college essay about having no friends

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“I have no friends”: The struggle of making college friends at university

“I have no friends” was a thought that often came across my mind during my second year of university. After such a long time spent in lockdown, taking in-person classes opened my eyes to a hard truth:  the COVID-19 pandemic messed up my social skills. So many months of virtual communication led me to realize that I forgot how to verbally and physically interact with people ー just picture a baby giraffe learning how to walk. Don’t get me wrong, I never considered myself an extrovert, but I usually pushed myself to talk to people and, in the end, my socializing efforts paid off. 

Considering the fact that I had just switched majors, last semester was a real struggle for me ー I was taking a few Political Science courses, which felt like entering unknown territory. I found the whole process very intimidating (I still kinda do) because transitioning into this new field of study made me feel out of place. I think I have big gaps in knowledge concerning politics, and to know so little about a brand-new major can feel both discouraging and embarrassing ー even more so when you’re in a room full of people that seem to have a comment about everything the professors say. Moreover, I was scared to interact with any of my fellow classmates. For some reason, I thought I would be made fun of due to my lack of knowledge. 

I spent most of my time alone, which I thought was incredibly sorrowful. Now, I actually enjoy having time for myself where I can go to the library and get work done or simply read for fun. Being by myself made me appreciate spending time alone by default. I don’t know if you’re like me, but I’m constantly consuming media during moments of peaceful aloneness. I listen to music when showering and driving, and I watch videos or a series while doing everyday tasks, such as cooking, folding laundry or doing the dishes. Needless to say, I seldom sit in silence with my thoughts. However, from time to time I’ll catch myself losing my train of thought or just dissociating from the activity I’m doing at that given moment. For me, thinking equals worrying, and evidently, that’s not a fun thing to do. I worry about what’s happening, what happened, and what will happen. I’m sure you have felt the same and wish to have an on-and-off switch for your brain because overthinking can be such a mood killer. Although media consumption can prove to be a quick fix for some, I recommend you seek out new friendships when struggling with social anxiety or overthinking.

 When I’m interacting with a potential friend for the first time, I always keep in mind that university friendships are very different from high school ones. You won’t hang out with them all the time, and that’s just something you need to get used to. Despite how intimidating it may seem, learning to be by oneself is both necessary and fruitful. After all, you are the only person who will always be there to provide you with love and support. That being said, it’s also important to take that first step and go up to someone and break the conversational ice.

Firstly, make an effort to talk to your classmates even if it’s to ask a silly question. Make sure you’re trying because they might feel intimidated as well. If they don’t reciprocate, it might mean they aren’t the ones to talk to. But whatever you do, don’t give up. Meeting people and making friendships can often feel like a trial and error process, but remember that campuses are full of people with all kinds of interests, so you’ll indeed find someone you have something in common with. 

If you feel discouraged and scared about making friends, that’s okay. I do, too. To this day, I’ve talked to a few people, and maybe two of them might consider me their friend. Although we don’t interact on a daily basis, I’m proud of our friendship and of myself for taking the initiative. Never lose sight of the fact that everybody in university is finding their way through life and their place in it, so don’t feel disappointed.  

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Advice From a Formerly Lonely College Student

Last fall, I made a viral video about having trouble making friends. Here’s what I’ve learned.

By Emery Bergmann

Being known as “the girl with no friends” wasn’t my favorite part about having made a video that went viral — but you take what you can get.

About a year ago, as a college freshman at Cornell, I was assigned a short video project for my Intro to Digital Media course.

I decided to focus on my disappointment with the early weeks of college: How I couldn’t get past superficial conversation, how I couldn’t seem to enjoy parties, feel comfortable on campus, or just meet people who I wanted to spend more time around. I felt so lost and beyond confused.

I had been a pretty social person in high school and I fully expected to make great friends right away when I got to college. It’s supposed to be the time of your life, right?

I had been looking forward to college for years. I started studying for standardized tests in 10th, hammering out extracurricular activities and A.P. courses all through 11th, and spent senior year typing applications till my fingers practically bled. I got into a great school, pleasing myself and my family. This was not the payoff I expected.

The worst part was that I felt as if I were the only one who was this lonely. I’d see all these freshmen walk in packs — just massive groups of friends already formed in the first two weeks of school. I couldn’t muster the courage to ask people to get lunch. It was so frustrating. I immediately turned on myself — criticized and blamed myself for being weird and unapproachable.

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How College Friendships May Affect Student Success

Anya Kamenetz

Like many people, I absolutely cherish the close friendships I forged in college, nearly mumble-mumble years ago. But we rarely think about how these friendships might affect the path to graduation. If anything, students are typically advised to avoid social distractions and keep their eyes on the academic prize instead.

A new book from a researcher at Dartmouth College puts a new spin on that idea, mapping out the ways differently structured social networks affect students' experiences for good and for ill.

Janice McCabe, an associate professor of sociology, interviewed a diverse group of 67 undergraduates at a large Midwestern public university (unnamed to protect student privacy.) She asked them to name their friends, which ranged from 3 to 60 individuals, and then she painstakingly mapped out the web of connections that made up each person's friend network.

Her conclusion? "It's important to realize that friends can have academic as well as social benefits." And the type of network you have matters a lot.

McCabe found that students' networks fell into three basic types. "Tight-knitters" had a single cluster of friends who all knew each other and did seemingly everything together. They often described those friends as like "home" or like "family." Their social network resembles a ball of yarn.

"Tight-knitters" had a close group of friends who were "like family." Janice McCabe hide caption

"Compartmentalizers" had between two and four unrelated clusters of friends: say, one group of fellow engineering majors, another from the swim team. With two clusters, their pattern looks like a bow tie.

"Compartmentalizers" had between two and four separate clusters of friends. Janice McCabe hide caption

"Compartmentalizers" had between two and four separate clusters of friends.

And "Samplers" had one-on-one friendships with individuals who didn't necessarily know one another. Their networks looked like a hub-and-spoke system, or a daisy.

"Samplers" had lots of one-on-one friendships and reported feeling isolated. Janice McCabe hide caption

The tight-knitters named an average of 13 friends. Many of these students spoke about how important it was to have friends who could provide "intense social support that got them through difficult experiences," says McCabe.

The sample size is too small to be definitive about cause, but McCabe found that about half the tight-knitters seemed to be part of groups that "dragged them down" academically. The other half performed above average, seemingly part of groups that "dragged each other up."

To put it another way, among the students who said their close group of friends provided academic motivation and support, every one of them graduated. Among the ones who said they lacked this support and their friends distracted them from schoolwork, only half managed to graduate within six years. "It really happened both ways," McCabe said.

Compartmentalizers had at least one group of friends that was more academically oriented, and one that was more social. This pattern was common among students from more privileged backgrounds, who tended to do well in college. When they were juggling more than two clusters, though, they reported being spread thin socially. Many had one "academic" cluster and another who helped reinforce a sense of belonging on campus.

Samplers reported having about the same number of friends as compartmentalizers, about 20. But these students said their friendships were arranged differently, as a collection of one-on-one relationships. Samplers were successful academically, but they were more likely to report being "very lonely," and socially isolated, says McCabe.

Basing her study on in-depth interviews, McCabe discovered that above all, students seek a good balance between their academic and social lives. The lines may often blur, but that can be to the good: Students check in with friends when they have a paper due, they study together and quiz each other, and they help each other blow off steam when the work is done.

Instead of looking at proxy measures, like involvement in extracurriculars, she suggests that administrators could get a better view of how to help students succeed by understanding all the roles strong friendships play. "They can be ties keeping students in and committed and helping them do well and helping them feel like a whole person too."

‘I Have No Friends’: Why You Feel This Way & What to Do

• Post author: Anna LeMind, B.A.
• Post published: February 19, 2021
• Reading time: 16 mins read
• Post category: Personality / Psychology & Mental Health

I’m an introvert, and I don’t have many social connections. But sometimes I feel like I have no friends at all. And something tells me that many of us feel this way from time to time.

What can you do if you don’t have friends you could trust and rely on? And most importantly, why does this happen to you?

First of all, let’s admit that friendship is a subjective phenomenon, just like happiness or love, and each of us has our own definition of this type of connection between two people. For example, if we ask an extrovert and an introvert about what a friend is , we will probably get quite different answers.

As such, an extrovert will most likely say that a friend is a person you have common interests and hobbies with. It is someone with whom you can spend your free time, have fun, and enjoy shared experiences.

An introvert will most certainly focus on the communication aspect of being a friend and tell that it’s a person you can confide your secrets and personal problems to.

But both will surely add that friendship is also about trust, loyalty, and support .

Thus, if you feel like you have no friends, the first step is to ask yourself, ‘ What does friendship mean to me ?’ Think about your own definition of friendship to find what it is that is missing from your social connections.

Now, let’s explore a few specific reasons for a lack of friends.

Why Do I Have No Friends? 5 Most Common Reasons

1. your social connections are too superficial.

This is probably the most common reason why someone might be feeling like they don’t have friends.

In our society, quantity is often considered more important than quality. Thus, people of all ages (especially younger generations) tend to think that they need to have a certain number of connections in their social circle .

However, relationships between people are not a football score, and in reality, it doesn’t matter how many friends you have compared to an average person. It’s the quality of the connection that defines someone as your friend or just an acquaintance.

If you feel like your friends don’t share the same values and aspirations in life and you can only discuss superficial and routine stuff, maybe they are not your friends at all . They are just random people who happen to be a part of your life today, but they might not be there tomorrow.

2. You are in the wrong company

Sometimes we refuse to see the obvious, especially when we are emotionally connected to someone. You know how it happens – you hang out with a person and consider them a friend until a difficult situation arises and you realize that they don’t give a damn about you. Your supposed friend is not there when you need their help and support the most.

Sometimes, the people you consider your friends also turn out to be fake , manipulative, or overly critical. When you share an opinion or an aspiration with them, they laugh at you and convince you that it’s a bad idea. They claim they know what’s best for you and are just being realistic. After being in the company of such people, you feel drained and insecure.

Or maybe you confide your personal problems to someone just to later realize that they used them as the food for gossip. The scenarios are endless, but all these situations stem from being in the wrong company .

Losing a friend is certainly a painful process and disappointments like this hurt. This is when you realize you have no friends anymore and there is no one left that you can trust. But believe me, it’s better than being blinded by the illusion of friendship while letting other people take advantage of you .

3. You are overly guarded

The first two reasons may sound like it’s other people’s fault that you don’t have friends. However, it’s not always about ‘them’. Sometimes having no friends has to do with your own personal qualities and behaviors.

You might be so guarded that you simply don’t let other people into your life. This is a common problem of introverts, individuals with trust issues and mental illness, and abuse or trauma survivors. These categories of people can’t help themselves – they are just unable to open up to others easily .

Maybe you have been hurt in the past and are afraid to grow closer to someone and risk being betrayed again. Maybe you are just too reserved and cautious about meeting new people .

While the reasons behind these behaviors are understandable, sometimes you need to loosen the grip of your defense mechanisms when it comes to interacting with other people.

As for me, I can say for sure that my guarded behavior is one of the basic reasons why I have almost no friends. Think about it – maybe this is what could explain your struggle with making friends too.

4. Your communication skills need improvement

Probably the most obvious reason why someone doesn’t have friends is a lack of communication skills .

Some people seem to have an innate ability to find common ground with those around them, but it doesn’t come so easily to everyone. It’s fine if your communication skills are not at their best. Mine are neither, and this is why I don’t have friends. The good news is that you can always improve your ability to communicate .

But what do we mean when we talk about the lack of communication skills? There can be a myriad of examples. Let’s explore the most common ones:

You don’t look interested

First of all, you might not show much interest in other people. Think about it: when you meet a new person, do you ask them any questions or are they the only one who wants to get to know you better?

Most people love talking about themselves, and when they see that you are not interested to learn more about their life, they will instinctively withdraw. After all, it’s natural to seek mutual interest and devotion in any type of relationship.

Conversational narcissism & poor listening skills

The same goes for someone who doesn’t know how to listen to others and talks about themselves all the time. This trait is called conversational narcissism and many people have it without even realizing it. It’s is similar to showing little interest in others but is much more annoying.

If you know someone who is a conversational narcissist, you will understand exactly what I mean. Attempt to share your opinion or tell a story about yourself, and this person will not hesitate to interrupt you and turn the conversation to themselves. They always seem to have a better story to tell and a more important opinion to share.

This kind of behavior pushes people away because one of the basic psychological needs we all have is to be heard .

You send confusing non-verbal cues

My husband always says that my body language cues and facial expressions tell other people that I’m either hiding something or am not interested in interaction. It’s because I struggle with maintaining eye contact and fail to exhibit confident and open body language. I guess this is one of the reasons I have no friends except for a couple of classmates I still talk to.

The non-verbal aspect of communication is no less important than the words we say. We unconsciously ‘read’ other people, and if someone doesn’t make eye contact, turns away, or looks down most of the time, we immediately feel like they don’t want to talk to us.

Or even worse, we might assume that this person is being inauthentic or is hiding something, so it’s better to stay away from them.

Unbalanced conflict management styles

One of the most important communication skills is the ability to manage conflict in a healthy way. Unbalanced conflict management styles include both behaving in a too confrontational manner and avoiding conflict situations at all costs.

If you think about it, both of these approaches can cause issues in interpersonal relations. When you avoid the most trivial conflict , you end up not standing your ground. Therefore, you give others the green light to violate your personal boundaries, take you for granted, and neglect your needs. It’s a sure way to find yourself surrounded by toxic and abusive personalities .

On the other hand, if you are too confrontational, those around you may get exhausted by the constant fights. In this case, they will prefer to withdraw than deal with this tension that surrounds you.

After all, most of us seek the company of people who make us feel good. Introducing unnecessary confrontation into our lives is the last thing we want.

You are too negative or critical

It’s natural to want to surround yourself with good vibes. There is already so much evil and hatred in our world that we want to see positivity at least in our personal lives. At the same time, no one can be positive all the time, and experiencing negative emotions is a part of being a human.

However, if most of your talking revolves around complaining or criticizing others , don’t be surprised when your friends turn down one invitation after another and their calls get less and less frequent. Just like in the case of high conflict personalities , most people prefer to stay away from overly negative and critical individuals.

5. You are a loner

Finally, there is one more reason why you might not have friends, and it’s a good thing. You could be a loner and not realize that you simply have very low needs for social interaction .

My book ‘ The Power of Misfits: How to Find Your Place in a World You Don’t Fit In ’ is devoted to such personalities. For my whole life, I felt like an outsider who failed to connect with fellow human beings. I wondered why I had no friends in college and school and was absolutely sure that something was wrong with me.

But the truth is that having just a couple of real, loyal friends is enough for me . Of course, from time to time, I still feel like it’s not normal to have so few friends and basically no social life. But I remind myself that this is who I am and it’s perfectly fine!

What if you are a loner too? In this case, you need to work on self-acceptance to make sure you are comfortable in your own skin. Maybe you should start with the question, ‘ Do I really want to make more friends ?’ If you feel that this is you, read this article about the lone wolf personality and take the free test.

What to Do When You Have No Friends?

If you have recognized yourself in the above, you may think that every instance of a lack of friendships requires a different solution, and you are right. However, there are a few basic things to do if you feel like you have no friends:

1. Analyze yourself and your social circle

The first step to take is to ask yourself, ‘ Which of my behaviors and personality traits could push people away ?’ Try to be honest and objective. You could also ask your family and special someone. Often, those around us are able to see the truth we neglect simply because they have a clearer idea of how we treat other people.

Are you a negative thinker who looks moody and complains most of the time? Do you listen to other people and ask them questions? How do you approach conflict situations? Are you too reserved and guarded?

The next step is to analyze the quality of your existing social connections . Feeling like you have no friends is not a coincidence, and it could mean that you have already realized that the people you surround yourself with are not ‘your tribe’.

Can you share personal problems with your friends? Do they actually listen to you? Are they willing to offer you help and support when you need it? How do they make you feel about yourself?

2. Focus on connecting to like-minded people

We often pursue the wrong things in life, driven by social conditioning. This includes the need to be liked by everyone and having an active social life. But the truth is that whether you are a quiet introvert or an outgoing extrovert, it’s the quality of social interaction that matters .

Thus, if you have no friends, maybe you’ve been looking in the wrong places. The point is to find like-minded individuals who understand and share your aspirations and values in life. It would be someone who would bring more quality and meaning to your life, not just a person to kid around with.

Yes, when it comes to friendship, having fun is important, but getting support and understanding is priceless.

3. Work on your self-esteem and self-acceptance

This is a particularly important step if you are an introvert or loner and feel like you have no friends.

If you think about it, low self-esteem ruins your social life in two ways: you are afraid to show your true self to others and fail to make a good impression. While the second one is more important for job interviews, the first one can leave you being surrounded by the wrong people.

If you feel insecure when it comes to expressing your opinions and just being your true authentic self, others don’t get the chance to know the real you. For this reason, you should work on boosting your self-esteem and self-acceptance.

Our insecurities are often a product of the pressure from our families, school, and society. If you were a quiet kid, your parents and teachers would most likely force you to be more social. Thus, it’s important to get to the root of your insecurities and self-esteem issues.

