college essays about losing a parent

‘I hate the letter S’: This college essay on the loss of a parent helped a Bridgewater teen into Harvard — and went viral

"i used to have two parents, but now i have one, and the s in parents isn't going anywhere.”.

By Christopher Gavin

At 12 years old, Abigail Mack lost the “S.”

Her mother, Julie-Ann, had battled cancer as a teen, but the disease re-emerged several times as an adult and, in 2014, she passed away.

“My dad became just my everything,” Mack, of Bridgewater, told Boston.com. “I mean, he’s my best friend and I’m so fortunate to have him in my life.”

Still, the loss naturally had a lasting impact on Mack, now 18 years old and a senior at Cardinal Spellman High School in Brockton. She always knew the death of her mother would be something she wanted to discuss in her college application essay, but she was hesitant.

There’s a stigma around writing about personal trauma in the application process, Mack said.

“It can come across as very just a pity party, and ‘Hey, look what I’ve overcome.’ And so it sometimes, it can almost hurt you more than helping you if it just is coming across as you trying to use that just to your advantage,” Mack said. “But I also didn’t want to just shy away from it because it has been something that’s been really important in how my life has turned out.”

How would she get across what she wanted to say?

Working with her English teacher, Mack struggled through reworking the first draft.

“I just remember sitting down with a blank document, and I don’t know how I thought of it, but all of a sudden, I thought about the difference between parent and parents,” she said. “And I said, ‘I hate the letter S.’ And then I just started writing.”

“I hate the letter S. Of the 164,777 words with S, I only grapple with one. To condemn an entire letter because of its use .0006 percent of the time sounds statistically absurd, but that one case changed 100 percent of my life. I used to have two parents, but now I have one, and the S in parents isn’t going anywhere.”

@a_vmack ♬ original sound – Abigail Mack

The essay has now been heard millions of times after various videos Mack posted to the social media platform TikTok , detailing what she wrote and reciting it for her followers, went viral, with one attracting 16.5 million views alone.

Mack said the surprise popularity began with a previous video she posted, documenting her reaction the moment she found out she was accepted to Harvard University’s incoming freshman class; that post now has over 100,000 views. (Mack is among the 1,968 students admitted to the Class of 2025, who faced an extremely competitive applicant pool: total applications were up almost 43 percent over the past year.)

Commenters on the video — and on a follow up post on Mack’s academic “stats” — wanted to know all about her academic life, from the classes she took to what extracurricular activities she did throughout high school.

Mack started a series of college help videos, but many viewers kept asking: What did she write about for her college essay?

Unsure if she wanted to disclose something so personal, she posted videos describing what she wrote, which have now garnered close to 2 million views total.

And with even more curiosity from viewers, she decided to post the whole thing.

“I didn’t think it would take off as much as it did, but it did, and here we are,” Mack said. “But it’s really surreal.”

In the essay, Mack wrote how when the world wouldn’t abandon the letter S, she tried to abandon it herself.

When friends would be eating dinner with their parents, Mack threw herself into so many extracurricular activities she wouldn’t have time for family dinner — a strategy to avoid confronting the absence of S.

“I became known as the busy kid: The one that everyone always asks how do you have time? Morning meetings, classes, after school meetings, volleyball practice, dance class, rehearsal in Boston, homework, sleep, repeat. My specific schedule has changed over time, the busyness has not. I couldn’t fill the loss S left in my life, but I could at least make sure I didn’t have to think about it.”

When S came creeping back, Mack added another ball to the many she juggled, she wrote. Over time, she noticed she was drawn to more distinct interests, in theatre, academics, and politics.

Mack’s love of dance and theater comes from her mother, who opened a dance studio that her father still operates, she said. This past year, a burgeoning interest in politics brought her to phone bank for now-President Joe Biden, and eventually a fellowship position on the campaign to re-elect Sen. Ed Markey.

“I stopped running away from a single S and began chasing a double S: Passion. Passion has given me purpose.”

“I was shackled to S, as I tried to escape the confines of the traditional familial structure. No matter how far I ran, S stayed behind me, because I kept looking back. I finally learned to move forward instead of away, and it’s liberating. S got me moving, but it hasn’t kept me going. I wish I could end here, triumphant and basking in my new inspiration, but life is more convoluted.”

Motivation, Mack wrote, is a double-edged sword. It keeps her looking forward, but it also prevents her from having to look back.

“Motivation is what keeps us at bay. I’m not perfectly healed, but I’m perfect at navigating the best way to heal me. I don’t seek out sadness, so S must stay on the sidelines. And until I am completely ready, motivation is more than enough for me.”

Mack now has over 100,000 followers on TikTok, and wants to use her newfound platform to try to enlighten and help others with the college application process.

But Mack, who said she has an interest in foreign relations, wants to make clear: There is no one way to get admitted to a school.

“I really want my message to be that you need to demonstrate your passions, whatever they are, because colleges want to see what you’re interested in — and they want to see you committed to those interests,” Mack said. “And if by sharing my personal story and my personal extracurriculars and classes, how I got to where I am, will help people see their own voice, then I’d say it’s been worth it.”

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"My Father's Passing"

University of Michigan

2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

250 - 650 words

Why This Essay Works:

• Navigates Tragedy Gracefully : Writing about a tragedy like a loss of a parent is a tricky topic for college essays. Many students feel obligated to choose that topic if it applies to them, but it can be challenging to not come across as trying to garner sympathy ("sob story"). This student does a graceful job of focusing on positive elements from their father's legacy, particularly the inspiration they draw from him.
• Compelling Motivations : This student does a great job of connecting their educational and career aspirations to their background. Admissions officers want to understand why you're pursing what you are, and by explaining the origin of your interests, you can have compelling and genuine reasons why.

What They Might Change:

• Write Only From Your Perspective : In this essay, the student writes from their hypothetical perspective as an infant. This doesn't quite work because they likely wouldn't remember these moments ("I have no conscious memories of him"), but still writes as though they do. By writing about things you haven't seen or experienced yourself, it can come across as "made up" or inauthentic.

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Girl’s Harvard admission essay about losing a parent goes viral

High-school senior got into the prestigious university the same year it announced its lowest-ever acceptance rate, article bookmarked.

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A high school senior has gone viral for sharing the college admissions essay about losing a parent to cancer that got her accepted into Harvard University.

Abigail Mack is an 18-year-old high school senior whose essay went viral on video-sharing platform TikTok, according to Buzzfeed , which first reported the news.

The essay from the future member of the class of 2025 is a clever and heartfelt riff on going from a life of two parents to one with a single parent, and it returns to that subtle spelling difference, just the letter “s” to make its larger point.

“As I write this essay, there is a blue line under the word ‘parent’ telling me to check my grammar; even Grammarly assumes that I should have parents, but cancer doesn’t listen to edit suggestions.” Ms Mack says in the TikTok video .

