self esteem insecurity essay

Essay on Insecurity and Self-Esteem

Insecurity drills a hole into a person’s heart, minimizes their integrity, and accumulates as plaque build up, hindering any kind of future growth. Just as any human being’s growth is stifled by the insecurity within them, the United States as a whole suffers the same from its own tremendous amount of insecurity. This lack of acknowledgement of self-worth causes a ghastly chain reaction; people tend to pursue the wrong ideals, become corrupt, and inevitably lead themselves to their own demise. Insecurity is a route to destruction, and America is speeding down that road to dissolution. The dictionary’s definition of insecurity is: “ uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence”("Insecurity," Oxford English …show more content…

Now, considering this aspect, one realizes how a person can not function with insecurity and low self-esteem; so then, a whole country trying to function and grow with its insecurity and low self-esteem is simply impossible. Insecurity in America exists in many forms as well as in many areas of the American culture. The main places in which insecurity permeates from are stereotyping, the media, and worst of all, condemnation by peers. With all these different types ways in which one can be provoked, it is no wonder much of America suffers from low self-esteem. Since America is a large melting-pot of cultures, unfortunately it comes with much stereotyping. Many people simply look at eachother, and based on prior situations, stereotype the person in front of them. While doing so, they don't realize how detrimental they are being to that person’s future. When one downgrades another, they not only hurt them emotionally, but hinder them from every growing as individuals. For example, in the United States , not too much time back, African Americans were constantly stereotyped as less than human . No one expected anything of them, and constantly put them down, so for that reason alone, many simply gave up, and just fell into the stereotype. If you address someone as a certain person for long enough, they will give you what you expect of them. Because of this reason, many Americans have simply given up and fallen into whatever

Scarlet Letter Integrity

Insecurity is something most people have witnessed at some point in their lives. Insecurity is the act of feeling inferior to everyone else, or frankly unconfident of oneself. A variety of people around me are able to mettle with this issue, but a small percentage aren’t. When it comes to insecurity, I am practically the queen because I just can’t seem to accept myself for who I am or have become since childhood. I have an absolute hatred towards for myself, and whenever the opportunity is present, I find something to criticize my myself for. The act is almost identical to being the most judgmental person in the world, with the exception that you are aiming the insults at yourself instead of others. I always have to insult myself and can never accept the actions I have made. There is always something wrong, something I could have done better or a detail I misplaced when doing something of great importance. I feel myself lacking some sort of greater potential that will lead me to perfection. The ironic part? I know that perfection is an impossible feat but I was raised so strictly on the idea of reaching perfection that avoiding the achievement is not an option. Thus, this is my greatest flaw and I am recognized through society as the person who can not stay positive or accept myself for

Self Esteem Essay

How can a person overcome depression is a common question in society. Though, what many do not consider when responding to this question is how a person's self esteem contributes to depression. Self esteem revolves around a person's feelings about themselves. If self esteem is not focused on in a person's life, it can contribute to negative feelings about oneself, which can be a continuous feeling throughout a person's life. With a low self esteem, people lose confidence in their decision making and therefore start to not believe in themselves. Thus, building a positive self esteem should be focused on in a child's adolescents because it is a time of major development in a person's life. Therefore, with a positive self esteem from a young

The Problem Of Self Esteem

Most people face self esteem problems at different levels. At some point in life people face this problem without realizing it. In the essay The Trouble with Self-Esteem written by Lauren Slater starts of by demonstrating a test. Self esteem test that determines whether you have a high self-esteem or low self-esteem. The question to be answered however is; what is the value and meaning of self-esteem? The trouble with self-esteem is that not everyone approaches it properly, taking a test or doing research based of a certain group of people is not the way to do so.

Low Self Esteem Essay

The concept of self esteem is widespread in life. When it comes to academics and extracurricular actives people associate high self esteem is necessary for success. Society makes promoting self esteem an important goal. With that in mind, it is surprising that only recently scientific literature began providing insight into the nature of development of self esteem.

Unit 11 p6 and m3

It is said that we internalise information we gain from the world and then we build it into our sense of self. In other words, when we human are praised and shown love and respect we gain high self-esteem and we forget about it and it doesn’t bother us. However, when we are cussed and something bad is said about us, we tend to think about it not forgetting it and those who experience this would have a low self-esteem. It is also said that those with low self-esteem others can increase it.

Low Self-Esteem To The 1970's

Some will argue that low self-esteem never was a time but that it’s a figment of imaginations. However, researchers have proven the increasing rate of low self-esteem. And if it is a recent issue, how come it is such a big issue. Or if it is a figment of imagination, then why do people face this problem different and why do they handle it differently?

An Army One Me Analysis

During the 60s and 70s, the revolution of the enhancement of self-esteem came into existence into the United States’ society. Jean Twenge’s article “An Army One: Me”, she discusses how the forced instilling of self-esteem, especially in small children, has caused the current generation to develop narcissistic qualities. One would presume that by the promotion of narcissism, we would inevitably discontinue the promotion of self-esteem. However, self-esteem plays a vital role in humanity’s search for

Construct Development and Scale Creation Essay

Base on the self confidence survey, we can realize that a person’s level of self confidence recognizes that she/he is responsible for the decisions that she/he makes. If a person believes they can achieve something, then they will. But low esteem will pull them down and it will be

Amee Latour's Article Analysis

Self-esteem is essentially how you feel about yourself and how you judge your value. It is a state of mind that can be changed. These days many people are having low self-esteem issues. In this article by Amee LaTour, she has talked about what are the causes of low self-esteem. She presents her points in the form of an article. This paper will review Amee LaTour’s arguments and will assess the quality of her writing and concentrate on any zones of shortcomings in this article.

Healing The Hurt Within Analysis

Self-esteem is a highly valued attribute of human personality. However, it is less mercurial than the ups and downs associated with everyday mood changes. Due to the increasing population finding themselves within various cycles of diminishing self-worth, high self-esteem has become less common today than in the past. These cycles, the most prominent being the cycles of media, perfection, and abuse, continuously revolve around themselves and lower the esteem of those within them. The root of low self-esteem lies within reversible social and psychological cycles of cause and effect, and only with the breaking of these cycles can self-esteem be improved.

Irish American Drinking Habits in Literature and in Popular Culture: A Self-Defeating Cycle

Stereotypes are not hard to come by in popular American culture, and truly in popular cultures the world over. Human beings seem programmed to make quick and superficial judgments about anyone who is or who simply appears to be "different" or "other than" oneself, equating race, ethnicity, skin color, and/or country of origin with a set of specific attitudes, values, and behaviors that are often insultingly oversimplified and incorrect. The United States has had more than its share of struggles with accepting newcomers and dealing with minorities of all stripes, possibly due to the fact that the nation has a rich history of immense immigration that has led to higher levels of multi-ethnic and multicultural interactions and social pressures than have existed in many other nations.

Glamour In Walden

This quote also goes to both males and females in our society. Most females that I know that come to this school get insecure when they feel they are putting on a little weight or having some acne on their face. While on the other hand males that I know get insecure when they feel they are not needed or even some get insecure from not getting enough attention from someone they want attention from.

Insecurity Problem

Though it is weaker, it is still competing with my insecurity to be lens with which I view the world. In nature when two species compete to have the same niche, or position in an environment, one species goes extinct. By feeding my self-confidence, I hope to let it enjoy my perceptions. I know insecurities are like other parasites and they come from others when we are young. Hearing other people say horrible things about me caused me to nurse insecurity. Every time insecurity snarls a suspicion about a person yanking its leash is necessary to discipline the

Self-Thrubt

Self-doubt is the pinnacle of disappointment. Under the category of "disappointment", self-doubt is the main subject to where people mostly project about themselves. Some people,

My Personal Feelings of Self Worth Essay

People’s self-esteem either high or low is shaped by their life experiences. I believe a person’s self-esteem begins to take shape at an early age, with their parents being a major influence. Kind, positive, knowledgeable and caring parents help children create a positive self-image. Parents who do not feel good about themselves or others, sometimes take it out on their childern by belittling them or discouraging them. This leads the child down a path of self-doubt and eventually given the right circumstances a lower self-esteem.

Related Topics

• F. Scott Fitzgerald
• United States
• The Great Gatsby

Personal Narrative Essay: Insecurity and Self-Esteem

I've caught myself trying to define what 'breaking away' actually meant . This surely wasn't the first time I've pondered about it like my life depended on it , turns out it did . Being a teenager with serious self-esteem issues, the thought of breaking away from my self-depreciating ways ran around my mind quite often . I couldn't get by a single day without doubting myself and my abilities

Yes, breaking away from habits are hard but it must be given serious attention . Back sliding, thoughts about giving up, your body threatening to give away , your mind flooding with doubts and the trust you had slowly fading away - these are the steps which are inevitable when you're desperately trying to break away from a habit . I've had a firsthand experience trying to break away from the constant battles inside my mind .

Being young comes with vulnerability, naive beliefs and a whole lot of insecurities. The battles I fought with myself, the wars waging in my mind ,  trying to break away from how insecure I was when I made a decision was the type of 'breaking away ' I was stuck in . I was and probably still am the most lost teenager to ever live on this planet. I wake up , put on a smile which made me look friendly , decide which 'me' I would be that day and head out blindly with no sense of direction and purpose. My days were were as mundane as possible and gave off a monotonous vibe , I used to cower away from the challenges and lived in my small safety bubble . 

Yes, there were times when when I had the sudden urge to change my life , random outbursts of emotions begging me to break free from my boring life .I didn't want a small change , I wanted , no , I needed a drastic Change in my life void of dreams . I realised how important it was to have a purpose in life and not waste it away . I wanted a more challenging life , the almost extinguished fire inside me stirring, waiting to be unleashed.

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What Is Healthy Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is what we think of ourselves. When it’s positive, we have confidence and self-respect. We’re content with ourselves and our abilities, in who we are and our competence. Self-esteem is relatively stable and enduring, though it can fluctuate. Healthy self-esteem makes us resilient and hopeful about life.

Self-Esteem Impacts Everything

Self-esteem affects not only what we think, but also how we feel and behave. It and has significant ramifications for our happiness and enjoyment of life. It considerably affects events in our life, including our relationships, our work and goals, and how we care for ourselves and our children.

Although difficult events, such as a breakups , illness, or loss of income, may in the short term moderate our self-esteem, we soon rebound to think positively about ourselves and our future. Even when we fail, it doesn’t diminish our self-esteem. People with healthy self-esteem credit themselves when things go right, and when they don’t, they consider external causes and also honestly evaluate their mistakes and shortcomings. Then they improve upon them.

Healthy vs. Impaired Self-Esteem

I prefer to use the terms healthy and impaired self-esteem, rather than high and low, because narcissists and conceited individuals who appear to have high self-esteem actually don’t. Theirs is inflated, compensates for shame and insecurity, and is often unrelated to reality. Boasting is an example, because it indicates that the person is dependent on others’ opinion of them and reveals impaired rather than healthy self-esteem. Thus, healthy self-esteem requires that we’re able to honestly and a realistically assess our strengths and weaknesses. We’re not too concerned about others’ opinions of us. When we accept our flaws without judgment, our self-acceptance goes beyond self-esteem.

Impaired Self-Esteem

Impaired self-esteem negatively impacts our ability to manage adversity and life’s disappointments. All of our relationships are affected, including our relationship with ourselves. When our self-esteem is impaired, we feel insecure, compare ourselves to others, and doubt and criticize ourselves. We neither recognize our worth, nor honor and express our needs and wants. Instead, we may self-sacrifice, defer to others, or try to control them and/or their feelings toward us to feel better about ourselves. For example, we might people-please , manipulate , or devalue them, provoke jealousy , or restrict their association with others. Consciously or unconsciously, we devalue ourselves, including our positive skills and attributes, making us hyper-sensitive to criticism. We may also be afraid to try new things, because we might fail.

Symptoms of Healthy and Impaired Self-Esteem

The following chart lists symptoms that reflect healthy vs. impaired self-esteem. Remember that self-esteem varies on a continuum. It’s not black or white. You may relate to some, but not all.

The Cause of Impaired Self-Esteem

Growing up in a dysfunctional family can lead to codependency as an adult. It also weakens your self-esteem. Often you don’t have a voice. Your opinions and desires aren’t taken seriously. Parents usually have low self-esteem and are unhappy with each other. They themselves neither have nor model good relationship skills, including cooperation, healthy boundaries, assertiveness, and conflict resolution. They may be abusive, controlling, interfering, manipulative, indifferent, inconsistent, or just preoccupied. Directly or indirectly, they may shame their children’s feelings and personal traits, feelings, and needs. It’s not safe to be, to trust, and to express themselves.

Children feel insecure, anxious, and/or angry. As a result, they feel emotionally abandoned and conclude that they are at fault — not good enough to be acceptable to both parents. (They might still believe that they’re loved.) Eventually, they don’t like themselves and feel inferior or inadequate. They grow up codependent with low self-esteem and learn to hide their feelings, walk on eggshells, withdraw, and try to please or become aggressive. This reflects how toxic shame becomes internalized.

Shame runs deeper than self-esteem. It’s a profoundly painful emotion rather than a mental evaluation. Underlying toxic shame can lead to impaired or low self-esteem and other negative thoughts and feelings. It’s not just that we lack confidence, but we might believe that we’re bad, worthless, inferior, or unlovable. It creates feelings of false guilt and fear and hopelessness, at times, and feeling irredeemable. Shame is a major cause of depression and can lead to self-destructive behavior, eating disorders, addiction, and aggression.

Shame causes shame anxiety about anticipating shame in the future, usually in the form of rejection or judgment by other people. Shame anxiety makes it difficult to try new things, have intimate relationships, be spontaneous, or take risks. Sometimes, we don’t realize that it’s not others’ judgments or rejection we fear, but our failure to meet our own unrealistic standards. We judge ourselves harshly for mistakes than others would. This pattern is very self-destructive with perfectionists. Our self-judgment can paralyze us so that we’re indecisive, because our internal critic will judge us no matter what we decide!

Relationships

Our relationship with ourselves provides a template for our relationships with others. It impacts our relationship happiness. Self-esteem determines our communication style, boundaries, and our ability to be intimate. Research indicates that a partner with healthy self-esteem can positively influence his or her partner’s self-esteem, but also shows that low self-esteem portends a negative outcome for the relationship. This can become a self-reinforcing cycle of abandonment lowering self-esteem.

Impaired self-esteem hinders our ability to speak up about our wants and needs and share vulnerable feelings. This compromises honesty and intimacy. As a result of insecurity, shame, and impaired self-esteem as children, we may have developed an attachment style that, to varying degrees, is anxious or avoidant and makes intimacy challenging. We pursue or distance ourselves from our partner and are usually attracted to someone who also has an insecure attachment style.

Generally, we allow others to treat us the manner in which we believe we deserve. When we don’t respect and honor ourselves, we won’t expect to be treated with respect and might accept abuse or withholding behavior. Similarly, we may give more than we receive in our relationships and overdo at work. Our inner critic can be judgmental of others, too. When we’re critical of our partner or highly defensive, it makes it difficult to problem-solve. Insecure self-esteem can also make us suspicious, needy, or demanding of our partner.

Raising Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is generally determined by our teens. Some of us struggle all our lives with impaired self-esteem and even the resulting depression. But we can change and build healthy self-esteem. Raising self-esteem means getting to know and love yourself — building a relationship, as you would with a friend — and becoming your own best friend. This takes attentive listening, quiet time, and commitment. The alternative is to be lost at sea, continually trying to prove or improve yourself or win someone’s love, while never feeling truly lovable or enough — like something is missing.

It’s difficult to get outside our own thoughts and beliefs to see ourselves from another perspective. Therapy can help us change how we think, act, and what we believe. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to raise self-esteem. It’s more powerful when combined with meditation that increases self-awareness. Some things you can do:

• Recognize the Signs. Be able to spot clues that your self-esteem needs uplifting. Many people think they have good self-esteem. They may be talented, beautiful, or successful, but still lack self-esteem.
• Root Out False Beliefs. Learn how to identify and deprogram false beliefs and behaviors you want to change and those you want to implement.
• Identify Cognitive Distortions. Impaired self-esteem can cause us to skew and distort reality. Learn to identify and challenge your cognitive distortions .
• Journal. Journaling has been shown to elevate mood and decrease depression. Keeping a journal can also help you to monitor your interactions with others and your negative self-talk.
• Heal Toxic Shame. If you believe you suffer from codependency and shame, learn more about it and do the exercises in Conquering Shame and Codependency .

Last medically reviewed on May 10, 2019

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Essay on Self Esteem

Students are often asked to write an essay on Self Esteem in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Self Esteem

Understanding self-esteem.

Self-esteem is the opinion we have about ourselves. It’s about how much we value and respect ourselves. High self-esteem means you think highly of yourself, while low self-esteem means you don’t.

Importance of Self-Esteem

Building self-esteem.

Building self-esteem requires positive self-talk, self-acceptance, and self-love. It’s about focusing on your strengths, forgiving your mistakes, and celebrating your achievements.

250 Words Essay on Self Esteem

Introduction.

Self-esteem, a fundamental concept in psychology, refers to an individual’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of their own worth. It encompasses beliefs about oneself and emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame. It is a critical aspect of personal identity, shaping our perception of the world and our place within it.

The Dual Facet of Self-Esteem

Impact of self-esteem.

High self-esteem can lead to positive outcomes. It encourages risk-taking, resilience, and optimism, fostering success in various life domains. Conversely, low self-esteem can result in fear of failure, social anxiety, and susceptibility to mental health issues like depression. Thus, it’s crucial to nurture self-esteem for psychological well-being.

Building self-esteem involves recognizing one’s strengths and weaknesses and accepting them. It requires self-compassion and challenging negative self-perceptions. Positive affirmations, setting and achieving goals, and maintaining healthy relationships can all contribute to enhancing self-esteem.

In conclusion, self-esteem is a complex, multifaceted construct that significantly influences our lives. It is not static and can be improved with conscious effort. Understanding and nurturing our self-esteem is vital for achieving personal growth and leading a fulfilling life.

500 Words Essay on Self Esteem

Self-esteem, a fundamental aspect of psychological health, is the overall subjective emotional evaluation of one’s self-worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. The importance of self-esteem lies in the fact that it concerns our perceptions and beliefs about ourselves, which can shape our experiences and actions.

The Two Types of Self-esteem

Self-esteem can be classified into two types: high and low. High self-esteem indicates a highly favorable impression of oneself, whereas low self-esteem reflects a negative view. People with high self-esteem generally feel good about themselves and value their worth, while those with low self-esteem usually harbor negative feelings about themselves, often leading to feelings of inadequacy, incompetence, and unlovability.

Factors Influencing Self-esteem

Impact of self-esteem on life.

Self-esteem significantly impacts individuals’ mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. High self-esteem can lead to positive outcomes, such as better stress management, resilience, and life satisfaction. On the other hand, low self-esteem is associated with mental health issues like depression and anxiety. It can also lead to poor academic and job performance, problematic relationships, and increased vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse.

Improving Self-esteem

Improving self-esteem requires a multifaceted approach. Cognitive-behavioral therapies can help individuals challenge their negative beliefs about themselves and develop healthier thought patterns. Regular physical activity, healthy eating, and adequate sleep can also boost self-esteem by improving physical health. Furthermore, positive social interactions and relationships can enhance self-esteem by providing emotional support and validation. Lastly, self-compassion and self-care practices can foster a more positive self-image and promote higher self-esteem.