Then, there are multiple methods to help you increase your self-esteem, such as affirmations, journaling, and exposure therapy techniques. You can learn more about them in these articles:

• 20 Affirmations for Self-Esteem to Say to Yourself Every Day
• 6 Uncomfortable Self-Esteem Activities That Will Boost Your Confidence
• How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 4 Techniques That Really Work

4. Improve your communication skills

If you are done with step #1, you may have already found the behaviors and traits of yours that push people away. We discussed above that there are many aspects of poor communication skills that can leave someone without friends.

You may need to work on your ability to look friendly and interested or improve your listening skills. Maybe it’s your negative mindset that makes those around you pull away. Or you could simply look too aloof and need some practice with your body language.

Communication skills are complex, but it’s possible to improve them, and the most important thing to do is to practice as much as you can . So if you are an introvert or loner, make sure you don’t isolate yourself too much and don’t shy away from situations where you could interact with others.

You can learn how to improve your verbal and non-verbal communication skills in the articles below:

• How to Improve Your Nonverbal Communication Skills: Step-by-Step Guide
• Why Good Listening Skills Are a Real Superpower (and How to Develop Them)
• 8 Secrets of Confident Body Language That Will Make You More Assertive
• How to Stop Complaining All the Time with 4 No-Nonsense Strategies
• 7 Signs You Are an Overly Critical Person and How to Stop Being One

I hope that this guide has helped you understand why you don’t have friends and what you can do about it . But don’t forget that the most important thing is to stay loyal to yourself.

I have no friends except for a couple of people I’ve known since my school days, and I’m fine with it. Maybe instead of rushing to meet new people, you just need to do some work on your self-acceptance to be able to see things in this light too.

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This Post Has 3 Comments

You forgot to add the pandemic as one of the reasons for not having friends. Hard to get to know people when you can’t even meet anyone new in the first place, eh?

I used to have a few friends my circle was small but they were not real friends in the sense of the word real friends always call you up know and then to see how you are the very few I had were just interested in them self and sought to manipulate I’d say say I’m an omnivert but I get stressed easily in large crowed situation were everyone is really close I’ve practiced meditation for many years and that’s helped me a lot have you looked at the aspects of other possibilities you could have hsp or empathic tendencies. Im also a deep thinker I never give an answer right away and need more time to think. A lot of people think it does not exist and say your imagining things or your a dreamer

For years, I felt bad about not having lots of friends. Even though I taught for 38 years and thus surrounded by people every school day, I only connected with 2 or 3 colleagues. Today, I accept that I am a loner, preferring to do stuff by myself. Facebook allows me to feel part of a group without having to actually be with people. Perfect!

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How to Deal With Having No Friends in College

So, you are almost ready to head off to college? It is an exciting time in any student’s life – you get to leave high school behind and embark on a new adventure. However, it can also be a daunting prospect for many people.

While in high school, you have had several years to build up your group of friends and now it is likely that you are all headed off to different colleges – maybe even hundreds of miles apart.

What are you going to do if you end up making no friends in college as a freshman?

Believe it or not, this is something that even the most confident of people worry about! That’s why we have put together a few tips for how to deal with “I have no friends in college” situation.

Start with the Classroom

The most obvious place to start if you need to find new friends is in your classroom. Talk to your classmates – after all, you are doing the same course, so you must have at least one shared interest? A great way to make friends with classmates is to form a study group.

This is a win-win situation since you are going to have support when exams and assignments roll around plus you get the chance to get to know people better and perhaps form some deeper friendships. Assignments and exam prep are sure to give you something to bond over and if that isn’t the basis for a lasting friendship we don’t know what is! If you still haven’t chosen classes you are going to attend, consider the most fun classes.

How Do You End Up with No Friends in College?

As we have already noted, most people starting college will be coming to campus without their high school friends (you will miss them so much, won’t you?) However, there can be other reasons why college students find themselves without friends on campus.

• Perhaps you have transferred from another school mid-semester?
• Did you change your major and now have a totally different schedule to your former course mates?

It could even be that you just want to break away from your current social group due to differing goals or opinion. Whatever the reason for your limited social circle, there are plenty of ways to make new friends.

Join a Club or Society

If you have no friends in college as a sophomore, then it is time to put yourself out there and start meeting new people. One of the great things about college is that you will find a wide variety of extra-curricular clubs and societies. Think about what sort of activities you enjoy or subjects you would like to learn more about and see if there is a suitable club you can join.

This is going to give you direct access to people who share similar interests giving you a great foundation on which to build a friendship. It might take a few weeks to start fitting in to an existing group, but before long you will be inviting other members for coffee or other social activities.

Get to Know Others in Your Dorm

If you find yourself with no friends in college and you are staying on campus, then your dorms are a great place to start. Aside from your room-mate, make an effort to talk to others on your hall or even on other floors. It is common for dorms to hold social events in the common area from time to time, so make an effort to attend. Even if there are no scheduled events in your dorm you should make a point of spending time in the lounge, so you can meet others living in the building. Maybe you could even think about throwing a dorm party on your own?

Look for Friends in Library or Cafeteria

It is also important NOT to spend all of your time in the dorms. Make an effort to go out around campus. Study in the library instead of in your room. Eat your lunch outside on a nice day and strike up a conversation with others who are doing the same. You won’t make new friends if you don’t make the effort to get out and meet people. You can’t do that hiding away in your dorm!

Don’t Be Afraid to Look Off Campus

If you have no friends in college, don’t be afraid to try looking off campus. Check out local coffee shops, cafes and restaurants off campus and you might meet some cool people. You could also try volunteering somewhere or going to concerts and events off campus. You might be surprised how many people from college hang out in these places too – plus its good to get away from school from time to time!

Always Remember You Are Not Alone

It can feel like you are the only person on campus who has no friends in college, but the truth is that you are not alone. Even although it seems like everyone else is having a blast surrounded by great friends, you are certainly not the only one struggling with socializing. Never forget that it is perfectly natural to feel out of place in a new environment.

Remember that:

Others are in the same boat and are nervous about finding new friends at college too.

Try not to make such a big deal out of finding new friends. Just take the time to go out and have fun, meet new people and you will naturally start to build relationships with people. Don’t be scared to talk to people. Strike up a conversation and suggest hanging out together. Others feel as much nervous about finding new friends at college as you. All it takes is for one of you to make the first move.

If you need even more help with “not making friends in college,” you should also read our post on how not to be an outcast in college. In conclusion, there is no need to be too concerned about ending up being that one person with no friends in college. It is likely that you are going to find a much more diverse group of people on campus than you encountered at high school which is going to make it easier to find people you have something in common with. Take some time out to socialize and you will soon find some like-minded people to hang with.

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Friendship In College Essay

College represents something different to everyone. The student will be accountable for attending class, navigating around campus, and obtaining help when needed. When young people leave home for the academic world, they embark on a new journey that includes independence, adventure, and uncovering their individuality. Most students are not prepared for the trials of academe and end up feeling overwhelmed. College life can be a hard adjustment. “Stress and related conditions are growing increasingly common among college students” (Conwell 13). Students endure many different academic challenges in college, including not being academically prepared for higher learning and drinking alcohol. Acclimating to college life is often harder than expected. …show more content…

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Time To Stop Hooking Up Rhetorical Analysis

Time To Stop Hooking Up,” By Donna Freitas is a very interesting and relatable article to students in College. This article is very persuasive, as to many of the things the author points out are indeed true. It’s a must read article, and will easily catch your attention, it proposes how hooking up is the norm, there should be more dating involved, feelings of college students. Why is hooking up considered a regular thing in college?

College Binge Drinking Summary

Journal 5 The author, Sabrina Erdely, begins the article by expressing all of the ways college students spend their time on weekends, as well as most weeknights. All of the activities she listed had one thing in common: alcohol. Erdely then goes into detail describing just how important getting drunk on the weekends is to students. “The challenge to drink to the very limits of one’s endurance has become a celebrated staple of college life. In one of the most extreme reports on college drinking thus far, a 1997 Harvard School of Public Health study found that 43 percent of college students admitted to binge drinking in the proceeding two weeks.

Greek Life In Trouble

According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism on average almost 60% of college students will engage in drinking alcohol. (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism) This prevalence of underage drinking at college has given fraternities and sororities a very large reputation of being border line alcoholics. According to the Addiction Center 4 out of 5 fraternity and sorority members are binge drinkers compared to regular college students who average only 2 out of every 5. (Addiction Center)

Grade Inflation Gone Wild Rhetorical Analysis

He states, “Most college kids spend more time drinking than studying. And they still get mostly A’s” (1). In other words, college students are spending their time developing a habit of drinking versus studying or learning. He also argues that the only way to solve this issue is by “implementing policies or guidelines” (2). It has taken a lot of effort from faculty and students to get rid of grade inflation, but schools such as Wellesley College and Reed College have been successful.

Binge Drinking Sociology

Society has left an invisible impact on how we perceive the college lifestyle as a whole. This ranges from the belief that all students are sleep deprived from staying up too late to finish their homework. Also the sociological acceptance that college is the place to party and drink every single weekend. Theirs a sociological point of view and how society has played a key part in underage drinking being accepted in college towns. Not just limited to the effects of alcohol on a student’s wellbeing; also, the short term and long term conditions that can arise from binge drinking.

Argumentative Essay On College Drinking

Some might say that the use of alcohol is common place and nothing more than a stepping stone in the ritual of being a college student. The problem is the consequences of binge drinking and excessive drinking should not be accepted as “ritual” or common place. Some consequences are extremely problematic and not only impact the individual but have lasting consequences for the college environment in a global sense.

The Student Fear Factor Essay

Do you ever wonder what college students fears might be? Do you ever wonder what is going through their mind? In the article “The Student Fear Factor” by Rebecca Cox, it explains many different factors that a college student might be going through. The article gives many point of views from other students and what their thoughts about college was. There are some students who either are incoming high school students or are returning which can be a big fear for them the most because they don’t know what to expect from the campus vibe or even what their teacher can be like.

Deviant Drinking Drivers Essay

College students abusing alcohol. College students tend to engage in things that can put

Greek Life: Fraternities And Sororities

A study done through Journal of American College Health found out that “many students overestimate the amount of alcohol their peers consume, and start drinking to the imaginary drinking level” (Carter). Incidents due to misconceptions are common. According to Bloomberg News “more than 60 people have died in fraternity-related incidents” (Friedman). To avoid problems like this, the Greek life itself or advisors/directors can organize “talk sessions”.

Transition From High School To College Essay

List of challenges for students in their freshman year in college is remarkably long (see Clark, 2005). To name just a few, in their first year at college students must negotiate: a new level and kinds of academic demands (e.g., large lecture classes in huge auditoriums, large-scale projects rather than

Essay About Stress In College Students

It can be one of the best experiences in a person’s life, but it is a major adjustment from the life that most people live prior to it. With this adjustment comes many types of stress that a college student will face. Whether it is taking out a loan, trying to make my parents proud, or relearning how to make friends, there will always be some sort of stress that comes along with being a college student. The stress that the average college student will endure can seem to be overwhelming at times, but these stresses are part of the learning experience of college and overcoming them will teach us valuable lessons that will help us in whatever we

Essay On Challenges Facing College Students

Students face various challenges throughout their college career. Thus, the problems that students have can range from balance, new lifestyle, to financial problems. Therefore, finding a balance between being a student, possibly working, and keeping up with their social life is a necessity. Similarly, others are away from home for the first time thus, they have a new responsibility with being on their own and findings ways to deal with homesickness. Likewise, being exposed to new financial situations is yet another challenge college students will need to learn how to cope with.

Friendship Essay: The Meaning Of True Friendship

What do you think the meaning of true friendship is, maybe it 's knowing that you trust a certain person with any secret or physical object, somebody who would take a bullet for you, or maybe it 's somebody that you 've grown up with all your life. Everybody has their own definition of ¨true friendship.¨ I personally believe that true friendship is when two people can trust each other with just about anything, they let you succeed and fail on your own, but they always help you when it is most important. I dislike it when people say a true friend doesn 't ¨snitch¨ or lets you copy off their paper for test or more important assignment. This shows that they don 't see the other person as a friend, and more as a ¨get out of jail free¨ card. Some people would argue by saying that it shows the person’s willingness to help, but I believe that the only thing you’re helping them with is failing to prepare for responsibilities.

Essay On Academic Stress

Thus, stressors affecting students can be categorized as academic, financial, time or health related, and self- imposed (Goodman, 1993). Academic stressors include the student’s perception of the extensive knowledge base required and the perception of an inadequate time to develop it ((Carveth et al, 1996). Students report experiencing academic stress at predictable times each semester with the greatest sources of academic stress resulting from taking and studying for exams, grade competition, andthe large amount of content to master in a small amount of time (Abouserie, 1994). College students have many obstacles to overcome in order to achieve their optimal academic performance. It takes a lot more than just studying to achieve a successful college career.

More about Friendship In College Essay

Related topics.

• Communication
• Paralanguage
• Nonverbal communication
• Uncertainty reduction theory
• Metacommunicative competence
• Communication theory

Friendship: A Key Component in the Life and Longevity of College Learners

by Dr. Vivienne Friday, EdD, MSN, RN, CNE Program Director, ABSN, Goodwin University

Human beings are social animals, and friendship means having someone to rely on, listen to, or be there for in times of need. Friends desire what is best for one another and express mutual understanding and compassion. They reach out to each other for emotional support and can make mistakes without fear of judgment.

A lack of friends and social contact can bring on the emotional distress of loneliness, a cognitive awareness that affects our brain, produces feelings of sadness, emptiness, isolation, and erodes emotional well-being (Marano, 2016).

Something to look out for: the side effects of social isolation Even as restrictions begin to be lifted, the Coronavirus pandemic leaves an unfortunate legacy — as dangerous as alcoholism, obesity, or smoking. Social isolation and its side effects plague all corners of the continent — from cities to suburbs, including college campuses and virtual classrooms (Derbyshire, 2020). The fallout may be among the most significant risk factors leading to mortality. While educators typically express great concern if they know their students are using alcohol, they don’t seem to place the same significance on loneliness among students.

S ome of the daunting effects of social isolation can be offset by connecting with others. Friendships have the power to create a sense of community and to provide compassion and trust.

The struggle to connect in higher education environments Meeting a stranger and sensing something that may inspire you to invite them into your circle isn’t always easy. Students enter colleges and universities from diverse backgrounds and circumstances. Traditional-age learners start right out of high school; others may be experiencing transitions in their careers; still others enroll in higher education after raising a family. As they pursue their degrees, adjustments to new circumstances — struggling to make friends, finding their way in a new environment, integrating into classroom and campus cultures — can result in a shift in social connection.

Such shifts often result in a distancing from old friendships and needing to create new ones. A report by Fisher in 2012 showed that more than one in three exchange students reported having no close U.S. friends. Many students from abroad struggle to integrate into American classroom and campuses. Living away from one’s support system can leave students without a compassionate person to turn to for advice, leaving them lonely and socially disconnected in large learning group settings (Worsley, Harrison, & Corcoran, 2021). As social beings, we have a fundamental need to be included and to have close relationships; and such an absence can be unnatural for any individual.

Students may find it easier to develop friends in face-to-face learning environments than in the virtual or online settings brought about by the pandemic. With fewer contacts and less personal interaction, opportunities for new students to make friends or maintain existing friendships may be challenging. A survey of college students during the pandemic confirmed that 60% of students experienced loneliness and isolation (Covid-19 Impact, 2021).

Engaging students from experience As immigrants to the United States, my family and I began a new life in an unfamiliar world, having left friends and family behind. When I enrolled in a university to complete a Bachelor’s of Science in Nursing (BSN) degree, I became acutely aware of how difficult it was to form new friendships. Most students had already formed their circles through work or previous educational settings. Others communicated in subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) behaviors that outsiders were not welcome in their respective circles.

Since friendship is a reciprocal gesture, I took the initiative to reach out to individuals I observed to be similarly isolated and we formed friends that I still maintain today.

College is a unique and often once-in-a-lifetime experience and should be enjoyed to the fullest. Supportive interactions with peers can influence overall academic development, knowledge acquisition, and self-esteem. Having valuable college friendships during your undergraduate or graduate career can also result in improved social life, a successful, satisfying education, and sought-after career opportunities. Emotion plays a pivotal role in the educational experience. Faculty and staff can help students formulate friendships by creating a community culture — physically and virtually.

The benefits of bonding Postsecondary education professionals must ensure that students have inclusive spaces that are psychologically safe. Faculty and staff can also find solutions in togetherness — teaching the curricula as their authentic selves and inviting students to search within and support the same sentiments.

Encouraging educational experiences that foster friendships can include:

• Collaborating with others on group assignments
• Discussing opinions on course content with other students
• Socializing with someone from a different ethnic or racial group

A culture of friendship is fostered when students engage in activities that bring them together. Faculty can help students develop friendships by cultivating a culture of connection and modeling friendly behaviors such as:

• Identifying self to other students and allowing them to reciprocate
• Using open-ended questions to obtain information about each other while maintaining eye contact and smiling
• Assigning pairs or small groups to work on classroom projects to develop bonds with other students
• Acknowledging and celebrating everyday experiences such as birthdays to encourage social interaction
• Offering support during difficult circumstances and extending encouragement to each other

Connecting cohorts and classmates A culture of friendship can be fostered when faculty compliment students on admirable qualities and provide opportunities for students to acknowledge commendable attributes in others. Permitting students to complete guided peer evaluations of group projects creates an atmosphere to recognize peers’ strengths and realize the benefits of working in the group. Students can then develop friendships with group members if the interactions are positive.

