly Knox Osterta g

“This book will reach INTO your chest. Generational trauma, familial and romantic relationships, metaphorical closets and coming out, self-sabotage, what it’s like to be young and queer/trans, and how all of these things affect us. This story has a lot to say, and it does it magnificently.” – Alex Mancini, buyer, All She Wrote Books

“The Princess and the Grilled Cheese Sandwich” by Deya Muniz

“Queer romance! Cross-dressing! So so so many cheese puns! The perfect middle grade graphic novel for anyone who wishes princess stories had less men saving the day and more grilled cheese.” – Avery Batsimm, bookseller, Papercuts Bookshop

“The Saint of Bright Doors” by Vajra Chandrasekera

“The Saint of Bright Doors’ is a 2023 fantasy novel by Sri Lankan author Vajra Chandrasekera. The novel follows the story of a man trained from a young age to assassinate a prominent spiritual leader, in a fictional city with supernatural ‘bright doors.’ In 2024, the novel won the Crawford Award for fantasy literature.”  – Alex Schaffner, Brookline Booksmith

“The Spirit Bares Its Teeth” by A.J. White

“YA gothic horror set in 19th century England, starring a trans boy who can commune with the dead! This book will make you scream, with terror (only read if you can stomach body horror), with rage (the British Empire really was the absolute worst), and sometimes even with joy. Silas is an incredibly lovable protagonist (trans and autism representation!) and I just want to give him a hug and tell him everything’s going to be okay.” – Avery Batsimm, bookseller, Papercuts Bookshop

“They Ain’t Proper” by M.B. Gu el

“Non-binary rancher Lou orders house plans but receives a mail-order wife instead. They’d rather Clementine leave them alone, but she’s determined to get them to open up. If you’ve ever wanted to try reading a Western but are put off by the lack of diversity, this is the book for you – not only is it queer, but the cast is almost entirely Latine! Both laugh-out-loud funny and heartwarmingly tender, this work has become a comfort read for many of us.” – Morgan H., youth services librarian, Boston Public Library

“This Is How You Lose the Time War” by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladston e

“This book has everything: gorgeous, brain-melting prose, time-breaking sci-fi, and a beautiful sapphic love story at its center. It’s also an epistolary, and a collaboration between two writers at the top of their games, trading letters back and forth. And all that in under 200 pages!” – Avery Batsimm, bookseller, Papercuts Bookshop

“We Both Laughed in Pleasure” by Lou Sullivan  

“Sullivan kept comprehensive journals from age 11 until his AIDS-related death at 39. Sensual, lascivious, challenging, quotidian and poetic, the diaries complicate and disrupt normative trans narratives. Entries from twenty-four diaries reveal Sullivan’s self-articulation and the complexity of a fascinating and courageous figure.” – Alex Schaffner, Brookline Booksmith

“Women! In! Peril!” by Jessie Ren Marshall

“LOVED this book so much! Strong ‘Her Body and Other Parties’ vibes, and I am a sucker for good short stories, especially the stories that stick with you, and leave you with all the feels (bad, good, and indifferent).” – Christina Pascucci-Ciampa, owner, All She Wrote Books

“Zami” by Audre Lorde  

“‘Zami: A New Spelling of My Name’ is a 1982 biomythography by American poet Audre Lorde. It started a new genre that the author calls biomythography, which combines history, biography, and myth.” – Alex Schaffner, Brookline Booksmith