In conclusion, self-esteem is a critical component of our psychological well-being, influencing our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It is shaped by various factors and can significantly impact our lives. However, it’s not a fixed attribute, and with the right strategies and support, individuals can improve their self-esteem, leading to better mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life. Therefore, understanding and fostering self-esteem is essential for personal growth and development.

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Article Contents

Introduction, identity development and the sources of negative self-esteem, outcomes of poor self-esteem, mechanisms linking self-esteem and health behavior, examples of school health promotion programs that foster self-esteem, self-esteem in a broad-spectrum approach for mental health promotion.

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Michal (Michelle) Mann, Clemens M. H. Hosman, Herman P. Schaalma, Nanne K. de Vries, Self-esteem in a broad-spectrum approach for mental health promotion, Health Education Research , Volume 19, Issue 4, August 2004, Pages 357–372, https://doi.org/10.1093/her/cyg041

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Self-evaluation is crucial to mental and social well-being. It influences aspirations, personal goals and interaction with others. This paper stresses the importance of self-esteem as a protective factor and a non-specific risk factor in physical and mental health. Evidence is presented illustrating that self-esteem can lead to better health and social behavior, and that poor self-esteem is associated with a broad range of mental disorders and social problems, both internalizing problems (e.g. depression, suicidal tendencies, eating disorders and anxiety) and externalizing problems (e.g. violence and substance abuse). We discuss the dynamics of self-esteem in these relations. It is argued that an understanding of the development of self-esteem, its outcomes, and its active protection and promotion are critical to the improvement of both mental and physical health. The consequences for theory development, program development and health education research are addressed. Focusing on self-esteem is considered a core element of mental health promotion and a fruitful basis for a broad-spectrum approach.

The most basic task for one's mental, emotional and social health, which begins in infancy and continues until one dies, is the construction of his/her positive self-esteem. [( Macdonald, 1994 ), p. 19]

Self-concept is defined as the sum of an individual's beliefs and knowledge about his/her personal attributes and qualities. It is classed as a cognitive schema that organizes abstract and concrete views about the self, and controls the processing of self-relevant information ( Markus, 1977 ; Kihlstrom and Cantor, 1983 ). Other concepts, such as self-image and self-perception, are equivalents to self-concept. Self-esteem is the evaluative and affective dimension of the self-concept, and is considered as equivalent to self-regard, self-estimation and self-worth ( Harter, 1999 ). It refers to a person's global appraisal of his/her positive or negative value, based on the scores a person gives him/herself in different roles and domains of life ( Rogers, 1981 ; Markus and Nurius, 1986 ). Positive self-esteem is not only seen as a basic feature of mental health, but also as a protective factor that contributes to better health and positive social behavior through its role as a buffer against the impact of negative influences. It is seen to actively promote healthy functioning as reflected in life aspects such as achievements, success, satisfaction, and the ability to cope with diseases like cancer and heart disease. Conversely, an unstable self-concept and poor self-esteem can play a critical role in the development of an array of mental disorders and social problems, such as depression, anorexia nervosa, bulimia, anxiety, violence, substance abuse and high-risk behaviors. These conditions not only result in a high degree of personal suffering, but also impose a considerable burden on society. As will be shown, prospective studies have highlighted low self-esteem as a risk factor and positive self-esteem as a protective factor. To summarize, self-esteem is considered as an influential factor both in physical and mental health, and therefore should be an important focus in health promotion; in particular, mental health promotion.

Health promotion refers to the process of enabling people to increase control over and improve their own health ( WHO, 1986 ). Subjective control as well as subjective health, each aspects of the self, are considered as significant elements of the health concept. Recognizing the existence of different views on the concept of mental health promotion, Sartorius (Sartorius, 1998), the former WHO Director of Mental Health, preferred to define it as a means by which individuals, groups or large populations can enhance their competence, self-esteem and sense of well-being. This view is supported by Tudor (Tudor, 1996) in his monograph on mental health promotion, where he presents self-concept and self-esteem as two of the core elements of mental health, and therefore as an important focus of mental health promotion.

This article aims to clarify how self-esteem is related to physical and mental health, both empirically and theoretically, and to offer arguments for enhancing self-esteem and self-concept as a major aspect of health promotion, mental health promotion and a ‘Broad-Spectrum Approach’ (BSA) in prevention.

The first section presents a review of the empirical evidence on the consequences of high and low self-esteem in the domains of mental health, health and social outcomes. The section also addresses the bi-directional nature of the relationship between self-esteem and mental health. The second section discusses the role of self-esteem in health promotion from a theoretical perspective. How are differentiations within the self-concept related to self-esteem and mental health? How does self-esteem relate to the currently prevailing theories in the field of health promotion and prevention? What are the mechanisms that link self-esteem to health and social outcomes? Several theories used in health promotion or prevention offer insight into such mechanisms. We discuss the role of positive self-esteem as a protective factor in the context of stressors, the developmental role of negative self-esteem in mental and social problems, and the role of self-esteem in models of health behavior. Finally, implications for designing a health-promotion strategy that could generate broad-spectrum outcomes through addressing common risk factors such as self-esteem are discussed. In this context, schools are considered an ideal setting for such broad-spectrum interventions. Some examples are offered of school programs that have successfully contributed to the enhancement of self-esteem, and the prevention of mental and social problems.

Self-esteem and mental well-being

Empirical studies over the last 15 years indicate that self-esteem is an important psychological factor contributing to health and quality of life ( Evans, 1997 ). Recently, several studies have shown that subjective well-being significantly correlates with high self-esteem, and that self-esteem shares significant variance in both mental well-being and happiness ( Zimmerman, 2000 ). Self-esteem has been found to be the most dominant and powerful predictor of happiness ( Furnham and Cheng, 2000 ). Indeed, while low self-esteem leads to maladjustment, positive self-esteem, internal standards and aspirations actively seem to contribute to ‘well-being’ ( Garmezy, 1984 ; Glick and Zigler, 1992 ). According to Tudor (Tudor, 1996), self-concept, identity and self-esteem are among the key elements of mental health.

Self-esteem, academic achievements and job satisfaction

The relationship between self-esteem and academic achievement is reported in a large number of studies ( Marsh and Yeung, 1997 ; Filozof et al. , 1998 ; Hay et al. , 1998 ). In the critical childhood years, positive feelings of self-esteem have been shown to increase children's confidence and success at school ( Coopersmith, 1967 ), with positive self-esteem being a predicting factor for academic success, e.g. reading ability ( Markus and Nurius, 1986 ). Results of a longitudinal study among elementary school children indicate that children with high self-esteem have higher cognitive aptitudes ( Adams, 1996 ). Furthermore, research has revealed that core self-evaluations measured in childhood and in early adulthood are linked to job satisfaction in middle age ( Judge et al. , 2000 ).

Self-esteem and coping with stress in combination with coping with physical disease

The protective nature of self-esteem is particularly evident in studies examining stress and/or physical disease in which self-esteem is shown to safeguard the individual from fear and uncertainty. This is reflected in observations of chronically ill individuals. It has been found that a greater feeling of mastery, efficacy and high self-esteem, in combination with having a partner and many close relationships, all have direct protective effects on the development of depressive symptoms in the chronically ill ( Penninx et al. , 1998 ). Self-esteem has also been shown to enhance an individual's ability to cope with disease and post-operative survival. Research on pre-transplant psychological variables and survival after bone marrow transplantation ( Broers et al. , 1998 ) indicates that high self-esteem prior to surgery is related to longer survival. Chang and Mackenzie ( Chang and Mackenzie, 1998 ) found that the level of self-esteem was a consistent factor in the prediction of the functional outcome of a patient after a stroke.

To conclude, positive self-esteem is associated with mental well-being, adjustment, happiness, success and satisfaction. It is also associated with recovery after severe diseases.

The evolving nature of self-esteem was conceptualized by Erikson ( Erikson, 1968 ) in his theory on the stages of psychosocial development in children, adolescents and adults. According to Erikson, individuals are occupied with their self-esteem and self-concept as long as the process of crystallization of identity continues. If this process is not negotiated successfully, the individual remains confused, not knowing who (s)he really is. Identity problems, such as unclear identity, diffused identity and foreclosure (an identity status based on whether or not adolescents made firm commitments in life. Persons classified as ‘foreclosed’ have made future commitments without ever experiencing the ‘crises’ of deciding what really suits them best), together with low self-esteem, can be the cause and the core of many mental and social problems ( Marcia et al. , 1993 ).

The development of self-esteem during childhood and adolescence depends on a wide variety of intra-individual and social factors. Approval and support, especially from parents and peers, and self-perceived competence in domains of importance are the main determinants of self-esteem [for a review, see ( Harter, 1999 )]. Attachment and unconditional parental support are critical during the phases of self-development. This is a reciprocal process, as individuals with positive self-esteem can better internalize the positive view of significant others. For instance, in their prospective study among young adolescents, Garber and Flynn ( Garber and Flynn, 2001 ) found that negative self-worth develops as an outcome of low maternal acceptance, a maternal history of depression and exposure to negative interpersonal contexts, such as negative parenting practices, early history of child maltreatment, negative feedback from significant others on one's competence, and family discord and disruption.

Other sources of negative self-esteem are discrepancies between competing aspects of the self, such as between the ideal and the real self, especially in domains of importance. The larger the discrepancy between the value a child assigns to a certain competence area and the perceived self-competence in that area, the lower the feeling of self-esteem ( Harter, 1999 ). Furthermore, discrepancies can exist between the self as seen by oneself and the self as seen by significant others. As implied by Harter ( Harter, 1999 ), this could refer to contrasts that might exist between self-perceived competencies and the lack of approval or support by parents or peers.

Finally, negative and positive feelings of self-worth could be the result of a cognitive, inferential process, in which children observe and evaluate their own behaviors and competencies in specific domains (self-efficacy). The poorer they evaluate their competencies, especially in comparison to those of their peers or to the standards of significant others, the more negative their self-esteem. Such self-monitoring processes can be negatively or positively biased by a learned tendency to negative or positive thinking ( Seligman et al. , 1995 ).

The outcomes of negative self-esteem can be manifold. Poor self-esteem can result in a cascade of diminishing self-appreciation, creating self-defeating attitudes, psychiatric vulnerability, social problems or risk behaviors. The empirical literature highlights the negative outcomes of low self-esteem. However, in several studies there is a lack of clarity regarding causal relations between self-esteem and problems or disorders ( Flay and Ordway, 2001 ). This is an important observation, as there is reason to believe that self-esteem should be examined not only as a cause, but also as a consequence of problem behavior. For example, on the one hand, children could have a negative view about themselves and that might lead to depressive feelings. On the other hand, depression or lack of efficient functioning could lead to feeling bad, which might decrease self-esteem. Although the directionality can work both ways, this article concentrates on the evidence for self-esteem as a potential risk factor for mental and social outcomes. Three clusters of outcomes can be differentiated. The first are mental disorders with internalizing characteristics, such as depression, eating disorders and anxiety. The second are poor social outcomes with externalizing characteristics including aggressive behavior, violence and educational exclusion. The third is risky health behavior such as drug abuse and not using condoms.

Self-esteem and internalizing mental disorders

Self-esteem plays a significant role in the development of a variety of mental disorders. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV), negative or unstable self-perceptions are a key component in the diagnostic criteria of major depressive disorders, manic and hypomanic episodes, dysthymic disorders, dissociative disorders, anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and in personality disorders, such as borderline, narcissistic and avoidant behavior. Negative self-esteem is also found to be a risk factor, leading to maladjustment and even escapism. Lacking trust in themselves, individuals become unable to handle daily problems which, in turn, reduces the ability to achieve maximum potential. This could lead to an alarming deterioration in physical and mental well-being. A decline in mental health could result in internalizing problem behavior such as depression, anxiety and eating disorders. The outcomes of low self-esteem for these disorders are elaborated below.

Depressed moods, depression and suicidal tendencies

The clinical literature suggests that low self-esteem is related to depressed moods ( Patterson and Capaldi, 1992 ), depressive disorders ( Rice et al. , 1998 ; Dori and Overholser, 1999 ), hopelessness, suicidal tendencies and attempted suicide ( Overholser et al. , 1995 ). Correlational studies have consistently shown a significant negative relationship between self-esteem and depression ( Beck et al. , 1990 ; Patton, 1991 ). Campbell et al. ( Campbell et al. , 1991 ) found individual appraisal of events to be clearly related to their self-esteem. Low self-esteem subjects rated their daily events as less positive and negative life events as being more personally important than high self-esteem subjects. Individuals with high self-esteem made more stable and global internal attributions for positive events than for negative events, leading to the reinforcement of their positive self-image. Subjects low in self-esteem, however, were more likely to associate negative events to stable and global internal attributions, and positive events to external factors and luck ( Campbell et al. , 1991 ). There is a growing body of evidence that individuals with low self-esteem more often report a depressed state, and that there is a link between dimensions of attributional style, self-esteem and depression ( Abramson et al. , 1989 ; Hammen and Goodman-Brown, 1990 ).

Some indications of the causal role of self-esteem result from prospective studies. In longitudinal studies, low self-esteem during childhood ( Reinherz et al. , 1993 ), adolescence ( Teri, 1982 ) and early adulthood ( Wilhelm et al. , 1999 ) was identified as a crucial predictor of depression later in life. Shin ( Shin, 1993 ) found that when cumulative stress, social support and self-esteem were introduced subsequently in regression analysis, of the latter two, only self-esteem accounted for significant additional variance in depression. In addition, Brown et al. ( Brown et al. , 1990 ) showed that positive self-esteem, although closely associated with inadequate social support, plays a role as a buffer factor. There appears to be a pathway from not living up to personal standards, to low self-esteem and to being depressed ( Harter, 1986 , 1990 ; Higgins, 1987 , 1989 ; Baumeister, 1990 ). Alternatively, another study indicated that when examining the role of life events and difficulties, it was found that total level of stress interacted with low self-esteem in predicting depression, whereas self-esteem alone made no direct contribution ( Miller et al. , 1989 ). To conclude, results of cross-sectional and longitudinal studies have shown that low self-esteem is predictive of depression.

The potentially detrimental impact of low self-esteem in depressive disorders stresses the significance of Seligman's recent work on ‘positive psychology’. His research indicates that teaching children to challenge their pessimistic thoughts whilst increasing positive subjective thinking (and bolstering self-esteem) can reduce the risk of pathologies such as depression ( Seligman, 1995 ; Seligman et al. , 1995 ; Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi, 2000 ).

Other internalizing disorders

Although low self-esteem is most frequently associated with depression, a relationship has also been found with other internalizing disorders, such as anxiety and eating disorders. Research results indicate that self-esteem is inversely correlated with anxiety and other signs of psychological and physical distress ( Beck et al. , 2001 ). For example, Ginsburg et al. ( Ginsburg et al. , 1998 ) observed a low level of self-esteem in highly socially anxious children. Self-esteem was shown to serve the fundamental psychological function of buffering anxiety, with the pursuit of self-esteem as a defensive avoidance tool against basic human fears. This mechanism of defense has become evident in research with primary ( Ginsburg et al. , 1998 ) and secondary school children ( Fickova, 1999 ). In addition, empirical studies have shown that bolstering self-esteem in adults reduces anxiety ( Solomon et al. , 2000 ).

The critical role of self-esteem during school years is clearly reflected in studies on eating disorders. At this stage in life, weight, body shape and dieting behavior become intertwined with identity. Researchers have reported low self-esteem as a risk factor in the development of eating disorders in female school children and adolescents ( Fisher et al. , 1994 ; Smolak et al. , 1996 ; Shisslak et al. , 1998 ), as did prospective studies ( Vohs et al. , 2001 ). Low self-esteem also seems predictive of the poor outcome of treatment in such disorders, as has been found in a recent 4-year prospective follow-up study among adolescent in-patients with bulimic characteristics ( van der Ham et al. , 1998 ). The significant influence of self-esteem on body image has led to programs in which the promotion of self-esteem is used as a main preventive tool in eating disorders ( St Jeor, 1993 ; Vickers, 1993 ; Scarano et al. , 1994 ).

To sum up, there is a systematic relation between self-esteem and internalizing problem behavior. Moreover, there is enough prospective evidence to suggest that poor self-esteem might contribute to deterioration of internalizing problem behavior while improvement of self-esteem could prevent such deterioration.

Self-esteem, externalizing problems and other poor social outcomes

For more than two decades, scientists have studied the relationship between self-esteem and externalizing problem behaviors, such as aggression, violence, youth delinquency and dropping out of school. The outcomes of self-esteem for these disorders are described below.

Violence and aggressive behavior

While the causes of such behaviors are multiple and complex, many researchers have identified self-esteem as a critical factor in crime prevention, rehabilitation and behavioral change ( Kressly, 1994 ; Gilbert, 1995 ). In a recent longitudinal questionnaire study among high-school adolescents, low self-esteem was one of the key risk factors for problem behavior ( Jessor et al. , 1998 ).

Recent studies confirm that high self-esteem is significantly associated with less violence ( Fleming et al. , 1999 ; Horowitz, 1999 ), while a lack of self-esteem significantly increases the risk of violence and gang membership ( Schoen, 1999 ). Results of a nationwide study of bullying behavior in Ireland show that children who were involved in bullying as either bullies, victims or both had significantly lower self-esteem than other children ( Schoen, 1999 ). Adolescents with low self-esteem were found to be more vulnerable to delinquent behavior. Interestingly, delinquency was positively associated with inflated self-esteem among these adolescents after performing delinquent behavior ( Schoen, 1999 ). According to Kaplan's self-derogation theory of delinquency (Kaplan, 1975), involvement in delinquent behavior with delinquent peers can increase children's self-esteem and sense of belonging. It was also found that individuals with extremely high levels of self-esteem and narcissism show high tendencies to express anger and aggression ( Baumeister et al. , 2000 ). To conclude, positive self-esteem is associated with less aggressive behavior. Although most studies in the field of aggressive behavior, violence and delinquency are correlational, there is some prospective evidence that low self-esteem is a risk factor in the development of problem behavior. Interestingly, low self-esteem as well as high and inflated self-esteem are both associated with the development of aggressive symptoms.

School dropout

Dropping out from the educational system could also reflect rebellion or antisocial behavior resulting from identity diffusion (an identity status based on whether or not adolescents made firm commitments in life. Adolescents classified as ‘diffuse’ have not yet thought about identity issues or, having thought about them, have failed to make any firm future oriented commitments). For instance, Muha ( Muha, 1991 ) has shown that while self-image and self-esteem contribute to competent functioning in childhood and adolescence, low self-esteem can lead to problems in social functioning and school dropout. The social consequences of such problem behaviors may be considerable for both the individual and the wider community. Several prevention programs have reduced the dropout rate of students at risk ( Alice, 1993 ; Andrews, 1999 ). All these programs emphasize self-esteem as a crucial element in dropout prevention.

Self-esteem and risk behavior

The impact of self-esteem is also evident in risk behavior and physical health. In a longitudinal study, Rouse ( Rouse, 1998 ) observed that resilient adolescents had higher self-esteem than their non-resilient peers and that they were less likely to initiate a variety of risk behaviors. Positive self-esteem is considered as a protective factor against substance abuse. Adolescents with more positive self-concepts are less likely to use alcohol or drugs ( Carvajal et al. , 1998 ), while those suffering with low self-esteem are at a higher risk for drug and alcohol abuse, and tobacco use ( Crump et al. , 1997 ; Jones and Heaven, 1998 ). Carvajal et al. ( Carvajal et al. , 1998 ) showed that optimism, hope and positive self-esteem are determinants of avoiding substance abuse by adolescents, mediated by attitudes, perceived norms and perceived behavioral control. Although many studies support the finding that improving self-esteem is an important component of substance abuse prevention ( Devlin, 1995 ; Rodney et al. , 1996 ), some studies found no support for the association between self-esteem and heavy alcohol use ( Poikolainen et al. , 2001 ).