Faculty can further enhance this process by guiding connectivity within the groups. For example, establish ground rules that support caring, respect for peers, a focus on the feelings and experiences of self and others, support for peers during group work or discussion, and the need to engage in healthy interaction that fosters learning. A supportive environment fosters a sense of belonging and community. Therefore, universities should ensure that students feel supported by staff and peers while acclimatizing to multiple new challenges (Worsley, Harrison, & Corcoran, 2021).

Friendship is essential for mental, physical, and social well-being. College students, especially those from abroad, may be friendless. However, if faculty, staff, and institutions implement these strategies to help students develop, meaningful friendships will form, and students will flourish in the higher education setting.

Goodwin University strives to provide social support to its community, including counseling. To learn more about these types services within our Student Affairs depart, visit www.goodwin.edu/counseling .

References Derbyshire, D. (2020). Loneliness is a killer: It’s as bad for your health as alcoholism, smoking and over-eating, say scientists. Retrieved from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1298225/Loneliness-killer-Its-bad-health-alcoholism-smoking-eating-say-scientists.html Fisher, K. (2012). Many foreign students are friendless in the U. S., study finds. Retrieved from http://chronicle.com/article/Many-Foreign-Students-Find/132275/ Marano, E. F. (2016). The dangers of loneliness. Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200307/the-dangers-loneliness Penn State Student Affairs. (2021), Part 1 of 5: COVID-19’s Impact on college student mental health. Center for Collegiate Mental Health. https://ccmh.psu.edu/index.php?option=com_dailyplanetblog&view=entry&year=2021&month=02&day=01&id=9:part-1-of-5-covid-19-s-impact-on-college-student-mental-health Wheeler, R. (2012). Student life in college: Things to know about college friendships. Retrieved from http://college.ezinemark.com/student-life-in-college-things-to-know-about-college-friendship-168392a2587.html Worsley, J. D., Harrison, P., & Corcoran, R. (2021). Bridging the gap: Exploring the unique transition from home, school or college into university. Front. Public Health 9:634285. doi: 10.3389/fpubh.2021.634285. https://doaj.org/article/3d6ac2536d69434db3c290d8475e5984?

Dr. Friday is an experienced nurse educator with a love for learning and a desire to master various new skills. She is passionate about the well-being of elderly populations. As a nurse educator for more than 15 years, she maintains a focus on the infusion of robust gerontological content and clinical practicum within the nursing curriculum. Dr. Friday has authored and taught gerontological nursing courses and seminars, and engaged students in service-learning projects with older adults.

Vivienne is committed to educating nurses to be more competent caregivers to older adults. This commitment has resulted in scholarly publications and conference presentations at Education Summits of the National League for Nursing (2013 & 214) and the International Council of Nurses (ICN) Congress, 2016. She earned the National League for Nursing Hearst Foundations Excellence in Geriatric Education Award in 2013. Dr. Friday’s was also a contributing author of teaching strategies in the National League for Nursing’s publication Advancing Care Excellence for Seniors (2016).

Dr. Friday volunteered with the Area Agency in Council Bluffs, Iowa, as a member of the fundraising committee and at the Eastern Nebraska Agency for Aging as a Senior Medicare Patrol agent. She is a current member of the Connecticut Nurses’ Association (CNA) Government Relations Committee, an Advisory Board member for the Connecticut League for Nursing (CLN), and the Southwestern Connecticut Agency on Aging (AWCAA) Inc. Dr. Friday serves on the Advisory Council of the National Education Progression in Nursing (NEPIN) and is a member of a special interest group that focuses on diversity, inclusion, and equity in nursing.

As we navigate COVID-19, College Possible is committed to supporting our staff and students. Get resources and news updates regarding COVID-19 to assist students and their families during this unprecedented time of hardship and crisis. View Resources

Making friends in college

• December 9, 2020

This article was written by College Possible Texas (formerly College Forward) student, Suetondy Reh, in July 2020. Suetondy is currently obtaining a BBA in Finance at Texas State University . 

Going to college can bring a lot of excitement. However, you may be worried about how to meet friends, where to meet new friends, whether they will pass or fail, homesickness, or even take responsibility in their new home. The most terrible feeling for me is the fear of having no friends in college. Making friends in college or meeting new people requires vital skills. You must have an open mind and realistic expectations. For freshmen, the first few months may be challenging to reach out to others, but you should learn to accept society because friends can be the most reliable resource in your first year of college. It is important to make friends in college because the friends you make in college will be among the most unique relationships you will ever have! Some may last a lifetime. Friendships provide ample opportunities to stretch your wings, try new things, and live life a bit irresponsibly. Making friends is possible, even if you feel alone.

This is why many universities require their incoming students to live on campus. When students live on campus, they are more likely to get involved in an organization or team. Living with a roommate is one opportunity to make friends. Dormitories such as Texas State University often host entertainment activities, open to all residents, and provide free food and gifts! During my first year at Texas State University, I lived in Bobcat Village. Sometimes, I received email invitations inviting me to participate in an upcoming event such as a billiards tournament, ping pong games, cooking class, etc. These activities are fun and bring lots of joy to different people.

How to meet friends

It is totally normal to feel nervous when approaching new people. Therefore, here are  some tips  on how to make friends. First things first, i t is very important to be yourself. No matter what college you will be attending, there will be people who share similar interests and personalities as you do. Let your personality shine! Never be afraid of who you are. You will eventually find faithful friends. Next,  use your dorm to your advantage.  The dormitory is full of other first-year college students who have experienced similar experiences and are eager to make friends. Many dorms contain common lounges, and events are held to help newcomers meet other newcomers. Those who aren’t going to live on campus can also find friends by curtain events the school hosts like clubs and volunteering centers. So, make sure you seek these opportunities to make friends.

Last but not least,  be nice . Although it may be a long way to please or become a flattering person in college, it is essential to care about others around you. Sometimes things are not always what you want. If you’re going to stay with your friends for as long as possible, it is vital to remain calm. Try to agree with different opinions, because if you are too personal, small issues can become heavy.

Where to meet new friends

There are many great ways to make friends in college, but in fact, you are a lot better off if you are in the right place. The best places to make friends in college are dorms, study sessions, gyms, volunteering or just hanging out in public places. Take my experience as an example. My first week at Texas State was quite lonely. I wanted to meet new people in case I need help getting around the campus. Then I thought to myself, “I like playing soccer, why don’t I participate in intramural games after classes?” So, I went to the recreational center to find some friends. I eventually met many Texas State’s students with similar interests. That night, I made more than twenty friends because I went to the right place at the right time. If you are not into sports, you can definitely make friends through study sessions. For example, you must have something in common with your classmate. Join a learning course even though you don’t need it, or better yet, organize a learning course for yourself and your classmates. They will appreciate your efforts. This can also be a good way for everyone to learn and understand each other at the same time.

Why friends are important in college

In life, various people prefer different choices. One cannot force others to think the way they do. If you are antisocial or love being in crowded places, you may choose your path. For everyone,  friendship is important  to some extent. However, when you go to college, you can expand your knowledge on specific topics and as a person. Friends can be great resources to get around the campus.  Having more friends means having more knowledge of what’s around you.  When you apply for a job after graduation, the employers will ask you questions about the skills and knowledge base and the ability to work in a team. Eventually, you will have to work and get along with managers and supervisors. There are many forms to get along with people, one of them is friendship.

Things to do with friends in college

Making friends is hard; watching them graduate before you is even harder! For example, I met Akazin my first year at Texas State. He and I love to play soccer. I remember all the parties we attended, all the food we made together. He is my true friend. Sadly, he will be graduating and have to leave Texas State next semester, while I still have two more years. Sometimes friends will not always be there, enjoy every bit of friendship you have with them.

Here are some  fun things  to do with them in the meantime. You can learn to master more than just ramen. I like this one because it’s hilarious, and yeah, it’s true. Basic cooking skills are one of the most basic survival strategies. It is best to learn some skills from friends so that you can set off a storm in the dorm from time to time. Secondly, you can go on an impromptu road trip. This is a must while you are still young and have plenty of time. Participating in such a spontaneous trip will help you become a more efficient person, be wise to your friends, and get you out of your comfort zone.

Every campus is usually abuzz with parties. Team up with your friends and rush to a party! Remember to make friends at the party, and you will have an unforgettable experience for life. Although partying sounds good, it is always better to be safe and responsible while away from home. Another fun thing to do is volunteer together. Volunteering while in college can give you a much-needed boost for your self-confidence. You can typically connect with people that share your common interests while volunteering. And it’s a great way to recruit more people to your group of friends. Lastly, you can compete in a challenge together. It can be any challenge. Challenging one another is a great way to help each other grow. Don’t take my words for it! Go out and try it!

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What If I Don’t Have Anything Interesting To Write About In My College Essay?

What’s covered:, what makes for a good college essay, how to write a dazzling college essay, will your essay make or break your college application.

College applicants are constantly told that in order to be attractive to admissions committees they need to stand out—but how can you stand out when you live a pretty ordinary life? Lots of students worry that the events of their everyday life are too boring or clichéd to be the topic of a really good essay.

That being said, there’s no need to worry! Your college essay doesn’t need to be about an extraordinary experience you’ve had. Rather, it should depict you as extraordinary. “Uninteresting” topics actually make great college essays because the topic itself doesn’t carry the essay—the student’s individuality does.

Read on for tips on how to write a college essay about an “uninteresting” topic that still shows off your personality, values, interests, and writing skills.

The purpose of your college essay is to humanize yourself to admissions officers so that they can see the ‘real you’ behind the grades and test scores you’ve submitted.

Our article about awesome essay topics gives five structures for a good college essay (though there are many more!):

• A unique extracurricular activity or passion
• An activity or interest that contrasts heavily with your profile
• A seemingly insignificant moment that speaks to larger themes within your life
• Using an everyday experience or object as a metaphor to explore your life and personality
• An in-the-moment narrative that tells the story of an important moment in your life

As you might notice, only one of these essay topics references anything exciting, extraordinary, or unique. Set aside the idea that you need to write about something dramatic and unusual. Unusual experiences are not what is most important to admissions officers—rather, it’s important to position yourself as someone that an admissions officer would like to see at their university.

Some things that make for a bad college essay include:

• Not answering the prompt
• Stretching a prompt so that your answer doesn’t make sense
• Writing about a controversial issue, particularly in an irreverent way
• Showing prejudice
• Writing about a clichéd topic
• Writing about anything that advocates disrespect for authority—this can be anything from insulting a teacher to doing an illegal activity
• Assuming the opinions of your reader

Beyond these boundaries, you can pick any topic you want. It’s how you write about the topic that matters!

Read on for our advice on writing a compelling essay that offers a window into your personality and life experiences.

Our guidance for writing a dazzling essay about an “uninteresting” topic involves:

• Picking a value or fundamental truth about yourself that will humanize you to admissions officers and tell them something important about yourself
• Identifying an experience that exemplifies that value or fundamental truth
• Writing a thoughtful essay that uses your “uninteresting” experience to say something interesting about yourself

1. Get the Ball Rolling

There are many different practices you might find useful as you start brainstorming your college essay. These include freewriting, listing, outlines, and more. That said, don’t feel restricted by brainstorming exercises. Remember that they’re meant to start the process and get the juices flowing. Write down anything and everything that springs to mind—who knows what it could turn into?

Sometimes simple questions can open students up and reveal what is important to them. Here are some questions that might help you brainstorm:

• What’s the last news story you read and found interesting? This question can help you identify an issue that you are passionate about or a cause that matters a lot to you.
• What is your proudest accomplishment so far? What about it makes you feel proud? This question can reveal what you consider most important about yourself, which is likely something you find important in life.
• When have you been the most nervous, and why were you nervous? What was the outcome of the situation? This could be anything from an important performance to standing up for an issue you care about. People’s fears can be an indicator of what they value.
• What’s the most recent topic you researched on your own just for fun or self-improvement? Have you found yourself going down a rabbit hole of Wikipedia articles recently? Your interests are important to you and say a lot about you.
• What have you learned from the community you grew up in? What do you value about that community? Your individual history and family history are very important factors in who you are as a person.
• When have you most recently changed your mind about something important? If growth is important to you, admissions officers want to hear about it.

2. Pick Your Value

If you aren’t going to have a flashy topic, you need to make sure that you use your “uninteresting” topic to say something interesting about yourself. When the admissions officer finishes reading your essay, they should feel like they know you better than when they started reading. So what are you going to tell them about yourself?

Your value or fundamental truth about yourself doesn’t necessarily need to be positive, but neutral/negative values will probably need to be accompanied by self-aware reflection throughout your essay.

Values and fundamental truths can be things like:

• I have a growth mindset
• Family loyalty is very important to me
• Giving gifts that people will treasure is important to me
• I don’t like to be like everyone else
• Embarrassment is a major fear of mine
• I don’t like seeing others in pain
• I am super curious
• I always like to be busy
• I don’t like making mistakes
• Having fun is important to me
• I’m a people pleaser
• Self-care is important to me

3. Pick Your Experience

You will want to pick an anecdote, experience, or example that can serve as a channel through which you can communicate your value. Finding significance in a small incident can be incredibly compelling for your readers. On the other hand, you could explore the meaning of something that you do every day or every week. You can even simply muse on one relationship in your life that speaks to your value. Once you have chosen an experience, you have your topic!

Some “uninteresting” essay topics with interesting implications could be:

• Making dinner with my mom on Fridays allows me to see how matriarchal strength has been passed down in my family
• Volunteering at my local community center is how I take care of the natural caretaker in me
• Going to the mall with my best friend is important to me because choosing which stores to go into is structured spontaneity, and I need structured spontaneity
• Making cards for my friends’ birthdays started as a way to save money, but I really enjoy how it fuses technical and artistic abilities in a unique way
• Singing Disney show tunes in the car is when I feel most relaxed because people around me put a lot of pressure on me to grow up fast and sometimes I miss being a kid
• Going to the hospital to visit my uncle after his surgery was uncomfortable for me because I love others so strongly that it truly hurts me to see them in pain
• Sleeping with my same stuffed animal every night makes me feel safe, which is important to me because my sister’s health issues cause me anxiety and it’s nice to have something stable to rely on

Some final notes on choosing your essay topic:

• The topic you initially like the most may not be the one that allows you to write the best possible essay. Be open to trying something different.
• You don’t need to commit to a topic right away. If it becomes clear after you start outlining or writing that your initial plan isn’t going to work as well as you would like, there’s nothing wrong with altering your topic or starting over with a new topic.

If you still feel stuck, we recommend you take a look at the school-specific supplemental essay questions presented by the colleges to which you’re not applying. One of these prompts might spark an idea in your mind that would also be appropriate for the colleges to which you are applying. Check out the Essay Breakdown posts on the CollegeVine blog for a convenient way to look at this year’s essay questions from many different competitive schools.

4. Make Your Experience Shine

Once you’ve selected a topic, you’ll need to figure out how to develop an essay from it that is technically skillful, compelling to the reader, and true to the vision of yourself that you’re working to portray in your application. Remember, the value of your essay is much more in how you write about your experiences than it is in what experiences you write about.

To write a truly effective college essay, you’ll need to focus not just on depicting your chosen experience, but also on expressing your personal experience in an interesting manner. The experience is simply your scaffolding. The focus of your essay should be what that experience says about you—or what you make it say about you.

When writing about an “uninteresting” experience, you will want to be reflective, be self-aware, and show maturity in your view of your experience. Focus on communicating your thoughts and emotions in a way that evokes emotion in your reader and makes them feel connected to you.

Details are also important to pay attention to while writing your essay, as they’ll bring life and context to your story. Vivid and evocative details can turn your “uninteresting” experience into a relatable and interesting scene in your reader’s imagination.

With skillful writing, powerful word choice, and a good sense of how to develop a fragment of an idea into a longer piece of writing, you can make any topic—no matter how “uninteresting” it may seem—into a mature exploration of your values and a showcase of your skills as a communicator.

It depends . A brilliant essay can’t make up for severe deficiencies in your academic qualifications , but it will still have a significant impact, particularly at smaller and more competitive schools.

If you’re “on the bubble” for admissions, an essay that makes an admissions officer feel like they know you could give them a reason to accept your application. On the other hand, an essay that’s carelessly written, inappropriate, or full of technical errors will hurt your chances of admission, even if you have great qualifications.

If you finish your first draft of your essay and are still worried that your “uninteresting” topic will break your college application, we recommend that you get feedback. Sometimes it can really help to have someone else determine whether or not your voice is shining through in your work. Feedback is ultimately any writer’s best source of improvement!

To get your college essay edited for free and improve your chances of acceptance at your dream schools, use our Peer Review Essay Tool . With this tool, other students will tell you if your essay effectively humanizes you.

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The college essay is a pivotal piece of the college application showcasing your individuality and differentiated outlook to admissions officers. What makes an essay truly shine? Let’s dive into the words behind three standout essays highlighted by university websites and a school newspaper's brand studio so you can get into the right mindset for crafting your own narrative.

Embracing Differences: Finding Strength In Uniqueness

Essay Excerpt: ‘Bra Shopping ’ (Harvard)

Featured by the Harvard Crimson Brand Studio , Orlee's essay recounts a student's humorous and insightful experience of bra shopping with her grandmother, weaving in her unique family dynamics and challenges at her prestigious school.

