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What is a Victim Impact Statement?

A Victim Impact Statement is a written or oral statement presented to the court at the sentencing of the defendant.  Many times victims, their family members, and friends of the victim participate in both written and verbal statements.  More often than not, numerous individuals write letters to the sentencing judge and only a few of those directly connected to the crime speak at sentencing.  Victim Impact Statements were created as an opportunity for the judge to hear how a criminal action has affected you and those that you love.  Victim Impact Statements are not limited to the courts.  Many times, probation or paroling agencies allow for an opportunity to present a statement as well.

How to Write a Victim Impact Statement?

As you are preparing your impact statement, you may find that using the following questions can guide you.  Remember that writing about your feelings may be very painful, so be sure to pace yourself and don’t feel that you need to have it “perfect”.  Be gentle with yourself and take as many breaks as you need.  As you are preparing your statement, you may find that the following questions can guide you:

• How did the crime affect you and your family?
• What was the emotional impact of the crime on you and your family?
• What was the financial impact on you and your family?
• Do you have any recommendations to the court about disposition (sentencing) of this case?
• Is there anything else you would like to tell the court?

The above guidelines do not cover the totality of the impact of crime, but may be used as a starting point.  Victim Impact statements are unique to you and people have various ways of expressing how crime has affected them.  Even though guidelines are typically given to you before sentencing, and there is much flexibility in how you present your statement, there are things you will need to take into consideration.

• Write simply and descriptively.  Your goal is to help the court feel your trauma. While nobody can truly understand what you are feeling, you can help others identify with your trauma by using feeling evoking words and phrases.  Using descriptive words can help people form an image of what you are saying.

Every morning when I wake up, I have to remind myself that my attacker won’t be able to hurt me today. If I don’t tell myself that I simply can’t get out of bed.  Since I was assaulted I have lost the full function of my right leg. I still have to go to the doctor for physical therapy and they fear that I still won’t be able to walk the same. I used to love to run, until my attacker took that away from me.  It hurts emotionally and physically to even make it to work in the morning. When I drive past the place that this all happened I try not to shake in fear.  I can’t sleep most nights without nightmares of my attacker. I so desperately want my life back. The life I had before he took my life away.

• Do address the judge, or paroling authority, when you speak.  You may want to talk directly to the offender.  If this is something you want to do, ask permission from the judge first.  You can still say what you need regarding the offender through the judge.
• Do ask permission if a picture is part of your statement.  More often than not this is allowed, but any visual aids you utilize will need permission from the court first.
• Do write out your statement in advance.  Presenting a statement is emotional.  You may think you know what you want to say but when the time comes, your emotions could take over and your train of thought is lost.  If this occurs, you can read directly from your statement.
• Do have an alternate person that can read your statement in case you cannot finish.
• Don’t directly express your anger toward the court or the offender.  Your goal is to express your hurt and your pain, not to blame.  The blame has already been placed on the offender, so now is the time to talk about what you have been experiencing through your loss.
• Don’t use unsuitable language, as it will diminish the effectiveness of your statement.
• Don’t describe what you want to happen to the offender in prison.  Please do not get descriptive about any harm you would like to see imposed.
• Don’t put personal, identifying information in your letter and do not say it verbally in court.  This includes your physical address, mailing address, email address and phone number.  The offender will be provided copies of all letters submitted.  If you state this out loud in court, it will be another opportunity for the offender to contact you in the future.

What Happens to my Victim Impact Statement?  Do I Have to Read it in Court?

Preparing and presenting an impact statement in court, or in front of a paroling or probation agency, can be intimidating.  If you do not think you can physically stand in front of the offender and read your statement, have an alternate in mind beforehand.  It does not matter who presents your statement as long as you have identified this person in advance.  Many times, victim advocates are asked to present impact statements.  It does not have to be a victim advocate, and should be someone you feel comfortable expressing your words. If you submit a letter, this will become part of the court file, the prosecutor’s file and defense file.  Victim Impact Statements can also be included in the offender’s Department of Corrections file.  It could be subject to public disclosure.  This is why it is essential to not include contact information in your statements, written or verbally.

Why Write a Victim Impact Statement?

It is not mandatory you write an impact statement.  This is a right you have but not one you have to participate in.  Many choose not to participate.  There are several reasons why Victim Impact Statements are beneficial.  The reasons stated below are just a few.

• The judge gets to hear your side of the story.  This is usually the first time this occurs.  Throughout the criminal justice process, the focus is on the offender.  Hearing from those that are affected by the crime puts a face with an often forgotten victim.
• You have a chance to tell the judge how you want sentencing to occur.  More often than not, cases conclude by a plea offer.  Many times the prosecutor and defense have agreed to a recommended amount of time.  The judge is not bound by that agreement.  You can make a difference in the amount of time an offender receives by speaking up.  This is true in cases that go to trial as well.
• You have the opportunity to address the court, and the offender by way of the court, about how the crime has affected you.  Many find this helpful in the journey of victimization.  Letting those know how they harmed you can be beneficial for emotional well-being.
• The impact statement becomes part of the offender’s permanent file.  It is a reminder of the harm they caused you.

***Please note, if you are not able to download the VIS samples below, please try a different web browser and/or clear your web history/cache. Thank you.

VIS Assault Example

VIS Vehicular Assault Example

VIS Assault Example - Spanish

VIS Vehicular Assault Example - Spanish

VIS Attempted Homicide Example

If you have any questions or would like help with a Victim Impact Statement please  contact us .

I Used to Judge Women in Abusive Relationships — Until I Became One

When your self esteem is chipped away and you're terrified of being alone, you may not even realize it's abuse.

He threw the car into park, and turned to face me with a look of pure rage. His fist connected with the left side of my jaw, the right side of my head hit the passenger-side window, and I heard a loud crack .

He wasn't finished, though. He grabbed my hair and pinched my arm, bruising it instantly, and then he reached over and squeezed my throat. I somehow croaked out, "You loved me once!" and he let go, disgust on his face. It was after midnight, and I got out of the car, numb and overwhelmingly ashamed, and walked a mile back to my friend's house as he squealed the tires and raced away from me.

Two days later, I drove myself to an urgent care facility when I couldn't move my neck.

"How did you sustain the injury?" the young doctor asked me.

"I was at a Super Bowl party and playing on the floor with some kids, and one of them jumped on my neck," I lied. It was the first of many lies I would tell about my relationship. The thought of telling the truth was humiliating. Plus, I thought, It's my fault anyway .

The doctor glanced at the fading finger imprints around my throat and the angry green and black bruises on my arm. I could feel his gaze on me as he wrote a prescription for a painkiller and muscle relaxers.

"You have a severe sprain," he told me. "You're lucky you didn't break it."

Later that week, I was in a golf cart with a colleague at a client event, wearing a short-sleeved shirt with a collar. I reached over to grab a water bottle, and the bruises on my upper arm were exposed.

My colleague took my hand and looked me in the eye. "Please don't tell me it's like that, Kristin," he said quietly. I looked away.

A Slippery Slope

It didn't start like this when I met my live-in boyfriend six years earlier. At first, he was loving and sweet and attentive. I was already in love with him by the first time he called me a worthless piece of s*** in an alcohol-infused fury; I was in shock. I thought about leaving him that night, but I was frozen with indecision. I loved him, after all. And my mind had started to believe what he said about me.

The next morning, he was sober again and rushed to apologize, holding me in his arms while I cried. The cycle began.

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The first time he kicked me, I was walking down the stairs to our apartment, and he told me it was my fault. I "pushed his buttons" and made him do it. Soon, I started taking all the blame for his rages, walking on eggshells every moment we were together.

Over the course of several years, I had learned to see myself through his eyes: unattractive, unlovable, and stupid. I believed him when he told me that he was the best I would ever find and that I was not sexy or desirable. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that he was talking about himself — not about me.

I thought I knew all about abusive relationships before I found myself in the middle of one. I thought I was too smart to get involved with someone who would hurt me physically and mentally. I thought I knew what to look for and that it would be so obvious that I needed to walk away. I thought I didn't fit into the "stereotypical" mold of what a domestic violence survivor looks like. I'm sure that once upon a time, I looked down on women who were in abusive relationships and found them weak.