Empirical evidence suggests that positive self-esteem can also lead to behavior which is protective against contracting AIDS, while low self-esteem contributes to vulnerability to HIV/AIDS ( Rolf and Johnson, 1992 ; Somali et al. , 2001 ). The risk level increases in cases where subjects have low self-esteem and where their behavior reflects efforts to be accepted by others or to gain attention, either positively or negatively ( Reston, 1991 ). Lower self-esteem was also related to sexual risk-taking and needle sharing among homeless ethnic-minority women recovering from drug addiction ( Nyamathi, 1991 ). Abel ( Abel, 1998 ) observed that single females whose partners did not use condoms had lower self-esteem than single females whose partners did use condoms. In a study of gay and/or bisexual men, low self-esteem proved to be one of the factors that made it difficult to reduce sexual risk behavior ( Paul et al. , 1993 ).

To summarize, the literature reveals a number of studies showing beneficial outcomes of positive self-esteem, and conversely, negative outcomes of poor self-esteem, especially in adolescents. Prospective studies and intervention studies have shown that self-esteem can be a causal factor in depression, anxiety, eating disorders, delinquency, school dropout, risk behavior, social functioning, academic success and satisfaction. However, the cross-sectional character of many other studies does not exclude that low self-esteem can also be considered as an important consequence of such disorders and behavioral problems.

To assess the implications of these findings for mental health promotion and preventive interventions, more insight is needed into the antecedents of poor self-esteem, and the mechanisms that link self-esteem to mental, physical and social outcomes.

What are the mechanisms that link self-esteem to health and social outcomes? Several theories used in health promotion or prevention offer insight into such mechanisms. In this section we discuss the role of positive self-esteem as a protective factor in the context of stressors, the developmental role of negative self-esteem in mental and social problems, and the role of self-esteem in models of health behavior.

Positive thinking about oneself as a protective factor in the context of stressors

People have a need to think positively about themselves, to defend and to improve their positive self-esteem, and even to overestimate themselves. Self-esteem represents a motivational force that influences perceptions and coping behavior. In the context of negative messages and stressors, positive self-esteem can have various protective functions.

Research on optimism confirms that a somewhat exaggerated sense of self-worth facilitates mastery, leading to better mental health ( Seligman, 1995 ). Evidence suggests that positive self-evaluations, exaggerated perception of control or mastery and unrealistic optimism are all characteristic of normal human thought, and that certain delusions may contribute to mental health and well-being ( Taylor and Brown, 1988 ). The mentally healthy person appears to have the capacity to distort reality in a direction that protects and enhances self-esteem. Conversely, individuals who are moderately depressed or low in self-esteem consistently display an absence of such enhancing delusions. Self-esteem could thus be said to serve as a defense mechanism that promotes well-being by protecting internal balance. Jahoda ( Jahoda, 1958 ) also included the ‘adequate perception of reality’ as a basic element of mental health. The degree of such a defense, however, has its limitations. The beneficial effect witnessed in reasonably well-balanced individuals becomes invalid in cases of extreme self-esteem and significant distortions of the self-concept. Seligman ( Seligman, 1995 ) claimed that optimism should not be based on unrealistic or heavily biased perceptions.

Viewing yourself positively can also be regarded as a very important psychological resource for coping. We include in this category those general and specific beliefs that serve as a basis for hope and that sustain coping efforts in the face of the most adverse condition… Hope can exist only when such beliefs make a positive outcome seem possible, if not probable. [( Lazarus and Folkman, 1984 ), p. 159]

Incidence = organic causes and stressors/competence, coping skills, self-esteem and social support

Identity, self-esteem, and the development of externalizing and internalizing problems

Erikson's ( Erikson, 1965 , 1968 ) theory on the stages of psychosocial development in children, adolescents, and adults and Herbert's flow chart ( Herbert, 1987 ) focus on the vicissitudes of identity and the development of unhealthy mental and social problems. According to these theories, when a person is enduringly confused about his/her own identity, he/she may possess an inherent lack of self-reassurance which results in either a low level of self-esteem or in unstable self-esteem and feelings of insecurity. However, low self-esteem—likewise inflated self-esteem—can also lead to identity problems. Under circumstances of insecurity and low self-esteem, the individual evolves in one of two ways: he/she takes the active escape route or the passive avoidance route ( Herbert, 1987 ). The escape route is associated with externalizing behaviors: aggressive behavior, violence and school dropout, the seeking of reassurance in others through high-risk behavior, premature relationships, cults or gangs. Reassurance and security may also be sought through drugs, alcohol or food. The passive avoidance route is associated with internalizing factors: feelings of despair and depression. Extreme avoidance may even result in suicidal behavior.

Whether identity and self-esteem problems express themselves following the externalizing active escape route or the internalizing passive avoidance route is dependent on personality characteristics and circumstances, life events and social antecedents (e.g. gender and parental support) ( Hebert, 1987 ). Recent studies consistently show gender differences regarding externalizing and internalizing behaviors among others in a context of low self-esteem ( Block and Gjerde, 1986 ; Rolf et al. , 1990 ; Harter, 1999 ; Benjet and Hernandez-Guzman, 2001 ). Girls are more likely to have internalizing symptoms than boys; boys are more likely to have externalizing symptoms. Moreover, according to Harter ( Harter, 1999 ), in recent studies girls appear to be better than boys in positive self-evaluation in the domain of behavioral conduct. Self-perceived behavioral conduct is assessed as the individual view on how well behaved he/she is and how he/she views his/her behavior in accordance with social expectations ( Harter, 1999 ). Negative self-perceived behavioral conduct is also found to be an important factor in mediating externalizing problems ( Reda-Norton, 1995 ; Hoffman, 1999 ).

The internalization of parental approval or disapproval is critical during childhood and adolescence. Studies have identified parents' and peers' supportive reactions (e.g. involvement, positive reinforcement, and acceptance) as crucial determinants of children's self-esteem and adjustment ( Shadmon, 1998 ). In contrast to secure, harmonious parent–child relationships, poor family relationships are associated with internalizing problems and depression ( Kashubeck and Christensen, 1993 ; Oliver and Paull, 1995 ).

Self-esteem in health behavior models

Self-esteem also plays a role in current cognitive models of health behavior. Health education research based on the Theory of Planned Behavior ( Ajzen, 1991 ) has confirmed the role of self-efficacy as a behavioral determinant ( Godin and Kok, 1996 ). Self-efficacy refers to the subjective evaluation of control over a specific behavior. While self-concepts and their evaluations could be related to specific behavioral domains, self-esteem is usually defined as a more generic attitude towards the self. One can have high self-efficacy for a specific task or behavior, while one has a negative evaluation of self-worth and vice versa. Nevertheless, both concepts are frequently intertwined since people often try to develop self-efficacy in activities that give them self-worth ( Strecher et al. , 1986 ). Self-efficacy and self-esteem are therefore not identical, but nevertheless related. The development of self-efficacy in behavioral domains of importance can contribute to positive self-esteem. On the other hand, the levels of self-esteem and self-confidence can influence self-efficacy, as is assumed in stress and coping theories.

The Attitude–Social influence–self-Efficacy (ASE) model ( De Vries and Mudde, 1998 ; De Vries et al. , 1988a ) and the Theory of Triadic Influence (TTI) ( Flay and Petraitis, 1994 ) are recent theories that provide a broad perspective on health behavior. These theories include distal factors that influence proximal behavioral determinants ( De Vries et al. , 1998b ) and specify more distal streams of influence for each of the three core determinants in the Planned Behavior Model ( Azjen, 1991 ) (attitudes, self-efficacy and social normative beliefs). Each of these behavioral determinants is assumed to be moderated by several distal factors, including self-esteem and mental disorders.

The TTI regards self-esteem in the same sense as the ASE, as a distal factor. According to this theory, self-efficacy is influenced by personality characteristics, especially the ‘sense of self’, which includes self-integration, self-image and self-esteem ( Flay and Petraitis, 1994 ).

The Precede–Proceed model of Green and Kreuter (Green and Kreuter, 1991) for the planning of health education and health promotion also recognizes the role of self-esteem. The model directs health educators to specify characteristics of health problems, and to take multiple determinants of health and health-related behavior into account. It integrates an epidemiological, behavioral and environmental approach. The staged Precede–Proceed framework supports health educators in identifying and influencing the multiple factors that shape health status, and evaluating the changes produced by interventions. Self-esteem plays a role in the first and fourth phase of the Precede–Proceed model, as an outcome variable and as a determinant. The initial phase of social diagnosis, analyses the quality of life of the target population. Green and Kreuter [(Green and Kreuter, 1991), p. 27] present self-esteem as one of the outcomes of health behavior and health status, and as a quality of life indicator. The fourth phase of the model, which concerns the educational and organizational diagnosis, describes three clusters of behavioral determinants: predisposing, enabling and reinforcing factors. Predisposing factors provide the rationale or motivation for behavior, such as knowledge, attitudes, beliefs, values, and perceived needs and abilities [(Green and Kreuter, 1991), p. 154]. Self-knowledge, general self-appraisal and self-efficacy are considered as predisposing factors.

To summarize, self-esteem can function both as a determinant and as an outcome of healthy behavior within health behavior models. Poor self-esteem can trigger poor coping behavior or risk behavior that subsequently increases the likelihood of certain diseases among which are mental disorders. On the other hand, the presence of poor coping behavior and ill-health can generate or reinforce a negative self-image.

Self-esteem in a BSA to mental health promotion and prevention in schools

Given the evidence supporting the role of self-esteem as a core element in physical and mental health, it is recommended that its potential in future health promotion and prevention programs be reconsidered.

The design of future policies for mental health promotion and the prevention of mental disorders is currently an area of active debate ( Hosman, 2000 ). A key question in the discussion is which is more effective: a preventive approach focusing on specific disorders or a more generic preventive approach?

Based on the evidence supporting the role of self-esteem as a non-specific risk factor and protective factor in the development of mental disorders and social problems, we advocate a generic preventive approach built around the ‘self’. In general, changing common risk and protective factors (e.g. self-esteem, coping skills, social support) and adopting a generic preventive approach can reduce the risk of the development of a range of mental disorders and promote individual well-being even before the onset of a specific problem has presented itself. Given its multi-outcome perspective, we have termed this strategy the ‘BSA’ in prevention and promotion.

Self-esteem is considered one of the important elements of the BSA. By fostering self-esteem, and hence treating a common risk factor, it is possible to contribute to the prevention of an array of physical diseases, mental disorders and social problems challenging society today. This may also, at a later date, imply the prevention of a shift to other problem behaviors or symptoms which might occur when only problem-specific risk factors are addressed. For example, an eating disorder could be replaced by another type of symptom, such as alcohol abuse, smoking, social anxiety or depression, when only the eating behavior itself is addressed and not more basic causes, such as poor self-esteem, high stress levels and lack of social support. Although there is, as yet, no published research on such a shift phenomenon, the high level of co-morbidity between such problems might reflect the likelihood of its existence. Numerous studies support the idea of co-morbidity and showed that many mental disorders have overlapping associated risk factors such as self-esteem. There is a significant degree of co-morbidity between and within internalizing and externalizing problem behaviors such as depression, anxiety, substance disorders and delinquency ( Harrington et al. , 1996 ; Angold et al. , 1999 ; Swendsen and Merikangas, 2000 ). By considering the individual as a whole, within the BSA, the risk of such an eventuality could be reduced.

The BSA could have practical implications. Schools are an ideal setting for implementing BSA programs, thereby aiming at preventing an array of problems, since they cover the entire population. They have the means and responsibility for the promotion of healthy behavior for such a common risk and protective factor, since school children are in their formative stage. A mental health promotion curriculum oriented towards emotional and social learning could include a focus on enhancing self-esteem. Weare ( Weare, 2000 ) stressed that schools need to aim at helping children develop a healthy sense of self-esteem as part of the development of their ‘intra-personal intelligence’. According to Gardner (Gardner, 1993) ‘intra-personal intelligence’ is the ability to form an accurate model of oneself and the ability to use it to operate effectively in life. Self-esteem, then, is an important component of this ability. Serious thought should be given to the practical implementation of these ideas.

It is important to clearly define the nature of a BSA program designed to foster self-esteem within the school setting. In our opinion, such a program should include important determinants of self-esteem, i.e. competence and social support.

Harter ( Harter, 1999 ) stated that competence and social support, together provide a powerful explanation of the level of self-esteem. According to Harter's research on self-perceived competence, every child experiences some discrepancy between what he/she would like to be, the ‘ideal self’, and his/her actual perception of him/herself, ‘the real self’. When this discrepancy is large and it deals with a personally relevant domain, this will result in lower self-esteem. Moreover, the overall sense of support of significant others (especially parents, peers and teachers) is also influential for the development of self-esteem. Children who feel that others accept them, and are unconditionally loved and respected, will report a higher sense of self-esteem ( Bee, 2000 ). Thus, children with a high discrepancy and a low sense of social support reported the lowest sense of self-esteem. These results suggest that efforts to improve self-esteem in children require both supportive social surroundings and the formation and acceptance of realistic personal goals in the personally relevant domains ( Harter, 1999 ).

In addition to determinants such as competence and social support, we need to translate the theoretical knowledge on coping with inner self-processes (e.g. inconsistencies between the real and ideal self) into practice, in order to perform a systematic intervention regarding the self. Harter's work offers an important foundation for this. Based on her own and others' research on the development of the self, she suggests the following principles to prevent the development of negative self-esteem and to enhance self-worth ( Harter, 1999 ):

Reduction of the discrepancy between the real self and the ideal self.

Encouragement of relatively realistic self-perceptions.

Encouraging the belief that positive self-evaluations can be achieved.

Appreciation for the individual's views about their self-esteem and individual perceptions on causes and consequences of self-worth.

Increasing awareness of the origins of negative self-perceptions.

Providing a more integrated personal construct while improving understanding of self-contradictions.

Encouraging the individual and his/her significant others to promote the social support they give and receive.

Fostering internalization of positive opinions of others.

Haney and Durlak ( Haney and Durlak, 1998 ) wrote a meta-analytical review of 116 intervention studies for children and adolescents. Most studies indicated significant improvement in children's and adolescents' self-esteem and self-concept, and as a result of this change, significant changes in behavioral, personality, and academic functioning. Haney and Durlak reported on the possible impact improved self-esteem had on the onset of social problems. However, their study did not offer an insight into the potential effect of enhanced self-esteem on mental disorders.

Several mental health-promoting school programs that have addressed self-esteem and the determinants of self-esteem in practice, were effective in the prevention of eating disorders ( O'Dea and Abraham, 2000 ), problem behavior ( Flay and Ordway, 2001 ), and the reduction of substance abuse, antisocial behavior and anxiety ( Short, 1998 ). We shall focus on the first two programs because these are universal programs, which focused on ‘mainstream’ school children. The prevention of eating disorders program ‘Everybody's Different’ ( O'Dea and Abraham, 2000 ) is aimed at female adolescents aged 11–14 years old. It was developed in response to the poor efficacy of conventional body-image education in improving body image and eating behavior. ‘Everybody's Different’ has adopted an alternative methodology built on an interactive, school-based, self-esteem approach and is designed to prevent the development of eating disorders by improving self-esteem. The program has significantly changed aspects of self-esteem, body satisfaction, social acceptance and physical appearance. Female students targeted by the intervention rated their physical appearance, as perceived by others, significantly higher than control-group students, and allowed their body weight to increase appropriately by refraining from weight-loss behavior seen in the control group. These findings were still evident after 12 months. This is one of the first controlled educational interventions that had successfully improved body image and produced long-term changes in the attitudes and self-image of young adolescents.

The ‘Positive Action Program’ ( Flay and Ordway, 2001 ) serves as a unique example of some BSA principles in practice. The program addresses the challenge of increasing self-esteem, reducing problem behavior and improving school performance. The types of problem behavior in question were delinquent behavior, ‘misdemeanors’ and objection to school rules ( Flay and Ordway, 2001 ). This program concentrates on self-concept and self-esteem, but also includes other risk and protective factors, such as positive actions, self-control, social skills and social support that could be considered as determinants of self-esteem. Other important determinants of self-esteem, such as coping with internal self-processes, are not addressed. At present, the literature does not provide many examples of BSA studies that produce general preventive effects among adolescents who do not (yet) display behavioral problems ( Greenberg et al. , 2000 ).

To conclude, research results show beneficial outcomes of positive self-esteem, which is seen to be associated with mental well-being, happiness, adjustment, success, academic achievements and satisfaction. It is also associated with better recovery after severe diseases. However, the evolving nature of self-esteem could also result in negative outcomes. For example, low self-esteem can be a causal factor in depression, anxiety, eating disorders, poor social functioning, school dropout and risk behavior. Interestingly, the cross-sectional characteristic of many studies does not exclude the possibility that low self-esteem can also be considered as an important consequence of such disorders and behavioral problems.

Self-esteem is an important risk and protective factor linked to a diversity of health and social outcomes. Therefore, self-esteem enhancement can serve as a key component in a BSA approach in prevention and health promotion. The design and implementation of mental health programs with self-esteem as one of the core variables is an important and promising development in health promotion.

The authors are grateful to Dr Alastair McElroy for his constructive comments on this paper. The authors wish to thank Rianne Kasander (MA) and Chantal Van Ree (MA) for their assistance in the literature search. Financing for this study was generously provided by the Dutch Health Research and Development Council (Zorg Onderzoek Nederland, ZON/MW).

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Author notes

1Department of Health Education and Promotion, Maastricht University, Maastricht and 2Prevention Research Center on Program Development and Effect Management, The Netherlands

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What Is Self-Esteem?

Your Sense of Your Personal Worth or Value

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Verywell / Brianna Gilmartin

Theories of Self-Esteem

Healthy self-esteem, low self-esteem, excessive self-esteem.

• How to Improve

Self-esteem is your subjective sense of overall personal worth or value. Similar to self-respect, it describes your level of confidence in your abilities and attributes.

Having healthy self-esteem can influence your motivation, your mental well-being, and your overall quality of life. However, having self-esteem that is either too high or too low can be problematic. Better understanding what your unique level of self-esteem is can help you strike a balance that is just right for you.

Key elements of self-esteem include:

• Self-confidence
• Feelings of security
• Sense of belonging
• Feeling of competence

Other terms often used interchangeably with self-esteem include self-worth, self-regard, and self-respect.

Self-esteem tends to be lowest in childhood and increases during adolescence, as well as adulthood, eventually reaching a fairly stable and enduring level. This makes self-esteem similar to the stability of personality traits over time.

Why Self-Esteem Is Important

Self-esteem impacts your decision-making process, your relationships, your emotional health, and your overall well-being. It also influences motivation , as people with a healthy, positive view of themselves understand their potential and may feel inspired to take on new challenges.

Four key characteristics of healthy self-esteem are:

• A firm understanding of one's skills
• The ability to maintain healthy relationships with others as a result of having a healthy relationship with oneself
• Realistic and appropriate personal expectations
• An understanding of one's needs and the ability to express those needs

People with low self-esteem tend to feel less sure of their abilities and may doubt their decision-making process. They may not feel motivated to try novel things because they don’t believe they can reach their goals. Those with low self-esteem may have issues with relationships and expressing their needs. They may also experience low levels of confidence and feel unlovable and unworthy.

