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June 29, 2022
Georgetown University School of Medicine: Secondary Application Essay Tips [2022 – 2023] & Podcast Interview
Are you interested in Georgetown University’s School of Medicine? In this blog post, we give our advice on tackling the school’s secondary essays and interview Dr. Ellen Dugan, MD, Senior Associate Dean for Admissions.
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Georgetown University School of Medicine 2022 – 2023 secondary application essay questions
Given the Jesuit influence at Georgetown and its adoption of the Cura Personalis philosophy, I recommend covering your clinical, research and community service experience for Georgetown’s secondary application essay. The school places special emphasis on training physicians to treat medically underserved communities. Highlight your personal connections, volunteer work and leadership roles in medically underserved communities.
Georgetown Medical School short essay question #1
The Georgetown University School of Medicine (GUSOM) strives to ensure that its students become respectful physicians, with cultural humility, who embrace all dimensions of caring for the whole person. With our Jesuit values of Cura Personalis, People for Others, and Community in Diversity, we are steadfast in our commitment to racial justice and to addressing the health inequities exacerbated by the recent pandemic. Please describe how your values, life experiences, and your identity will contribute to these GUSOM priorities. (1,000 characters)
This prompt for Georgetown replaces one that broadly asked to hear that you are compassionate and holistic. How do you embrace the Jesuit values as specified in the prompt (research them) and at the same time advocate for equity and justice for all? (You do not need to profess being Jesuit if that is not your truth, but all applicants would wisely explain their identification with these values and how they came to be instilled in your character.) How does doing so correspond with being humble? How does being humble and righteous for equity define a physician’s character? How did the pandemic reveal stark inequity and racial bias? Explain this. What can others expect from you regarding how you uphold these values as ideals and actions?
Georgetown Medical School short essay question #2
Is there any further information that you would like the Committee on Admissions to be aware of when reviewing your file that you were not able to notate in another section of this or the AMCAS Application? ( 1,000 characters )
This would be the best place to cover any academic difficulties that you have overcome , whether you’ve retaken courses, created an increasing trend in your GPA or retaken the MCAT for a higher score. Focusing on those areas of the application that you have successfully improved can provide compelling evidence of your academic potential and how you will perform in medical school. If this approach is not relevant to your application, you can use this section to update the committee on new publications, activities or awards that may not be on the AMCAS application. Discuss what you have been doing since you started the application process.
Georgetown Medical School long essay question
Why have you chosen to apply to the Georgetown University School of Medicine and how do you think your education at Georgetown will prepare you to become a physician for the future? (3,000 characters)
Since this is such a long essay, it will be helpful to draw upon your previous experiences to demonstrate why your values align with those of Georgetown . Use 1-3 concrete, specific examples to explain how and why you will integrate easily into their study body. The second part of this essay prompt requires that you focus on the future. After researching their curriculum and special programs , you can explain how each of these will enhance your medical education. Make a list and use this as an outline to guide your response. Focus on the most important points last; they may be forgotten if you include them at the beginning of such a long essay. For that reason, it will be important to provide a concise summary of what you’ve covered in the conclusion.
Watch: Cura Personalis Explained
Dr. Ellen Dugan, Georgetown Medical School’s Senior Associate Dean for Admissions, talks about the school’s driving value of Cura Personalis:
View the full interview here .
Applying to Georgetown? Here are some stats:
Georgetown Medical School median MCAT score: 512
Georgetown Medical School median undergrad GPA: 3.69
Georgetown Medical School acceptance rate: 2.4%
U.S. News ranks Georgetown #56 for research and #90 for primary care.
Check out the Med School Selectivity Index for more stats.
Has this blog post helped you feel more confident about approaching your Georgetown application? We hope so. It’s our mission to help smart, talented applicants like you gain acceptance to your target schools. With so much at stake, why not hire a consultant whose expertise and personalized guidance can help you make your dream come true? We have several flexible consulting options— click here to get started today !
Georgetown Medical School application timeline 2022-23
MD Deadlines
MD/PhD Deadlines
Source: Georgetown University School of Medicine website
***Disclaimer: Information is subject to change. Please check with individual programs to verify the essay questions, instructions and deadlines.***
All You Want to Know About Georgetown Medical School’s Admissions [ Admissions Straight Talk Podcast Episode 459]
Interested in a spot in Georgetown University SOM? [Show Summary]
Dr. Ellen Dugan, Georgetown Medical School’s Senior Associate Dean for Admissions and Financial Aid, describes how cura personalis , or care of the whole person, drives the Georgetown experience and curriculum.
Interview with Dr. Ellen Dugan, Georgetown Medical School’s senior associate dean for admissions [Show Notes]
Welcome to the 459th episode of Admissions Straight Talk . Thanks for joining me. Are you ready to apply to your dream medical schools? Are you competitive at your target programs? Accepted’s Med School Admissions Quiz can give you a quick reality check. Just go to accepted.com/medquiz , complete the quiz, and you’ll not only get an assessment but also tips on how to improve your qualifications and your chances of acceptance. Plus, it’s all free.
Our guest today is Dr. Ellen Dugan , Senior Associate Dean for Admissions and Financial Aid at Georgetown University School of Medicine. She is a Hoya through and through. She earned her MD at Georgetown University School of Medicine and then completed her residency training in Emergency Medicine, also at Georgetown. Following four years of service in the National Health Service in rural West Virginia, Dr. Dugan returned to Georgetown and has been on the faculty there since 1990. She served on the Admissions Committee for 10 years prior to becoming the Associate Dean. In addition to her admissions duties, she is an Associate Professor in the Department of Emergency Medicine and formerly served as the Vice-Chair and Interim Academic Chair in the Department of Emergency Medicine at Georgetown.