Breaking the Silence

In the end, I didn't walk away from him. And I didn't tell my closest friends and family for years about what happened — most of them not until after he left me to move in with another woman four years into our marriage. Now, I tell my story without (most of) the shame; I believe it's important to share it to show others that someone can come through this and survive. And perhaps thrive. Maybe it will help someone you know. Maybe it will help you . I tell the story to help my nieces, my friends, my colleagues, myself.

People are often baffled by how beautiful, intelligent women fall in love with (and even marry) abusers. The truth is that it happens very gradually. It begins with a sarcastic putdown, and is followed up quickly by an apology. It may escalate to a kick or a slap, with more apologies and promises that it will never happen again. By the time I realized that I was in a bad relationship, I had invested so much of myself and my self-esteem had been chipped away so drastically, I was terrified to be alone.

You may know someone who has been abused, and you can't understand why she doesn't leave. She may be afraid that no one else will love her. Perhaps she has kids and doesn't know how to provide for them on her own. He may have threatened to kill her. She may be so ashamed that no one knows the extent of the abuse and suffers in silence. He may be someone powerful or well-liked in the community, and she is afraid no one would believe her.

This post is part of a Good Housekeeping series of stories about domestic violence and abuse . If you or someone you know is at risk, reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 . If you are in danger, call 911. More information and resources are available at the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence or the National Online Resource Center for Violence Against Women .

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How to Document Domestic Abuse

Your records of domestic violence could be used evidence in court.

• By Hannah Craig
• Apr 05, 2023

This article was originally published in 2015. It was updated in 2023. 

Keeping a record of domestic violence–both physical and non-physical–might feel like the last thing you’d want to do. It’s hard to remember or re-experience the trauma of domestic abuse, but documentation of abuse can serve as a crucial tool if you decide to file criminal or civil charges, get divorced or to secure custody of your children.

According to WomensLaw.org , each state has its own laws about what evidence is permissible in court. It’s best to talk to an attorney or legal advocate prior to your court hearing to learn more about your state’s laws. If you need to find a domestic abuse attorney, check out our information on Legal Help for Domestic Violence Issues . You may even be able to find free or low-cost legal aid.

Why is it Important to Document Abuse? 

“Many survivors of domestic violence face disbelieving judges who are quick to accept the abuser’s efforts to explain away the violent incidents or behavior. Some abusers even claim that the violence did not happen at all and that the survivor is making up allegations to try to get an advantage in court, says WomensLaw.org says. “Others will claim that the victim is actually the abusive partner and that any injuries to the victim were from self-defense. It is important to anticipate these tactics and have evidence ready that you can show the judge to prove your version of the events and to get the judge to rule in your favor.”

Documentation works as evidence to fight against claims the abuser may make about their abusive actions or you. Documentation corroborates your version of events, which makes it potentially easier to prove your case. This can help you achieve divorce, keep custody of your children, see the abuser go to prison or even secure financial compensation .

Staying Safe Documenting Abuse

Recording abusive incidents can be incredibly helpful in court, but it could also put you at risk of harm if the abuser discovers you’re recording. The abuser could also access the recording to destroy it. Narrah Patton, a domestic violence advocate with Safe Austin , suggests that survivors call a trusted friend or family member when an incident is escalating. “That person may record and store it on their own phone, to which the abuser does not have access,” she noted.

It’s also crucial to understand the consent laws where you’re located and where any recording takes place. Sheri Kurdakul , Founder and CEO of VictimsVoice, cautions, “Many states are ‘all-party consent states,’ which makes it illegal to record (audio or video) without expressed consent from all parties being recorded. A few states make it a felony to record and distributing/sharing or receiving the recording is also a felony.”

Similarly, any other documentation of abuse should be kept in a safe place where the abuser can’t find it. Keeping it at home or even in your car provides easy access to abusers, who often keep close tabs on your personal belongings as well as comings-and-goings. 

Giugi Carminati, JD, attorney, activist and author of the blog Argue Like a Girl , told us she recommends victims send documentation to their attorney. “I ask my clients to send me the evidence, right away, as they get it. They can also drop off at my office. What most matters is to get it out from where the abuser may be able to get access to it,” she said.

If you don’t have a lawyer, see if a trusted friend, family member, coworker or domestic violence advocate can store the documentation safely for you. Find a domestic violence advocate near you with our Get Help tool . You could also store your documentation at work or in a safe deposit box.

Consider that the abuser may have installed spyware on your devices–like your phone, laptop or tablet. Spyware is hidden software that allows a bad actor to do things like track your location, see what you’re emailing or access your files. Learn how to spot spyware on your phone . Keep in mind that in some states, spyware constitutes stalking, so finding spyware on your devices can itself act as evidence.

Other ways to keep you safer and your devices more secure when documenting abuse include:

• Lock your home screens.
• Don’t use a password the abuser can easily guess or already knows, like a pet’s name or birthday. Aura , creator of intelligent safety programs, shares that the most secure passwords aren’t just a word but “passphrases” made of multiple words. Also use multiple digits, a mix of upper and lower case letters and special characters such as @, # and %.
• Change your passwords every one to two weeks across all of your devices and email.
• Don’t use email programs that pop up automatically on your computer screen and turn off push notifications for email on your phone or tablet.

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The most important thing to remember is your own safety. If your gut tells you it isn’t safe to document abuse or you can’t find a secure way to store your documentation away from the abuser, hold off on documenting for now. 

What Abuse Should I Document?

Physical abuse isn’t the only type of abuse to document–be sure to include incidents of verbal abuse, stalking, financial abuse, reproductive abuse or coercion, spiritual abuse and sexual abuse or assault.

In short, it’s better to have more documentation than less documentation. The more abuse you can record, the more potential evidence you have to prove your case to police and in civil, family or criminal court, depending on what legal methods you choose or need to pursue. A lawyer can help you go through your documentation.

Here are some suggestions of what you should document when it comes to experiencing domestic violence.

Verbal Accounts of Abuse

If there were witnesses to the abuse, ask them to write or record their recollections. If you feel like you can trust the witness not to speak to the person abusing you, ask the witness if they would testify on your behalf in court. However, if you don’t feel like you can trust the witness, and you’re not safely separated from the abuser, you have the option of subpoenaing a witness, which will legally obligate them to appear in court. Learn more from WomensLaw.org about how to subpoena a witness .

Heather Debreceni , a former deputy sheriff turned professional divorce coach who is also a survivor of domestic violence, told DomesticShelters.org that a victim can also reach out to a therapist that specializes in domestic abuse . “They will help you, as a third party perspective, to tell your story. Even if you can get an advocate from a domestic violence shelter, or go to group counseling—see if they’ll testify on your behalf.”

It’s important to note that the most useful witnesses are those who have seen the abuse firsthand. These are called “bystander witnesses.” Witnesses you’ve talked to about abuse who aren’t experts may potentially be considered “hearsay witnesses.” A lawyer can help you figure out who should testify on your behalf, if you aren’t sure.

Medical Reports of Injuries From Abuse

Ask your doctor about safe ways medical staff can make notes about any abuse you’re experiencing, advises The National Domestic Violence Hotline . For example, some doctors or nurses can write “cause of injury” on your medical records without the report having to go to the police. 

American Medical Association’s Code of Medical Ethics outlines various ways in which medical professionals can help victims of domestic violence. One of the ways is “Discuss any suspicion of abuse sensitively with the patient, whether or not reporting is legally mandated, and direct the patient to appropriate community resources.” It’s important to understand who and what a mandated reporter is . This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t speak to someone who is a mandatory reporter–it just means you need to know if disclosing that you’re being abused will create the need for a mandatory police report and how that might impact your safety. Who is a mandated reporter and what needs to be reported varies from state to state, but your medical team will be able to answer your questions. You can check who is a mandated domestic violence reporter with MandatedReporter.com’s state search .