People with overly high self-esteem may overestimate their skills and may feel entitled to succeed, even without the abilities to back up their belief in themselves. They may struggle with relationship issues and block themselves from self-improvement because they are so fixated on seeing themselves as perfect .

Click Play to Learn More About Self-Esteem

This video has been medically reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS .

Many theorists have written about the dynamics involved in the development of self-esteem. The concept of self-esteem plays an important role in psychologist Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs , which depicts esteem as one of the basic human motivations.

Maslow suggested that individuals need both appreciation from other people and inner self-respect to build esteem. Both of these needs must be fulfilled in order for an individual to grow as a person and reach self-actualization .

It is important to note that self-esteem is a concept distinct from self-efficacy , which involves how well you believe you'll handle future actions, performance, or abilities.

Factors That Affect Self-Esteem

There are many factors that can influence self-esteem. Your self-esteem may be impacted by:

• Physical abilities
• Socioeconomic status
• Thought patterns

Racism and discrimination have also been shown to have negative effects on self-esteem. Additionally, genetic factors that help shape a person's personality can play a role, but life experiences are thought to be the most important factor.

It is often our experiences that form the basis for overall self-esteem. For example, low self-esteem might be caused by overly critical or negative assessments from family and friends. Those who experience what Carl Rogers referred to as unconditional positive regard will be more likely to have healthy self-esteem.

There are some simple ways to tell if you have healthy self-esteem. You probably have healthy self-esteem if you:

• Avoid dwelling on past negative experiences
• Believe you are equal to everyone else, no better and no worse
• Express your needs
• Feel confident
• Have a positive outlook on life
• Say no when you want to
• See your overall strengths and weaknesses and accept them

Having healthy self-esteem can help motivate you to reach your goals, because you are able to navigate life knowing that you are capable of accomplishing what you set your mind to. Additionally, when you have healthy self-esteem, you are able to set appropriate boundaries in relationships and maintain a healthy relationship with yourself and others.

Low self-esteem may manifest in a variety of ways. If you have low self-esteem:

• You may believe that others are better than you.
• You may find expressing your needs difficult.
• You may focus on your weaknesses.
• You may frequently experience fear, self-doubt, and worry.
• You may have a negative outlook on life and feel a lack of control.
• You may have an intense fear of failure.
• You may have trouble accepting positive feedback.
• You may have trouble saying no and setting boundaries.
• You may put other people's needs before your own.
• You may struggle with confidence .

Low self-esteem has the potential to lead to a variety of mental health disorders, including anxiety disorders and depressive disorders. You may also find it difficult to pursue your goals and maintain healthy relationships. Having low self-esteem can seriously impact your quality of life and increases your risk for experiencing suicidal thoughts.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  at  988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

For more mental health resources, see our  National Helpline Database .

Overly high self-esteem is often mislabeled as narcissism , however there are some distinct traits that differentiate these terms. Individuals with narcissistic traits may appear to have high self-esteem, but their self-esteem may be high or low and is unstable, constantly shifting depending on the given situation. Those with excessive self-esteem:

• May be preoccupied with being perfect
• May focus on always being right
• May believe they cannot fail
• May believe they are more skilled or better than others
• May express grandiose ideas
• May grossly overestimate their skills and abilities

When self-esteem is too high, it can result in relationship problems, difficulty with social situations, and an inability to accept criticism.

How to Improve Self-Esteem

Fortunately, there are steps that you can take to address problems with your perceptions of yourself and faith in your abilities. How do you build self-esteem? Some actions that you can take to help improve your self-esteem include:

• Become more aware of negative thoughts . Learn to identify the distorted thoughts that are impacting your self-worth.
• Challenge negative thinking patterns . When you find yourself engaging in negative thinking, try countering those thoughts with more realistic and/or positive ones. 
• Use positive self-talk . Practice reciting positive affirmations to yourself.
• Practice self-compassion . Practice forgiving yourself for past mistakes and move forward by accepting all parts of yourself.

Low self-esteem can contribute to or be a symptom of mental health disorders, including anxiety and depression . Consider speaking with a doctor or therapist about available treatment options, which may include psychotherapy (in-person or online), medications, or a combination of both.

Get Help Now

We've tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Though some of the causes of low self-esteem can’t be changed, such as genetic factors, early childhood experiences, and personality traits, there are steps you can take to feel more secure and valued. Remember that no one person is less worthy than the next. Keeping this in mind may help you maintain a healthy sense of self-esteem.

Get Advice From The Verywell Mind Podcast

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares strategies that can help you learn to truly believe in yourself, featuring IT Cosmetics founder Jamie Kern Lima.

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Trzesniewski KH, Donnellan MB, Robins RW. Stability of self-esteem across the life span .  J Pers Soc Psychol . 2003;84(1):205-220.

von Soest T, Wagner J, Hansen T, Gerstorf D. Self-esteem across the second half of life: The role of socioeconomic status, physical health, social relationships, and personality factors .  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology . 2018;114(6):945-958. doi:10.1037/pspp0000123

Johnson AJ. Examining associations between racism, internalized shame, and self-esteem among African Americans . Cogent Psychology . 2020;7(1):1757857. doi:10.1080/23311908.2020.1757857

Gabriel AS, Erickson RJ, Diefendorff JM, Krantz D. When does feeling in control benefit well-being? The boundary conditions of identity commitment and self-esteem.   Journal of Vocational Behavior . 2020;119:103415. doi:10.1016/j.jvb.2020.103415

Nguyen DT, Wright EP, Dedding C, Pham TT, Bunders J. Low self-esteem and its association with anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation in Vietnamese secondary school students: A cross-sectional study .  Front Psychiatry . 2019;10:698. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00698

Brummelman E, Thomaes S, Sedikides C. Separating narcissism from self-esteem.   Curr Dir Psychol Sci . 2016;25(1):8-13. doi:10.1177/0963721415619737

Cascio CN, O’Donnell MB, Tinney FJ, Lieberman MD, Taylor SE, Stretcher VJ, et. al. Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation . Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience . 2016;11(4):621-629. doi:10.1093/scan/nsv136

Maslow AH. Motivation and Personality . 3rd ed. New York: Harper & Row; 1987.

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Find answers to your personal dilemmas.

Overcoming insecurity.

• February 21, 2018
• Essays 2018

MyLife Essay Contest 2018

Insecurity is a big challenge today. It is common, and I have seen it in many people, including in my friends, and in myself. There are times when people will be doing something not necessarily right, but since the majority would be doing it, you and others would feel insecure about not joining in together. You would feel left out, and feel bad about yourself because of insecurity. Not only that, but it affects your relationship because you can no longer “be” yourself. You must act the part to fit in.

People will always worry about what others are thinking or saying about them. They will worry and think they might not be good enough, or that they must change their behavior to fit in. There are many psychologists who have ways to “cure” insecurities, but with Chassidus there is another way. Before I get into the way of Chassidus, I must first go in depth to understand the problem of insecurity better.

There are two parts to insecurity. One part of insecurity is being insecure about who you are, and what you have to offer. The other part is being insecure about your relationship with others, and how they may perceive you. Even within these two parts, there are another two parts. Insecurity can be physical, or it can be spiritual.

Physical insecurities affect the way you relate with other people. Spiritual insecurities relates to your relationship with Hashem. If you are insecure spiritually, you might be insecure about yourself, unsure if you are going the right way about life, with your connection with Hashem, and other challenges. Even within spiritual insecurity, an aspect of physical insecurity can interfere too. You may feel physically insecure about building a spiritual relationship with Hashem, afraid others might think “different” of you etc. But about physical insecurities, it affects you in a way I wrote earlier, about “you and others would feel insecure about not joining in together. You would feel left out, and feel bad about yourself because of insecurity. Not only that, but it affects your relationship because you can no longer “be” yourself. You must act the part to fit in”.

The main source of insecurity I will be addressing is being insecure about yourself–as that can also be a form of spiritual insecurity, and can help with curing physical insecurities, as seen in the following Sicha.

Sefer HaSichos 5751 Parshas Titzave, page 353-354.

“Name” vs. Essence in relationship to other people:

“You” goes on the essence of a person’s existence, as an aspect of a person which is higher than the level related to one’s “name”. The name of a person is not their essence of one’s existence, but rather, a name is an extraneous description of one’s existence which primarily relates to their relationship with another person, and thus, a “name” is used for that person to call him, by his “name”. However, a person on his own, doesn’t really need a “name”.

This is something we see clearly upon childbirth. For even before a person is being called by a “name”, at birth [until being named at the bris 8 days later] all that exists is a person’s essence. And, in fact, even after a person has been given a “name”, a person still maintains their own essence, and thus, this “name” is but an extraneous addition to their own pre-existing essence.

“Name” vs. Essence in relationship to Hashem:

Yet on the other hand, a person’s name is not something to be dismissed, for after all, a person’s name is connected with the origins of the soul on high, such that it is specifically through the letters of one’s Hebrew name is there drawn down the vitality of the soul above into the body. And this is why, according to Chassidus, a person’s Hebrew names serves to connect the soul with the body.

Although this may be well and true, nevertheless, the soul on its own – long before being born and drawn into a body – is not called by a “name”. And what’s more, even after the soul is born into a body and starts to be called a “name”, nevertheless, the essence of the soul remains a constant, higher than being called to by a “name”.

In fact, the essence of the soul is even higher than all the different levels of names that are used to describe the different levels of the soul – like “Nefesh” [referring to a basic life-force in the body], “Ruach” [referring to the soul’s ability to have emotions], “Neshama” [the soul’s ability to grow in intellectual awareness and realization], “Chaya” [the soul’s simple desire to cleave on high], and “Yechida” [that level of the soul that is “one” with Hashem].

Not only is the essence of the soul higher than all categorical names, but it is even higher than all description, including the description of the soul as it is “a piece of G-d”.

Now you might think, that the essence of the soul, and the soul as it is described as a “piece of G-d” is really one and the same. For after all, a “piece” of something is really part and parcel of the thing itself. So therefore, a “piece” of G-d is really part and parcel of the essence of the G-d himself – the “You” aspect of Hashem that is above and beyond His name. Hence, you might think that the essence of the soul the the soul’s being described as a “piece” of the essence of G-d Himself is really one and the same. However, it is not.

The reason for this is because the essence of the soul is really, the “essence” of the soul. However, with regards to the soul’s being a “piece” of G-d, it is really just a “piece” in which you then have to come to a fairly lengthy explanation why, according to Chassidus, it’s not just a “piece” but, rather it is a “piece” of the essence, so really it’s like it’s an essence too.

However in contrast to this, the “you” level of a person, the true essence of their soul, as it stands as “ one” with the “You” level of Hashem – i.e. “one” with Hashem’s true essence (Atzmus)–that is the level in which a Jew and G-d are one, “Yisroel v’Kedusha Brich’hu Kula Chad”. That level is higher than all the names and descriptions, even the description of the soul as it is a “piece” of G-d above.

Now I would like to reiterate this sicha in my own words, in a more practical way, so that we can apply this sicha as a way to cure insecurities.

“You”, your true self and essence, is a higher level and more important than the “name”, the way others perceive you. Yet on the other hand, one’s “name”, i.e. his relationship with others, isn’t something to dismiss. A “name” still has great meaning, as it is used to connect our soul to our body, and our essence is enclothed in a “name”. But even with all this, our “You”, our essence, is still higher and above everything, i.e. our spiritual security is more important. We can see this through the fact that we refer our soul as a “piece of G-d”, meaning we are of G-d’s essence, and by being of G-d’s essence, we are “one” with Hashem, which is the highest possible level, higher than a “name”, and even higher than being a piece of G-d.

According to psychologists, there are two main ways to cure insecurity. The first answer is, “Take stock of your value”. We can connect this to the Sicha as, take stock of your value. Make the distinction between your name and your essence, and connect to your essence. When you feel insecure, you are often focused on something you feel is lacking about you.

Know, that by connecting to your essence, the highest possible level, there is nothing lacking, because a “name” [how others perceive you], is a much lower level than being a “piece”, an “essence”, and “one” with Hashem. And therefore there is nothing lacking.

Then there is a second answer offered by the psychologists, “Build your self esteem”. This second answer can also be seen to contribute to the first answer. Research shows that people with relationship insecurity, tend to have poorer self-esteem. When you aren’t feeling good about who you are on the inside, it is natural to look outside of yourself for validation. However, trying to feel good by getting approval from others is a losing situation for any relationship. When your well-being depends on someone else, you give away all your power. It is not just that, but you also don’t get to enjoy the sense of well-being that comes with genuinely liking yourself, and self-confidence.

Building your self-esteem is not as difficult as it may seem. Learn to silence your inner critic, practice self-compassion, and have Emunah. Retrain yourself to focus on the aspects of yourself you like, instead of the ones you don’t like. Take stock of your value, and think of how you are “one” with Hashem, your very essence, and nothing can be wrong.

It is important to remember no one is perfect–we all come with some baggage. But it is not necessary to be perfect in order to be in a happy, healthy, and secure relationship with yourself, others, and Hashem. When you take your attention off what other people think and keep the focus on yourself, you can help become a better, more secure version of yourself.

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Essay on Insecurity and Self-Esteem

Insecurity drills a hole into a person’s heart, minimizes their integrity, and accumulates as plaque build up, hindering any kind of future growth. Just as any human being’s growth is stifled by the insecurity within them, the United States as a whole suffers the same from its own tremendous amount of insecurity. This lack of acknowledgement of self-worth causes a ghastly chain reaction ; people tend to pursue the wrong ideals, become corrupt, and inevitably lead themselves to their own demise.  Insecurity is a route to destruction, and America is speeding down that road to dissolution.  

   The dictionary’s definition of insecurity is: “ uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence”(“Insecurity,” Oxford English…show more content…

Now, considering this aspect, one realizes how a person can not function with insecurity and low self-esteem ; so then, a whole country trying to function and grow with its insecurity and low self-esteem is simply impossible.  

   Insecurity in America exists in many forms as well as in many areas of the American culture. The main places in which insecurity permeates from are stereotyping, the media, and worst of all, condemnation by peers. With all these different types ways in which one can be provoked, it is no wonder much of America suffers from low self-esteem.  

   Since America is a large melting-pot of cultures, unfortunately it comes with much stereotyping. Many people simply look at eachother, and based on prior situations, stereotype the person in front of them. While doing so, they don’t realize how detrimental they are being to that person’s future. When one downgrades another, they not only hurt them emotionally, but hinder them from every growing as individuals. For example, in the United States, not too much time back, African Americans were constantly stereotyped as less than human. No one expected anything of them, and constantly put them down, so for that reason alone, many simply gave up, and just fell into the stereotype. If you address someone as a certain person for long enough, they will give you what you expect of them. Because of this reason, many Americans have simply given up and fallen into whatever

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Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion: A Narrative Review and Meta-Analysis on Their Links to Psychological Problems and Well-Being

Peter muris.

1 Department of Clinical Psychological Science, Faculty of Psychology and Neuroscience, Maastricht University, Maastricht, the Netherlands

2 Department of Psychology, Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences, Stellenbosch University, Stellenbosch, South Africa

Henry Otgaar

3 Institute of Criminology, Faculty of Law and Criminology, Catholic University of Leuven, Leuven, Belgium

The present review addressed the relationship between two self-related concepts that are assumed to play a role in human resilience and well-being: self-esteem and self-compassion. Besides a theoretical exploration of both concepts, a meta-analysis ( k = 76, N = 35,537 participants) was conducted to examine the magnitude of the relation between self-esteem and self-compassion and their links to indices of well-being and psychological problems. The average correlation between self-esteem and self-compassion was strong ( r = 0.65, effect size = 0.71), suggesting that – despite some distinct features – the overlap between both self-related constructs is considerable. Self-esteem and self-compassion displayed relations of a similar magnitude to measures of well-being and psychological problems, and both concepts accounted for unique variance in these measures once controlling for their shared variance. Self-esteem and self-compassion can best be seen as complementary concepts and we invite researchers to look more at their joint protective role within a context of well-being and mental health as well as to their additive value in the treatment of people with psychological problems.

Introduction

William James already described “selfhood” as an essential concept of human psychology. He divided the self into two parts: the “Me”, which refers to people’s reflections about themselves (ie, subjective perceptions of personal characteristics, eg, defining oneself as “rich”, “introvert”, or “intelligent”), and the “I”, which refers to the thinking self that knows who one is or what he/she has been doing in the current and past (also known as the mind). 1 Ever since, many scholars attempted to conceptualize the self, 2 varying from rather concrete descriptions, such as “a collection of abilities, temperament, goals, values, preferences that distinguish one individual from another” 3 to more abstract conceptualizations involving the dynamic self-constructive process of one’s identity as a result of reflexive activities involving thinking, being aware of thinking, and taking the self as an object of thinking. 4 Many self-related constructs, processes, and phenomena have been described in the psychological literature, 5 but within the field of mental health and psychopathology, two concepts have received a considerable amount of empirical attention: self-esteem and self-compassion.

Self-esteem and self-compassion reflect an affectively and/or cognitively charged attitude or response to the self. The nature of both constructs is fundamentally positive, meaning that persons with high levels of self-esteem and self-compassion ought to display greater resilience and higher levels of well-being, and hence lower levels of all kinds of mental health problems. Despite their conceptual overlap, there exist a number of differences between self-esteem and self-compassion. 6 The present review article is focused on the relationship between self-esteem and self-compassion. We will first describe both concepts independently from a more theoretical perspective and address their protective role within the context of mental health and psychopathology. Next, we will focus on the link between self-esteem and self-compassion thereby addressing similarities as well as dissimilarities. The review is not only qualitative in nature, but also includes a meta-analysis to assess the strength of the relation between self-esteem and self-compassion as well as to examine the (unique) links between both self-related concepts on the one hand and indices of well-being and psychopathology on the other hand. Furthermore, we will discuss to what extent self-esteem and self-compassion are susceptible to change and hence might be a suitable target for psychological interventions. Finally, we will provide a brief summary of our findings and address the role and importance of both self-related constructs for understanding human resilience and well-being.

Self-Esteem

Self-esteem refers to an affectively laden evaluation of the self. 7 More specifically, this construct refers to “an individual’s subjective evaluation of his or her worth as a person”. 8 This is defined by a person’s perception of his/her abilities and qualities in various domains, including intellect, work performance, social skills, physical appearance, and athletics. It is important to emphasize that self-esteem does not necessarily reflect the actual abilities or features of a person but mainly refers to how a person thinks or feels about these qualities and characteristics. There is concrete evidence that the concept reflects a trait-like variable that is relatively stable across time. For example, Kuster and Orth 9 conducted a longitudinal study with repeated measurements taken from adolescence to old age and showed that

self-esteem does not fluctuate continuously over time in response to the inevitable mix of successes and failures we all experience as we go through life [but has] a level of stability that is comparable to that of basic personality characteristics such as neuroticism and extraversion.

Their data indicated that one can foretell a person’s relative level of self-esteem (as compared to other people, eg, high versus low) across decades of life. 8

Regarding the function of self-esteem, three main perspectives have been proposed. First, the self-determination perspective assumes that self-esteem serves a motivational function that prompts people to take care of themselves and to explore and reach their full potential. 10 A distinction is made between contingent self-esteem, which refers to positive feelings and thoughts about oneself that are dependent on some achievement or fulfilment of expectations, and true self-esteem, which pertains to a stable, securely based, and solid sense of the self. Or in other words: The person is comfortable with whom he/she is and how others will perceive him/her and is no longer involved in a process of critical self-evaluation. Both types of self-esteem are related to human motivation. Contingent self-esteem is predominantly linked with extrinsic motivation: A good sense of the self is achieved because one engages in activities that will yield a reward or avoid punishment, whereas true self-esteem is typically associated with intrinsic motivation: Positive feelings of self-worth are elicited when performing activities that match one’s personal needs and values.

