assignment 01.12 first draft

English 2: Module 1: 01.12 First Draft (Pt.2)

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Writing a Paper: Revising

Although sometimes revising and proofreading seem interchangeable, they are, in fact, different. Revision means to see (vision) again (re). Revision is more than proofreading. It is looking back at whole ideas to make sure that everything fits the purpose of the document. It may be looking back at the type of or amount of evidence provided to support the ideas, or it may be looking back at the organization of paragraphs and their relation to one another.

In U.S. academic English, the process of writing is emphasized. In other words, it is expected that a document go through multiple drafts instead of being written once. In fact, experienced writers often say that the majority of their time is spent rewriting, reorganizing, and rewording their first draft.

Writing is also often very personal. Once something is placed on the page, it can be difficult to decide to delete it. True revision, however, may require deletion. It may be necessary to delete entire paragraphs (or entire pages). It might also be necessary to move ideas from one part of the text to another. Do not be afraid of the bigger changes—this is part of the process.

Writers may tend to be more linear or more recursive. A linear writer may have clearly defined steps in the writing process. This type of writer might begin with brainstorming, then produce an outline, then write the draft, then revise the draft, and then proofread the draft. A recursive writer often has a less clearly defined approach. The outline of the document may not be clear until after the first draft is written. The writing and the revision may happen throughout the production of the document. There is no one correct approach to writing, but understanding what type of writer you tend to be may help you to understand the process of writing and where revision occurs in your process.

Revising Strategies

Please read the following pages for some revising strategies.

• Revising in General
• Revising Based on Feedback
• Revising for Focused Ideas
• Revising for Stronger Evidence
• Revising for Effective Organization
• Revising for Scholarly Voice
• Revising for Grammar
• Reflecting & Improving

Also check out our blog posts on revising . We add new posts continually, so check back often.

Our Paper Review Service

Our Paper Review Service is another beneficial way to enhance your revision skills. In addition to the revision strategies listed above, we also encourage you to set up a paper review appointment with our writing instructors to receive individualized feedback on your project. We, at the Writing Center, look forward to partnering with you in your journey to academic writing and revision success!

Applying Feedback in Your Paper Video Playlist

Note that these videos were created while APA 6 was the style guide edition in use. There may be some examples of writing that have not been updated to APA 7 guidelines.

• Applying Feedback in Your Paper: Applying Feedback Principles (video transcript)
• Applying Feedback in Your Paper: Thesis Statement Feedback (video transcript)
• Applying Feedback in Your Paper: Transition Feedback (video transcript)
• Applying Feedback in Your Paper: Paragraph Feedback (video transcript)
• Applying Feedback in Your Paper: Grammar Feedback (video transcript)
• Applying Feedback to Your Paper: APA Feedback (video transcript)
• Applying Feedback to Your Paper: Word Choice Feedback (video transcript)

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• Previous Page: Responding to Counterarguments
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Pluto's Pride: A Tale of Betrayal and Redemption in the

Biener ENG 170 eFolio

• Habits of the Creative Mind

Brief Assignment 1

• Brief Assignment 2
• Major Project
• Additional Materials (optional)

Compositional Analysis

Assignment prompt: image detective compositional analysis, first draft:.

Compositional Analysis of “The Cycle of Despair”

Gordon Parks

“The Cycle of Despair”

In the 1968 photograph entitled “The Cycle of Despair” by Gordon Parks, the power lies in the empty yet distressed wall above the main subject, brought to the center of attention by the connections of the triangle between the boy and the two holes in the top corners of the wall. The framing of the image, the vectors of attention drawing the viewer in, the spatial relations between Parks and the subject, and the metaphoric aspects of the photo all contribute to the power existing in the wall.

Gordon Parks frames the image specifically so the holes occupy the top two corners. The photograph makes the audience flit their eyes between the ugly, loud holes on the left and right of the top of the image, and the calm, sleeping child at the bottom of the picture. The empty wall gives the audience a place to possibly rest their eyes, but also reminds them that there is no complete rest because of the peeling and bumpiness of the wall. The audience is also left wondering what Parks left out of his image. The cropping may leave out other family members, causing the viewers to believe the child has no choice in his life and no means to change it.

The vectors of attention all point to the boy’s face, even though he is not necessarily the most important part of the picture. The lines on the wall and the lines on the blanket lead to the sleeping boy, perhaps to draw attention to the fact that while he may not be the main focus, he is stuck in this cycle and the effects of poverty hit him directly. He is not the center of attention, as it is easy to forget about the real people who endure the hardship associated with living in substandard conditions. The darkness of the boy’s face and blanket in comparison to the lighter wall and pillow could depict the graveness of the boy’s situation. Also, the pillow used by the boy is striped. The stripes bear some resemblance to a prison uniform, evoking the idea that this child is imprisoned by the ongoing cycle of poverty, and generations before him and after him are unable to end it or be freed. These stripes are also diagonal, and diagonal lines are used for imbalance and disequilibrium. This contributes to the uneven proportions between the boy’s space and the wall’s space taken up in the picture, placing the importance of poverty above the individual child’s life.

The subject is a sleeping child whom Parks must stand close to as he captures the image. Children still have their innocence and although the boy may not understand what poverty even is, the poverty is looming over him, much like the wall looming over in the picture. Not only is he a child, but he’s sleeping. It seems a little strange to take a picture of someone without their knowledge, but this could be what Parks is aiming for. He is invading the boy’s personal space in an uncomfortable way, which is meant to reflect on the audience and how they should feel uncomfortable that people, especially little kids, are living like this.

