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25 Couples Therapy Worksheets, Questions & Activities

Maggie enthusiastically works with people to foster self-determination and encourages them to grow in a safe therapeutic environment. She has a background in psychology and... Read More

Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

In This Article

If you’re having a high level of conflict in your relationship or want to learn healthy communication strategies to prevent problems from cropping up between you and your partner, couple therapy may be a worthwhile investment. 

If you go to therapy with your spouse or significant other, you will likely be given some couples therapy worksheets to identify strengths and concerns in the relationship. These might help you learn more about each other’s needs. 

These worksheets will supplement the work you do with your therapist. 

What is couples therapy and what is couples counseling?

Before learning about couples therapy activities and worksheets, it is helpful to understand what couples therapy is. People may even use the terms counseling and therapy interchangeably, but there can be differences between the two. 

For example, counseling tends to be shorter-term and less clinical. A couple’s counselor may offer guidance and help couples to find solutions to their problems.

On the other hand, couples therapy sessions are more clinical. A therapist may help you and your partner to evaluate underlying issues, subconscious thoughts, or issues from your past that are creeping into the relationship and causing problems in the present. 

Regardless of whether you choose therapy or counseling, you will likely be asked to complete specific couples therapy worksheets or bonding exercises for couples to help you meet your goals for the relationship. 

What type of therapy is best for married couples?

There are multiple therapeutic techniques available, but there is not one single couple therapy worksheet that is best or that works for everyone. 

A couples therapist can help you and your partner select a program that best fits your preferences and situation.

Maggie Martinez , LCSW, says,

When you are looking for a couples therapist, be upfront about any presenting problems to ensure a good fit.

You might consider some of the techniques below.

1. Psychodynamic couples therapy 

One common couple therapy technique is psychodynamic couples therapy. This therapeutic approach assumes that relationship problems arise from unaddressed childhood problems and subconscious thoughts and motivations. 

For instance, people in a relationship may be reliving issues with their parents in the context of a relationship. If a woman has an unresolved conflict with her father, she may be unknowingly trying to resolve that conflict by projecting it onto her partner.

Psychodynamic therapy also addresses our subconscious beliefs and motivations. We all learn what marriages and relationships should look like by watching our parents. We then carry our expectations into our adult relationships . 

If these relationships look different from what we learned growing up, we may think there is something wrong, when in reality, our partner has different expectations than we do.

Maggie further adds,

Psychodynamic therapists will usually let you know up front this is the therapeutic technique they primarily use.

Fortunately, these differences can be worked out using couples therapy worksheets. 

2. Gottman’s couples counseling

Another one of the common couple therapy techniques is Gottman’s couples counseling. Gottman is a pioneer in marital therapy, and his principles teach couples to change their behaviors to resolve problems and improve their relationship. 

Research has shown that Gottman’s approaches are beneficial for improving intimacy in relationships , and this effect is long-lasting. 

3. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

CBT is a common therapeutic approach, and you can apply it to therapy with couples. This approach states that unpleasant emotions and undesired behaviors result from distorted thinking patterns. 

Couples learn to change their thinking patterns in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) sessions, improving the relationship. 

4. Emotionally-focused couples therapy

Some couples may benefit from working with a counselor who practices emotionally-focused couples therapy. Couples therapy exercises utilized in this approach focus on helping couples to discontinue negative interaction patterns and strengthen their bond. 

Couples also become more skilled in sharing their emotions, showing compassion for each other, and changing how they communicate. Studies of couple therapy techniques have found that emotionally-focused couples therapy improves marital satisfaction. 

Relationship evaluation checklist

A relationship evaluation checklist is one of the relationship activities you might perform before even going to counseling. This checklist allows you to answer “yes” or “no” to a series of questions that evaluate the relationship’s health. 

Areas where you answer “no” may indicate a problem that may need to be addressed in therapy.