The second perspective on the function of self-esteem is subsumed under the terror management theory. 11 According to this perspective, human beings can be distinguished from other species because they can reflect on the fact that the world in which they live is an uncontrollable, absurd setting in which their own impeding death is the only inevitable certainty. To cope with this mortality salience, people have developed a cultural worldview that is infused by order, predictability, meaning, and continuity. Terror management theory postulates that self-esteem refers to a sense of personal value that is grounded in beliefs about the validity of the worldview and the extent to which one can abide to the cultural standards of that worldview, which would function as a buffer against the fear of death. 12 People with high self-esteem have a more positive and less fatalistic attitude towards life than people with low self-esteem, and hence are better able to deal with everyday reminders of their death and the finiteness of life.

The third account is the sociometer perspective that views self-esteem as an innate monitoring system that measures a person’s relational value to other people, or in more concrete words: “the degree to which other people regard their relationship with the individual to be valuable, important, or close”. 13 When self-esteem is high, the person has the idea that he/she is valued by others as a respectable and worthy individual and this will fuel behaviours that serve to maintain and enhance relationships with other people in order to preserve this social status. In contrast, when self-esteem is low, the person perceives that his/her social position is on the line, which evokes an emotional response as an alarm signal that prompts behaviours to gain and restore relations with others. Thus, according to sociometer perspective, self-esteem is viewed as an affect-driven meter that continuously monitors and reacts to signs of social acceptance and rejection. This monitoring system would have evolutionary roots because relationships with other people are an important asset promoting survival. 14

Self-Esteem and Life Outcomes

Whether conceiving self-esteem as a vehicle of motivation, a buffer against the fear of death, or a social thermometer, all these functional accounts align with the notion that the construct has a positive nature and hence may promote psychological well-being and protect against mental health problems. Although some scholars are rather critical and sceptic about the presumed benefits of self-esteem, arguing that its merits are quite limited and that there are even downsides of having (too) much confidence in one’s worth, 15 there is a voluminous amount of empirical work supporting its association with positive outcomes. For instance, in an influential large-scale study including more than 13,000 college students in 31 countries from all over the world, self-esteem correlated positively with life satisfaction (with an average r of 0.44), 16 meaning that the more participants were content with themselves, the stronger they indicated being happy with their life. As another example, Chen et al 17 conducted a meta-analysis to examine the relationship between self-esteem and depression. Using the data of 50 cross-sectional studies conducted in Taiwan, a mean correlation of −0.48 was detected, indicating that higher levels of self-esteem were associated with lower levels of this type of emotional psychopathology. In a recent comprehensive meta-analytic review of the literature, Orth and Robbins 18 drew up the balance and concluded that

high self-esteem helps individuals adapt to and succeed in a variety of life domains, including having more satisfying relationships, performing better at school and work, enjoying improved mental and physical health, and refraining from antisocial behaviour.

Self-Compassion

Self-compassion refers to how people treat themselves when they encounter failure, deficiencies, or suffering in their personal life. According to the widely used definition of Neff, 19 the construct consists of three key elements: (1) self-kindness, which refers to being warm, kind, and understanding towards oneself in times of adversity; (2) common humanity, which pertains to the acknowledgment that all human beings face challenges in life and hence are subject to drawbacks and suffering; and (3) mindfulness, which has to do with an awareness of personal discomfort while maintaining the perspective on other more positive aspects in life. In general, self-compassion entails displaying a positive and healthy attitude to the self, which enables the individual to deal effectively with the usual setbacks in human existence. 20

About the functionality of self-compassion, Gilbert 21 conceptualized the construct in evolutionary terms. This scholar initially focused on compassion, which he viewed as a motivational system to regulate the negative affect of other people through engagement in supportive and affiliative actions that ultimately serve to maintain the group bonding and as such the survival of the species. Because human beings gradually developed the mental capacity to reflect on themselves, they can also deploy compassion towards the self in case they encounter setbacks and associated negative emotions. This self-compassion enables them to effectively cope with such emotional dysregulation ensuring their full participation in social life.

In a recent review of the literature, Strauss et al 22 concluded that

[self-]compassion is a complex construct that includes emotion but is more than an emotion, as it includes perceptiveness or sensitivity to suffering, understanding of its universality, acceptance, non-judgment, and distress tolerance, and intentions to act in helpful ways.

In view of these elements, one might expect that self-compassion tends to fluctuate over time and across situations, but there are clear indications that the construct – just like self-esteem – is quite stable and thus can best be seen as a trait-like individual difference variable. 23

Self-Compassion and Life Outcomes

Since its introduction in the psychological literature, many studies have been conducted investigating the positive effects of self-compassion. For example, Zessin et al 24 conducted a meta-analysis examining the relationship between self-compassion and various types of well-being, such as happiness, positive affect, optimism, life satisfaction, health, belongingness, and autonomy. Combining the results of 79 samples that included a total of 16,416 participants, an overall positive effect size of 0.47 was found with higher levels of self-compassion being generally accompanied by higher levels of well-being. This suggests that a caring attitude towards oneself when facing adversity serves to maintain a sense of feeling comfortable, happy, and healthy in life. In a similar vein, MacBeth and Gumley 25 synthesized the findings of 14 studies linking self-compassion to indices of psychopathology to obtain an average effect size of r = –0.54. This demonstrates that higher levels of this self-related trait are associated with lower symptom levels of anxiety, stress, and depression, and is in line with the notion that self-compassion may immunize individuals from developing psychological problems. 26

(Dis)similarities Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion

Self-esteem is a concept with a fairly long research tradition: especially after Rosenberg published his seminal book in the mid-1960s, 27 which also included a comprehensive scale for measuring the construct, psychologists increasingly focused on this construct in their research. This steadily culminated in an annual amount of more than 600 publications and over 26,000 citations in 2022 (in Web-of-Science using [“self-esteem” in title] as the search term), which makes self-esteem currently one of the most frequently studied concepts in psychology. The construct of self-compassion was introduced only at the beginning of the 21st century when Neff published her first papers on the topic, 20 , 28 but its popularity is still clearly on the rise (reaching 382 publications and 10,123 citations in 2022). 19 , 29 It is important to note here that the concept of self-compassion was partly introduced because of dissatisfaction with the construct of self-esteem. Specifically, critical scholars argued that because self-esteem is largely contingent on responses of others and events happening in life, the concept was argued to have little predictive value. It would merely reflect social status and personal failure or success, and as such it is hardly surprising that people who are marginalized, face a lot of adversity in life (eg, abuse and neglect), and suffer from psychopathological conditions, also display low levels of self-esteem. 15 , 30 Moreover, questions were raised regarding the malleability of (low) self-esteem: for example, positive feedback, flattering, and praise are difficult to reconcile with the negative picture that people (sometimes) have about themselves and hence do not automatically result in a more positive self-view. 20 Self-compassion is assumed to not have these drawbacks: This trait would be less dependent on the proceedings of life and is also thought to be more mouldable, making it a suitable target for intervention. 19

Whether the critical attitude towards self-esteem and the positive stance towards self-compassion is all justified, is still a matter of debate. 18 , 29 Fact is that both self-related concepts also share a number of important features. That is, as noted earlier, both are trait-like variables that refer to a benign psychological attribute of human beings characterized by a positive reflection about the self. Furthermore, from a theoretical point-of-view, they are both thought to promote adaptive and prosocial behaviour and as such are generally considered to be protective in nature, boosting the person’s positive affect and well-being, and preventing the development of psychological problems.

Despite these commonalities, there are also a number of notable differences between self-esteem and self-compassion. First of all, the relationship with the self is not the same for both concepts. That is, whereas self-esteem pertains to a positive evaluation of the self as compared to others or in the light of some general normative standard, self-compassion concerns a positive attitude towards the self when facing difficulties, without making any evaluative or comparative judgments. 19 Second, self-esteem is more concerned with a cognitive appraisal process that – although initiating defensive reactions to maintain or even improve one’s sense of worth – by itself does not incorporate any coping mechanism. 31 , 32 In contrast, self-compassion incorporates a positive action tendency: 22 cognitive strategies, such as positive self-talk and cognitive reappraisal strategies are deployed to alleviate the suffering. 33 Third and finally, self-esteem and self-compassion are thought to be mediated by different brain-based systems. 34 , 35 In terms of Gilbert’s social mentalities theory, 21 , 36 self-esteem seems to be more associated with an activation of the sympathetic threat system, which alerts the person for possible downward social mobility and inferiority and instigates operations of agency and competition. In contrast, self-compassion would reflect an activation of the parasympathetic soothing system, which aims to regulate negative emotions by seeking support and connection with others. 6 , 37

Meta-Analytic Intermezzo

Given the similarities between self-esteem and self-compassion, while also acknowledging their differences, it can be expected that both constructs will be “moderately correlated”. 6 Furthermore, there is a tendency in the literature to depict self-compassion as the more beneficial psychological concept, 19 , 20 , 37 and so it can be predicted that self-compassion will show more robust links to indices of well-being and show greater potential for shielding against stress and other psychological problems than self-esteem. To empirically test these suppositions, we conducted a meta-analysis which has the advantage of combining the results of multiple scientific studies, thereby providing a more accurate look at these topics. 38

Meta-Analytic Procedure

In the first week of March 2023 (more specific, on March 6, 2023), a literature search was conducted in Web-of-Science with [“self-compassion” in topic] AND [“self-esteem” in topic] as the search terms. The searching period was 2003 (ie, the year that the construct of self-compassion was first referred to in the scientific literature) to 2023. Wilson’s 39 online meta-analysis effect size calculator was used to calculate the Fisher’s z -transformed correlation ( r ) and the accompanying 95% confidence interval (CI) as an effect size indicator for the correlation between self-esteem and self-compassion in each study as well as for the correlations between self-esteem and self-compassion on the one hand and each variable representing well-being or a psychological problem. Fisher’s z -transformed correlations and CIs of multiple well-being or psychological problems indicators were averaged for each study and eventually across all studies. We expected to obtain positive effect sizes for the relations between self-esteem/self-compassion and indices of well-being, whereas we anticipated negative effect sizes between both self-related concepts and measures of psychological problems.

Results of the Meta-Analysis

As can be seen in the PRISMA flow diagram 40 ( Figure 1 ), the literature search yielded 221 hits, which were all inspected for suitability by the first author. Seventy-six papers (including 85 samples) were identified as relevant because they included the correlation between the traits of self-esteem and self-compassion. The Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale 27 was used in 66 of these studies (86.8%), whereas the Self-Compassion Scale 28 (or its short-form 41 ) was employed in 71 investigations (93.4%), indicating that these self-reports are the dominant measures in this research field. As can be seen in Table 1 , the average correlation between self-esteem and self-compassion was positive and strong: r = 0.65, with an effect size of 0.71. Outcomes were rather heterogeneous [which may have been caused by sample differences (eg, adolescent versus adult, clinical versus non-clinical), and measures of self-esteem and self-compassion used (eg, shortened versus long version, other measures than the Neff and Rosenberg scale)] and the funnel plot ( Figure 2 ) showed some asymmetry (rank correlation: value = −0.23, p = 0.002; regression test: value = −3.21, p = 0.001): This was mainly due to a number of investigations showing a relatively small correlation between self-esteem and self-compassion. However, none of the studies showed a result that was in contrast with the average outcome.

Results of the Meta-Analysis of Studies on the Relation Between Self-Esteem (SE) and Self-Compassion (SC) and the Relations Between Both Self-Related Constructs and Indices of Well-Being and Psychological Problems

Notes : † Heterogeneity was evaluated by means of the open-source software package Jamovi ( https://www.jamovi.org ). The Q-statistic was significant for all analyses, indicating that the results were heterogeneous across studies.

PRISMA flow diagram depicting the selection of articles that were included in the meta-analysis on self-esteem, self-compassion, and psychological problems/well-being.

Funnel plot of the studies reporting on the correlation between self-esteem and self-compassion.

Sixty-nine studies reported on the relations between self-esteem and self-compassion, on the one hand, and variables reflecting aspects of well-being ( k = 45, 46 samples; eg, satisfaction with life, meaning in life, positive affect, belongingness, support, self-control, self-efficacy) and/or psychological problems ( k = 69, 72 samples; eg, anxiety, depression, self-criticism, negative affect, rumination, body dissatisfaction, stress, narcissism, and anger), on the other hand. As can be seen in Table 1 , both self-related constructs displayed comparable relations to indices of well-being and psychological problems. That is, the relations between self-esteem and self-compassion and well-being variables were positive, while the relations with psychological problems were negative, with all average effect sizes being quite large (ie, between |± 0.40| and |± 0.49|). Data showed again considerable heterogeneity (which is not that surprising given the large variety in well-being and psychological problems variables) although the outcomes of individual studies were generally in the same direction as the average outcomes. Note further that the obtained average effect sizes compared well with those found in previous meta-analyses investigating the effects of self-esteem and self-compassion separately. 16 , 17 , 24 , 25

Given the overlap between self-esteem and self-compassion, we conducted an additional analysis using an online second-order partial correlations calculator ( http://vassarstats.net/par2.html ). With this tool, it was possible to compute correlations between self-esteem and self-compassion and other variables, while controlling for the overlap between both self-related traits. The results showed that the links of self-esteem and self-compassion with indices of well-being and psychological problems clearly attenuated when controlling for this shared variance (ie, effect sizes between |± 0.19| and |± 0.30| ( Table 1 and Figure 3 ). However, the effect sizes of the partial correlations were of a similar magnitude for both self-related constructs and remained statistically significant, indicating that self-esteem and self-compassion each accounted for a unique proportion in the variance of well-being and psychological problems measures.

Average effect sizes ( r ) found for the (partial) relations between self-compassion and self-esteem, on the one hand, and indices of well-being and psychological problems, on the other hand.

Altogether, the results of our meta-analysis demonstrate that the relation between self-esteem and self-compassion is quite strong and that the effect size for their correlation should be qualified as “large” rather than “moderate”. 42 This signifies that – despite some unique features – the overlap between both self-related constructs is considerable and implies that in research aiming to explore the relative contributions of self-esteem and self-compassion in the prediction of well-being or psychological problems, these variables will to some extent compete for the same proportion of the variance. Nevertheless, we also noted that even when controlling for their overlap, self-esteem and self-compassion remained significant correlated to indices of well-being and psychological problems. The average effect sizes for their unique contributions were largely comparable, with statistical comparisons even indicating that self-esteem was somewhat stronger correlated to both well-being and psychological problems than self-compassion ( Z ’s being 10.60, p < 0.001 and 6.58, p < 0.001, respectively). Thus, no evidence was obtained to support the claim that self-compassion has more potential as a positive-protective variable than self-esteem.

Further Reflections on the Link Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion

The above findings warrant some further elaboration on the relation between self-esteem and self-compassion. The strong correlation points out that these two self-related constructs have much in common: Those who positively evaluate their worth as a person, will also treat themselves with kindness when facing adversities. In particular, it seem plausible that individuals with “true” self-esteem, that is, an authentic sense of self-worth that is not dependent on comparisons with others or fulfilling some general standard, will be more inclined to display self-compassionate responding in times of suffering. 20 There are also empirical data to support this notion. In a longitudinal study, 43 2809 adolescents completed measures of trait self-esteem and self-compassion annually for a period of four years. The results indicated that on each point in time, self-esteem and self-compassion were substantially correlated, and that across time, both self-related constructs demonstrated considerable stability. Most importantly, the data showed that self-esteem emerged as a consistent predictor of self-compassion across the four years of the study, but not vice versa. The researchers concluded that “the capacity to extend compassion toward the self depends on one’s appraisal of worthiness”, 43 which suggests that self-esteem is a more generic positive trait that serves as the basis from which compassionate self-responding may develop.

Measurement issues might also be partially responsible for the observed overlap between self-esteem and self-compassion. The dominant measures in this research field – the Self-Compassion Scale (as well its short version) and the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale – not only consist of items that directly measure the intended positive constructs, but also contain items that reflect their negative counterparts, ie, uncompassionate self-responding (including self-criticism, social isolation, and rumination) and lack of self-esteem. 44 , 45 It is unclear to what extent the shared variance between the common self-esteem and self-compassion measures can be attributed to the overlap between the protective elements in both measures or to the reversed scored vulnerability components included in both scales. As an aside, it should also be noted that the inclusion of vulnerability components in measures of self-esteem and self-compassion may undermine their external validity: Relations with indices of positive psychological features of well-being could be constricted, while relations with indices of psychological problems might be inflated. In the self-compassion literature, empirical evidence exists for such an unwanted measurement artifact 29 , 45 , 46 (although it has been consistently trivialized as “the differential effects fallacy” by self-compassion advocates), 19 , 47 but in self-esteem research this issue has been largely neglected. In spite of its widespread use only relatively few scholars have taken interest in studying the unwanted effects of the inclusion of the negatively worded items in the Rosenberg scale, 44 , 48 , 49 and hence this remains a timely and important topic for further scientific inquiry.

Self-Esteem–Enhancing Interventions

Numerous interventions have been proposed that aim to raise people’s self-esteem, but cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) is one of the most frequently employed methods. 50 CBT is based on the notion that low self-esteem can best be seen as negative beliefs about the self (eg, “I am not good enough”, “I am not competent”, “I am unlovable”) – that originate from negative life experiences – which prompt maladaptive (ie, avoidant and unhelpful) behaviours. These maladaptive actions are likely to reinforce the negative self-beliefs and eventually the person becomes trapped in a downward spiral of dysfunctional cognition, emotion, and behaviour. During CBT, psychoeducation is provided (to enhance the person’s awareness of this vicious circle), cognitive therapy is applied (to challenge the negative beliefs and to replace these by more realistic and positive beliefs), and adaptive behaviour is practiced and reinforced. Meta-analyses have indicated that CBT is indeed quite successful in promoting self-esteem in clinical and non-clinical populations. 50 , 51

Other interventions that have been applied to boost self-esteem include among others: reminiscence-based therapy, during which positive autobiographical memories are retrieved and discussed (this intervention was originally developed for elderly individuals 52 but can also be applied to younger people); 53 support groups that focus on the discussion of problems and receiving positive feedback and support from peers; 54 art therapy, which involves the deployment of creative activities (such as painting, sculpture, dance, and music) to explore, express, and adjust inner thoughts and feelings, resulting in greater self-understanding and less negative emotion; 55 and evaluative conditioning, which involves a computerized training during which self-related stimuli (eg, “I” or the person’s name) are systematically paired with positively valenced traits and features. 56 All these treatments have indeed been demonstrated useful for enhancing self-esteem, with effect sizes in the small (ie, evaluative conditioning, reminiscence-based therapy) to moderate (ie, support groups, art therapy) range. 50

Positive psychology interventions have also been put forward to promote people’s self-esteem. Such interventions have the purpose to encourage the person to discover and foster his/her character strengths, thereby increasing self-acceptance and self-worth. 57 Compassion-focused treatments are a good example of a positive psychology approach, and this type of intervention has also been explored as a way to enhance self-esteem. 58 For instance, Louis and Reyes 59 developed an online cognitive self-compassion program for promoting self-exploration, self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-love, positive coping, and emotion-regulation skills in young people. In a first test, the efficacy of the self-compassion program was evaluated in a sample of 192 adolescents aged 11 to 17 years who had been exposed to domestic violence. 60 Half of the adolescents were randomly assigned to the experimental group, whereas the other half was allocated to the waiting list control group. It was found that adolescents in the experimental group showed a substantial increase in self-esteem, and such a positive change was not noted in the control group. Based on this result, the researchers concluded that the online self-compassion program seems to be a useful intervention for enhancing self-esteem in at-risk youth.

