essay on disadvantages of being a gentleman

Gentleman's Gazette

What It Means To Be A Gentleman Today

by Sven Raphael Schneider

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You hear it everywhere these days: the term “gent” or “gentleman” has become ubiquitous in men’s magazines, blogs, and conversations . Videos welcome “gentlemen” and everybody seems to use the word for a wide range of men.

The Original Gentleman

The definition of a modern gentleman, the challenges of being a gentleman in everyday life.

A reader recently took us to task by saying that anything other than the traditional definition of a gentleman is a disappointment. Another claimed that a gentleman must have staff and would never cook for himself.

We couldn’t disagree more – the definition of a gentleman has changed and for the better. Prince Phillip, a textbook “gentleman” of wealth and position, is also famous for his potty mouth and racist gaffes. Are these gentlemanly behaviors? Certainly not.

Since the definition of a gentleman is so fundamental to what the Gentleman’s Gazette is, we thought it was time to outline how we see the gentleman today.

A hundred years ago, a gentleman was a man of high social position and wealth. Even today dictionaries still retain this definition, as well as several others:

• A chivalrous, courteous, or honorable man.
• A polite or formal way of referring to a man.
• A man of noble birth attached to a royal household
• A man of good social position, especially one of wealth and leisure
• A courteous title for a male fellow member of the House of Commons or the House of Representatives

So what does it really mean? There is much more to being a gentleman than mere courtesy; traditional acts of chivalry can come off as condescending, and “honor” is a highly relative concept.

These days, the title “gentleman” is no longer relevant as an indication of one’s refinement and character, as it was once assumed to be for men of wealth and title who didn’t have to work for a living.

In our opinion, the term is far more egalitarian, and these days, to say you are a gentleman means you have to earn it. Wealth and power are no longer enough, and in fact, they simply aren’t a relevant part of the modern definition. Money and position can’t buy you class or respect.

The term is far more complicated, and we think it’s important to shed some light on why and how we use it, and why the definition of the modern gentleman matters.

We firmly believe any man can be a gentleman if he wants to be, but it’s not a small undertaking. It’s a journey, something that a man continually strives to be, rather than a destination. A gentleman is:

• A Gentleman is Imperfect. This may be the most important characteristic on the list. The term “gentleman” isn’t meant to be an unattainable ideal; it takes into account basic human nature, in which we all make mistakes, choices, and judgments every day. The difference lies in that a gentleman does not believe himself to be perfect, but instead takes ownership and responsibility for the things he can control: his actions, knowledge, and approach to the world.
• A Gentleman Has High Standards. High standards push people to do the best they can, and gentlemen set them for themselves. A gentleman expects a high standard of quality, value, and functionality from the things he buys to the things he does. He expects as much of himself as he does of other people.
• A Gentleman is Well Dressed : This one shouldn’t be a surprise. A well-dressed man is appropriately attired based on the season, the occasion, and his own style. Dressing well isn’t a matter of money for a gentleman, but rather of careful curation of clothing and accessories based on his means, the occasion, and his tastes. His dress demonstrates that he recognizes the power of clothes the impression they make, and the role they play in society. Clothes are used to convey a gentleman’s respect for his host, his office, or for the host of an event, but not to shock, evoke jealousy, or show off. Dressing well is a point of pride for a gentleman because it demonstrates his personality and taste.
• A Gentleman Has Good Manners : Here, we agree with the dictionary. A gentleman is courteous, polite, and respectful. He says please and thank you, waits his turn in line, and treats others as they wish to be treated. He is an equitable conversation partner  and displays good table manners and dining etiquette .
• A Gentleman is Open Minded : A gentleman does not believe that his opinions and knowledge are complete and unquestionable. He strives to learn, is open to new ideas, accepts constructive criticism, and welcomes failure as a path to growth and self-awareness. A gentleman does not argue purely for the pleasure of being right but focuses on is able to put himself in other people’s shoes for the purposes of understanding an alternate perspective from his own. 
• A Gentleman is Interesting and Informed : These days it is easy to get lost in the cycle of sleep-work-netflix-repeat that deprives people of anything interesting to say. An interesting man can successfully carry a conversation about a number of subjects, is interested in the world around him and how it works, and actively seeks to grow his knowledge for his own character building and enjoyment. Hobbies and personal interests reveal his passions and his engagement with activities that are meaningful to him.
• A Gentleman’s Actions Match His Words . Quite simply, a gentleman makes promises that he intends to keep.
• A Gentleman Treats People with Respect : When we say people, we mean everyone – women, colleagues, superiors, waitstaff and customer service people. This reflects a gentleman’s belief that all people are created equal; he does not claim to have more or fewer rights than those around him. He is compassionate with those less fortunate than himself. He doesn’t believe that the world is a zero-sum game, nor does he believe that putting someone else down will lift him up.
• A Gentleman Recognizes the Difference Between Arrogance and Confidence.  If an arrogant man  who believes himself   to be of   superior importance relies on his opinion of himself relative to others. A gentleman believes in himself and his abilities independently of other people. An arrogant man must always win to feel validated while a gentleman self-validates from within. 
• A Gentleman Wields Power Purposefully.  Though there are many potential sources for the statement “with great power comes great responsibility,” there is an inherent truth in it for a gentleman. If he is in a position of power, he combines all of the above traits to utilize that power purposefully and not selfishly. Not for revenge, not for his own personal gain, and not in a way that tramples the rights of others.
• A Gentleman Gives People the Benefit of the Doubt.  Even though it can be a challenge to avoid cynicism in a tough world, a gentleman chooses to give people the benefit of the doubt. The person who cut you off on the highway may have received bad news; a friend may not respond to your call because they are behind at work – a gentleman tries not to jump to negative conclusions about other people.

So why does this all matter? It matters because being a gentleman sets a high bar for men, us included, to actively work towards every day. Rather than being a destination, it’s an aspiration that comes from the lifetime pursuit of personal betterment, self-awareness, and motivation.

The highest achievement is to be recognized as a gentleman by those around you, since at it’s core it is an honor conferred only by other people.  We use the term gentleman frequently, and we think it should mean something. It’s not just a way to address other men; it’s a statement about who we are and who we want to be.

While all of this sounds admirable, living up to those ideals day in and day out can become quite challenging at times. When a man is in a bad mood, stressed or tired, he may say or do things that are out of character . In those situations it is important to apologize to others and if it is sincere people will accept it. I know what I am talking about because I certainly had my fair share of ungentlemanly failures.

My personal daily, gentlemanly struggle occurs with emails, article comments, and YouTube comments. I started the Gentleman’s Gazette because I wanted to share my passion for classic style to help men dress better through better information. At first, I eagerly replied to every email, comment or request personally like a gentleman would. Over time, more and more people found the way to our site, and it is no longer possible to reply to every comment and email personally. Of course, sometimes they are upset with us if we do not spend the time on them they think a gentleman would. In those cases, it feels very difficult not to reply because I want to, but without that discipline, it’s impossible to keep the Gentleman’s Gazette producing the articles, videos, products and emails that everyone enjoys. That aside, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt that they would understand if they knew.

What are your challenges of gentlemanly behavior in everyday life? Please share with us in the comments.