Some common questions that may be included on a relationship evaluation checklist are as follows:

• Do you feel comfortable being yourself around your partner?
• If you are upset about something, do you feel safe sharing this with your partner?
• Can you enjoy your hobbies and separate friendships while still maintaining your relationship?
• Does your partner make you feel good about yourself most of the time?
• Are you confident that they will listen if you share your feelings with your partner?
• Is your significant other willing to compromise with you to ensure that both of you are happy?
• Do you feel that your needs are met within your relationship?
• Can you and your partner discuss areas of disagreement without yelling or name-calling? 

25 couple therapy worksheets and activities 

So, what relationship worksheets or activities are used in couples therapy? The ones below are common. 

1. Extended cuddle time

Physical touch can be critical for helping couples to connect. 

A couples therapist may recommend that you and your partner spend extra time cuddling whenever you can fit it into your day. This might mean first thing in the morning or while you’re on the couch watching TV at night. 

Maggie further shares,

We know that cuddling and having physical touch produces oxytocin, the love hormone.

2. Using the miracle question 

With this couple therapy activity, the therapist asks the couple, “If you woke up tomorrow and solved all your problems, what would be different?” This gives the couple an idea of important issues they’d like to work on and what they want to see change. 

3. Weekly meetings

One of the top activities for couples therapy is scheduling a weekly meeting between partners. 

Your therapist may ask you and your spouse or significant other to sit down at a specified time each week and discuss the “state of the union.” 

You will talk about how each of you is feeling, if there is any unfinished business you need to address, and what each of you needs from the other in the coming week. 

4. The five things exercise

During therapy sessions or in daily life, your couples therapist may suggest you engage in the “five things” exercise. When you do this couples therapy worksheet, you’ll tell your partner five things you like about them or five things you’re grateful they’ve done for you lately. 

5. Naikan reflection

The Naikan reflection is one of the top couples therapy worksheets. This worksheet is completed individually and asks you to answer questions such as, “What have I received out of this relationship this week?” 

The point of the Naikan exercise is for you to reflect upon the relationship and develop gratitude for your partner. 

6. The game of truth

Designed to help you and your partner connect and learn more about each other, the game of truth is typically a deck of cards that includes personal questions such as, “What is your biggest fear?” or, “What is your favorite childhood memory?” 

Exploring the answers to certain questions together can strengthen your bond, making this one of the top bonding exercises for couples. 

7. Sharing songs

Bonding over music is a favorite couples therapy activity. 

You might be asked to share your favorite songs with your partner, including what they mean to you, why you like them, and what feelings you have in response to them. This allows you to learn more about each other. 

8. The four horsemen worksheet

The “four horsemen” are concepts from Gottman’s couples therapy. These are four behaviors, including criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness, that Gottman says are damaging to relationships. 

Worksheets for couples may use concepts from the four horsemen. They provide examples of the four horsemen in action and ask you to think about better ways to communicate with your partner .

Learn more about Gottman’s four horsemen here:

9. Relationship journaling

We’ve all probably kept some sort of journal, but the relationship journal is slightly different. 

As you might guess, with relationship journaling, you and your partner will write about your thoughts, feelings, and wishes related to the relationship. You might journal about things going well, what you’d like to see in the future, or perhaps your reactions to a disagreement. 

During therapy sessions, you can share your journals in the presence of your therapist to begin working through issues.

10. Strengths exercises

A marriage counseling worksheet may ask you to think about strengths to remember the good parts of the relationship and build upon what is going well. These worksheets may ask, “What are three strengths your partner would say you bring to the relationship?” 

11. Soul gazing

It may sound silly, but soul gazing can help you to connect with your partner, and it’s one of the recommended bonding activities for couples . 

You must get close to your partner and spend about five minutes maintaining eye contact. Some people prefer to listen to calming music while they do this exercise. 

12. Uninterrupted listening

Your therapist may use this couples therapy exercise during sessions. Each partner will take a turn speaking for three to five minutes, while the other has to listen without interrupting. This allows both of you to feel heard. 