Meta-analyses have indicated that in both child and adult populations, various types of interventions yielded a positive effect on people’s general self-esteem, with average effect sizes being in the small to moderate range (with d ’s of 0.38 and 0.21). 50 , 61 O’Mara et al 62 obtained a larger effect size ( d = 0.51), but it should be noted that their analysis also included studies that examined the effects of interventions targeting one specific self-concept domain (which appears to be more effective). Interestingly, some interventions (eg, CBT) were more successful in boosting self-esteem than others (eg, reminiscence-based therapy), 50 but compassion-focused treatments certainly belonged to the most powerful ones. 58

Regarding the benefits of self-esteem interventions, two additional remarks are in order. First, most of the research on this topic has focused on self-esteem as the outcome variable, which is logical as promotion of this self-related concept is the primary target. However, self-esteem interventions are typically conducted in people with or at risk for mental health problems (eg, anxiety, depression, aggression). There is no meta-analysis to quantify the effects of self-esteem interventions on these secondary outcomes, but it can be expected that the magnitude of effects is somewhat smaller than that found for the primary outcome measure of self-esteem. 63 Second, it has been put forward that enhancing self-esteem is not only advantageous but may also contain a risk: When levels of self-esteem become inflated and exaggerated, this might take the form of narcissism, 64 which is a frequently used argument for preferring self-compassion over self-esteem interventions. 19 Although research has indicated that self-esteem and narcissism are positively correlated, 65 it has also been noted that this relation is quite weak and that both constructs are different in nature. 66 Moreover, the danger of inadvertently enhancing self-esteem to excessively high levels seems less plausible in clinical settings where most patients display a lower sense of self-worth.

Compassion-Focused Interventions

During the past 20 years, interventions have been developed that focus on the cultivation of compassion, 67 and typically such treatments can also be applied for fostering self-compassion. 68 , 69 Well-known examples are Compassion-Focused Therapy, 70 Mindful Self-Compassion, 71 and Cognitively Based Compassion Training. 72 Although these interventions share a number of features, such as psychoeducation on the role of (self-) compassion for people’s well-being, mindfulness exercises – which promote self-awareness and paying attention to the present moment, without judgment, and active experiential activities during which participants rehearse specific (self-) compassion strategies, there are also notable differences among them that are guided by specific theoretical underpinnings. 73 This implies that there is considerable variation across treatments regarding the competencies that are targeted (eg, empathy, distress tolerance, acceptance) as well as the methods that are employed (eg, meditation, guided imagery, cognitive techniques).

With regard to the efficacy of the self-compassion treatments, two meta-analyses 68 , 69 have demonstrated that such interventions are effective at increasing self-compassion (with g ’s being 0.75 and 0.52, respectively) and decreasing various types of psychopathology indicators, such as anxiety, depression, stress, and rumination (with g ’s in the 0.40–0.67 range). From these findings, it can be concluded that self-compassion is a malleable trait and that engendering compassionate self-responding also has positive effects for people’s well-being and mental health. Furthermore, a comparison of the effect sizes with those of self-esteem interventions yields the impression that it is somewhat easier to increase people’s self-compassion than to boost their self-esteem.

A few studies have directly compared the effects of self-compassion and self-esteem interventions. For example, Leary et al 74 invited participants to write about a negative event that happened to them in the past. The main contrast involved participants who were prompted to think and write about themselves in a self-compassionate manner (by engaging in self-kindness and adopting a common humanity perspective and a mindful point-of-view) versus participants who were guided to think and feel positive about themselves to promote their self-esteem (by focusing on their positive characteristics and interpreting the event in a more positive way). The self-compassion intervention resulted in a more pronounced reduction of negative affect and greater self-acceptance than the self-esteem intervention. Similar results have been obtained in research comparing the efficacy of self-compassion and self-esteem interventions within the context of eating disorders and body dissatisfaction: Self-compassion–inducing writing produced more positive bodily feelings and greater reduction in eating disorder symptoms than self-esteem–inducing writing. 75–77

In conclusion, while these were all studies with non-clinical samples in which a rather simple manipulation of self-compassion and self-esteem was conducted by means of writing exercises, the results nevertheless indicated that induced self-compassion is associated with better outcomes than induced self-esteem. Together with the observation that self-compassion appears easier to generate, one might conclude that interventions targeting this characteristic have greater potential for building resilience and well-being than interventions focusing on self-esteem.

Self-esteem and self-compassion are both constructs that involve a positive attitude towards the self, which are thought to serve psychological resilience and as such play a role in the preservation of people’s mental health and well-being. 78 While self-esteem is already an older concept that has been a topic of psychological investigation for more than half a century, self-compassion was only introduced some 20 years ago during the start of the positive psychology movement. 79 If one wants to introduce a new psychological construct, it is always wise to point out in what way it can be differentiated from or adds something new beyond any existing concept. 80 So, in the first writings on self-compassion, a comparison was made with self-esteem in an attempt to differentiate the two from one another. 20 Basically, four arguments have been advanced in the literature to make the distinction between the two constructs and to contend that self-compassion has incremental value over self-esteem.

The first argument that has been made is that self-esteem and self-compassion would only be “moderately” correlated. 6 , 20 Our meta-analysis, however, showed that the average correlation between measures of these constructs (mostly the Self-Compassion Scale and the Rosenberg scale) was quite substantial: a mean effect size of 0.71 was found, which should be interpreted as “large”. As we do note important differences between self-esteem and self-compassion (eg, self-evaluation versus self-attitude, appraisal versus coping, and sympathetic threat system versus parasympathetic soothing system), it is certainly not our intention to state that they reflect a similar construct. Meanwhile, the attempts to draw a dividing line between self-esteem and self-compassion have led to the absence of a search for a meaningful link among them. The study by Donald et al 43 is interesting and important in this regard as the results suggest that self-esteem is the more basic trait providing the foundation for the more coping-oriented trait of self-compassion. This makes sense: appreciation and love prompt people to act with kindness to others, and in similar vein a sense of self-worth or self-love will enable persons to be kind and compassionate to themselves. We therefore urge for more studies on the commonalities between self-esteem and self-compassion as well as their temporal association.

The second argument refers to the claim that self-compassion continues to explain a significant proportion of the variance in well-being and psychological symptoms after controlling for levels of self-esteem. 6 , 19 , 20 , 37 Such a result would indicate that self-compassion displays a unique link to these external variables that is not accounted for by self-esteem. Our meta-analysis indeed showed that once controlling for the shared variance between both self-related concepts, self-compassion remained significantly associated with indices of well-being and psychological symptoms, which indeed confirms that self-compassion has incremental value over self-esteem. However, the reverse was also true: when controlling for the influence of self-compassion, self-esteem also remained a significant correlate of well-being and psychological symptoms. The effects sizes documented for the independent contributions (partial correlations) to the external variables were comparable for self-esteem and self-compassion, suggesting that – besides communalities – both concepts harbour unique features that are relevant for understanding human resilience.

The third argument is concerned with intervention. It has been noted that because self-esteem is often contingent on the evaluation of others or on the fulfilment of some general standard – which are both factors outside a person’s control, it is difficult to manipulate this self-related trait. In contrast, self-compassion pertains to how people deal with themselves when they encounter adversities in life, thus referring to a personal attitude that would be more susceptible to change. Indeed, when looking at the effect sizes obtained by researchers on the malleability of both self-related traits, the conclusion seems justified that compassionate self-responding is easier to initiate by treatment than generic feelings of self-worth. This may also account for the finding that self-compassion interventions generally produce greater effects than self-esteem interventions. Assuming that self-esteem is the more basic trait that forms the foundation for self-compassion, a comparison arises with other therapeutic interventions. For example, the cognitive behavioural model of psychopathology assumes that people with emotional problems are often bothered by negative automatic thoughts that fuel disturbing emotions and lead to dysfunctional behaviour. The negative automatic thoughts are grounded in underlying personal schemas, which reflect the core beliefs about oneself, others, and the world. In CBT, therapists will usually first try to tackle the negative automatic thoughts, before addressing the fundamental schemas, which are formed early in life and formed by upbringing and prior experiences, are deeply rooted and hence more difficult to change. 81 However, many CBT-oriented therapists currently adhere the notion that in the treatment of persistent emotional disorders, it is essential to not only focus on negative automatic thoughts but also to attend the underlying schemas. 82 This could also be true when trying to improve self-focused characteristics: An initial intervention to improve self-compassion followed by an intervention to ameliorate self-esteem might yield superior and more lasting effects for building people’s resilience and well-being.

The fourth and final argument that has been made for preferring self-compassion over self-esteem has to do with the presumed downside of self-esteem, namely that (too) high levels of this trait are no longer protective but rather take the form of narcissistic tendencies, which have been found to be associated with a host of pathological outcomes. 83 While it is true that self-esteem and narcissism are positively correlated, 65 it should be noted that this link is not that strong and so this risk should not be exaggerated. Our meta-analysis of the relation between self-esteem and psychological problems still indicated a clear-cut protective effect for this self-related trait even though several studies included narcissism as an outcome variable. 6 , 84 , 85 This implies that on average the positive effects mostly outweigh possible downsides of high levels of self-esteem. Moreover, it may well be the case that a strong reliance on self-compassion also comes with drawbacks. For example, it has been noted that high levels of self-compassion may be accompanied by feelings of self-pity and self-indulgence, which would undermine a person’s responsibility for his problems, and interfere with the motivation to try to change the adverse circumstances. 86 There has been a consistent tendency to quickly discard this notion, 19 , 20 but as far as we can see no empirical study can be found that has actually investigated the topic. Certainly, this is an interesting issue for further empirical scrutiny.

To take an advance on the research agenda, Figure 4 depicts a basic model in which self-esteem (true and contextual) and self-compassion (self-kindness and allied adaptive coping strategies) form a psychological buffer that promotes resilience and preserves mental well-being in time of adversity. It is assumed that there is a temporal link between self-esteem and self-compassion, in which the former serves as the foundation of the latter. Interesting, a number of studies have already explored this by testing mediation models in which self-compassion acts as the connecting variable between self-esteem (independent variable) and indices of psychological problems 87 , 88 and well-being 89 (dependent variable). Note also that the model includes potential downsides of both self-related concepts: defensiveness (including narcissistic tendencies) in the case of self-esteem and passivity (in the form of self-indulgence and self-pity) in the case of self-compassion, which may undermine the effectivity of the self-related screen against the drawbacks in life.

Model depicting the presumed role of self-esteem and self-compassion in resilience and well-being.

Final Conclusion

In this paper, we want to put forward that self-esteem and self-compassion are relevant inter-correlated (predominantly) positive constructs that play a role in people’s resilience and maintenance of well-being, and hence provide leads for psychological interventions. Rather than creating a competition – in which it is argued that one construct (ie, self-compassion) is more important than the other (ie, self-esteem), it seems more appropriate to view both concepts as complementary. This would imply that researchers should devote more attention to the unique protective roles of self-esteem and self-compassion within a context of well-being and mental health as well as to their additive value in the treatment of people with psychological problems.

The authors report no conflicts of interest in this work.

Students Experiencing Low Self-esteem or Low Perceptions of Competence

This information is designed to help teachers respond to students who may need support. It is not intended to be used as a diagnostic tool or to replace the use of formal assessments employed by mental health professionals. Additionally, it is important to consider the context of the situation, individual differences, and cultural and linguistic considerations.

Teachers are an important part of establishing and maintaining healthy environments for children to learn and grow. Teachers can help students who are not confident in themselves or who are afraid to make a mistake to build their feelings of confidence. Teachers can also play an important role in referring students experiencing low self-esteem to professionals in the building who can be of assistance.

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What is Self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the degree to which students feel satisfied with themselves and feel valuable and worthy of respect.

Perceived competence is a belief that one has skills in a particular area (e.g., math, spelling, peer relationships). Self-esteem and perceived competence are necessary for students to take risks in their learning and to bounce back after failure or adversity. Low self-esteem or lack of confidence leaves students doubting their ability to succeed, making them hesitant to engage in learning or take appropriate academic growth risks. Self-esteem is often built and buttressed through estimable acts and achievements—even small ones.

How Might Low Self-esteem Be Expressed by Students in School?

Students may make self-disparaging comments such as, “I’m stupid,” “I can’t do this,” “I always do everything wrong,” “No one likes me,” etc.

Students with low self-esteem may take blame for things that are not their fault or are out of their control, or they may try to control other children’s behavior to alleviate a sense of helplessness.

Students may react to adversity by giving up, avoiding risks, or disengaging from tasks, or turning off their cameras during virtual learning (VL).

Students may be reluctant to try new things or be unable to tolerate typical levels of frustration. They also may pretend they don’t care, may clown around, or may be aggressive to cover up their lack of confidence, or log off from the virtual learning environment (VLE) abruptly. 

Students may do very well for a period of time, then suddenly underperform. 

Students may be afraid their success was a fluke or be worried that expectations from others are suddenly too high.

What Can Teachers Do?

Do : Give specific and genuine positive feedback on effort rather than outcome, when warranted. For example, “You made a lot of progress on that project in just an hour,” or, “The topic sentence of that paragraph is really strong.”

Don’t praise excessively or vaguely or provide generic praise like, “Good job.”

Do : Point out concrete signs of progress, even if they are small.

Don’t give repeated, general pep talks that include, “You can do it!”

Do : Showcase accomplishments by displaying students’ work in class or calling parents to tell them how proud you are of the students’ efforts.

Don’t focus solely on suboptimal behaviors or performance.

Do : Engage students in a conversation about their interests, and point out students’ skills privately.

Don’t address the behavior publicly or assume a student is just like other students.

Do : Engage the students’ interests by setting them up for success: give them specific tasks at which they will excel, such as caring for the class pet or running things to the front office. In a VLE, this may look like choosing music for the virtual classroom, posting a math question on the discussion board, or reflecting on their strengths on a particular assignment with a peer in a breakout.

Don't ignore or avoid the students or the issues they’re facing or assume they aren’t up to a task.

Do : Be mindful of ensuring equity in terms of acknowledging and providing positive feedback to all students.

Don't continually affirm certain/the same students or compare achievements between students.

Do : Remember that students transitioning from the classroom to VLE, or vice versa, may experience different levels of success depending on the environment.

Don't base feedback upon historical achievements, expectations, or successes; the transition between learning environments impacts many students.

When to Act

• If the student continues to exhibit a significant shift in behavior occurring over several weeks, or the frequency or severity increases, seek extra support from administration or school mental health professionals.
• If the student displays similar patterns of behavior with other subject teachers.
• If you have concerns about the student engaging in self-harming behaviors.

Refer Students to Further Help if Needed

• Be sure to follow relevant school and district policies regarding students experiencing inattention and distractibility in school.
• Contact school counselors, psychologists, social workers, and other mental health or relevant personnel.
• American Psychological Association Topics  
• Using Praise to Enhance Student Resilience and Learning Outcomes
• Maximizing children’s resilience
• Building Self-Esteem
• Being Me: A Kid’s Guide to Boosting Confidence and Self-Esteem  
• I Want Your Moo: A Story for Children About Self-Esteem, Second Edition  
• Institute of Education Sciences Research-Based Strategies for Effective Remote Learning

Related Mental Health Primers

Stress , sadness , bullying

Empirical Research

Beghetto, R. A. (2007). Factors associated with middle and secondary students' perceived science competence. Journal of Research in Science Teaching: The Official Journal of the National Association for Research in Science Teaching, 44 (6), 800-814.

Guay, F., Boggiano, A.K., & Vallerand, R.J. (2001). Autonomy support, intrinsic motivation, and perceived competence: Conceptual and empirical linkages. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27 , 643-650.

Kamins, M. & Dweck, C.S. (1999). Person vs. process praise and criticism: Implications for contingent self-worth and coping. Developmental Psychology , 35, 835-847.

Pesu, L., Viljaranta, J., & Aunola, K. (2016). The role of parents’ and teachers’ beliefs in children’s self-concept development. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 44, 63-71.

Zentall, S. R., & Morris, B. J. (2010). "Good job, you're so smart": The effects of inconsistency of praise type on young children's motivation. Journal of Experimental Psychology, 107 (2), 155-163.

The Mental Health Primers are developed by the Coalition for Psychology in Schools and Education . This resource was updated in October 2021 with support from cooperative agreement NU87PS004366 funded by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Its contents are solely the responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily represent the official views or endorsement of the CDC or the Department of Health and Human Services.

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How to Manage an Insecure Employee

• Rebecca Knight

Give precise and detailed praise.

When employees lack self-confidence or always seem to feel inferior, it can be hard to get them to perform at their best. A bit of handholding may be necessary. At the outset, give your insecure worker projects with well-defined deliverables. Make sure they understand the specifications, the resources available, and the timeline of each task. As time progresses, explain that you expect them to work more independently and to make decisions on their own. Find ways to boost their shaky self-esteem. Create opportunities for success and then offer clear feedback on what enabled that success. Specific and detailed praise, when given in an authentic way, is a big confidence boost. It’s often beneficial to pair your insecure employee with a peer who has complementary skills, or assign them to be a mentor to another junior team member. By asking your subordinate to coach someone else, it reinforces the value they see in themselves.

When employees lack self-confidence, it can be hard to get them to perform at their best. So how can you help them excel at their job? What kind of coaching should you provide? What’s the best way to boost their self-esteem? And how do you deal with your own frustration around their insecure behavior?

• RK Rebecca Knight is a journalist who writes about all things related to the changing nature of careers and the workplace. Her essays and reported stories have been featured in The Boston Globe, Business Insider, The New York Times, BBC, and The Christian Science Monitor. She was shortlisted as a Reuters Institute Fellow at Oxford University in 2023. Earlier in her career, she spent a decade as an editor and reporter at the Financial Times in New York, London, and Boston.

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8 Practical Tips to Stop Being Insecure

Struggles around self-doubt and anxiety in the face of public scrutiny are familiar to most people. These issues are especially prevalent during times of significant changes. For example, when a first-year student joins a new class, moves to a different city, or faces unfamiliar responsibilities. Not everything will be perfect at first. However, that doesn’t mean you should blame yourself and diminish your achievements. This article aims to remind you of these facts and help you build up your self-confidence.

Our team at IvyPanda has collected some advice on how to stop doubting yourself and raise your self-esteem. Additionally, you will find a list of positive affirmations – they will help you feel more confident and composed.

• 👀 Find the Roots
• 🧠 Reframe Thoughts

🥬 Take Care of Your Body

💖 train self-compassion, ✋ filter out toxic people, 💃 embrace the cringe, 📚 check a self-help book.

• 👩 Seek out a Therapist
• 🔮 Bonus 21 Affirmations

🔗 References

👀 find the roots of your insecurities.

Insecurity and self-doubt begin to manifest in our lives from an early age. They appear in childhood as a lack of confidence in our actions or uncertainty about our accomplishments. To get rid of them, you should figure out their source.

Why Am I Insecure?

There are four usual answers to this question: your relationship with your parents, social anxiety, recent failures, or perfectionism. You can see them thoroughly explored in our essay database or in the related articles online.