Posted January 6, 2017 in Clothing , Etiquette , Gentlemen of Style , Our Best Articles

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Definition of a Gentleman

John Henry Newman's Essay Is a Prime Example of Character Writing

• An Introduction to Punctuation
• Ph.D., Rhetoric and English, University of Georgia
• M.A., Modern English and American Literature, University of Leicester
• B.A., English, State University of New York

A leader in the Oxford Movement and a cardinal in the Roman Catholic Church, John Henry Newman (1801-1890) was a prolific writer and one of the most talented rhetoricians in 19th-century Britain. He served as the first rector of the Catholic University of Ireland (now University College Dublin) and was beatified by the Catholic Church in September 2010.

In "The Idea of a University," originally delivered as a series of lectures in 1852, Newman provides a compelling definition and defense of a liberal arts education, arguing that the primary purpose of a university is to develop the mind, not dispense information.

From Discourse VIII of that work comes "A Definition of a Gentleman," a superb example of character writing . Note Cardinal Newman's reliance on parallel structures in this extended definition -- in particular his use of paired constructions  and tricolons .

'A Definition of a Gentleman'

[I]t is almost a definition of a gentleman to say he is one who never inflicts pain. This description is both refined and, as far as it goes, accurate. He is mainly occupied in merely removing the obstacles which hinder the free and unembarrassed action of those about him, and he concurs with their movements rather than takes the initiative himself.

His benefits may be considered as parallel to what are called comforts or conveniences in arrangements of a personal nature: like an easy chair or a good fire, which do their part in dispelling cold and fatigue, though nature provides both means of rest and animal heat without them.

The true gentleman in like manner carefully avoids whatever may cause a jar or a jolt in the minds of those with whom he is cast;--all clashing of opinion, or collision of feeling, all restraint, or suspicion, or gloom, or resentment; his great concern being to make everyone at their ease and at home.

He has his eyes on all his company; he is tender towards the bashful, gentle towards the distant, and merciful towards the absurd; he can recollect to whom he is speaking; he guards against unseasonable allusions, or topics which may irritate; he is seldom prominent in conversation, and never wearisome.

He makes light of favours while he does them, and seems to be receiving when he is conferring. He never speaks of himself except when compelled, never defends himself by a mere retort, he has no ears for slander or gossip, is scrupulous in imputing motives to those who interfere with him, and interprets everything for the best.

He is never mean or little in his disputes, never takes unfair advantage, never mistakes personalities or sharp sayings for arguments, or insinuates evil which he dare not say out. From a long-sighted prudence, he observes the maxim of the ancient sage, that we should ever conduct ourselves towards our enemy as if he were one day to be our friend.

He has too much good sense to be affronted at insults, he is too well employed to remember injuries, and too indolent to bear malice. He is patient, forbearing, and resigned, on philosophical principles; he submits to pain, because it is inevitable, to bereavement, because it is irreparable, and to death, because it is his destiny.

If he engages in controversy of any kind, his disciplined intellect preserves him from the blundering discourtesy of better, perhaps, but less educated minds; who, like blunt weapons, tear and hack instead of cutting clean, who mistake the point in argument, waste their strength on trifles, misconceive their adversary, and leave the question more involved than they find it.

He may be right or wrong in his opinion, but he is too clear-headed to be unjust; he is as simple as he is forcible, and as brief as he is decisive. Nowhere shall we find greater candour, consideration, indulgence: he throws himself into the minds of his opponents, he accounts for their mistakes.

He knows the weakness of human reason as well as its strength, its province and its limits. If he be an unbeliever, he will be too profound and large-minded to ridicule religion or to act against it; he is too wise to be a dogmatist or fanatic in his infidelity.

He respects piety and devotion; he even supports institutions as venerable, beautiful, or useful, to which he does not assent; he honours the ministers of religion, and it contents him to decline its mysteries without assailing or denouncing them.

He is a friend of religious toleration, and that, not only because his philosophy has taught him to look on all forms of faith with an impartial eye, but also from the gentleness and effeminacy of feeling, which is the attendant on civilization.

Not that he may not hold a religion too, in his own way, even when he is not a Christian. In that case, his religion is one of imagination and sentiment; it is the embodiment of those ideas of the sublime, majestic, and beautiful, without which there can be no large philosophy.

Sometimes he acknowledges the being of God, sometimes he invests an unknown principle or quality with the attributes of perfection. And this deduction of his reason, or creation of his fancy, he makes the occasion of such excellent thoughts, and the starting-point of so varied and systematic a teaching, that he even seems like a disciple of Christianity itself.

From the very accuracy and steadiness of his logical powers, he is able to see what sentiments are consistent in those who hold any religious doctrine at all, and he appears to others to feel and to hold a whole circle of theological truths, which exist in his mind no otherwise than as a number of deductions.

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• Etiquette Advice

The 30 rights and wrongs of being a gentleman

The definitive list of what you should - and shouldn't - be doing.

Words: Jonathan Wells

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This brilliant collection of essays by the prominent English socialist is held together by Professor Laski's consistency in...

READ REVIEW

THE DANGER OF BEING A GENTLEMAN: And Other Essays

by Harold J. Laski ‧ RELEASE DATE: Jan. 26, 1940

This brilliant collection of essays by the prominent English socialist is held together by Professor Laski's consistency in approaching political problems from an historical and functional point of view. He shows first how the ""English Gentleman"" came to be and in so doing immediately clarifies why the ""gentleman"" no longer performs efficiently in government. His analyses of ""the committee system in English local government"", of ""the judicial function"", and of ""nationalism and the future of civilization"" all reveal great lucidity and biting humor. For anyone who pretends to an interest in government, but a warmer welcome from liberals than conservatives.

Pub Date: Jan. 26, 1940

Page Count: -

Publisher: Viking

Review Posted Online: N/A

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 1, 1940

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Men In America

How to be a 21st century 'gentleman'.

Shereen Marisol Meraji

Back in 1967 the rules for dating were fairly clear-cut whether you agreed with them or not. Check out this U.S. Navy instructional video, How to Succeed with Brunettes. (What is UP with that title, anyway?)

This is how dating used to look, back in the day.

The suggestions: Be on time, make it easy for her to slip her coat on and off, pull out her chair, stand when she enters a room, sit after she sits, and don't you dare forget to open the door. As the narrator in the video says, "Doors afford a continued supply of chances to make an impression on your companion."

Not so much, these days.

"I can open my own door," says college freshman Chiamaka Njoku, 18. "I don't see the point of opening up the door; most of these doors are automatic anyway."

Njoku recently took an etiquette class at Farm Stand restaurant in Los Angeles with 11 other students from the South Central Scholars . All in college or college-bound, they're here brushing up on how to behave during meals with prospective employers. Rachel Isgar, of Please Pass the Manners , is teaching the class.

Chinonso Anokwute was quick to express his frustration.

"It's the opening-the-door thing," he says. "It's like, you're either getting an attitude with me, or I open it and you don't say thank you, and I'm not opening it for no reason, I'm trying to be nice."

Anna Phutisatayakul sits across from Anokwute and says she likes having doors opened for her and chairs pulled out. She goes so far as to say she wouldn't mind if her date offered to carry her purse. But other women in the group disagree. They don't want a man doing any of that, because they can do it for themselves, they say.

Njoku has a different very attitude when it comes to the check.

"If a man wants to pay for the whole meal, I will not stop him," she says.