What Works:

• Humor and Honesty: The student's humor makes the essay enjoyable to read, while her honesty about her challenges adds depth.
• Self-Awareness: She demonstrates a strong sense of self-awareness, embracing her uniqueness rather than trying to fit in.
• Resilience: Her narrative highlights resilience and the ability to find strength in differences.

For Your Essay : To write an essay that embraces your uniqueness, start by identifying a quirky or challenging experience that reflects who a key insight into your experience. Think about how this experience has shaped your perspective and character. Use humor and honesty to bring your story to life, and focus on how you have embraced your differences to become stronger and more resilient.

Best High-Yield Savings Accounts Of 2024

Best 5% interest savings accounts of 2024, finding connections: humor and self-reflection.

Essay: ‘Brood X Cicadas ’ (Hamilton College)

As an example on Hamilton's admissions website, Nicholas writes about the cicadas swarming his hometown every 17 years and draws a parallel between their emergence and his own transition to college life. He uses humor and self-reflection to create a relatable and engaging narrative.

• Humor: Nicholas uses humor to make his essay entertaining and memorable. His witty comparisons between himself and cicadas add a unique twist.
• Self-Reflection: By comparing his life to the cicadas’, he reflects on his own growth and readiness for change.
• Relatability: His narrative about facing new experiences and challenges resonates with readers who have undergone similar transitions.

For Your Essay: To infuse humor and self-reflection into your essay, start by identifying an ordinary experience or object and think about how it relates to your life. Write down funny or insightful observations about this connection. Use humor to make your essay more engaging, but ensure it still conveys meaningful self-reflection. This balance can make your essay both entertaining and profound.

Persistence and Multicultural Identity: Life Lessons From Tortilla Making

Essay: ‘ Facing The Hot Griddle ’ (Johns Hopkins University)

In this essay published by Hopkins Insider, Rocio uses the process of making tortillas to explore her multicultural identity and the challenges she has faced. Her story beautifully weaves together her Guatemalan heritage and her experiences growing up in the United States.

• Metaphor and Symbolism: The process of making tortillas becomes a powerful metaphor for the student’s journey and struggles. The symbolism of the masa harina and water mixing parallels her blending of cultural identities.
• Personal Growth: The essay highlights her perseverance and adaptability, qualities that are crucial for success in college.
• Cultural Insight: She provides a rich, personal insight into her multicultural background, making her story unique and compelling.

For Your Essay: To write an essay that explores your identity through a metaphor, start by thinking about an activity or tradition that holds significant meaning for you. Consider how this activity relates to your life experiences and personal growth. Use detailed descriptions to bring the activity to life and draw connections between the process and your own journey. Reflect on the lessons you've learned and how they've shaped your identity.

A winning college essay isn’t simply about parading your best accomplishment or dramatizing your challenges. It’s not a contest for which student is the most original or entertaining. Rather, the essay is a chance for you to showcase your authenticity, passion, resilience, social awareness, and intellectual vitality . By sharing genuine stories and insights, you can create an essay that resonates with admissions committees and highlights your unique qualities.

For you to have the best possible essay, mindset is key. Here’s how to get into the zone:

• Reflect Deeply: Spend time thinking about your experiences, challenges, and passions. Journaling can help you uncover deep insights.
• Discuss and Share: Talking about your stories with friends, family, or mentors can provide new perspectives and emotional clarity.
• Immerse Yourself: Engage in activities that you are passionate about to reignite the feelings and memories associated with them.
• Draft Freely: Don’t worry about perfection on the first try. Write freely and honestly, then refine your narrative.

The secret to a standout college essay lies in its authenticity, depth, and emotional resonance. By learning from these successful examples and getting into the right mindset, you can craft an essay that not only stands out but also provides a meaningful insight into who you are. Remember, your essay is your story—make it a piece of writing that you will always be proud of.

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• College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn’t

College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn't

Published on November 8, 2021 by Kirsten Courault . Revised on August 14, 2023.

One effective method for improving your college essay is to read example essays . Here are three sample essays, each with a bad and good version to help you improve your own essay.

Table of contents

Essay 1: sharing an identity or background through a montage, essay 2: overcoming a challenge, a sports injury narrative, essay 3: showing the influence of an important person or thing, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

This essay uses a montage structure to show snapshots of a student’s identity and background. The writer builds her essay around the theme of the five senses, sharing memories she associates with sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.

In the weak rough draft, there is little connection between the individual anecdotes, and they do not robustly demonstrate the student’s qualities.

In the final version, the student uses an extended metaphor of a museum to create a strong connection among her stories, each showcasing a different part of her identity. She draws a specific personal insight from each memory and uses the stories to demonstrate her qualities and values.

How My Five Senses Record My Life

Throughout my life, I have kept a record of my life’s journey with my five senses. This collection of memories matters a great deal because I experience life every day through the lens of my identity.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

My classmate pulls one eye up and the other down.

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention to my discomfort, anger, and shame. How could he say such a mean thing about me? What did I do to him? Joseph’s words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Soaking in overflowing bubble baths with Andrew Lloyd Webber belting from the boombox.

Listening to “Cell Block Tango” with my grandparents while eating filet mignon at a dine-in show in Ashland.

Singing “The Worst Pies in London” at a Korean karaoke club while laughing hysterically with my brother, who can do an eerily spot-on rendition of Sweeney Todd.

Taking car rides with Mom in the Toyota Sequoia as we compete to hit the high note in “Think of Me” from The Phantom of the Opera . Neither of us stands a chance!

The sweet scent of vegetables, Chinese noodles, and sushi wafts through the room as we sit around the table. My grandma presents a good-smelling mixture of international cuisine for our Thanksgiving feast. My favorite is the Chinese food that she cooks. Only the family prayer stands between me and the chance to indulge in these delicious morsels, comforting me with their familiar savory scents.

I rinse a faded plastic plate decorated by my younger sister at the Waterworks Art Center. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. I actually don’t mind this daily chore.

I taste sweat on my upper lip as I fight to continue pedaling on a stationary bike. Ava’s next to me and tells me to go up a level. We’re biking buddies, dieting buddies, and Saturday morning carbo-load buddies. After the bike display hits 30 minutes, we do a five-minute cool down, drink Gatorade, and put our legs up to rest.

My five senses are always gathering new memories of my identity. I’m excited to expand my collection.

Word count: 455

College essay checklist

Topic and structure

• I’ve selected a topic that’s meaningful to me.
• My essay reveals something different from the rest of my application.
• I have a clear and well-structured narrative.
• I’ve concluded with an insight or a creative ending.

Writing style and tone

• I’ve crafted an introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.
• I’ve written my essay in a way that shows instead of tells.
• I’ve used appropriate style and tone for a college essay.
• I’ve used specific, vivid personal stories that would be hard to replicate.
• I’ve demonstrated my positive traits and values in my essay.
• My essay is focused on me, not another person or thing.
• I’ve included self-reflection and insight in my essay.
• I’ve respected the word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

Making Sense of My Identity

Welcome to The Rose Arimoto Museum. You are about to enter the “Making Sense of My Identity” collection. Allow me to guide you through select exhibits, carefully curated memories from Rose’s sensory experiences.

First, the Sight Exhibit.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention as my lip trembles and palms sweat. Joseph couldn’t have known how his words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Ten years later, these same eyes now fixate on an InDesign layout sheet, searching for grammar errors while my friend Selena proofreads our feature piece on racial discrimination in our hometown. As we’re the school newspaper editors, our journalism teacher Ms. Riley allows us to stay until midnight to meet tomorrow’s deadline. She commends our work ethic, which for me is fueled by writing一my new weapon of choice.

Next, you’ll encounter the Sound Exhibit.

Still, the world is my Broadway as I find my voice on stage.

Just below, enter the Smell Exhibit.

While I help my Pau Pau prepare dinner, she divulges her recipe for cha siu bau, with its soft, pillowy white exterior hiding the fragrant filling of braised barbecue pork inside. The sweet scent of candied yams, fun see , and Spam musubi wafts through the room as we gather around our Thankgsiving feast. After our family prayer, we indulge in these delicious morsels until our bellies say stop. These savory scents of my family’s cultural heritage linger long after I’ve finished the last bite.

Next up, the Touch Exhibit.

I rinse a handmade mug that I had painstakingly molded and painted in ceramics class. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. For a few fleeting moments, as I continue my nightly chore, the pressure of my weekend job, tomorrow’s calculus exam, and next week’s track meet are washed away.

Finally, we end with the Taste Exhibit.

My legs fight to keep pace with the stationary bike as the salty taste of sweat seeps into corners of my mouth. Ava challenges me to take it up a level. We always train together一even keeping each other accountable on our strict protein diet of chicken breasts, broccoli, and Muscle Milk. We occasionally splurge on Saturday mornings after interval training, relishing the decadence of everything bagels smeared with raspberry walnut cream cheese. But this is Wednesday, so I push myself. I know that once the digital display hits 30:00, we’ll allow our legs to relax into a five-minute cool down, followed by the fiery tang of Fruit Punch Gatorade to rehydrate.

Thank you for your attention. This completes our tour. I invite you to rejoin us for next fall’s College Experience collection, which will exhibit Rose’s continual search for identity and learning.

Word count: 649

• I’ve crafted an essay introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.

Prevent plagiarism. Run a free check.

This essay uses a narrative structure to recount how a student overcame a challenge, specifically a sports injury. Since this topic is often overused, the essay requires vivid description, a memorable introduction and conclusion , and interesting insight.

The weak rough draft contains an interesting narrative, insight, and vivid imagery, but it has an overly formal tone that distracts the reader from the story. The student’s use of elaborate vocabulary in every sentence makes the essay sound inauthentic and stilted.

The final essay uses a more natural, conversational tone and chooses words that are vivid and specific without being pretentious. This allows the reader to focus on the narrative and appreciate the student’s unique insight.

One fateful evening some months ago, a defensive linebacker mauled me, his 212 pounds indisputably alighting upon my ankle. Ergo, an abhorrent cracking of calcified tissue. At first light the next day, I awoke cognizant of a new paradigm—one sans football—promulgated by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

It’s been an exceedingly taxing semester not being able to engage in football, but I am nonetheless excelling in school. That twist of fate never would have come to pass if I hadn’t broken my ankle. I still limp down the halls at school, but I’m feeling less maudlin these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, emboldened by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

Five months ago, right after my ill-fated injury, my friends’ demeanor became icy and remote, although I couldn’t fathom why. My teachers, in contrast, beckoned me close and invited me on a new learning journey. But despite their indubitably kind advances, even they recoiled when I drew near.

A few weeks later, I started to change my attitude vis-à-vis my newfound situation and determined to put my energy toward productive ends (i.e., homework). I wasn’t enamored with school. I never had been. Nevertheless, I didn’t abhor it either. I just preferred football.

My true turn of fate came when I started studying more and participating in class. I started to enjoy history class, and I grew interested in reading more. I discovered a volume of poems written by a fellow adventurer on the road of life, and I loved it. I ravenously devoured everything in the writer’s oeuvre .

As the weeks flitted past, I found myself spending my time with a group of people who were quite different from me. They participated in theater and played instruments in marching band. They raised their hands in class when the teacher posed a question. Because of their auspicious influence, I started raising my hand too. I am no longer vapid, and I now have something to say.

I am certain that your school would benefit from my miraculous academic transformation, and I entreat you to consider my application to your fine institution. Accepting me to your university would be an unequivocally righteous decision.

Word count: 408

• I’ve chosen a college essay topic that’s meaningful to me.
• I’ve respected the essay word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

As I step out of bed, the pain shoots through my foot and up my leg like it has every morning since “the game.” That night, a defensive linebacker tackled me, his 212 pounds landing decidedly on my ankle. I heard the sound before I felt it. The next morning, I awoke to a new reality—one without football—announced by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

My broken ankle broke my spirit.

My friends steered clear of me as I hobbled down the halls at school. My teachers tried to find the delicate balance between giving me space and offering me help. I was as unsure how to deal with myself as they were.

In time, I figured out how to redirect some of my frustration, anger, and pent-up energy toward my studies. I had never not liked school, but I had never really liked it either. In my mind, football practice was my real-life classroom, where I could learn all I ever needed to know.

Then there was that day in Mrs. Brady’s history class. We sang a ridiculous-sounding mnemonic song to memorize all the Chinese dynasties from Shang to Qing. I mumbled the words at first, but I got caught up in the middle of the laughter and began singing along. Starting that day, I began browsing YouTube videos about history, curious to learn more. I had started learning something new, and, to my surprise, I liked it.

With my afternoons free from burpees and scrimmages, I dared to crack open a few more of my books to see what was in them. That’s when my English poetry book, Paint Me Like I Am , caught my attention. It was full of poems written by students my age from WritersCorps. I couldn’t get enough.

I wasn’t the only one who was taken with the poems. Previously, I’d only been vaguely aware of Christina as one of the weird kids I avoided. Crammed in the margins of her high-top Chuck Taylors were scribbled lines of her own poetry and infinite doodles. Beyond her punk rock persona was a sensitive artist, puppy-lover, and environmental activist that a wide receiver like me would have never noticed before.

With Christina, I started making friends with people who once would have been invisible to me: drama geeks, teachers’ pets, band nerds. Most were college bound but not to play a sport. They were smart and talented, and they cared about people and politics and all sorts of issues that I hadn’t considered before. Strangely, they also seemed to care about me.

I still limp down the halls at school, but I don’t seem to mind as much these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, excited by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

My broken ankle broke my spirit. Then, it broke my ignorance.

Word count: 512

This essay uses a narrative structure to show how a pet positively influenced the student’s values and character.

In the weak draft, the student doesn’t focus on himself, instead delving into too much detail about his dog’s positive traits and his grandma’s illness. The essay’s structure is meandering, with tangents and details that don’t communicate any specific insight.

In the improved version, the student keeps the focus on himself, not his pet. He chooses the most relevant stories to demonstrate specific qualities, and the structure more clearly builds up to an insightful conclusion.

Man’s Best Friend

I desperately wanted a cat. I begged my parents for one, but once again, my sisters overruled me, so we drove up the Thompson Valley Canyon from Loveland to Estes Park to meet our newest family member. My sisters had already hatched their master plan, complete with a Finding Nemo blanket to entice the pups. The blanket was a hit with all of them, except for one—the one who walked over and sat in my lap. That was the day that Francisco became a Villanova.

Maybe I should say he was mine because I got stuck with all the chores. As expected, my dog-loving sisters were nowhere to be found! My mom was “extra” with all the doggy gear. Cisco even had to wear these silly little puppy shoes outside so that when he came back in, he wouldn’t get the carpets dirty. If it was raining, my mother insisted I dress Cisco in a ridiculous yellow raincoat, but, in my opinion, it was an unnecessary source of humiliation for poor Cisco. It didn’t take long for Cisco to decide that his outerwear could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I took off one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his ensemble more when we had to walk through snowdrifts to get his job done.

When my abuela was dying from cancer, we went in the middle of the night to see her before she passed. I was sad and scared. But, my dad let me take Cisco in the car, so Cisco cuddled with me and made me feel much better. It’s like he could read my mind. Once we arrived at the hospital, the fluorescent lighting made the entire scene seem unreal, as if I was watching the scene unfold through someone else’s eyes. My grandma lay calmly on her bed, smiling at us even through her last moments of pain. I disliked seeing the tubes and machines hooked up to her. It was unnatural to see her like this一it was so unlike the way I usually saw her beautiful in her flowery dress, whistling a Billie Holiday tune and baking snickerdoodle cookies in the kitchen. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained at the foot of the bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that seemed more effective at communicating comfort and compassion than the rest of us who attempted to offer up words of comfort that just seemed hollow and insincere. It was then that I truly appreciated Cisco’s empathy for others.

As I accompanied my dad to pick up our dry cleaner’s from Ms. Chapman, a family friend asked, “How’s Cisco?” before even asking about my sisters or me. Cisco is the Villanova family mascot, a Goldendoodle better recognized by strangers throughout Loveland than the individual members of my family.

On our summer trip to Boyd Lake State Park, we stayed at the Cottonwood campground for a breathtaking view of the lake. Cisco was allowed to come, but we had to keep him on a leash at all times. After a satisfying meal of fish, our entire family walked along the beach. Cisco and I led the way while my mom and sisters shuffled behind. Cisco always stopped and refused to move, looking back to make sure the others were still following. Once satisfied that everyone was together, he would turn back around and continue prancing with his golden boy curly locks waving in the chilly wind.

On the beach, Cisco “accidentally” got let off his leash and went running maniacally around the sand, unfettered and free. His pure joy as he raced through the sand made me forget about my AP Chem exam or my student council responsibilities. He brings a smile not only to my family members but everyone around him.

Cisco won’t live forever, but without words, he has impressed upon me life lessons of responsibility, compassion, loyalty, and joy. I can’t imagine life without him.

Word count: 701

I quickly figured out that as “the chosen one,” I had been enlisted by Cisco to oversee all aspects of his “business.” I learned to put on Cisco’s doggie shoes to keep the carpet clean before taking him out一no matter the weather. Soon after, Cisco decided that his shoes could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I removed one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his footwear more after I’d gear him up and we’d tread through the snow for his daily walks.

