personal essays memoir

How to Write a Memoir: Examples and a Step-by-Step Guide

Zining Mok  |  January 29, 2024  |  29 Comments

If you’ve thought about putting your life to the page, you may have wondered how to write a memoir. We start the road to writing a memoir when we realize that a story in our lives demands to be told. As Maya Angelou once wrote, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

How to write a memoir? At first glance, it looks easy enough—easier, in any case, than writing fiction. After all, there is no need to make up a story or characters, and the protagonist is none other than you.

Still, memoir writing carries its own unique challenges, as well as unique possibilities that only come from telling your own true story. Let’s dive into how to write a memoir by looking closely at the craft of memoir writing, starting with a key question: exactly what is a memoir?

How to Write a Memoir: Contents

What is a Memoir?

• Memoir vs Autobiography

Memoir Examples

Short memoir examples.

• How to Write a Memoir: A Step-by-Step Guide

A memoir is a branch of creative nonfiction , a genre defined by the writer Lee Gutkind as “true stories, well told.” The etymology of the word “memoir,” which comes to us from the French, tells us of the human urge to put experience to paper, to remember. Indeed, a memoir is “ something written to be kept in mind .”

A memoir is defined by Lee Gutkind as “true stories, well told.”

For a piece of writing to be called a memoir, it has to be:

• Nonfictional
• Based on the raw material of your life and your memories
• Written from your personal perspective

At this point, memoirs are beginning to sound an awful lot like autobiographies. However, a quick comparison of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love , and The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin , for example, tells us that memoirs and autobiographies could not be more distinct.

Next, let’s look at the characteristics of a memoir and what sets memoirs and autobiographies apart. Discussing memoir vs. autobiography will not only reveal crucial insights into the process of writing a memoir, but also help us to refine our answer to the question, “What is a memoir?”

Memoir vs. Autobiography

While both use personal life as writing material, there are five key differences between memoir and autobiography:

1. Structure

Since autobiographies tell the comprehensive story of one’s life, they are more or less chronological. writing a memoir, however, involves carefully curating a list of personal experiences to serve a larger idea or story, such as grief, coming-of-age, and self-discovery. As such, memoirs do not have to unfold in chronological order.

While autobiographies attempt to provide a comprehensive account, memoirs focus only on specific periods in the writer’s life. The difference between autobiographies and memoirs can be likened to that between a CV and a one-page resume, which includes only select experiences.

The difference between autobiographies and memoirs can be likened to that between a CV and a one-page resume, which includes only select experiences.

Autobiographies prioritize events; memoirs prioritize the writer’s personal experience of those events. Experience includes not just the event you might have undergone, but also your feelings, thoughts, and reflections. Memoir’s insistence on experience allows the writer to go beyond the expectations of formal writing. This means that memoirists can also use fiction-writing techniques , such as scene-setting and dialogue , to capture their stories with flair.

4. Philosophy

Another key difference between the two genres stems from the autobiography’s emphasis on facts and the memoir’s reliance on memory. Due to memory’s unreliability, memoirs ask the reader to focus less on facts and more on emotional truth. In addition, memoir writers often work the fallibility of memory into the narrative itself by directly questioning the accuracy of their own memories.

Memoirs ask the reader to focus less on facts and more on emotional truth.

5. Audience

While readers pick up autobiographies to learn about prominent individuals, they read memoirs to experience a story built around specific themes . Memoirs, as such, tend to be more relatable, personal, and intimate. Really, what this means is that memoirs can be written by anybody!

Ready to be inspired yet? Let’s now turn to some memoir examples that have received widespread recognition and captured our imaginations!

If you’re looking to lose yourself in a book, the following memoir examples are great places to begin:

• The Year of Magical Thinking , which chronicles Joan Didion’s year of mourning her husband’s death, is certainly one of the most powerful books on grief. Written in two short months, Didion’s prose is urgent yet lucid, compelling from the first page to the last. A few years later, the writer would publish Blue Nights , another devastating account of grief, only this time she would be mourning her daughter.
• Patti Smith’s Just Kids is a classic coming-of-age memoir that follows the author’s move to New York and her romance and friendship with the artist Robert Maplethorpe. In its pages, Smith captures the energy of downtown New York in the late sixties and seventies effortlessly.
• When Breath Becomes Air begins when Paul Kalanithi, a young neurosurgeon, is diagnosed with terminal cancer. Exquisite and poignant, this memoir grapples with some of the most difficult human experiences, including fatherhood, mortality, and the search for meaning.
• A memoir of relationship abuse, Carmen Maria Machado’s In the Dream House is candid and innovative in form. Machado writes about thorny and turbulent subjects with clarity, even wit. While intensely personal, In the Dream House is also one of most insightful pieces of cultural criticism.
• Twenty-five years after leaving for Canada, Michael Ondaatje returns to his native Sri Lanka to sort out his family’s past. The result is Running in the Family , the writer’s dazzling attempt to reconstruct fragments of experiences and family legends into a portrait of his parents’ and grandparents’ lives. (Importantly, Running in the Family was sold to readers as a fictional memoir; its explicit acknowledgement of fictionalization prevented it from encountering the kind of backlash that James Frey would receive for fabricating key facts in A Million Little Pieces , which he had sold as a memoir . )
• Of the many memoirs published in recent years, Tara Westover’s Educated is perhaps one of the most internationally-recognized. A story about the struggle for self-determination, Educated recounts the writer’s childhood in a survivalist family and her subsequent attempts to make a life for herself. All in all, powerful, thought-provoking, and near impossible to put down.

While book-length memoirs are engaging reads, the prospect of writing a whole book can be intimidating. Fortunately, there are plenty of short, essay-length memoir examples that are just as compelling.

While memoirists often write book-length works, you might also consider writing a memoir that’s essay-length. Here are some short memoir examples that tell complete, lived stories, in far fewer words:

• “ The Book of My Life ” offers a portrait of a professor that the writer, Aleksandar Hemon, once had as a child in communist Sarajevo. This memoir was collected into Hemon’s The Book of My Lives , a collection of essays about the writer’s personal history in wartime Yugoslavia and subsequent move to the US.
• “The first time I cheated on my husband, my mother had been dead for exactly one week.” So begins Cheryl Strayed’s “ The Love of My Life ,” an essay that the writer eventually expanded into the best-selling memoir, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail .
• In “ What We Hunger For ,” Roxane Gay weaves personal experience and a discussion of The Hunger Games into a powerful meditation on strength, trauma, and hope. “What We Hunger For” can also be found in Gay’s essay collection, Bad Feminist .
• A humorous memoir structured around David Sedaris and his family’s memories of pets, “ The Youth in Asia ” is ultimately a story about grief, mortality and loss. This essay is excerpted from the memoir Me Talk Pretty One Day , and a recorded version can be found here .

So far, we’ve 1) answered the question “What is a memoir?” 2) discussed differences between memoirs vs. autobiographies, 3) taken a closer look at book- and essay-length memoir examples. Next, we’ll turn the question of how to write a memoir.

How to Write a Memoir: A-Step-by-Step Guide

1. how to write a memoir: generate memoir ideas.

how to start a memoir? As with anything, starting is the hardest. If you’ve yet to decide what to write about, check out the “ I Remember ” writing prompt. Inspired by Joe Brainard’s memoir I Remember , this prompt is a great way to generate a list of memories. From there, choose one memory that feels the most emotionally charged and begin writing your memoir. It’s that simple! If you’re in need of more prompts, our Facebook group is also a great resource.

2. How to Write a Memoir: Begin drafting

My most effective advice is to resist the urge to start from “the beginning.” Instead, begin with the event that you can’t stop thinking about, or with the detail that, for some reason, just sticks. The key to drafting is gaining momentum . Beginning with an emotionally charged event or detail gives us the drive we need to start writing.

3. How to Write a Memoir: Aim for a “ shitty first draft ”

Now that you have momentum, maintain it. Attempting to perfect your language as you draft makes it difficult to maintain our impulses to write. It can also create self-doubt and writers’ block. Remember that most, if not all, writers, no matter how famous, write shitty first drafts.

Attempting to perfect your language as you draft makes it difficult to maintain our impulses to write.

4. How to Write a Memoir: Set your draft aside

Once you have a first draft, set it aside and fight the urge to read it for at least a week. Stephen King recommends sticking first drafts in your drawer for at least six weeks. This period allows writers to develop the critical distance we need to revise and edit the draft that we’ve worked so hard to write.

5. How to Write a Memoir: Reread your draft

While reading your draft, note what works and what doesn’t, then make a revision plan. While rereading, ask yourself:

• What’s underdeveloped, and what’s superfluous.
• Does the structure work?
• What story are you telling?

6. How to Write a Memoir: Revise your memoir and repeat steps 4 & 5 until satisfied

Every piece of good writing is the product of a series of rigorous revisions. Depending on what kind of writer you are and how you define a draft,” you may need three, seven, or perhaps even ten drafts. There’s no “magic number” of drafts to aim for, so trust your intuition. Many writers say that a story is never, truly done; there only comes a point when they’re finished with it. If you find yourself stuck in the revision process, get a fresh pair of eyes to look at your writing.

7. How to Write a Memoir: Edit, edit, edit!

Once you’re satisfied with the story, begin to edit the finer things (e.g. language, metaphor , and details). Clean up your word choice and omit needless words , and check to make sure you haven’t made any of these common writing mistakes . Be sure to also know the difference between revising and editing —you’ll be doing both. Then, once your memoir is ready, send it out !

Learn How to Write a Memoir at Writers.com

Writing a memoir for the first time can be intimidating. But, keep in mind that anyone can learn how to write a memoir. Trust the value of your own experiences: it’s not about the stories you tell, but how you tell them. Most importantly, don’t give up!

Anyone can learn how to write a memoir.

If you’re looking for additional feedback, as well as additional instruction on how to write a memoir, check out our schedule of nonfiction classes . Now, get started writing your memoir!

29 Comments

Thank you for this website. It’s very engaging. I have been writing a memoir for over three years, somewhat haphazardly, based on the first half of my life and its encounters with ignorance (religious restrictions, alcohol, and inability to reach out for help). Three cities were involved: Boston as a youngster growing up and going to college, then Washington DC and Chicago North Shore as a married woman with four children. I am satisfied with some chapters and not with others. Editing exposes repetition and hopefully discards boring excess. Reaching for something better is always worth the struggle. I am 90, continue to be a recital pianist, a portrait painter, and a writer. Hubby has been dead for nine years. Together we lept a few of life’s chasms and I still miss him. But so far, my occupations keep my brain working fairly well, especially since I don’t smoke or drink (for the past 50 years).

Hi Mary Ellen,

It sounds like a fantastic life for a memoir! Thank you for sharing, and best of luck finishing your book. Let us know when it’s published!

Best, The writers.com Team

Hello Mary Ellen,

I am contacting you because your last name (Lavelle) is my middle name!

Being interested in genealogy I have learned that this was my great grandfathers wife’s name (Mary Lavelle), and that her family emigrated here about 1850 from County Mayo, Ireland. That is also where my fathers family came from.

Is your family background similar?

Hope to hear back from you.

Richard Lavelle Bourke

Hi Mary Ellen: Have you finished your memoir yet? I just came across your post and am seriously impressed that you are still writing. I discovered it again at age 77 and don’t know what I would do with myself if I couldn’t write. All the best to you!! Sharon [email protected]

I am up to my eyeballs with a research project and report for a non-profit. And some paid research for an international organization. But as today is my 90th birthday, it is time to retire and write a memoir.

So I would like to join a list to keep track of future courses related to memoir / creative non-fiction writing.

Hi Frederick,

Happy birthday! And happy retirement as well. I’ve added your name and email to our reminder list for memoir courses–when we post one on our calendar, we’ll send you an email.

We’ll be posting more memoir courses in the near future, likely for the months of January and February 2022. We hope to see you in one!

Very interesting and informative, I am writing memoirs from my long often adventurous and well travelled life, have had one very short story published. Your advice on several topics will be extremely helpful. I write under my schoolboy nickname Barnaby Rudge.

[…] How to Write a Memoir: Examples and a Step-by-Step Guide […]

I am writing my memoir from my memory when I was 5 years old and now having left my birthplace I left after graduation as a doctor I moved to UK where I have been living. In between I have spent 1 year in Canada during my training year as paediatrician. I also spent nearly 2 years with British Army in the hospital as paediatrician in Germany. I moved back to UK to work as specialist paediatrician in a very busy general hospital outside London for the next 22 years. Then I retired from NHS in 2012. I worked another 5 years in Canada until 2018. I am fully retired now

I have the whole convoluted story of my loss and horrid aftermath in my head (and heart) but have no clue WHERE, in my story to begin. In the middle of the tragedy? What led up to it? Where my life is now, post-loss, and then write back and forth? Any suggestions?

My friend Laura who referred me to this site said “Start”! I say to you “Start”!

Hi Dee, that has been a challenge for me.i dont know where to start?

What was the most painful? Embarrassing? Delicious? Unexpected? Who helped you? Who hurt you? Pick one story and let that lead you to others.

I really enjoyed this writing about memoir. I ve just finished my own about my journey out of my city then out of my country to Egypt to study, Never Say Can’t, God Can Do It. Infact memoir writing helps to live the life you are writing about again and to appreciate good people you came across during the journey. Many thanks for sharing what memoir is about.

I am a survivor of gun violence, having witnessed my adult son being shot 13 times by police in 2014. I have struggled with writing my memoir because I have a grandson who was 18-months old at the time of the tragedy and was also present, as was his biological mother and other family members. We all struggle with PTSD because of this atrocity. My grandson’s biological mother was instrumental in what happened and I am struggling to write the story in such a way as to not cast blame – thus my dilemma in writing the memoir. My grandson was later adopted by a local family in an open adoption and is still a big part of my life. I have considered just writing it and waiting until my grandson is old enough to understand all the family dynamics that were involved. Any advice on how I might handle this challenge in writing would be much appreciated.

I decided to use a ghost writer, and I’m only part way in the process and it’s worth every penny!

Hi. I am 44 years old and have had a roller coaster life .. right as a young kid seeing his father struggle to financial hassles, facing legal battles at a young age and then health issues leading to a recent kidney transplant. I have been working on writing a memoir sharing my life story and titled it “A memoir of growth and gratitude” Is it a good idea to write a memoir and share my story with the world?

Thank you… this was very helpful. I’m writing about the troubling issues of my mental health, and how my life was seriously impacted by that. I am 68 years old.

[…] Writers.com: How to Write a Memoir […]

[…] Writers.com: “How to Write a Memoir” […]

I am so grateful that I found this site! I am inspired and encouraged to start my memoir because of the site’s content and the brave people that have posted in the comments.

Finding this site is going into my gratitude journey 🙂

We’re grateful you found us too, Nichol! 🙂

Firstly, I would like to thank you for all the info pertaining to memoirs. I believe am on the right track, am at the editing stage and really have to use an extra pair of eyes. I’m more motivated now to push it out and complete it. Thanks for the tips it was very helpful, I have a little more confidence it seeing the completion.

Well, I’m super excited to begin my memoir. It’s hard trying to rely on memories alone, but I’m going to give it a shot!

Thanks to everyone who posted comments, all of which have inspired me to get on it.

Best of luck to everyone! Jody V.

I was thrilled to find this material on How to Write A Memoir. When I briefly told someone about some of my past experiences and how I came to the United States in the company of my younger brother in a program with a curious name, I was encouraged by that person and others to write my life history.

Based on the name of that curious program through which our parents sent us to the United States so we could leave the place of our birth, and be away from potentially difficult situations in our country.

As I began to write my history I took as much time as possible to describe all the different steps that were taken. At this time – I have been working on this project for 5 years and am still moving ahead. The information I received through your material has further encouraged me to move along. I am very pleased to have found this important material. Thank you!

Wow! This is such an informative post packed with tangible guidance. I poured my heart into a book. I’ve been a professional creative for years to include as a writer, mainly in the ad game and content. No editor. I wasn’t trying to make it as an author. Looking back, I think it’s all the stuff I needed to say. Therapy. Which does not, in and of itself, make for a coherent book. The level of writing garnering praise, but the book itself was a hot mess. So, this is helpful. I really put myself out there, which I’ve done in many areas, but the crickets response really got to me this time. I bought “Educated” as you recommended. Do you have any blog posts on memoirs that have something to say to the world, finding that “something” to say? It feels like that’s theme, but perhaps something more granular. Thanks for this fantastic post. If I had the moola, I would sign up for a class. Your time is and effort is appreciated. Typos likely on comments! LOL

thanks. God bless

I am a member of the “Reprobates”, a group of seven retired Royal Air Force pilots and navigators which has stayed in intermittent touch since we first met in Germany in 1969. Four of the group (all of whom are in their late seventies or early eighties) play golf together quite frequently, and we all gather for reunions once or twice a year. About a year ago, one of the Reprobates suggested posterity might be glad to hear the stories told at these gatherings, and there have since been two professionally conducted recording sessions, one in London, and one in Tarifa, Spain. The instigator of these recordings forwarded your website to his fellow Reprobates by way of encouragement to put pen to paper. And, I, for one, have found it inspiring. It’s high time I made a start on my Memoirs, thank you.

Thank you for sharing this, Tim! Happy writing!

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18 Essay-Length Short Memoirs to Read Online on Your Lunch Break

Emily Polson

Emily Polson is a freelance writer and publishing assistant at Simon & Schuster. Originally from central Iowa, she studied English and creative writing at Belhaven University in Jackson, Mississippi, before moving to a small Basque village to teach English to trilingual teenagers. Now living in Brooklyn, she can often be found meandering through Prospect Park listening to a good audiobook. Twitter: @emilycpolson | https://emilycpolson.wordpress.com/

View All posts by Emily Polson

I love memoirs and essays, so the genre of essay-length short memoirs is one of my favorites. I love delving into the details of other people’s lives. The length allows me to read broadly on a whim with minimal commitment. In roughly 5–30 minutes, I can consume a complete morsel of literature, which always leaves me happier than the same amount of time spent doom-scrolling through my various social news feeds.

What are short memoirs? 

What exactly are short memoirs? I define them as essay-length works that weave together life experiences around a central theme. You see examples of short memoirs all the time on sites like Buzzfeed and The New York Times . Others are stand-alone pieces published in essay collections.

Memoir essays were my gateway into reading full-length memoirs. It was not until I took a college class on creative nonfiction that I realized memoirs were not just autobiographies of people with exciting lives. Anyone with any amount of life experience can write a memoir—no dramatic childhood or odd-defying life accomplishments required. A short memoir might be an account of a single, life-changing event, or it may be reflection on a period of growth or transition.

Of course, when a young adult tells people she likes writing creative nonfiction—not journalism or technical writing—she hears a lot of, “You’re too young to write a memoir!” and “What could someone your age possibly have to write about?!” As Flannery O’Connor put it, however, “The fact is that anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days. If you can’t make something out of a little experience, you probably won’t be able to make it out of a lot. The writer’s business is to contemplate experience, not to be merged in it.”

Memoir essay examples

As the lit magazine Creative Nonfiction puts it, personal essays are just “True stories, well told.” And everyone has life stories worth telling.

Here are a few of my favorite memoir examples that are essay length.

SHORT MEMOIRS ABOUT GROWING UP

Scaachi koul, “there’s no recipe for growing up”.

In this delightful essay, Koul talks about trying to learn the secrets of her mother’s Kashmiri cooking after growing up a first-generation American. The story is full of vivid descriptions and anecdotal details that capture something so specific it transcends to the realm of universal. It’s smart, it’s funny, and it’ll break your heart a little as Koul describes “trying to find my mom at the bottom of a 20-quart pot.”

ASHLEY C. FORD, “THE YEAR I GREW WILDLY WHILE MEN LOOKED ON”

This memoir essay is for all the girls who went through puberty early in a world that sexualizes children’s bodies. Ford weaves together her experiences of feeling at odds with her body, of being seen as a “distraction” to adult men, of being Black and fatherless and hungry for love. She writes, “It was evident that who I was inside, who I wanted to be, didn’t match the intentions of my body. Outside, there was no little girl to be loved innocently. My body was a barrier.”