Chris Polk II says all the different expectations and requests keep things interesting. "You've got to do research in order to be a gentleman with certain people."

Or, you can take a class. There's one coming up in late November in Dallas called "The Power of Being a Gentleman," taught by Deborah King, who founded the Final Touch Finishing School. She says what to do when you approach the door is always a hot topic.

"We actually have to close the conversation down about who should open the door because it can drag out, there's such confusion about it," she says.

King says on a date — unless a woman says otherwise — the gentleman opens the door, offers to pay, suggests good options on the dinner menu, asks his date what she'd like and places her order. She's been getting more requests from young people eager to bring back that kind of old-fashioned civility. "I am so excited; I don't think there's a better time in history to model being a lady and a gentleman," she says.

Steven Petrow — aka Mr. Manners — says the definitions for "lady" and "gentleman" are outdated . He writes the Civilities column for The Washington Post and has a website dedicated to LGBT etiquette.

"In the gay community, you didn't have that tradition to fall back on," Petrow says about how to be a "gentleman" dating a "lady." So, the rules are different. And those same-sex-dating guidelines can help opposite-sex daters make sense of the confusion that accompanies changing gender roles today, he says.

"Everyone listen up: The one who gets to the door first, please open up the door for yourself and the person who's behind you."

And take a cue from same-sex daters on paying, too, Petrow says. If you invite, you pay the bill. If gestures like pulling out chairs and helping with coats are done with the right intentions, he says, there's no harm in trying.

"Respect, kindness and civility," says Petrow. "Guys, ask yourself, 'Does it fit into one of those three?' and if it does, then you're cool."

At the end of that U.S. Navy instructional video, the narrator echoes that advice. "Consideration for others, kindness — this is being a gentleman."

So, there are a few things that haven't changed since 1967.

• gender roles

Excellence Pursuit

Elegance vs. Modernity: Unveiling the Characteristics of a True Gentleman

Elegance vs. Modernity: Unveiling the Characteristics of a Gentleman

A gentleman is not merely a term confined to a bygone era; rather, it is a timeless archetype that transcends the boundaries of time and societal evolution. Beyond the confines of societal expectations, a gentleman embodies a set of characteristics that extend far beyond the surface. It is not about the clothes one wears or the titles one holds; it’s about the fundamental qualities that define a person’s character.

Table of Contents

The Enduring Allure of Timeless Manners and Sophistication

In an era where the definition of sophistication can sometimes be distorted by fleeting trends, the charm of timeless manners stands out like a beacon of light. Manners, in their truest form, are not a set of rigid rules but a reflection of genuine respect for others and oneself. Sophistication is not about an elitist demeanor but a graceful bearing that emanates from within.

As we embark on an exploration of the characteristics of a gentleman, we uncover the threads that weave together the fabric of true elegance. Join us on this journey as we unravel the essence of a gentleman and discover the enduring allure of qualities that stand the test of time.

14 Characteristics of a Gentleman

Politeness and respect.

Politeness and respect are cornerstones among the characteristics of a gentleman, epitomizing a demeanor that goes beyond mere social convention. Courteous communication is a key facet, reflecting the gentleman’s commitment to expressing thoughts with consideration and tact. 

Beyond words, the true mark of a gentleman lies in the consistent display of respectful behavior towards all individuals, irrespective of their background or standing. It’s the understanding that every interaction is an opportunity to uplift others and create a positive, harmonious environment. Politeness and respect are not mere gestures; they are ingrained qualities that define every interaction, making the world a more gracious place.

Grooming and Personal Hygiene

Among the defining characteristics of a gentleman, maintaining a well-groomed appearance is paramount. It extends beyond the surface, reflecting a commitment to personal grooming and cleanliness that speaks volumes about one’s self-respect and consideration for others. 

A gentleman understands that the way he presents himself is a reflection of his character, and thus, attention to detail in grooming becomes an integral part of his daily routine. This dedication to personal hygiene not only enhances physical well-being but also contributes to an overall aura of sophistication and self-discipline. A polished exterior is not a vanity but a testament to the respect he has for himself and those around him.

Chivalry and Thoughtfulness

Chivalry and thoughtfulness stand as pillars among the characteristics of a gentleman, embodying actions that transcend mere politeness. A gentleman’s conduct is marked by consistent acts of kindness and consideration, where thoughtfulness isn’t an occasional gesture but a way of life.

Simple yet profound actions like holding doors open or offering a helping hand are not just manners but reflections of genuine care for others’ comfort and well-being. Chivalry isn’t a relic of the past but a living philosophy that shapes interactions and fosters a culture of compassion and grace.

Integrity and honesty

Integrity and honesty form the bedrock of a gentleman’s character, transcending societal expectations and standing as unwavering principles. Upholding moral values is not just a choice but a fundamental aspect of being a true gentleman, where actions align seamlessly with ethical standards. In all situations, a gentleman remains committed to the path of truthfulness, understanding that honesty is not just about words but a reflection of one’s core beliefs. 

Confidence without arrogance

A true gentleman exudes a self-assured demeanor that speaks volumes about confidence without a trace of arrogance. Confidence, in the realm of a gentleman, is a quiet strength that emanates from self-awareness and capability. Unlike arrogance and conceit, which build walls, a gentleman’s confidence invites others in, creating an atmosphere of openness and collaboration. 

The balance between self-assurance and humility is a hallmark characteristic, revealing that true confidence is rooted in authenticity rather than a need for superiority. Confidence is not a display of dominance but a source of inspiration and encouragement for others.

Generosity and Compassion

Generosity and compassion shine as defining characteristics of a gentleman, illuminating a path of selflessness and understanding. A true gentleman exhibits a genuine willingness to help others, extending a hand without expecting anything in return. Beyond mere gestures, he demonstrates empathy and compassion, recognizing and responding to the needs of those around him.

Generosity isn’t measured by material wealth alone but by the richness of the heart and the depth of compassion, creating a ripple effect of kindness that transforms communities and lives.

Cultural and social awareness

Cultural and social awareness are integral characteristics of a gentleman, reflecting a broader perspective that goes beyond individual experiences. A true gentleman possesses a genuine appreciation for diverse cultures, recognizing the richness that diversity brings to the tapestry of human existence. 

Moreover, he exhibits a keen understanding of social nuances and etiquette, navigating various contexts with grace and respect. So therefore cultural and social awareness isn’t a superficial nod to diversity; rather, it’s a commitment to fostering inclusivity and understanding in a world that thrives on interconnectedness.

Adaptability and flexibility

Adaptability and flexibility are inherent characteristics of a gentleman, showcased through the ability to handle diverse situations with grace and composure. In the face of challenges or unexpected turns, a true gentleman remains composed, demonstrating resilience and a willingness to learn. 

Beyond personal resilience, a gentleman embodies flexibility by seamlessly adapting to different environments, recognizing that versatility is a key aspect of navigating the complexities of life. Adaptability is a testament to the ability to thrive in the ever-changing landscapes of both personal and professional spheres.

Educated and well-informed

Being educated and well-informed are essential characteristics of a gentleman, marked by a commitment to continuous learning and unwavering curiosity. A true gentleman sees education as a lifelong journey, consistently seeking knowledge and growth in various aspects of life. 

Staying informed about current events and diverse topics isn’t just a habit for him; it’s a deliberate choice to engage with the world with depth and breadth of understanding. The pursuit of knowledge is therefore an active engagement that enriches both personal and societal perspectives.