Can you give us an overview of Georgetown University School of Medicine’s curriculum program for those listeners who aren’t that familiar with it? [2:10]
I’m happy to. That’s our new curriculum, which they basically started revising in 2015-16. Our graduating class of 2021 was the first class to go all the way through, so it’s fairly new. It’s divided up into three phases. The first 18 months of the first and second year, or the foundational phase, are made up of six blocks of core content. They’re organ-system-based modules that integrate basic science disciplines with doctoring training if you will. The doctoring courses are called “cura personalis,” referring to and uniting the development of professional skills that are unique to doctoring, like physical diagnosis, communications, ethics. This runs through all the blocks. There are also intercessions that are one week long that are emphasizing topics critical to physicians in healthcare. An example would be the opioid epidemic. Then they have medical student brand rounds all through the first three years.
The core clinical phase is the third year, which is blocked out into 4-8-week core clerkships. Those would be medicine, surgery, OB-GYN, pediatrics, family medicine, psychiatry, neurology, and three two-week selectives, or electives. Then there’s the advanced clinical phase, which is the fourth year, and that’s made up of 37 weeks. Three of those four-week blocks are required. One is four weeks in emergency medicine, and then the other two are four-week blocks in doing acting internships where they function as interns so that they get the confidence and the skills to hit the ground running for residency. Then the best part of it, they have 24 weeks of electives, so they can basically design their entire fourth-year course other than those first three blocks that they have to do. It really gives them great freedom.
Is the elective block always at the end of the fourth year, or does that vary depending upon the student? [3:59]
It varies. They can do the emergency medicine later on. What they want to do in those first few blocks is when they’re getting ready for residency, they hone those blocks into the specialty they want to go into so that they have letters and clinical experience in that particular field.
What would you like listeners to know about Georgetown that many applicants don’t realize? Or what myths would you like to dispel? [4:22]
The biggest one is that you don’t have to be Catholic to be at Georgetown. We are one of four Jesuit medical schools in the United States and that gives us that distinction. Another thing people don’t realize is that we accept both international and DACA students. We’re not looking for who would fit our school, but we’re looking for applicants that have different backgrounds , different lived experiences that add to the class in their own unique ways. The most important thing for us because we are a Jesuit institution, is that they embody our Jesuit mission of cura personalis , or care for the whole person. We’re not just caring for patients physically, but we are also caring for their emotional, spiritual, social wellbeing. The other big dedication to service is our students work with the underserved and the marginalized populations. It’s a really big part of their education. An interesting fact is that of this first-year class, 70% did not come to us straight out of college. They come from all different experiences. Where the gap year used to be frowned upon, it now seems to be the norm more than the exception. I think there’s a preconceived notion that this school is extremely competitive. Although it’s really difficult, the student body isn’t, it’s more a collaborative environment and culture. The preclinical curriculum is pass/fail and we don’t submit rank lists to residency programs so they’re not ever really being pitted against each other. The hope with the pass/fail is that the students are learning to learn, not to learn to take step one, and with that stressor removed that they will actually retain the information and assimilate it into their knowledge base.
You’ve mentioned cura personalis and the Jesuit mission several times. In a really practical way, how does it show up in the teaching? Is it possible to give an example? [6:09]
There are a few things that we do, but it’s based on the curriculum. Students are required as part of their graduation requirement to do 20 hours of service to the underserved. Most of our students end up doing more than that. We have a Hoya Clinic, which is a student-run clinic that the fourth-years run with attendings who supervise. First, second, third, and fourth-years can all volunteer. It’s a clinic that is for homeless families that are in transitional housing in the Southeast Area of D.C. We also now collaborate with the law students in caring and advocating for patients’ health issues, not just their health issues, but the law students help us with their legal issues, their social issues, all in the spirit of cura personalis and social justice and alleviating healthcare disparities.
Then we have the Jesuit mission and reflection dinners, which are small groups where you do Jesuit readings and reflections, and then the students talk about ways to enhance the Jesuit curriculum and mission in the curriculum. We also have the Racial Justice Committee for Change, which is a dedicated group of student staff and faculty that pursues sustainable change in diversity, equity, and inclusion at the School of Medicine and throughout the Georgetown community, the University Medical Center.
What are you trying to glean from the secondary application that you don’t get from the primary? [7:53]
Well, it’s more specific to us. The primary essay is the “Why Georgetown?” essay. That’s where we’re trying to figure out what interests you about Georgetown, what resonates with you about Georgetown, what is it that you are seeking from Georgetown, and what would you bring to us .
The first short question is asking the applicant how their values, life experiences, and identity contribute to our priorities, which are racial justice, adjusting healthcare inequities, and in this particular question, exacerbated by the recent pandemic, so it’s specific more to the pandemic health inequities.
Then the second short question is a space for somebody to add additional information. People will put in why their MCAT was bad, they were ill that day, or let’s say they got into graduate school after they applied, and they want to tell us what they’re doing now, so there’s a space for that as well. Or issues even that came up during the pandemic that have affected their grades, or their health, whatever it is.