Kaveh Akbar, “How I Found Poetry in Childhood Prayer”

Akbar writes intense, searing poetry, but this personal essay contextualizes one of his sweetest poems, “Learning to Pray,” which is cradled in the middle of it. He describes how he fell in love with the movement, the language, and the ceremony of his Muslim family’s nightly prayers. Even though he didn’t (and doesn’t) speak Arabic, Akbar points to the musicality of these phonetically-learned hymns as “the bedrock upon which I’ve built my understanding of poetry as a craft and as a meditative practice.” Reading this essay made me want to reread his debut poetry collection, Calling a Wolf a Wolf , all over again.

JIA TOLENTINO, “LOSING RELIGION AND FINDING ECSTASY IN HOUSTON”

New Yorker staff writer Jia Tolentino grew up attending a Houston megachurch she referred to as “the Repentagon.” In this personal essay, she describes vivid childhood memories of her time there, discussing how some of the very things she learned from the church contributed to her growing ambivalence toward it and its often hypocritical congregants. “Christianity formed my deepest instincts,” she writes, “and I have been walking away from it for half my life.” As the essay title suggests, this walking away coincided with her early experiences taking MDMA, which offered an uncanny similarity to her experience of religious devotion.

funny short memoirs

Patricia lockwood, “insane after coronavirus”.

Author Patricia Lockwood caught COVID-19 in early March 2020. In addition to her physical symptoms, she chronicled the bizarre delusions she experienced while society also collectively operated under the delusion that this whole thing would blow over quickly. Lockwood has a preternatural ability to inject humor into any situation, even the dire ones, by highlighting choice absurdities. This is a rare piece of pandemic writing that will make you laugh instead of cry–unless it makes you cry from laughing.

Harrison Scott Key,  “My Dad Tried to Kill Me with an Alligator”

This personal essay is a tongue-in-cheek story about the author’s run-in with an alligator on the Pearl River in Mississippi. Looking back on the event as an adult, Key considers his father’s tendencies in light of his own, now that he himself is a dad. He explores this relationship further in his book-length memoir, The World’s Largest Man , but this humorous essay stands on its own. (I also had the pleasure of hearing him read this aloud during my school’s homecoming weekend, as Key is an alumnus of my alma mater.)

David Sedaris, “Me Talk Pretty One Day”

Sedaris’s humor is in a league of its own, and he’s at his best in the title essay from Me Talk Pretty One Day . In it, he manages to capture the linguistic hilarities that ensue when you combine a sarcastic, middle-aged French student with a snarky French teacher.

SAMANTHA IRBY, “THE WORST FRIEND DATE I EVER HAD”

Samantha Irby is one of my favorite humorists writing today, and this short memoir essay about the difficulty of making friends as an adult is a great introduction to her. Be prepared for secondhand cringe when you reach the infamous moment she asks a waiter, “Are you familiar with my work?” After reading this essay, you’ll want to be, so check out Wow, No Thank You . next.

Bill Bryson, “Coming Home”

Bryson has the sly, subtle humor that only comes from Americans who have spent considerable time living among dry-humored Brits. In “Coming Home,” he talks about the strange sensation of returning to America after spending his first twenty years of adulthood in England. This personal essay is the first in a book-length work called I’m a Stranger Here Myself , in which Bryson revisits American things that feel like novelties to outsiders and the odd former expat like himself.

Thought-provoking Short memoirs

Tommy orange, “how native american is native american enough”.

Many people claim some percentage of Indigenous ancestry, but how much is enough to “count”? Novelist Tommy Orange–author of There There –deconstructs this concept, discussing his relationship to his Native father, his Certificate of Degree of Indian Blood, and his son, who will not be considered “Native enough” to join him as an enrolled member of the Cheyenne and Arapaho Tribes. “ How come math isn’t taught with stakes?” he asks in this short memoir full of lingering questions that will challenge the way you think about heritage. 

Christine Hyung-Oak Lee, “I Had a Stroke at 33”

Lee’s story is interesting not just because she had a stroke at such a young age, but because of how she recounts an experience that was characterized by forgetting. She says that after her stroke, “For a month, every moment of the day was like the moment upon wakening before you figure out where you are, what time it is.” With this personal essay, she draws readers into that fragmented headspace, then weaves something coherent and beautiful from it.

Kyoko Mori, “A Difficult Balance: Am I a Writer or a Teacher?”

In this refreshing essay, Mori discusses balancing “the double calling” of being a writer and a teacher. She admits that teaching felt antithetical to her sense of self when she started out in a classroom of apathetic college freshmen. When she found her way into teaching an MFA program, however, she discovered that fostering a sanctuary for others’ words and ideas felt closer to a “calling.” While in some ways this makes the balance of shifting personas easier, she says it creates a different kind of dread: “Teaching, if it becomes more than a job, might swallow me whole and leave nothing for my life as a writer.” This memoir essay is honest, well-structured, and layered with plenty of anecdotal details to draw in the reader.

Alex Tizon, “My Family’s Slave”

In this heartbreaking essay, Tizon pays tribute to the memory of Lola, the domestic slave who raised him and his siblings. His family brought her with them when they emigrated to America from the Philippines. He talks about the circumstances that led to Lola’s enslavement, the injustice she endured throughout her life, and his own horror at realizing the truth about her role in his family as he grew up. While the story is sad enough to make you cry, there are small moments of hope and redemption. Alex discusses what he tried to do for Lola as an adult and how, upon her death, he traveled to her family’s village to return her ashes.

Classic short memoirs

James baldwin, “notes of a native son”.

This memoir essay comes from Baldwin’s collection of the same name. In it, he focuses on his relationship with his father, who died when Baldwin was 19. He also wrestles with growing up black in a time of segregation, touching on the historical treatment of black soldiers and the Harlem Riot of 1943. His vivid descriptions and honest narration draw you into his transition between frustration, hatred, confusion, despair, and resilience.

JOAN DIDION,  “GOODBYE TO ALL THAT”

Didion is one of the foremost literary memoirists of the twentieth century, combining journalistic precision with self-aware introspection. In “Goodbye to All That,” Didion recounts moving to New York as a naïve 20-year-old and leaving as a disillusioned 28-year-old. She captures the mystical awe with which outsiders view the Big Apple, reflecting on her youthful perspective that life was still limitless, “that something extraordinary would happen any minute, any day, any month.”  This essay concludes her masterful collection,   Slouching Towards Bethlehem .

Tim O’Brien, “The Things They Carried”

This is the title essay from O’Brien’s collection, The Things They Carried . It’s technically labeled a work of fiction, but because the themes and anecdotes are pulled from O’Brien’s own experience in the Vietnam War, it blurs the lines between fact and fiction enough to be included here. (I’m admittedly predisposed to this classification because a college writing professor of mine included it on our creative nonfiction syllabus.) The essay paints an intimate portrait of a group of soldiers by listing the things they each carry with them, both physical and metaphorical. It contains one of my favorite lines in all of literature: “They all carried ghosts.”

Multi-Media Short Memoirs

Allie brosh, “richard”.

In this blog post/webcomic, Allie Brosh tells the hilarious story about the time as a child that she, 1) realized neighbors exist, and 2) repeatedly snuck into her neighbor’s house, took his things, and ultimately kidnapped his cat. Her signature comic style drives home the humor in a way that will split your sides. The essay is an excerpt from Brosh’s second book, Solutions and Other Problems , but the web version includes bonus photos and backstory. For even more Allie classics, check out “Adventures in Depression” and “Depression Part Two.”

George Watsky, “Ask Me What I’m Doing Tonight”

Watsky is a rapper and spoken word poet who built his following on YouTube. Before he made it big, however, he spent five years performing for groups of college students across the Midwest. “Ask Me What I’m Doing Tonight!” traces that soul-crushing monotony while telling a compelling story about trying to connect with people despite such transience. It’s the most interesting essay about boredom you’ll ever read, or in this case watch—he filmed a short film version of the essay for his YouTube channel. Like his music, Watsky’s personal essays are vulnerable, honest, and crude, and the whole collection, How to Ruin Everything , is worth reading.

If you’re looking for even more short memoirs, keep an eye on these pages from Literary Hub , Buzzfeed , and Creative Nonfiction . You can also delve into these 25 nonfiction essays you can read online and these 100 must-read essay collections . Also be sure to check out the “Our Reading Lives” tag right here on Book Riot, where you’ll find short memoirs like “Searching for Little Free Libraries as a Way to Say Goodbye” and “How I Overcame My Fear of Reading Contemporary Poets.”

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The Personal Memoir

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Because the personal memoir is more demanding than the personal essay, for both writer and reader, it doesn’t fit into introductory courses as well as the personal essay. An intermediate level course is a good place to introduce the memoir. However, if the instructor takes the time to explain and introduce the memoir form, it can be adapted for introductory courses.

Difference Between the Personal Essay and the Memoir

While the personal essay can be about almost anything, the memoir tends to discuss past events. Memoir is similar to the personal essay, except that the memoir tends to focus more on striking or life-changing events. The personal essay can be a relatively light reflection about what’s going on in your life right now.

Where the personal essay explores, free from any need to interpret, the memoir interprets, analyzes, and seeks the deeper meaning beneath the surface experience of particular events. The memoir continually asks the following questions:

• Why was this event of particular significance?
• What did it mean?
• Why is it important?

In this sense, the memoir is heavier than the personal essay, and it mines the past to shed light on the present. The memoir seeks to make sense of an individual life. The questions that are left unanswered in Wole Soyinka’s essay from the personal essay resource, Why do I Fast? are answered in the memoir.

Generating Ideas for Personal Memoirs

Moore’s memoir exercise from The Truth of the Matter: Art and Craft in Creative Nonfiction is useful in both beginning and intermediate courses:

“Make a list of six to ten events or circumstances in your own life, or the lives of those very close to you, that still provoke your curiosity. Mine your own life for the events and circumstances that still raise questions in your mind. Once you have the list (and this list should be private - don’t share it with others - and don’t hold back because you think someone else will be looking), pick one of the questions on the list that you are willing to explore.“

The potential questions Moore asks in this exercise are meant to be answered in the memoir. While the memoir tries to make sense of experience, it also shares something in common with the personal essay - the exploration of the question, and the process of trying to arrive at an answer, is at least as important as the answer or resolution you may arrive at.

Writing the memoir is not a simple Q & A with yourself; rather, the complicated process of trying to seek the answers is what makes the memoir engaging to write, and read. Here is an example from Carlos Fuentes’ How I Started to Write :

Fuentes is constantly questioning and answering, interpreting and analyzing his experience, trying to make sense of why and how he did what he did in order to become a writer. He seeks answers and tries to make sense of his life by interpreting his own experience, the cultural and political life of his time, the meaning of language and literary influence, and by stepping over imagined nationalist borders.

Write a Great Memoir: How to Start (and Actually Finish) Your First Draft

by Joe Bunting | 1 comment

When I first started writing my memoir, Crowdsourcing Paris , about a real-life adventure I experienced with my wife and ten-month-old son, I thought it was going to be easy.

After all, by that point in my career, I had already written four books, two of which became bestsellers. I’ve got this, I thought. Simple.

It wasn’t. By the time Crowdsourcing Paris was published and became a #1 New Release on Amazon, it was more than five years later. During that time, I made just about every mistake, but I also learned a process that will reliably help anyone to start and finish writing a great memoir.

My memoir, Crowdsourcing Paris , as a #1 New Release on Amazon!

In this guide, I want to talk about how you can start writing your memoir, how you can actually finish it, and how you can make sure it’s good .

If you read this article from start to finish, it will save you hundreds of hours and result in a much better finished memoir.

Hot tip : Throughout this guide, I will be referencing my memoir Crowdsourcing Paris as an example. To get the most out of this guide and the memoir writing process in general, get a copy of the book to use as an example. Order your copy here »

But Wait! What Is a Memoir? (Memoir Definition)

How do you know if you're writing a memoir? Here's a quick memoir definition:

A memoir is a book length account or autobiography about a real life situation or event. It usually includes a pivotal experience in your life journey.

A key point to make is that memoir is a  true story . You don't have to get every piece of dialogue perfect, but you do have to try to tell the personal story or experience as best as you remember.

If you're looking to fictionalize your real life account you're writing a novel, not a memoir (and specifically a roman à clef novel ).

For more on the difference between a novel and a memoir, check out this coaching video:

How to Get Started With Your Memoir: 10 Steps Before You Start Writing

This guide is broken into sections: what to do before you start writing and how to write your first draft.

When most people decide to write a memoir, they just start writing. They write about the first life experience they can think of.

That’s sort of what I did too. I just started writing about my trip to Paris, beginning with how I first decided to go as a way to become a “real writer.” It turned out to be the biggest mistake I made.

If you want to finish your memoir, and even more, write a good memoir, just starting with the first memory you can think of will make things much harder for you.

Instead, get started with a memoir plan.

What’s a memoir plan? There are ten elements. Let’s break it down.

Get the memoir plan in a downloadable worksheet. Click to download your memoir plan »

1. Write Your Memoir Premise in One Sentence

The first part of a memoir plan is your premise. A premise is a one-sentence summary of your book idea.

You might be wondering, how can I summarize my entire life in a single sentence?

The answer is, you can’t. Memoir isn’t a full autobiography. It’s not meant to be a historical account of your entire life story. Instead, it should share one specific situation and what you learned from that situation.

Every memoir premise should contain three things:

• A Character. For your memoir, that character will always be you . For the purposes of your premise, though, it’s a good idea to practice thinking of yourself as the main character of your story. So describe yourself in third person and use one descriptive adjective, e.g. a cautious writer.
• A Situation. Memoirs are about a specific event, situation, or experience. For example, Marion Roach Smith’s bestselling memoir was about the discovery that her mother had Alzheimer’s, which at the time was a fairly unknown illness. My memoir, Crowdsourcing Paris , begins on the first day of my trip to Paris and ends on the day I left. You can’t write about everything, at least in this book. But you can write about one thing well, and save all the other ideas for the next book.
• A Lesson. What life lesson did you learn from this situation? How did your life change inexorably after going through this situation? Again, here you can’t write about everything you’ve ever learned. Choose ONE life lesson or emotional truth and focus on it.

Want to see how a premise actually looks? Here’s an example from my memoir Crowdsourcing Paris :

When a Cautious Writer is forced by his audience to do uncomfortable adventures in Paris he learns the best stories come when you get out of your comfort zone.

One thing to note: a premise is not a book description. My book description, which you can see here , is totally different from the premise. It’s more suspenseful and also less detailed in some ways. That’s because the purpose of a premise isn’t to sell books.

What is the premise of your memoir? Share it in the comments below!

2. Set a Deadline to Finish Your First Draft

Or if you’ve already finished a draft, set a deadline to finish your next draft.

This is crucial to do now , before you do anything else. Why? Because there are parts of the memoir plan that you can spend months, even years on. But while planning is helpful, it can easily become a distraction if you don’t get to the writing part of the process.

That’s why you want to put a time limit on your planning by setting a deadline.

How long should the deadline be?

Stephen King says you should write a first draft in no longer than a season. So ninety days.

In my 100 Day Book program, we’ve helped hundreds of memoir writers finish their book in just 100 days. To me, that’s a good amount of time to finish a first draft.

However, I wouldn’t take any longer than 100 days. Writing a book requires a level of focus that’s difficult to achieve over a long period of time. If you set your deadline for longer than 100 days, you might never finish.

Also set weekly milestones.

In addition to your final deadline, I recommend breaking up the writing process into weekly milestones.

If you’re going to write a 65,000-word memoir over 100 days, let’s say, then divide 65,000 by the number of weeks (about 14) to get your weekly word count goal: about 4,600 words per week.

That will give you a sense of how much progress you’re making each week, so you won’t be in a huge rush to finish right at the end of your deadline. After all, no one can pull an all-nighter and finish a book! Create a writing habit that will enable you to actually finish your book.

Keep track of your word count deadlines.

By the way, this is one reason I love Scrivener , my favorite book writing software , because it allows you to set a target deadline and word count. Then Scrivener automatically calculates how much you need to write every day to reach your deadline.

It’s a great way to keep track of your deadline and how much more you have to write. Check out my review of Scrivener to learn more.

3. Create Consequences to Make Quitting Hard

I’ve learned from experience that a deadline alone isn’t enough. You also have to give your deadline teeth .

Writing a book is hard. To make sure that you show up to the page and do the work you need to finish, you need to make it harder to not write.

How? By creating consequences.

I learned this from a friend of mine, writer and book marketing expert Tim Grahl .

“If you really want to finish your book,” he told me, “write a check for $1,000 to a charity you hate. Then give that check to a friend with instructions to send it if you don’t hit your deadline.”

“I don’t need to do that,” I told him. “I’m a pro. I have discipline.” But a month later, after I still hadn’t made any progress on my memoir, I finally decided to take his advice.

This was during the 2016 U.S. presidential election. So I wrote a $1,000 check to the presidential candidate that I most disliked (who shall remain nameless!), and gave it to a friend with instructions to send the check if I didn’t hit my final deadline.

I also created smaller consequences for the weekly deadlines, which I highly recommend. Here’s how it works:

Consequence #1 : Small consequence, preferably related to a guilty pleasure that might keep you from writing. For example, giving up a game on your phone or watching TV until you finish your book.

Consequence #2 : Giving up a guilty pleasure. For example, giving up ice cream, soda, or alcohol until you finish your book.

Consequence #3 : Send the $1,000 check to the charity you hate.

Each of these would happen if I missed three weekly deadlines. If I missed the final deadline, then just the $1,000 check would get sent.

After I put in each of these consequences, I was the most focused and productive I’ve ever been in my life. I finished my book in just nine weeks and never missed a deadline.

If you actually want to finish your memoir, give this process a try. I think you’ll be surprised by how well it works for you.

4. Decide What Kind of Story You’re Telling

Now that you’ve set your deadline, start thinking about what kind of book you’re writing. What is your story really about?

“Memoir is about something you know after something you’ve been through,” says Marion Roach Smith, author of The Memoir Project .

I think there are seven types of stories that most memoirs are about.

• Coming of Age. A story about a young person finding their place in the world. A great example is 7 Story Mountain  by Thomas Merton.
• Education. An education story , according to Kim Kessler and Story Grid, is about a naive character who, through the course of the story, comes to a bigger understanding of the world that gives meaning to their existing life. My memoir, Crowdsourcing Paris , is a great example of an education memoir.
• Love. A love story is about a romantic relationship, either the story of a breakup or of two characters coming together. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert is a great example of a love story memoir, as it tells the story of her divorce and then re-discovering herself and love as she travels the world.
• Adventure/Action. All adventure stories are about life and death situations. Also, most travel memoirs are adventure stories. Wild by Cheryl Strayed is a great example, and Crowdsourcing Paris is also an adventure story. (You can apply the principles from our How to Write Adventure guide here , too!)
• Performance. Performance memoirs are about a big competition or a competitive pursuit. Julie and Julia , Julie Powell’s memoir about cooking her way through Julia Child’s recipes, is a good example of a performance memoir. Outlaw Platoon , about the longest-serving Ranger platoon in Afghanistan, is another great performance story.
• Thriller. Memoirs about abuse or even an illness could fall into the crime, horror, or thriller arena. (Our full guide on How to Write a Thriller is here .)
• Society. What is wrong with society? And how can you rebel against the status quo? Society stories are very common as memoirs. I would also argue that most humor memoirs are society stories, since they talk about one person’s funny, transgressive view on society. Anything by David Sedaris, for example, is a society memoir.

For more on all of these genres, check out Story Grid’s article How to Use Story Grid to Write a Memoir .

Three Stories

Note that I included my memoir in two categories. That’s because most books, including memoirs, are actually a combination of three stories. You have:

• An external story. For example, Crowdsourcing Paris is an adventure story.
• An internal story . As I said, Crowdsourcing Paris is an education story.
• A subplot . Usually the subplot is another external story, in my case, a love story.

What three stories are you telling in your memoir?