Parks incorporates a possible metaphor in his photograph. The child is asleep and appears peaceful. He seems to be unaware of what’s going on around him; this cycle never ends and goes on without his consciousness of it. This is all he’s ever known, so the child has no reason not to be at ease in his sleep. However, when people sleep, they often dream. Perhaps the boy was dreaming of a better life, where he didn’t have to sleep under a shabby wall. Maybe the holes in the wall are a manifestation of his dream, slowly having his wall crumble and therefore opening up to a new life. This could represent the poverty-stricken life and his attempts to break the cycle.

The audience continually looks at the three points of interest: the boy and the two holes. The holes are presented in such sharp contrast to the boy, with the holes demanding to be noticed and the boy living a quiet existence. The eyes move from the left hole, to the right hole, to the boy, and back to the left hole, literally creating the cyclic motion for which the image is named. When the audience’s eyes need a place to process, they rest them on the wretched wall, reminding the audience that the poor conditions endured by the boy are not going to go away, which is the case for many others in those conditions. Perhaps the power also lies in the audience as they feel a sense of hopelessness, as there is so much going on in the image and it makes them feel quite useless in helping the boy, thus allowing the cycle to keep repeating both metaphorically and literally, as they are drawn back into the initial hole.

Reflection:

To understand an image, the process starts with observing everything you can. Nothing is too small or unimportant. The compositional analysis allowed me to comprehend the deeper meaning of the photo, as I missed many elements at first glance. The most difficult part of the compositional analysis was trying to determine the power of the photo and where it may lie as well as the feeling it creates. Another aspect of the analysis which I struggled with and needed to revise was identifying the photographic techniques Gordon Parks’ used and explicitly naming them. Techniques like framing, cropping, and vectors of attention were expertly utilized by Parks, but I did not understand their purposes within the photo until I revisited my analysis and had a deeper knowledge of those techniques. I enjoyed making connections and discovering hidden messages in the photo, like the metaphor of a dream state or the visual representation of the cycle. In terms of the process of writing itself, the process of “unlearning” how to structure a five paragraph essay was difficult, since it had been ingrained in us since we were young, but it helped with moving through the analysis freely and fully developing ideas. It was important to learn how writing is a process, and the thesis or conclusion can change as the analysis progresses. I didn’t know where the true power of the photo was until after I wrote most of my analysis, and I didn’t have to restructure my entire paper; I could offer a new interpretation in the conclusion. The conclusion is meant to conclude and expand upon the ideas presented throughout, instead of simply restating the introduction.  

Final Draft:

In the 1968 photograph entitled “The Cycle of Despair” by Gordon Parks, the power lies in the empty yet distressed wall above the main subject, brought to the center of attention by the triangular connections between the boy and the two holes in the top corners of the wall. The framing of the image, the vectors of attention drawing the viewer in, the spatial relations between Parks and the subject, and the metaphoric aspects of the photo all contribute to the power existing in the wall.

Gordon Parks frames the sleeping boy directly under the holes occupying the top two corners. The photograph makes the audience flit their eyes between the ugly, loud holes on the left and right of the top of the image, and the calm, sleeping child at the bottom of the picture. The empty wall gives the audience a place to possibly rest their eyes, but also reminds them that there is no complete rest because of the peeling and bumpiness of the wall. The audience is also left wondering what Parks left out of his image. Parks accomplishes this feeling through the use of cropping, which may leave out other family members, causing the viewers to believe the child has no choice in his life and no means to change it. The cropping of the image creates a tension between the boy’s existence and the circumstances of his poverty.

The vectors of attention all point to the boy’s face, even though he is not necessarily the most important part of the picture. The elongated scratches on the wall and the folds in the boy’s blanket create vectors of attention which lead to the sleeping boy, perhaps to emphasize the fact that while he may not be the main focus, he is stuck in this cycle and the effects of poverty hit him directly. He is not the center of attention, and here Parks may be commenting on how easy it is to forget about the real people who endure the hardship associated with living in substandard conditions. The darkness of the boy’s face and blanket in comparison to the lighter wall and pillow also seem to depict the graveness of the boy’s situation. The boy’s pillow is striped, and the stripes act as vectors to draw attention to the boy’s face. The stripes also bear some resemblance to a prison uniform, evoking the idea that this child is imprisoned by the ongoing cycle of poverty, and generations before him and after him are unable to end it or be freed. These stripes are also diagonal, and within a composition, diagonal lines are associated with imbalance and disequilibrium. This contributes to the uneven proportions between the boy’s space and the wall’s space taken up in the picture, placing the importance of poverty above the individual child’s life.

The subject is a sleeping child whom Parks must stand close to as he captures the image. Children still have their innocence and although the boy may not understand what poverty even is, the poverty is looming over him, much like the wall looming over in the picture. Not only is he a child, but he’s sleeping. It seems a little strange to take a picture of someone without their knowledge, but this could be what Parks is aiming for. His close proximity invades the boy’s personal space in an uncomfortable way, which is meant to reflect on the audience and how they should feel uncomfortable that people, especially little kids, are living like this.

Parks compels his audience to focus on three points of interest: the boy and the two holes. The holes are presented in such sharp contrast to the boy, as the holes demand to be noticed and the boy lives a quiet existence. The eyes move from the left hole, to the right hole, to the boy, and back to the left hole, literally creating the cyclic motion for which the image is named. When the audience’s eyes need a place to process, they rest them on the wretched wall, reminding the audience that the poor conditions endured by the boy are not going to go away, which is the case for many others in those conditions. Perhaps the power also lies in the audience as they feel a sense of hopelessness, as there is so much going on in the image and it makes them feel quite useless in helping the boy, thus allowing the cycle to keep repeating both metaphorically and literally, as they are drawn back into the initial hole.

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