The story continues with a discussion about how the young student filled her life with a number of extra-curricular activities to cope with the loss.

“Any spare time that I had, I filled. I would be known as the ‘busy kid,’ the one that everyone always asks, ‘How do you have time?’”

Eventually, however, this pursuit led Ms Mack to a deeper set of interests like politics and art, and she concludes by writing she “began chasing a double ‘s’: passion.”

Perhaps even more impressive than the fact Ms Mack’s video was seen by 19 million people on TikTok, is the fact that she got into Harvard during its most competitive application season of all time .

During the pandemic, applications spiked 30 per cent over previous years, and the school accepted 1,968 out of 57,435 first-year applicants, less than 4 per cent. Facing such a deluge of potential students, the school delayed its application decision for a week.

“These applicants have faced and overcome unprecedented challenges over the past year,” dean of admissions and financial aid William R Fitzsimmons wrote in a statement at the time. “Their applications and personal stories revealed a window into their resilience, their intellectual curiosity, and their many positive contributions to family, school, and community. They are truly inspiring.”

Ms Mack, according to other TikTok videos, is from Brockton, Massachusetts, and performed in professional theatre productions, volunteered with senator Ed Markey and president Joe Biden’s presidential campaign, and teaches young people dance at her family’s dance studio. She was valedictorian of her high school class.

She regularly posts college admissions advice videos on her TikTok, and has nearly 100,000 followers.

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5 Ways to Make College Essays About Tragedy More Memorable

By Eric Eng

Difficult and personal topics of tragedy and loss aren’t easy for many people to talk about, let alone write about for others to read. This makes college essays about tragedy challenging for many applicants.

To be sure, a college essay on the death of a parent or death in a family can have a positive impact on a student’s application. The gravity of these subjects makes them impactful, full of emotions, and very captivating for admissions officers, but only if they’re done right. Since so many students experience tragedy and loss at some point in their lives, these topics can come across as generic.

Writing About Tragedy in the College Application Essay: Should It Be Done?

When preparing to write a meaningful, personal, and impactful college application essay, something tragic that’s happened in your life might seem like a fitting topic. It’s revealing, emotional, and raw – seems like a fitting topic, right? Well, you’ll hear a variety of different opinions when you ask whether or not painful college essays are a good idea.

One camp says that these subjects can come across as generic since many applicants struggle with similar experiences or issues. However, another group will say that these stories are so personal and important that you’re doing yourself a disservice by not writing about them.

What’s the real answer? At AdmissionSight , we’ve helped countless students master their college application essays, and this is a common topic that we’re asked about. Through our experience, we can confidently say that tragedy and loss are appropriate subjects for your college essay if – and only if – they’re approached carefully and with a clear sense of purpose.

The purpose of your essay isn’t to garner sympathy, and an essay about a tragic event won’t earn you any. If you choose to focus your essay on a tragic event, make sure that you can explain how the tragedy has affected you as a person.

The Right Way to Write About Tragedy in College Application

If you’ve experienced tragedy or loss in your life and you’re confident you want to broach the topic in your college application essay, you’ll have to approach it differently than other subjects. These sensitive topics require more tact and care than others. But, when used properly, they can have a tremendous impact and can make your college application essay stand out from the crowd. Here, we’ll explore some tips for how to approach tragedy and loss in your college essay

1. Be open and honest.

When writing about tragic events, some people feel the need to stray away from the truth for many reasons. In some cases, applicants feel that speaking too bluntly and openly about their experiences would come across as too forward, revealing, or raw. Alternatively, some applicants feel as though they need to rewrite themselves as being closer to the tragic event than they were. The goal is to find the element of the tragedy that made an indelible impact on you. How have you changed and grown as a result of the tragedy? What have you had to overcome?

You shouldn’t feel the need to dress your story up or strip it down. Don’t act like you were impacted in ways that you weren’t. This can come across as insincere, and you’d be surprised how easy this is to detect in writing – especially when touching upon such serious topics. You also don’t have to be affected firsthand by a tragic event in order to have been impacted by it. If something truly affected you, it’ll come through in your writing no matter what happened.

2. Use the right language.

When dealing with heavy topics on your college application essay, it’s often difficult to find a balance between authenticity and great writing. After all, a college essay is made or broken by the topic and the quality of the writing. When writing college essays about tragedy and loss, students need to write in a way that’s sincere while still conveying genuine emotions and feelings.

3. Connect it to the prompt.

Although colleges do have essay prompts that are more personal in nature, it’s rare to find a topic related directly to a tragic event. In general, universities won’t ask students to recount these personal events on their applications. However, that doesn’t mean that you won’t find plenty of open-ended prompts where these subjects can be appropriate. In fact, it is common for universities to include questions that request students talk about formative experiences in their life. No matter what kind of prompt you choose, just make sure your story fits the prompt.

For example, let’s say a college application essay prompt is asking you to talk about how you developed an interest in your field of study. Maybe you’re pursuing a degree in the medical field because you had a close friend who died of cancer. Their passing had such a tremendous impact on you that you decided to dedicate your life to helping those suffering from the same illness. While the experience of loss and tragedy adds a powerful element to the response, it’s not the whole answer. It still needs to be connected to the original question. Don’t get too caught up in writing about the event that you forget to respond to the prompt.

4. Focus on yourself.

When you recount a tragic event or loss in your life, it’s often described as something that happened to you. Especially when dealing with the loss of a loved one, an applicant’s instinct is to focus on the individual rather than themselves. However, when writing college essays about tragedy, students have to remember to talk about themselves. It might sound selfish and inappropriate given the gravity of the event. However, admissions officers are interested in learning more about you through your essay. If you spend the whole time talking about somebody else, it won’t end up being a good college application essay topic.

How did the tragedy or loss affect you? How did you feel throughout the grieving process? Have you changed permanently since the experience? How is it impacting what you’re doing today? Has it altered your direction or goals in life? These are all pertinent questions that – if applicable to the prompt – should be included in your response. You want to give admissions officers a glimpse into who you are as a person. That’s why it’s important to focus a good portion of your essay on how this experience impacted you directly.

5. Be respectful.

One of the most important tips for how to approach tragedy and loss in a college essay is with a high level of respect. A common reason some students are hesitant to write about these topics is because of how personal and revealing they are. While your name will obviously be on the application, you don’t (and shouldn’t) need to include the names of other people involved in your story. You can always use fake names to make the response flow better or leave out names altogether. Either way, you’ll want to remain as discreet and anonymous as possible. This isn’t only respectful to others involved but also demonstrates tact to admissions officers.

Don’t worry. You’re not going to lose any points for not being specific. Colleges are used to reading these stories. It’s common practice to omit some personal details. Besides, as we mentioned before, the most important part of your story is how you were affected by the process.