Leadership and responsibility

Leadership and responsibility are intrinsic characteristics of a gentleman, defined by the ability to take initiative and lead by example. A true gentleman doesn’t wait for others to act but steps forward, inspiring through actions that reflect the values he upholds. Moreover, assuming responsibility for one’s actions is a hallmark of a gentleman’s character, understanding that accountability is the foundation of trust and respect. 

In the realm of a gentleman, leadership isn’t about titles but about a genuine commitment to guiding others with integrity and a sense of duty.

Humility and open-mindedness

Humility and open-mindedness are indispensable characteristics of a gentleman, grounded in the genuine acknowledgment of both strengths and weaknesses. A true gentleman is secure enough to recognize areas for improvement while celebrating achievements with grace. 

Additionally, open-mindedness is a key trait, allowing a gentleman to embrace new ideas and perspectives without prejudice. Humility and open-mindedness aren’t signs of weakness but pillars of strength, fostering an environment of continuous growth, understanding, and collaboration.

Punctuality

Punctuality is a hallmark characteristic of a gentleman, embodying a profound respect for both his time and that of others. Valuing time as a precious commodity, a true gentleman consistently arrives on time for appointments and commitments. Punctuality isn’t merely a habit; it’s a reflection of the discipline and consideration he extends to those around him. 

Recognizing that time is a valuable resource, punctuality becomes a tangible expression of the gentleman’s commitment to efficiency and courtesy in both personal and professional spheres.

Excellent communication skills

Excellent communication skills are indispensable characteristics of a gentleman, encompassing both effective verbal and written expression. A true gentleman understands the power of words and employs them with precision to convey ideas and sentiments eloquently. Moreover, he embodies active listening, a skill that fosters genuine understanding and connection. 

Thoughtful responses, whether spoken or written, are signatures of a gentleman’s communication style, reflecting not only his intelligence but also his consideration for others. Communication is a nuanced art, enriching relationships and navigating diverse interactions with finesse.

Elegance in dress

Elegance in dress is a distinctive characteristic of a gentleman, marked by the ability to dress appropriately for various occasions. A true gentleman understands the subtle art of attire, effortlessly adapting his wardrobe to complement the setting and purpose. Attention to detail in personal style becomes a signature trait, showcasing not just fashion sense but a commitment to presenting oneself with finesse.

Elegance in dress is more than a superficial concern; it’s a form of self-expression that reflects respect for the occasion and those in attendance.

In exploring the 14 characteristics of a gentleman, we have uncovered a roadmap to a life marked by grace, respect, and timeless values. From the foundational pillars of politeness and respect to the nuances of elegance in dress, each trait contributes to the creation of a well-rounded individual. As we reflect on the qualities discussed, it becomes evident that being a gentleman is not a static state but a continuous journey of personal growth.

Encouraging personal growth is intrinsic to the essence of a gentleman. It’s an invitation to acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses, cultivating a spirit of continuous improvement. The call to embody these traits in everyday life is not a mere suggestion; it’s a commitment to creating a positive impact on ourselves and the world around us. By practicing kindness, embracing diversity, and exhibiting leadership with humility, we contribute to a culture of respect and understanding.

In the tapestry of life, the characteristics of a gentleman weave a story of refinement, compassion, and resilience. Let us carry these qualities forward, not as a set of rules but as a genuine expression of who we are and aspire to be. In doing so, we not only honor the legacy of true gentlemen who came before us but also pave the way for a future marked by dignity, courtesy, and the enduring charm of timeless manners.

The Ultimate Guide to Gentleman’s Etiquette

In a world where manners seem to be less and less seen, it’s more important than ever to uphold the standards of gentlemanly behavior. This guide to gentleman’s etiquette covers everything from basic courtesies to advanced social skills, offering timeless advice for modern men.

Alexander Stoicoff

In today’s fast-paced world, the art of being a true gentleman with impeccable etiquette can sometimes seem like a dying breed. However, for those who value good manners and social grace, we’ve compiled a list of 12 essential etiquette tips to help you become the modern-day gentleman you aspire to be.

Dress Like a Gentleman

Embrace a classic and timeless style by dressing well and wearing suits for appropriate occasions. A well-fitted suit not only makes a good impression but you’ll also look good, exuding confidence and refinement.

Pay attention to the dress code and dress appropriately for each event. Invest in quality gentleman essentials that will stand the test of time.

Work Etiquette

In the workplace, gentlemanly behavior is equally important as it is in social settings. Show respect for your colleagues by arriving punctually, maintaining good posture, and offering a firm handshake when greeting others. Be mindful of personal space and avoid engaging in gossip or office politics.

Always address your coworkers and superiors courteously and professionally, remembering that a little common sense goes a long way in the office environment.

Dating Etiquette

When it comes to dating, a true gentleman knows that treating their date with kindness and consideration is paramount. From opening doors to making eye contact during conversation, these small gestures can significantly impact the success of a first date .

In Western cultures, it’s considered polite to open doors while on a date. Keep the door open to show courtesy and respect; it’s always good etiquette to follow.

In addition, be attentive, ask thoughtful questions, and genuinely listen to your date’s responses. Finally, remember to show appreciation and gratitude by picking up the tab or sending a follow-up message to express your enjoyment of the evening.

Social Etiquette

Grace, tact, and etiquette awareness are key for a modern gentleman navigating social events. Whether at a cigar lounge or a dinner party, interact politely and kindly.

Learn social nuances, such as cigar etiquette , which includes buying from the lounge visited, following its rules, and gently extinguishing your cigar instead of stubbing it forcefully.

By observing these conventions, you respect the venue and fellow patrons, ensuring a pleasant experience for all. Introduce yourself with a warm smile, maintain eye contact, and participate in conversations with genuine interest and active listening.

Physical Expression and Self-Portrayal

As a discerning gentleman, being aware of your body language is important in conveying confidence and poise. Stand tall with good posture, avoid crossing your arms or slouching, and maintain appropriate eye contact during conversations.

Use hand gestures in moderation to emphasize points and ensure your facial expressions align with the tone of your speech. By mastering your physical expression, you’ll effortlessly create a positive and lasting impression on those around you.

Conversation: Polite Dialogue and Active Listening

A key component of gentleman etiquette is mastering the art of conversation. Engage in discussions with genuine curiosity and strive to find common ground with others. Practice active listening by giving the speaker your full attention, asking relevant questions, and providing thoughtful feedback.

Avoid interrupting, monopolizing the conversation, or veering into controversial topics. Remember, a gentleman is respectful and empathetic, creating an inclusive atmosphere that encourages open and enjoyable dialogue.

Basic Table Manners: Mastering Dining Etiquette and Proper Conduct

A gentleman understands the importance of basic table manners when dining with others. Always wait for the host to sit before taking your seat, and follow their lead on when to start eating. Use utensils correctly, keep your elbows off the table, and chew with your mouth closed.

Engage in polite conversation, passing items when requested and avoiding speaking with a full mouth. Should you need to excuse yourself, do so discreetly, and remember to thank your host at the end of the meal.

Gym Etiquette: Creating a Positive Environment for All

Being considerate of others at the gym is an essential aspect of gentleman etiquette. Avoid phone distractions and hogging equipment; allow others to use machines between your sets if the gym is busy. Wipe down equipment after use and return items to their proper place.