5. Visualize Your Intention

One of the things that I’ve learned as I’ve coached hundreds of writers to finish their books is that if you visualize the following you are much more likely to follow through and accomplish your writing goals:

• Where you're going to write
• When you're going to write
• How much you're going to write

Here I want you to actively visualize yourself at your favorite writing spot accomplishing the word count goal that you set in step two.

For example, when I was writing Crowdsourcing Paris , I would imagine myself sitting at this one café that was eight doors down from my office. I liked it because it had a little bit of a French feel. Then I would imagine myself there from eight in the morning until about ten.

Finally, I would actively visualize myself watching the word count tracker go from 999 to 1,000 words, which was my goal every day. Just that process of imagining my intention was so helpful.

What is your intention? Where, when, and how much will you write? Imagine yourself actually sitting there in the place you’re going to write your memoir.

6. Who Will Be On Your Team?

No one can write a book alone. I learned this the hard way, and the result was that it took me five years to finish my memoir.

For every other book that I had written, I had other people holding me accountable. Without my team, I know that I would never have written those books. But when I tried to write my memoir, I thought, I can do this on my own. I don’t need accountability, encouragement, and support. I’ve got this.

To figure out who you need to help you finish your memoir, create three different lists of people:

• Other writers. These are people who you can process, with who know the process of writing a book. Some will be a little bit ahead of you, so that when you get stuck, they can encourage you and say, “I’ve been there. You’re going to get through it. Keep working.”
• Readers. Or if you don’t have readers, friends and family. These will be the people who give you feedback on your finished book before it’s published, e.g. beta readers.
• Professional editors. But you also need professional feedback. I recommend listing two different editors here, a content editor to give feedback on the book as a whole (for example, I recommend a Write Practice Certified Coach), and a proofreader or line editor to help polish the final draft. (Having professional editing software is smart too. We like ProWritingAid. Check out our ProWritingAid review .)

Just remember: it takes a team to finish a book. Don’t try to do it on your own.

And if you don’t have relationships with other writers who can be on your team, check out The Write Practice Pro. This is the community I post my writing in to get feedback. Many of my best writing friends came directly from this community. You can learn more about The Write Practice Pro here .

7. What Other Books Will Inspire You?

“Books are made from books,” said Cormac McCarthy. Great writers learn how to write great books by reading other great books, and so should you.

I recommend finding three to five other memoirs that can inspire you during the writing process.

I recommend two criteria for the books you choose:

• Commercially successful. If you want your book to be commercially successful, choose other books that have done well in the marketplace.
• Similar story type. Try to find books that are the same story type that you learned in step four.

For my memoir, I had four main sources of inspiration.

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert; The Innocents Abroad by Mark Twain; A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway; and Midnight in Paris , the film by Woody Allen.

I referred back to these sources all the time. For example, when I was stuck on the climactic scene in the memoir, I watched one scene in A Midnight in Paris twenty times until I could quote the dialogue. I still didn’t come up with the solution until the next day, but understanding how other writers solved the problems I was facing helped me figure out my own solutions for my story.

8. Who Is Your Reader Avatar?

Who is your book going to be for? Or who is the one person you’ll think of when you write your book? When the writing gets hard and you want to quit, who will be most disappointed if you never finish your book?

I learned this idea from J.R.R. Tolkien, who wrote his novel The Hobbit for his three boys as a bedtime story. Every day he would work on his pages, and every night he would go home and read them to his sons. And this gave him an amazing way to get feedback. He knew whether they laughed at one part or got bored at another.

This helped him make his story better, but I also imagine it gave him a tremendous amount of motivation.

This Can Be You, Sort Of

I don’t think your reader avatar should be you. When it comes to your own writing, you are the least objective person.

There’s one caveat: you can be your own reader avatar IF you’re writing to a version of yourself at a different time. For example, I have friends who have imagined they were writing to a younger version of themselves.

Who will you write your memoir for?

9. Publishing and Marketing

How will you publish your book? Will you go the traditional route or will you self-publish? Who is your target market (check your reader avatar for help)? What will you do to promote and market your book? Do you have an author website ?

It might be strange to start planning for the publishing and marketing of your book before you ever start writing it, but what I’ve discovered is that when you think through the entire writing process, from the initial idea all the way through the publishing and marketing process, you are much more likely to finish your book.

In fact, in my 100 Day Book program, I found that people who finished this planning process were 52 percent more likely to finish their book.

Spend some time thinking about your publishing and marketing plans. Just thinking about it will help you when you start writing.

Start Building Your Audience Before You Need It

In the current publishing climate, most memoir agents and publishers want you to have some kind of relationship with an audience before they will consider your book.

Start building an audience before you need it. The first step to building an audience, and the first step to publishing in general, is building an author website. If you don’t have a website yet, you can find our full author website guide here .

(Building a website doesn’t have to be intimidating or time-consuming if you have the right guide.)

10. Outline Your Memoir

The final step of the planning process is your memoir outline . This could be the subject of a whole article itself. Here, I’ve learned so much from Story Grid, but if you don’t have time to read the book and listen to over 100 podcast episodes, here’s a quick and dirty process for you.

But First, for the Pantsers

There are two types of writers: the plotters and the pansters . Plotters like to outline. Pantsers think outlining crushes their creative freedom and hate it.

If you identify with the pantsers, that’s okay. Don’t worry too much about this step. I would still recommend writing something in this section of your memoir plan, even if you only know a few moments that will happen in the book, even recording a series of events might help as you plan.

And for you plotters, outline to your heart’s content, as long as you’ve already set your deadline!

Outlining Tips

When you’re ready to start outlining, here are a few tips:

• Begin by writing down all the big moments in your life that line up with your premise. Your premise is the foundation of your story. Anything outside of that premise should be cut.
• S eparate your life events into three acts. One of the most common story structures in writing is the three-act story structure. Act 1 should contain about 25 percent of your story, Act 2 about 50 percent of your story, and Act 3 about 25 percent.
• Act 1 should begin as late into the story as possible. In Crowdsourcing Paris , like most travel memoirs, I began the story the day I arrived in Paris.
• Use flashbacks, but carefully. Since I began Crowdsourcing Paris so late into the action, I used flashbacks to provide some details about what happened to lead up to the trip. Flashbacks can be overused, though, so only include full scenes and don’t info dump with flashbacks.
• Start big. The first scene in your book should be a good representation of what your book is about. So if you’re writing an adventure story (see Step 4), then you should have a life or death moment as the first scene. If you’re writing a love story, you should have a moment of love or love lost.
• End Act 1 with a decision. It is you, and specifically your decisions , that drive the action of your memoir. So what important decision did you make that will drive us into Act 2?
• Start Act 2 with your subplot. In Step 4, I said most books are made up of three stories. Your subplot is an important part of your book, and in most great stories, your subplot begins in Act 2.
• Act 2 begins with a period of “fun and games.” Save the Cat , one of my favorite books for writers, says that after the tension you built with the big decision in Act 1, the first few scenes in Act 2 should be fun and feel good, with things going relatively well for the protagonist.
• Center your second act on the “all is lost” moment. Great stories are about a character who comes to the end of him or herself. The all is lost moment is my favorite to write, because it’s where the character (in this case you ) has the most opportunity to grow. What is YOUR “all is lost” moment?
• Act 3 contains your final climactic moment. For Crowdsourcing Paris , this was the moment when I thought I was going to die. In a love story memoir, it might be when you finally work things out and commit to your partner.
• Act 3 is also where you show the big lesson of the memoir. Emphasis on show. Back in Step 1, you identified the lesson of your memoir. Act 3 is when you finally demonstrate what you’ve learned throughout the memoir in one major event.
• A tip for the final scene: end your memoir with the subplot. This gives a sense of completion to your story and works as a great final moment.

Use the tips above to create a rough outline of your memoir. Keep in mind, when you start writing, things might completely change. That’s okay! The point with your plan isn’t to be perfect. It’s to think through your story from beginning to end so that you’ll be prepared when you get to that point in the writing process.

Want to make this process as easy as possible? Get the memoir plan in a downloadable worksheet. Click to download your memoir plan »

That’s the end of the planning stage of this guide. Now let’s talk about how to write your first draft.

How to Write the First Draft of Your Memoir

If you’ve followed the steps above to create a memoir plan, you’ve done the important work. Writing a memoir, like writing any book, is hard. But it will actually be harder to not be successful if you’ve followed all the steps in the memoir plan.

But once you’ve created the “perfect” plan, it’s time to do the dirty work of writing a first draft.

In part two of our guide, you’ll learn how to write and finish a first draft.

1. Forget Perfection and Write Badly.

First drafts are messy. In fact, Anne Lamott calls them “shitty first drafts” because they are almost always terrible.

Even though I know that, though, any time I’m working on a new writing project, I still get it into my head that my first draft should be a masterpiece.

It usually takes me staring at a blank screen for a few hours before I admit defeat and just start writing.

If you’re reading this, don’t do that! Instead, start by writing badly.

Besides, when you’ve done the hard planning work, what you write will probably be a lot better than you think.

2. Willpower Doesn’t Work. Neither Does Inspiration. Instead, Use the “3 Minute Timer Trick.”

My biggest mistake when I began Crowdsourcing Paris was to think I had the willpower I needed as a professional writer and author of four books to finish the book on my own. Even worse, I thought I would be so inspired that the book would basically write itself.

I didn’t. It took not making much progress on my book for more than a year to realize I needed help.

The best thing you can do to help you focus on the writing process for your second draft is what we talked about in Step 4: Creating a Consequence.

But if you still need help, try my “3 Minute Timer Trick.” Here’s how it works:

• Set a timer for three minutes. Why three minutes? Because for me, I’m so distractible I can’t focus for more than three minutes. I think anyone can focus for three minutes though, even me.
• Write as fast as you can. Don’t think, just write!
• When the timer ends, write down your total word count in a separate document (see image below). Then subtract from the previous word count to calculate how many words you wrote during that session.
• Also write down any distractions during those three minutes. Did the phone ring? Did you have a tough urge to scroll through Facebook or play a game on your phone? Write it down.
• Then, repeat the process by starting the timer again. Can you beat your word count?

This process is surprisingly helpful, especially when you don’t feel like writing. After all, you might not have it in you to write for an hour, but anyone can write for three minutes.

And the amazing thing is that once you’ve started, you might find it much easier to keep going.

Other Tools for Writers

By the way, if you’re looking for the tools I use and other pro writers I know use, check out our Best Tools for Creative Writers guide here .

3. Make Your Weekly Deadlines.

You can’t finish your book in an all-nighter. That being said, you can finish a chapter of your book in an all-nighter.

That’s why it’s so important to have the weekly deadlines we talked about in Part 1, Step 2 of this guide.

By breaking up the writing process into a series of weekly deadlines, you give yourself an achievable framework to finish your book. And with the consequences you set in Step 3 of your memoir plan, you give your deadlines the teeth they need to hold you accountable.

And as I mentioned above, Scrivener is especially helpful for keeping track of deadlines (among other things). If you haven’t yet, check out my review of Scrivener here .

4. Keep Your Team Updated.

Having a hard time? It’s normal. Talk to your team about it.

It seems like when you’re writing a book, everything in the universe conspires against you. You get into a car accident, you get sick, you get into a massive fight with your spouse or family member, you get assigned a new project at your day job.

Writing a book would be hard enough on its own, but when you have the rest of your life to deal with, it can become almost impossible.

Without your team, which we talked about in Step 6 of your book plan, it would be.

For me, I would never have been able to finish one book, let alone the twelve that I’ve now finished, without the support, encouragement, and accountability of the other writers whom I call friends, the readers who believe in me, and most of all, my wife.

Remember: No book is finished alone. When things get hard, talk about it with your team.

And if you need a team, consider joining mine. The Write Practice Pro is a supportive encouraging community of writers and editors. It’s where I get feedback on my writing, and you can get it here too. Learn more about the community here.

5. Finally, Trust the Process.

When I walk writers through the first draft writing process, inevitably, around day sixty, they start to lose faith.

• They think their book is the all-time worst book ever written.
• They get a new idea they want to work on instead.
• They decide the dream to write a book and become a writer was foolish.
• They want to quit.

A few do quit at this point.

But the ones who keep going discover that in just a few weeks they’ve figured out most of the problems in their book, they’re on their last pages, and they’re almost finished.

It happens every time, even to me.

If you take nothing else from this post, please hear this: keep going. Never quit. If you follow this process from start to finish, you’re going to make it, and it’s going to be awesome.

I’m so excited for you.

How to Finish Your Memoir

More than half of this guide is about the planning process. That’s because if you start well, you’ll finish well.

If you create the right plan, then all that’s left is doing the hard, messy work of writing.

Without the right plan, it’s SO easy to get lost along the way.

That’s why I hope you’ll download my Memoir Plan Worksheet. Getting lost in the writing process is inevitable. This plan will become your map when it happens. Click to download the Memoir Plan Worksheet.

More than anything, though, I hope you’ll never quit. It took me five years to write Crowdsourcing Paris , but during that time I matured and grew so much as a writer and a person, all because I didn’t quit.

Even if it takes you five years, the life lessons you’ll learn as you write your book will be worth it.

And if you’re interested in a real-life adventure story set in Paris, I’d be honored if you’d read Crowdsourcing Paris . I think you’ll love it.

Good luck and happy writing.

More Writing Resources:

• How to Write a Memoir Outline: 7 Essential Steps For Your Memoir Outline
• 7 Steps to a Powerful Memoir
• The Memoir Project by Marion Roach Smith
• Crowdsourcing Paris by J.H. Bunting

Are you going to commit to writing a memoir (and never quitting, no matter what)? Let me know in the comments .

Summarize your memoir idea in the form of a one-sentence premise. Make sure it contains all three elements:

• A character
• A situation

Take fifteen minutes to craft your premise. When you’re finished, share your memoir premise in the Pro Practice Workshop for feedback. And if you share, please be sure to give feedback to three other writers. Not a member? Join us .

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• 3 Rules to Write World-Changing Memoir - The Write Practice - […] Here are my three “rules” about how to write a memoir: […]
• 4 Essentials for Writing Memoir That Resonates With Readers - The Write Practice - […] How do you write memoir and tell a story that is compelling to you, but might not be to…
• 19 Tips on Writing Memoir from The Memoir Project by Marion Roach Smith - The Write Practice - […] Marion Roach Smith has solid advice on how to write your own stories. Let me share nineteen tips on…
• The One Secret to a Deeper Memoir - The Write Practice - […] if you’re wondering how to write a memoir, what if you interviewed people–friends, family, community members–about the events on…
• How to Unlock the Power of the Present Tense in Memoir - The Write Practice - […] Writing memoir in the present tense suits grief in ways that the past tense simply cannot provide. […]
• Read Memoirs to Understand Character Motivation - […] about you? Do you want to know how to write a memoir? Check out our complete guide, Write a…
• How to Satisfy Your Reader With a Great Ending - The Write Practice - […] you’re figuring out how to write a memoir or a novel, creating an ending that is satisfying for the…
• How to Write About Your Family… Without Getting Disowned - […] this it true, through writing my own memoir, I have come to find that we can handle these situations…
• Write a Great Memoir: How to Start (and Actually Finish) Your First Draft – Books, Literature & Writing - […] “When you’re getting started writing a memoir, don’t just start writing about the first thing you remember.Tweet thisTweet […]
• 10 Memoir Writing Prompts to Get You Started - […] to take the next step and learn how to write a memoir? Check out my complete guide, Write a…
• How to Write a Short Memoir Story : The Write Practice - […] Then, when you’re ready to write a full memoir, check out our complete guide, Write a Great Memoir: How…

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How to Write a Memoir: Turn Your Personal Story Into a Successful Book

Writing a memoir can be a meaningful way to reflect on your life's journey and share your unique perspective with people around you. But creating a powerful (and marketable) book from your life's memories — one that can be enjoyed by readers across the world — is no easy task. 

In this article, we'll explore the essential ingredients that make up an impactful and commercially viable memoir and provide you with tips to craft your own.

Here’s how to write a memoir in 6 steps: 

1. Figure out who you’re writing for

2. narrow down your memoir’s focus, 3. distill the story into a logline , 4. choose the key moments to share, 5. don’t skimp on the details and dialogue, 6. portray yourself honestly.

Before you take on the challenge of writing a memoir, make sure you have a clear goal and direction by defining the following:

• What story you’re telling (if you’re telling “the story of your life,” then you may be looking at an autobiography , not a memoir),
• What the purpose of your memoir is,
• Which audience you’re writing it for.

Some authors write a memoir as a way to pass on some wisdom, to process certain parts of their lives, or just as a legacy piece for friends and family to look back on shared memories. Others have stronger literary ambitions, hoping to get a publishing deal through a literary agent , or self-publishing it to reach a wide audience. 

Whatever your motivation, we’d recommend approaching it as though you were to publish it. You’ll end up with a book that’s more polished, impactful, and accessible 一 even if it’ll only ever reach your Aunt Jasmine.

🔍 How do you know whether your book idea is marketable? Acclaimed ghostwriter Katy Weitz suggests researching memoir examples from several subcategories to determine whether there’s a readership for a story like yours.

Know your target reader

If you’re not sure where to start it doesn’t hurt to figure out your target audience 一 the age group, gender, and interests of the people you’re writing it for. A memoir targeted at business execs is a very different proposition from one written to appeal to Irish-American baseball fans. 

If you want a little help in asking the right questions to define your audience, download our author market research checklist below. 

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Market Research Checklist

Find your ultimate target audience with our checklist.

Now that you know who you’re writing for, you need to clearly define which (yummy) slice of your life you want to share with them. 

When writing a memoir, there's always the temptation to cover broad periods of your life, from that time in first grade when Mrs. Taylor laughed at your painting, to your third divorce, and everything in between. But remember, this is not a biography. You should try to choose specific experiences or aspects of your life that form a red thread or a central theme. The narrower the focus, the better your memoir will resonate with others. 

For example, a memoir could be about the time you hiked the Appalachian Trail, became a Jiu-Jitsu master, or volunteered in a refugee camp. Naturally, anecdotes from other parts of your life may intertwine with your main narrative, but there needs to be a focused center to your book.

Not only will a narrower slice of life help you concentrate your efforts, it will also make it easier to shift the focus from your personal story to specific, relatable things you experienced , making it easier for readers to care and take something away from the book.

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A broader theme readers can relate to

Unless you’re a celebrity, you can’t expect people to just want to read your memoir 一 you have to give them a reason to carve time out of their busy schedule and sit with your book. People are drawn to stories that they can relate to or that teach them something about themselves and the world. 

So, before you get to writing, identify the broader themes behind your personal experiences and center the book around them. For example, a story about hiking the Appalachian Trail could be a story about spiritual growth. A book about learning Jiu-Jitsu may be about building confidence and overcoming fear. A memoir about working with refugees could be about cultivating empathy and overcoming structural inequality. 

These are themes that people from different ages, gender, and cultures can relate to. They will make your memoir much more universal. Figure out what readers can learn from your experiences, whether that’s something about resilience, trauma, parenting, self-discovery, or other, and center your book around that .    

💡 Listen to 3-time memoir author Paul Bradley Carr explain the importance of nailing your memoir’s focus from the get-go in this advice-packed Reedsy Live.

At this point, you’re probably fired up and stretching your fingers to start writing. But there are a few more steps to take to ensure you’re set up for success. 

Memory lane isn’t a straight path — it’s a winding road with many off-ramps and distractions. So before you start drafting, make a note of where you’re going by encapsulating your memoir in a sentence or two. Ask yourself: if I were to pitch it to a stranger on an elevator, how would I summarize it? The purpose of this exercise is to help you weave the main themes into a clear narrative arc, which is essential to turn your life into a captivating story. 

Here are some example loglines from famous memoirs for inspiration: 

Take some time with your logline and whittle your story down to its purest form. If it helps, start by writing what you think the back cover blurb will be. Then boil it down further and further, until you can finally pitch it in just a few sentences.

The logline is the North Star that will guide you as you start to collect the moments of your life to include in the book. 