Sample College Essays About Tragedy and Loss

Now that we’ve explored some tips for making college essays about tragedy more effective for your application, it’s time to take a look at an actual example. Although the aforementioned tips are incredibly helpful, seeing a successful essay on these subjects is very informative. Read through this great essay carefully and, thinking back to the tips we mentioned, guess what we like so much about it. Then, we’ll explain it in detail.

Written for the Common App college application essays “Tell us your story” prompt. This essay could work for prompts 1 and 7 for the Common App.

“They covered the precious mahogany coffin with a brown amalgam of rocks, decomposed organisms, and weeds. It was my turn to take the shovel, but I felt too ashamed to dutifully send her off when I had not properly said goodbye. I refused to throw dirt on her. I refused to let go of my grandmother, to accept a death I had not seen coming, to believe that an illness could not only interrupt but steal a beloved life.

When my parents finally revealed to me that my grandmother had been battling liver cancer, I was twelve and I was angry–mostly with myself. They had wanted to protect me–only six years old at the time–from the complex and morose concept of death. However, when the end inevitably arrived, I wasn’t trying to comprehend what dying was; I was trying to understand how I had been able to abandon my sick grandmother in favor of playing with friends and watching TV. Hurt that my parents had deceived me and resentful of my own oblivion, I committed myself to prevent such blindness from resurfacing.

I became desperately devoted to my education because I saw knowledge as the key to freeing myself from the chains of ignorance. While learning about cancer in school I promised myself that I would memorize every fact and absorb every detail in textbooks and online medical journals. And as I began to consider my future, I realized that what I learned in school would allow me to silence that which had silenced my grandmother. However, I was focused not on learning itself, but on good grades and high test scores. I started to believe that academic perfection would be the only way to redeem myself in her eyes–to make up for what I had not done as a granddaughter.

However, a simple walk on a hiking trail behind my house made me open my own eyes to the truth. Over the years, everything–even honoring my grandmother–had become second to school and grades. As my shoes humbly tapped against the Earth, the towering trees blackened by the forest fire a few years ago, the faintly colorful pebbles embedded in the sidewalk, and the wispy white clouds hanging in the sky reminded me of my small though nonetheless significant part in a larger whole that is humankind and this Earth. Before I could resolve my guilt, I had to broaden my perspective of the world as well as my responsibilities to my fellow humans.

Volunteering at a cancer treatment center has helped me discover my path. When I see patients trapped in not only the hospital but also a moment in time by their diseases, I talk to them. For six hours a day, three times a week, Ivana is surrounded by IV stands, empty walls, and busy nurses that quietly yet constantly remind her of her breast cancer. Her face is pale and tired, yet kind–not unlike my grandmother’s. I need only to smile and say hello to see her brighten up as life returns to her face. Upon our first meeting, she opened up about her two sons, her hometown, and her knitting group–no mention of her disease. Without even standing up, the three of us—Ivana, me, and my grandmother–had taken a walk together.

Cancer, as powerful and invincible as it may seem, is a mere fraction of a person’s life. It’s easy to forget when one’s mind and body are so weak and vulnerable. I want to be there as an oncologist to remind them to take a walk once in a while, to remember that there’s so much more to life than a disease. While I physically treat their cancer, I want to lend patients emotional support and mental strength to escape the interruption and continue living. Through my work, I can accept the shovel without burying my grandmother’s memory.”

What we like about this essay

It’s not often we come across college essays about tragedy and loss that hit all of the right points. Generally, these essays are too cliche despite their serious contents. Here, we’ll outline some things we loved about this essay and why we chose it as a great example of a college essay on death:

• The writer is able to broach a serious topic such as death, cancer, and the loss of a loved one with positivity and a sense of hope.
• The essay focuses on how the applicant was impacted by the experience more than it does the actual experience itself.
• It includes all of the details needed to convey the message without going over the word limit or getting too bogged down in specifics.
• The applicant talks specifically about how their tragic experiences impacted them personally while explaining how they’ll move forward in the future after this change.
• The essay describes how the tragedy and loss affect what they’ll want to study in college, helping admission officers make a connection between this event and the applicant’s plans for university.
• There are enough detail and personality without being too revealing as to make it uncomfortable or awkward for the reader.

Need help getting into top-tier colleges?

Essays are an integral part of the college admission process. In order to secure a spot at the university of your dreams, you need to nail this portion of the application. Fortunately, there’s a professional college admissions coach who can help you perfect your essays.

AdmissionSight is the leading college admissions specialist with years of experience successfully helping students like you gain admittance to their chosen universities. Our essay editing services can help you stand out amongst the crowd of applicants, even at top-tier universities.

C ontact AdmissionSight to learn more about the services we offer and how we can help you.

Want to assess your chances of admission? Take our FREE chances calculator today!

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Teen's Harvard admission essay about losing a parent to cancer goes viral

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A video of a soon-to-be Harvard freshman sharing her admissions essay that details her experience with losing a parent has gone viral.

Brockton, Massachusetts native Abigail Mack, 18, shared her heartfelt story about losing a parent to cancer, explaining how the letter "s" has been a reminder of her loss and how she’s used her grief as fuel to excel in extracurricular activities and ultimately find her passion,  Buzzfeed News first reported.  

"I hate the letter 'S,'" Mack's college admission essay starts. "Of the 164,777 words with 'S,' I only grapple with one. To condemn an entire letter because of its use .0006 percent of the time sounds statistically absurd, but that one case changed 100 percent of my life. I used to have two parents, but now I have one, and the 'S' in 'parents' isn't going anywhere." 

A video of a soon-to-be Harvard freshman sharing her admissions essay that details her experience with losing a parent has gone viral. (iStock)

Mack noted that even while she wrote her college essay the word "parent" was highlighted in blue, a symbol to check her grammar by the tool Grammarly, which, she says "assumes that I should have parents, but cancer doesn’t listen to edit suggestions."

MISSING UTAH WOMAN FOUND LIVING IN A NATIONAL FOREST REPORTEDLY WANTED 'SOLITUDE AND ISOLATION'

@a_vmack The Common App Essay that got me into Harvard #harvard #ShadowAndBone #SkipTheRinse #college #loss #singleparent #fyp ♬ original sound - Abigail Mack

Mack’s essay details how she tried to distract herself from the thought of losing her mother – and all of the plural words with the letter "S" that reminded her of her loss – by signing up for clubs and extracurricular activities.

"You can’t have dinner with your parent … if you’re too busy to have family dinner," she said, adding that she couldn’t fill the loss but that she could take control of her schedule and how she chose to fill her time.

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Then, she started taking note of what she really enjoyed doing, taking an interest in art and politics outside of just keeping busy to distract herself from feeling sad.

The teen’s story about living with grief garnered a slew of comments from teens who resonated with her experience. 