Photos of Evidence of Abuse

Photographic evidence carries a lot of weight. It’s visual proof of what you’ve experienced and in this case, the saying “a picture is worth a thousand words” can be very accurate. Make sure to note the date when the photo was taken and cross-reference the photo with any other evidence like your written account or witness statements.

Here are some important things to photograph to document what the abuser has done:

• Any injuries you’ve sustained from abuse like bruises or blackeyes
• Weapons used by the abuser to threaten or harm you
• Objects damaged or broken by the abuser during abuse incidents
• Your home in disarray due to episodes of violence

Police Reports

Obviously, not all incidents of domestic violence are reported to the police, but when they are, they can be used as further evidence of abuse. If you or any witnesses called the police, and they responded, a police report should have been generated.

Not all police reports are available to the general public, since releasing information could jeopardize ongoing investigations or the safety of parties involved. However, what is and isn’t available varies by jurisdiction. To get a copy of a police report, you’ll first need to know what jurisdiction the incident took place in–writing down the responding officers’ information at the time of the incident can help you here.

Next, check that jurisdiction’s website for their protocol for requesting and receiving any records you can access. If you can’t find anything on the police department’s website, try looking on the city or county website. You can also call your local police department’s non-emergency number and ask about how to file or receive a police report. If you’re not comfortable disclosing abuse to the police, you can frame your questions hypothetically, using something like a stolen car as an example.

Diary, Journal or Log of Abuse

Keeping some kind of journal or log of every incident of abuse is a lot of work, but it can be a powerful wealth of evidence when brought to court. The information you’ll want to document includes:

• Date of incident
• Time of incident
• Location of incident
• Approximate length of the incident
• Name of abuser
• What the abuser did
• What the abuser said
• How you felt as a result (scared, unsafe, threatened, traumatized, hurt, etc)
• Police officer information if the police were involved
• Note supporting evidence like your pictures, medical records or a police case number

Keep your documentation to relevant information only. It’s good to remember that anything you document can be used as evidence in court, which also makes it available to the abuser.

It’s okay if you don’t remember everything exactly. Many victims and survivors of domestic violence have a hard time remembering details; trauma often affects the memory . Physical violence from strangulation and traumatic brain injury as well as mental health issues stemming from abuse like PTSD or depression can all affect the memory, too. Record as much as you can remember–if you can’t remember an exact date, try to remember what time of year the incident happened or if it was around a holiday or other event.  

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Digital Evidence of Abuse

Abuse doesn’t just happen in person, especially in today’s digitally connected world. Phone calls, emails, text messages, chats and social media posts can all be used by abusers to exert control and instill fear into victims. It’s useful to document any abuse that happens digitally along with the rest of your documentation. 

Take screenshots and/or print out abusive messages sent through email, text or social media. Let harassing or threatening calls go to voicemail, then save that voicemail securely. If the abuser is calling you repeatedly, take screenshots of those 30 missed calls in a row. 

Certain digital footprints can be changed or deleted rapidly, like social media posts or Snapchats. Do your best to collect evidence through saving texts or taking screenshots when abuse occurs. Note that some texting programs now include a feature to unsend or edit text messages (such as Apple texting, where this feature was introduced in an iOS 16 update ). Also note that some programs, like Snapchat, may notify the sender when screenshots are taken, so either be aware if a notification will be sent or try taking a picture of your screen with another camera device instead of a screenshot. Learn more about gathering digital evidence with How to Gather Technology Abuse Evidence for Court from the National Network to End Domestic Violence .

Learn about more specific evidence of abuse you can document .

Tools To Help Document Abuse

There are many digital tools available to help you document domestic violence. 

VictimsVoice VictimsVoice is a progressive web application , which means you don’t have to download an app to use it, avoiding a digital footprint. VictimsVoice helps you to document abuse and even walks you through what to record with prompts for information like the date, time, location and injuries. It’s a a legally admissible documentation tool in all 50 U.S. states, and can also help navigate tribal jurisdiction and legal compliance in tribal courts There’s an annual cost to access the app, but if you can’t afford it you can reach out to their partner organizations to get a free access license .

eBodyguard An app designed to act as an emergency response system , eBodyguard helps 911 pinpoint your location and gather information to help first responders like police and EMTs get to you faster. When activated, eBodyguard also begins recording audio of the scene, which can later be used as evidence in a criminal investigation. The eBodycam feature is a paid option that allows video to be captured automatically. 

Bright Sky Created by the Women’s Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh and Vodafone Americas Foundation, this app helps you identify risk factors and assess your safety in a relationship, find help if you need it and securely journal incidents of abuse.

TapeACall This app allows you to record incoming and outgoing calls as well as calls you’re already on. Audio recordings of threatening, harassing or abusive phone calls can serve as evidence, but sometimes recording conversations can be difficult without an app. TapeACall also syncs with cloud services, so you can save your recorded documentation in a protected space and not on your phone.

Learn more about recording phone calls to prove abuse and crucial information you should know about wiretapping laws before you begin recording.

Note: TapeACall does , by default, include “beep tones that signal when a call is being recorded,” according to TapeACall’s support. “[The tones] can be disabled if it doesn't conflict with the laws of the country/state.” TapeACall also advises, “Many mobile carriers may inform parties about conference calls/recording.” 

Cloud Services If you aren’t able to safely store documentation on a device like your phone or laptop, consider uploading evidence to the cloud. There are a lot of cloud storage options available and many come with a large amount of free storage. Check out:

• Google Drive
• Amazon Prime Cloud

Make sure to remember to remove any documentation from your device after you upload it to a secure location.

See more useful apps for domestic violence victims and survivors .

Documentation of Abuse Builds Your Case

Safely and thoroughly documenting the abuse you’re experiencing is hard. It also comes with its own risks. 

However, the impact of documentation shouldn’t be underestimated. Many judges are doubtful of domestic violence survivors and the very nature of abuse can make recalling or discussing the trauma challenging. But documentation helps you build your case with provable facts–especially important when abusers often bend or manipulate truth, facts and reality to make themselves come out on top. 

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https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/legal/document-domestic-abuse

Related topics for you

Documenting Domestic Violence Evidence

When You Can't Collect Evidence

Collecting Evidence of Abuse Without Danger

Ways Survivors Can Collect Evidence of Abuse

How to Prove Nonphysical Abuse in Court

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Examples of Abusive Behavior

What It Looks Like and Where to Get Help

• Types of Abuse

Signs of Abuse

Traits of an abuser, power and control wheel.

• Helping Someone Else

Examples of abuse extend beyond physical abuse or intimate partner violence . Abusers use many mental or emotional tactics, too, to assert their power and control and to keep a partner in the relationship. These can range from manipulative gaslighting attacks on confidence to threats made against a target's children or pets (sometimes even online).

There are patterns of behaviors in an abusive relationship, just as there are common traits in abusers (like extreme jealousy and controlling behavior ). Learning to identify domestic abuse, including quieter and less obvious patterns like neglect, is the first step in breaking the cycle.

This article presents examples of abuse in which people become physical or sexual abuse targets, as well as examples of emotional and verbal use. It lists resources and tips to help people experiencing domestic abuse.

Illustration by Tara Anand for Verywell Health

Types of Abusive Behavior

In domestic or dating relationships, there are many behaviors that are used by an abuser to gain and maintain power and control over their partner. While all relationships are different, understanding the various ways that abuse manifests can help you identify signs of abuse and prepare you to respond to situations safely.

You may be experiencing abuse if your partner has or repeatedly does any of the following behaviors:

Physical Abuse

Someone is committing physical abuse when they:

• Pull your hair or punch, slap, kick, bite, choke, or smother you
• Forbid or prevent you from eating or sleeping
• Use weapons against you, including firearms, knives, bats, or mace
• Prevent you from contacting emergency services, including medical attention or law enforcement
• Harm your children or pets
• Drive recklessly or dangerously with you in the car or abandon you in unfamiliar places
• Force you to use drugs or alcohol, especially if you have a history of substance use issues
• Trap you in your home or prevent you from leaving
• Throw objects at you
• Prevent you from taking prescribed medication or deny you necessary medical treatment

Do You Need Help Now?