Now that you have a direction and some central themes, it’s time to pick the best tales from your buffet of life experiences. It’s natural to look back at your life chronologically and select memories in a linear fashion, but really, what’s important is to pick the most meaningful moments, whether big or small, that propel your memoir forward.

For example, Trevor Noah’s Born a Crime is a collection of stories about growing up as a mixed-raced child in Apartheid South Africa. The book shares how Noah questioned his mother’s religious beliefs, spoke multiple languages to bridge cultural differences, made and sold CDs to escape poverty, and more. Each story is a different window into his world and how it shaped him, but all of them build on the book’s central themes of faith, identity, and resilience.

Look for moments of high emotion

When you’re mining your memory for stories, look for those with moments of high emotion and meaning. Whether it was a funny, sad, or embarrassing memory, the ones that shaped who you are and how you see the world tend to be the most emotionally charged.

To discern the gems from mediocre stories, consider working with a professional editor and take advantage of their editorial wisdom. 

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Now close your eyes, and dig deep into your memories to repaint your stories on the blank page as colorfully (and accurately) as possible. 

To make your memoir deeply engaging, experiment with different storytelling techniques and use sensory details, actions, and dialogue, as opposed to explicitly stating what you did or how you felt. This falls into the classic writing advice of ‘ Show, don’t tell .’

When revisiting your memories, be thorough in your research and try to collect as many details as possible: 

• Read back your journal entries (if you kept one) to see how you felt in the moment.
• Get your hands on photos or videos from that period in your life (either digital or analog.)
• Interview your family members, friends, and other people relevant to your story.
• Revisit locations and settings from the past that you plan on writing about.
• Look up anything that can be verified or fact-checked (e.g. dates, social media posts, or world news.)

Once you've collected the raw material, organize these memories in a way that makes sense for you. Being systematic in your research will pay serious dividends when you actually start working on your manuscript.

You’re allowed some creative license with dialogue

One thing that is particularly important to get right is dialogue. Obviously, you don't have to write dialogue exactly as it happened — our memories are fallible after all. However, you do need to accurately capture the essence of what was said (and how). As long as you’re faithful to what happened (or at least honest about how you experienced it) you can take some liberties with the precise wording. 

To write believable dialogue, take inspiration from your favorite writers, or take our free course below for tips. 

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😱 Inevitably, when you write about other people there’s always a risk of portraying them in a way they don’t appreciate. As general advice, tell them you’re writing this story, or prepare to lose some relationships. And if you’re really pushing some boundaries, discuss it with your lawyer! 

Next, it’s time to look inwards and flesh out a compelling and relatable protagonist: you!  

The best memoirs read like novels, which means they hinge on the protagonist’s voice and personality 一 their quirks, values, and goals, and how they rise to life’s challenges. Just as in a novel, your memoir needs a relatable protagonist that undergoes some change.

It takes a good dose of courage to portray yourself as a multidimensional character 一 one with both strengths and weaknesses, one who sometimes wins and sometimes loses. 

Do background work on yourself

To infuse a dose of humanity to your own character, you’ll have to do the background work as if you were a character in a novel. Take note of everything from your physical appearance, cultural background, psychological traits, and more. This exercise will help you bring to surface details about your personality that you’d otherwise look over, and depict a much more well-rounded protagonist. To facilitate the process, use our free character development template which will guide you with specific prompts and questions.  

Reedsy’s Character Development Template

A story is only as strong as its characters. Fill this out to develop yours.

Define your character’s arc

Additionally, it's helpful to define your own character's arc 一 how you’ve matured through the life experiences highlighted in the memoir. There are specific steps you can follow to define your personal hero's journey , but among other questions, you’ll have to answer: 

• What inciting incident set you on a journey?
• What were the obstacles you encountered?
• Which mentors helped you along the way?
• What were the lessons you needed to learn?
• How have you changed as a result?

These questions will help you strengthen your memoir’s narrative, hooking the readers in like the best novels do. 

To give an example, Cheryl Strayed's journey in Wild begins after the death of her beloved mother and other family problems, which lead her on a path of self-destruction, culminating in a divorce and addiction to heroin. Having reached the bottom, she decides to hike the Pacific Crest Trail for three months in order to find herself. The path is filled with challenges 一 from her hiking inexperience, to losing her boots, to fellow hikers warning her that it's not safe to go on alone. Through resilience (and some help) she is able to overcome her physical and emotional challenges, find forgiveness and rediscover her inner strength. 

Take inspiration from Wild and other memoirs, and deconstruct how your own experiences might fit into these all-important story elements. 

You now have all the ingredients: a specific memoir topic that touches on universal themes (as summarized by your logline), a selection of vivid and relevant memories, and a multidimensional character with an interesting story arc. It’s time to put it all together by outlining the structure of your memoir, which is exactly what we’ll cover in our next post.

15 responses

CourtneySymons says:

11/01/2018 – 15:26

This was exactly the article I needed today! I've just begun a new career path as a ghostwriter and am finding it difficult to find learning resources (conferences, courses, books, networks of ghostwriters, etc.). If any readers have advice on where I should be looking or who I should be talking to, I would be forever grateful! Thanks so much!

M. Thomas Maxwell says:

11/01/2018 – 15:28

I had no intention of writing a book but encouraged by my grandson I embarked on a story telling venture that led to Grandfather's Journal, www.captaintommaxwell.com. It truly is a series of life stories shared with my grandson. Published by Westbow press in 2015 I used many Reedsy tips and am very pleased with the results.I have since encouraged others to consider doing the same. It took over a year and was a pleasant experience.

Don Karp says:

11/01/2018 – 16:06

As a self-published memoir writer, I read this with appreciation. I do not agree with all that's said here. For example, "2. Do Your Research." Of course certain events--those experienced publicly by a large number of people--need to be accurate. But even the word, "memoir," says it's about memory, not accuracy. This is one of the major differences from an autobiography which does require research. I looked up the dictionary definition and got confirmation on this. Perhaps you need to re-examine this and get it right?

↪️ Reedsy replied:

11/01/2018 – 17:00

I would agree that memoirs are indeed based on memory — and in some way that's why historians are often forced to question the reliability of memoirs as a primary source. I would say, however, that modern readers to expect memoirs to be as factually-correct as possible. Editors at publishers will go to great pains to ensure that — or face a public backlash. If you say anything in a memoir that can be disproved by a basic google search will seriously compromise your relationship with a reader. The other benefit with research is that it can do a lot to jog your memories. Unreliable recollections can often be set straight once you remind yourself of certain facts. Thanks for commenting!

↪️ Don Karp replied:

11/01/2018 – 17:28

Thanks for your response. This brings up two points for me. First, what is more powerful, a memory of an experience or the actual experience? Different people interpret the same experience differently. Second, what do you propose to do with the dictionary definition of "memoir?" Since the word is based on memory and not research, perhaps you can suggest some alternate word form?

↪️ The Red Lounge For Writers replied:

05/12/2018 – 08:14

I think looking at the idea of the 'voice of innocence' and the 'voice of experience' could really help with this distinction between fact and memory. As writers of memoir, we are expected to write what we remember. We can do this using the voice of innocence, and use the voice of experience to write about the factual context.

Stu Mountjoy says:

11/01/2018 – 21:48

A group I used to attend, on a Friday, started people off with the basic exercise of writing a story about one thing that happened to you, and I did one about a race at school. I am always impressed by the first page I read of Alan Alder's bio (actor in M*A*S*H TV series) - "Hi I'm Alan Alder, and when I was six, my mother tried to kill my father." - wow.

31/01/2018 – 10:15

Alda's a great writer — "Things I Overheard While Talking to Myself" is such a fantastic name for a memoir too.

Robbie Cheadle says:

31/01/2018 – 04:48

A very useful and interesting post on writing a memoir.

31/01/2018 – 10:14

I'm glad you like it Robbie :)

The Red Lounge For Writers says:

05/12/2018 – 08:10

All great advice. Memoir is probably my favourite genre to read, and some of my favourite books are memoirs. I'm of the opinion that everyone has a story to tell; it's just a matter of figuring out how to do it really well.

James Soil says:

15/07/2019 – 13:16

Thank you very much I just finished my Memoir titled Addicted it will be out this summer after reading this article I feel much better about it I pretty much did what the article says.

Izaura Nicolette says:

04/08/2019 – 04:50

Self-published Author, Izaura Nicolette. 'Within The Mountains: A Mormon Reform School Experience.' Published January, 2019. Seeking legit Publishing House or Agent. I still have not received any royalties due to publishers being fraudulent. I want to speak publicly about my memoir. Hundreds to thousands can back me up. This is a true story. I hold too close to my heart. Hoping to heal by sharing this experience, and opening door for many others.

Magzley says:

08/08/2019 – 02:14

Can I *breathe* life into my story instead?

Cassandra Janzen says:

20/12/2019 – 04:35

Very helpful, thank you!

Comments are currently closed.

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The Memoir in Essays: A Reading List

Elizabeth kadetsky on the multiple ways we can look at the self.

While the personal essay has enjoyed continued popularity, a book-length collection of linked essays, centered on an author’s self or life, is less common than a traditional memoir or novel. A truly successful essay collection can reveal the author processing experiences at many different points in time and through many different lenses. As a writer, I’ve always been drawn to the essay as a form, for its concision, for its ability to highlight an intriguing gap between author and narrator that lends an inherent tension and self-questioning. A collection of essays treating the same or related inquiries multiplies this effect.

The distance afforded by those multivalent lenses can allow an author to regard one’s younger self as a different character, a different persona. This can create an unease or uncertainty that is exciting, and also very relatable to the reader. An author’s ability to forgive that earlier version of herself is especially prevalent in the memoir-in-essays, perhaps because of the extended time period covered as a writer composes essays across years or even decades.

We are lucky enough to be in the middle of a renaissance. Several recent and upcoming memoirs-in-essays use the inquisitive essay form to tell life stories from different vantage points and make the reader question and revel in unreliable narrators and new perspectives. The more traditional memoir focuses on seeking and attaining redemption. The nonlinear structure of an essay collection reveals that there is never easy redemption, never clear resolution: bad things happen for no reason; overcoming one trial does not lessen the need to adapt in the next.

These new, enchanting and powerful collections are a welcome reminder that in our collective state of unrest and unknown futures, there is a comfort in knowing that there is an inherent uncertainty in having the answers.

Emily Arnason Casey, Made Holy: Essays (University of Georgia Press)

In beautiful, scenic prose, Emily Arnason Casey probes her middle American childhood from the stance of different venues, times of life, and primary characters—a family cabin and repository for memories both happy and sad; a little sister who grew up and wasn’t a sidekick anymore; a mother who didn’t reveal the family propensity to alcoholism until it was too late; an aunt who succumbed to the illness’s lure. In a spiral-like structure that keeps returning to a central and unanswerable question—how, and why, must this family battle the draws and effects of alcohol addiction—Arnason Casey tells a poignant story of a “normal” family that through its quirks and desires must find a path to survival. The author finds solace in nostalgia and a way forward by examining the errors of the past and by embracing, as a mother, the promise of the future generation. Her probing and compulsive need to question reminds us that alcoholism has no simple etiology, and that its cures are as individual as they are elusive.

Sonja Livingston, The Virgin of Prince Street: Expeditions into Devotion } (University of Nebraska Press)

At a time of dwindling religiosity, Livingston finds herself wishing for greater connection to her Catholic roots while also exploring the physical space of the church in upstate New York that made memories for her as a child. Because of religious attrition, the church that she grew up in becomes the gathering space for dozens of rescued saint statues deaccessioned from other churches nearby. Livingston embarks upon a quest to find a missing Virgin Mary statue, that moves not in straight lines but elliptically, following a parallel physical and emotional journey that is an exploration into faith, Catholicism, and a desire for spiritual connection on modern terms. In examining the sustained power of a central icon of the Catholic church and an object of personal, sentimental attachment, Livingston’s linked essays highlight the irresolvable paradox of modern religiosity—that the seeker must follow an uncharted middle pathway when the old texts and their tropes, their patriarchy and their strictures, necessarily fall away.

Amy Long, Codependence (Cleveland State University Poetry Center)

In this haunting and troubling book, Long revisits scenes and anecdotes from her  boyfriend’s heroin addiction and her subsequent dependence on opioids for chronic pain. Formal experiments such as essays disguised as lists, prescription forms, and medical reports are interspersed among scene-driven recollections from different points in time: the author’s first introduction to the drug; the allure of an older addict; attempts at recovery. The grounding presence of the author’s supportive mother is offset by the narrative’s tragic other constant—the euphoria and escape offered by the drug. By eschewing a linear narrative structure, Long illustrates the difficulty of achieving recovery and puts lie to the myth that addiction is a logical disease that naturally ends with a cure. In its very form, this memoir undermines the narrative so prevalent in media treatments of this illness—that in order to trounce the beast, the individual suffering from addiction need only attend a recovery program. Having written about and witnessed my own sister’s decades’ long struggle to overcome opioid addiction, I was drawn to Long’s wisdom in portraying addiction not as a problem to be solved so much as a complexity to be observed and penetrated.

Sejal Shah, This Is One Way to Dance (University of Georgia Press)

The Indian-American author continually revisits her troubled relationship to her American identity through layered essays treating her bifurcated Indian and American past. Exploring her family’s immersion in Gujarati subculture when she was a child growing up in Rochester, New York; her experience as one of few people of color in her MFA creative writing program; and many family weddings in which she must confront her presumed future as a desi bride, Shah questions her place in both American culture and the thriving American-Gujarati subculture. By placing dates at the ends of the essays, it is suggested that her complicated and lifelong conflicts about race and cultural identity can be told chronologically. But, as she explains in her introduction, many essays had multiple end dates after having been revised and reconsidered as time moved forward. The multiple end dates elegantly upend the notion that a rational, hypothesis-thesis-synthesis structure can encompass the complexities of identity and belonging. Shah’s choice to write non-narratively about her conflicts of identity provide insight for anyone raised with a dual or multiple cultural identity—anyone who may, at different points of time, feel a greater allegiance to one culture, another, or a never straightforward amalgam of many. Who we understand ourselves to be, Shah’s book tells the reader in subtle ways, is not a fact so much as a moving target, an unending query.

Sue William Silverman, How to Survive Death and Other Inconveniences (University of Nebraska Press)

Silverman is the author of three previous memoirs. In How to Survive Death and Other Inconveniences , she tells her life story through the lens of an obsession with death and the desire to come to terms with the inevitable but often avoided reality that in the end we are mortal. The essays begin with a chronological life story of growing up in New Jersey and encountering American culture’s death-avoidance, but then take a swerve when several brief but elusive mentions accrue into an account of a rape at a young age and a discovery that her memory of the event connects to her fixation on death. A chronological structure gives way to a thematic plot, in which Silverman seeks to confront her topic through reporting, immersion, and reflection—for instance by visiting a morgue, exploring mythological figures associated with death, and recollecting a family funeral. The sophisticated writing and structure make the whole greater than the sum of its many fascinating and worthy parts. Silverman’s essays continually reveal the irrational functioning of memory and how it connects our pasts to our worldviews. Honoring subconscious logic, How to Survive Death and Other Inconveniences makes the gambit that the mysteries of the self are both keys to understanding and uncertainties to be celebrated. We become who we are without being fully conscious of our choices—probing those choices won’t give us easy answers, but the discoveries along the way will be illuminating and well worth the necessary befuddlements.

__________________________________

Elizabeth Kadetsky’s memoir , The Memory Eaters, is available now from University of Massachusetts Press.

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Course Syllabus

Memoir and Personal Essay: Beyond the Basics

Tackle a big writing project in this class intended for writers who are ready to take their writing to the next level..

This class is designed for those who have already explored the basics of personal writing and wish to move on to a larger project or more challenging forms. You can choose one of two paths, working either on sections of a memoir or on personal essays in a variety of styles. You will learn how to structure chapters or essays, how to incorporate research into personal writing, how to develop character, how to use descriptive language effectively, and more. We will examine personal essays and memoir chapters from published authors to analyze their writing techniques, and discuss ways to use those techniques in our own writing. If you wish to submit work that does not strictly fit the assignments given you can arrange to do so with the instructor.

How it works:  

Each week provides:

• discussions of assigned readings and other general writing topics with peers and the instructor
• written lectures and a selection of readings

Some weeks also include:

• writing exercises
• opportunities to submit a full-length essay for instructor and/or peer review (up to 2,500 words and typically in weeks 3, 6, and 9)
• optional video conferences that are open to all students in Week 2 (and which will be available afterwards as a recording for those who cannot participate)

Aside from the live conference, there is no need to be online at any particular time of day. To create a better classroom experience for all, you are expected to participate weekly in class discussions to receive instructor feedback on your work.

Week 1: Planning Your Writing Project

We will set firm goals for the course, outlining the work you will complete during the 10 weeks, and your ultimate objective for this writing once it is completed. Those who do not already have an extended project in mind will choose one; those who have already started working on a project will plan their next steps. You will consider how your work fits into the larger writing market, but also learn when to leave the market behind and focus exclusively on the art.

Week 2: Intertwining Narratives

Combining or counterpointing two different narratives or streams of thought can allow you to emphasize elements of both storylines that would not otherwise be apparent, or to create an extended metaphor by choosing to compare two seemingly unrelated elements. This can result in juxtapositions that the reader finds surprising, moving, and thought-provoking. The lecture and readings for this week will explore techniques for writing an essay that braids together two or more storylines, and for incorporating intertwined storylines into the memoir.

Week 3: Writing with Multiple Storylines

You will submit a writing sample to the instructor, either a memoir excerpt or a personal essay that uses the “braided storylines” technique from Week 2, with the option of participating in peer critiques. We will take a close look at some of the class readings to analyze the authors’ writing techniques, and continue to discuss the topics from Week 2 as they relate to our own writing.

Week 4: Conducting Research

Research adds depth to a memoir, and allows a personal essay to move beyond the purely personal. Even an ordinary story can become interesting when it is artfully combined with the right research. During this week we will discuss ways to obtain information that will embellish a piece of personal writing, and how to gracefully incorporate that information into your prose. 

Week 5: Non-Narrative Elements

Most memoirs and personal essays are based on a personal narrative. While a good story is essential to creating a compelling piece of nonfiction, non-narrative components such as reflections, informational passages, dialogue, and so on are also important in creating an interesting piece of writing. This week you will explore techniques for integrating these components into your writing projects.

Week 6: Writing with Research

You will submit a writing sample to the instructor, either a memoir excerpt or a personal essay that uses the research and non-narrative techniques from Weeks 4 and 5, with the option to participate in peer critiques. We will take a close look at some of the class readings to analyze the authors’ writing techniques, and continue to discuss the topics from the preceding weeks as they relate to your own writing.

Week 7: Revision

Revision is an essential part of the writing process, but one that some writers find tedious. During this week we’ll discuss strategies for revision, both by yourself and with a writing partner, and ways to remain invested in your project during the long revision process. 

Week 8: Non-Chronological Structure

The traditional way to tell a story is to start at the beginning and go to the end, but rearranging the events of a narrative allows you to highlight certain connections between events that happen at different times, and also to manipulate the reader’s understanding of a series of events. This week we will explore techniques for writing an essay that uses an unusual chronological structure, and strategies for moving back and forth in time in the context of the memoir.

Week 9: Writing Out of Order

You will submit writing to the instructor, either a memoir excerpt or a personal essay that uses the non-chronological techniques from Week 8, with the option of participating in a peer critique. We will take a close look at some of the class readings to analyze the authors’ writing techniques, and continue to discuss the topics from Week 8 as they relate to your own writing.

Week 10: Preparing for Publication

After all the planning and polishing, structuring and revision, you want to share your writing with the world. During this week we will discuss the steps and best practices for submitting work to agents, literary journals, and magazines.

10 Essential Essay-Length Memoirs You Can Read Online for Free

Short insights with big impacts.

• Photo Credit: Unsplash/Sincerely Media

Are you a fan of anecdotal reading, but lacking the time to dive into a 300 page memoir? Do you love the specificity of short essays? Or are you looking for a taste of an author’s work before you peek any deeper into their psyche? Then you might consider looking into some essay-length memoirs—think of them as memoir examples, rather than full-fledged books.