Refrain from excessive noise or dropping weights, and respect personal space by maintaining a buffer zone around those using squat racks, benches, or lifting platforms. Lastly, don’t offer unsolicited advice or stare at others, ensuring a comfortable atmosphere for all gym-goers .

Gracious Host and Guest: Making Others Feel Welcome and Comfortable

A gentleman knows the importance of being a gracious host and courteous guest. As a host, create a warm and welcoming environment by greeting your guests personally, offering refreshments, and engaging them in conversation.

Anticipate their needs and ensure they’re comfortable throughout the event. As a guest, arrive punctually, respect the host’s home, and engage with fellow attendees. Show appreciation for the invitation by bringing a small gift. Finally, send a follow-up message or note to express your gratitude for the event.

Compliments: Genuine Praise and Encouragement

Offering genuine compliments is an essential aspect of gentleman etiquette. When praising others, be specific, and sincere, and focus on their qualities or accomplishments.

Avoid flattery or superficial remarks, as they may come across as insincere. Instead, encourage and uplift those around you by acknowledging their efforts, strengths, and achievements, fostering a positive and supportive atmosphere.

Cherishing Personal Space: Respecting Boundaries and Privacy

A gentleman understands the importance of respecting others’ personal space and privacy. Be mindful of physical boundaries by not standing too close or touching someone without permission. In conversations, avoid asking intrusive questions or prying into personal matters.

Respect others’ time and space by not overstaying your welcome or showing up unannounced. You demonstrate consideration and sensitivity toward others’ feelings and needs by cherishing personal space.

The Art of Gratitude: Expressing Appreciation and Thankfulness

Gratitude is a cornerstone of gentleman etiquette, showing others you value and appreciate their kindness, generosity, or assistance. Regularly express thankfulness for the people and experiences in your life, whether through verbal acknowledgments, handwritten notes, or small gestures of appreciation.

By practicing gratitude, you cultivate a positive mindset and strengthen your relationships, leaving a lasting impression as a contemporary gentleman.

Keep on reading: What Should Be in a Gentleman’s Wardrobe: Man Essentials

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Redefining the Hungarian Cigar Scene with Peter Füzi

Casual Wardrobe Essentials for the Best Outfits for Men

Winter Accessories a Man Should Have (The Complete List)

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A Gentleman's Guide to Style and Substance

10 Educated Steps: How to be a Gentleman

Welcome to our comprehensive guide on mastering the art of how to be a gentleman and becoming a true gentleman . In this article, we will explore the essential qualities and behaviors that define a  gentleman , from  chivalry  and  classy behavior  to  gentlemanly qualities .

Being a  gentleman  is more than just having  good manners ; it’s about embodying timeless qualities that set you apart in the  modern world . By understanding the importance of being  well-presented ,  self-aware , and respectful, you can navigate social interactions with ease and make a lasting impression.

Through our step-by-step guide, we will provide you with practical tips and valuable insights on how to cultivate  gentlemanly qualities  and project  confidence  in all areas of your life. Whether you’re looking to enhance your dating life, advance in your career, or improve personal  relationships , mastering the art of charm will undoubtedly unlock your hidden potential.

7. Listening to others By actively listening,  we show that we value the thoughts and opinions of others. 8. Master Social Skills By mastering social skills,  gentlemen can foster friendships, build relationships, and create lasting connections with others.9. Kindness and RespectKindness and respect foster a positive environment, encouraging cooperation and fostering trust among individuals.10. Show ConfidenceStand up for what is right and maintain integrity in all aspects of life

Key Takeaways:

Learn the importance of chivalry and classy behavior in today’s society.

Understand the essential qualities that define a true gentleman .

Develop self-awareness to navigate social situations with ease.

Master the art of dressing like a gentleman .

Build strong social skills and cultivate positive relationships .

Why Being a Gentleman Matters in the Modern World

In today’s world , the importance of gentlemanly behavior and timeless manners cannot be overstated. Being a gentleman goes beyond simply having good manners ; it is about embodying the qualities that define a true gentleman . In a world that is constantly changing, where societal norms may shift, being a gentleman remains a steadfast and respected attribute.

A gentleman is someone who upholds good manners , displays respect for others, and carries themselves with poise and elegance. From holding open doors to offering a firm handshake , these small gestures of courtesy and respect have a powerful impact, making others feel valued and appreciated. In a society that often moves quickly, where digital interactions can overshadow personal connections, being a gentleman reconnects us with the importance of genuine human interaction and connection.

Facial hair and grooming are also aspects that contribute to a gentleman’s image. A well-groomed appearance reflects self-care and attention to detail. It is a visual representation of the respect and effort put into presenting oneself to the world. In today’s world , where appearances play a significant role, being well-groomed communicates confidence and professionalism.

The Importance of Gentlemanly Behavior

Gentlemanly behavior encompasses a set of values that are essential in building strong relationships and creating a positive impact on those around us. Good manners, such as showing respect, being polite, and acting with integrity, are the foundation of gentlemanly behavior . By embodying these qualities, a gentleman fosters a harmonious and respectful environment in their personal and professional interactions.

Furthermore, being a gentleman sets an example for others, especially younger generations, about the significance of treating others with kindness and respect. It creates a ripple effect of positive behavior and encourages others to embrace gentlemanly qualities in their own lives. In a world that can often be divisive and contentious, being a gentleman offers a refreshing perspective and reminds us of the importance of empathy and understanding.

"Being a top gentleman never isn't about being better than anyone else; it's about being better than you used to be." - Anonymous Tweet

Being a gentleman matters in our world because it transcends, trends, and societal changes. It is an enduring symbol of timeless values and good character. By embracing gentlemanly behavior and embodying the qualities of a true gentleman, individuals can make a positive impact in their personal lives, professional endeavors, and the world at large.

The Essentials of Being a Gentleman

To truly embody the qualities of a gentleman, there are several essentials to keep in mind. These essential qualities and behaviors showcase good manners, respect, and a polished demeanor. By incorporating these elements into your daily life, you can cultivate an image of a well-mannered and considerate individual.

Firm Handshake and Eye Contact

A firm handshake and maintaining eye contact are important aspects of being a gentleman. A firm handshake demonstrates confidence and professionalism, while eye contact shows respect and engagement. When greeting someone, be sure to offer a solid handshake and maintain eye contact to establish a positive connection.

Well-Mannered and Clean Language

Being well-mannered and using clean language is another key aspect of being a gentleman. Choose your words carefully and avoid using offensive or inappropriate language. By speaking respectfully and using proper etiquette, you create a positive and comfortable environment for those around you.

Well-Presented

A true gentleman takes pride in being well-presented . Pay attention to your grooming , dress appropriately for different occasions, and maintain a polished appearance. 

Holding Doors Open

Holding doors open for others is a simple yet meaningful gesture of courtesy and respect. By being well-presented and holding doors open , you demonstrate your gentlemanly qualities to those around you.

The Importance of Being Self-Aware

Being self-aware is a crucial aspect of being a gentleman.

It is about understanding our own behavior, emotions, and how we impact others. When engaging in conversation , a true gentleman is able to actively listen , show genuine interest , and ask thoughtful questions.

By doing so, we demonstrate respect for the person we are speaking to and create a meaningful connection.