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"As a fellow Havard student who also had a parent die to cancer when I was young, this is beautiful. And WELCOME!! I can’t wait to meet you," one TikTok user commented as reported by BuzzFeed.

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College Essay: Lessons from the loss of a loved one

Her death caused me to recognize that my purpose lies in pursuing medicine.

As the only members of our extended family outside of Taiwan, my nuclear family and I took the annual trip from Minnesota back to our homeland that renewed my fading early childhood memories of bustling Taipei.

Jetlag compelled me to wake up at the crack of dawn, which luckily coincided with my grandmother’s daily trek up the luscious mountains right down the block. She was invariably eager to bring my brother and I along. Although my grandma was agile for her age, our youthful bodies bounded steps ahead on hills.

As years passed, I never thought the next time I’d see my grandmother would be on her deathbed.

The summer before I began ninth grade, we learned that my grandmother had undergone a spinal surgery to offset the rapid deterioration of her legs. What had been a risky procedure to begin with did little to help her prognosis.

My brother and I followed my parents on their next flight to Taiwan while she went under the knife for a second time.

The trip up the hospital elevator ticked by in silence, everyone avoiding eye contact. A blast of cold air whipped my face as the doors opened to the intensive care unit. Snapping on latex gloves, face masks and hospital gowns, we anxiously waited in the hall to enter her room, only two allowed in at once.

The first time I walked in, the shrill beeping of heavy equipment filled my ears, and thick trails of IVs sprawled on the floor. The rugged stench of rubber from my gloves clung in the air and my stomach churned to the ceaseless beeps. My heart crashed at the sight of my grandmother, immobile in a gray bed. Her lively spirit lied paralyzed, indistinguishable with jaundice and blackened fingers. I idled in shock the five minutes I was with her, conscientiously meeting her eyes, incapable of digesting the severity this situation had reached.

I left my grandma in a daze as a doctor somberly welcomed us into a room. There I learned that the initial surgery left her with a grazed spine and a pierced stomach, leaving the rest of the organs in her torso to collapse and wither. Her blood had turned toxic.

The doctor spouted more medical vocabulary. Hesitating, he paused. “I’m afraid there is no chance of recovery,” he apologized. His statement hung in the air as he continued, and eventually his words dissolved into white noise.

During my following visits, I stumbled over the right words to express to her. Her pain-enduring eyes masked with perseverance recurred through my mind hours after leaving the hospital. I still yearned for a miracle to occur in the two weeks leading up to her passing.

Because Taiwan is a moderately accelerated nation, I struggled to comprehend that the one-out-of-a-million failed victim of this risky operation was someone important to me, my 71-yearold grandmother.

After the visit, under the dimming sky, I descended the mountain without my grandma. I realized how much one loss affected multiple people. The buzz of cicadas dwindled as I neared the house. The streetlight gradually flickered out. I could only picture her last breath in the lonely hospital room, fading out to the slowing beep of her heartbeat. At that moment, I yearned for the chance to recompense my grandma in any way.

My grandmother was a sole person, but she acquired dreams and goals throughout her lifetime. Until then I never understood how small changes created big differences—like how every life matters on this Earth. Her death caused me to recognize that my purpose lies in pursuing medicine.

Even today, our knowledge of human health is not enough to save everyone. My impact may not be big, but I want to contribute to the gradual advancement of critical medical care. My aspiration is to help as many people as possible experience life’s potential.

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Articles & Advice > College Admission > Blog

How to Approach Tragedy and Loss in Your College Essay

You may feel compelled to write about a difficult subject for your college essay. Here are some tips to write about hard topics with respect and impact.

by Keaghan Turner, PhD Partner, Turner+Turner College Consulting

Last Updated: Mar 16, 2023

Originally Posted: Aug 5, 2019

Tragedy and loss are not easy subjects to broach in writing at all, let alone very public writing that someone else will read or hear spoken. Writing about tragedy and loss certainly won’t be for everyone, so make sure you give it some real thought before you try to dive in and put your jumbled, high-emotion thoughts to page. But if a difficult topic is the one that compels you to write a great admission essay, then it can be done—as long as it’s done the right way. Before we explore the key elements to writing about traumatic experiences the right way, here’s some perspective through a personal story of loss.

The struggles with writing about loss

One spring, there was a rash of suicide attempts at a local high school in my community. Two of them were successful; others were not. The first time I wrote about this loss was for a memorial service. This is the second time. It’ll never be “easy” to write about, just as what happened will never make sense to anyone who knew the victims. How can we use words for trauma and grief in order to make sense of what doesn’t make sense?

One student, in a mature spirit of activism, wrote an open letter to the school district office, which was posted and reposted all over social media until there was a school assembly featuring officials, professionals, and faith leaders open to the whole community. The Parent Teacher Organization gave out green ribbons to raise awareness about depression and other mental illnesses . Most immediately for the teens in my town, the words appeared via social media posts. That was how the students wrote about their loss in the weeks following the first (then six weeks later, the second) tragedy. Some students will write about it for their college essays, and they’ll need help. It’ll be important to them to do a good job, to honor the memories of their friends who passed away, to get it “right.”

To say the least, people had mixed feelings about these posts and reposts; about what should be discussed and how; and how to protect the grieving families from more suffering. It’s a small community, and these were shockingly sad events. The fact is, these tragedies have already fundamentally redefined the high school experience of the students in my town. The ripples might be subtle or pronounced, but they exist. Peers will mark time using these losses (midterms happened  before , prom happened  after ), and the experience will not be forgotten; it’s now part of their life stories.

Related:  Mental Health: What Is It and How You Can Find Help

How to tackle writing about tragedy the right way

Difficult topics can ( and should) be broached in admission essays because they are a part of life that can’t be ignored and often play a huge part in defining who we are as people. What I told those students about handling loss with their words is summed up below, and it also applies to writers tackling any kind of special need, medical condition, or family struggle in their college essay.

Be honest and straightforward

You don’t need to have been super close to a tragedy to be affected by it or to write about it effectively. But don’t pretend you were affected in a way you weren’t; you’ll come across as phony. If you’re moved to write about a painful event, there’s a genuine reason behind that impulse. That reason is good enough; figure out what it is. That being said, powerful life events require quick-hitting, direct sentences. Be like Hemingway, my professors used to say—keep your sentences short; they have more punch that way. You don’t need lots of flowery or figurative language to convey that your subject is a big deal—but at the same time, do make sure you’re showing, not telling, in your writing . Connecting emotionally is about expressing that time through actions and events, not just thoughts and feelings.

Find your message with the right words

Superfluous language gets in the way of gravity. Be ready to prune drafts until you feel you’ve found the right semantic fit for the intention behind your words. Your essay also needs a theme, a call, a purpose. The point isn’t simply to narrate a sad story in order to show the reader how sad it is (e.g., your essay’s message is not that teen suicide is tragic); rather, the point is to connect the sad story to the essay prompt you've chosen to address. The event itself essentially takes a backseat to the points you want to make about what it  means .