One morning, it was 7:15 a.m., and Alejandro was late again to pick me up. “Cisco, you don’t think he overslept again, do you?” Cisco barked, as if saying, “Of course he did!” A text message would never do, so I called his dad, even if it was going to get him in trouble. There was no use in both of us getting another tardy during our first-period class, especially since I was ready on time after taking Cisco for his morning outing. Alejandro was mad at me but not too much. He knew I had helped him out, even if he had to endure his dad’s lecture on punctuality.

Another early morning, I heard my sister yell, “Mom! Where are my good ballet flats? I can’t find them anywhere!” I hesitated and then confessed, “I moved them.” She shrieked at me in disbelief, but I continued, “I put them in your closet, so Cisco wouldn’t chew them up.” More disbelief. However, this time, there was silence instead of shrieking.

Last spring, Cisco and I were fast asleep when the phone rang at midnight. Abuela would not make it through the night after a long year of chemo, but she was in Pueblo, almost three hours away. Sitting next to me for that long car ride on I-25 in pitch-black darkness, Cisco knew exactly what I needed and snuggled right next to me as I petted his coat in a rhythm while tears streamed down my face. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained sitting at the foot of the hospital bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that communicated more comfort than our hollow words. Since then, whenever I sense someone is upset, I sit in silence with them or listen to their words, just like Cisco did.

The other day, one of my friends told me, “You’re a strange one, Josue. You’re not like everybody else but in a good way.” I didn’t know what he meant at first. “You know, you’re super responsible and grown-up. You look out for us instead of yourself. Nobody else does that.” I was a bit surprised because I wasn’t trying to do anything different. I was just being me. But then I realized who had taught me: a fluffy little puppy who I had wished was a cat! I didn’t choose Cisco, but he certainly chose me and, unexpectedly, became my teacher, mentor, and friend.

Word count: 617

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

• Writing process
• Transition words
• Passive voice
• Paraphrasing

 Communication

• How to end an email
• Ms, mrs, miss
• How to start an email
• I hope this email finds you well
• Hope you are doing well

 Parts of speech

• Personal pronouns
• Conjunctions

A standout college essay has several key ingredients:

• A unique, personally meaningful topic
• A memorable introduction with vivid imagery or an intriguing hook
• Specific stories and language that show instead of telling
• Vulnerability that’s authentic but not aimed at soliciting sympathy
• Clear writing in an appropriate style and tone
• A conclusion that offers deep insight or a creative ending

There are no set rules for how to structure a college application essay , but these are two common structures that work:

• A montage structure, a series of vignettes with a common theme.
• A narrative structure, a single story that shows your personal growth or how you overcame a challenge.

Avoid the five-paragraph essay structure that you learned in high school.

Though admissions officers are interested in hearing your story, they’re also interested in how you tell it. An exceptionally written essay will differentiate you from other applicants, meaning that admissions officers will spend more time reading it.

You can use literary devices to catch your reader’s attention and enrich your storytelling; however, focus on using just a few devices well, rather than trying to use as many as possible.

Most importantly, your essay should be about you , not another person or thing. An insightful college admissions essay requires deep self-reflection, authenticity, and a balance between confidence and vulnerability.

Your essay shouldn’t be a résumé of your experiences but instead should tell a story that demonstrates your most important values and qualities.

When revising your college essay , first check for big-picture issues regarding message, flow, tone, style , and clarity. Then, focus on eliminating grammar and punctuation errors.

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It’s Lonely In College: How I Survived & Dealt With My Loneliness

Physically, I had pushed myself way beyond my limits — I was still figuring out how to manage my disability at the time — and that only fueled my feelings of loneliness.

Sure, I’d gotten into the college I had always dreamed of attending, but being prepared academically didn’t mean I was prepared emotionally.

After changing into some dry clothes and hanging up the phone after tearfully begging my mom to pick me up — I’m thankful now that she didn’t — I opened my door.

What Is College Loneliness And Why Does It Occur?

When I was in college, I wouldn’t have guessed that so many other people felt as lonely as I did.

When talking to current college students or recent college graduates, I was surprised at how familiar their stories of loneliness felt to me.

She tells me: “The years I spent working toward my bachelor’s degree were the most lonely. I felt isolated, depressed, and angry.”

When Are College Students Most Likely To Experience Loneliness?

Transitioning from high school to college.

Graduating high school is such a thrilling experience for so many students, especially for those attending college a few short months later.

Most students are so focused on what lies ahead, however, that they don’t realize what a major transition they are about to experience.

When telling one of my new acquaintances that I was going home, he asked, “Why? This is your home now.”

“I had to learn to not only be good at school and extracurriculars, but I also had to be good at balancing running errands, making dinner, and providing for myself. It was a fun transition, but it took time and a lot of practice before I figured out how to actually balance and manage everything.”

Deciding Your Major Or Deciding To Change Majors Or Schools

“During my first year of college, I felt really anxious because the engineering classes I was taking were extremely difficult, and it seemed like it took nearly every hour of every day just to stay afloat.

“I loved every class I took and wanted to do [everything],” Lindsey explains to me. “It was really hard deciding, especially because once I started my junior year, there was no more switching [majors].”

“My biggest concern [when transferring schools] was that I wouldn’t make any friends. I’m a stereotypical English major, shy and at least a little awkward, so making new friends has never been my strong suit.

Having No Friends In College

Sara, who attended Portland State University, said that she struggled to make new connections when she was working towards her bachelor’s degree — and the people she did befriend didn’t stick around.

For introverted students like myself, making friends can be even more difficult. Crowded, loud parties never really appealed to me, and with limited energy, it was hard to make connections.

“I have found with my patients that loneliness can present itself in a lot of different ways,” he explains to me.

How Do College Students Overcome And Cope With Loneliness?

As common as loneliness is for people throughout college, it’s important for all students to learn how to cope.

Connect With Others

“I worked all the way through my college years, so I was able to meet and connect with fellow employees. One of them is my current roommate, and the other is still a close friend to this day.

As a college student, I found that making a point to talk to my friends and spending time with others made a huge difference in my overall well-being.

Even if I felt tired or anxious and wasn’t sure if I wanted to spend time with others, it was rare that I ever regretted taking the chance to socialize.

Be Aware Of Potential Symptoms Of Mental Illness And Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help

Whenever I talk to college students now, I make sure to recommend that students take advantage of the resources they have and talk to counselors, friends, and family if they are feeling sad or anxious, or dealing with depression-related loneliness .

“Since feelings of loneliness often occur along with symptoms like anxiety and depression, it is important to weigh whether or not they experience these feelings persistently, in certain situations, or across all settings.”

Know That You’re Not The Only One Who Is Lonely

Kaila, a friend of mine from college, agrees that realizing how normal loneliness is for college students can be reassuring.

Closing Thoughts

As a college student, you will have days when you’re excited to learn and feel surrounded by people who care about you.

On days when you feel lonely, know that even if everyone around you seems as if they’re fitting in and adjusting easily, you’re not the only person who is lonely.

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What the Research Says About the Academic Power of Friendship

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For years, education research focused on time-on-task as a measure of effective instruction, says Scott Gest , a professor at the University of Virginia. Through that lens, friends in elementary school appeared to be a negative, an impediment to focus and a catalyst for disruption. Even when the value of strong social ties gained recognition, friendships stood to the side conceptually, as developmentally important but not germane to academics. Yet recent research has confirmed two things many teachers have long believed to be true. First, social-emotional benefits and academic ones don’t operate in isolation . Second, friendships in elementary school can be harnessed to drive academic growth.

Students with no friends “receive lower grades and are less academically engaged compared to those with even just one friend,” reported Jaana Juvonen , a psychology professor at UCLA, and her colleagues  in a 2019 issue of the journal Educational Psychologist.   This is a point that bears repeating, says Florida Atlantic University’s Brett Laursen , editor in chief of the International Journal of Behavioral Development : “There is a massive gap between being friended and friendless,” he says, and “studies that are as close to causation as you can get” show that becoming friendless produces a meaningful decline in mental health. Research has also tied friendlessness and exclusion to truancy, susceptibility to peer pressure, inability to focus, deficits in working memory, and lack of classroom participation.

On the flip side, friends can make mundane tasks more fun, reports Lydia Denworth in Friendship . Her 2020 book catalogues research on the many benefits of “life’s fundamental bond.” For example, when they smell familiar fish, zebrafish show reduced levels of fear, a fact that seems cool but irrelevant until you learn that a 2011 study of humans showed that “having a best friend present during an experience significantly buffered any negative feelings, lowering cortisol and boosting a sense of self-worth.” Another found that talking to supportive friends after a stressful incident increases the speed with which cortisol levels revert to normal. This buffering effect appears to insulate kids from both social and academic missteps by shifting their inner narrative in the face of failure from “there’s something wrong with me” to a more resilient response. 

In one study , adolescents working together took part in more exploratory behavior, learned faster, and completed tasks better than they did working alone. In another , Laursen and his colleagues arranged for pairs of students to be taught a new programming language. Kids were asked how they felt about their partner multiple times. “How much I thought that you were my friend,” he says, “predicted how much I learned in that classroom.” Taken together, the evidence suggests that with a friend on hand, a child’s tolerance for novelty and intellectual stretching tends to increase, while without one, engagement tends to decrease.

How do educators both promote this type of bond and exploit its academic power? 

Gest, who is chair of human services at the Curry School of Education and Human Development, says, “There is a long tradition of informal guidance on how to think about group dynamics in the classroom, but relatively little empirical research to back up particular strategies.” That said, some things are known. There are four big impediments to friendship formation in school: lack of contact, competition, unequal status, and surface-level homophily (a.k.a., “birds of a feather flock together”). Each of these factors can prevent relationships from blossoming, particularly across gender, racial, and other divides. For each of the four roadblocks, teachers wield at least one not-so-secret weapon.

But before getting to solutions, says Barbara Stengel , a professor emerita at Vanderbilt University, who focuses on the philosophy of education, it’s important to think about what friendship really means in a classroom. Aristotle divided the concept into three categories : friendships of utility based on mutual benefit, friendships of pleasure that usually center around a shared interest, and friendships of virtue, the kind with deeper, longer lasting mutual appreciation. When we think of a friend, most of us picture that last sort, the one we can confide in and count on, but the other two types can also make children feel “seen and encouraged,” Stengel says, producing many of the desired academic benefits.

Encouraging contact

Lack of contact obviously inhibits friendship formation. On the flip side, physical proximity can reduce negative perceptions of a peer. Teachers and administrators often don’t have control over the biggest piece of this puzzle —the makeup of their student body—but they can manipulate contact between the kids they do have. For starters, Juvonen says, teachers and administrators should consider keeping friends together when assigning classes. Schoolwide “house” programs that produce stable cohorts have also shown potential.

Within classes, seating arrangements most directly impact proximity. When children who did not like each other were seated close together for several weeks in one study , their likeability ratings increased. Perhaps they formed Aristotle’s friendships of pleasure, because they were made aware of common interests (comic books!) or maybe the students formed friendships of utility, since whisperings and wisecracks require a set of ears.

Students who dislike one another should not , however, be paired for peer-assisted learning. Most commonly in pairs, peer-assisted learning has been shown to improve the standing of students with learning disabilities and help shy children befriend peers. In choosing dyads, professors Lynn and Douglas Fuchs suggest different strategies for reading and math , both of which involve splitting the class into a top half and a bottom half by current skill level and then choosing one student from each block. But Juvonen says teachers would do well to make these matches with pre-existing friendships and common interests in mind as well, and at least one study backs her up (there, how much partners liked each other predicted how well they learned). 

Peer-assisted learning does not, unfortunately, seem to be “sufficient to improve the social integration of children who have behavior issues or whose negative reputation is deeply entrenched,” says Éric Dion , a professor at the University of Quebec at Montreal.

Fostering cooperati ve learning

Another type of grouping shows promise for that though. By doing away with competition, cooperative learning boosts learning and decreases problematic behaviors, says Cary Roseth , chair of the Department of Counseling, Educational Psychology and Special Education at Michigan State University. It requires establishing positive interdependence , meaning “individuals can attain their goals if (and only if) others in their group also reach their goals,” Roseth has written.

Teachers may require a single finished product from a group (goal interdependence) or may offer a reward to the group if everyone achieves above a certain threshold (reward interdependence). Members of the group can be issued different materials that the group must share to complete the lesson (resource interdependence), or each member of the group could be assigned a different role to play (role interdependence). The group may have its own name (identity interdependence), or each group member may have to complete a different step in a task, like on an assembly line (task interdependence).

When teachers carefully create and scaffold small groups, an expectation that a group member will cooperate arises, and that produces liking. If one group member perceives another as attempting to promote their success, that also promotes liking, even if they ultimately fail . A positive feedback loop results: “The more students work cooperatively to learn, the more they will tend to like each other, and the more they like each other, the harder they will work to help each other learn,” Roseth and colleagues report. In other words, positive interdependence fosters, at the very least, Aristotelian friendships of utility.

Equalizing status

Encouraging contact provides the opportunity for friendships to form, but budding connections can easily be nipped by social status asymmetry. Those who don’t conform with school norms on behavior, ability, sexuality, and even body size will be shunned without intervention, Juvonen says. Promoting a cooperative, rather than competitive, learning environment is one step toward redefining “smart” and “good” in children’s minds, but teachers can further decrease status gaps by drawing attention to hidden strengths .

In a 2013 study , when camp counselors encouraged peers to interact inclusively with children who exhibit ADHD symptoms and drew attention to those students’ positive characteristics, the reputations of the children with ADHD improved, and they had more reciprocated friendships. The study’s primary author, Amori Yee Mikami, a psychology professor at the University of British Columbia, stresses that these findings may not translate to the classroom but other studies have shown that teachers voicing a favorable opinion of students and interacting with them warmly tends to increase their social integration.

To this end, teachers should think of themselves in social media parlance as “influencers” or “thought leaders.” Teachers’ relationships with kids “have a big influence on how those kids are seen,” Gest confirms: “Kids who perceive their classmates as not getting along with the teacher come to see those classmates less positively.” But “if teachers make public comments about a child’s academic or social strengths, those have an impact on how kids view that classmate” too.

There’s a problem though: Teachers’ take on who is high status and who isn’t doesn’t always align with kids’, Gest says. “There are kids whom teachers perceive to be disruptive and a problem yet who are quite popular with their classmates. And then conversely, sometimes kids teachers perceive as super nice and prosocial are not particularly influential.” A first step, then, in realizing children’s potential to elevate and inspire one another, is “developing an accurate understanding of what those relationship patterns are.”

Leveraging homophily

One pattern is called homophily. Plato once wrote “similarity begets friendship,” and modern social science research has proven him right. Like tends to stick with like in terms of attitudes and beliefs, but also ethnicity, socio-economic status, and gender even in an integrated classroom. (In Friendship , Denworth reports: “Friendship with opposite-sex peers ‘drops off precipitously after seven years of age.’”) 

Yet friendships that bridge these divides have been associated with higher academic outcomes, and Juvonen says, “students with a greater proportion of cross-ethnic friendships reported lower vulnerability” to peer victimization. On the other hand, discriminatory experiences lead to anger, impulsivity, depression, anxiety, sleep loss, and more, all conditions that drive down academic engagement and performance. 

For cross-group friendships to thrive, Juvonen says, teachers and administrators have to “disrupt typical social dynamics and avoid instructional practices that highlight differences.” Going after low-hanging fruit, Juvonen recommends we stop saying, “Good morning, boys and girls.” Using these categories implies that they have functional importance in elementary school (when research has yet to prove they do ) and impedes same-gender bonds. 

Administrators can also consider explicit anti-bias interventions. Juvonen says a puppet program that “teaches about acceptance of various body shapes has been shown effective in reducing negative attitudes and stereotypes about larger body shapes.” Inclusive curricula can also alter social dynamics.

Though initiatives like these take time and institutional support, there’s one thing educators can do right away, Laursen says. While perceived similarities predict who will become friends better than actual similarities, it’s the latter that determines whether friendships will last. Teachers can help kids’ friendship calculus be more accurate by making less obvious similarities salient. Another way of looking at it? By drawing attention to traits and interests that aren’t as readily apparent as gender or skin tone (e.g., “You two and your Minecraft obsession!”), teachers foster Aristotelian friendships of virtue. 

Juvonen says extracurricular activities like sports and interscholastic robotics competitions provide the ideal context both for highlighting shared interests and promoting positive interdependence, but access is often a problem. Administrators can try to decrease hurdles such as transportation and out-of-pocket expenses, as well as ensuring there’s extra support on hand to facilitate the participation of special needs students. But logistical stumbling blocks aren’t the only type. “Some kids are just reluctant to take the big step to join a club,” Laursen says, and schools would do well to create an emotionally safe environment. That can mean paired activities and inclusion-oriented clubs such as Gay-Straight Alliances.

Kids can also be encouraged to find hidden similarities on their own. Julia Smith, who teaches first-grade in San Francisco, reads her students The Day You Begin by Jacqueline Woodson: 

There will be times when you walk into a room and no one there is quite like you until the day you begin to share your stories. My name is Angelina and I spent my whole summer with my little sister , you tell the class …. Your name is like my sister’s , Rigoberto says. Her name is Angelina, too …. This is the day you begin to find … every new friend has something a little like you.