What are some of the more common mistakes that you see applicants make in approaching Georgetown’s secondary? [9:03]
I wouldn’t say “mistakes,” but I think it’s more of a lack of an understanding of who we are and what we stand for. Have they actually read our mission statement? Do they actually know anything about us?
Could you walk the listener through the process that the application goes through once they submit the secondary? [9:34]
It’s a fairly long process, but once it’s complete, it goes to the committee for evaluation for interview. That’s based on a holistic approach, looking at the whole package, meaning not just grades and MCATs, but lived experiences, clinical experience, research, and very importantly is their service, dedication, and their letters of reference, leadership. We also weigh the depth of their application, how they assimilated themselves into the community of their school. What have they done to give back to their community?
We also take into consideration difficulties people have had with COVID, meaning family issues, loved ones being ill, wifi, people that went home and didn’t have a designated quiet space, and so that’s all part of it, too. A lot of the schools went pass/fail across the board and you didn’t have an option to do grades to get grades for your science courses, so we also take that into consideration as well because that was a big thing that students faced, and are still facing, actually.
How should an applicant approach reapplication to medical school, and specifically to Georgetown, if they haven’t gotten an interview invitation, or they’ve already heard that they’re rejected? [11:53]
What we tell applicants or reapplicants, especially, is to go back to our website and take a real good look at it critically in terms of their application in reference to what we’re looking for. They should look at their experiences and see where they might have gaps as to what we’re looking for because not all schools are looking for what we are and we’re not looking for what all other schools are looking for. What we’re also really interested in is what they’re doing with their time in this gap year. We understand many won’t have a job immediately when they apply, but they should give us an update of what they’re doing because the gaps are not helpful to us. There’s a lot of time between now and the fall, or the summer when they start to apply that they can actually find those opportunities to embellish their application.
Are you open to updates in the course of the application cycle? [12:47]
Yes. We actually have a portal in our system that’s called Post-Submission Update. It’s actually listed under the banner of the secondary. There’s a portal there for a post-submission update, so they can update anything, send it all in there as well.
When travel restrictions ease, do you plan to go back to in-person interviews, or keep a mix of in-person and virtual, as we’re doing now? [13:12]
Well, as my colleagues said, “That horse is out of the barn now.” If anything good came out of this pandemic, it’s that this virtual interview provided an opportunity for people that might not have applied to us or have been able to come and interview because it’s so expensive getting hotel rooms and traveling and food and all of those things that I think this is one of the reasons why everybody’s applications were off the charts this past year, or the last cycle.
I think the hybrid version is the way we’re going to need to go. It gave an opportunity, especially for disadvantaged, underrepresented students to be able to interview with us and not feel like they were at a disadvantage because they couldn’t come to the school, so I think in-person is always better, but if that’s the opportunity for them to interview with us and that’s their only option, then I think that’s a great idea. I think we’re probably going to go with a hybrid going forward.
We were actually thinking of doing something in the spring but I don’t think we’re going to be able to do it because visitors are still not really back on campus. We thought we would have small groups come, sort of like a second look day. They’re already accepted applicants, so there’s no advantage to coming or not coming and we’d have a tour of the school and of the student panel, they could talk to students, and do a few more things that is like a second look day, but not virtual. We’re hoping that maybe we might be able to do this later in the spring.
How do you look at candidates who faced mental health issues in the past? [15:20]
As you know, no one is required to disclose any health or mental health issues. If they choose to share that with us, it depends on how they present it and what it is they’re trying to tell us by giving us this information. We have to look at this on a case-by-case basis because it’s very personal and it’s something we take very seriously, but again, it’s on a case-by-case basis.
What about somebody who has an academic infraction, or perhaps a misdemeanor on their record? [16:04]
The misdemeanor is interesting because some states will say a speeding ticket is a misdemeanor so it sounds really terrible if you have a misdemeanor listed on there. It’s in the explanation of what that academic infraction is, what the misdemeanor is, what the felony is. Again, it’s more on a case-by-case basis, how it’s presented , are they remorseful, what did they learn from this, those sorts of things.
How was application volume this cycle compared to the big one in 2021 as well as the 2019-2020 cycle? [17:02]
In 2021, we had 17,881 applications. We were up 24% and applications were up nationally 18%. In this current cycle, we have 15,993 applicants, so we’re down 11%, nationally they’re down 12%. Comparing that to the pre-pandemic to 2019 to 2020, we had 14,464 applications. We’re actually, this current cycle, if you leave at the 2021 cycle, we’re up about 10.5%. Usually, that up or down is about 2-3%, so it’s very interesting to see.
Do you have any idea what’s coming in the next cycle? [18:07]
No, we don’t. I think a lot of it is going to depend on the students and the whole grading thing and the courses that they’re able to take. Their experiences have been discontinued because of it all. It’s still up and down that way, like right now, with Omicron going down. It looks like they may have the opportunity to have those experiences again in person, so it’s going to be different.
We also were warned by the AAMC that we might see people with criminal records because they were in demonstrations or protesting, and they gave us a heads up that we may see this. It’s more of them advocating than anything, but I thought that was an interesting point that they brought up.
What advice would you give to med school applicants wanting to apply to Georgetown this upcoming cycle for 2023 matriculation, or even looking further ahead to 2024 matriculation? [19:08]
You look at these students that went through their first year of medical school, and it was all virtual last year. They brought the first-year students in for anatomy in January. If they wanted to be in there, they had the option of doing it. I’m not sure how you do anatomy and dissections virtually, but they gave them the option, and most of them all came in for it, but that was the first opportunity they had to be together. I think looking forward, hopefully, we will be rid of this plague that we are all going through and that they will be able to all be together from day one.