Whether you’re hoping to find a piece of writing that makes you feel less alone, or you want to expand your understanding of the human race, these true accounts will stick with you. Here are 10 phenomenal memoir examples you can read online right now for free.

Related: The Best Essay Collections to Add to Your TBR List

"Me Talk Pretty One Day"

by David Sedaris

• Photo Credit: Chris Karidis/Unsplash

Comedian and author David Sedaris wrote the memoir essay “Me Talk Pretty One Day” about his time living in Paris to learn the French language. While matriculating as a middle-aged man has its benefits—"No one will ever again card me for a drink or demand that I weave a floor mat out of newspapers"—it doesn't spare him, or any of his peers, from the abuse of their teacher. Sedaris recounts carrying a special brand of insecurity, tackling the complexity of language and the thrill of being a humorist going toe-to-toe with a stern and scathing professeure .

For collections of Sedaris’ writing, be sure to check out Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim and When You Are Engulfed in Flames .

Related: 13 Famous Memoirs Everyone Should Read Once

"Age Appropriate"

by Jen Doll

Jen Doll is a freelance journalist—whose credits include articles for The Atlantic , Esquire , and New York Magazine —and author of the young adult novel Unclaimed Baggage . In this anecdotal essay about a summer vacation spent with family, Doll explores what it means to bring your teenage self along into adulthood. Stuck between the frustration of being treated like a child by her parents, and the ever-present desire to run from the strains of adult self-sufficiency, she writes to come to terms with the different selves she houses in the context of her surroundings.

Related: 15 Best Memoirs That Will Change Your Outlook on Life

"The Price of Black Ambition"

by Roxane Gay

In “The Price of Black Ambition,” Roxane Gay interweaves a timeline of her struggles and successes with a frank discussion on the sociopolitical racism inherent in the United States. She speaks on the fact that children of color are often given an inflated sense of “ambition” at a young age, as they must work twice as hard with half as much to achieve opportunities that are more carelessly given to their white peers. And, despite the exceptional amounts of work people of color put in to move forward in life, their efforts are regularly regarded as less than—their presence in “white” circles is considered a fluke or consequence of required diversity. She refers to her ambition as a hunger that can never be satisfied in the current status quo of America.

Gay is most notable for her essay collection Bad Feminist , as well as her fiction novel An Untamed State .

Related: 8 Extraordinary Biographies About Strong Women

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"My Dad Tried to Kill Me with an Alligator"

by Harrison Scott Key

• Photo Credit: Karl Bewick/Unsplash

Harrison Scott Key is the author of two memoirs: Congratulations, Who Are You Again? and The World’s Largest Man . Key details one humorous afternoon on Mississippi’s Pearl River, where he believes his brother’s “badass” antics and his father’s gruff and wild nature almost led to his death-by-alligator. Through a consideration of the differences between him and his father, he contemplates how his near-death experience might have shaped his adult life. Remembering his father fondly, Key reconsiders his own path of fatherhood.

Related: 10 Moving Biographies and Memoirs

"Explicit Violence"

by Lidia Yuknavitch

Known for her provocative novels Dora: A Headcase , The Small Backs of Children , and The Book of Joan , Lidia Yuknavitch wrote “Explicit Violence” about the terrible abuses she suffered throughout her lifetime. She talks not just of the physical acts, but the ways in which violence changed her state of mind. Yuknavitch is honest about the ways in which she was made to feel like she deserved the violence heaped upon her—and if how she didn’t deserve it, she should become the kind of person that might deserve it. With a sharp clarity, she condemns the ways in which those who suffer abuses, particularly women, are made to feel as though to talk about it is an inconvenience on those who could never understand.

For more from the life of Lidia Yuknavitch, she has also published the full-length memoir The Chronology of Water .

"Surviving Anxiety"

by Scott Stossel

In the essay “Surviving Anxiety,” journalist and author Scott Stossel opens up about his experience with mental illness. Suffering from anxiety since infancy, Stossel paints a startling and surprising picture of the measures he has to go through to appear unaffected and “normal” due to his internal (and often irrational) worries. In an honest detailing of therapeutic, medicinal, and self-medicinal attempts to get his high-functioning anxiety under control, he expresses the frustrations and constant battle those who suffer from mental illness experience. For a deeper look into Stossel’s experience and the history of anxiety, read his full-length memoir My Age of Anxiety .

"Darkness Visible"

by William Styron

• Photo Credit: Ian Espinosa/Unsplash

William Styron, acclaimed writer of Sophie’s Choice and The Confessions of Nat Turner , suffered deeply from bouts of depression. In his memoir essay, “Darkness Visible,” Styron is compelled to speak out about his struggle with mental illness after the suicide of Primo Levi. To combat the ignorance and taboo nature surrounding depression, Styron speaks about his own struggles with dark emotions, as well as the difficult path of healing. In the book of the same name, Styron expands upon this essay in a more complete memoir.

Related: William Styron: A Life in Books

"No Labels, No Drama, Right?"

by Jordana Narin

This enlightening and insightful essay comes from Jordana Narin, the winner of the New York Times 2015 Modern Love College Essay contest. Her memoir account exemplifies how new relationships have changed in the modern era, often careening toward an amorphous understanding between two people. She touches on an inclination to avoid not only labels, but vulnerability. Narin outlines how in a situation where the feelings are no less profound than something “real,” people are putting obstacles in their own paths by embracing an aversion to emotional honesty.

"I Was Pregnant, and Then I Wasn't"

by Laura Turner

• Photo Credit: freestocks.org/Unsplash

Laura Turner is a journalist who has written for such publications as the New York Times , The Atlantic , Glamour , and The Verge , with a book in-progress about the cultural history of anxiety. In this tear-jerking short memoir, Turner talks about her recent experience with a miscarriage. Her account encapsulates the worries of burgeoning motherhood put at sudden odds with grief and an overwhelming feeling of suddenly being alone. In an especially poignant and candid moment, Turner writes, “Your life doesn’t change, and that’s the strange part—because it was supposed to.”

Related: 7 Tragic Memoirs That Deserve Your Tears

"After Life"

by Joan Didion

Following the death of her husband in 2003, renowned essayist, journalist, and author Joan Didion penned “After Life.” In her essay, Didion describes the moments leading up to her husband’s sudden death, and continues on in aching detail about the moments following her realization that he was gone. She describes her “waves” of grief which were at the same time both strange and typical, and reaches for an explanation of how different grief can be when it’s unexpected.

More of Didion’s profound writings include Slouching Toward Bethlehem , The White Album , and After Henry .

Fiction & Memoirs From 6 Influential Writers

Featured photo: Sincerely Media / Unsplash ; Additional images courtesy of Chris Karidis/ Unsplash ; Karl Bewick/ Unsplash ; Ian Espinosa/ Unsplash ; freestocks.org/ Unsplash

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Memoir Magazine

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Short, sweet and infrequent! Stay up-to-date with curated content, links to book reviews, interviews, craft essays, contest and submission announcements, and other excellent resources for memoir writers! All for FREE!

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Durations: A Memoir and Personal Essays Kindle Edition

• Print length 242 pages
• Language English
• Sticky notes On Kindle Scribe
• Publisher Wings Press
• Publication date September 1, 2017
• File size 2321 KB
• Page Flip Enabled
• Word Wise Enabled
• Enhanced typesetting Enabled
• See all details

Editorial Reviews

"It is not easy to look back over eight decades and reflect on one's life in an insightful, informative way that might be meaningful to other people. Carolyn Osborn has done so very, very well.... Her descriptions of the social dynamics of a small Texas town going through growing pains in the post-World War II boom brought on by the development of Fort Hood are fascinating as well. As a poignant portrait of human adaptability and resilience in the face of extraordinary loss and change, " Durations " cannot but captivate the reader." — San Antonio Express-News

About the Author

Product details.

• ASIN ‏ : ‎ B073G4NH3M
• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Wings Press; 1st edition (September 1, 2017)
• Publication date ‏ : ‎ September 1, 2017
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• File size ‏ : ‎ 2321 KB
• Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
• Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
• Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
• X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
• Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
• Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
• Print length ‏ : ‎ 242 pages
• Page numbers source ISBN ‏ : ‎ 1609405447
• #10,906 in Essays (Kindle Store)
• #11,281 in Biographies & Memoirs of Authors
• #30,999 in Essays (Books)

About the author

Carolyn osborn.

Carolyn Osborn graduated from the University of Texas at Austin with a Journalism degree in 1955, and an M.A. in 1959. She has won awards from P.E.N., the Texas Institute of Letters, and a Distinguished Prose Award from The Antioch Review (2003). Her stories have been included in The O. Henry Awards (Doubleday, 1990) and Lone Star Literature (Norton, 2003), among numerous other anthologies.

Osborn is the author of two novels, Contrary People (Wings Press, 2012) and Uncertain Ground (Wings Press,2009), a memoir, Durations (Wings Press, 2017), and four collections of short stories, including A Horse of Another Color (University of Illinois Press, 1977), The Fields of Memory (Shearer Publishing, 1984), Warriors & Maidens (Texas Christian University Press, 1991) and Where We Are Now (Wings Press, 2014).

The Book Club of Texas published an illustrated, specially bound edition of her story, The Grands (1990). In 2009, she received the Lon Tinkle Lifetime Achievement Award from the Texas Institute of Letters.

Visit Carolyn Osborn at www.carolynosborn.com

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The Writer's Workshop @ Authors Publish

The art of writing memoir with critically acclaimed author marin sardy, explore the art & craft of writing memoir and get extensive feedback on your writing.

You are invited to participate in The Art of Writing Memoir with Marin Sardy.

During this course, you will explore the craft of writing memoir, get extensive feedback on your writing, and personal help with the publication process.

In addition to the personal feedback on your work, Marin Sardy will introduce you to the techniques and craft elements most integral to memoir writing, including:

• How to search your memories for the moments that matter most
• How to describe moments so that they live and breathe on the page
• How to structure your memoir so you can tell your story in the most impactful way possible
• How to choose the right path to publication

You’ll also study excerpts from some of the best contemporary memoirs. The examples will illuminate how you can use the fundamental “building blocks” of memoir for maximum impact, while also surprising reader expectations.

Aided by these readings, you’ll explore a wide range of approaches to writing about our own lives, so you can best take advantage of memoir’s unique strengths.

Marin Sardy’s memoir was published by Pantheon, an imprint of Penguin Random House. Her essays have been published by Tin House, The New Yorker online and The Paris Review Daily, among many other places.

She is a successfully published author and an experienced professor and writing teacher, who cares about connecting with students and helping them grow as writers.

Marin is offering extensive feedback on student writing, as a core part of this course. Each week, you will have the opportunity to submit work for feedback from Marin. She will give you detailed notes on up to 5,000 words, plus revisions. She will also guide you through the process of finding publication.

The course starts on Monday, July 8th and ends on Friday, August 2nd. For those who need extra time, you will have a full six months to submit work for feedback. You will also be welcome to attend office hours after the course is officially over, so you can stay part of our community. (At no additional cost.)

Because of the extensive personal feedback in this course, enrollment is strictly limited to 22 students. Once the course fills, we will immediately close enrollment.

If you are planning on joining this course, I urge you to enroll right away.

A Four Week Workshop on the Art & Craft of Writing Your Memoir

Explore the art of writing memoir, get extensive feedback on your writing, and learn the process of finding publication – all with support from a successful author and instructor.

Four weeks of in-depth lessons on the art and craft of writing the memoir

Detailed feedback on your writing from Marin Sardy.

Personal guidance on the process of finding publication.

Access to live office hours with all of our instructors, even after the course has finished.

Full access to our private community of writers, so you can network with your fellow students.

About Marin Sardy

Marin Sardy is the author of the critically acclaimed memoir The Edge of Every Day: Sketches of Schizophrenia (Pantheon, 2019). Sardy’s book was excerpted in the New Yorker online and her essays have appeared in Tin House ,  Guernica ,   the Missouri Review , the Paris Review Daily , and many other journals, as well as in two award-winning photography books. Sardy has three times had her essays listed as “notable” in the Best American series and has been awarded residency fellowships at Hawthornden Castle and Catwalk Institute.

Workshop Schedule

The course starts on Monday, July 8th and ends on Friday, August 2nd, 2024. The course comes with daily lessons you can study on your own time, and interaction with Marin Sardy. Everything is provided online, through the digital learning platform hosted by Thinkific.

Note that you will have up to six months after the course finishes to submit your writing for feedback. Also note that you will have access to office hours even after the course is complete.

Daily lessons, available to study any time on our online learning platform, hosted by Thinkific.

Personal feedback on every lesson via email, our online discussion platform, or our private Facebook Group.

Weekly opportunities to submit your work for detailed feedback from the instructor.

Enrollment is strictly limited to 22 students. The early bird tuition is available until Monday, June 24th.

Full Tuition

2 x $273.50

Early Bird Payment Plan

Early Bird Tuition

Reviews of Workshops with Marin Sardy

Totally appropriate, and exactly what i needed..

I loved this course. I only wish it could be longer. Every selection was interesting. The writing exercises were provocative and enjoyable. The feedback on my essay submissions were good and useful. I want more!! (That's because the essays I submi...

I loved this course. I only wish it could be longer. Every selection was interesting. The writing exercises were provocative and enjoyable. The feedback on my essay submissions were good and useful. I want more!! (That's because the essays I submitted were early chapters of a book manuscript that is under review by a publisher. So any additional help could be very helpful to me.) While Marin's general concept of "the personal essay" doesn't always fit what I'm trying to do, everything she taught was useful to me, and very interesting. It there's a sequel, I would like to sign up!

Inspiring and Instructive

Susan cohen.

Marin Sardy provides excellent examples and instruction on different essay writing techniques while encouraging writers to share their challenges and fears. Her feedback is tactful and clear, with a keen intuition on where a writer wants to go a...

Marin Sardy provides excellent examples and instruction on different essay writing techniques while encouraging writers to share their challenges and fears. Her feedback is tactful and clear, with a keen intuition on where a writer wants to go and how to get there. Great class, highly recommended.

Highly Recommend This Fantastic Workshop!

Dana kinsey.

Marin is a gifted and caring teacher, supplying exactly the right feedback to assist in revision. Her honesty was refreshing and her insight was valuable. I never take courses to learn what I'm doing right; I take them to learn the opposite. Th...

Marin is a gifted and caring teacher, supplying exactly the right feedback to assist in revision. Her honesty was refreshing and her insight was valuable. I never take courses to learn what I'm doing right; I take them to learn the opposite. The pieces she chose as anchors inspired me to reach beyond my current style and really take some risks in terms of content and form. Her suggestions for publishers also proved super helpful. I could say much more, but I think it could be most telling to simply post a link (https://www.prose.onl/read/dana-kinsey) to the first piece I wrote with Marin that was actually published today, one week after the course ended. Without this workshop and Marin's expertise, it would not exist.

Excellent Introduction to Different Types of Personal Essays

Mary atkinson.

Marin Sardy's Personal Essay Workshop covered so much in a short time. She provided great examples of different ways to approach personal essays along with her insightful comments about them. I especially appreciated her emphasis on each writer's ...

Marin Sardy's Personal Essay Workshop covered so much in a short time. She provided great examples of different ways to approach personal essays along with her insightful comments about them. I especially appreciated her emphasis on each writer's personal process. We write to discover what we want to say and why and then dig deeper in revision. She is truly knowledgeable and passionate about the personal essay. I highly recommend her course!

The Personal Essay with Marin Sardy

Isa de quesada.

Excellent...when I started I had no idea how to begin an essay and get it published. This course gave me the tools necessary to funnel my writing into an essay form. The structure of the course was incredibly helpful in organizing myself and my wr...

Excellent...when I started I had no idea how to begin an essay and get it published. This course gave me the tools necessary to funnel my writing into an essay form. The structure of the course was incredibly helpful in organizing myself and my writing. I would love to take a level 2 Personal Essay Workshop with Marin.

Excellent workshop

Anneke campbell.

Marin Sardy's Personal Essay Workshop has been powerful, educational and fun. The workshop is very well organized in bite sized pieces with the right balance of reading, writing and exchange. I particularly appreciate her clarity and the fact that...

Marin Sardy's Personal Essay Workshop has been powerful, educational and fun. The workshop is very well organized in bite sized pieces with the right balance of reading, writing and exchange. I particularly appreciate her clarity and the fact that we have a half year to complete the work and get feedback. Highly recommended.

Marin Sardy's Personal Essay Class

Linda luther-starbird.

I very much enjoyed this class, and I learned that I liked personal essay much more than I had anticipated. This morning I read a review about using personal essay in memoir, which made it all the more interesting. Marin is a very good teacher. Sh...

I very much enjoyed this class, and I learned that I liked personal essay much more than I had anticipated. This morning I read a review about using personal essay in memoir, which made it all the more interesting. Marin is a very good teacher. She was highly organized, had very useful readings and references for us, and her feedback/critique on my homework assignments was very helpful. I would recommend this class to anyone desiring to learn a new form, or to those already interested in personal essay.

The course starts on Monday, July 8th and ends on Friday, August 2nd, 2024. Each week, we will release five lessons that you can study on your own time. These will be a mix of text-based lessons, recommended essays, and pre-recorded lectures. Each lesson comes with text-based discussion with the instructor and the class.

At the end of each week, you will have the opportunity to submit an assignment to the instructor for in-depth feedback. The feedback will be sent via email, and you are encouraged to ask as many follow up questions as needed.

There will also be two office hour sessions held via Zoom, which will be recorded for those who cannot attend live. They have not yet been scheduled.

Note, that if you fall behind on the course, you will have a full six months to complete the course and submit your work for feedback from the instructor.

Overall, expect to spend around 30 minutes a day on the course. Some days will require less work, some days will require more.

Lessons are released weekly, which gives you flexibility. Based on our experience with other courses, some students do the bulk of their work in one or two days each week, while others spend a little bit of time each day on our courses.

Because of the personal feedback Marin is providing, the workshop is strictly limited to 22 students. Once we reach that number we will immediately close enrollment.

Enroll in The Memoir Workshop with Marin Sardy

Shedding his Lemony Snicket persona, Daniel Handler lets off some steam

In his new book, “And Then? And Then? What Else?,” the author of “A Series of Unfortunate Events” explores the joys, frustrations and ironies of the writing life.

Writers lead messy lives, constantly condemned to days of lousy first drafts, failed ideas and chronic misstatements. Daniel Handler feels this deeply throughout his kinda-sorta memoir, “ And Then? And Then? What Else? ” Eventually it reaches a boiling point. Late in the book he abandons his quirky-cool demeanor — he’s best known as Lemony Snicket, author of the offbeat children’s books “A Series of Unfortunate Events” — and lets fly with an f-bomb-laden rant about cancel culture and the pressure writers feel to be everything to everyone.

It’s a fierce cri de coeur at a time when books — especially kids’ books — are targeted on the right and writers who misstep on the inclusivity front get targeted on the left. (Oddly, Handler doesn’t mention his own moment as a near-cancelee. Onstage while emceeing the 2014 National Book Awards, he directed a racist watermelon joke at Black author Jacqueline Woodson ; after a social media pile-on, he apologized.) Handler isn’t interested in wading far into the politics of writing today — elsewhere his prose tends toward the gentle, sprightly and personal. Still, it’s not hard to see why he made room for the tirade: He wants to encourage you to give up seeking easy answers about who writers are and how writing works.

“And Then?” — the title comes from a poem by Baudelaire, the namesake of the “Unfortunate Events” siblings — doesn’t have a subtitle to explain itself. But a good one might be “A Memoir of Writerly Confusions.” For Handler, the writing life means forever stepping into frustration and strange ironies. He recalls writing nine drafts for the “Unfortunate Events” movie before being fired from the job — and then being asked to consult on the script, without pay. “Previously I had considered these people innocent,” he says of the moviemakers, “and then maybe dumb, and then maybe a pack of vicious demons. I understood, too, that they were, at least obliquely, the reason I owned a house.”