If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1. If you are not in immediate danger, but you are experiencing abuse or concerned about a loved one, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

• Call: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
• Text : "START" to 88788
• Chat : www.thehotline.org

The hotline is a service that provides safe care, support, and resources to help you through options for your unique situation.

Emotional Abuse

Signs of emotional abuse include:

• Calling you names, insulting you, or constantly criticizing you
• Acting jealous or possessive, or refusing to trust you
• Isolating you from family, friends, or other people in your life
• Monitoring your activities with or without your knowledge, including demanding to know where you go, whom you contact, and how you spend your time
• Attempting to control what you wear, including clothes, makeup, or hairstyles
• Humiliating you in any way, especially in front of others
• Gaslighting you by pretending not to understand or refusing to listen to you; questioning your recollection of facts, events, or sources; making your needs or feelings seem unimportant; or denying previous statements or promises
• Threatening you, your children, your family, or your pets
• Damaging your belongings, including throwing objects, punching walls, and kicking doors
• Blaming you for their abusive behaviors
• Accusing you of cheating, or cheating themselves and blaming you for their actions
• Cheating on you to intentionally hurt you and threatening to cheat again to suggest that they’re “better” than you
• Telling you that you’re lucky to be with them or that you’ll never find someone better

Sexual Abuse

Someone is committing sexual abuse when they:

• Force you to dress in a sexual way you’re uncomfortable with
• Insult you in sexual ways or call you explicit names
• Force or manipulate you into having sex or performing sexual acts, especially when you’re sick, tired, or physically injured from their abuse
• Choke you or restrain you during sex without your consent
• Hold you down during sex without your consent
• Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex
• Involve other people in your sexual activities against your will
• Ignore your feelings regarding sex
• Force you to watch or make pornography
• Intentionally give you or attempt to give you a sexually transmitted infection (STI)

Signs of abuse are different in all relationships. However, there are shared traits such as isolation from family and friends. If you observe a loved one become withdrawn from gatherings and relationships, or limit how they talk about their home life, it may be due to intimate partner violence.

Other signs that someone is the target of abuse include:

• Changes in clothing or appearance that don't seem consistent with their style
• Loss of interest or quitting a job, school, fitness class, or other pursuits they cared about
• Missing money or valuable objects that suggest financial exploitation
• A lowered sense of self-esteem or accepting blame for abuse

When people are targeted by abuse, they may develop:

• Chronic stress , depression , and other signs of mental health distress
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Substance abuse

Some people also may develop health conditions associated with intimate partner violence, including sexually transmitted infections, digestive disorders, and chronic diseases.

Abuse, Social Media, and Online Networks

The same abusive patterns of controlling behavior, public humiliation and intimidation by sharing photos, and threatening speech as part of a post occur on social media and in social networks. A partner may demand to see your phone or limit what you post and read online. Abuse is just as serious when it occurs in social networks.

There is no one set of identities or personalities of an abuser. Abusers come from all different cultures, religions, economic backgrounds, and occupations. They can be any gender or sexuality. They could be your neighbor, your child's teacher, your coworker, your friend, or your spouse.

It's not always obvious or detectable when somebody is an abuser. However, abusers also have a set of common traits, including:

• Denying or minimizing the seriousness of violence on the victim and other family members
• Objectifying the victim and viewing them as their property or sexual object
• Appearing successful but, internally, they have low self-esteem and feel powerless and inadequate
• Putting the blame on others on circumstance. For example, they may blame a violent outburst on stress, their partner's behavior, having a bad day, drugs, alcohol, or other factors
• Not being constantly abusive. They go through periods in which they are loving and kind and often seem nice and charming to those outside the relationship.

Warning Signs of an Abuser

Some warning signs of abusers can include jealousy, possessiveness, unpredictability or mood swings, controlling behavior, threats, and sabotage of the victim's ability to make personal choices. An abuser often has rigid beliefs about gender roles.

Since the 1970s, the term " cycle of abuse " has been talked about in the courtroom, therapy sessions, and the media. This language is outdated and harmful to the victim because it implies that there are four predictable, repetitive patterns in the relationship (tension building, incident, reconciliation, calm).

The implication that abuse is a cycle is often used in courts to put the blame on the victims. However, intimate partner violence is not predictable, and victims are not able to know what and when to expect incidents of abuse.

Instead, the National Domestic Violence Hotline uses the Duluth Model of Power and Control developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs to more accurately describe an abusive relationship.

The outer ring of the diagram represents physical and sexual violence. The inner part of the diagram (the spokes of the wheel) describes the more subtle and systematic behaviors that the abuser uses. These continuous threats, intimidation, and coercion tactics instill fear , while physical and sexual violence holds the wheel together.

Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs

The diagram assumes she/her pronouns for the victim and he/him pronouns for the perpetrator, but abusive behavior can happen to people of any gender or sexual orientation.

Domestic Abuse Resources

The process of leaving an abusive relationship takes an immense amount of courage and careful planning, as well as taking precautions to avoid physical danger.

What Is a Safety Plan?

During moments of crisis, it can be difficult to think clearly and logically. A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan to improve your safety while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave an abusive situation, or after you leave.

It provides vital and specific information such as where you'll have an accessible phone, whom you'll contact, where you can go in or out of the home, reasons to leave the house, or how to safely leave the house. If children are involved, it can include what they should do during an incident. This plan helps prepare you for high-stress situations to protect yourself or others.

Resources are available if you or somebody you know needs support in helping to leave an abusive relationship. The following websites and hotlines may be able to help you manage a crisis, create a safety plan, and plan your future, including financial education resources and service referrals.

National Domestic Violence Hotline  800-799-7233 (SAFE) www.ndvh.org

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence 303-839-1852 www.ncadv.org

National Dating Abuse Helpline  866-331-9474 www.loveisrespect.org

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence  800-537-2238 www.nrcdv.org  and  www.vawnet.org

National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health 312-726-7020 ext. 2011 www.nationalcenterdvtraumamh.org

Futures Without Violence: The National Health Resource Center on Domestic Violence  888-792-2873 www.futureswithoutviolence.org

How to Help Someone Else

If you witness or become aware of abuse, it can be difficult to know how to react, or if and when to intervene. The National Domestic Violence Hotline suggests the following tips:

• Consider your own safety as well as the victim's. If you're in a public place, gather a group of people to intervene physically or verbally . If you believe there is immediate danger, you have the right to call the police.
• If an incident is happening in public or you overhear it happening, record the incident on your phone to give to authorities.
• Approach the person you suspect is experiencing abuse in a safe and private space. Ask them, "Are you okay?" and listen carefully and believe what they say. Tell them it is not their fault, and they deserve support. Do not blame them or tell them what to do in their situation.
• Direct them to a crisis hotline and continue to offer your support as somebody they can speak with safely or discuss their safety plan.
• Honor their autonomy. Only they can decide what is right for them, whether they choose to leave the relationship or press charges. You can offer your concern, but you do not have the right to make choices for them.
• If you work or volunteer in a profession that may serve people who experience intimate partner violence, consider additional training or ask about policies to better identify and help them.

All types of abuse are serious, and no one deserves to experience abuse for any reason.

Abuse occurs when an abuser uses physical, sexual, and/or emotional tactics to control their partner. There is no one set of identities or personalities of an abuser. They can be any gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, and age. Many abusers exhibit common traits that can help you identify them, such as jealousy, possessiveness, unpredictability, a bad temper or mood swings, and more.

The process of leaving an abusive relationship takes an immense amount of courage and careful planning. Many resources are available if you or somebody you know needs support in helping to leave an abusive relationship.

Washington State Department of Social and Health Services. Types and Signs of Abuse.

National Domestic Violence Hotline. Types of abuse .

Yun JY, Shim G, Jeong B.  Verbal Abuse Related to Self-Esteem Damage and Unjust Blame Harms Mental Health and Social Interaction in College Population.   Sci Rep.  2019 Apr 4;9(1):5655. doi:10.1038/s41598-019-42199-6

Hameed M, O'Doherty L, Gilchrist G, Tirado-Muñoz J, Taft A, Chondros P, et al . Psychological therapies for women who experience intimate partner violence . Cochrane Database Syst Rev . 2020 Jul 1;7(7):CD013017. doi: 10.1002/14651858.CD013017.pub2.