A lot of people were looking at this happening and saying, “Hmm, I think I might put off applying to medical school for another year, just to make sure that I won’t be sitting in my bathroom all day long and listening to Zoom sessions,” so I think we have to see what’s on the horizon in terms of the pandemic and make choices that way. But I think for the ones that are hellbent on applying this summer, when we open up again in June, you look at these next few months that you have, and look at our criteria, or look at the school’s criteria that you’re going to be looking at and see if there are ways that you could tweak your application, get those experiences in-person, especially clinically.
It’s really important that you actually have some sense of an idea of what you’re getting yourself into. I think shadowing is a huge part . A scribing job in the summer is also wonderful, it’s well thought of as solid clinical experience. It’s great if you could fit something in now that gets those experiences in, not just to check a box, but because this is what you’re interested in. You’re into medicine and this is what you want to learn and inform yourself of. Do you want to be an advocate, a scientist, and a healer, or do you want to just be a scientist? I think there are lots of things that they need to think about before they make that big jump because it’s a long road, it’s a wonderful road, but it’s really difficult.
Is research a nice-to-have when applying to Georgetown, or is it pretty much a must-have? [21:29]
As I said, when we do the holistic review, if somebody has a great application or they have no research or they just have a little bit of research, we take that into consideration. It’s really nice if they have some kind of research. It doesn’t have to be clinically-based or translational. A lot of the science majors do, they work in their biology department, let’s say, and they do even bench work. They know what assays are, how to come up with a project, they work with a PI, so they have experience with it. We like to see that. It’s not a deal-breaker, but we really do like to see that.
How do you feel about virtual shadowing? [22:28]
I think with virtual shadowing, a lot of students are basically in a Zoom session with a physician, and the physician will tell them about their background and what they’ve done, or they’ll walk them through a case. It’s not the same as seeing a physician interact with a patient and seeing those nuances of what kind of questions to ask to find out from the patient what they really want. That’s such a skill that you learn when you see a physician with patients. Virtual shadowing is the next best thing, and for some people, it’s the only thing they have, but you really need to see that dynamic up close and personal.
It’s like in the emergency room, this is the worst day of their life. They’re coming in there, they’re vulnerable, they’re scared, they are out of control, and you have such a little window to make that connection with them to make them know they’re going to be taken care of and well taken care of, so those are the things that you want to see and have an idea of, not that everyone has to shadow in the emergency department, but just that patient-physician interaction is so key.
Are there any questions you would’ve liked me to ask you that I haven’t? [24:02]
I think one that I think I would’ve liked you to ask is what are our support services are like for our students.
I like to say, “Once you are one of ours, you are ours for life, and we’re going to do everything we can to help you thrive to become an excellent physician and to be supported.” This is really difficult, but as I said before, wonderful. It’s so much information coming at you at once and you have to learn how to apply it. It’s a different way of studying. It’s a different way of applying your knowledge. Everybody’s smart when they come in, but then people are just astounded when they start to struggle, or they have a little hiccup and they don’t understand.
It’s really important that they have these support services, not just academically. We have an Office of Student Learning, and they do great things with our students in terms of tutoring sessions together or tutoring sessions alone. They do all kinds of things with their academics. As they say, “If you’re struggling, we will find you. If you don’t find us, we will find you. It’s our job.”
We also have the Office of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, which basically works for the institution to have a culture and an environment of equity and diversity and inclusion and to be there for those students that need that help, too. We have bias training, we have premed pipeline programs, commitment to racial justice, and RJCC.
We also have the CAPS Program, which is the Counseling and Psychiatric Services. We have two psychologists that are designated just to the medical school. Then there are CAPS in other counseling areas that are open for our students.
Then we have advisors. As I say, “They’re advised to death.” We have preclinical advisors. That could be a staff member or physician for the first and second-year students and that person’s there to help them figure out things as they come up and how to navigate things that come up. Then they also are there to help them start figuring out what it is they might want to do for a career. Then, in their second and third year, they have a clinical advisor who is a physician, and that person is there to help them navigate things and help them continue to figure out what they want to do. When the time comes they can help figure out what block streams they want to do in the third year or what sorts of things would be best to do in the summers, those kinds of things. Then the clinical advisor are also there to help the fourth years navigate this dense morass of a match system for residency. It’s really complicated.
Not only do you have a clinical advisor, you’ll also have a specialty advisor. I have one going into neurosurgery, so she has me and she has a neurosurgeon, or one going into ped, so me and a pediatrician. Even if you’re going into emergency medicine, you would have me and another emergency medicine physician, so they get a lot of support during this time, and they help you figure out what letters recommendation you need, what kind of way rotations you might want to do to for a specific spot for residency. They help you figure out your CV, how to write your CV, how to do your personal statement . There’s a lot of support. I think besides the fact that our students are most excellent, I think this is a huge help in terms of them matching the residency. We do really well.
They also have a research advisor to figure out what project they want to do. They have a requirement for graduation to do a research project and it’s called an “independent scholarly project,” so they have to do that somewhere over their four years. There’s a research advisor for that.