Plainly, embracing the mess has made him a success: He recalls how some young Lemony Snicket fans were so excited to see him at readings that “bookstores began to have contingency plans for when a child, excited to meet me, threw up.” (The life of a reader can get messy, too.) So understandably, he’s fully embraced the idea of mess-as-process, that successful writing means wrestling with demons. On that front, he’s had a few. In one chapter, he recalls that during his college years he was stalked by visions of malevolent figures, accompanied by seizures that briefly sent him to a psych ward. Recovery wasn’t conquering those visions but making a kind of peace with them: “I still, to this day, see these figures, frequently but not frighteningly, not anymore,” he writes.

That experience has fueled a sensibility in which he does best when he’s open to strangeness. He takes inspiration from the melodrama of opera but also finds joy and insight in tacky kitsch like “Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.” His polestars as an artist are art-film figures like Guy Maddin, who tweaks silent-film conventions, and, most obviously, Edward Gorey, whose not-for-kids-but-really-they-are illustrated stories inspired the Lemony Snicket books’ mordant brilliance. Still, he keeps his heroes at arm’s length: Recalling sending Gorey a fan note, he writes: “I never heard back from Gorey, but shortly afterward he died. I like to think that I killed him.”

Lines like that reflect the sort of tone we want from writer’s guides — intimate, self-deprecating. But these days, we also want them to be practical. The most prominent modern example remains Stephen King’s memoir “On Writing,” and countless others since have borrowed its tone and intention. George Saunders’s “A Swim in the Pond in the Rain” invites us to study classic Russian short stories. In “Essays One,” Lydia Davis brilliantly dismantles her own stories like a car engine. Handler’s book belongs in that company, but he’s skeptical of how much he can offer in terms of practical tips: Whenever he hears the word “process,” he writes, “I wish I could lay my head down on a table.”

Yet there are moments when Handler warms to the role of advice giver. Like every author, he encourages you to read a lot — he recalls the teacher who introduced him to Muriel Spark, the perfect writer for him at just the right time. And he encourages writers to abandon bespoke notebooks and keep it simple; he describes his (yes) process for gathering and reshuffling notes into stories, and how he forgives his sloppy drafts. He’s taken a lesson from his occasional musical collaborator, Magnetic Fields frontman Stephin Merritt, who’s “a devout corraller of happy accidents, encouraging musicians to try the wrong approach, the bonkers note, anything to fill the blanks.”

But all this — Spark, Gorey, B-movies, weird troubling figures in the corner of your eye — doesn’t solve the problem of producing good writing. As for what does, Handler recalls working on a script for a director who sent his draft back pockmarked with the letters “DB,” short for “do better.” Handler was infuriated at the vague note, but he took the lesson: “Now I write it in my own margins all the time, shorthand for I don’t know what’s wrong here but it needs to improve. I want to write better, but I usually don’t know how. Nobody does, really.” For Handler, knowing there’s no right way to do it is the most liberating advice of all.

Mark Athitakis is a critic in Phoenix and the author of “ The New Midwest .”

And Then? And Then? What Else?

By Daniel Handler

Liveright. 240 pp. $26.99

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Interview: Digging Under the Skin of Alexandra West’s GORE-GEOUS: PERSONAL ESSAYS ON BEAUTY AND HORROR

When I first wrote House of Psychotic Women I was always asking myself what right I had to publish a memoir when I was relatively unknown — but in retrospect, there was safety in my obscurity. Which is why it’s especially remarkable to see such an intimate book of horror criticism come from someone who is already recognized as one of the leading lights in our field. Alexandra West’s Gore-Geous: Personal Essays on Beauty and Horror (Astrophil Press) sees the Faculty of Horror scholar tackle the topic of carefully-manicured outer appearances and what they mean, through a discussion of ten thematically linked films, including Carrie , Under the Skin , Audition and more. 

Given that we had both approached horror through this autobiographical lens, I wanted to talk to West about her writing process, deciding how much to share, navigating the privacy of people in our lives who inevitably become a part of our own stories, and how to find personal value in beauty rituals without getting sucked into the capitalistic cycle of shame they often feed. 

Kier-La Janisse: You have an academic background. And I feel like you and Alexandra Heller-Nicholas in particular, in your writing about horror, you both try to parlay that rigor and experience into much more accessible modes of writing — obvious signifiers being colloquialisms and profanity in your writing. I wanted to have you speak about that a little bit. Why do you feel it’s important to make the work accessible like this? Your book is also done by an academic publisher, and I was impressed with the fact that it is actually a regularly-priced book that people could afford!  

Alexandra West: That was something I was always really passionate about before I even understood that I was going to focus on horror writing. My two degrees are in theater — directing, dramaturgy writing, all of that stuff. And I had a really positive undergraduate experience. I took a lot of electives, did a lot of film studies classes, and I always struggled with the academic writing and always having to cite sources; like, I couldn’t just have an opinion . I always had to have it backed up. And that felt really unnatural to me, because art is so subjective and you’re always coming to it from your personal history. And I think that’s something a book like House of Psychotic Women does so clearly and so well.

I went to do my master’s at University of Toronto, and I really understood at that moment that there is an element of academia where it was just a circle jerk. Everyone was talking to each other in the same ways and citing the same stuff, but picking it apart in different ways. And some of the conversations were really interesting, but I was like, if we’re all just talking to the same people in our seminars and at these conferences, what good is it doing? Even your point about having a book that’s affordable — with academic texts there’s a huge barrier to access. 

And I wanted to keep being rigorous with my thinking, but I actually went back and reread my master’s thesis, which was on horror films that purport to be true. And it didn’t make any sense to me. It was just all jargon. I was like, who did I write this for? I certainly didn’t write it for me. I certainly didn’t write it for anyone to just pick up and enjoy, and think about something in a different way. And that’s where I was like, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down . That’s the kind of writing I really love to read, and how can I find my own voice within that? 

KJ: It’s interesting because Heidi Honeycutt has a book coming out this summer called I Spit On Your Celluloid , which is about women horror directors. And I was just looking at her intro, and she starts it off basically by saying that when you write academic books, you’re writing for yourself and for other academics, you’re not writing for actual horror fans. 

But I find an interesting thing has happened over the last decade. When I started the Miskatonic Institute of Horror Studies in 2010, part of why I did that was because I knew a lot of horror academics who were never able to actually teach the thing that they had expertise in. Because at the time it was not taken seriously enough for there to be a course in what they were passionate about. And so having Miskatonic was a way for a lot of those people to present a class in a totally different environment from an academic conference, where they’re sharing their work with this really hungry horror audience who know the films, who know the references. And a lot of them said they found it really reinvigorating for their practice. But I think in that time we’ve actually seen a shift, partially because a lot of academics are now coming from within the realm of pop culture and horror. It’s not this arm’s-length thing, like, ‘oh, look at this weird, curious thing that people are interested in.’

And you are an important part of that shift, I think, especially with the popularity of the Faculty of Horror podcast. When I first wrote House of Psychotic Women , I was known as a film programmer by a small community of film programmers. I had written for FANGORIA but I wasn’t known outside of a handful of hardcore horror fans. And so when I chose to write my book from a personal perspective, I just thought, nobody’s gonna read this book, you know? And so that helped me to share the things that I did. But you have now written several books. You have a popular podcast. You’ve been out there for a while as a personality in the horror world. So you are starting from a totally different point — when you choose to be personal and vulnerable, there’s a lot more at stake than when I did it. And so I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about that, about the pressures and the negotiation of your public persona and your public visibility with what you wanted to say in this book.

AW: A lot of this book came from the invitation from Astrophil Press: ‘Do you wanna do something with us?’ And while I took time to think about it, it was at the height of the pandemic. I was going through the darkest period of my personal life, which involved the dissolution of my marriage. And I basically had emotional whiplash, and I couldn’t go out, I couldn’t see my friends, I couldn’t go party. So I kind of had to white-knuckle through this period of my life.

And in having to sit with that and just get through it with very few distractions at a time when the world itself felt very precarious, I had to come to terms with a lot of things about myself. I returned to a lot of writers that I loved or admired and was re-reading them. And — I’m gonna butcher the quote — but it’s essentially a Virginia Woolf quote, that you can’t tell the truth about other people until you tell the truth about yourself . And that, along with the realization of how much energy I’d put into my marriage and how badly I wanted it to work, and trying to figure out why it didn’t work, it was like… I have to talk about some things. And I needed to talk about it in therapy, with my friends, with my family — but I also thought maybe this is something that could help people.

And then to your point about the bit of platform that I have, it was very much about how can I be emotionally honest for myself and not speak for other people. I really try to keep a lot of stuff private. I really try not to go into details. Because all the different relationships I talk about are give-and-take. They involve two people. I can only tell my side of the story. And so that was something that I felt very passionately about. Even if I wasn’t in the best place with these people, I wanted to give them a bit of grace.

And I was very fortunate that our colleague Alison Lang — who wrote Women with Guts and has been on the scene for a long time herself — was someone who I could give the chapters to for a first read and a gut check. Because I really wanted to be very honest, but also very respectful. And then on top of that, it was just like, how do I make this fun? How do I make it interesting? How do I make this readable? And that’s what also makes me very excited for people to read it. And also very, very nervous. 

KJ: When Alison was giving you feedback, was there anything she pulled out where she was like, are you sure you wanna share this? 

AW: No — I was very obviously sensitive about the chapter with my marriage, because that’s the one that has remained the most intact. That’s where I was like, I think I found the voice of this book. And she actually pushed me to go further. Like with that academic instinct to cite something and to support the evidence — one of the great pieces of feedback she gave me was, ‘you know, you don’t have to use a quote for all of this stuff. You’re already making the point in a way that’s better for this than citing something else.’ And so I pulled those quotes out, and suddenly had more space to tell my story. I was writing drafts of these chapters and then putting them down for a month and rewriting them. And each time I went back to it, it was like, ‘You’re trying to hide something. What are you trying to hide?’  And so that was a really interesting process with myself. 

KJ: When I wrote my book, I changed everybody’s name, but I had left in all kinds of other identifying things that I hadn’t thought about. Like I had a little business card in there that I had made when I was maybe ten. I was a pretty ambitious kid, I guess. I made a business card for myself that had my address and phone number on it. And when the book came out, my sister flipped out because she was like, ‘that’s still our address and phone number!’

But as you say, writing specifically that chapter about your marriage — obviously every chapter has some sort of personal story or anecdote that you are relating to the thematic subject matter. But the chapter about ’marriage material’ is definitely the one where you’re laying it on the line the most clearly, the most autobiographically. But when you tell your own story, you’re always telling the other person’s story — so it’s like trying to just not make them a casualty of your story. I thought you handled that really well compared to how I handled it. 

AW: Well, that means the world to me, coming from you. And it’s something I was very cognizant of, because I was literally going through the process of separation, and then divorce, while I was working on these first drafts and trying to figure it all out. But I always felt like if he ever read the book, I stand behind everything I wrote. When it comes to us, you know, good, bad. And I just wanted to be really clear that we did love each other really deeply. And it just didn’t work out. And that’s okay. Things don’t work out.

And when I was going back through it, you realize all these unintentional things. And one of them for me was that I started with Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs , which is all about ‘happily-ever-after,’ and then ended with, you know what, sometimes that doesn’t happen . 

KJ: I think it’s very cool that it was not even by design that you started with Snow White and ended with the marriage. ’Cause I was thinking, what a cool arc. 

AW: Oh, wait, what? That’s totally intentional. [laughs] 

KJ: One of the things I think you said in your intro or in the acknowledgements or something you had said you were talking to Paul Corupe about the book and he had said something like, ‘just think about what you’re adding to the conversation.’ And when I first started writing House of Psychotic Women , it took me so long to write it, because I was working a job and trying to do it at the same time. So it was taking forever. And I started to have this crisis of confidence, like, what is the point of me even writing this book? And so I decided to write it autobiographically. And one of the things that appealed to me about it was that — because it was saying right from the outset that this is a subjective book, this is my experience of something — nobody could tell me I was wrong. I mean, obviously people in my family have tried to tell me I’m wrong, but [laugh], you know, there was something very freeing about not having the anxiety about getting facts wrong. And so that enabled me to write it. But then as my book was either at the printer, or it had just come out, I was on a plane, and I had bought a book that Walter Chaw wrote about Miracle Mile , because I love that movie. And Walter’s book was autobiographical, like my book. And I was just like, thank God my book is already at the printer! Because if it hadn’t been, I’m so easily discouraged as a writer that if there’s another book that’s even close to what I wanna do, I just won’t do my book. I’ll throw it out, you know? So when I was reading about how Paul said, ‘just think about what you’re adding to the conversation,’ that struck me as a more healthy response. So what was it that you were concerned about, for him to say that?

AW: Oh, gosh. I mean, everything. Paul gave me that advice years ago, and that was something that really stuck with me. And it’s something that I’ve shared with a lot of people who are trying to get into the industry, or wanna do a big project. I always say, make sure your idea’s original. And if you are doing something that’s very similar, just make sure you understand the kind of lineage or the DNA or the airspace you’re all inhabiting. And Paul is just someone who I have always admired as a writer. And this process was taking so long, for a variety of reasons. And I was getting so frustrated with it. And I remember him just saying, ‘you know, you had the instinct to do this. Just keep going.’ And sometimes when your voices rage at you to throw it out, or to do it differently… or if I was struggling with a paragraph, struggling with a chapter, struggling with a movie, it’s like, what am I really saying about it? What is the undercurrent that I want someone to be able to take away from this? 

KJ: And when you’re writing a personal book, I feel like those feelings are really magnified too, because it’s like any judgment on the book is then a judgment on you, you know?

AW: Yes, exactly. And the idea of the writer is, it’s a very solitary pursuit. And that’s why I always feel so grateful to gain more and more colleagues that I can talk to really honestly about this stuff. We need those cheerleaders along the way. Because when you sit in self-doubt, or as just being, you know, a woman on the internet , we receive a lot of feedback constantly about all aspects of ourselves that people think they know about us. So it can feel like a lot. Like, a lot . A LOT. [laughs] And one of the things I kept thinking about while I was writing this book, it was definitely like, who’s gonna care? Like, what does it mean? You know, it’s cool that you compiled all of these films, but like, what are some of the themes? What does this theme mean to you? It starts to trigger a conversation. I think it’s in the introduction of my book, that this book is a series of moments. And I want you to have your own journey and use this as a framework to think about these moments for yourself. 

KJ: You talk about an eating disorder in the book, and I know someone dealing with an eating disorder at present. And this girl has gotten more compliments than they ever have in their life, where it’s just like, ‘wow, you look great, you look great, you look great.’ And I have another friend who — she’s always been gorgeous — but over the last couple years, it’s like she’s just transformed into this sultry supermodel or something. And I was just like, ‘wow, you look really terrific.’ And she said, ‘I’ve never felt worse in my life. I’m sick . There’s something wrong with me, you know? And everybody tells me how great I look.’  

And as much as we have all these ads that are trying to show body positivity and show all different body types and everything, the reality is that people still reward you more when you’re skinny, you know? And, being a woman, I obviously have my own ups and downs with weight and stuff, but even when you shop for clothes, it’s like… size zero ? Size zero is a normal size? According to the nutrition authorities, I’m obese . I don’t know if I just have a skewed perception, but when I look in the mirror, I don’t see an obese person. But according to the sort of normal BMI, body mass index, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff, I am actually obese according to those things. There’s something so wrong with this whole environment that we live in. Even though people are manufacturing clothes for women, they know that women have certain body confidence issues. And the clothing industry is catering to this, to making you want to be skinnier. And I don’t even know what benefit they have in that. If you’re manufacturing clothing, what difference does it make to you if your audience is size 14 or size zero? And yet they skew things to make you feel like you’re not fitting into clothes right. To the point where people who have eating disorders are getting this superficial boost in confidence, because they’re getting all these compliments when they’re actually not healthy. And I know you talk about that at some point in your book too, like not being at your best internally, and yet externally, everybody is saying how great you look and what a weird conflict that is.

AW: Yeah. It’s been an ongoing instance for myself, and for a lot of people I know. Again, that dichotomy of, if you go through an illness or stress, or you are grappling with disordered eating or an eating disorder, and the control takes over. And there would be times when I’d just be like, I don’t look well , and catch like a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I’m quite pale. My skin was almost a gray tone. And then someone would be like, ‘Oh my God, you look great.’ And it’s like, oh no, I can feel that toxic turn happening again. Like it’s all starting to tighten again. That need for control is like, see, it’s working. It’s working. And now that I’ve started on a path to recovery, it has been understanding that it never actually protected me. It didn’t serve me. I doubt it did that much for me except boost my dark little ego in those moments. It was holding me back. It was keeping me in this cycle of control rather than just starting to let go and let me be a bit more gentle with myself.

And before I went to proofing and printing and all of that good stuff, I had conversations with a lot of people close to me in my life. Because I didn’t want them to be surprised by this. And it’s just been amazing the conversations I’ve been able to have. Everyone to some degree is struggling with this and we don’t truly know why. And it’s like, if we wanna go for a run, go for a run — but also, eat that big bowl of pasta [laugh]. You know, how do we let ourselves be happy? 

And so much of this starts from the second we start consuming content; everybody we see on screen is, by and large, white, thin, cis, able-bodied, young. So if we’re gonna be the protagonist in our own life, if we’re gonna take up space, we have to adhere to that because that’s what’s acceptable. And when you look at something like Carrie , I mean, you and I have talked about that being one of our mutual favorite films. And in the book, Stephen King describes Carrie quite differently than Sissy Spacek and what she looks like. I don’t know if the Carrie in King’s novel would’ve gotten to be the lead character in the film.

KJ: Yeah. No, I don’t think so. You know, because Carrie, in the film, it’s one of those things like the secretary taking off her glasses [laugh], and now she’s like, oh my God, you’ve been gorgeous this whole time and I didn’t know it [laugh]. We can see that the transformation actually isn’t that drastic, even though the people in the film are perceiving this to be a drastic change. And I think part of that also is because there’s baggage associated with her. So I think it’s much more the baggage of her social pariah status that she’s transforming out of. But that’s actually my favorite chapter in your book, the Prom chapter. Not just because it’s about Carrie , but I just love the whole way that you talked about the Prom as having this almost religious transformational potential, that there is this expectation that people’s true selves are going to emerge, you know? And that this will be a life-defining moment where your fortune can change with this one night.

There’s that scene in Pretty in Pink where Annie Potts is talking about how she has a friend who skipped the prom, and now as an adult, she constantly gets hit with these waves of anxiety. Like something is missing . And then she realizes that it’s actually just because she skipped the prom. And I never had a prom. I graduated from an alternative school, and I have always had that feeling like I’ve missed something. So I am also susceptible to this idea about the prom! So I wanted you to talk a bit about that transformational aspect of the prom, but also what you say about the whole ritual of getting ready for the prom, because I loved that. 

AW: Yeah. I grew up being fascinated by beauty and makeup and the products and all of that. So I remembered very clearly getting ready for my prom. I was not very popular in high school. So [laugh] there were several nights when I just practiced doing makeup. ’Cause that was fun to me. And so I was like, okay, it’s all happening. This is it. This is the show. It’s all gonna go down. And that was the highlight of my night — that was the most fun I had. I was listening to the music I wanted, I was playing around with a dark lipstick, I was playing with my hair. I was trying to figure it out. And I was just in my own little world getting to control that space and how I looked, and how I wanted to project myself. Because it was the first instance of getting to truly practice who this person I wanted to become was. And then the rest of the evening is kind of like a womp-womp . You know, you’re standing around. I went to an arts high school, so we were quite a small class, so we had the prom, but we’re in a banquet hall and there’s like 50 of us. It was a weird scene. 

There were so many nights where getting ready was the most fun. Because it’s putting on armor to go out into the world and be like, this is who I am tonight . And when we think of the prom, it’s, you know — who are we crowning king and queen? Why do they get crowned king and queen? Why do they get this power over us? And it’s always been a kind of confusing thing because, like you, I grew up watching so many American movies and it was like, this is it. This is when it happens . And so that was a real moment of reflection, like, it’s not always gonna work out the way you think it is. And you know, everything you’re sold, you don’t always have to buy. And I think in retrospect that was a very good lesson for me to learn.