Di Candia D, Franceschetti L, Giordano G, Merelli VG, Attisano GL, Boracchi M, et al . Toxicological analysis in victims of sexual and domestic violence: A retrospective study of a 3-year period (2018-2020) . J Forensic Leg Med . 2023 Oct;99:102578. doi:10.1016/j.jflm.2023.102578.

Kalra N, Hooker L, Reisenhofer S, Di Tanna GL, García-Moreno C. Training healthcare providers to respond to intimate partner violence against women . Cochrane Database Syst Rev . 2021 May 31;5(5):CD012423. doi:10.1002/14651858.CD012423.pub2.

Ramírez-Carrasco D, Ferrer-Urbina R, Ponce-Correa F. Jealousy, sexism, and romantic love myths: the role of beliefs in online dating violence. Front Psychol . 2023 Sep 4;14:1212737. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1212737.

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Signs of abuse .

Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs. Understanding the power and control wheel.

• National Domestic Violence Hotline. What is a safety plan?

National Domestic Violence Hotline. Tips for intervening if you witness domestic violence.

By Rebecca Valdez, MS, RDN Valdez is a registered dietitian nutritionist, health writer, and nutrition consultant. She received her MS degree in nutrition from Columbia University.

Domestic Violence

Spousal Abuse, Intimate Partner Violence

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

Domestic violence occurs when a person consistently aims to control their partner through physical, sexual , or emotional abuse . The United States Department of Justice defines domestic violence as “a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain control over another intimate partner.”

• Understanding Domestic Violence
• Identifying an Abusive Partner
• How Abuse Impacts Victims
• Overcoming Domestic Violence

Domestic violence can be physical or psychological, and it can affect anyone of any age, gender , race, or sexual orientation . It may include behaviors meant to scare, physically harm, or control a partner. And while every relationship is different, domestic violence typically involves an unequal power dynamic in which one partner tries to assert control over the other in a variety of ways.

Insults, threats, emotional abuse , and sexual coercion all constitute domestic violence. Some perpetrators may use children, pets , or other family members as emotional leverage to get their victim to do what they want. Victims of domestic violence experience diminished self-worth, anxiety , depression , and a general sense of helplessness that can take time and often professional help to overcome.

A clinician who works with victims of domestic violence may be able to help an individual extract her or himself from the situation, as well as offer psychological support. Find a therapist who can help here.

Abusive relationships can take many different forms, such as physical abuse (hitting, pushing, or denying medical care), emotional abuse (manipulation, threats, or name-calling), sexual abuse (rape, assault, or pressuring the person to have sex), and economic abuse (withholding funds or putting someone in debt).

Abuse is driven by the desire for control—to maintain power in the relationship and assume a position of superiority. Violence also involves troubling cultural norms, particularly in cases of men sexually assaulting women . Whether the brain perceives the partner as part of the self or not may also play a role, research suggests.

There are a multitude of reasons why victims don’t report sexual abuse in general, and domestic violence only involves more complexity. Research on spousal rape, for example, finds that many suvivors did not resist due to fear of injury, fear of their efforts being futile, and fear of how that resistence would influence the marriage .

Technology has enabled domestic abusers to track and stalk their victims, communicate with them incessantly, and wield power through digital devices in the home, such as remote-controlled alarm systems, thermostats, and lighting. These tactics create a sense of complete control, instilling fear, isolation, and humiliation in victims.

Abusers aren’t easy to spot. In public, they can seem smart, trustworthy, and charming with a personality that draws people in, but in private, they are a waking nightmare. Many abusers learn violence from their family and repeat the toxic patterns with their own partner or children. They are also more likely to have legal and substance abuse problems.

Heterosexual male abusers often believe in traditional gender roles, particularly that a woman’s main priority should be to care for their partner and children. They have to be in control and are especially prone to jealousy , accusing their partner of cheating without any reason or needing to know where their partner is at all times.

Abusers often isolate their victims from family, friends, work, and any other outside sources of support. They may have explosive tempers and become violent during an abusive episode; afterward, they become remorseful and try to woo their partner back with charm and affection and promises to change, but the abusive behavior rarely stops.

Abusive relationships center around control and power. Common tactics that perpetrators use include:

1. A pattern of violence—episodes interspersed with apologies, gifts, and promises to stop

2. Isolating the victim from friends, family, hobbies, or even their job

3. Instilling guilt in the victim for their behavior or wanting more freedom

Outside of physical abuse, subtler signs of domestic abuse include extremely controlling behavior, aggression , blame, and severe jealousy and possessiveness. One of the most concerning signs of domestic violence is strangulation: Studies find that abuse involving strangulation is one of the strongest predictors of attempting or completing a murder.

The drive for control, power, and authority while instilling doubt, shame , and dependence in their partner characterizes narcissistic abuse. Perpetrators may blame the victim and refuse to take any responsibility for their behavior. They may isolate and denigrate the victim, or leverage verbal abuse and manipulation.

It can take time before victims of domestic violence recognize their situation for what it is. Abuse often leaves physical marks, from bruises and broken bones to shortness of breath and involuntary shaking. Seeming more prone to “accidents” than the average person can be a warning sign that someone is being abused. Abuse victims can also suffer both short- and long-term emotional and psychological effects, including feelings of confusion or hopelessness, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and post- traumatic stress disorder ( PTSD ).

Domestic violence is the most common cause of injury for women, leading to even more injuries than car accidents. The physical consequences can be short-term, such as bruises, pain, and broken bones, or long-term, such as arthritis, hypertension, and cardiovascular disease. The lasting consequences psychologically include depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Nine percent of men may experience domestic violence, which includes stalking , sexual assault , and physical violence, according to one UK study. Other research suggests that 28 percent of men experience intimate partner violence in the U.S. Men face distinct hurdles getting help, because they can be pathologized, not believed, or denied assistance from shelters created for women.

Men often don’t report domestic violence due to fear, shame, denial , stigma , and a lack of equal treatment. As a result, men minimize the abuse to protect themselves. One study participant explained that he feared being “laughed at, humiliated, or reversely accused of being the abuser due to a belief that men are physically capable of fighting back when being challenged.”

Domestic violence can instill fear and confusion in a child, all while their caregiver is often physically or emotionally unavailable. Children who witness domestic violence are more likely to struggle with insomnia , bed-wetting, verbal, motor, or cognitive challenges, anxiety, depression, self-harm , aggression, and domestic violence as an adult.

Leaving an abusive relationship is exceptionally challenging, both emotionally and practically. The process involves acknowledging the abuse that’s occurring, finding support to leave safely, and processing the experience and the remaining pain or fear.

Survivors can gradually work to rebuild the self-esteem that was damaged in the relationship. Developing a non-judgmental support system, practicing self-care, and discussing the experience with a mental health professional can all help survivors in the aftermath of the relationship.

Identifying a pattern of abuse and making the decision to leave can be incredibly difficult. A few of those barriers include financial stress, having nowhere else to go, the threat of violence, and a lack of support from law enforcement. Family and social expectations may also create pressure to stay, especially when children are involved.

Survivors first need to acknowledge the abusive relationship. Writing down a partner’s behavior to identify patterns and speaking with a trusted friend or family member can help. Reaching out to a domestic violence organization can help with developing a safety plan to leave, and speaking with a therapist can help process the experience and rebuild self-esteem.

Society can empower—rather than stigmatize—abuse victims by directing them to supportive resources, making mental health care accessible and affordable, and developing and evaluating prevention programs. Since financial strain is a key component, workplaces can help by creating policies to protect and support employees who are victims of intimate partner violence.

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How do people get stuck in emotionally abusive relationships? Coercion is a common tactic used to control and influence how victims perceive and respond to abuse.

Some children don’t get help to stop sibling aggression and abuse, leaving them vulnerable to lifelong negative impacts on mental, physical, and relationship health.