Then they have the big sibs, the second-year students who are assigned to a first-year student to be there as a point person to help them. There’s peer-to-peer tutoring, where the upperclassmen tutor the first and second years if they need it. We have an Ombudsman for private issues that come up. Then we have these academic families where groups of 10 from each school are put in these societies, which are made of first, second, third, and fourth-year students, alumni, faculty, staff, and so they do things together in terms of social things that are fun. They do service projects together. They do reflection, they do dinners together. You’re not just part of your class, you’re part of the school as a community, as a group. In my days, you knew your classmates and maybe a couple ahead of you and behind you, and that was it, so this is a really great way that we incorporate everybody into the school so students are part of the whole place.
Where can listeners learn more about Georgetown University School of Medicine? [30:03]
Well, we are all over the place. We are on social media. It’s a great place to actually hear from students too. Some of them do a day in the life of a Georgetown student and they have little videos. Certainly, go to our website, which is som.georgetown.edu , and look for the admissions piece. You could also read about our Racial Justice Committee for Change. It’s front and center on there. We also have information sessions that we have several times a month that you can just join a Zoom link and learn more about us. You’re able to ask questions because we have students on these panels, and we also have our outreach person. There are a lot of opportunities to get more information, and actually get it live,
Related Resources:
- 5 Fatal Flaws to Avoid in Your Med School and Secondary Essays , a free guide
- School-Specific Secondary Application Essay Tips
- Secondary Strategy: Why Do You Want To Go Here?
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4 Great Georgetown Essay Examples
What’s covered:, essay example 1 – special talents, essay example 2 – personal statement, essay example 3 – the meaning of being educated, essay example 4 – extracurricular activity, where to get feedback on your georgetown essays .
Georgetown is a prestigious university located right outside of Washington D.C. that is known for its great public policy and international relations programs. With so many eager applicants wanting to attend this highly-selective school, you need to have strong essays to stand out from the crowd. In this post, we’ll share real essays students have submitted to Georgetown, and share what they did well and how they could be made even better (Names and identifying information have been changed, but all other details are preserved).
Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized.
Read our Georgetown essay breakdown to get a comprehensive overview of this year’s supplemental prompts.
Prompt: Please indicate any special talents or skills you possess. You should write in either paragraph or bulleted-list format. (200-250 words)
Bending down, I pluck a four-leaf clover from a sea of genetically identical Trifolium. After capturing this anomaly on film, I press it, adding it to my collection. Ever since I first discovered four-leaf clovers, I honed my observational skills until I could find them with ease. Now, I am a master of small details and the proud owner of 22 four-leaf clovers.
My memory for special occasions is unrivaled. Within my brain, I categorize and store dates: birthdays, anniversaries, check-ins, etc. I take pride in remembering my friends’ and family’s important days and being there to celebrate or support, listen or laugh, or simply spend time with them. Attentiveness and thoughtfulness are at the foundation of who I am.
When I saw the unicycle under the tree, I was elated yet apprehensive. All-day on Christmas, I practiced riding it: I waggled my arms as I sought my balance, caught myself each time I fell, and continued to stand up to try again. Through perseverance and determination, I eventually found my balance, and five months later, I could easily ride alongside my sister’s scooter through the park.
My party trick is walking on my hands. With a beet-red face and dirty palms, I carefully fall out of my handstand and back into an upright position. I always giggle when I do so, observing the shocked, entertained faces of the people around me. My unusual talent facilitates joy and laughter, and inevitably, connection.
What the Essay Did Well
This essay is successful because of how random it is! When a prompt asks for a special talent or skill, many people might be tempted to write about some extracurricular they excel at or a characteristic they have like leadership or perseverance, but this student chose to share a collection of unrelated fun facts about themselves. We would never know about their collection of four-leaf clovers or how they walk on their hands from the rest of the application. This essay really takes advantage of the prompt to humanize the applicant and share the little details that make them unique.
Another thing this essay does well is combining the suggested structures. The disjointed paragraphs describing a new talent give the effect of a bulleted list, but each skill is contextualized in its own paragraph. They could have just written “ I can ride the unicycle” , but instead we learned about this student’s perseverance through their explanation of riding a unicycle.
Even if they chose to only write about one special talent, this student does a great job of drawing the reader into the moment. We are there, crouching down and looking into the sea of green clovers. We are there, watching them struggle to balance on the unicycle. We are there, hearing them giggle as they dust off their hands and stand rightside up. The inclusion of sensory details like these really brings the reader into the story, making it so much more enjoyable to read.
What Could Be Improved
Since each paragraph is completely unrelated to the others, this essay could benefit from a few transitions to make it clear there’s a jump from one skill to another. If the student wanted to keep the list-like feel, they could start each paragraph with a quick recap and then jump into the rest of the paragraph. For example, the first paragraph would start like “ An eye of four-leaf clovers.” , and then go into the paragraph.
Prompt: As Georgetown is a diverse community, the Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you. (Approximately 1 page, single-spaced)
Faded dye. Loose threads. Peeling rank stripes.
On the surface, my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu belts are a display of my martial arts progression. But in each worn belt there are stories of sweat and tears, triumph and loss, challenges and growth. Like the changing colors of a seasonal rank promotion, I myself have changed, adopting new skills with each belt added to my collection. These scraps of fabric are more than my prized possessions; they’re an album of my life’s most defining moments.
Crisp white and too small, my first belt was worn by a girl who was eager to learn self-defense, but was anxious to try something new. Enraptured, I’d watch higher ranked students grapple, excitedly envisioning myself performing the same graceful Kosoto-gari throws and powerful rear-naked choke holds that I saw on the mats. However, expectations can be a harsh antithesis to reality: any visions of my future martial arts prowess crumbled upon encountering dive roll drills.