Being self-aware also allows us to project confidence, as we are aware of how our actions and words are perceived by others. This self-assurance helps us navigate social situations with ease and make a positive impression.

Self-awareness is not just about listening to others but also about recognizing our own strengths and weaknesses.

It is about understanding our values and having the courage to stand up for what is right.

A gentleman knows that being self-aware means being accountable for our actions and taking responsibility for our mistakes. By continuously working on self-improvement and growth, we can become better versions of ourselves and inspire others to do the same.

“One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and others is the gift of genuine presence and active listening. It shows respect, empathy, and a true desire to understand and connect with others.” Tweet

The Art of Listening

Listening is a skill that every gentleman should master. By actively listening, we show that we value the thoughts and opinions of others. It is important to resist the urge to interrupt or dominate conversations, and instead, give others the space to express themselves fully. Engaging in meaningful conversations requires not just hearing the words, but truly understanding the message behind them. This level of attentiveness fosters mutual respect and allows for deeper connections to be formed.

The Power of Genuine Interest

Showcasing genuine interest in others is a hallmark of a true gentleman. By asking thoughtful questions and actively engaging in conversations, we demonstrate that we care about the people we interact with. This genuine curiosity creates an environment where conversations flow naturally and relationships are nurtured. It is through genuine interest that we can forge connections that go beyond surface-level interactions and form lasting friendships.

Being self-aware is not just about ourselves; it is about how we relate to others. By practicing active listening, showing genuine interest, and being respectful in our interactions, we can become true gentlemen who make a positive impact on the world around us. Self-awareness is a journey that requires continuous learning and growth, but the rewards are well worth the effort. Let us strive to be self-aware gentlemen who not only uplift ourselves but also inspire others to do the same.

The Art of Dressing like a Gentleman

Dressing like a gentleman is an art form that requires attention to detail and a sense of style . A well-dressed gentleman understands the importance of dressing appropriately for different occasions and always presents himself in a well-presented manner. Whether it’s a formal event or a casual outing, adhering to the dress code and being well-groomed is essential to making a lasting impression.

When it comes to dressing like a gentleman, style plays a crucial role. A gentleman has a unique sense of fashion and knows how to put together an outfit that reflects his personality and taste. It’s not just about wearing expensive or designer clothing, but rather about choosing garments that fit well and flatter the body. A well-fitted suit, a tailored shirt, and polished shoes can instantly elevate one’s appearance and exude confidence.

Grooming is another important aspect of dressing like a gentleman. Taking care of personal hygiene, maintaining a well-groomed beard or hairstyle, and paying attention to the smallest details, such as clean nails and fresh breath, are all part of presenting oneself as a gentleman. These grooming habits not only showcase self-respect but also demonstrate respect for others by using good hygiene and ensuring a pleasant and polished appearance.

Key Tips for Dressing like a Gentleman

1. Understand the dress code for different occasions.

2. Invest in well-fitted, quality clothing.

3. Pay attention to grooming and personal hygiene.

4. Develop a personal sense of style .

5. Polish shoes and accessories for a complete look.

Dressing like a gentleman is not just about looking good; it’s about feeling confident and comfortable in one’s own skin. When a gentleman looks his best, he radiates confidence, which can positively impact his interactions and relationships. By mastering the art of dressing like a gentleman, individuals can enhance their self-image and make a statement wherever they go.

The Gentleman's Guide to Social Interactions

Building strong social skills is an essential part of being a gentleman. It involves knowing how to engage in polite and meaningful conversations, practicing proper etiquette, and showing respect for others. By mastering social skills , gentlemen can foster friendships, build relationships, and create lasting connections with others.

Etiquette tips play a crucial role in social interactions. They guide gentlemen on how to conduct themselves in various situations. For example, maintaining eye contact shows attentiveness and interest, while using appropriate body language conveys confidence and respect. Active listening, another important skill, demonstrates genuine interest in what others have to say and fosters deeper connections.

Friendship and relationships thrive on respect. Respecting others’ opinions, boundaries, and individuality is key to building meaningful connections. Gentlemen understand that respect is earned through their actions and words. By treating others with kindness , integrity, and respect, they create a positive and welcoming environment for everyone they encounter.

Key PointsBenefits Polite and meaningful conversationsBuilds friendships and relationshipsProper etiquetteShows respect and considerationActive listening and eye contactCreates deeper connectionsRespect for othersFosters a positive and welcoming environment

Mastering the art of social interactions is an ongoing journey. It requires continuous practice and refinement of social skills. By following the gentleman’s guide to social interactions, individuals can navigate social situations with ease, build meaningful relationships, and leave a positive impression on others.

The Importance of Kindness and Respect

Kindness and respect are fundamental qualities that define a true gentleman. As we navigate through life, it is essential to exhibit these qualities in our interactions with others. Holding doors open, offering assistance, and treating women with respect are not only acts of chivalry but also reflections of genuine interest and concern for others’ well-being.

“A gentleman is one who puts more into the world than he takes out.” - George Bernard Shaw Tweet

A gentlemanly behavior extends beyond surface-level gestures. It encompasses a mindset that values empathy, understanding, and compassion. By embracing kindness and respect, we create a positive impact on those around us and contribute to a culture of goodwill.

Acts of Kindness and Respect

In our everyday interactions, there are countless opportunities to practice kindness and respect. Whether it’s a small act of holding the door open for someone or actively listening to a friend in need, each action has the power to make a difference. By consciously incorporating these behaviors into our lives, we not only enhance our own character but also inspire others to do the same.

The Importance of Genuine Interest

Amidst the hustle and bustle of today’s slife, taking the time to show genuine interest in others can have a profound impact. Engaging in meaningful and honest conversations, actively listening, and acknowledging others’ perspectives are ways to cultivate deeper connections and foster mutual respect.

By embodying kindness and respect in our daily interactions, we not only enhance our own lives but also contribute to a more harmonious and compassionate society.

The Role of Confidence in Being a Gentleman

Confidence plays a vital role in being a true gentleman. It is the foundation upon which all other gentlemanly qualities are built. A self-assured man exudes an aura of strength and authority, making a positive impression on those around him.

Being confident enables a gentleman to stand up for what is right and maintain integrity in all aspects of life. Whether it’s defending a colleague in the workplace or advocating for social justice, a gentleman relies on his confidence to assert himself and make a difference.

Moreover, confidence allows a gentleman to navigate social interactions with ease and grace. It empowers him to engage in meaningful conversations, express his thoughts and opinions with clarity, and actively participate in social settings without hesitation. A self-assured gentleman listens attentively, responds thoughtfully, and commands respect through his unwavering confidence.

"Confidence is not about being arrogant or boastful; it is about knowing your own worth and capabilities and projecting them with grace and humility." Tweet

A gentleman’s confidence is not fueled by ego or arrogance. It is rooted in self-awareness and an understanding of one’s own strengths and limitations. By embracing his authentic self, a gentleman exudes confidence in a genuine and approachable manner, which attracts others and creates lasting connections.

In summary, confidence is a fundamental quality for any gentleman. It enables him to navigate life with grace, assert his beliefs and values, and build meaningful connections with others. By developing and nurturing confidence, a gentleman can truly embody the qualities necessary to make a positive impact in the world.