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95 episodes

Smoke Screen is an investigative documentary series on people with complex motives and morals. Follow characters on the fringes of society — con artists, cult leaders, corrupt politicians — as they seduce their marks and bend communities to their will. Join us as we unravel their stories and bring justice to the people they’ve deceived. SEASON 9: My Friend, the Serial Killer In the 1970s, Steve Fishman was an intern at his local newspaper, when one day he hitched a ride back from Boston with Robert Carr III, better known as “Red.” Red seemed trustworthy enough, but he was hiding a secret: by the time he had picked up Steve, he had already killed three people—and all of his prior victims were hitchhikers themselves. Unlock all episodes of Smoke Screen, ad-free, by subscribing to The Binge. Plus, get binge access to brand new stories dropping on the first of every month. Just click ‘Subscribe’ on the top of the Smoke Screen show page on Apple Podcasts or visit GetTheBinge.com to get access wherever you listen. SEASON 8: My Fugitive Dad Ashley’s Dad was her favorite person in the world. He drove fast cars and sold them for a living. He was a scratch golfer and the love of her Mum’s life. Ashley thought she knew him better than anyone. But at 38, she found out he wasn’t who he said he was. Inspired by his favorite movie the Thomas Crown Affair, he had pulled off a robbery in Cleveland then disappeared. It turns out he evaded the authorities for half a century, living in their sleepy Massachusetts town. His secret upended his family’s life, but another family’s too. Because from the moment this 20-year-old vault teller escaped with $215,000 in 1969, Deputy U.S. Marshal John Elliott made it his life’s mission to bring him to justice. After he retired, his son even took up his mantle. For this six episode podcast, host Jonathan Hirsch teams up with Ashley Randele to unravel the mystery of how her Dad got away with it, and ultimately, why he left behind everyone and everything to start over. SEASON 7: Betrayal on the Bayou For almost two decades, DEA Special Agent Chad Scott ruled the streets just North of New Orleans. He controlled a network of snitches by convincing people he arrested to work for him as informants. Chad would stop at nothing to put drug dealers behind bars. His successes won awards at the DEA, but his willingness to bend the rules earned him a terrifying reputation on the streets. Some called him the Golden Boy. Others called him the White Devil. But when one of guys on Chad's team is caught dealing drugs, Chad’s life is overturned. His right-hand men betray him and confess everything to the FBI. Investigators go over his career with a fine-toothed comb, asking the question: is Chad Scott the greatest DEA Agent in the South, or is he a criminal?  SEASON 6: Just Say You're Sorry Texas Ranger James Holland is celebrated as the ‘serial killer whisperer’, solving dozens of murders through his legendary interrogation skills. But how far does he go to get confessions? And has he put innocent people in prison along the way? Smoke Screen: Just Say You're Sorry uses shocking police tapes to reveal the psychological drama behind one murder case, and uncovers something rotten at the heart of the justice system. SEASON 5: Deadly Cure Smoke Screen: Deadly Cure is a podcast about a family on the fringe who convinced tens of thousands of people across the globe to buy a miracle liquid made of poison, the international conspiracy they ignited, and the people who fought to take them down. Produced in collaboration with Bloomberg. SEASON 4: Puppy Kingpin SEASON 3: The Sellout SEASON 2: I Am Rama SEASON 1: Fake Priest

Smoke Screen: My Friend, the Serial Killer The Binge

• 4.0 • 2.4K Ratings

Listen on Apple Podcasts Requires subscription and macOS 11.4 or higher

• JUN 3, 2024

My Friend, the Serial Killer | 1. Local Man

Steve Fishman is an intern at his local Connecticut newspaper and a regular hitchhiker. When one of his hitched rides comes to an unnerving conclusion, Steve shrugs it off—until weeks later, when the news breaks that the driver he rode with has confessed to being a serial killer who preys on hitchhikers. Steve sees the chance to get the scoop of a lifetime: a killer’s story, Who better to tell it than someone who almost became one of his victims? Unlock all episodes of Smoke Screen: My Friend, the Serial Killer, ad-free, right now by subscribing to The Binge. Plus, get binge access to brand new stories dropping on the first of every month  thats all episodes, all at once, all ad-free. Just click Subscribe on the top of the Smoke Screen show page on Apple Podcasts or visit GetTheBinge.com to get access wherever you get your podcasts. An Orbit Media & Sony Music Entertainment production in association with Rhyme Media. Find out more about The Binge and other podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts and follow us @sonypodcasts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• JUN 10, 2024