Deceived by its simple, somersault-like appearance, I vaulted my crouched body with gusto, only to flop onto my side like an exhausted cat. No problem. I positioned myself for another attempt. The same “floppy-cat” predicament ensued. Again! This time I rolled into my teammate. Frustrated, I began to ask my coach for pointers, but stopped upon realizing I was holding up the drill line. Over and over, each effort yielded the same undesirable results. Shame coursed through my veins as I returned to the back of the line.
Now, when I watched my classmates spar, I looked on with envy; it seemed like they were speeding towards a rank promotion while I was drowning in my own incompetence, marked to forever remain a white belt. This dismal attitude followed me until I met my training partner, Ann. She was a higher-ranked teammate and seasoned athlete, so I was flustered by the thought of her seeing me struggle. But when it came time to practice our dive rolls, I was surprised to see her fumble like me. Unlike me, Ann wasn’t one to struggle on her own: she shot her hand into the air, immediately getting our coach’s attention. With a patient smile, he walked us through the technique, occasionally allowing Ann to stop and check that I understood; within minutes, both of us could perform solid dive rolls. While this moment brought a surge of pride, it also opened my eyes to my biggest shortcoming – lacking the courage to advocate for my needs.
Realizing this problem, I set on the path to correcting my mistakes. Whenever I struggled with a move, I made an effort to consult my coaches and teammates, working to build both my skills and rapport. Forging bonds with my teammates also allowed me to adopt moves from their grappling style, sparking an appreciation for the lessons learned from each training partner. With each week that went by, my progress became more noticeable. Where there were previously gaps in my technique and hesitation in my movements, I could now see my skills improving and my desire to speak up develop. No longer was my white belt crisp and new; it was now faded and grayish, hiding memories of difficult, yet rewarding matches in its stitching.
Ultimately, my biggest mistake was struggling by myself. While jiu jitsu is an individual sport, it’s not an isolated one. Ann, my coaches, and my teammates were more than my competitors; they were my best learning resources and closest supporters.
Since wearing my first belt, I’ve learned to change my despairing attitude to one of openness and determination. Challenges will continue to come my way, whether they come in the form of a jiu jitsu opponent or a grueling exam. Only I can put in the work to achieve my desired outcomes, but I’ve come to see that I don’t have to face my difficulties alone. Now, I look to the future with anticipation for the next obstacle to overcome. Who knows? Perhaps a black belt awaits.
For a prompt that asked to get to know the applicant better, this is an amazing essay. We learn so much about this student from her response. We know one of her main passions is Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, we get to see her biggest weakness stand in the way of her success and then watch as she overcomes that, and we learn about how she approaches challenges both on and off the mat.
How is this essay able to convey so much information while still being interesting to read? The author does an excellent job of placing us in the moment by showing us what is occurring. Right from the beginning, we see a little girl with a brand-new belt eagerly watching tumbles and choke holds. Then, rather than just telling us she struggled with dive rolls, she describes the process in detail and compares her failures to a “floppy-cat”. These depictions help bring the reader into the story and make it so much easier to envision what she went through. She also brings us into her mind, telling us about the shame and envy she felt when she originally struggled and how she now understands the importance of getting help.
Also notice how the essay doesn’t come to an end once she has her “aha” moment and her mindset towards approaching challenges shifts. She takes two paragraphs to bring us down from the climax of the essay and continues to show us how she took time to grow once she started asking for help. We aren’t led to believe she immediately became a jiu jitsu master after her one experience, which is a common mistake students make in their essays. It took months, if not years, for her to get to where she is now, so although her mindset shifted when she was younger, we get to see how her new perspective influenced her after that one example.
One way this essay could be made even greater is by including an internal monologue to show us her emotions. This student already did an excellent job of showing us what happened externally, but when it comes to her feelings and thoughts at the moment, she tells us about them.
Instead of telling us she was frustrated when she kept messing up the dive rolls, she could have written something like this: “With every failed attempt a little voice in my head nagged at me over and over. You’re never going to get it. You’re terrible at this. Stop holding up the line, it’s not going to work. ” These lines convey so much more emotion than just telling us she was frustrated. It helps us understand how she thinks, as well as make it more relatable because everyone knows what it’s like to feel hopeless and annoyed at yourself when you can’t do something correctly.
Incorporating more of her internal monologue would further elevate this essay which already does a good job of showing us what happened.
Peering out at my 7-year-old constituents, I scratch the stick-on beard around my chin and adjust my top hat. “Ten score and three years ago,” I begin, “Abraham Lincoln was born.”
Even as a child, my fascination with politics extended beyond schoolwork. From memorizing the names of politicians to voluntarily delivering presentations on presidents to my second-grade class, I immersed myself in studying government. But education extends beyond mere memorization; it allows people to directly engage with a diverse array of ideas and perspectives to achieve a deeper understanding of the human experience, and more broadly, the world. To be educated is not a singular state of being; rather, education is a continuous, evolving process. Education empowers individuals with the knowledge and the experience to catalyze societal change. The College of Arts & Sciences will marry instruction in political theory with opportunities for community engagement, which, as an aspiring constitutional lawyer, will enable me to break systemic barriers to civic involvement.