Mastering the art of charm and becoming a gentleman is a lifelong journey. In this guide, we have explored the importance of traditional etiquette and modern manners in shaping gentlemanly qualities. By following these etiquette tips and adopting the gentlemen’s code , individuals can cultivate a reputation of being well-mannered and real gentlemen.

Chivalry and classy behavior play a significant role in being a gentleman. By embracing chivalrous acts such as holding doors open and treating women with respect , gentlemen can create a culture of kindness and admiration. Additionally, displaying classy behavior in all aspects of life, from personal relationships to career interactions, allows gentlemen to make a lasting positive impression.

Remember, being a gentleman is not just about external appearances; it is about embodying values of respect, kindness, and integrity. By continuously striving to be well-mannered and adhering to the principles of traditional etiquette and modern manners , individuals can navigate the complexities of today’s world with grace. Let us embrace the journey of becoming true gentlemen, and together, make a positive impact on those around us.

Why is being a gentleman important in the modern world?

Being a gentleman is more important than ever in today’s world. Good manners and gentlemanly behavior are timeless qualities that never go out of style. They show respect and consideration for others, and help individuals improve their social success and influence in all areas of life, including dating, career, and personal relationships.

What are the essentials of being a gentleman?

The essentials of being a gentleman include qualities and behaviors that demonstrate good manners and respect for others. These include having a solid handshake, making eye contact, using clean language, dressing well, and holding doors open for others. A gentleman is well-mannered and presents themselves in a professional and respectful manner in all situations.

Why is self-awareness important for being a gentleman?

Being self-aware is crucial for being a gentleman. It involves being mindful of one’s own behavior, emotions, and impact on others. A gentleman actively listens to others, engages in meaningful conversations, and shows genuine interest in their thoughts and opinions. Self-awareness allows gentlemen to navigate social situations with ease and make a positive impression.

What is the importance of dressing like a gentleman?

Dressing like a gentleman is important for portraying class and sophistication. It includes wearing well-fitted clothing, paying attention to grooming, and having a sense of style. By putting effort into their attire, gentlemen can make a strong impression and stand out in a crowd.

How can social skills contribute to being a gentleman?

Building strong social skills is integral to being a gentleman. This involves engaging in polite and meaningful conversations, practicing proper etiquette, and showing respect for others. By developing these skills, gentlemen can cultivate positive relationships, build friendships, and create lasting connections.

What role does kindness and respect play in being a gentleman?

Kindness and respect are at the core of being a real gentleman. Treating others with kindness and respect means holding doors open, offering assistance, and treating women with respect and admiration. A perfect gentleman shows genuine interest in others and strives to make those around them feel valued and appreciated.

Why is confidence important for a gentleman?

Confidence is an essential quality for a gentleman. It allows gentlemen to navigate social situations with ease, engage in meaningful conversations, and project an image of strength and authority. By cultivating confidence, men can become true gentlemen and make a positive impact on the world around them that not just women find appealing.

How can I master the art of charm and become a gentleman?

Mastering the art of charm and becoming a perfect gentleman is a lifelong journey. By following the steps outlined in our guide, individuals can develop the necessary skills and qualities to become true gentlemen. From practicing traditional etiquette and modern manners to demonstrating chivalry and classy behavior, a perfect gentleman embodies the values of respect, kindness, and integrity. By adhering to the gentleman’s code and continuously striving to be well-mannered, individuals can navigate the complexities of today’s world with grace and create a positive impact on those around them.

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A lifestyle blog for 20 somethings

The downside of being a gentleman.

• Post author: Savita
• Post published: August 4, 2020
• Post category: Tongue N Cheek / Views
• Post comments: 1 Comment

Good guys are rare. As rare as finding  beef fry  in Gujarat or  vada pav i n Kerala. You get the point. The fact is, all of us women want men who are honest, well-groomed, respectful, funny maybe and above all, worthy of being called a gentleman. But the sad truth is, when they come face-to-face with us, we’re often reluctant to let them into our worlds. Truth is, the gentlemen are not often given their due. In a world that’s increasingly challenged by equal-opportunity flag-bearers, being a gentleman can sometimes be as questionable as being a lady.

Take the other day when I was in conversation with one such gentleman. Inebriated beyond comprehension, he was confounded by whether being a gentleman was a curse or a blessing. He recounted a fairly amusing anecdote about how he drinks rose wine and loves to buy the occasional pink shirt. As also, the monthly pedicure only because he is too lazy to cut his own nails. Of course, all this has made him the butt of a lot of jokes. And surprisingly, the one who were most amused were women! Of course, true to stereotype, I smiled too and ribbed him a lot. But the point remains: Do we secretly snigger at men who go against the grain and wear pink? Drink pink? 

And What About Manners and Chivalry of Men

What about men who pull out chairs or open doors for women? Not always are their gestures met with smiles and ‘thank yous’. A lot of men tell me stories about how women find it irritating, even patronizing. My now-married friend tells me he has spent countless days and nights, wondering what his code of conduct should be when he approaches a date. Once, he recalls, his offer to pay the bill was met with cold disdain. 

The funny thing is, that women go to town asking where the good guys are. But suddenly, when they encounter one, they ignore him completely. Only to heap attention over the rakish ‘bad boy’ type who has “been-there, done-that”. And the good guy who’s asked you out for a simple coffee is left wondering what he did wrong?

Of course, some good guys also face the despair of being at parties where single women will lavish him with praise. “You’re such a good guy ya…you’ll make such a great boyfriend” or “If only you weren’t such a good friend, you’d make an excellent boyfriend”. I always think that such guys must go home and punch themselves in the face, for being nice. Why is that good guys end up being the friend? Never the boyfriend? 

Is it the fact that we women are suckers for power? And experience? And swag? And wit? And we’re quick to judge someone who doesn’t measure up. Of course, we won’t admit it. We’ll always cloak it up in something we conveniently can pass off as ‘I’m just not interested…we don’t share any chemistry”. But if we stop to think and examine within us, we may find an answer that is far more compelling. 

This is not to say that all gentlemen are to be snagged and snogged. This is to say that gentlemen are rare and must be celebrated. Not just by making them buddies, but by giving them an opportunity to date us. To woo us. And be woman enough to appreciate a man. As I said, gentlemen are a rare breed. And nothing can be more endearing than being in the company of one.

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• The Downside of Being a Gentleman - August 4, 2020
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Home — Essay Samples — Philosophy — Virtue Ethics — How to Become a Gentleman

How to Become a Gentleman

• Categories: Virtue Ethics

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Words: 896 |

Published: Jan 25, 2024

Words: 896 | Pages: 2 | 5 min read

Works Cited

• Hsün Tzu, Basic Writings, translated by Burton Watson (New York, New York: Columbia University Press, 1963), pages 15-23

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The Danger of Being a Gentleman (Works of Harold J. Laski): And Other Essays (The Works of Harold J. Laski) 1st Edition

An excellent and entertaining essayist, Laski’s volume deals with the issues of politics and law in Europe and American during the 1920s and 30s. It is unified by the concpetion of democracy as a society of equals sharing in a common good.

• ISBN-10 1138822868
• ISBN-13 978-1138822863
• Edition 1st
• Publication date October 18, 2016
• Language English
• Dimensions 6.14 x 0.56 x 9.21 inches
• Print length 246 pages
• See all details

Product details

• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Routledge; 1st edition (October 18, 2016)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Paperback ‏ : ‎ 246 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1138822868
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1138822863
• Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 16 ounces
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.14 x 0.56 x 9.21 inches

About the author

Harold joseph laski.