Be respectful

This is really the one ultimate rule, and if you do this, the other stuff can be worked out. In the context of the college essay, respect usually involves approaching your subject matter somewhat anonymously. Names aren’t necessary. If you’re engaging a serious, painful topic—and it involves others—be careful to write as circumspectly and thoughtfully as you can. When in doubt, ask someone whose judgment you trust (like a teacher or parent) to check it out for you.

Seek help for you or others

Is it easy to write about hard realities? Not at all—not in any context, not for anyone. But if you’re brave enough to try, you may find it to be transformative and therapeutic to articulate your experience as you process your grief and begin to heal. And the most important thing to remember is to take those emotions and experiences and use them to help others in the future before other tragedies strike. Writing about these situations can often shed light and inspire others to help people in need, which in the end is more crucial than anything else. If you have been affected by tragedy or are worried about a friend who is struggling, help is available. Contact the  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  800-273-8255 or a trusted adult.

For more advice on college essays, check out our Application Essay Clinic , or if you’re in need of mental health advice, check out the tag “mental health.”

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About Keaghan Turner, PhD

Keaghan Turner, PhD, is Assistant Professor of Digital Writing and Humanistic Studies at Coastal Carolina University . She has taught writing and literature at small liberal arts colleges and state flagship universities for the past 20 years. As a managing partner of Turner+Turner College Consulting, LLC, Dr. Turner also counsels high school students on all aspects of their college admission portfolios, leads writing workshops, and generally tries to encourage students to believe in the power of their own writing voices. You can contact Dr. Turner on Instagram @consultingprofessors or by email at  [email protected] . 

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Dealing with the loss of a parent while in college

By JULIA MENDES QUEIROZ | November 16, 2023

COURTESY OF JULIA MENDES QUEIROZ

Mendes Queiroz recounts how her life has changed since her dad’s passing.

About a month into summer break after my freshman year of college, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. At the end of the day, my father picked me up on his way home from work, and I showed him the dress I had gotten on sale. Five months after that, I wore that dress to his funeral. As the first anniversary of his death approaches, I wanted to write a small reflection of some of the things I’ve learned in the time he has been gone. 

One of the first things I learned, even before he passed away, was how impossible it can be to accept what is happening to you. The first time I went to see him at the hospital, I was in denial, staring blankly at the monitor that showed the stats of all patients in the ICU. When a nurse asked me what was wrong, I told her, “This is not happening to my father. This is a bad dream.” 

It was only later, when I notified Student Outreach and Support that I was going to need to take a leave of absence, that I understood that this was actually my life. It’s also difficult, and oftentimes upsetting, to accept that the world is carrying on as it feels like yours is ending. Sometimes it’s more difficult to accept this than the tragedy itself. 

The first time I saw my father’s college friends together after his death, I realized that this was the new normal: They would continue getting together, even if they were a member short. The first time I came home from college after my dad’s passing, seeing his office devoid of Post-its, his empty seat at the dining table and his tea mug at the back of the cabinet made me desperately want to come back to Hopkins, where his absence wasn’t so noticeable. 

At the end of each day, my father would always ask me to make him a cup of black tea and grab him two biscoitos de maizena. That first night back home, after I cleared the dinner table, I had a keen sense that I had forgotten to do something; it only dawned on me almost three days later that I was waiting for his request. Thinking about it in the following form helped: If everything related to him stopped existing — if his friends no longer met up, if I didn’t attend family events — I would lose the most tangible things I had left of him. A part of him lives on in the traditions and moments he can no longer be a part of.

I also experienced a loss of enjoyment in the interests I had shared with my dad and learned that this was to be expected. My dad and I had two things we loved to talk about endlessly: sports and the news. I would update my dad on the weekend’s Brasileirão fixtures, and he would text me about that morning’s headlines. For about six months after his death, I barely watched any sports. The Champions League (UCL) knockout stages were left unwatched; I couldn’t stomach the sight of the royal blue jerseys of Chelsea FC, one of my father’s favorite teams. The memory of celebrating their 2021 UCL win together, of cheering in the living room in our matching jerseys and ordering milkshakes to celebrate, was too difficult to stomach. 

For a while, I was completely unable to follow through with the plans we had thought of together. Even going to the gym was difficult, because of how accustomed I had been to going with him.

The good news is that, although at the beginning the sorrow was sort of all-encompassing, as time passes, that sentiment fades further into the background. For me, what remains is the good. 

This semester, I started writing for the Sports section of The News-Letter to reconnect with an important part of my life in a positive way, an experience I get to share through a joint column with one of my closest friends. One of my roommates, unprompted, got into the habit of making me a mug of tea every now and then before bedtime, another tradition of ours that inadvertently came back to life. Whenever someone asks me for advice, I find that my father’s extremely practical advice comes in handy, though I don’t always credit him. Most importantly, my mom and I look forward to making new memories without the guilt of feeling like we are leaving my father behind. Because, as I recently learned, we are not.

I still struggle now and then. For example, I can’t bring myself to play video games anymore. As an only child, I mostly played Mario Kart or Guitar Hero with my dad. I also have difficulty listening to voice memos he sent. However, I believe it’s all a process — sometimes it’s a very slow, confusing one, but a process all the same. 

Grief, especially in college, can be tough to navigate. For me, grieving my father was a little isolating; I didn’t want to continuously expose my friends, both in college and at home, to my ‘lows.’ I thought that, whenever I got sad, it would be best to distance myself and process it on my own. Thankfully, I have pretty persistent friends. I’ve learned from them the importance of sharing feelings — even sad, negative, angry ones. It’s helped me reach out to other people in my life: my dad’s best friend, my grandmother, my former research advisor and, honestly, even my mom. I now know that people are much more willing to listen than I thought. 

In honor of his legacy, I want to sign off with one of my favorite memories. During the week of Easter, my dad would always leave little chocolate bunnies for me around the house. Sometimes he’d buy too much chocolate for one child, and the bunnies would keep appearing until the end of April. The summer after my freshman year, when I arrived home, there was a gold bunny sitting on my bed. 

Above all, I feel very thankful for the 20 years I had with my dad. I wanted longer, of course I did, but I will always have those 20 years. 

Julia Mendes Queiroz is a junior from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil studying Economics and International Studies. Her column reflects on change, new experiences and learning to make decisions for herself.

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A Father's Legacy: Reflecting on the Narrative of Losing My Dad

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Introduction: the profound impact of losing a parent, immediate emotional responses to parental loss, age-related differences in grieving and coping, strategies for coping and recovery, the risk of long-term mental illnesses in bereaved children.

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Is it OK to Write about Death in Your College Application Essay?