At Georgetown, I am eager to major in Government, minoring in Justice and Peace Studies, to investigate the role of governing institutions in providing democratic access for underrepresented populations. Georgetown’s wealth of course offerings will allow me to simultaneously receive formal classroom instruction and wield this knowledge to serve underserved communities. Through courses like JUPS 280 “Gender, Immigration, & Social Justice,” I will deepen my understanding of disparities in democratic participation by exploring the intersectionality of race, gender, and socioeconomic status. Combining my passions for academia and volunteerism, I am also eager to engage in CBL courses like UNXD 130 “Social Action” to further my inquiry into the mechanisms driving successful social movements, on both local and global scales. Georgetown’s intimate classroom environment will expose me to the different perspectives of contemporary political theory and foster critical thought about world issues, including civic disengagement.
Furthermore, pursuing undergraduate research will allow me to continue exploring the limited democratic participation of marginalized communities to understand the mechanisms that inhibit political engagement. Under Professor Nadia Brown, I will concentrate my research on possible legislation to break the barriers to civic engagement for African American women. Through the Royden B. Davis Fellowship, I will apply my research to implement sustainable programs in the D.C. metropolitan area to bridge disparities in voter participation among different racial groups. Georgetown’s array of research opportunities will enable me to connect with a community of diverse-minded changemakers, expanding my exposure to various dimensions of the human condition. Collaborating with my peers through research will not only kindle my insatiable curiosity, but also cultivate an analytical perspective when examining democratic institutions.
Immersing myself in the college’s mission for cura personalis and social justice will allow me to employ my research and study of the theory of social action in the Georgetown community. Through the D.C. Schools project, for example, I will work to combat the language barrier by providing literacy services to elementary school students in D.C. Or, partaking in multidimensional dialogue with the passionate individuals of Educating Residents about Social Equality (ERASE) will enable me to interact with a community of people varied in culture, passion, and thought. I am aware of my limited perspective; engaging with Georgetown’s diverse student body will allow me to grow cognizant of the wide range of lived human experiences.
The College of Arts and Sciences’ dedication to uniting traditional classroom experience with experiential learning will enable me to venture into the world with the tools and mindset to spur democratic reform and cultivate a more accessible democracy for all individuals. As a Hoya, I will employ my global curiosity and inclusive nature to bolster civic engagement for underrepresented populations, both on campus and beyond. Georgetown will be a haven for my pursuits as a student and an activist, embodying engagement with diverse individuals and ideas to generate social reform.
This prompt is very specific. It’s not asking you to “describe a time” or “reflect on an instance.” It is concrete: admissions officers want answers. When they finish your essay, they should be able to say both:
- what it means to you to be educated, and
- how Georgetown will help you become educated.
This student does a great job of answering these questions, and, more specifically, of answering these questions at the right point in their essay . Great points can be difficult to understand if they’re presented in a disorganized way, but this essay’s strong structure ensures the writer’s ideas come across clearly.
First, they provide readers with a goofy image from their childhood, which immediately makes us interested in their story. But they wisely don’t spend too much time on the anecdote, and instead transition to explicitly answering the prompt’s first question:
“To be educated is not a singular state of being; rather, education is a continuous, evolving process. Education empowers individuals with the knowledge and the experience to catalyze societal change.”
The student then dives straight into a discussion of the specific resources at Georgetown that will immerse them in this “continuous, evolving process,” including a minor, courses, a professor, and a variety of extracurriculars.
Seeing as the second half of this prompt is essentially a “Why This College?” prompt, this specificity is crucial, as it shows admissions officers that the student has spent real time thinking about how they would contribute to their school, and they aren’t just applying for superficial reasons related to location or prestige.
What Could Be Improved
Most of the areas of improvement for this essay involve style and flow. For example, the student uses very long sentences throughout this essay. While those sentences are grammatically sound, constantly having to wade through all those words makes for a less enjoyable reading experience.
Relatedly, one of the strange realities of college essays is that, while you spend many hours writing and revising your essays, admissions officers have no choice but to read them extremely quickly, because they have so many to get through. That means you want your points to be as easy to digest as possible, and long sentences force your reader to expend more energy tying various threads together.
For example, take the sentence:
“Combining my passions for academia and volunteerism, I am also eager to engage in CBL courses like UNXD 130 ‘Social Action’ to further my inquiry into the mechanisms driving successful social movements, on both local and global scales.”
This sentence goes from two of the student’s passions, to a course at Georgetown, to one of their academic goals. All this jumping around means two things. First, the points don’t get much individual attention, which means the student’s personality gets a little lost. And second, the student needs to spend extra words tying distinct ideas together. A more productive use of words might look something like:
“Ever since I did my first beach cleanup with my dad in 2010, I have had a passion for volunteerism. That project, and most of the others I’ve been involved in over the years, have been geared towards improving my local community. While rewarding, I feel ready to learn more about how to be an activist on a broader scale, through CBL courses like UNXD 130 ‘Social Action.’”
The same point about length applies to paragraphs, as longer paragraphs can be more difficult to follow, and thus your reader is more likely to get lost. If you keep the focus of each paragraph narrow (e.g., each paragraph is about a different value, a different childhood experience, or a different issue within ‘voting rights’), your reader can move through your ideas more efficiently.
For example, at the point in the essay where the “Combining my passions” sentence appears, the writer is pivoting from talking about their interest in government to their interest in activism. Regardless of whether their original sentence or our revised one is used, the student’s progression of ideas would be easier to follow if there was a paragraph break just before, as each paragraph would then be focused on just one thing.