But Elizabeth Self, an assistant professor at Vanderbilt University, says it’s important to keep in mind there simply isn’t enough research on encouraging cross-group friendships for academics like her to provide a 10-tricks book. For the most part, they are instead “going to talk about, you could do this, but you’d need to watch out for that.” 

Case in point: Just how much to spread kids out. 

Skill sorting and ability grouping, Juvonen says, “not only reduces contact, but also highlights status differences between demographic groups.” Tracked classes, resource rooms, and second-language learner programs that separate groups of students and highlight their differences are also “likely to hinder peer acceptance and the development of friendships,” she says. 

And yet, distributing a small group of atypical kids across classrooms can also be the wrong call. In one study, children with disabilities, who can struggle with social integration, were just as likely to have friends and be accepted as their developmentally typical peers when placed in classrooms where one-third of the students had a mild disability. Juvonen’s conclusion: “There is a critical minimum mass required for groups of vulnerable students to be socially integrated.”

Research on race relations in middle and high schools suggests exactly that. In Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? Beverly Daniel Tatum, a psychology professor and former president of Spelman College, explains that around the onset of puberty, Black students start to explore their identity just as “the world begins to reflect their Blackness back to them more clearly.” In racially mixed settings, she writes, voluntary “racial grouping is a developmental process in response to an environmental stressor, racism.” When it comes to racial microaggressions , white peers “are unprepared to respond in supportive ways.” That makes joining with other Black students “a positive coping strategy.” 

A teacher with a class of 25 students that includes 5 Black students and needs to be split into 5 groups may be tempted to create diverse pods by placing one of the underrepresented students in each group, but doing so can actually set intergroup relations back. Once kids are old enough to grapple with race, numerical insignificance and stereotype threat —which one of Dr. Tatum’s young sources described as “that constant burden of you always having to strive to do your best and show that you can do just as much as everybody else"—can silence and alienate Black children, reduce their status, and thwart friendship formation. When small groups involve peer critique, preventing critical mass can also leave Black students emotionally unprepared to receive feedback. As counterintuitive as it may seem, allowing Black students “the psychological safety of their own group” can actually increase the likelihood that they form friendships outside it.

Elizabeth Self says similar concerns apply to “putting kids from the same linguistic background together in maths small group work.”

Making game-time calls

At the end of the day, teachers will have to make judgment calls when it comes to friendship. Students who are easily distracted may benefit from more individual work, and there’s research showing that friends do interfere with productivity in some circumstances: for example, when they’re not engaged by the subject matter or they put one another’s feelings over giving meaningful feedback. But if a friendless child goofs off with a peer, Laursen says, a little more leeway may be in order, since research shows that kids with at least one friend are both less likely to be bullied and less harmed by bullying. It would make sense then, to seat a child with very low social status near one who is both friendly and popular. A warm relationship with someone like that could increase classwide acceptance considerably. 

Elizabeth Self likes the idea of reconceptualizing friends as a resource, thinking, “How can we give them permission to draw on that person?” When a student is getting out of sorts, for example: “If they have a good bud who is not in the classroom, say: ‘Let’s go see if we can pull Margarita from Ms. Jon’s class. You all stay in the hall for five minutes. We are going to set a timer to see if spending some time together helps you to be able to come back into class.’” In the context of restorative justice circles, why not have an ally present for each child? “I think there is rich opportunity here,” she says.

But Gest wants to remind teachers, administrators, and their communities: “You can’t address everything at once, through either a seating arrangement or a group learning assignment.” Yes, friendship can present untapped academic potential, but “there’s limits to how much teachers can do.”

This article is part of the “ Friendship in Schools ” series, which explores the complexities of friendship at various stages of learning.

Gail Cornwall works as a mother and writer in San Francisco. Her youngest child is in Julia Smith’s class at Rooftop School.

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Sat / act prep online guides and tips, getting college essay help: important do's and don’ts.

College Essays

If you grow up to be a professional writer, everything you write will first go through an editor before being published. This is because the process of writing is really a process of re-writing —of rethinking and reexamining your work, usually with the help of someone else. So what does this mean for your student writing? And in particular, what does it mean for very important, but nonprofessional writing like your college essay? Should you ask your parents to look at your essay? Pay for an essay service?

If you are wondering what kind of help you can, and should, get with your personal statement, you've come to the right place! In this article, I'll talk about what kind of writing help is useful, ethical, and even expected for your college admission essay . I'll also point out who would make a good editor, what the differences between editing and proofreading are, what to expect from a good editor, and how to spot and stay away from a bad one.

Table of Contents

What Kind of Help for Your Essay Can You Get?

What's Good Editing?

What should an editor do for you, what kind of editing should you avoid, proofreading, what's good proofreading, what kind of proofreading should you avoid.

What Do Colleges Think Of You Getting Help With Your Essay?

Who Can/Should Help You?

Advice for editors.

Should You Pay Money For Essay Editing?

The Bottom Line

What's next, what kind of help with your essay can you get.

Rather than talking in general terms about "help," let's first clarify the two different ways that someone else can improve your writing . There is editing, which is the more intensive kind of assistance that you can use throughout the whole process. And then there's proofreading, which is the last step of really polishing your final product.

Let me go into some more detail about editing and proofreading, and then explain how good editors and proofreaders can help you."

Editing is helping the author (in this case, you) go from a rough draft to a finished work . Editing is the process of asking questions about what you're saying, how you're saying it, and how you're organizing your ideas. But not all editing is good editing . In fact, it's very easy for an editor to cross the line from supportive to overbearing and over-involved.

Ability to clarify assignments. A good editor is usually a good writer, and certainly has to be a good reader. For example, in this case, a good editor should make sure you understand the actual essay prompt you're supposed to be answering.

Open-endedness. Good editing is all about asking questions about your ideas and work, but without providing answers. It's about letting you stick to your story and message, and doesn't alter your point of view.

Think of an editor as a great travel guide. It can show you the many different places your trip could take you. It should explain any parts of the trip that could derail your trip or confuse the traveler. But it never dictates your path, never forces you to go somewhere you don't want to go, and never ignores your interests so that the trip no longer seems like it's your own. So what should good editors do?

Help Brainstorm Topics

Sometimes it's easier to bounce thoughts off of someone else. This doesn't mean that your editor gets to come up with ideas, but they can certainly respond to the various topic options you've come up with. This way, you're less likely to write about the most boring of your ideas, or to write about something that isn't actually important to you.

If you're wondering how to come up with options for your editor to consider, check out our guide to brainstorming topics for your college essay .

Help Revise Your Drafts

Here, your editor can't upset the delicate balance of not intervening too much or too little. It's tricky, but a great way to think about it is to remember: editing is about asking questions, not giving answers .

Revision questions should point out:

• Places where more detail or more description would help the reader connect with your essay
• Places where structure and logic don't flow, losing the reader's attention
• Places where there aren't transitions between paragraphs, confusing the reader
• Moments where your narrative or the arguments you're making are unclear

But pointing to potential problems is not the same as actually rewriting—editors let authors fix the problems themselves.

Bad editing is usually very heavy-handed editing. Instead of helping you find your best voice and ideas, a bad editor changes your writing into their own vision.

You may be dealing with a bad editor if they:

• Add material (examples, descriptions) that doesn't come from you
• Use a thesaurus to make your college essay sound "more mature"
• Add meaning or insight to the essay that doesn't come from you
• Tell you what to say and how to say it
• Write sentences, phrases, and paragraphs for you
• Change your voice in the essay so it no longer sounds like it was written by a teenager

Colleges can tell the difference between a 17-year-old's writing and a 50-year-old's writing. Not only that, they have access to your SAT or ACT Writing section, so they can compare your essay to something else you wrote. Writing that's a little more polished is great and expected. But a totally different voice and style will raise questions.

Where's the Line Between Helpful Editing and Unethical Over-Editing?

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether your college essay editor is doing the right thing. Here are some guidelines for staying on the ethical side of the line.

• An editor should say that the opening paragraph is kind of boring, and explain what exactly is making it drag. But it's overstepping for an editor to tell you exactly how to change it.
• An editor should point out where your prose is unclear or vague. But it's completely inappropriate for the editor to rewrite that section of your essay.
• An editor should let you know that a section is light on detail or description. But giving you similes and metaphors to beef up that description is a no-go.

Proofreading (also called copy-editing) is checking for errors in the last draft of a written work. It happens at the end of the process and is meant as the final polishing touch. Proofreading is meticulous and detail-oriented, focusing on small corrections. It sands off all the surface rough spots that could alienate the reader.

Because proofreading is usually concerned with making fixes on the word or sentence level, this is the only process where someone else can actually add to or take away things from your essay . This is because what they are adding or taking away tends to be one or two misplaced letters.

Laser focus. Proofreading is all about the tiny details, so the ability to really concentrate on finding small slip-ups is a must.

Excellent grammar and spelling skills. Proofreaders need to dot every "i" and cross every "t." Good proofreaders should correct spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar. They should put foreign words in italics and surround quotations with quotation marks. They should check that you used the correct college's name, and that you adhered to any formatting requirements (name and date at the top of the page, uniform font and size, uniform spacing).

Limited interference. A proofreader needs to make sure that you followed any word limits. But if cuts need to be made to shorten the essay, that's your job and not the proofreader's.

A bad proofreader either tries to turn into an editor, or just lacks the skills and knowledge necessary to do the job.

Some signs that you're working with a bad proofreader are:

• If they suggest making major changes to the final draft of your essay. Proofreading happens when editing is already finished.
• If they aren't particularly good at spelling, or don't know grammar, or aren't detail-oriented enough to find someone else's small mistakes.
• If they start swapping out your words for fancier-sounding synonyms, or changing the voice and sound of your essay in other ways. A proofreader is there to check for errors, not to take the 17-year-old out of your writing.

What Do Colleges Think of Your Getting Help With Your Essay?

Admissions officers agree: light editing and proofreading are good—even required ! But they also want to make sure you're the one doing the work on your essay. They want essays with stories, voice, and themes that come from you. They want to see work that reflects your actual writing ability, and that focuses on what you find important.

On the Importance of Editing

Get feedback. Have a fresh pair of eyes give you some feedback. Don't allow someone else to rewrite your essay, but do take advantage of others' edits and opinions when they seem helpful. ( Bates College )

Read your essay aloud to someone. Reading the essay out loud offers a chance to hear how your essay sounds outside your head. This exercise reveals flaws in the essay's flow, highlights grammatical errors and helps you ensure that you are communicating the exact message you intended. ( Dickinson College )

On the Value of Proofreading

Share your essays with at least one or two people who know you well—such as a parent, teacher, counselor, or friend—and ask for feedback. Remember that you ultimately have control over your essays, and your essays should retain your own voice, but others may be able to catch mistakes that you missed and help suggest areas to cut if you are over the word limit. ( Yale University )

Proofread and then ask someone else to proofread for you. Although we want substance, we also want to be able to see that you can write a paper for our professors and avoid careless mistakes that would drive them crazy. ( Oberlin College )

On Watching Out for Too Much Outside Influence

Limit the number of people who review your essay. Too much input usually means your voice is lost in the writing style. ( Carleton College )

Ask for input (but not too much). Your parents, friends, guidance counselors, coaches, and teachers are great people to bounce ideas off of for your essay. They know how unique and spectacular you are, and they can help you decide how to articulate it. Keep in mind, however, that a 45-year-old lawyer writes quite differently from an 18-year-old student, so if your dad ends up writing the bulk of your essay, we're probably going to notice. ( Vanderbilt University )

Now let's talk about some potential people to approach for your college essay editing and proofreading needs. It's best to start close to home and slowly expand outward. Not only are your family and friends more invested in your success than strangers, but they also have a better handle on your interests and personality. This knowledge is key for judging whether your essay is expressing your true self.

Parents or Close Relatives

Your family may be full of potentially excellent editors! Parents are deeply committed to your well-being, and family members know you and your life well enough to offer details or incidents that can be included in your essay. On the other hand, the rewriting process necessarily involves criticism, which is sometimes hard to hear from someone very close to you.

A parent or close family member is a great choice for an editor if you can answer "yes" to the following questions. Is your parent or close relative a good writer or reader? Do you have a relationship where editing your essay won't create conflict? Are you able to constructively listen to criticism and suggestion from the parent?

One suggestion for defusing face-to-face discussions is to try working on the essay over email. Send your parent a draft, have them write you back some comments, and then you can pick which of their suggestions you want to use and which to discard.

Teachers or Tutors

A humanities teacher that you have a good relationship with is a great choice. I am purposefully saying humanities, and not just English, because teachers of Philosophy, History, Anthropology, and any other classes where you do a lot of writing, are all used to reviewing student work.

Moreover, any teacher or tutor that has been working with you for some time, knows you very well and can vet the essay to make sure it "sounds like you."

If your teacher or tutor has some experience with what college essays are supposed to be like, ask them to be your editor. If not, then ask whether they have time to proofread your final draft.

Guidance or College Counselor at Your School

The best thing about asking your counselor to edit your work is that this is their job. This means that they have a very good sense of what colleges are looking for in an application essay.

At the same time, school counselors tend to have relationships with admissions officers in many colleges, which again gives them insight into what works and which college is focused on what aspect of the application.

Unfortunately, in many schools the guidance counselor tends to be way overextended. If your ratio is 300 students to 1 college counselor, you're unlikely to get that person's undivided attention and focus. It is still useful to ask them for general advice about your potential topics, but don't expect them to be able to stay with your essay from first draft to final version.

Friends, Siblings, or Classmates

Although they most likely don't have much experience with what colleges are hoping to see, your peers are excellent sources for checking that your essay is you .

Friends and siblings are perfect for the read-aloud edit. Read your essay to them so they can listen for words and phrases that are stilted, pompous, or phrases that just don't sound like you.

You can even trade essays and give helpful advice on each other's work.

If your editor hasn't worked with college admissions essays very much, no worries! Any astute and attentive reader can still greatly help with your process. But, as in all things, beginners do better with some preparation.

First, your editor should read our advice about how to write a college essay introduction , how to spot and fix a bad college essay , and get a sense of what other students have written by going through some admissions essays that worked .

Then, as they read your essay, they can work through the following series of questions that will help them to guide you.

Introduction Questions

• Is the first sentence a killer opening line? Why or why not?
• Does the introduction hook the reader? Does it have a colorful, detailed, and interesting narrative? Or does it propose a compelling or surprising idea?
• Can you feel the author's voice in the introduction, or is the tone dry, dull, or overly formal? Show the places where the voice comes through.

Essay Body Questions

• Does the essay have a through-line? Is it built around a central argument, thought, idea, or focus? Can you put this idea into your own words?
• How is the essay organized? By logical progression? Chronologically? Do you feel order when you read it, or are there moments where you are confused or lose the thread of the essay?
• Does the essay have both narratives about the author's life and explanations and insight into what these stories reveal about the author's character, personality, goals, or dreams? If not, which is missing?
• Does the essay flow? Are there smooth transitions/clever links between paragraphs? Between the narrative and moments of insight?

Reader Response Questions

• Does the writer's personality come through? Do we know what the speaker cares about? Do we get a sense of "who he or she is"?
• Where did you feel most connected to the essay? Which parts of the essay gave you a "you are there" sensation by invoking your senses? What moments could you picture in your head well?
• Where are the details and examples vague and not specific enough?
• Did you get an "a-ha!" feeling anywhere in the essay? Is there a moment of insight that connected all the dots for you? Is there a good reveal or "twist" anywhere in the essay?
• What are the strengths of this essay? What needs the most improvement?

Should You Pay Money for Essay Editing?

One alternative to asking someone you know to help you with your college essay is the paid editor route. There are two different ways to pay for essay help: a private essay coach or a less personal editing service , like the many proliferating on the internet.

My advice is to think of these options as a last resort rather than your go-to first choice. I'll first go through the reasons why. Then, if you do decide to go with a paid editor, I'll help you decide between a coach and a service.

When to Consider a Paid Editor

In general, I think hiring someone to work on your essay makes a lot of sense if none of the people I discussed above are a possibility for you.

If you can't ask your parents. For example, if your parents aren't good writers, or if English isn't their first language. Or if you think getting your parents to help is going create unnecessary extra conflict in your relationship with them (applying to college is stressful as it is!)

If you can't ask your teacher or tutor. Maybe you don't have a trusted teacher or tutor that has time to look over your essay with focus. Or, for instance, your favorite humanities teacher has very limited experience with college essays and so won't know what admissions officers want to see.

If you can't ask your guidance counselor. This could be because your guidance counselor is way overwhelmed with other students.

If you can't share your essay with those who know you. It might be that your essay is on a very personal topic that you're unwilling to share with parents, teachers, or peers. Just make sure it doesn't fall into one of the bad-idea topics in our article on bad college essays .

If the cost isn't a consideration. Many of these services are quite expensive, and private coaches even more so. If you have finite resources, I'd say that hiring an SAT or ACT tutor (whether it's PrepScholar or someone else) is better way to spend your money . This is because there's no guarantee that a slightly better essay will sufficiently elevate the rest of your application, but a significantly higher SAT score will definitely raise your applicant profile much more.

Should You Hire an Essay Coach?

On the plus side, essay coaches have read dozens or even hundreds of college essays, so they have experience with the format. Also, because you'll be working closely with a specific person, it's more personal than sending your essay to a service, which will know even less about you.