My Friend, the Serial Killer | 2. Confessions

Steve dives deeper into the details of the killer’s life, reaching out to his wife and daughter in an attempt to secure an exclusive interview with the killer in prison. Meanwhile, the Florida police dig into the grisly details of the killer’s crimes… but if they want to hold the killer accountable, they are going to need evidence.   This episode will be released for free on June 10th.    Unlock all episodes of Smoke Screen: My Friend, the Serial Killer, ad-free, right now by subscribing to The Binge. Plus, get binge access to brand new stories dropping on the first of every month  thats all episodes, all at once, all ad-free.   Just click Subscribe on the top of the Smoke Screen show page on Apple Podcasts or visit GetTheBinge.com to get access wherever you get your podcasts.   An Orbit Media & Sony Music Entertainment production in association with Rhyme Media.   Find out more about The Binge and other podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts and follow us @sonypodcasts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• JUN 16, 2024

My Friend, the Serial Killer | 3. Take Us To The Bodies

On the strangest road trip ever, the confessed killer leads detectives, a prosecutor, and a medical examiner on a grim quest to unearth the bodies he claims to have buried in remote parts Louisiana and Mississippi. Unlock all episodes of Smoke Screen: My Friend, the Serial Killer, ad-free, right now by subscribing to The Binge. Plus, get binge access to brand new stories dropping on the first of every month thats all episodes, all at once, all ad-free. Just click Subscribe on the top of the Smoke Screen show page on Apple Podcasts or visit GetTheBinge.com to get access wherever you get your podcasts. An Orbit Media & Sony Music Entertainment production in association with Rhyme Media. Find out more about The Binge and other podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts and follow us @sonypodcasts

• JUN 23, 2024

My Friend, the Serial Killer | 4. The Exclusive

Steve secures his exclusive interview with the killer, who reveals what he considers the “real reasons” his victims died. While digging into this investigative lead, Steve tracks down a former social worker, who has a stunning revelation for Steve that will completely change his understanding of the case. Unlock all episodes of Smoke Screen: My Friend, the Serial Killer, ad-free, right now by subscribing to The Binge. Plus, get binge access to brand new stories dropping on the first of every month thats all episodes, all at once, all ad-free. Just click Subscribe on the top of the Smoke Screen show page on Apple Podcasts or visit GetTheBinge.com to get access wherever you get your podcasts. An Orbit Media & Sony Music Entertainment production in association with Rhyme Media. Find out more about The Binge and other podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts and follow us @sonypodcasts

• JUN 30, 2024

My Friend, the Serial Killer | 5. Donna

In the present day, Steve tracks down Donna, the killer’s daughter, who he first met when she was 12. Nearly fifty years later, Donna describes the harsh reality of growing up the daughter of a serial killer who she loved. Unlock all episodes of Smoke Screen: My Friend, the Serial Killer, ad-free, right now by subscribing to The Binge. Plus, get binge access to brand new stories dropping on the first of every month thats all episodes, all at once, all ad-free. Just click Subscribe on the top of the Smoke Screen show page on Apple Podcasts or visit GetTheBinge.com to get access wherever you get your podcasts. An Orbit Media & Sony Music Entertainment production in association with Rhyme Media. Find out more about The Binge and other podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts and follow us @sonypodcasts

• JUL 7, 2024

My Friend, the Serial Killer | 6. Unfinished Business

Despite promises made by the police, the killer faces the death penalty for his crimes. Donna confesses that she is terrified her father will find a way to avoid the death penalty, get out of prison, and come after her. As time goes on, Donna and Steve reckon with the aftershocks of her father’s crimes, the mistakes Steve made as a young journalist, and the damage the killer inflicted on his victims… both living and dead. Unlock all episodes of Smoke Screen: My Friend, the Serial Killer, ad-free, right now by subscribing to The Binge. Plus, get binge access to brand new stories dropping on the first of every month thats all episodes, all at once, all ad-free. Just click Subscribe on the top of the Smoke Screen show page on Apple Podcasts or visit GetTheBinge.com to get access wherever you get your podcasts. An Orbit Media & Sony Music Entertainment production in association with Rhyme Media. Find out more about The Binge and other podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts and follow us @sonypodcasts

• © Sony Music Entertainment

Customer Reviews

2.4K Ratings

Too much filler

This is interesting and had potential but it’s at least half filler that doesn’t go anywhere and the host is overly into monologuing about himself. A good editor and some restructuring would have made a better podcast

Behind a pay wall. Pass

Have to pay to get past episode 2

Serial killer had me hooked!!

Couldn’t stop listening to this one!!

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