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Please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

Domestic or intimate partner violence

Domestic violence is sometimes called intimate partner violence. It includes physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, as well as sexual coercion and stalking by a current or former intimate partner. 1 An intimate partner is a person with whom you have or had a close personal or sexual relationship. Intimate partner violence affects millions of women each year in the United States.

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Domestic Violence

What is domestic violence.

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, or technological actions or threats of actions or other patterns of coercive behavior that influence another person within an intimate partner relationship. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.

Examples of Abusive Behavior Include

Physical abuse.

Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair pulling, etc. are types of physical abuse. This type of abuse also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use upon him or her.

Sexual Abuse

Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent. Sexual abuse includes, but is certainly not limited to, marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.

Emotional Abuse

Undermining an individual's sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem is abusive. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, or damaging one's relationship with his or her children.

Economic Abuse

Controlling or restraining a person’s ability to acquire, use, or maintain economic resources to which they are entitled. This includes using coercion, fraud, or manipulation to restrict a person’s access to money, assets, credit, or financial information; unfairly using a person’s personal economic resources, including money, assets, and credit, or exerting undue influence over a person’s financial and economic behavior or decisions, including forcing default on joint or other financial obligations, exploiting powers of attorney, guardianship, or conservatorship, or failing or neglecting to act in the best interests of a person to whom one has a fiduciary duty.

Psychological Abuse

Elements of psychological abuse include - but are not limited to - causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.

Technological Abuse

An act or pattern of behavior that is intended to harm, threaten, control, stalk, harass, impersonate, exploit, extort, or monitor another person that occurs using any form of technology, including but not limited to: internet enabled devices, online spaces and platforms, computers, mobile devices, cameras and imaging programs, apps, location tracking devices, or communication technologies, or any other emerging technologies.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, sex, or gender identity. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, dating, or share a child.

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and the community at large. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life - therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.

This discussion of domestic violence is intended to educate the public about the dynamics of abuse in intimate partner relationships, as well as to help victims understand their experience and family and friends of victims to recognize signs of abuse in the relationships of their loved ones. The Violence Against Women Act contains a definition of domestic violence that governs the programs funded under the Act. The discussion here does not alter the definition in VAWA.

Sources: National Domestic Violence Hotline, National Center for Victims of Crime, and WomensLaw.org.

How To Get Help

If you are in immediate danger, call 911. OVW does not provide services directly to the general public.  Find local help on our map  or call the national hotline:

National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233) 800-787-3224 (TTY) Advocates are also available to chat 24/7.

National Center for Victims of Crime 855-4-VICTIM (855-484-2846)

StrongHearts Native Helpline  844-762-8483 

Domestic Violence Resources 

Medical forensic exams: doj and ovw resources.

National Protocol for Intimate Partner Violence Medical Forensic Examinations

The goal of this protocol is to guide clinicians across a variety of healthcare settings in effectively providing medical forensic examinations to patients experiencing intimate partner violence (IPV).

Download the protocol

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention provides information and resources about intimate partner violence. Learn more

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Domestic violence against women: Recognize patterns, seek help

Domestic violence is a serious threat for many women. Know the signs of an abusive relationship and how to leave a dangerous situation.

Your partner apologizes and says the hurtful behavior won't happen again — but you fear it will. At times you wonder whether you're imagining the abuse, yet the emotional or physical pain you feel is real. If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing domestic violence.

Recognize domestic violence

Domestic violence — also called intimate partner violence — occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse. Abuse by a partner can happen to anyone, but domestic violence is most often directed toward women. Domestic violence can happen in heterosexual and same-sex relationships.

Abusive relationships always involve an imbalance of power and control. An abuser uses intimidating, hurtful words and behaviors to control a partner.

It might not be easy to identify domestic violence at first. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. You might be experiencing domestic violence if you're in a relationship with someone who:

• Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
• Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school or seeing family members or friends
• Tries to control how you spend money, where you go, what medicines you take or what you wear
• Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful
• Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs
• Threatens you with violence or a weapon
• Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets
• Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will
• Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it

If you're in a same-sex relationship or if you're bisexual or transgender, you might also be experiencing abuse if you're in a relationship with someone who:

• Threatens to tell friends, family, colleagues or community members your sexual orientation or gender identity
• Tells you that authorities won't help you because of your sexuality or gender identity
• Justifies abuse by questioning your sexuality or gender identity

Pregnancy, children, family members and domestic violence

Sometimes domestic violence begins — or increases — during pregnancy. Domestic violence puts your health and the baby's health at risk. The danger continues after the baby is born.

Even if your child isn't abused, simply witnessing domestic violence can be harmful. Children who grow up in abusive homes are more likely to be abused and have behavioral problems than are other children. As adults, they're more likely to become abusers or think abuse is a normal part of relationships.

You might worry that telling the truth will further endanger you, your child or other family members — and that it might break up your family. But seeking help is the best way to protect yourself and your loved ones.

Break the cycle

If you're in an abusive situation, you might recognize this pattern:

• Your abuser threatens violence.
• Your abuser strikes.
• Your abuser apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts.
• The cycle repeats itself.

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the greater the physical and emotional toll. You might become depressed and anxious, or you might begin to doubt your ability to take care of yourself. You might feel helpless or paralyzed.

You may also wonder if the abuse is your fault — a common point of confusion among survivors of domestic abuse that may make it more difficult to seek help.

Don't take the blame

You may not be ready to seek help because you believe you're at least partially to blame for the abuse in the relationship. Reasons may include:

• Your partner blames you for the violence in your relationship. Abusive partners rarely take responsibility for their actions.
• Your partner only exhibits abusive behavior with you. Abusers are often concerned with outward appearances and may appear charming and stable to those outside of your relationship. This may cause you to believe that his or her actions can only be explained by something you've done.
• Therapists and health care providers who see you alone or with your partner haven't detected a problem. If you haven't told your health care provider about the abuse, they may only take note of unhealthy patterns in your thinking or behavior. This can lead to a misdiagnosis. For example, survivors of intimate partner violence may develop symptoms that resemble chronic disorders such as irritable bowel syndrome or fibromyalgia. Exposure to intimate partner violence also increases your risk of mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
• You have acted out verbally or physically against your abuser, yelling, pushing or hitting your partner during conflicts. You may worry that you are abusive, but it's much more likely that you acted in self-defense or intense emotional distress. Your abuser may use such incidents to manipulate you, describing them as proof that you are the abusive partner.

If you're having trouble identifying what's happening, take a step back and look at larger patterns in your relationship. Then review the signs of domestic violence. In an abusive relationship, the person who routinely uses these behaviors is the abuser. The person on the receiving end is being abused.

Unique challenges

If you're an immigrant , you may be hesitant to seek help out of fear that you will be deported. Language barriers, lack of economic independence and limited social support can increase your isolation and your ability to access resources.

Laws in the United States guarantee protection from domestic abuse, regardless of your immigrant status. Free or low-cost resources are available, including lawyers, shelter and medical care for you and your children. You may also be eligible for legal protections that allow immigrants who experience domestic violence to stay in the United States.

Call a national domestic violence hotline for guidance. These services are free and protect your privacy.

• If you're an older woman , you may face challenges related to your age and the length of your relationship. You may have grown up in a time when domestic violence was simply not discussed. You or your partner may have health problems that increase your dependency or sense of responsibility.
• If you're in a same-sex relationship , you might be less likely to seek help after an assault if you don't want to disclose your sexual orientation. If you've been sexually assaulted by another woman, you might also fear that you won't be believed.

Still, the only way to break the cycle of domestic violence is to take action. Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it's a friend, a loved one, a health care provider or another close contact. You can also call a national domestic violence hotline.

At first, you might find it hard to talk about the abuse. But understand that you are not alone and there are experts who can help you. You'll also likely feel relief and receive much-needed support.