But, on the minus side, you'll still be bouncing ideas off of someone who doesn't know that much about you . In general, if you can adequately get the help from someone you know, there is no advantage to paying someone to help you.

If you do decide to hire a coach, ask your school counselor, or older students that have used the service for recommendations. If you can't afford the coach's fees, ask whether they can work on a sliding scale —many do. And finally, beware those who guarantee admission to your school of choice—essay coaches don't have any special magic that can back up those promises.

Should You Send Your Essay to a Service?

On the plus side, essay editing services provide a similar product to essay coaches, and they cost significantly less . If you have some assurance that you'll be working with a good editor, the lack of face-to-face interaction won't prevent great results.

On the minus side, however, it can be difficult to gauge the quality of the service before working with them . If they are churning through many application essays without getting to know the students they are helping, you could end up with an over-edited essay that sounds just like everyone else's. In the worst case scenario, an unscrupulous service could send you back a plagiarized essay.

Getting recommendations from friends or a school counselor for reputable services is key to avoiding heavy-handed editing that writes essays for you or does too much to change your essay. Including a badly-edited essay like this in your application could cause problems if there are inconsistencies. For example, in interviews it might be clear you didn't write the essay, or the skill of the essay might not be reflected in your schoolwork and test scores.

Should You Buy an Essay Written by Someone Else?

Let me elaborate. There are super sketchy places on the internet where you can simply buy a pre-written essay. Don't do this!

For one thing, you'll be lying on an official, signed document. All college applications make you sign a statement saying something like this:

I certify that all information submitted in the admission process—including the application, the personal essay, any supplements, and any other supporting materials—is my own work, factually true, and honestly presented... I understand that I may be subject to a range of possible disciplinary actions, including admission revocation, expulsion, or revocation of course credit, grades, and degree, should the information I have certified be false. (From the Common Application )

For another thing, if your academic record doesn't match the essay's quality, the admissions officer will start thinking your whole application is riddled with lies.

Admission officers have full access to your writing portion of the SAT or ACT so that they can compare work that was done in proctored conditions with that done at home. They can tell if these were written by different people. Not only that, but there are now a number of search engines that faculty and admission officers can use to see if an essay contains strings of words that have appeared in other essays—you have no guarantee that the essay you bought wasn't also bought by 50 other students.

• You should get college essay help with both editing and proofreading
• A good editor will ask questions about your idea, logic, and structure, and will point out places where clarity is needed
• A good editor will absolutely not answer these questions, give you their own ideas, or write the essay or parts of the essay for you
• A good proofreader will find typos and check your formatting
• All of them agree that getting light editing and proofreading is necessary
• Parents, teachers, guidance or college counselor, and peers or siblings
• If you can't ask any of those, you can pay for college essay help, but watch out for services or coaches who over-edit you work
• Don't buy a pre-written essay! Colleges can tell, and it'll make your whole application sound false.

Ready to start working on your essay? Check out our explanation of the point of the personal essay and the role it plays on your applications and then explore our step-by-step guide to writing a great college essay .

Using the Common Application for your college applications? We have an excellent guide to the Common App essay prompts and useful advice on how to pick the Common App prompt that's right for you . Wondering how other people tackled these prompts? Then work through our roundup of over 130 real college essay examples published by colleges .

Stressed about whether to take the SAT again before submitting your application? Let us help you decide how many times to take this test . If you choose to go for it, we have the ultimate guide to studying for the SAT to give you the ins and outs of the best ways to study.

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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Why Do You Have No Friends at College?

Despite most of the young people find that college years are the best period for making new friends, not all of them can realize this in reality. Why? In the majority of articles, movies etc., student have fun with their buddies from day until night. So, teenagers expect to make a lot of new contacts and build strong relationships with people on campus. The reason why they fail with this and then stay lonely is that most of these students make no efforts to meet someone and start being friends. They find that someone should make the first step to the development of relationships. However, it rarely happens in the real life that a freshman gains hundreds of friends while doing nothing for it. So, many students encounter a question of right behaving at the college and ways of attracting people. We compiled several useful ideas in this article, which may be helpful in making new friends and show you the main reason for your loneliness.

Bad Teamwork

Usually, college lessons include a kind of teamwork, when students have to cooperate with each other to get a good mark and complete their tasks. If you do not respect your teammates and act apart from them, you will probably fail the common target and your fellows will be angry on you. The way to prevent such an issue is very simple. Just do not act separately: it is not writing a college essay or doing any other individual task. Your personal attainments in a case with team tasks and projects play a very small role. So, it is better to pay attention to supporting your teammates and building a good strategy to reach your common goal.

No One-on-One Meetings

Usually, teenagers prefer to meet up with someone in huge and noisy companies, for example, in the classroom or during a college break. You will not greatly attract anyone in the most cases. Moreover, you cannot discover this person as individuality if you have no one-on-one meetings. As a result, close relationships are impossible to build. You definitely have to invite someone, who can probably become your new buddy, to go out in any nice place: malls, cafés, cinema and so on. In this way, you will know each other better and have more opportunities to build close relationships. 

Too Many Limits

If you are a freshman and you want to make some new friends, it will be a truly bad idea to focus only on a certain area or community: for example, your classmates or roommates at a dorm. Avoid such limits in case you really want to meet someone to share your interests and hobbies. Do not try to meet someone only in your dorm or on campus at all. There are many young people, who may become your friends, away from your area of communication. The main point is not being afraid of changes and opening new horizons. 

It is true that the majority of young people suffers from shyness, especially while getting to a new place and seeing lots of unknown things. This is a normal reaction but it should be reduced if you want to reach some friends. You probably have some childhood or school buddies and your relationships are very close. How did you meet them? In the most cases, students will answer that they do not remember it. As a rule, school friends are so close to you because of your parents’ good relationships or studying at one group for several years. Unfortunately, a situation is different at college: you will stay lonely if you are too shy to communicate with people around freely. It is a common issue when a freshman cannot say a word while someone starts a talk with him. Other students do not appreciate enclosed and quiet teenagers as a rule. 

Overconfidence

Sometimes, young people find themselves better than others, for example, the rest of their groupmates. Such feeling of the superiority leads to a bad attitude of your fellows: no one likes overconfident and disrespectful people. So, it is significant not to show your bragging and prevent being a smug. Moreover, do not forget that students do not appreciate teacher’s pets. You have to adapt to your new collective but not become its leader during the first day.

All in all, being lonely at college means the absence of fun and entertainment in the most cases. It is truly hard to enjoy yourself if no one invites you to parties and other social events. Of course, having many friends on campus promises you a lot of amusing opportunities. Sometimes, these contacts may be useful for getting a job after graduation. So, do not make these typical mistakes, which are the reasons why young people fail to find new buddies at college. Live a full life while studying and open yourself for other people: you will see how helpful it is for your self-development and improvement. We hope that this article demonstrated you the main reasons why students have no friends at college and you will prevent these issues in your life.

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• Writing Essay on Friendship: 3 Samples to Get Inspired

When in school or college, you won’t escape the task of writing an essay on friendship. It’s a paper revealing the power of having friends and reflecting on the corresponding values.

It seems easy to write. You craft a narrative about your mates, explaining what they mean to you. And yet, it’s an academic paper. So, some rules are still here on how to structure and format it.

In this article, you’ll find three samples of different essays on friendship. Feel free to use them to get inspired and better understand this paper’s nature and purpose.

Let’s answer all the questions related to friendship essays together!

What Is an Essay on Friendship?

First, the definition:

An essay on friendship is a short academic paper students write to express their thoughts and reflections on the topic.

The purpose is to:

• explore the phenomenon;
• understand what it means to you;
• realize the significance of having close people nearby;
• reveal the pros and cons of committing to a friendship;
• reflect on how friendship can help our wellness.

Friendship essays aren’t about “my friends and I” topics only. You can write about the role of friendship for mental health, craft an expository essay explaining the topic, or build a reflective essay on what friendship means to you.

Friendship Essay Structure

Friendship essays have a standard structure of academic papers. They are short and consist of three parts:

• Introduction about friendship
• Paragraph about friendship
• Friendship essay conclusion

In the intro, you start with an attention grabber. Feel free to use a quote, a surprising fact, or an anecdote. Introduce the topic and finish with thesis statements about friendship.

In a friendship paragraph, you support a thesis with facts, evidence, personal stories, etc. As a rule, essay bodies have three paragraphs minimum. So you can devote each paragraph to one aspect :

• Definition of this concept 
• Why having friends is essential
• What a friend can give you
• Types of friendship  
• Challenges mates meet on their way  
• Characteristics of a good friend  
• How to strengthen a friendship, etc. 

In the essay body, you can use stories and examples from your life to illustrate points. Tell about your friends and share personal thoughts — it will make your paper more compelling to read.

In the concluding paragraph, sum up the points and restate your thesis. Finish on a positive note, leaving readers with the food for thought.

Easier said than done, huh?

Below are three samples of friendship essays for you to see what they look like and how they sound.

3 Samples to Help You Write an Essay About Friendship

While Ralph Waldo Emerson friendship essay (1) is the top example of the paper on this topic, we’ll go further and provide several NEW samples.

Please check:

Short Essay on Friendship

This sample is perfect for high school students. As a rule, teachers ask them to write 150-200-word essays. The task is to describe concepts or things the way they understand them.

Narrative Essay on Friendship

Narrative essays are more about personal stories. Here, you can tell about your friends, include dialogues , and sound less academic.

500 Words Essay Sample on Importance of Friendship

Over to You

Now, you have three samples and know how to structure this paper. Ready to write yours?

Let’s begin with the “Why is friendship important?” essay — and you’ll see that it’s not super challenging to craft. Be honest, share your thoughts, and don’t hesitate to write personal reflections on the topic.

Still don’t know how to start your essay on friendship? Our writers are here to help. 

References:

• https://archive.vcu.edu/english/engweb/transcendentalism/authors/emerson/essays/friendship.html
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Overcoming the Fear of Not Having Friends

I suffer from chronic overthinking. My brain is a running commentary of everything from errands I need to run and homework I haven’t done to friends with whom I haven’t spoken in far too long. Almost always, at least one of these thoughts is an  anxious  one. I’m usually good at zoning myself out, but every so often my overactive brain wins out and the anxiety takes control.

That’s what happened about seven months ago when, out of the blue, I had this overwhelming feeling that I was, or was soon going to be, friendless .

I was home alone at the time, sprawled out in bed, and naturally the silence inspired an especially strong bout of quarter-life anxieties. Cue the classic college student’s fear-of-the-real-world. I began to worry about the future, graduation and life after. I began to worry about how I’d make a living and if I’d be happy. The big issue came, though, when I began to worry about my friendships. I thought about my friends and tried to imagine their perspective of me. As it turns out, mixing that with an anxious frame of mind is a terrible idea.

My traitorous mind began convincing me that the people I considered to be good friends were acquaintances at best. It told me that true friends talked often, even daily. It muttered from the dark recesses of self-deprecation that this meant they were no longer my close friends. It used this type of logic to convince me that the people I considered close friends were, in fact, simply tolerating me.

Suddenly, I felt like I was an inconvenience in their lives. My heart dropped and my gut twisted as I began to fear that I was friendless.

Whenever I’ve felt low in the past, I would go to a friend to vent. Fun fact: When you’re feeling low because you think you’re friendless, venting to a friend is a tad problematic. I wasn’t sure if I could talk to anybody about the issue because I didn’t want to push away what few people I was close with by making them think I was a paranoid ball of anxiety. The situation began to spiral out of control until I hit that point where I knew something had to be done. I was either going to have to accept my fate, try to dig myself out of this hole, or find someone to help me out.

Luckily, old habits die hard, and I messaged a friend from high school , one of the few I still regularly talk to, and one with whom I still discuss issues from romantic rejection to existential anxieties. She reminded me that true friends don’t have to talk daily. True friends, she said, are the kind of people you can go a month without seeing or talking to, but when you do finally see each other again, nothing has changed.

More importantly, though, she reminded me that I have agency within a friendship. If I feel that it’s been too long since a friend and I have talked, I can and should do something about that. Anxiety had convinced me that my friendships were out of my control, but that’s simply not true.

So if you’ve ever felt afraid that you might be losing touch with a friend, whether you’re entering college and fear losing high school friends or you’re graduating soon and fear losing those from college, don’t forget that friendship is an amazingly strong, lasting bond. It requires effort, yes, but not constant maintenance. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I dare say that true friendship certainly is forever.

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About Michael Becker

Michael is a senior studying Creative Writing and Film/Television at the University of Wisconsin – Madison. Aside from a passion for writing, film, and television, Michael enjoys his hobbies of cooking and ultimate Frisbee. In the future he hopes to combine his passions for writing and mass media to write reviews and maybe even a screenplay or two.

Having No Friends After College or in Your 20s

Having no friends as an adult is an uncomfortable topic to discuss, but looking into the reasons behind it can be very helpful and make a big difference in your social life.

This article focuses specifically on what to do if you don’t have any friends after college or in your 20s. In our main guide on not having friends , you’ll find a comprehensive walk-through of why you might be lonely and what to do about it.

Below are some common reasons for your current situation, followed by tips on what you can do.

Not taking initiative to socialize

In college, we meet like-minded people on a daily basis. After college, socializing suddenly takes a very different shape. Unless you want to limit your social life to your job or partner, you have to actively seek out like-minded people. The simplest way to do this is to figure out in what way you can make your existing interests more social.

What you can do

• Join groups related to your interests. If you don’t have any strong passions, anything that you enjoy doing can serve as social interest. If you like writing, you can join a writer’s club. If you like photography, you can join a photography workshop. Meetup.com is a good place to look.
• Take the initiative. If you meet someone you have things in common with, ask for that person’s number or Instagram. It doesn’t have to be more complicated than saying “It was fun talking to you. I can let you know the next time I’m going to that crafts class I was talking about”. or even “It would be nice to grab a coffee and talk more about astronomy”. Invite them the next time you are going somewhere they might want to join.
• If you bonded over music or a movie genre you both like, send them a message later on mentioning an upcoming film you thought of going to and whether they’d like to join.
• Take people’s propositions seriously. It’s usually during those small friendly talks that someone eventually throws an invitation to “someday hang out”. We tend to think people are just offering as a way of being polite but don’t let that hold you back from messaging “Hey, I thought to take you up on that offer.” It’s likely that the person you enjoyed talking to that day really does want to meet, but like you, they’re too shy to take that first step and initiate.

Here are more tips on how to make friends after college .

Having changed in personality and interests

In college, you’re exposed to a lot of new and interesting ideas. It’s only natural that you finish those years a bit different than when you first started them.

In your 20s, common interests you shared with certain people begin to fade, and as much as it’s uncomfortable to think about, it’s necessary in order to keep growing.

Accepting the gradual distance that has formed can make way for new relationships to enter your life. If you find that you have a hard time connecting with friends because you’ve changed as a person, use this as your starting point.

Ask yourself, what has changed about me? What conversations would I like to have now? On what topics? The more you understand who you’ve become, the more you’ll know where to look in terms of people you want to connect with.

• If there’s a cause you’re interested in helping, look for places to volunteer. The new people you’ll meet in those settings probably share that same interest too (or else they wouldn’t be there).
• The same goes for clubs and hobbies. Maybe your childhood friends don’t appreciate gaming or books as much as you do, but with a bit of searching, you’re bound to find groups of people who do. Websites like https://bumble.com/bff ​ or https://www.meetup.com ​ are great places to start.
• Use podcasts as a way of discovering communities. See who else listens to the podcast and try sparking conversations in their forums.

Having moved to a new place

Moving to a new state or country can be challenging. People move because of work, school, or simply because they’re looking to open a new chapter in their life. Either way, it’s not easy, especially if your friends and family are nowhere near . You need to get used to a new culture, a new way of doing things and maybe even a new language. This transition can be intimidating for both the shy and the more outspoken person.

• Your co-workers are probably the first people you can attempt to make a connection with. Don’t be afraid to come off as needy or the “new person”. Embrace that title with dignity. Being new makes you all the more interesting. Usually, when you’re new, you’re assigned to someone who goes through the basics and guides you on your first days. Don’t be afraid to ask him casual questions like “What are some nice places to hang out?”. Try mentioning your hobby, “Do you know of any basketball court around?” You might find out that you and your co-worker share the same interest. Also, don’t be discouraged if your co-workers are older than you. Workplaces are different from our usual school setting so don’t put that much emphasis on age. You can be 25 and still enthusiastically hit it off with someone twice your age by discussing a shared interest.
• If you’re not working or you’re working as a freelancer, try checking Facebook Groups for expats and other online communities for foreigners. There are plenty of other people out there in a similar situation as yours.
• If you moved to a foreign country, YouTube is a great platform to check out. Many people upload videos showing their daily routines as foreigners. Try seeing if there’s anyone living in the country you’re currently at. Many of them vlog their solo walks around the city, so regardless of whether you actually end up meeting them, let their videos inspire you to do some solo exploration yourself.
• If you’re into video games, https://www.twitch.tv ​​ is a good place to connect with people. Instead of spending your evenings playing alone, try streaming it and look for people streaming who live in your area.
• Go out for walks. Explore the city and get used to your new surroundings. The more familiar things are the less scary they become. Don’t wait to make friends in order to walk around. Go to the park, take a book with you or simply listen to music or a podcast. If you’re worried about looking lonely, put on your running shoes and make it look like you’re out for a light jog.
• Become a regular at a café or bar. Other regular customers and workers at the place will start to feel a lot more familiar and within time you might even build up the confidence to talk to one of them. If you find yourself standing in line with a regular customer you see on a daily basis, ask for their thoughts on a specific cake or sandwich. You can throw in that you’re new to the area and you’re testing out the best coffee places in town.
• Talk to the staff at the local shops to get information on social gatherings. For example, if you’re into reading and you find yourself wandering around bookshops, talk to the person working and ask if they host any book readings at the place or if they know of any good book clubs. If you’re interested in a certain type of music, for example, jazz, go to a music store that sells saxophones and other instruments and while you’re checking them out, casually ask the workers if they know of any jazz bar in the area. Remember that the locals have a lot of valuable information on what interesting things are going on.