Written by Elyse Krantz on October 6th, 2016

• how to write a personal statement ,
• writing college essays ,
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• that horrible breakup with your girlfriend or boyfriend,
• your eyes being opened after volunteering in a third-world country, and
• the tragic loss or grave illness of a close family member.
• Did the essay successfully demonstrate the student’s personal qualities and characteristics?
• Was the essay a powerful and genuine expression of who the student is and what his passions are?
• Did the essay convey how the student might positively contribute to a campus community?

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Follow these pre-application steps to help your student stay on track for admissions success., related resources.

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20 Truths About Grieving The Loss Of A Parent In College

By Chris Bedell

1. If you’re one of the few that’s lost a parent so early in life, then you have gone through something that 99 percent of people your age haven’t gone through. And even though that is still difficult to fathom, it doesn’t make it any less true.

2. Just because you might not be grieving intensely as you were right after the loss, doesn’t mean that the days get any easier. If anything, it can be harder with each passing day.

3. You’re never going to see the person again (at least physically on this plane). It’s a ghastly thought. It might even make your head explode when you try and wrap your head around it. It’s okay to feel that way. It’s normal.

4. People will become oblivious to your pain after a certain amount of time. As awful as it might be, it’s true. Besides family or best friends, everybody else is going to forget about the loss. That’s natural. Life goes on. But that doesn’t mean that your grief isn’t still legitimate six months, one year, two years, (and so on…) later.


5. Having a list of regrets can happen. It might seem silly to second-guess yourself after the fact (since nothing can bring back the person you lost) but it still happens. Regrets can range from anything from acting like a brat to things you wished that you could have done (like going to that new restaurant that you never got the chance to go to).

6. Just because the person is dead doesn’t mean his or her life didn’t matter. Even if the idea is naïve, a person’s life should transcend death. A person shouldn’t be irrelevant just because of death. People deserve to be memorialized.

7. Having a parent die of cancer is beyond cruel. A college kid shouldn’t have to deal with something of that magnitude at that particular point in life. Your late teens and early twenty’s should be about doing well in college and having fun; not watching a parent be taken away in a body bag.

8. The clock might feel like it’s ticking during your loved one’s final weeks/months. Nothing is going to change the issue of trying to beat a clock. The “dirty little secret” is the “clock” is one thing that can’t be beaten. You might even make a list of things you want to do or talk about with person. The reality is that there is no way all of those things aren’t going to get done. It’s just the way things are. However…

9. That doesn’t mean the most can’t be made of the time that’s left. You might not have time for everything on your list, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still cross off some things. Deciding what is the most important is what’s key.

10. Self preservation matters before and after the person’s death. Just because the idea might be horrible, doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. Even when your loved one is in the process of dying, a person still needs to make time for self-care (like getting out of the house for coffee or running errands). That doesn’t make you a bad person. That just makes you human. Recharging your batteries will actually make you a better caregiver. You also need to take care of yourself after experiencing the loss. That means maintaining rituals like Starbucks on Sunday or going to your favorite deli. It isn’t superficial. It’s vital to maintaining your sanity.

11. The day the person actually dies is more taxing than the whole illness itself. It might be impossible to predict the exact moment when your terminally ill parent is going to die, but there are general signs (such as increased tiredness) that indicate death is coming. That brings up the issue of whether a person should stay in the room when his or her parent actually dies. That is a conundrum no matter what way a person looks at the issue.

12. Staying in the room when your parent dies might appear daunting. Most hospice literature indicates that the choice to stay in the room when a loved one is actually dying is personal and that a person should not be judged for not staying in the room. It’s true. For some people, it might be too painful to be in room during the actual moment. That’s just a reality of life, even if the idea sounds selfish.

13. It doesn’t make you a coward to not be in the room when your parent dies. Assuming that your other parent is still alive or that a close friend or family member is also there, it does not make you a terrible person to not want to be in the room during the actual moment. It isn’t going to make the person win the fight against cancer.

14. You still might feel like a coward if you can’t stay in the room during the “moment” even if you aren’t. It is what is. It might seem awful to not be there during the actual moment, but no college student should have to see his or her parent “actually” die. The guilt might always be there (for those that decided that it was too much to be there during the moment), but other things will happen and that issue will seem less daunting. If you feel like a coward, you should forgive yourself. It might be easier said then done, but there are more grievous sins to commit.

15. You are watching your parent die/you just watched your parent die and there is/was nothing you could do about it. That thought is enough to blow anyone’s mind. Even if you are going to be upset for the rest of your life, you still have to realize that certain things are beyond a person’s control.

16. The rest of your life is ahead of you… That is probably one of the most daunting thoughts about losing a parent in college. Your life is still beginning even though your Mom or Dad’s life just ended. The less time spent thinking about that, the better.

17. It’s okay to find something to be happy about. Intense emotions are normal and healthy to a degree. But you still need to live your life. And if you can find happiness (even for a minute) then hold onto to it as long as you can. The moment will be fleeting.

18. The five stages of grief don’t always happen sequential or at all. Some people might experience all five while some people might just experience anger. Neither is right or wrong. That’s inevitable. People grieve in different ways.

19. Counseling isn’t for everyone. It’s one of those things that people seem to love or hate. The important thing is to be able to articulate your feelings about the loss in a healthy nonviolent or non self-destructive manner. The truth is a therapist is there to listen. Anyone can listen. Therapy has become a phony idea. It’s like a thing that has to be done, or it’s wrong if you don’t go to therapy! Going to therapy isn’t going to magical make your problems disappear. They’ll still be there after your appointment is over.

20. Grief can return without even a moment’s notice. Having grief sneak up on you is nothing to be ashamed of. It happens. The key is not to repress the grief and to be able to acknowledge it.

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Personal Essay: What losing a father really means

While most people look at it as losing the head of the family and major financial support, the loss is much deeper and leaves a lasting impact

KARACHI:  Six years ago, when my father breathed his last, he was just 52. The phrase, “age is just a number,” stands very true here as no matter what age your father was when he passed away, the loss is irreparable. The world tries to console you, says things like, “all will be well,” “I understand what you are going through,” etc. But all you feel like screaming is, “NO, YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND – unless you’ve faced a similar loss which I pray you don’t have to.” On account of Father’s Day 2021, let me tell you what it actually means to lose a father.

At first, we, as a family, could not even accept that he has left us. I used to think he is somewhere far, far away but not gone forever. I would even see him in my dreams and look for him around as I would wake up. It took days and days to acknowledge that he is not coming back. That our lives have to proceed without him. That he will no longer be a part of occasions we used to plan together for the future. And that hit differently.

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Every person who attended (or not) the funeral – family, friends, acquaintances, etc. got busy in their lives after checking up on us for a few days. It is just you at the end of the day who has to face the reality, accept it, and move on. Any person who learns about your loss would be concerned about finances, that if there is another male member in the family or not, and if the children are studying, grown-ups, settled, or what?