Create a safety plan

Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. Consider taking these precautions:

• Call a women's shelter or domestic violence hotline for advice. Make the call at a safe time — when the abuser isn't around — or from a friend's house or other safe location.
• Pack an emergency bag that includes items you'll need when you leave, such as extra clothes and keys. Leave the bag in a safe place. Keep important personal papers, money and prescription medications handy so that you can take them with you on short notice.
• Know exactly where you'll go and how you'll get there.

Protect your communication and location

An abuser can use technology to monitor your telephone and online communication and to track your location. If you're concerned for your safety, seek help. To maintain your privacy:

• Use phones cautiously. Your abuser might intercept calls and listen to your conversations. An abusive partner might use caller ID, check your cellphone or search your phone billing records to see your call and texting history.
• Use your home computer cautiously. Your abuser might use spyware to monitor your emails and the websites you visit. Consider using a computer at work, at the library or at a friend's house to seek help.
• Turn off GPS devices. Your abuser might use a GPS device on your vehicle or your phone to pinpoint your location.
• Frequently change your email password. Choose passwords that would be difficult for your abuser to guess.
• Clear your viewing history. Follow your browser's instructions to clear any record of websites or graphics you've viewed.

Where to find help

In an emergency, call 911 or your local emergency number or law enforcement agency. The following resources also can help:

• Someone you trust. Turn to a friend, loved one, neighbor, co-worker, or religious or spiritual adviser for support.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233; toll-free). Call the hotline for crisis intervention and referrals to resources, such as women's shelters.
• Your health care provider. A health care provider typically will treat injuries and can refer you to safe housing and other local resources.
• A local women's shelter or crisis center. Shelters and crisis centers typically provide 24-hour emergency shelter as well as advice on legal matters and advocacy and support services.
• A counseling or mental health center. Counseling and support groups for women in abusive relationships are available in most communities.
• A local court. A court can help you obtain a restraining order that legally mandates the abuser to stay away from you or face arrest. Local advocates might be available to help guide you through the process.

It can be hard to recognize or admit that you're in an abusive relationship — but help is available. Remember, no one deserves to be abused.

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• Intimate partner violence. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/index.html. Accessed March 4, 2022.
• American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Committee Opinion No. 518. Intimate partner violence and women's health. Obstetrics & Gynecology. 2012; doi:10.1097/AOG.0b013e318249ff74. Reaffirmed 2019.
• Frequently asked questions about domestic violence. National Network to End Domestic Violence. https://nnedv.org/content/frequently-asked-questions-about-domestic-violence/. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Domestic and intimate partner violence. Office on Women's Health. https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence. Accessed March 4, 2022.
• AskMayoExpert. Intimate partner violence. Mayo Clinic; 2021.
• Goldman L, et al., eds. Intimate partner violence. In: Goldman-Cecil Medicine. 26th ed. Elsevier; 2020. https://www.clinicalkey.com. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Ferri FF. Intimate partner violence. In: Ferri's Clinical Advisor 2022. https://www.clinicalkey.com. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Internet & computer safety. National Network to End Domestic Violence. https://nnedv.org/content/internet-computer-safety/. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Technology safety & privacy: A toolkit for survivors. Technology Safety. https://www.techsafety.org/resources-survivors. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Intimate partner violence: A guide for psychiatrists treating IPV survivors. American Psychiatric Association. https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/cultural-competency/education/intimate-partner-violence/women. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Domestic violence and lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender relationships. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. http://www.mmgconnect.com/projects/userfiles/File/DCE-STOP_NOW/NCADV_LGBT_Fact_Sheet.pdf. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Bakes K, et al. Intimate partner violence. In: Emergency Medicine Secrets. Elsevier: 2022. https://www.clinicalkey.com. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• What is domestic violence? National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. https://ncadv.org/learn-more. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Intimate partner abuse and relationship violence. American Psychological Association: Working Group on Intimate Partner Abuse and Relationship Violence. https://www.apa.org/about/division/activities/partner-abuse.pdf. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• The myth of mutual abuse. National Domestic Violence Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/the-myth-of-mutual-abuse/. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Final recommendation statement: Intimate partner violence, elder abuse, and abuse of vulnerable adults. U.S. Preventive Services Task Force. https://www.uspreventiveservicestaskforce.org/uspstf/recommendation/intimate-partner-violence-and-abuse-of-elderly-and-vulnerable-adults-screening. Accessed March 5, 2022.
• Information on the legal rights available to immigrant victims of domestic violence in the United States and facts about immigrating on a marriage-based visa fact sheet. U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services. https://www.uscis.gov/archive/information-on-the-legal-rights-available-to-immigrant-victims-of-domestic-violence-in-the-united. Accessed March 5, 2022.
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Domestic Violence and Recanting Statements

Navigating recanting statements in domestic violence cases: a comprehensive guide.

In the complex landscape of domestic violence cases , the act of recanting statements introduces a myriad of legal and emotional challenges. This comprehensive guide aims to provide individuals grappling with domestic violence situations a clear understanding of recanting statements. We will delve into the reasons behind recanting, the legal consequences involved, and the potential impact on legal proceedings. Emphasis will be placed on understanding the context, seeking support, and the crucial role of legal guidance in such delicate situations.

‍ Understanding Recanting Statements

‍ motivations behind recanting.

‍ 1. Fear and Intimidation: Victims of domestic violence may recant statements due to fear of reprisal or continued abuse.

‍ 2. Pressure from Abusers: Perpetrators may exert control over victims, coercing them into recanting to avoid legal consequences.

‍ 3. Emotional Confusion: The emotional toll of domestic violence can lead to confusion, causing victims to recant statements out of fear or confusion.

‍ Legal Consequences of Recanting

‍ 1. Impact on Prosecution: Recanting statements can complicate the prosecution's case, making it challenging to secure convictions.

‍ 2. Credibility Issues: Recanted statements may raise questions about the credibility of the victim, impacting the overall credibility of the case.

‍ 3. Potential Perjury Charges: In some cases, individuals who recant statements may face perjury charges if inconsistencies are discovered.

‍ Navigating the Challenges

‍ understanding the context.

‍ 1. Power Dynamics: Recognize the power dynamics at play and understand the complexities that may influence recanting.

‍ 2. Trauma-Informed Approach: Approach the situation with a trauma-informed perspective, acknowledging the psychological impact of abuse.

‍ Seeking Support for Domestic Violence Victims

‍ 1. Advocacy Organizations: Connect with domestic violence advocacy organizations that offer support, resources, and counseling services.

‍ 2. Therapeutic Intervention: Encourage victims to seek therapeutic intervention to address the emotional toll of abuse.

‍ Legal Guidance in Domestic Violence Cases

‍ 1. Consulting an Attorney : Victims and those facing accusations should seek legal representation to navigate the legal complexities.

‍ 2. Understanding Restraining Orders: Legal professionals can guide individuals through the process of obtaining restraining orders for protection.

‍ Conclusion: Empowering Through Understanding

Navigating the challenges of recanting statements in domestic violence cases requires a nuanced understanding of the dynamics at play. By acknowledging the motivations behind recanting, understanding the legal consequences, and seeking the right support, individuals can make informed decisions. Legal guidance is paramount, ensuring that the legal process is navigated with care and precision.

For personalized advice tailored to specific situations, consulting with an experienced domestic violence attorney is recommended.

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Fast Facts: Preventing Intimate Partner Violence

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is abuse or aggression that occurs in a romantic relationship. “Intimate partner” refers to both current and former spouses and dating partners. IPV can vary in how often it happens and how severe it is. It can range from one episode of violence that could have lasting impact to chronic and severe episodes over multiple years. IPV can include any of the following types of behavior:

• Physical violence is when a person hurts or tries to hurt a partner by hitting, kicking, or using another type of physical force.
• Sexual violence is forcing or attempting to force a partner to take part in a sex act, sexual touching, or a non-physical sexual event (e.g., sexting) when the partner does not or cannot consent.
• Stalking is a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention and contact by a partner that causes fear or concern for one’s own safety or the safety of someone close to the victim.
• Psychological aggression is the use of verbal and non-verbal communication with the intent to harm a partner mentally or emotionally and/or to exert control over a partner.