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The danger of being a gentleman and other essays

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100 Ways To Be A Gentleman

Published: 19 July 2023 , Last Updated:  6 June 2024

When I saw a friend’s Facebook post the other day about him being upset after he was abused by a woman for offering up his seat by that very said woman, it got me thinking, what exactly does it mean to be a gentleman in the modern age? What really goes into being a man? Consulting my friend Marco or MrVolpato.com, he pointed me to this quote from one of his posts: “Chivalry isn’t putting women on a pedestal or patronising them, and it’s no reflection of them. It’s a reflection of you.”

And I think this perfectly epitomises what being a gentleman is all about – acting so not because society expects it or we should do something, but because you genuinely want to. In my view, there’s nothing wrong with my friend wanting to offer up his seat, as it’s not a reflection on the lady but rather speaks volumes about who he is as a person: a gentleman. Embodying the gentleman lifestyle means following a set of steadfast rules. Practice makes perfect, right?

Table of contents

General faq.

So without further adieu, here are 100 Ways To Be a Gentleman :

1. Be a good listener.

2. Be a loyal friend. Keep your word.

3. Be reliable and on time. Be punctual.

4. Be trustworthy.

5. Never pull your phone during a conversation or at dinner (even if it’s to show someone a photo).

6. Take pride in your appearance. Look sharp fellas.

7. Open the cab door for someone (even if it’s a male friend).

8.Call or message to check your friend got home safely.

9. Make time for what’s important to you.

10. Don’t blame others for your failures but don’t be too hard on yourself.

“Courtesy is as much of a Mark of a gentleman as Courage” – Theodore Roosevelt

11. Fold your washing. No one likes a messy room.

12. Give more than you receive in the bedroom. It’s better if you’re both having fun.

13. Never talk about your salary. It won’t make you feel better if you learn you’re earning more than someone else but it will make you upset when you hear you aren’t. Plus it’s just plain rude to talk about money.

14. Stand when she approaches or leaves the table.

15. Walk on the street side of the curb.

16. Be nice to yourself — stumbles and failures are going to happen. No one’s perfect.

17. Compliment her on more than just her physical appearance.

18. Pull out her chair.

19. Offer your coat when it’s cold.

20. Allow her to order first, but if she isn’t ready, don’t insist.

“I am a great believer in luck. The harder I work, the more of it I seem to have.” – Coleman Cox

21. Send her flowers for no reason.

22. Walk her to her car/taxi/door. Regardless of your motive.

23. Hold the umbrella over her.

24. Treat her to dinner out every so often.

25. Put thought into your dates.

26. Be genuinely intrigued with what she has to say.

27. Pay attention whilst in conversation.

28. Encourage her to pursue her goals

29. Carry her heavy bags.

30. Give a massage to your significant other. You know how good it feels when it’s done to you so return the favour.

“A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.” – Oscar Wilde

31. Have eyes for her and her alone.

32. Respect her space.

33. Always hold the door open the door for someone.

34. Never stop learning. Don’t be a know-it-all.

35. Set your standards and values high.

You’ll also like:  30+ Best Barbers in Sydney: A Complete Guide The Do’s and Don’ts of Fine Dining Etiquette 60+ Best Fashion Quotes For Men to Live By

36. Maintain a Sense of Humor.

37. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Keep your cool .

38. Be willing to share some secrets.

39. Don’t swear. Watch your language.

40. Be genuine.

“You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.” – David Foster Wallace

41. Lead by example… in all aspects of life.

42. Stand up for ladies or those less fortunate on the bus.

43. Stay humble and be gracious.

44. Iron your shirts.

45. Clean your shoes. A man’s shoes says a lot about his personality.

46. Send a hand written thank you note after attending an event.

47. If you can’t make it, let people know. Don’t just not show up.

48. Don’t have an end goal in mind when going on a date.

49. Share your ideas with people.

50. Always extend a firm handshake.

“Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” – Steven Furtick

51. Make breakfast for her.

52. Forgive others. Don’t go holding grudges that’ll eat up inside you.

53. Find a good TV Show you both love.

54. Go for a walk together

55. Never send more than two texts in a row. Be careful with your words and don’t pester people (especially on Tinder).

56. Embrace change.

57. Don’t bitch about other people. If someone is worth respecting, they’re probably already thinking the same thing as you anyways.

58. Want others to succeed, not to fail.

59. Say “please” and “thank you” often.

60. Admit When you’re wrong.

“The most important investment you can make is in yourself.” – Warren Buffet

61. Don’t pick fights you don’t have to.

62. Be comfortable surrounding yourself with good company, or none.

63. Watch how much you drink.

64. Be willing to help others.

65. Maintain eye contact in conversation.

66. Move around confidently and with intention.

67. Respect your elders.

68. Before sending a text (particularly on dating apps), think, what would my mum think if she read this?

69. Guard your reputation with your life.

70. Be chivalrous, not patronizing.

“Education begins the gentleman, but reading, good company and reflection must finish him.”- John Locke

71. Learn, observe and study, but never worship.

72. Attitude is everything. Maintain a positive one.

73. Make reservations for the restaurant.

74. Help a lady with her coat but ask first, “May I?”

75. Mind your table manners.

76. This shouldn’t need to be even said but a gentleman never hits a woman. Ever.

77. Pay attention to the details.

78. Ask for her family’s blessing before proposing.

79. Tell her you care. Every. Single. Day.

80. Embrace your inner Fred Astaire. Have a dance and don’t stand idle.

“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.” – Robert A. Heinlein

81. Keep your hygiene in check.

82. Be a grown-up. Clean up any unsavoury social media profiles from yesteryears.

83. Find your purpose.

84. Be clear about what you want.

85. Don’t be greedy (go see The Big Short).

86. Know the difference between confidence and arrogance.

87. Stay open-minded but firm in your beliefs and morals.

88. Never lie to a woman unless it is to surprise her.

89. Mean what you say, and say what you mean.

90. Try not to judge. We all carry prejudices but make sure you’re aware of them.

“A gentleman is one who puts more into the world than he takes out.”  – George Bernard Shaw

91. Know how to cook… at least one good meal.

92. Always offer to pay.

93. Know when not to say anything.

94. Always offer a drink to your guests and carry their luggage to their rooms.

95. Never kiss and tell.

96. Know when to clap.

97.Know how to tell a good story.

98. Know the exception to a rule.

99. Know how to give a good toast.

100. Be yourself.

Do you agree with the list? What numbers are controversial? Let us know in the comments below.

A few of the most important things when it comes to being a gentleman are being trustworthy, being loyal and being reliable.

To be a gentleman you must be respectful to women. Listen to them, be honest with them, and treat them like a lady.

Contributor

Mr Mark Jessen

Mark Jessen studied English at Brigham Young University, completing a double emphasis in creative writing and professional writing/editing. After graduating, Mark went to work for a small publisher as their book editor. After a brief time as a freelance writer, Mark entered the corporate world as a copywriter. These days, his hours are spent mostly in proofing and editing, though he continues to create content for a wide variety of projects. In 2017, Mark completed UCLA's Creative Writing Certification. A prolific writer, Mark has over 20 years of experience in journalism.

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