All thanks to the Almighty that finances were not what all we had to worry about, my brother and I are adults with a very strong mother who stood by us like a rock. Both of us were working by that time and that was enough to support the family financially. However, it is many other factors that come into play in the absence of a father. You can no longer sit back and chill while your parents take all the big decisions surrounding the house and family. You are supposed to give your input and take complete ownership of it. Your father is not around anymore to protect you under his umbrella if anything goes wrong. When the world gets harsh, you have to face it YOURSELF. When the world feels pity for you, you feel like telling them this is not what you need.

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One major change that comes in the absence of a father is taking care of your mother. After losing a father, you get extra cautious when it comes to her health and wellbeing. The slightest disturbance in her health causes fear and anxiety. And the most challenging part is making her understand why you are being paranoid about it. She would in fact feel overprotected.

Moreover, you lose a father and there are so many out there to take up the role for unsolicited advice because even though you’re doing fairly well in life without them, you are still a “kid”. Do you pay our bills? Will you be accountable if anything goes wrong after we take your advice?

Losing a father means losing that word of encouragement coming from him. That constant support system, who assures you that even if the world goes against you, he will be there. Even if you fail 100 times, he is there to pick you up. You do not have to worry about ‘ log kia kahenge ‘ as long as he has got your back.

Though we feel annoyed at our fathers’ restrictions and advice, it is these things that stay with you even when they don’t. It remains with you forever as a guide to lead your life while your father is no more with you. On Father’s Day 2021, I urge all the children to cherish the presence of their fathers  while they are around and I pray that nobody ever has to go through the loss I did.

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College essay topic- losing a loved one Answered

Is it a good idea to write about losing a loved one. That event really impacted me, and changed me as a person. Should I write about it ? I feel confused about how to structure my essay

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Hi! This is a great question!

You can certainly write about losing a loved one and how it changed you. But I have to warn you about one thing. College essays are meant for you to reveal an aspect of you that the admission officers can't see from your academics. I am saying this because a lot of students will write an essay about losing a loved one but instead of reflecting on how it impacted them, they just end up writing a biography of the person itself. Colleges don't want a person's biography; they want to know more about you. So, in your essay, you can briefly talk about the death of the loved one but quickly transition into a reflection of how that event has changed you. Make sure to include specific feelings, thoughts, and anecdotes in your essay to make it come alive.

I am sorry for your loss and good luck with your essay!

Thank you for the sweet message. That's actually very thoughtful. Sometimes we get diverted from the main topic, I will keep that advice in mind

Your welcome!! I also want to say that colleges receive a lots of these types of essays about the death of a loved one. I want emphasize here again the importance of using personal stories, thoughts, etc to make this essay unique and personal to you. Avoid using general sentences and diction. Good luck!

Yes thank you, will keep that in mind. Are you in clg ?

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Poignant parent essays on having a child leave for college

Since many of of us will be saying goodbye this month to our children off to college, I thought I’d seek out recommendations of well written pieces from a parent’s perspective.

I’ll start with these two:

Saying goodbye to my child, the youngster by Michael Gerson

I love Beverly Beckham‘s essay in the Boston Globe from years ago…

The article is paywalled now. I had saved the content…

——————————— I was the sun and the kids were my planets By Beverly Beckham Updated August 31, 2022, 2:21 p.m.

I wasn’t wrong about their leaving. My husband kept telling me I was. That it wasn’t the end of the world when first one child, then another, and then the last packed their bags and left for college.

But it was the end of something. “Can you pick me up, Mom?” “What’s for dinner?” “What do you think?”

I was the sun and they were the planets. And there was life on those planets, whirling, non-stop plans and parties and friends coming and going, and ideas and dreams and the phone ringing and doors slamming.

And I got to beam down on them. To watch. To glow.

And then they were gone, one after the other.

“They’ll be back,” my husband said. And he was right. They came back. But he was wrong, too, because they came back for intervals — not for always, not planets anymore, making their predictable orbits, but unpredictable, like shooting stars.

Always is what you miss. Always knowing where they are. At school. At play practice. At a ballgame. At a friend’s. Always looking at the clock midday and anticipating the door opening, the sigh, the smile, the laugh, the shrug. “How was school?” answered for years in too much detail. “And then he said . . . and then I said to him. . . .”

Then hardly answered at all.

Always, knowing his friends.

Her favorite show.

What he had for breakfast.

What she wore to school.

What he thinks.

How she feels.

My friend’s twin girls left for Roger Williams yesterday. They are her fourth and fifth children. She’s been down this road three times before. You’d think it would get easier. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without them,” she has said every day for months.

And I have said nothing, because, really, what is there to say?

A chapter ends. Another chapter begins. One door closes and another door opens. The best thing a parent can give their child is wings. I read all these things when my children left home and thought then what I think now: What do these words mean?

Eighteen years isn’t a chapter in anyone’s life. It’s a whole book, and that book is ending and what comes next is connected to, but different from, everything that has gone before.

Before was an infant, a toddler, a child, a teenager. Before was feeding and changing and teaching and comforting and guiding and disciplining, everything hands-on.

Now the kids are young adults and on their own and the parents are on the periphery, and it’s not just a chapter change. It’s a sea change.

As for a door closing? Would that you could close a door and forget for even a minute your children and your love for them and your fear for them, too. And would that they occupied just a single room in your head. But they’re in every room in your head and in your heart.

As for the wings analogy? It’s sweet. But children are not birds. Parents don’t let them go and build another nest and have all new offspring next year.

Saying goodbye to your children and their childhood is much harder than all the pithy sayings make it seem. Because that’s what going to college is. It’s goodbye.

It’s not a death. And it’s not a tragedy.

But it’s not nothing, either.

To grow a child, a body changes. It needs more sleep. It rejects food it used to like. It expands and it adapts.

To let go of a child, a body changes, too. It sighs and it cries and it feels weightless and heavy at the same time.

The drive home alone without them is the worst. And the first few days.

But then it gets better. The kids call, come home, bring their friends, fill the house with their energy again.

Life does go on.

“Can you give me a ride to the mall?” “Mom, make him stop!” I don’t miss this part of parenting, playing chauffeur and referee.

But I miss them, still, all these years later, the children they were, at the dinner table, beside me on the couch, talking on the phone, sleeping in their rooms.

What a wonderful piece! Thank you for sharing!

It’s also on Beverly Beckham’s own website w/o a paywall:

Here’s another that I had filed away when my kids were little. From Bill Bryson’s I’m a Stranger Here Myself, his essay On Losing a Son (to College):

And this one from Eliza Van Cort:

Wow, so much heavy truth in these essays with my youngest leaving in a few days. Loved the Gerson and Bryson pieces which especially hit hard.

I have trouble getting though this one without tearing up.

Totally agree! Same here.