KJ: But this moment when you’re getting ready and you have your routine and you’ve got your products and your music and everything in that moment, it’s this fun preparation for these possibilities that you don’t know if they’ll ever happen. But in that moment, it’s like anything can happen , you know? So given the joy that you obviously got out of those moments, I guess the question I’m trying to ask is about the value of the beauty ritual. Like if on the one hand if we’re saying all this beauty stuff is bad, but on the other hand there’s this incredible joy [laugh] that comes from putting on the makeup and perfecting the eyeliner — what is the middle ground? You know, between an industry that’s exploiting people and the actual moment of empowerment that you feel in front of the mirror?

AW: Yeah. That’s a great question. And it’s a really tricky one because the beauty industry hits us on multiple sides. It’s not only selling us products, it’s selling us ideals. We were talking about eating disorders; are we skinny enough? Are we this and that enough? And the beauty industry perpetuates itself on trends — what’s hot this month? And if you’re really into it in some ways, you’re always chasing that ideal. And the ideal is always changing. And I’ve seen some people really lust after that. 

And I think, in many ways, if you’re curious about beauty, if you’ve got the inkling towards doing something to your face in the morning, it’s a way to play. It’s a way to refine an expression of yourself. There is joy in the play, and that’s what I always hope for. And on a good day, that’s what I get. On bad days it’s like, well look at your dark under-eyes. Did you gain weight? And so you can pick yourself apart in the process of doing it. So it is the hardest tension in the world to navigate.

And, and you know, in the eating disorder recovery I’m doing, the dietician I’m working with said something really interesting. She said there’s a thing about eating disorders; it’s a voice in your head and it’s telling you not to eat that or to do that, it’s trying to control everything you have to do with food. And she said the scariest thing is often that voice just sounds like you . And it’s not you . And you have to figure out how to separate that voice and get it out of your head. Without getting all Joan-of-Arc about it, there’s some competing interests in my head, and how do I figure out the healthy ones and the fun ones, and what are the ones that are a form of control, that are part of the anxiety that are holding me back? 

And, you know, I love a routine. I thrive in routine. And so it’s like a little 15 minutes in the morning of fun for me. I’m having my coffee, I’m listening to music or a podcast. And it’s just the self-care part of it, but self-care without being overly corporatized. That actually just makes me happy. 

KJ: Having now written a book that is very personal, do you feel that you need to have an emotional palette-cleanser with your next project? And was writing this book part of determining whatever that next thing would be?

AW: Yeah, I have an idea for my next book that I’m outlining and slowly gonna start writing as soon as I get over this release. In many ways it’s a research-based project, but I’m gonna work my way in. I’m gonna have some cameos. I want to continue to perfect what Gore-Geous brought out in me. I think that’s kind of where I’m happy to live now, and just be open to see what happens next. 

Alexandra West’s book Gore-Geous: Personal Essays on Beauty and Horror is available now from Astrophil Press . 

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Tajja Isen Is Wary of the ‘Personal Essay Economy’

Here’s what you need to know: Tajja Isen’s lore runs deep. As coworkers at a now defunct digital magazine (RIP Catapult), I found myself constantly awed by her editorial vision and subtle humor, but it was her Wikipedia that really began to reveal the depth of her main character-ness. But even that hardly manages to scratch the surface. In her debut essay collection, Some of My Best Friends , Tajja Isen invites us into the complexities and contradictions of that expansive personal history.

Weaving together cultural criticism with personal narrative, she examines the limitations of progressivism, shifting between registers both humorous and heartbreaking. I spoke with Isen about the evolution of the personal essay economy, the horrors of writing about a politicized body , and rejecting representation as our ultimate end goal.

Leah Johnson: You talk a lot about the evolution and expectations of the personal essay form. I think you use the phrase, “It feels like pressing on a bruise too hard.” How did you decide how much pressing on a bruise you wanted to do and how much you wanted to keep to yourself?

Tajja Isen: Interestingly, I filed my first draft to my editors, and they were like, “Great. This is sharp, this is smart. But where are you in this book?” And I think I had pitched it much more as a personal critical essay collection, and then I sent them a critical essay collection. So a lot of the work of revision was figuring out what I was comfortable with and where I saw myself sitting into this book. And I feel like I was trying to develop a new vocabulary for talking about myself and my experiences. Because I do think a lot of what I see writers push to do in the personal essay economy, especially racialized writers, as I talk about in the book, does feel too bruise-like. And I didn’t want to feel trapped by any of those familiar scripts.

I know that no matter what I do, no matter how much I withhold or how carefully I fashion the version of myself that I want to appear on a page, somebody’s going to read this book and say, “Tajja Isen writes about how hard it is to be Black.” I don’t have to do anything. I just put the book out and somebody’s going to say that. And somebody has indeed already said that.

And so, it’s almost like in crafting the version of myself that would appear on the page, who I do think of very much as a character, as a fashioned self. I was probably running against that. And not wanting to say anything that could possibly be construed as lending weight to that hypothesis. Which sounds like I was way up in my head and not having a good time, which wasn’t the case. I had a great time writing this book. I made myself laugh. Anytime I could do that, I was like, “All right, the writing is going well.”

LJ: In one of your essays, you talk about the horror of writing about a politicized body. Can you walk me through overcoming that or powering through that in your years since becoming a personal essayist?

TI: I knew that the ongoing refusal to allow any personal traces of myself in the work was unsustainable. So, to see the xoJane model of personal writing was like, “Oh, what if I try that? Then it’ll feel authentic and more like me.” And at first it was so beguiling. It felt like, “Okay, I can do this. It’s not that hard for me to do this. Editors like it if I do this.” And then I took it too far. Then I was reading back some of the published pieces, and I was like, “Well, this is just an inverted problem. This does not feel true. This does not feel authentic. This does not feel fair to me either.” Like, I just replaced one set of very expected and acceptable and conventionally agreed upon set of poses with another.

So, I walked it back. And sometimes I feel like it’s an ongoing negotiation. Like I always have to check in with myself to see what I’m comfortable sharing, regardless of the form. I feel like I often have to ask myself: How am I coming across? And is this what I want to be putting out there?

LJ: The book opens with an essay about animation’s sort of messy push in the past few years to hire actors that reflect the race of the characters they’re playing as a way of course correcting. It often feels this way in publishing too, this sort of performative attempt to “get things right” to the exclusion of everything else. How are you navigating both of these fields in terms of your creative practice? Is this handwringing about getting things right all the time changing your approach to writing or to acting?

TI: I think in both cases, my response is to just clock it, roll my eyes, and move on. I can’t let it influence the work. Certainly in voice acting it’s easier to separate myself off from it because the process is so siloed. No matter what, handwringing conversations are going on as part of the media cycle, but at the end of the day, it’s just me and the mic and the booth. So, I can roll my eyes at the character description or whatever, but it’s easier, I guess, to just treat it as a job. I don’t have the same stake in it as I do with my own work and with my own writing.

With writing, it is harder to tune out the noise. Even as I was writing the book, the conversations around a lot of these subjects are changing so rapidly. And I was like, is this even something that people are going to want nuanced longform opinions on? Or has the subject of representation of the personal essay economy just gotten to a point where people just want to hear, “Yes, diversity good.” But at the same time, I can’t let it. I keep abreast of it. It’s important because it’s part of our jobs as editors. And I also don’t want the writers I work with to embarrass themselves. That means asking them, “Do you really want to say that? Have you thought about the way this might be construed, and how that’s contrary to what I’m reading your intentions to be?”

LJ: I think sometimes it comes down to this doesn’t just exist on the page, this also has to live in the world. And so, it’s a matter of, how do I want my work to exist in the world and how do I want to exist alongside it?

TI: That’s why I was so nervous for the Time piece to come out , because I feel like it does present the book in a certain way to have the first piece of it appear under a headline like “America Doesn’t Know How to Read the Work of Black Writers.” It was like, “Okay, here we go.”

LJ: I thought that was really interesting, especially after I read it. I was like, “Well, I don’t even know how well that title characterizes what it is Tajja’s trying to accomplish here.” But it’s good for clicks—at the end of the day, we need the clicks.

Of course, an early, early, early version of that essay appeared in Electric Lit in 2017 as “Tiny White People.” And I wonder how have you seen the conversation around literary representation changed since you wrote the original version of that essay to now that you’re putting this version of it out?

TI: When I published the original version of that piece in 2017, it was in the midst of an explosion of pieces that were making a similar argument. And I think at the time, we hadn’t seen that argument in a lot of places, so it seemed very fresh. It was really thrilling to be a part of that sea change and feel like, “Oh, I’m a part of wave of writers and thinkers happening on the internet.” At its best, that’s what the personal essay economy does. But I don’t think that argument is especially original anymore.

I do think we have collectively moved past the idea that representation as an uncritical good and that it should be the political end goal. And so, one of my big worries was putting the excerpt out as the book’s first foot forward. I didn’t want it to be perceived as stopping exactly where the first one did. Because I think that argument by now is the kind of problem that makes white people very comfortable. It’s like, “Oh, yes, of course representation is important because…” Or “Of course people need to see themselves.” And that’s not enough. My thinking has changed, and I wanted the essay to reflect those shifts, both personal and cultural, and not seem like it’s in any way stuck in five years ago. It’s hard.

Also, in the original version of “Tiny White People,” I think I was very hard on my younger self, more so than I needed to be. And that did paint the issue as more binary than it actually is, which is like white male canon bad, representation good. And that’s the argument I’m referring to when I say that it has turned into something that’s very comfortable for white people. It’s easy to hit retweet on that take without reading the piece piece even, and without considering the ways in which representation can also be a form of lip service, can also point to the progress where real progress has not been made.

LJ: I’ve been thinking a lot about when The Slap happened at the Oscars, there was the initial shock, and then immediately later, the next beat was, “Oh man, we’re going to get think-pieced out this week. They’re going to think-piece us straight to hell.” And I was just like, “Wow. Oh, we are in a rut. We are really stuck somewhere.” I wonder, for you, if it seems like we’re all writing about the same things all the time then is there a such thing as too much?

TI: I think we have reached a saturation point. When I saw that move happening on Twitter, I was like, “This is the darkest timeline. There’s no way out of this.” I think originality of argument and just being able to articulate what’s distinctive about one’s own contribution is a very neglected part of pitching and writing. I think that’s because of the way publishing works. It’s like comp titles. We know what worked before and that’ll work again. And I think to a certain extent, if you’re a writer trying to make your living in that economy, no judgment from me if you want to just get your money and do the thing that worked before, because people want to pay big coins for that. But do I think that has an adverse effect for what writers feel able and free and comfortable to do and express? Absolutely.

Leah Johnson is an eternal midwesterner and author of award-winning books for children and young adults. Her bestselling debut YA novel, You Should See Me in a Crown , was a Stonewall Honor Book, and the inaugural Reese's Book Club YA pick. In 2021, TIME named You Should See Me in a Crown one of the 100 Best Young Adult Books of All Time. Her essays and cultural criticism can be found in Cosmopolitan, Teen Vogue, and Harper's Bazaar among others. When she’s not writing, you can find her at Loudmouth Books, her Indianapolis-based independent bookstore that specializes in highlighting the work of marginalized authors and uplifting banned or challenged books.

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16 of the Best Celebrity Memoirs to Read in 2023

I t’s no secret that as a society, we’re obsessed with the idea of celebrity , which is perhaps why this memoir genre has become so widely popular over time. When we read highly intimate stories written by our favorite actors, musicians, and public figures, the curtain is temporarily pulled back, giving us an up-close and personal look at the people behind the fame. It’s like reading a private diary or, even better, catching up with an old friend.

And while it’s true that we may never actually be able to sit down and chat with our favorite stars, reading essays where they recount their inspiring journeys (and all of the juicy drama along the way) is arguably the next best thing. If you’re looking for the best celebrity memoirs to read this year, you can start by checking out these 16 standout titles below.

1. Spare // Prince Harry

The most recent release on this list is Spare , an emotional tell-all by Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex . Divided into three sections, the book lets readers in on the intimate details of his life, including his mother Princess Diana ’s death, his service in the military, falling in love with Meghan Markle , and making the difficult decision to leave the royal family .

Wondering where the title Spare comes into play? It comes from the colloquial idea that royal families should have at least two children: “An heir and a spare.” The spare , or the second-born child, would serve as a guarantee that, should anything happen to the first child, there would always be a continuation of the royal family lineage . This added context sets the tone for a memoir that doesn’t pull any punches as Prince Harry fearlessly critiques both the British royal family and the impact of living an incredibly public life under the media’s gaze.

2. I’m Glad My Mom Died // Jennette McCurdy

Penned by former Nickelodeon star Jennette McCurdy, I’m Glad My Mom Died took the world by storm in 2022 and, as of this writing, has spent 23 consecutive weeks on The New York Times bestseller list. The book chronicles McCurdy’s early beginnings as a child actor and recounts her tumultuous struggles with eating disorders, addiction, and an abusive relationship with her mother, who died of breast cancer in 2013. I’m Glad My Mom Died was originally a darkly comedic one-woman show that McCurdy performed for audiences in Los Angeles and New York City before adapting the material into a memoir. 

3. Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood // Trevor Noah

The title of Trevor Noah’s bestselling memoir is unfortunately not a play on words: It was literally a crime to be born a mixed-race baby in South Africa during the apartheid era, when interracial relationships were banned and racial classification was the foundation of all societal laws. Published in 2016, Born a Crime chronicles the hardships Noah faced while growing up in the twilight of apartheid and poignantly reflects on the years leading up to his rise to fame as an award-winning writer, comedian, producer, actor, and former longtime host of The Daily Show . In 2018, Noah won the Audie Award for Best Male Narrator for his narration of the Audible-exclusive audiobook version of the book.

4. We Were Dreamers // Simu Liu

Mirroring the storyline of Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, this bestselling memoir is its own immigrant superhero origin story of sorts. In the first half of We Were Dreamers , Marvel star Simu Liu traces his parents’ unique and hard-fought experience immigrating to Canada against all odds.

It isn’t until the second half of the book that Liu begins to unravel his own journey toward stardom, from becoming a breakout TV star on Kim’s Convenience to eventually landing the role of a lifetime in Marvel’s first Asian superhero film. Prior to finding success in the entertainment industry, he was laid off from the consulting firm Deloitte, where he worked as an accountant for nine months after graduating from the Ivey Business School at the University of Western Ontario. 

5. Finding Me // Viola Davis

Best known for her starring performance as Annalise Keating on ABC’s hit drama How to Get Away With Murder , actress Viola Davis wrote this much-celebrated memoir “for anyone who needs reminding that a life worth living can only be born from radical honesty and the courage to shed facades.” Finding Me channels this very honesty as Davis bravely writes about her rise to fame despite the trauma and adversity she has experienced throughout her lifetime. Davis attended and graduated from the Juilliard School in 1993 and is the first Black woman to win an Oscar, an Emmy, and a Tony for acting—earning her the coveted title of Triple Crown winner.

6. Behind the Wand: The Magic and Mayhem of Growing Up a Wizard // Tom Felton

Prepare to meet a real-life “wizard” as you crack open the pages of Behind the Wand , a recent memoir by Harry Potter star Tom Felton. In it, the actor shares fun-filled, behind-the-scenes anecdotes of life on-set as Draco Malfoy , reflects on his mischievous childhood as the youngest of four brothers, and gets vulnerable about his struggles with mental health and addiction after wrapping the films. Not only that, but Felton reveals many fascinating, long-kept secrets throughout the book, including the fact that he’s “always had a secret love” for costar Emma Watson and knew next to nothing about the famous fantasy book series during the audition process.

7. Taste: My Life Through Food // Stanley Tucci

Whether you know actor Stanley Tucci from his scene-stealing roles in films like The Devil Wears Prada or The Hunger Games series, or from his food-centric travel show Stanley Tucci: Searching for Italy (or even through his two popular Italian-style cookbooks), his memoir Taste: My Life Through Food is an absolute delight. In it, he shares mouthwatering recipes and evocative, yet lighthearted, stories about growing up in Westchester, New York, as the grandson of Italian immigrants. Additionally, he traces how food has shaped his life, loves, and ultra-successful career. The self-proclaimed foodie knows his stuff, and in the early days of the pandemic, his high-end, DIY Negroni tutorial even went viral online. 

8. Making a Scene // Constance Wu

As an actress and activist, Constance Wu rose to fame thanks to her roles in the ABC comedy Fresh Off The Boat and the 2018 film Crazy Rich Asians , both of which boasted predominantly Asian-led casts and further championed Asian-American representation in media. In this debut collection of personal essays, Wu shares memories of her early childhood and reveals her harrowing experience of rape, abuse, and sexual assault. The star also muses on finding solace in acting, a career where embracing big emotions isn’t just accepted—but encouraged. Wu’s critically acclaimed performances have earned her multiple award nominations, including at the Golden Globes and Critics’ Choice Awards, plus a spot on the Time 100 Most Influential People of 2017 list .

9. Becoming // Michelle Obama

Becoming is a moving memoir penned by Michelle Obama, former First Lady of the United States and the first Black woman to ever serve in that role. The book begins by recounting Obama’s formative years growing up on the South Side of Chicago and traces the entirety of her incredible life and career, through her influential time in the White House and beyond. In each chapter, she reflects on topics ranging from her massive public health campaign to her experiences as a mother, as well as her historic impact on the world as a whole.

Becoming was initially released in 24 different languages and with more than 17 million copies sold worldwide, it is now regarded as one of the bestselling books of all time. A documentary of the same name, which followed Obama’s book tour in promotion of the memoir, was released by Netflix in 2020. In 2022, she also released a follow-up, The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times.

10. The Storyteller: Tales of Life and Music // Dave Grohl

As a twice-inducted Rock & Roll Hall of Fame member, Dave Grohl has lent his musical talents to multiple legendary rock and grunge bands over the years, including Scream, Nirvana , and Foo Fighters. In The Storyteller , he shares stories about his early childhood in Virginia, his reckless days as a dirt-broke touring musician, and his life-changing experience of becoming a father. The audiobook version also features a bonus chapter that’s not included in the physical book, plus five snippets of never-before-heard original demos produced and performed by Grohl himself.

11. My Body // Emily Ratajkowski

This debut collection of memoir-style, feminist essays from actress, model, and activist Emily Ratajkowski gives readers an up-close and personal look at her work in the modeling and entertainment industries. Told in a non-linear format, Ratajkowski’s stories reveal the relentless challenges she faced with abuse and harassment while building the foundation of her successful career, including her involvement in the music video for the controversial 2013 song “Blurred Lines,” as well as her experiences with sexual assault. Her essay titled Buying Myself Back , which appears in the collection, was first published in The Cut in 2020. 

12. Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing // Matthew Perry

The title says it all: Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing is actor and comedian Matthew Perry’s bestselling tell-all in which he writes candidly about his experience on Friends , one of the most popular sitcoms of all time. In true Chandler Bing fashion, the work blends earnestness with Perry’s own signature sarcasm and dry humor, as he also recounts his various romantic relationships over the years and delves into his decades-long struggle with drug and alcohol addiction.

Perry originally began writing the book in the Notes app on his iPhone , tapping out his life story during a long-term stay in a Los Angeles hospital where he suffered from pneumonia, an exploded colon, and experienced a brief stint on life support, followed by two weeks in a coma and multiple stomach surgeries.

13. She Memes Well // Quinta Brunson

Quinta Brunson is best known as the creator and star of the hit ABC comedy Abbott Elementary . But before she found fame on the show, she wrote and starred in countless viral video sketches at Buzzfeed, and gained a big following on social media for her self-produced Instagram video series Girl Who Has Never Been On a Nice Date.

In her 2021 debut essay collection, She Memes Well, the award-winning writer, actress, and comedian writes with humor and heart about growing up in West Philadelphia, becoming “Internet famous,” and the importance of staying true to yourself at all costs. In 2022, Brunson became the first Black woman to be nominated three times in the same year for the comedy category at the Emmy Awards (she won for Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series).