Main article: How to make friends in a new city .

Being shy or having social anxiety

If you’re the kind of person who rarely raises their hand in class, seldom speaks up in group discussions and gets overwhelmed when strangers approach them, making new friends can be more frightening. As a shy person, you may find yourself keeping quiet in situations where you wish you had the confidence to speak up and it can be discouraging to hold yourself back. That being said, it’s a personality trait you can work on.

• We tend to feel confident when we feel there’s something worth feeling confident about. Work on building daily habits you feel proud of. Start by writing down the little things you want to implement into your day and stick to them. It could be as small as waking up at the hour you set for yourself or finally going out for that run. Go back to practicing an instrument you put off or go ahead and finally bake that cake you thought was too complicated. When you challenge yourself in the comfort of your home, you start to take that brave sensation with you to other places as well.
• Treat small exchanges with strangers as an opportunity to practice eye contact. It could be the person behind the counter at your regular café asking for your name, or the person at the train station handing you your ticket. It could even be letting someone elderly take your seat on the bus. That simple nod and smile you throw to the other, within time, will feel more natural.
• Try taking up a new language. Taking public language classes is a great environment to socialize. Especially because you’re all in this awkward beginner stage and everyone is feeling a bit self-conscious. It’s the perfect place to learn how to take it easy and laugh at yourself. Try inviting someone to grab a bite afterward: You can mention that you’re going to eat and ask if anyone wants to keep practicing the language after hours over a sandwich.
• Make peace with your shyness. In a society where so many people speak their mind without thinking twice, a certain amount of quietness is in fact deeply appreciated. We tend to be very hard on ourselves and think that shy people are seen as boring or without personality. But in a lot of situations, shy people are actually perceived as humble , calm, and collected.

Shy people aren’t always​​ shy. Acknowledge your other sides as well and remember the situations in which you felt comfortable expressing yourself. We usually feel at home around our family so if you have any siblings you spend time with, use that to remind yourself of how outgoing you can actually be.

Not being present or attentive

Naturally, we spend a lot of time thinking about ourselves and the things we need to do. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and personal goals are worth spending time on. But if we want to establish meaningful connections with others, we have to make room for their personal lives as well.

Try looking back at your previous relationships, how involved were you? Were you present in conversations, or were you mostly absorbed in your plans for the day?

Remember that being a good listener is crucial in relationships; people don’t simply assume you’re there for them, they need to genuinely feel it.

We all know how nice it is to receive a message “How did it go today?” after a job interview, or “How did the test go?” after you spent the whole week cramming for it. It’s only natural for people to distance themselves from us if they sense we’re hanging out with them out of pure habit or simply to “kill time”.

• To create that sense of genuine interest, ask questions relevant to previous conversations you’ve had. It shows the other person you’re truly present and listening.
• Take note of meaningful events like birthdays, an upcoming date, a job interview, a test. If needed, write it down.
• Avoid using your phone while talking, texts and notifications can wait. It’s more important you stay present with the person in front of you.
• Be mindful of body language. For example, if your friend fidgets around or lowers their gaze while talking, this could be a sign they’re a bit stressed, even if they don’t necessarily mention it out loud. Noticing those subtle cues creates a deeper connection to the person in front of us and grounds us in the present moment.
• Keeps your promises. If you said you’d call in the evening, make sure you actually make the call. It’s understandable that life can get busy and you forget certain things, but make sure those moments are the exception, and that normally you keep your word.

Not taking all the chances you get to socialize

We can get pretty creative when it comes to turning down offers. Especially for things that are out of our comfort zone. Too tired, too complicated, and not interested enough are just a few of the things we say. While it’s true you may be tired, constantly giving into that will eventually cause others around you to stop offering.

One of the reasons we quickly say no is because we believe we have the night (or day) “figured out”. We cancel it because we suppose that nothing too interesting will happen. The thing is, we never really know what saying “yes” will lead to. Keep in mind that relationships are built on mutual experiences and the time you spend together is what eventually strengthens your bond.

• Work on saying yes, even if the offer doesn’t necessarily fit your current mood. For example, if a friend offers to grab a bite but you just ate, don’t automatically turn it down. Join them and order something to drink instead. The important part is that you meet up and connect, not that you eat. ​Likewise, if they’re in the mood for a​ beer but you’d rather not drink alcohol, go out and order something soft instead.
• If you find it hard to do things they seem to enjoy, don’t let that be an excuse for not meeting up. Instead, offer to do things both of you like. For example, if they enjoy clubbing and you don’t, you can turn down the offer, but add to that an offer in return. “I don’t like clubs that much, too loud for me, but hey! I’d love to hang out. How about we grab coffee tomorrow morning?”
• Remember that comfortable evenings on your own are a lot more available than a night out with your friends. Don’t take their offers for granted.

Having mental health challenges

Another reason why you may have found yourself without friends can have to do with something you’ve been going through. The way in which you view the world and how you interact with others is usually a reflection of your own mental state. When you’re going through a difficult time, other people may seem less approachable and the world intimidating.

As a result, you can find yourself pulling away from the people around you, to the point you longer have someone to talk to. If you’re feeling unlike yourself, either depressed, anxious, or simply out of place, it’s necessary you look into it.

• Put your mental health first and don’t hesitate to seek professional help. It could be either online or face to face. A good connection with your therapist is crucial and even if it takes a while to find one that suits you, it’s worth the search.
• Instead of distancing yourself, go ahead and share with the people close to you why you’ve been pulling back from them. A lot of times people can mistake our “disappearance” as a sign of us not wanting to be around them when in fact, we’re simply going through a rough time that has little to do with them.
• If you’ve been alone for quite a while and find it uncomfortable to call up people from the past, try talking to others online first. That way, you’re getting comfortable with interacting and sharing your feelings even if it’s not yet in person. There are plenty of forums where you can write down what you’re going through in a completely anonymous way, and people will respond. Two good websites for finding your community are Reddit and Quora .  Two good websites for mental health are Kooth and TalkSpace .

Remember to use the internet in moderation and as a tool to help you share what you’re going through, not as a form of escapism.

• Try journaling. Writing things down is a useful tool and can help sort out your thoughts. By finding the right words to explain what you’re going through you’re creating a clearer headspace and making room for better decisions.
• As much as you may lack the motivation to do so, focus on moving your body. It doesn’t have to be a high-intensity workout at a gym. It could be a few stretches from the comfort of your home, or a simple stroll while listening to your favorite playlist or podcast. Don’t be afraid to call up a friend to join, even if it’s been a while since you’ve last spoken. The fact that we’re not in our best mood doesn’t mean others don’t want to be around us. On the contrary, many people enjoy giving advice and sharing their own experiences. If you don’t have someone to call, there are plenty of teachers on youtube offering live sessions. Hundreds of people from around the world practicing all at once may help alleviate the loneliness and get you focused on your body.

See our guide on how to make friends when you’re depressed .

Not letting people in

Try making your conversations a bit more personal. Deepening our relationships means we’re going to expose ourselves and let others see the little quirks and details of what it means to be us. Don’t be afraid to ruin some sort of image you think people have of you. It’s easy to seem cool and fun when it’s from a distance. What’s a lot harder and braver is opening up and letting others see different parts of your personality.

Studies show that we have to open up about ourselves in order for people to get to know us. [ 1 ]

• It’s not true that people only want to talk about themselves. In between asking questions and listening attentively, give examples from your personal life. Talk about your interests, what hobby you’re currently into, what movie you’ve last seen. Speak up about the difficulties as well, of an argument you’ve recently had or insecurities. Even if you feel like a burden to the other person, you’re probably not.

You should be proud of the fact you’re looking for ways to improve your social life. Many people are afraid to admit they even need a friend in the first place.

Remember that it takes time to make friends . Every initiative you take and every time you talk to a new person is a step toward a fulfilling social life.

• Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(4), 363-377.

Viktor is a Counselor specialized in interpersonal communication and relationships. He manages SocialSelf’s scientific review board. Follow on Twitter or read more .

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Articles & Advice > Student Life > Blog

Making Friends Your First Year of College: Top Do's and Don'ts

Great friends make your first year of college so much more fun. Here are some of the biggest do's and don'ts to help you make connections right away.

by Sabrina Basile CollegeXpress Student Writer, St. Bonaventure University

Last Updated: Oct 31, 2023

Originally Posted: May 6, 2016

The first couple of weeks on campus are defining in one’s overall college career. It’s a time of reputation building, socializing, and big changes that impact your life in a huge way—no pressure! Here are some of the biggest do’s and don’ts to help you meet people and make new friends during your first semester of freshman year.

Don’t keep your door shut

This tip seems so simple, but never underestimate the power of an open door. Doors can pose a barrier (quite literally) between you and a comradery with your floormates. At a basic level, passers-by can easily say a quick hello if your door is open. Sometimes those quick hellos lead to lovely conversations later on and friendships even beyond that. With a closed door, not only can floormates not say hello, but they may assume you’re not interested in making friends, which may lead to social barriers in general. Floor comradery is a big part of the first-year dorms at St. Bonaventure University . Keeping an open door is a great way to make sure you don’t miss out, so get those doorstops ready!

Related: A Handy Guide to Surviving Dorm Life

Don’t shut yourself in your room to study

If your college has a lounge or study area, use it! It can be a great resource—not only for being productive and getting work done so you can enjoy your weekends (pssst, and maybe meet new people !), but also for finding possible study buddies and people who can help if you’re struggling in class. I met some of my best friends from studying in the lounge in my dorm. The close-knit space allowed me to spend time with the other “usuals” who used the lounge for studying. We ended up becoming friends because of that time spent together, and the extra help on schoolwork was a definite bonus.

Do tag-team campus with your roommate or another friend

It may be uncomfortable to meet people with no one around, so venturing to campus hotspots with your roommate can be a great way to branch out and meet new people that you can hang out with. This is especially useful for groups of people, which can be intimidating to join if you’re not used to it. Roommates or any friends you have on campus are great ways to network with other groups and form connections that might lead to deeper bonds. But this strategy can be risky if you become too complacent with going places and only talking to your roommate or friend. Be sure to talk to other people too!

Related: Strangers or Besties? Developing a Good Dynamic With Your College Roommates

Do be spontaneous

This is by far the best way to make a good impression, build confidence , and make new friends. I’ve met people by sitting down for a meal with them when they were sitting alone in the dining hall. I was extremely nervous at first, running through what I would say so I wouldn’t seem weird or crazy for saying hi when I had never seen them before. The guy was actually very happy to have someone join him, and we became good friends just from the nice conversation and time we spent eating together. It’s important to remember that people usually don’t mind when you reach out to them. If anything, it’s a pleasant surprise for most people when others say hi and strike up a fun conversation. Being spontaneous, saying hi, and holding a good conversation are all great ways to build confidence in general and go a long way when it comes to meeting people. It makes life more exciting in general. So when you get on campus, get out there and go meet people!

Do ask for digits

Also important: Stay in touch with the people you meet . Swapping Instagram handles and phone numbers are great ways to show people that you’re friendly. Following up with texts or DMs to go get lunch or hang out is so easy and makes going to the dining hall a lot less intimidating.

Related: 4 Great Ways to Make Friends at College

Remember to have fun in college. It’s the next four years of your life that you’ll always remember, so make the moments count and don’t be shy. You won’t regret it. Happy socializing!

Need some inspiration to help you connect with others on campus? Check out  Our Best Advice for Having Fun and Making Friends in College .

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About Sabrina Basile

Sabrina’s various scholarly accolades include Permanent Honor Roll status at The Aquinas Institute. She was secretary of her school’s chapter of National Honor Society and has had a couple of her personal poems published in various academic magazines. In her spare time, she can be found coaching soccer, exercising, learning other languages, and indulging in her love of photography.

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Did Karen Read murder her cop boyfriend, or was she framed? A jury will decide.

Karen Read is on trial, accused of murdering John O’Keefe, her then-boyfriend and a Boston police officer. The defense argues it was a coverup. Here’s what to know.

A previous version of this article incorrectly said that witnesses at a party told the court they saw Karen Read's vehicle hit her boyfriend, John O'Keefe. The court did not hear eyewitness testimony. The article has been corrected.

The murder trial of Karen Read — which for months has captured outsize interest, including from true-crime fans across the nation — is on the verge of a conclusion.

Jurors have been instructed to reach a verdict on the fate of Read, a former adjunct professor. They will decide whether the evidence supports that she reversed her vehicle to fatally strike her boyfriend, Boston police officer John O’Keefe — or if, as the defense has argued, she is the victim of a coverup by his law enforcement colleagues to protect another potential suspect.

Here’s what to know about the case.

Highlights of the case

• Read — a former equity analyst and adjunct professor at her alma mater Bentley College, in Waltham, Mass. — was charged with second-degree murder, which carries a maximum penalty of life in prison. She faced additional charges of manslaughter while operating under the influence of alcohol, which carries a potential penalty of five to 20 years in prison, and leaving a scene of personal injury and death, which has a maximum penalty of 10 years imprisonment. She denied all charges.
• Read and her boyfriend O’Keefe, 46, had been drinking heavily and barhopping with friends on the night of Jan. 28, 2022, according to court testimonies reported by the Associated Press. Read dropped O’Keefe off at the house of his friend — fellow Boston police officer Brian Albert — for a party in the town of Canton just before 12:30 a.m. on Jan. 29.
• The prosecution argued Read and O’Keefe were in a rocky romance and that she had argued with O’Keefe before dropping him at the party. The prosecution contended that Read hit O’Keefe with her Lexus SUV while making a three-point turn and then drove away, and argued that vehicle data from Read’s SUV along with a broken taillight and hair on the vehicle’s bumper support this.
• The defense argued that O’Keefe was beaten up at the house party in Canton and wounded before being thrown outside onto the lawn in a snowstorm and framed to appear as if struck by Read. They contend that Albert’s house was never searched for signs of a fight involving O’Keefe, and pointed to conflicts of interest among investigators in the case and those at the party. The prosecution denied any police coverup or conspiracy.

More background

O’Keefe, who had been a Boston police officer for 16 years, was found unresponsive outside Albert’s home and later pronounced dead at a hospital on Jan. 29, 2022. An autopsy found he had died of hypothermia and blunt force trauma. Read and O’Keefe dated for about two years before his death.

Central to the prosecution’s case was testimony from several first responders that they had heard Read yell: “I hit him. I hit him. Oh my God. I hit him.” Prosecutors, according to the AP , also point to angry phone messages that Read allegedly sent to O’Keefe hours before he died, and a voice message she left O’Keefe moments after she drove away from the house party in which they said she was “seething in rage” and screaming at O’Keefe.

Defense lawyers for Read said O’Keefe was beaten up inside Albert’s home and bitten by Albert’s dog before being brought outside, citing evidence of dog scratches on his body alongside his injuries. They argued Read was a “convenient outsider” framed for his murder and the subject of an elaborate law enforcement coverup to protect the real killer, whom they do not name but imply was at the party. Read did not take the stand during the trial. She told reporters outside the court Tuesday: “There is no case against me … after eight weeks, it’s smoke and mirrors, and it’s going through my private life and trying to contrive a motive that was never there.”

Another point of contention was connections between now retired officer Albert and the state trooper who led the investigation, Michael Proctor — who has acknowledged sending offensive messages about Read to his friends, family and fellow troopers during the investigation.

Proctor admitted making comments to supervisors about not finding nude photos of Read while looking through her phone, the AP reported . He told the court his remarks had no influence on the investigation and has apologized for his language. Read’s lawyers have also argued there had been several conflicts of interest in the investigation of the case, including that many people attending the house party knew the investigators.

Medical evidence presented to the court was divided. Some experts testified that they would have expected more bruising if O’Keefe had been hit by a heavy vehicle and suggested he had scratch marks on his arm consistent with dog bites, while others said the injuries were consistent with being hit by a large car.

Polarized reaction

The case has fascinated those watching nationally and struck a chord in the Massachusetts region. Dozens of Read supporters wearing pink flocked outside Norfolk Superior Court in Dedham, Mass., in solidarity with Read.

“She was unjustly charged,” Vicki Walkling, a Read supporter, told the AP. “This case has enraptured everybody because it’s unfair. It could happen to any one of us. Any one of us could be framed for a murder we did not commit.”

Others have been holding placards seeking “Justice for John” and accused Read of lying and murder.

What’s next

Testimony in the trial began April 29, and the court heard from 74 witnesses in total, according to Courthouse News Service.

Closing arguments were heard on Tuesday June 25, and the jury began deliberating on its verdict. It is expected to reach a conclusion soon.

A previous version of this article was inadvertently published before it was ready. This is the current version of the article.