Love this poem from Cecil Day Lewis

It is eighteen years ago, almost to the day - A sunny day with leaves just turning, The touch-lines new-ruled - since I watched you play Your first game of football, then, like a satellite Wrenched from its orbit, go drifting away

Behind a scatter of boys. I can see You walking away from me towards the school With the pathos of a half-fledged thing set free Into a wilderness, the gait of one Who finds no path where the path should be.

That hesitant figure, eddying away Like a winged seed loosened from its parent stem, Has something I never quite grasp to convey About nature’s give-and-take - the small, the scorching Ordeals which fire one’s irresolute clay.

I have had worse partings, but none that so Gnaws at my mind still. Perhaps it is roughly Saying what God alone could perfectly show - How selfhood begins with a walking away, And love is proved in the letting go.

Bryson is a fab writer. He hits home.

But hopefully your kid does return to you. As an adult whom you relate to as another adult and just not “your kid”. Best ever.

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/05/opinion/parenting-college-empty-nest-pandemic.html

I don’t have an essay… but the book “Letting Go” is fabulous.

It’s even harder to let them go at 14. Ask me how I know. Every year on the prep forum, we console each other about this choice to allow our children to leave so early. I’ve posted about this “loss” many times, but here and here sum it up.

Hugs to all of you who are anticipating this separation for the first time.

I’m teary eyed reading this thread. I actually cried at the end of every summer vacation when my kids were in school. They’d get in the bus and I’d go inside and bawl my eyes out.

Here’s another heart-tugger written by novelist Elisabeth Egan for her daughter:

Not quite an essay but here is a must read blog post “The Tail End” that riffs on the sobering statistic that at least 93% of all the time that we parents spend in our lifetime with our children is in the past by the time they graduate high school. “Make it count.”

I was raised by a single dad. Even though he died 2 years ago, I'm still learning how to grieve.

• My dad was a Jamaican immigrant who beat all odds and became an entrepreneur. 
• My mom died when I was 19 and I when my dad died many years later, I thought I knew how to grieve.
• But our relationship was different, we had a unique bond, and so the pain was different. 

My dad was the living embodiment of the American dream and my hero. He wasn't a superhero in a billion-dollar blockbuster — he was a real-life miracle worker, seemingly making the impossible a reality.

A Jamaican immigrant with only a fourth-grade education, my father arrived in Providence, Rhode Island , armed with nothing but an indomitable spirit. Against all odds, he became a successful entrepreneur and accomplished his goal of providing a good life for his family.

My earliest memories of my dad are from when he was 40, just two years younger than I am now. That's when he "made it."

In 1994, we moved from our cramped apartment into what was once his workshop. He transformed it into a cozy one-story home and later added a second level. Our new home featured a circular driveway, a white fence, a brick gate, and a balcony off the master bedroom. For a man who grew up with an outside toilet — an outhouse , as they call it back home — and walked his neighborhood streets barefoot, he'd accomplished the ultimate dream, providing a good life for his family.

I thought I knew how to grieve

The bond we shared was unique. We're both Geminis , with birthdays just four days apart, creating a dynamic that often felt like looking into a mirror — sometimes a reflection I wasn't ready to face. He raised me as a single parent after my mom began shuttling between her native Chicago and Providence when I was 9. This was the 90s, a time before FaceTime, emails, or voice notes. Parenting happened through letters, phone calls, and annual visits. Tragically, my mother died when I was 19.

When I lost my dad in 2022, I foolishly thought I knew how to grieve , having already lost my mom. But I was wrong. The relationship was different, and the pain was unlike anything I had ever experienced.

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The only time I didn't see him regularly was during the pandemic, when FaceTime calls from Los Angeles to the East Coast kept us connected. Once we were both vaccinated, I flew home to see him. A few days before I arrived, he suggested a road trip to New Jersey to visit family. I was annoyed at the last-minute change because I already had plans with friends in motion, but I still agreed to take the trip, and I'm so glad that I did. The spontaneous trip to Jersey during Labor Day weekend 2021 took me back to my childhood, filled with road trips to the Jamaica Colosseum Mall in Queens, NY, with old-school soca music providing the soundtrack.

That trip was the last time I saw him.

I still struggle to find the words to describe how I feel

Though the world didn't end during the pandemic, mine shattered. I lost my father under traumatic circumstances — until this day, his case is unsolved and remains a missing persons case. Navigating grief while playing amateur detective and trying to hold on to some semblance of life was the hardest thing I've ever faced. Almost three years later, I still struggle to find the words to articulate how I feel. Through it all, this experience has deepened my empathy and driven me to help others in their grief, believing that no one should have to navigate such pain alone.

This inspiration led me to create " Sorry For Your Loss (Cards) ." This greeting card company and community aim to support those grieving by providing resources and simplifying how to show up for someone you love during the most difficult time in their life. Each card features a heart-shaped QR code, allowing recipients to share how they need people to show up for them because dealing with loss is hard enough — helping someone heal shouldn't be. My hope is to not only support people through their grief but also to help restore their joy. Our community events will reflect this energy, incorporating wellness practices and uplifting activities.

Here's how I honor my dad during Father's Day

While I miss my father terribly, I've found a lot of healing and inspiration through my grief . This doesn't mean I don't have difficult days; it's just changed my outlook on life. Now, I have more appreciation for the people I love and my experiences. I'm also more present than I was in the past.

If your father has transitioned into your guardian angel, here are some heartfelt ways to honor him:

• Write a letter: Pouring your feelings onto paper can be a therapeutic release.
• Visit a significant place: Revisit a location filled with cherished memories.
• Donate: Make a contribution to a charity in your father's honor. Last year, we honored my dad with a memorial at the local library in my childhood neighborhood.
• Gather with friends and family: Surround yourself with loved ones to share stories and love.
• Request letters or videos: Ask family and friends to share their favorite memories of your dad, creating a collection to revisit whenever you miss him.
• Create a dad playlist: Compile songs that remind you of your father.
• Honor yourself: If your relationship with your father was complicated, it's OK to take your time and decide how or if you want to celebrate his life.

There's no right way to grieve. Only you can determine the best way to remember and honor your loved one

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Real Teenagers, Fake Nudes: The Rise of Deepfakes in American Schools

Students are using artificial intelligence to create sexually explicit images of their classmates..

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A disturbing new problem is sweeping American schools: Students are using artificial intelligence to create sexually explicit images of their classmates and then share them without the person depicted even knowing.

Natasha Singer, who covers technology, business and society for The Times, discusses the rise of deepfake nudes and one girl’s fight to stop them.

On today’s episode

Natasha Singer , a reporter covering technology, business and society for The New York Times.

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Using artificial intelligence, middle and high school students have fabricated explicit images of female classmates and shared the doctored pictures.

Spurred by teenage girls, states have moved to ban deepfake nudes .

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