14. If You Ask Me (And Of Course You Won’t) // Betty White

The late Betty White ’s trailblazing career in the entertainment industry spanned more than seven decades. Whether you know her from her iconic roles on The Mary Tyler Moore Show or The Golden Girls (or from her later performances in modern rom-coms like The Proposal) , her 2011 collection of memoir-style essays reflects just what a national treasure she was.

In the book, White shares hilarious stories and heartfelt commentary on her extensive work in show business as a pioneer of early television and the first woman to ever produce a sitcom. She earned plenty of awards and accolades along the way, and even made the Guinness World Records in 2013 for Longest TV Career for an Entertainer (Female), in recognition of her 70-odd years in front of (and behind) the camera.

15. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) // Mindy Kaling

Watch almost any episode of the NBC sitcom The Office and it’s easy to see why Mindy Kaling’s sharp wit and signature sense of humor had a major hand in bringing one of the most celebrated comedies of all time to life on screen. But did you know that before she made her way to television, Kaling’s comedy first took center stage in Matt & Ben , a satirical , “bromantic” play about Matt Damon and Ben Affleck’s friendship? In Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me , the award-winning actress, writer, director, and producer shares this little-known origin story and more in essays that radiate cool, big-sister-giving-you-life-advice energy in the best way. The Mindy Project star followed this book up with a second collection, titled Why Not Me?, in 2015.

16. Me // Elton John

With more than 300 million records sold worldwide and a career in music spanning over six decades, Elton John is easily one of the most prolific artists of all time. His official autobiography, aptly titled Me , aims to capture as much of the British singer, pianist, and composer’s fascinating life as possible, from his childhood music lessons and early days of fame to his extremely public struggle with a drug addiction. The star also delves into his experiences as a father, and his continued success as a musician and producer today. The majority of the audiobook version is narrated by Taron Egerton, who played John in the hit 2019 biopic Rocketman .

This article was originally published on mentalfloss.com as 16 of the Best Celebrity Memoirs to Read in 2023 .

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Why Are Divorce Memoirs Still Stuck in the 1960s?

Recent best sellers have reached for a familiar feminist credo, one that renounces domestic life for career success.

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By Sarah Menkedick

Sarah Menkedick’s most recent book is “Ordinary Insanity: Fear and the Silent Crisis of Motherhood in America.”

“The only way for a woman, as for a man, to find herself, to know herself as a person, is by creative work of her own,” Betty Friedan wrote in “ The Feminine Mystique ,” in 1963. Taking a new role as a productive worker is “the way out of the trap,” she added. “There is no other way.”

On the final page of “ This American Ex-Wife ,” her 2024 memoir and study of divorce, Lyz Lenz writes: “I wanted to remove myself from the martyr’s pyre and instead sacrifice the roles I had been assigned at birth: mother, wife, daughter. I wanted to see what else I could be.”

More than 60 years after Friedan’s landmark text, there remains only one way for women to gain freedom and selfhood: rejecting the traditionally female realm, and achieving career and creative success.

Friedan’s once-provocative declaration resounds again in a popular subgenre of autobiography loosely referred to as the divorce memoir, several of which have hit best-seller lists in the past year or two. These writers’ candid, raw and moving exposés of their divorces are framed as a new frontier of women’s liberation, even as they reach for a familiar white feminist ideology that has prevailed since “The Problem That Has No Name,” through “Eat, Pray, Love” and “I’m With Her” and “Lean In”: a version of second-wave feminism that remains tightly shackled to American capitalism and its values.

Lenz, for example, spends much of her book detailing her struggle to “get free,” but never feels she needs to define freedom. It is taken as a given that freedom still means the law firm partner in heels, the self-made woman with an independent business, the best-selling author on book tour — the woman who has shed any residue of the domestic and has finally come to shine with capitalist achievement.

It is not the freedom for a woman to stay home with her child for a year, or five. The freedom to stop working after a lifetime toiling in low-wage jobs. The freedom for a Filipina nanny to watch her own children instead of those of her “liberated” American boss. The freedom to start a farm or a homestead or engage in the kind of unpaid work ignored by an economy that still values above all else the white-collar professional labor long dominated by men — and in fact mostly fails to recognize other labor as valuable at all.

One of the paradoxes the divorce memoir highlights is that women’s work is made invisible by a society that disparages it, and the only way it becomes visible is through the triumphant narrative of a woman’s escape from it — which only reinforces its undesirability and invisibility.

In Maggie Smith’s 2023 memoir “ You Could Make This Place Beautiful ,” Smith details the critical inflection point when her poem “ Good Bones ” goes viral, her career takes off and her marriage begins to implode. She tells a reporter from The Columbus Dispatch: “I feel like I go into a phone booth and I turn into a poet sometimes. Most of the other time, I’m just Maggie who pushes the stroller.”

Nothing threatening, nothing meaningful. Just a mom pushing the stroller in the meager labor of women — until she slips into the phone booth and transforms into an achieving superhero.

This is not to diminish Smith’s work, a unique and highly refined series of linked essays that build into an emotional symphony about marital breakdown. Her intention is not, like Lenz’s, to condemn the institution of marriage or to rejoice in her release from hers, which is complicated, excruciating and tender. Her depictions of divorce clearly resonate with readers and offer solace and insight into a common experience of heartbreak. But it’s worth asking what exactly is being celebrated in the huge cultural reception her memoir, and other popular divorce memoirs, have received.

Leslie Jamison’s book “ Splinters ,” published the same day as “This American Ex-Wife,” is an exquisite, textured and precise articulation of the collapse of her marriage, all nuance and interiority where Lenz’s writing is blunt and political. But here, too, we get a female narrator for whom freedom and acceptance ultimately signify professional success. Jamison is much more vexed about this formula, but in the end she settles for lightly querying rather than assailing it. She jokes about how her editor is stressed about book sales while she’s stressed about her baby sleeping on airplanes, and mocks this as a “humblebrag”: “ I don’t care about ambition! I only care about baby carriers! ” She rushes to clarify in the next sentence, “Of course I cared about book sales, too.”

Herein lies the ultimate paradigm, the space no woman wants to explore: What if the modern woman didn’t actually care about book sales? About making partner? About building a successful brand? That would be unthinkable. Embarrassing. Mealy, mushy, female.

But later in “Splinters,” Jamison skewers the cult of male, capitalist achievement: “My notion of divinity was gradually turning its gaze away from the appraising, tally-keeping, pseudo-father in the sky who would give me enough gold stars if I did enough good things, and toward the mother who’d been here all along,” she writes. I felt an electric optimism reading this. If feminism wants to tackle patriarchy, it needs to start with that pseudo-father and his metrics of a person’s worth.

Jamison struggles toward this in “Splinters.” She wants so badly to be remarkable. To banter about the Russian G.D.P. while she spoon-feeds her toddler, or to impress arrogant lovers who critique her conversation as only “85 percent as good as it could be.” At the same time, she yearns “to experience the sort of love that could liberate everyone involved from their hamster wheels of self-performance,” a love that will “involve all your tedious moments.”

Yes , I found myself saying, I want to read about this love . A mother love that is radical, creative, affirming, even and especially in its difficulty and tedium. Jamison almost gets there, but returns ultimately to the affirmation that it’s OK to want more: “quiet mornings at my laptop, tap-tap-tapping at my keyboard.”

It is certainly OK, and natural, to want more. But what I find most exhilarating in this beautiful book is the possibility that it’s also OK to let go of wanting. It’s OK to not write a best seller, to not hold a prestigious title, to not start your own brand. It’s OK, even, to not try to find yourself, that most American of quests.

Divorce, sure. Ditch the toxic men, strike out on your own. But there’s nothing new or radical there. The radical is in a feminism that examines care as profound, powerful work and centers rather than marginalizes mothering, as both a lived act and a metaphor. We must let go of this half-century-old notion that the self can be “found” only after the roles of “mother, wife, daughter” have been rejected.

With friends, Jamison recounts lively anecdotes from a trip to Oslo with her daughter in order to prove that her life had not “‘gotten small,’ a phrase I put in quotes in my mind, though I did not know whom I was quoting.” Yet in this phrase lies another way of living: letting things get small, in a world that sees and celebrates mostly superlatives, and getting down to the level of the local, the intimate, the granular, the home.

Explore More in Books

Want to know about the best books to read and the latest news start here..

An assault led to Chanel Miller’s best seller, “Know My Name,” but she had wanted to write children’s books since the second grade. She’s done that now  with “Magnolia Wu Unfolds It All.”

When Reese Witherspoon is making selections for her book club , she wants books by women, with women at the center of the action who save themselves.

The Nobel Prize-winning author Alice Munro, who died on May 14 , specialized in exacting short stories that were novelistic in scope , spanning decades with intimacy and precision.

“The Light Eaters,” a new book by Zoë Schlanger, looks at how plants sense the world  and the agency they have in their own lives.

Each week, top authors and critics join the Book Review’s podcast to talk about the latest news in the literary world. Listen here .

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With age and sobriety, Michael McDonald is ready to get personal

Tonya Mosley

Michael McDonald, 72, describes his voice as a "malleable" instrument: "Especially with age, it's like you're constantly renegotiating with it." Timothy White/Sacks & Co. hide caption

Michael McDonald, 72, describes his voice as a "malleable" instrument: "Especially with age, it's like you're constantly renegotiating with it."

Even Grammy Award-winning singer/songwriter Michael McDonald says he feels like an imposter sometimes.

"I don't mean to be self-deprecating when I say this, but I never really understood why people gave me so much credit as a musician," McDonald says. "I really am just, more or less, a songwriter who plays a little bit of piano."

It's an understatement. McDonald's singular sound that has captivated audiences for generations and has given life to remixes, remakes and thousands of impressions from Tonight Show skits to The Voice .

His new memoir, What A Fool Believes , which he co-wrote with comedian Paul Reiser , chronicles McDonald's childhood in Ferguson, MO., his early years as a session musician and his decades-long career as a member of Steely Dan and The Doobie Brothers and as a solo artist.

Michael McDonald: Tiny Desk (Home) Concert

Throughout his career, McDonald was known for crossover hits. His 1982 single, " I Keep Forgettin' ," cracked the top 10 of Billboard's Pop, R&B and Adult Contemporary charts, and was later sampled by hip-hop artists Warren G and Nate Dogg in their 1994 hit, " Regulate ."

McDonald says that earlier in his career, he tended to avoid writing about himself directly in songs. But looking back now, he's noticed a shift in his music, which he attributes, in part, to becoming sober in the mid 1980s.

"More than anything, I think what people who suffer from addiction share universally is that we're kind of hiding from ourselves. We're kind of hiding from our feelings," he says. "I've learned in sobriety to slowly peel back different layers."

Interview highlights

On his first band, Mike and the Majestics

It was Mike and the Majestics, and I soon got demoted, and it was just the Majestics. We started when we were all around 12. I think our first gigs happened more like when I was 13. And the other guys were a year and two older than me.

Back then, we were playing basement parties, birthday parties for girls we knew in the eighth grade. And then we graduated to fraternity parties, at a very tender age, which my mother was not happy about. And so she enlisted my father to come on as our manager — not before we were exposed to some of the rites of passage that we were probably too young to witness. ... We thought we'd died and gone to heaven. Because the girls were all really cute, and the frat guys were out of their minds and they would pass the hat. ... But then we had a curfew because we were all like 12 and 13 years old. And in the course of all this, we learned all the filthy lyrics to "Louie Louie" and songs like that were college staples.

On writing the Doobie Brothers' song, "Takin' It To The Streets," which was inspired by gospel

The intro of the song just kind of popped in my head, and I couldn't wait to get to the gig and set my piano up and pick the chords out on the piano. ... It just felt like an opening to a gospel song and I loved gospel music at the time. ... What better motif for that very idea of people falling through the cracks of our society and ... and how do we do better by each other than a gospel song. ... It took me a minute to come up with "Takin' to the Streets" because that came from the idea that ... we've got to do better by each other or this is what it's going to come to. It's going to be settled one way or the other. These kinds of progressive ideas and reforms don't come easily, and they come by necessity. ... We're going to meet on the same plane one way or the other, maybe we can do it out of love for each other and consideration and empathy before we have to do it out of frustration.

On the realization that white artists were covering Black musicians' songs and being praised for it

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Though it may seem like it, michael mcdonald can't predict the future.

I think that was pretty much the experience of a lot of people in my generation growing up. White kids who thought that Pat Boone wrote, "Tutti Frutti." We didn't know any better, you know, because radio was so segregated, as was everything, in the United States at the time. It was a sad division in what really was such a strong part of our culture, you know, but it was always kind of isolated away from and giving credit to the people who really brought those art forms to America and, really gave America its own true artistic art form: Jazz and R&B music and gospel. ...

For instance, the English invasion bands, we thought that they wrote those songs like, "It's All Over Now" by The Rolling Stones was Bobby Womack and his brothers and had a group called The Valentinos, and that song was a No. 1 hit on Black radio when the Stones released it. ... I never cease to be surprised by the roots of some music that I thought was more of a pop record, but that really has its roots in the blues tradition and was written by American artists who didn't really enjoy the success of the song that other artists did.

On being big in the Black community

Whenever that was brought to my attention, by friends of mine who liked our music, I was really flattered by that. And I continue to be flattered because, to me, that's really the test of anything I ever really desired to do was to represent, in my own way, what I truly believe is American music. To have that privilege of being able to do that and have it accepted by the audience who I believe created it, who invented it and brought it to all of us.

On how his voice has aged

The voice is a malleable instrument, at best, and especially with age, it's like you're constantly renegotiating with it. I find that at my age now, I'm just trying to figure out what my strengths are and what I can use to put the song across. I wish in some ways I could sing with the range or the sense of pitch or whatever it is I had when I was younger. But unfortunately, those things change over the years. ...

I've been less reluctant to lower keys and stuff, and especially if it brings a better performance out of me, but I found that a lot of things have changed. ... I have to kind of learn what still works for me when I'm singing, because I don't want to be trying to sound like I used to sound and have that be obvious. I want to just be able to do what I do best now.

Sam Briger and Susan Nyakundi produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Meghan Sullivan adapted it for the web.

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Soulful singer Michael McDonald looks back in his new memoir, ‘What a Fool Believes’

FILE - Michael McDonald, of the Doobie Brothers, poses for a portrait at Show Biz Studios in Los Angeles on Aug. 17, 2021. McDonald has a new memoir titled, “What a Fool Believes.” (AP Photo/Chris Pizzello, File)

This cover image released by Dey Street shows “What a Fool Believes” by Michael McDonald with Paul Reiser. (Dey Street via AP)

FILE - Tom Johnston, from left, Michael McDonald, John McFee and Pat Simmons of the Doobie Brothers appear with the ASCAP Voice of Music Award at the 32nd Annual ASCAP Pop Music Awards in Los Angeles on April 29, 2015. McDonald has a new memoir titled “What a Fool Believes.” (Photo by Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP, File)

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NEW YORK (AP) — Something stopped Michael McDonald from telling his story publicly — him. The Rock & Roll Hall of Famer with multiple Grammys just didn’t think he had one.

McDonald, a member of both Steely Dan and The Doobie Brothers who became a singular soul solo artist with such hits as “On My Own″ and “Sweet Freedom,” believed he was just a small player in the history of rock.

“I was afraid that, ‘Well, how much of a story is here, really?’ My experience is pretty much me living vicariously through other people’s accomplishments,” McDonald said in an interview.

Prodded by a friend — actor and comedian Paul Reiser — McDonald is finally owning his story this spring in the unvarnished and humble memoir “What a Fool Believes,” out May 21.

It’s the portrait of a remarkable singer-songwriter who had career highs and terrible lows, who battled alcoholism and self-doubt, endured popularity, mocking and then rejuvenation.

“I think we both discovered that this is really just a story about how random life really is — no matter how much we think we have a plan, and no matter how much we think we have a direction we want to go,” he said. “What we really have to do is be ready to let life change on a dime and go with the flow.”

Reiser said in a separate interview that the book grew from conversations the two had, mainly him asking lots of questions about McDonald’s life. “It’s entirely selfish. I just wanted to read it,” Reiser said.

“Everybody’s in awe of his voice. Everybody loves the music he’s done. But I don’t think anybody knows anything about him,” he added. “He just sort of floats on this frequency that doesn’t get a lot of attention.”

The book opens in 1971 with the author hungover in county jail. A 19-year-old McDonald has been arrested after falling asleep in a pancake house following a 48-hour cocaine- and Jack Daniels-binge. It is a foreshadowing.

It then goes chronologically, tracing the path McDonald took from humble roots in St. Louis, Missouri, to touring around the world with two classic rock outfits despite a “propensity for making poor choices.”

McDonald went from his first band at 12 playing picnics and civic events with a homemade guitar, to the local pro band Jerry Jay and the Sheratons and then the touring The Delrays. At 18, RCA Records gave him $3,000 and flew him to Los Angeles, but his debut album was scrapped and he was dropped from the label. “My quickly rising star came crashing down to earth,” he writes.

Tom Johnston, from left, Michael McDonald, John McFee and Pat Simmons of the Doobie Brothers on April 29, 2015. (Photo by Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP, File)

He would return to California a few months later — by car this time — with a more secure offer of session work. “I was determined not to return to St Louis until I had something to show for my efforts,” he writes.

His career took an upswing when he was asked to sing backing vocals and play keys for Steely Dan. His distinctive, soulful voice graced memorable tracks on classic Steely Dan albums, including “Katy Lied,” “The Royal Scam,” “Aja” and “Gaucho.” (That’s him singing background on “Peg.”)

When Steely Dan stopped touring, McDonald jumped to another ‘70s icon, The Doobie Brothers. In 1975 — on the eve of the release of their fifth album — their original lead singer, Tom Johnston, was hospitalized and unable to tour. The band drafted McDonald into the line-up to replace him, giving him 48- hours to learn their entire set.

McDonald was asked to join the Doobies permanently — $1,500 a week plus a $100 per diem — and would become somewhat divisive for changing their direction from country rock and blues boogie to a smoother, more soulful sound.

“There was an undeniable atmosphere of internal strife building within our ranks. And I will be the first to claim my share of the blame in that department,” McDonald writes.

McDonald isn’t shy about showing life’s ugly parts — from having crabs as a young man to acid reflux as an older one. He admits to showing up drunk to a rehab support group two days in a row and once could be found in a bathrobe, a joint in his mouth and a salad bowl full of Lucky Charms on his chest.

“If you’re going to tell a story, tell the whole story,” he says in the interview. “We all get where we’re going in spite of ourselves, you know? And I think that’s what the story is kind of about.”

Musicians who read the book will get lessons in touring etiquette and songwriting, including hyper-specific details like chromatically descending II-V passing chord progressions.

Fans will also get stories about playing basketball with James Taylor and some good advice about opening for Cher: “Generally speaking, when you see some guy all made up in a Cher wig and gown standing on a chair giving you the finger, it’s time to go.”

McDonald poses for a portrait in Los Angeles on Aug. 17, 2021. (AP Photo/Chris Pizzello, File)

In addition to his solo albums, McDonald sang on songs by Elton John, Luther Vandross, Kenny Loggins and Christopher Cross (That’s McDonald singing “Such a long way to go” on Cross’ “Ride Like the Wind.”) He earned a Grammy nod for “Sweet Freedom” from the movie “Running Scared” and teamed up with James Ingram on “Yah Mo B There” and Patti LaBelle on “On My Own.”

Eventually, McDonald became a butt of jokes for his propensity to show up on other artists’ tracks. “No one wanted to hear another Michael McDonald background vocal — I had dipped into that well perhaps once too often, somewhere between 50 and a thousand times,” he writes.

Redemption occurred in the 2000s when McDonald began issuing well-received albums of Motown covers. He recorded with Solange Knowles and Grizzly Bear and showed up at the Coachella festival in 2017 with the jazz-funk bassist Thundercat.

McDonald, 72, says that writing the book gave him the chance to look back and let go of resentments to people he long perceived as standing in his way. “I probably owe those people more than I have a reason to hold a grudge,” he says.

Mark Kennedy is at http://twitter.com/KennedyTwits