Let’s examine each of them in short:

• Estranged relationships with your parents. The bond between an individual and their parents greatly impacts their sense of personal security. It begins to form in early childhood and serves as the foundation for constructing subsequent relationships in that person’s life. An individual can develop an insecure attachment style due to trauma or neglect. This leaves them with emotional anxieties that can hinder their sense of self-confidence.
• Social anxiety. Like most emotional issues, social anxiety often stems from childhood (though it can also develop later in life). It can arise as a result of exclusion from friend groups, parental pressure, bullying, discrimination, or other traumatic events. Social anxiety distorts a person’s perception of their self-worth. It makes them believe that others are constantly judging their actions. The fear of being evaluated and considered not good enough leads these individuals to feel self-conscious.
• Recent failures. Everyone goes through challenging periods, occasionally falling short of accomplishing something important. These failures are never pleasant, but they can hit some people harder than others. Individuals with lower self-esteem will usually be more sensitive to setbacks and defeats, which will only reinforce their anxieties. A recent failure, such as a bad grade , may remind them of their insecurities. It can trap them in a cycle of negative self-talk and self-doubt.
• Perfectionism. Ensuring that your work is of a high standard and paying attention to detail are admirable qualities. However, when taken too far, this can turn into perfectionism, which will always leave you feeling disappointed. After all, there is no way to ensure that everything you do will turn out flawless. If you keep blaming yourself for your inability to be perfect, your confidence and self-esteem will significantly suffer.

What Can I Do?

If you have succeeded in determining the source of your self-doubt, it will be much easier for you to manage it. Firstly , understanding the reason for your feelings allows you to assess your situation from a new angle. That could be enough for you to start believing in yourself. Secondly , every problem has its unique solution:

🧠 Reframe Negative Thoughts

When something goes wrong, it is easy to get trapped in a cycle of pessimism and self-blame. However, if you keep putting yourself down, it will only further reinforce your feelings of guilt and insecurity. That’s why it is vital to learn how to reframe your thought pattern.

To start developing your reframing technique according to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy , you can follow these steps:

• Recognize negative thoughts. The first step to successfully managing your negative thought patterns is to become aware of them. Naturally, it is much easier said than done. This is why you have to be mindful of your thoughts and ideas. Strive to recognize those that could become harmful. Pay attention to how your thoughts make you feel and take a mental (or physical!) note.
• Ask yourself questions. When you recognize a negative idea in your mind, pause for a moment. What triggered the thought to appear? Is it helpful? Would you think the same thing if you were giving advice to a friend? Go through this list of questions to determine whether your thought process is constructive.
• Think of the real situation. Your emotional perceptions of reality typically warp your thoughts. Put your feelings aside for a period and step back to assess the facts. Are your thoughts reflective of the situation you are in? Consider only the statements that you know to be accurate at the moment.
• Try to find a different perspective. The end goal of these exercises is to discover an alternative to your harmful thinking patterns. Once you have noticed your negative thoughts and pinpointed the actual facts of the situation, deliberately redirect your mind. In other words, instead of focusing on everything that could go wrong, imagine a helpful and optimistic narrative.

The human body is a complex mechanism. Our organisms may build connections between the most unexpected triggers and actions. For instance, when you are sad, you may just be hungry. When you are irritated, you may need to lie down in silence. When you find yourself insecure, perhaps you should take up self-care and improve your daily routine.

Here is how you can do it:

• Prioritize your sleep. Try to have 7 or 8 hours of quality sleep every day.
• Balance your diet . Your everyday meals should enrich your organism with proteins, healthy fats, and carbohydrates. Plus, eat enough vegetables and fruits.
• Take vitamins. You may lack specific vitamins in some seasons (usually in fall and winter). Deal with the deficiency by consulting with your doctor and deciding what vitamins to intake.
• Prepare healthy snacks. Instead of grabbing chips, buy nuts or yogurt.
• Avoid a sedentary lifestyle. If you’re required to sit most of the day, try to stand up and walk around at least every couple of hours.
• Take care of your body. Nurture it with a massage or other self-care procedures. And stay hydrated – your body needs water!
• Start working out. And try to reach consistency in exercising. For example, attend the gym every Monday and Thursday.
• Create a schedule and stick to it. This will help you to organize your tasks and complete them efficiently.
• Take walks whenever it is possible. For example, instead of getting home from university or working by bus, take a walk.
• Try power naps. If it is possible, combine a cup of coffee with a short nap to recharge your body.
• Support a healthy work-life balance. Make sure you are not overloaded with the tasks and have time to rest .
• Take showers. Do so in the morning, evening, or even in the middle of the day. Rinse your tiredness off and feed your skin with fragrant shower gel and lotion.
• Dedicate some time to doing nothing. Yes, it’s a precious gift you can do for yourself – just to lay in bed for half an hour.

In the previous section, we discussed taking care of your body. Now, let’s explore how to take care of your mind.

If you want to become confident, you first should become compassionate . Not to people around you but to yourself, as your goal here is to become your best friend and biggest supporter. It will definitely help you gain self-worth and understand how to forgive yourself for your mistakes.

When we say “be your best friend,” we mean “treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend.” As soon as you berate yourself for what happened, ask yourself: what would you say if your best friend was in your shoes? Would you be so judgmental? Would you get mad at every little thing?

💡 Remember:

You should prioritize your own interests – that’s the only way you get enough care and attention.

Noticed how your community has a tremendous influence on you? Ever felt incredibly insecure around particular people? This might happen when you are a part of a toxic group or hang out with manipulative people. Surrounded by individuals who always point out your imperfections, you lose your self-esteem bit by bit.

What’s the solution?

Get rid of toxic people – they should not be a part of your life. To figure out such individuals among your peers, try the following:

If you find people in your social circle who check one or more boxes, consider whether you need to communicate with them. Most probably, the answer is no.

Toxic people prevent others from enjoying the moment by filling the entire space with their problems or manipulations. You may not have the opportunity to get rid of them completely. For example, you can’t simply ghost your colleagues, classmates, or family members. In that case, try to distance yourself from them as much as possible. And don’t even think about taking them seriously.

The thing is: you don’t have to be perfect, no matter what your parents or yourself tell you. Not because we don’t believe in you but because achieving perfection is impossible. Try to realize that you’re allowed to make mistakes, fail, lose, and misbehave.

Let yourself be silly! And we can explain how you can do so:

• Let yourself make mistakes . People who don’t make mistakes are those who don’t try hard enough. It is part of the learning process, and you should try to enjoy every part of it. Failing but not giving up is a must to get where you want to be.
• Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Lower unrealistic standards. You don’t have to make everything spot on from the first attempt, but rather try your hardest. It is alright not to be perfect. You are most likely your most demanding critic. So, learn to accept your limitations and be kind to yourself if you want to make your life easier.
• Keep in mind your insecurities. Your inner critic may tend to say that you are not good enough, especially when you’re not confident doing something. Keeping in mind your insecurities will help you fight unwelcomed thoughts. We all have issues and doubts. It is okay to embrace them as part of yourself.
• Look at the bigger picture. If you worry too much about minor things, it will slow you down. Doubting your actions can distract you from your goal and prevent you from enjoying the moment. Ask yourself whether your mistake or failure will still matter tomorrow or five years from now. If the answer is no, you have no reason to beat yourself up.
• Don’t compare yourself to other people. It is one of the most dangerous practices. The more we do it, the worse we feel about ourselves. The tendency is called social comparison, and it tends to make us dissatisfied. Even when we achieve great results and fulfill our dreams, seeing someone accomplish more is an unhealthy practice.
• Seek out the meaning. You can overcome striving to be perfect by wondering why . The answer will let you gain perspective and realize whether something is crucial or not. Instead of getting caught up in your failures, look at your life with a strong sense of purpose. Yes, you might not be perfect, but it’s alright!
• Allow yourself to try. Perfectionism is more about avoiding failure at all costs rather than reaching success. You might prevent yourself from growing just because you are anxious and scared. Considering the situation from the worst-case scenario is the hallmark of perfectionism. Instead, look at the positive side of trying something because it makes you closer to your goal.

If you are embarrassed about some of your hobbies, don’t be. Everyone enjoys different things, so do not be ashamed about something you like. Your passions and interests are not “guilty pleasures” – there is no guilt in taking pleasure from something legal.

According to some studies , good self-help books can encourage you to solve your problems and get rid of self-doubt. You just have to find them among fruitless guides.

Searching for a high-quality self-help book can be a chore, so we’ve gathered a couple of tips that can assist you with it.

We recommend looking at the materials that we have preselected for you. It’s a great way to start the quest of finding your perfect self-help book to fight insecurities.

Self-Help Books We Recommend

• Everything Isn’t Terrible by Kathleen Smith Dr. Kathleen Smith, a therapist and mental health professional, wrote a book for those who want to stay calm in the anxious world we all live in. The book will help you confront your destructive thoughts and take control of them. It consists of short chapters with stories from Smith’s practice. Plus, it provides exercises and tools to get calm.
• Sabotage: How Insecurity Destroys Everything by Trinity Jordan Trinity Jordan has been a minister for fourteen years of his life. He claims that our insecurities and lack of confidence alienate us from God. One of the commandments is to love God and others as we love ourselves. However, the key is to learn how to love ourselves. Regardless of your religious beliefs, the book can help you gain self-confidence and a new perspective on life. It addresses issues of insecurities and assists in building good relationships.
• Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff by Richard Carlson In this book, the writer tells how to focus on the essential things in life. The small things should not keep you from living your life to the fullest.

• They F*** You Up: How to Survive Family Life by Oliver James Oliver James, a clinical psychologist, says that how we were cared for in the first six years of our life affects how we behave as adults. Love shapes our nature. And understanding our past can help us live our present-day freely. This book is for people who do not want to let a lack of confidence destroy their families.
• Get Out of Your Head by Jennie Allen The book is for people who want to control their negative thoughts. Some thinking patterns can be very toxic. Thus, true freedom is only possible when we refuse to be victims of our destructive minds. Get Out of Your Head helps us have a more positive outlook on our emotions and the circumstances around us.
• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown Brené Brown wrote a book that presents daily practices for living wholeheartedly. She explores definitions of what an “imperfect” life is and suggests embracing an authentic way of life instead. The author wants the readers to accept imperfections as something normal.
• Almost Already: Insecurities, Failures and Other Fun Things Nobody Likes to Talk About by Jonathan Tony The writer of the book states that everyone has insecurities. Despite this fact, in a world that seems perfect, people are embarrassed to admit to their self-doubts. Almost Already honestly addresses everyday issues. The author recalls the situations from his own life and even points out the Bible characters that struggled with insecurities.
• Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey This is one of the most influential business books of the 20th century. These seven habits are famous on the Internet, even among people who know nothing about the market.

The writer explains the habits in detail and gives a step-by-step living plan with honesty, integrity, human dignity, and fairness.

• So Long, Insecurity: You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Us by Beth Moore In the culture of sexism, women struggle to accept themselves because insecurities and fears rob them of joy. The book feels like a conversation with a close friend who is not afraid of stating the truth. The author invites women of all ages to be honest about their insecurities and stop comparing themselves with others. Instead, embrace our place in the world.

👩‍⚕️ Seek out a Therapist

In some cases, our advice might turn out to be completely ineffective. This is not that weird or unusual. Every person has to find their own unique way of dealing with insecurities. The thing that works for you might not turn up on this page. If none of the methods you have tried are effective, you might want to seek some additional help. In that case, we advise turning to a therapist.

It is a good idea to look for a specialist if:

In short, we encourage you to seek out a specialist at any moment you feel like you can’t handle an issue on your own. Even when that issue is a lack of confidence in yourself.

🔮 Bonus 21 Positive Affirmations to Get You Going

Positive thinking is a powerful tool when it comes to building your self-esteem. Yet, it can be quite tough to practice, especially for people with numerous insecurities. That’s why we recommend you try affirmations first.

When we believe in something wholeheartedly, it is more likely to come true. This may sound like fairytale magic, but it is entirely factual . Consciously focusing on a particular thought allows us to strengthen its presence in our minds. This is why positive affirmations effectively break the old negative thinking patterns. These are short sentences or phrases that you can repeat in your mind to build up new pathways in your brain for confident thoughts.

So as not to burden you with additional tasks and worries, we’ve already prepared a list of positive affirmations. Look through them and find the most relevant phrases that you will be able to repeat to yourself every day.

Thank you for reading our article! We hope it will help you become more confident in yourself and your abilities. If you think that our tips can help your friends, send them a link to this page.

• Insecurity – GoodTherapy
• The 3 Most Common Causes of Insecurity and How to Beat Them – Melanie Greenberg, Psychology Today
• 9 Therapist-Approved Tips for Reframing Your Existential Anxiety – Anna Borges, SELF
• 5 Self-Care Practices for Every Area of Your Life – Elizabeth Scott, Verywell Mind
• How to Stop Being Insecure and Build Self-Esteem – Cindy Lamothe, HealthLine
• Stop Being So Hard on Yourself – Melody Wilding, Harvard Business Review
• How to Practice Self-Compassion: 8 Techniques and Tips – Catherine Moore, PositivePsychology.com
• How to Practice Self Compassion and Tame Your Inner Critic – Kerstin Graebner, BetterUp
• Using Affirmations: Harnessing Positive Thinking – MindTools
• Signs of a Toxic Person – WebMD
• How Do I Know if I Need Therapy? – APA, American Psychological Association
• 14 Best Books on Overcoming Insecurity – Carmen Jacob, UpJourney
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How to Boost Self-Esteem: 12 Simple Exercises & CBT Tools

We may find ourselves taking fewer career risks, withdrawing from social engagements, and even avoiding making new friends (McKay & Fanning, 2016).

Research has shown self-esteem to be a powerful internal monitor of the degree to which our “need for social inclusion is satisfied or threatened” (Orth & Robins, 2019, p. 336).

Self-esteem is vital for our psychological wellbeing, and its absence is likely to leave many basic needs unfulfilled (McKay & Fanning, 2016).

This article explores what we mean by self-esteem and introduces techniques and tools to develop it further.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Self-Compassion Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will not only help you increase the compassion and kindness you show yourself, but also give you the tools to help your clients, students, or employees show more compassion to themselves.

This Article Contains:

What is self-esteem, 2 real-life examples, how to boost self-esteem, 3 self-esteem activities & exercises, cbt for improving self-esteem, 6 helpful workbooks & worksheets, assessing self-esteem: a scale & questionnaire, helpful resources from positivepsychology.com, a take-home message.

While researchers have long been fascinated by what self-esteem is , how it first emerges in childhood, and how it changes across our lifespan, only in the last couple of decades has a more precise understanding begun to emerge (Orth & Robins, 2019).

Self-esteem is a subjective construct, well suited to being measured through self-report. It does not necessarily offer an objective reflection of a person’s competencies, characteristics, or even how others see them.

Typically, researchers distinguish between global and domain-specific self-esteem. Globally, it relates to how the individual evaluates their worth, while domain-specificity indicates feelings of worth in a single area, such as physical appearance, relationships, and intellectual capability (Orth & Robins, 2019).

How does self-esteem develop?

Although research suggests global self-esteem is influenced by both genetic (approximately 40%) and environmental factors, it remains unclear exactly how it emerges in early life (Orth & Robins, 2019).

While one bottom-up view suggests self-esteem arises as a child forms beliefs about their talents in specific domains, another proposes it evolves from early experiences of meaningful interpersonal relationships. Self-esteem research recognizes the importance of the family environment, including the quality of the parental relationship (Orth & Robins, 2019).

How stable is self-esteem?

Self-esteem varies across situations and age; much of the research suggests it is low in childhood, increasing in adolescence, at its maximum in adulthood, then reducing in old age. However, it remains relatively stable throughout our lives in relation to others, and “the evidence supports the notion that self-esteem is an enduring personality characteristic” (Orth & Robins, 2019, p. 331).

Unless we focus on changing it, if we are insecure as children, we are likely to be so in adulthood.

What influences the development of self-esteem?

We all differ in how our self-esteem changes over time. Much of these individual differences are influenced, sometimes indirectly, by the following factors (Orth & Robins, 2019):

• Gender and ethnicity
• Social relationships
• Socioeconomic status
• Work success
• Stressful life events
• Cultural context

For example, the influence of gender on self-esteem is small and typically reduces as adolescents move into adulthood (Ramachandran, 2012). Any effect of gender on self-esteem is also, most likely, indirect. In some cultures, women are given lower status, and in some situations, women are treated differently in work and educational environments (Orth & Robins, 2019).

Social relationships have a considerable impact on our self-esteem. “Self-esteem is an internal monitor of the degree to which the individual’s need for social inclusion is satisfied or threatened” (Orth & Robins, 2019, p. 336).

Every seven years, the children were interviewed up until they reached middle age.

At seven years old, one of the participants, Suzy, was a heartfelt young child, very capable of expressing enthusiasm and pleasure in her life. By the age of 14, she had become withdrawn, stepping back from what interested and excited her as a young child.

By 49, having led a turbulent life, she expressed “regret that she failed to take responsibility for herself in life and develop a stronger sense of her self-worth” (Orth & Robins, 2019, p. 328).

It seems a romantic relationship in her 20s had led Suzy’s life satisfaction and self-esteem to soar, but a rollercoaster life thereafter had led to many ups and downs, impacting her degree of self-esteem.

The story of a young entomologist is taken up by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning (2016) in their bestselling book Self-Esteem . During job interviews, the entomologist would make bold judgments about the interviewers based on how they were dressed. And when asked questions, he would weigh up what he believed they wanted to hear against a continuous, self-critical monologue.

He had listened to this voice for years. “That was a stupid answer […] you’re a fraud […] do something!” By the end of the interviews, his self-esteem would be through the floor. Having tuned out, his answers became increasingly vague; he developed a slight stammer and had all but given up (McKay & Fanning, 2016, p. 19).

Download 3 Free Self-Compassion Exercises (PDF)

These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you to help others create a kinder and more nurturing relationship with themselves.

Download 3 Free Self-Compassion Tools Pack (PDF)

By filling out your name and email address below.

When we learn to switch off or refute our inner critic, we can stop the cycle of self-sabotage and regain control before harming our sense of self-esteem and self-worth.

Importantly, research suggests that therapy can increase clients’ sense of self-worth ; they begin to see themselves as more deserving and capable (McKay & Fanning, 2016).

Along with cognitive restructuring, which we discuss below, many techniques can help defeat the inner critic, including:

• Identifying strengths While specific virtues, such as humanity and temperance, are associated with good self-esteem and a positive self-view, recognition and repeated use of our strengths can bolster how we see ourselves (Niemiec & McGrath, 2019; McKay & Fanning, 2016).
• Self-acceptance While recognizing our positive qualities and our enduring strengths is vital for self-esteem, it is critical to adopt an attitude and language of non-judgment and self-acceptance of ourselves and others
• Inflexible rules and should’s — Our unbending sense of right and wrong often results from cultural, parental, and peer expectations.
• Perfectionism — Reframing mistakes requires learning to think of mistakes without the painful qualities that make us believe we have failed.
• Extreme vulnerability to criticism — “The trick to handling criticism is not to let it make you forget your self-esteem” (McKay & Fanning, 2016, p. 188).
• Non-assertiveness — Low self-esteem can prevent us from asking others for what we want.

Discussing each problem in therapy and exploring and practicing strategies that help reframe our beliefs can be enormously influential in managing and developing self-esteem.

It is made up of the “cyclical negative thoughts and emotions that turn our singular capacity for introspection into a curse rather than a blessing” (Kross, 2021, p. xix).