IPV is connected to other forms of violence and is related to serious health issues and economic consequences. However, IPV and other forms of violence can be prevented. For more information about IPV definitions please see Intimate Partner Violence Surveillance: Uniform Definitions and Recommended Data Elements, Version 2.0. [3.04 MB, 164 Pages, 508] .

IPV is common.  It affects millions of people in the United States each year. Data from CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) indicate:  

• About 41% of women and 26% of men experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner and reported an intimate partner violence-related impact during their lifetime. Injury, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, concern for safety, fear, needing help from law enforcement, and missing at least one day of work are common impacts reported.
• Over 61 million women and 53 million men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

IPV starts early and continues throughout people’s lives. When IPV occurs in adolescence, it is called teen dating violence (TDV). TDV affects millions of U.S. teens each year. About 16 million women and 11 million men who reported experiencing contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime said that they first experienced these forms of violence before the age of 18. While violence impacts all people in the United States, some individuals and communities experience inequities in risk for violence due to the social and structural conditions in which they live, work, and play. Youth from groups that have been marginalized, such as sexual and gender minority youth, are at greater risk of experiencing sexual and physical dating violence.

IPV is a significant public health issue that has many individual and societal costs. About 75% of female IPV survivors and 48% of male IPV survivors experience some form of injury related to IPV. IPV can also result in death. Data from U.S. crime reports suggest that about 1 in 5 homicide victims are killed by an intimate partner. The reports also found that over half of female homicide victims in the United States are killed by a current or former male intimate partner.

Many other negative health outcomes are associated with IPV. These include a range of conditions affecting the heart, muscles and bones, and digestive, reproductive, and nervous systems, many of which are chronic. Survivors can experience mental health problems such as depression and PTSD symptoms. They are at higher risk for engaging in behaviors such as smoking, binge drinking, and sexual risk activity. People from groups that have been marginalized, such as people from racial and ethnic minority groups, are at higher risk for worse consequences.

Although the personal consequences of IPV are devastating, there are also many costs to society. The lifetime economic cost associated with medical services for IPV-related injuries, lost productivity from paid work, criminal justice and other costs, is $3.6 trillion. The cost of IPV over a victim’s lifetime was $103,767 for women and $23,414 for men.

Intimate partner violence is preventable. A number of factors may increase or decrease the risk of perpetrating and experiencing intimate partner violence. To prevent intimate partner violence, we must understand and address the factors that put people at risk for or protect them from violence . Promoting healthy, respectful, and nonviolent relationships and communities can help reduce the occurrence of IPV. It also can prevent the harmful and long-lasting effects of IPV on individuals, families, and communities. CDC developed a resource, Intimate Partner Violence Prevention Resource for Action [5 MB, 62 Pages] , to help communities take advantage of the best available evidence to prevent intimate partner violence. This resource can be used as a tool in efforts to impact individual behaviors, as well as family, community, and society factors that influence risk and protective factors for intimate partner violence.

Different types of violence are connected and often share root causes. Intimate partner violence is linked to other forms of violence through shared risk and protective factors . Addressing and preventing one form of violence may have an impact on preventing other forms of violence.

For more information about IPV, SV, and Stalking among Men, please see Intimate Partner Violence, Sexual Violence, and Stalking Among Men .

For information about SV and IPV among people with disabilities, please see Sexual Violence and Intimate Partner Violence Among People with Disabilities .

• Breiding MJ, Basile KC, Smith SG, Black MC, & Mahendra RR. (2015). Intimate partner violence surveillance: uniform definitions and recommended data elements, Version 2.0. Atlanta (GA): National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
• Leemis RW, Friar N, Khatiwada S, Chen MS, Kresnow M, Smith SG, Caslin S, & Basile KC. (2022). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2016/2017 Report on Intimate Partner Violence. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
• Johns MM, Lowry R, Andrzejewski J, Barrios LC, Demissie Z, McManus T, Rasberry CN, Robin L, Underwood JM. Transgender identity and experiences of violence victimization, substance use, suicide risk, and sexual risk behaviors among high school students—19 states and large urban school districts, 2017. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report. 2019 Jan 25;68(3):67.
• Johns MM, Lowry R, Haderxhanaj LT, Rasberry CN, Robin L, Scales L, Stone D, Suarez NA. Trends in violence victimization and suicide risk by sexual identity among high school students—Youth Risk Behavior Survey, United States, 2015–2019. MMWR supplements. 2020 Aug 21;69(1):19.
• Smith SG, Chen J, Basile KC, Gilbert LK, Merrick MT, Patel N, Walling M, & Jain A. (2017). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010-2012 State Report. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
• Jack SP, Petrosky E, Lyons BH, et al. Surveillance for Violent Deaths — National Violent Death Reporting System, 27 States, 2015. MMWR Surveill Summ 2018;67(No. SS-11):1–32. DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.15585/mmwr.ss6711a1external
• Niolon, P. H., Kearns, M., Dills, J., Rambo, K., Irving, S., Armstead, T., & Gilbert, L. (2017). Intimate Partner Violence Prevention Resource for Action: A Compilation of the Best Available Evidence. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Note: The title of this document was changed in July 2023 to align with other Prevention Resources being developed by CDC’s Injury Center. The document was previously cited as “Preventing Intimate Partner Violence Across the Lifespan: A Technical Package of Programs, Policies, and Practices.”
• Stockman JK, Hayashi H, Campbell JC. Intimate Partner Violence and its Health Impact on Ethnic Minority Women [corrected] [published correction appears in J Womens Health (Larchmt). 2015 Mar;24(3):256].  J Womens Health (Larchmt) . 2015;24(1):62-79. doi:10.1089/jwh.2014.4879
• Peterson C, Kearns MC, McIntosh WL, Estefan LF, Nicolaidis C, McCollister KE, & Florence C. (2018). Lifetime Economic Burden of Intimate Partner Violence Among U.S. Adults. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 55(4), 433–444.

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Empowering Statements from Domestic Violence Survivors

Photo credit: S:US

This year in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we created a poster board with two statements that we asked survivors at each of our domestic violence shelters to complete in their own words. The two statements were: “Breaking the cycle of domestic violence means/looks like…” and “I challenge domestic violence because…” The primary focus of creating these poster boards and engaging our survivors in this activity was to help them to envision a new life for themselves and their children. While there is fear in starting over or of the unknown, we wanted to help our survivors to write their own narrative of what this change would mean for them and give them a chance to dream of a better life for themselves and their children. Displaying these poster boards with their personalized and empowering statements in our shelters will help to serve as reminders to them as well as others on how important this journey is in changing their lives – and to encourage them to keep going.

Here are a few of the powerful survivor statements:

Breaking the cycle of domestic violence means I am fully content and capable of everything that I decide to do for my family and myself. I challenge domestic violence because I know my power. -S.V.

Breaking the cycle of domestic violence means I can trust myself completely as my life unfolds to create my own story. I challenge domestic violence because I AM A WARRIOR. -L.T.

Breaking the cycle of domestic violence means I learned how to love myself unconditionally just as I am. I challenge domestic violence because I am stronger each day. -T.W.

Breaking the cycle of domestic violence means I opened up talking about my situation to help others get through it. I challenge domestic violence because sharing my story encourages others to do the same. -C.C.

Breaking the cycle of domestic violence means I have the power to change whatever I want. I challenge domestic violence because broken bridges cannot stop me. -B.M.

Breaking the cycle of domestic violence means my strength is greater than my struggle. I challenge domestic violence because I have the courage to face any challenge. -E.S.

Breaking the cycle of domestic violence means living my life with confidence. I challenge domestic violence because every day I wake up with the willpower to keep pushing forward. -Q.B.

Breaking the cycle of domestic violence means respecting myself, respecting others, and all people respecting me. I challenge domestic violence because I have the power to change my story. -M.C.

Breaking the cycle of domestic violence means I will gain a fresh perception of myself and make clear decisions. I challenge domestic violence because I will rebuild my past and plan for my future. -T.M.

Thank you to our amazing staff for supporting the families in our shelter, in stabilizing their lives and in helping them find permanent housing.

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