Finally, to expand on a point made above about the student’s personality getting lost at points, there are numerous places in this essay where the student’s writing feels stilted and brochure-like. Having a strong personal voice in your college essays is crucial, as that’s a big way admissions officers can become familiar with your personality. After all, it is you who they are considering admitting to their school. By reciting facts from the course catalog, you aren’t telling them anything they don’t already know.
If you’re worried your essay might not be personal enough, read each sentence, then ask yourself “Why is this point important to me?” Then, try to incorporate that answer into your writing, if it’s not already there.
For example, in this essay, the student writes the following sentences about voting access:
- “I am eager to major in Government, minoring in Justice and Peace Studies, to investigate the role of governing institutions in providing democratic access for underrepresented populations.”
- “Through courses like JUPS 280 ‘Gender, Immigration, & Social Justice,” I will deepen my understanding of disparities in democratic participation by exploring the intersectionality of race, gender, and socioeconomic status.”
- “Through the Royden B. Davis Fellowship, I will apply my research to implement sustainable programs in the D.C. metropolitan area to bridge disparities in voter participation among different racial groups.”
While they make it clear that voting access is important to them, they do not make it personal. They do not tell us why it is important to them, and thus this student doesn’t distinguish themselves from any other applicant who’s passionate about voting access. To fix this problem, the student could write:
“As a young history buff, I was excited to vote from the second I learned what voting was. I imagined the big booths, volunteers with American flag paraphernalia, and ‘I Voted’ stickers left and right. When I got to the voting center, however, I was greeted by a line down the block of women with crying babies, kids late for school complaining about the wait, and disabled individuals resting on curbs. It was devastating to see our communities struggling so hard for their basic rights. Through educating our generation, I think things will change in the future. I am excited to take courses like JUPS ‘Gender, Immigration, & Social Justice’ so that I can understand how disparities in democratic participation come to be and can be better equipped to address them in the future.”
“The bedrock of sustainable democracy is widespread participation,” my voice echoes throughout the room. “By lowering the age to vote, we ensure the voices of American youth are heard in our government.”
Joining my school’s speech and debate program was a natural extension of my passion for global affairs. Engaging in U.S. Extemporaneous Speaking, I was exposed to the breadth of issues facing humanity, from the immorality of lethal autonomous weapons to the barriers to youth civic engagement. By immersing myself in these global questions, public speaking sustains my unrelenting curiosity about the mutli-dimensional human experience.
Beyond my exposure to these global issues, speech and debate sparked conversation with a passionate group of diverse-minded individuals. From spending hours analyzing each other’s speeches to cheering our teammates on in the adrenaline rush of competition, we bonded over our shared zest for speaking. Heated discussions often emerged: “If young people aren’t mature, why are they allowed to drive or get a job?” one teammate asks; “Yet they would still vote for Kanye for president,” another chimes in. I thrived in our disagreement, paving the way for collaboration and growth.
Over the past four years, I’ve grown up with this team. Sifting through photos, my coach finds one of me at my first competition, dressed in a tiny gray blazer and a maroon button-down. My forehead was plastered with wrinkles, eyes paralyzed with fear. In truth, speech and debate invigorated me unlike anything else. In this environment, my voice is imbued with a mixture of passion, determination, and excitement. Discussing these global issues, public speaking is a platform for my emotions, thoughts, and passions.
Now, as Captain, I watch as ten freshmen note my every hand gesture and vocal inflection. I am eager to witness their eyes twinkle as they speak, eloquently and effortlessly.
This “Extracurricular Essay” has an outstanding structure. It is extremely easy to follow, as each paragraph has a clear, singular focus. First, we learn how speech and debate expanded this student’s awareness of global issues. Then we learn how this activity taught them that disagreement is helpful for growth. Finally, we learn how it helped them come into themself socially. Each paragraph helps the reader gain a deeper understanding of the student, to create a beautiful arc where we are rooting for the student, even though we already know they succeeded.
Additionally, the student uses a conversational yet reflective voice that draws readers in and makes us feel like we’re an old friend of theirs, instead of a total stranger. This connection is achieved through, to give one example, the “heated discussions” about humorous topics they had with their speech and debate teammates.
Another place where we feel close to the writer is in their description of the photo from their first competition. Their honest, open reflection on how they felt in that moment simultaneously shows humility and how far they’ve come since. That balance, which is really the core of strong college essays, is incredibly difficult to strike, and here this student does so masterfully.
Lastly, the student does a flawless job of subtly pointing out their leadership experience in the last paragraph. They don’t appear to be boasting, but rather position themself as caring about the younger students and invested in the future of this club which has meant so much to them, qualities which admissions officers value highly.
This essay is clear, concise, and compelling, and thus doesn’t have much room for improvement. That said, we all get writer’s block sometimes, or struggle to execute an idea in the way we envisioned. So, with any example essay, it can be useful to think about alternative approaches someone could take.
Specifically, if you struggle with structure, you might want to approach this kind of extracurricular essay prompt with a narrow, specific focus in mind, rather than covering awareness of global issues, the development of a particular skill, and your own personal growth in the same essay, as this student does. For example, you might choose to highlight just one of the following things:
- Leadership experience
- Interpersonal connections
- Self-growth
- Academic exploration
It is always better to be more focused than less when writing your college essays. If you are worried that you do not have the finesse to discuss a broad range of ideas in a short amount of space, opt to discuss one idea in a deep and meaningful way.
Do you want feedback on your Georgetown essays? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.
If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!
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