Catch the critic through self-awareness

Feeling depressed or generally down on ourselves is often the product of our inner critic. It can, therefore, be helpful to catch self-criticism in the act.

Try the following steps (modified from McKay & Fanning, 2016):

• With your eyes closed, take some slow, deep breaths.
• Relax your body, eliminating tension across your shoulders, legs, abdomen, face, neck, and shoulders.
• Become aware of where you feel tension in your body.
• Focus on that area of your body, and become fully conscious of how it feels.
• Listen to your thoughts that go with the feelings focusing on that body area.

What are those thoughts saying to you? Try to remember when those feelings began. What was the critic saying then?

Regularly performing this exercise will help you become more familiar with the content of your inner critic’s attacks.

Talking back

Once you know how your inner criticism can be damaging and when it typically occurs, it is possible to challenge it.

Talking back to your critic may seem a little odd, but learning to reject your negative programming is incredibly valuable.

When you observe your inner critic at work, try the following two talking back methods (McKay & Fanning, 2016):

• Ask the price

Ask yourself, what price am I paying for the attacks by my inner critic? Create a list of what your inner critic costs you.

For example: I avoid socializing with new people. I constantly think people at work don’t respect me.

Combine the points into statements that you can use to challenge the critic:

I can’t afford this; you are costing me my social life and damaging my career.

• Affirmation of worth

To disarm the critic, especially with deeply held negative beliefs, you must learn to replace its voice with “a positive awareness of your own worth” (McKay & Fanning, 2016, p. 42).

And it’s not easy. You need to challenge long-held beliefs, and recognize you are valuable as a human being.

McKay and Fanning (2016, p. 42) offer the following affirmation examples:

I am worthwhile because I breathe and feel and am aware. I feel pain, I love, and I try to survive. I am a good person.

Your aim is to create a statement that feels authentic for you, one you can use to replace your inner critic.

Self-esteem: how it changes and 2 ways to boost it

The cognitive model associated with Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) proposes that dysfunctional thinking exists in all psychological disturbances. A person’s emotional state and behavior can be helped when they “learn to evaluate their thinking in a more realistic and adaptive way” (Beck, 2011, p. 3).

While there are many tools and techniques to improve self-esteem , cognitive restructuring techniques have proven rapid and highly effective.

McKay and Fanning (2016, p. 6) suggest “an exploration of chronic self-talk, a systematic confrontation of cognitive distortions, and the development of a more accurate and compassionate self-evaluation” to elevate a client’s sense of self-worth.

Cognitive restructuring

The therapist begins by exploring the client’s thoughts. What were you thinking or saying to yourself at that time?

It can be helpful for the client to give a name to their inner critic. Providing the voice with an identity means it can be externalized and experienced as an external factor rather than ‘me.’

The client should also be introduced to their healthy voice (their ‘accepting’ or ‘rational’ agent), the one who thinks realistically.

Through helping the client see the dichotomy, it is possible to challenge their harshest critic (themselves) using their healthy voice .

Next, the client should be helped to recognize why they use their critical voice and how it may appear to protect them. For example:

What was the critic saying when you were meeting new people? What do you think the critic was trying to protect you from? How was the critic doing this?

Perhaps the critic was preparing you for rejection or protecting you by encouraging you not to engage.

Once the critic’s function is better understood, it is possible to ask the client what they would be forced to experience if the critic weren’t stopping or limiting them (McKay & Fanning, 2016).

How does the critic help you in this or other similar situations? What are you scared might happen if the critic were silenced?

The client can learn what reinforces the inner critic and how some of their important needs can be met in healthier ways (McKay & Fanning, 2016).

Identifying distortions

Distorted ways of thinking can also lower our self-esteem. By identifying the many types of distortion, they become easier to spot, and it becomes possible to replace toxic language with something more accurate.

Socratic questioning can be a powerful way to expose logical inconsistencies in what is being said and produce a more accurate statement (modified from McKay & Fanning, 2016):

• Questions used to expose overgeneralization: Is it true that you always mess up? Are you saying you never do anything right?
• Questions used to expose faulty labeling: Is it true that a B on the test means you are failing?
• Questions used to expose a lack of evidence: What evidence do you have that people think you are messing up?

Such questioning reveals that our inner voice is not only inaccurate, but incorrect, and there are healthier ways to view our performances and behavior.

Refuting the critic

Over time, the client can learn to confront distortions every time they hear them. By challenging them during self-esteem therapy , it can become easier to fight them in real-world scenarios (McKay & Fanning, 2016).

Catching Your Critic

It is necessary to catch the critic early to build and maintain self-esteem.

It requires vigilance, especially when meeting strangers, people you find attractive, situations where you have made a mistake, and when you risk failure or rejection (McKay & Fanning, 2016).

The Catching Your Critic exercise can help you recognize that inner critic. You should begin to understand when you are most critical and when you need to challenge or reign in your inner critic.

Three Column Technique

Vigilance is crucial in handling cognitive distortions. Once identified, we can refute them (McKay & Fanning, 2016).

The Three Column Technique  is helpful for the identification and rebuttal of cognitive distortion when a situation makes you feel depressed or discouraged.

Discovering and Revising Your Should’s

The Discovering and Revising Your Should’s helps you recognize the statements that define how you feel you should behave and then consider their positives and negatives.

If the ‘should’ is undermining your self-esteem, and the negatives outweigh the positives, then it needs to be cut from your internal self-talk (McKay & Fanning, 2016).

Being Realistic About Your Weaknesses

The Being Realistic About Your Weaknesses worksheet can help you take a fresh look at the qualities you consider weaknesses without using them as instruments for destructive self-attacks that damage your self-esteem (modified from McKay & Fanning, 2016).

Wants Into Words

When our self-esteem is low, it can be difficult to ask for what we want or need.

The Wants Into Words worksheet can help you prepare in advance by constructing an assertive request (modified from McKay & Fanning, 2016).

Goal Setting for Self-Esteem

Goal setting is invaluable in all aspects of our lives. It is particularly beneficial when areas of our life feel bad.

The Goal Setting for Self-Esteem worksheet can help you capture aspects of your life that currently feel bad and assign goals to fix them or reduce their impact.

One of the most widely used and well-validated measures of self-esteem is the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale .

The questionnaire contains 10 items (five positively worded and five negatively worded), scored on a Likert scale ranging from strongly disagree to strongly agree (University of Maryland Department of Sociology, 2021).

Prompts include:

I feel that I have a number of good qualities. I feel that I do not have much to be proud of. On the whole, I am satisfied with myself.

Our article discussing the 9 Best Self-Esteem Questionnaires  also includes the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale.

17 Exercises To Foster Self-Acceptance and Compassion

Help your clients develop a kinder, more accepting relationship with themselves using these 17 Self-Compassion Exercises [PDF] that promote self-care and self-compassion.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

We have many free self-esteem worksheets and exercises that you can use with your clients to develop their self-esteem.

Here are just a few to get you started:

• Self-Esteem Journal for Adults This worksheet presents a series of journaling prompts that inspire reflection on one’s best attributes and positive aspects of life.
• My ‘Love Letter’ to Myself This exercise helps clients recognize and consider the applications of their many great qualities as a means to strengthen self-esteem and resilience.
• What I See in YOU This group exercise helps clients gain insight into the many wonderful qualities others perceive in them, helping to boost self-esteem and support more positive self-appraisals.
• Shifting Codependency Patterns Codependency could be underpinned by maladaptive thinking patterns, including self-esteem. Use this resource to assess the impact of codependency on relationships.
• Designing Affirmations This worksheet helps clients design positively focused, goal-oriented affirmations that they can regularly practice to encourage greater self-esteem.
• Recommended books 27 Best Books to Improve Self-Esteem , Self-Worth, and Self-Image is a related article with suggestions for books to address low self-esteem, self-esteem for kids and teenagers, and even a few audiobooks.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others develop self-compassion, this collection contains 17 validated self-compassion tools for practitioners. Use them to help others create a kinder and more nurturing relationship with the self.

Our sense of self – who we are – is based on our identity. It builds on our self-understanding, self-concept (basic beliefs about who we are), and, crucially, our self-esteem (Ramachandran, 2012).

While self-understanding suggests a degree of self-knowledge, and self-concept indicates basic beliefs about who we are, “ self-esteem refers to an individual’s subjective evaluation of his or her worth as a person” (Orth & Robins, 2019, p. 329).

And it’s crucial. As McKay and Fanning (2016, p. 1) wrote, “self-esteem is essential for psychological survival,” and without it, our basic needs are likely to go unmet.

While our genes influence self-esteem, it can be transformed by external circumstances and influences, including parenting and therapy. Indeed, cognitive therapy has been shown to raise self-esteem by changing clients’ beliefs and how they interpret life.

Try some of the self-esteem exercises, activities, and worksheets with your clients. They are powerful tools to help them recognize their positive and negative beliefs and cognitive distortions, and identify ways to adopt a less-critical view of themselves.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Self-Compassion Exercises for free .

• Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond . Guilford Press.
• Kross, E. (2021). Chatter: The voice in our head and how to harness it . Vermilion.
• McKay, M., & Fanning, P. (2016). Self-esteem . New Harbinger.
• Orth, U., & Robins, R. W. (2019). Development of self-esteem across the lifespan. In D. P. McAdams, R. L. Shiner, & J. L. Tackett (Eds.), Handbook of personality development (pp. 328–344). Guilford Press.
• Niemiec, R. M., & McGrath, R. E. (2019). The power of character strengths: Appreciate and ignite your positive personality . VIA Institute on Character.
• Ramachandran, V. S. (2012). Encyclopedia of human behavior . Elsevier Academic Press.
• University of Maryland Department of Sociology. (2021). Using the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale . Retrieved July 5, 2021, from https://socy.umd.edu/about-us/using-rosenberg-self-esteem-scale

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What our readers think.

Hi, Its amazing piece of counseling and being a counselor i could relate almost everything and strategies with my present clients. I would love to be your team member for learning more from you guys and polish and enhance my counseling powers. Thank you.

Thank you so much for this very informative article on self-esteem! It will help me greatly as I start my counseling activities.

This is a very informative article. Please keep up with your publishing

thank you Jeremy. This is very helpful. Shall use it with my clients and myself!

Hi Jeremy, I am a psychotherapist and trying to help my own daughter with self-esteem. She has grown up in a very loving family I don’t understand why she criticizes herself a lot. Your article came out like medicine to me although I practice most of them with my clients. I just want to say that I noticed we need to be careful when we accept compliments. There is a risk of living on the compliments. If we don’t get any compliments about something that day we may feel down.

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Social media and self-doubt.

How parents can help kids resist the pressure created by artfully curated social media feeds.

Writer: Rae Jacobson

Clinical Experts: Jill Emanuele, PhD , Kimberly Alexander, PsyD

What You'll Learn

• How does social media affect teens?
• What can parents do to help?

Social media can be fun, exciting, even helpful. But for some teens, all those pictures of awesome vacations, perfect bodies, and great-looking lives can fuel self-doubt. How can parents help teenagers have a healthier relationship with their social feeds?

Keeping teens from falling into the social media trap is harder than it sounds. Parents can start by taking it seriously. Social media plays a huge role in teenage life. Many teens never knew a world where social media didn’t exist. For them the things that happen online — fights, break-ups, likes, mean comments — are very real. When you talk about it with your teen, let them know you take their feelings seriously. For example you could say: “That comment was pretty mean. I’m sorry that happened. How are you feeling about it?”

Encourage teens to take what they see on social media with a (large) grain of salt. Asking questions can help. For example, are their friends are really the people they seem to be online? And is your child the person they seem to be online? Why does getting likes feel good? Do they feel better or worse after looking at social media? Check in regularly and if you notice your child is feeling down, ask them if their feed is helping or harming.

If you’re worried that social media is taking a toll on your child, family “unplugging” can help. That means everyone (yes, parents too) agrees not to use social media for a few days. It can help to set a goal to work towards during your detox. For example, learning to knit, or watching a series of movies as a family. Check in regularly, and notice how you feel without the social feed. If kids report feeling better, you could make the unplugging a regular thing.

In the end, remind your teen that your goal is to help them feel happy and safe. Understanding how they are affected by what they choose to do, online and off, will help.

“Look,” says Sasha, a 16-year-old junior in high school, scrolling slowly through her Instagram feed. “See: pretty coffee, pretty girl, cute cat, beach trip. It’s all like that. Everyone looks like they’re having the best day ever, all the time.”

Magazines and advertising have long been criticized for upholding dangerously unrealistic standards of success and beauty, but at least it’s acknowledged that they are idealized. The models wearing Size 0 clothing are just that: models. And even they are made-up, retouched, and photoshopped.

These days, however, the impossible standards are set much closer to home, not by celebrities and models but by classmates and friends. With social media, teens can curate their lives, and the resulting feeds read like highlight reels, showing only the best and most enviable moments while concealing efforts, struggles, and the merely ordinary aspects of day-to-day life. And there’s evidence that those images are causing distress for many kids.

Sometimes, says Sasha, looking at friends’ posts “makes you feel like everyone has it together but you.”

Hiding imperfection

For kids experiencing anxiety or depression, carefully edited social media posts can act as a smoke screen, masking serious issues behind pretend perfection and making it harder for parents or friends to see that they need help.

“It’s important to remember that just posting edited pictures online or pretending your life is a little more glamorous than it is, is not in itself a problem,” says Jill Emanuele , PhD, Senior Director of the Mood Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute. “Social media alone is unlikely to be at the heart of the issue, but it can make a difficult situation even harder.”

Teens who have created idealized online personas may feel frustrated and depressed at the gap between who they pretend to be online and who they truly are.

Other people’s perfection

Another, more prevalent problem, says Dr. Emanuele, is that for some teens their social feeds can become fuel for negative feelings they have about themselves. Kids struggling with self-doubt read into their friends’ images what they feel they are lacking.

“Kids view social media through the lens of their own lives,” says Dr. Emanuele. “If they’re struggling to stay on top of things or suffering from low self-esteem, they’re more likely to interpret images of peers having fun as confirmation that they’re doing badly compared to their friends.”

Difficult to resist

Sasha and her friend Jacob, 15, agree that constant exposure to social media has had an impact on how they view their peers and themselves. “It’s like you know it isn’t making you happy,” says Jacob, referring to the pictures his friends post on Instagram. “But you still look.”

Even the knowledge that these images mask serious problems doesn’t seem to alleviate the pressure they cause.

“I knew a girl who had an eating disorder. We all knew it. It got so bad that she ended up going to a treatment center, but when she put pictures up of herself on the beach looking super-thin everyone liked them anyway,” says Sasha.

Logically, she says, she knew the pictures weren’t current and the girl was very ill, but that didn’t stop her from feeling a twinge of jealousy. “I remember thinking ‘I wish I looked like that’ and then being horrified at myself.”

Sasha also acknowledges the trouble of “liking” images that in this case provided dangerous validation. “It’s like we were saying, ‘Good job.’ ”

Social media and teenagers: How to help

What can parents do to help kids build a safe and reasonable relationship with social media before they’re out on their own?

• Take social media seriously.  Don’t underestimate the role social media plays in the lives of teenagers. Visual images are very powerful, and teenagers today, the things that happen online—slights, break-ups, likes, or negative comments—are very real. When you talk about social media make sure you’re really listening and be careful not to dismiss or minimize their experiences.
• Encourage them to think outside the (crop) box.  When you talk to your child about social media, encourage them to explore it in a more critical way. A great way to start is to try asking them what they think has been cropped or edited out of their friends’ “perfect” pictures and why. That can lead to larger questions. Do you think your friends are really the people they appear to be online? Are you? What is it about getting “likes” that feels good? How does looking at social media affect your mood?
• Model a healthy response to failure.  Kids need to learn that it’s okay to fail. Instead of minimizing your own failures, let your kids see you being open about them and accepting them with grace. Show them that you treat failure not as something to be ashamed of, but something to learn from.
• Praise (and show) effort. When your child has worked hard on something, praise her efforts no matter what the outcome. It’s also helpful to show your own efforts, especially those that don’t end in success. Being proud and open about your own work sets a powerful example for your child.
• Go on a “social holiday.”  If you’re worried that your child is getting too wrapped up in social media, try taking a social holiday. And if you’re asking your child to take a break, do the same yourself. You may find it just as challenging as kids do.  
• Trust people, not pictures.  Finally, don’t rely on social media to let you know how your child is really doing. They may post smiling selfies all day long, but if they seem unhappy or sound unhappy on the phone, don’t let it go . Make sure they know it’s safe to talk to you by encouraging them to share their feelings and supporting them when they do. Reassure them that you’re proud of them for reaching out. “I’m so glad you called. It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed, I’m here and I love you. Let’s talk this through together.”

In the end, as a parent you want your child to be happy and successful. But making sure they know you love them and you’re proud of them as they are — unfiltered, unedited, imperfect — will help them build confidence they need to accept themselves and stay safe and healthy when they’re out on their own.

Frequently Asked Questions

Social media can make it look as though everyone else’s life is perfect. Impossible standards can be set not just by celebrities and models but by classmates and friends curating and filtering their pictures. There is evidence that this can negatively impact self-esteem.

Social media can be harmful for teens’ mental health. Comparing themselves to others can undermine self-esteem, and a teen’s own carefully edited, perfect-looking feed can mask serious issues, making it harder for friends or parents or to see that they need help.

Parents can help teens by not dismissing the impact of social media. Check in regularly and if you notice your child is feeling down, ask them to think about how their social media use is helping or harming them. Encourage them to drop feeds and cut back on habits that are making them feel bad.

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Low self esteem and insecurity - 'obstacles in your life' essay

cocowing 1 / -   Aug 5, 2015   #1 Describe an obstacle in your life and the skills/resources you used to resolve it Any tips to make my essay better? Grammar help would be awesome too! When one thinks of hardships in life, one often only considers the external conflicts faced. It is easy to overlook the threat that obstacles within pose. How can anyone function normally when they are fighting an inner battle with their own self? Low self esteem and insecurity are common many children growing up and it's effects are constantly underrated. Stemming from growing up an introvert in a family full of outgoing personas, I slowly withdrew from any social activities due to a sense that I wasn't good enough. And while my parents were as accepting and supporting as they could be, it could not phase the pressure I put on myself to meet certain standards that I perceived were expected of me. When middle school rolled around, the most trivial, rocky, and developmental time of them all, any confidence I had left was torn away by particularly cruel classmates. I began being known as the "girl who didn't talk." It was as if every day I was being told to speak up and be more talkative. Unnecessary teasing made my insecurity worse and made me feel as if there was something inside me needing to be fixed. I was made to feel guilty for wanting time alone rather than desiring to be surrounded by people. I felt paralyzed with insecurity in every situation i was faced with, especially at school. Before any presentation or mandatory gathering, I was left shaking and almost in tears. I was left helpless, feeling as if i would never change. It wasn't until high school came around that I decided I needed to work on myself, not for anyone else, solely for my happiness. I finally made the decision that I didn't want to go through anymore of my young years in a self-made prison of insecurity. The summer before school started, I slowly started practicing being more social, whether it be paying at the cashier or complimenting a stranger. Each time an activity got easier, I would assign myself a more difficult one. By the end of the summer, I had transformed into a functioning and social teenager. I shocked myself with how capable I was all long to communicate with others without being terrified of how i would mess it up. I taught myself to grow into a confident and independent women. When the little shy girl occasionally shines through, I remember how hard i worked to turn my life around and change myself for the better.