13. Soft startups worksheets

One of the top worksheets for couples communication worksheets is the soft startups’ worksheet. This worksheet is based upon principles from Gottman’s couples counseling. 

Using these worksheets can teach you to communicate more respectfully and lovingly during times of conflict rather than being harsh or confrontational when approaching your partner. 

14. Love map exercise

Another helpful couples therapy activity is the love maps exercise, which also comes from Gottman. 

A “love map” is simply your understanding of your partner’s world and who they are. 

You can complete a love map by answering questions about your partner, such as who their best friend is, what their biggest fear is, and how they most enjoy spending their free time. You can review your answers with your partner to give you an idea of how accurate you were.

15. Goals worksheets

Another one of the couples therapy worksheets that you may use is a goals worksheet. These worksheets allow you and your significant other to set goals together, improving your bond, as you’ll be working toward the same things and creating a shared life.

16. Assertive communication worksheets

Communication worksheets for couples may teach assertive communication skills. 

Learning these skills helps you communicate more clearly with your partner and increases your confidence, so you are not communicating passively or without having your needs met within the relationship.

17. Love LanguageⓇ quizzes

Theoretically, we each have our Love LanguageⓇ , which describes how we like to be loved. Some of us like to receive gifts; others enjoy physical touch, whereas others may prefer quality time together. 

When you and your partner take a Love LanguageⓇ quiz, you’ll be better able to meet each other’s needs because you’ll know how each other prefers to be loved.

18. Boundaries worksheets

Couples therapy activities may teach you how to set boundaries. You and your partner may work through a boundaries worksheet to strengthen your ability to set healthy boundaries. 

Even marriages and long-term romantic relationships require boundaries so that each of you still retains your own identities, interests, and friendships. 

19. Conflict resolution activities

Your couples therapist may give you a worksheet or activity that reveals your typical conflict resolution style. 

If you are engaging in unhealthy conflict management styles, such as name-calling, withdrawing, or deflecting blame, these activities can identify these problems and provide a starting point for intervention. 

20. Conversation starters couples therapy worksheets

Your couples therapist may give you a conversation starters worksheet to take home. This worksheet will give examples of questions you can ask to start a conversation during weekly check-ins. These worksheets may also be used during therapy sessions to spark conversation about potential issues to be addressed. 

Worksheet questions might include topics such as, “Who do we know that can serve as a role model for conflict resolution in relationships?”

21. Rules for fair fighting worksheets

It is not unusual for couples counselors and therapists to give clients worksheets to take home. These worksheets can be used for additional learning, or they can be displayed as reminders. 

One example of a couples therapy worksheet is the fair fighting worksheet. You might hang this in the office or on the refrigerator for reminders of what healthy arguments look like. These worksheets may include advice such as, “Don’t be defensive,” or “No name-calling.” 

22. Learning to turn toward your partner

Relationships are better when we respond to our partner’s requests for affection. 

Couples therapy activities may include demonstrations of what it looks like when your partner tries to connect with you and request affection. 

When you complete these activities in therapy, you’re better prepared to respond positively and turn toward your partner rather than turning away when they ask for affection or connection. 

23. Active listening worksheets

One of the more common communication worksheets for couples is the active listening worksheet. These worksheets teach you how to listen to and hear your partner, which improves your communication. You’ll learn skills such as summarizing your partner’s words and being attentive and supportive when talking.

24. Repair checklists

An important couples therapy activity is learning to de-escalate and manage conflict without damaging the relationship. 

Repair checklists are introduced in couple therapy to teach people healthy ways of managing disagreements. These checklists include appropriate conflict management responses, such as apologizing, negotiating, or acknowledging the other person’s viewpoint. 

25. The “my partner’s qualities worksheet”

A therapist may assign this couples therapy worksheet as homework and ask the two of you to bring back your worksheets to share at the next session. 

This worksheet asks you to list your favorite memories with your significant other, things that attracted you to them at the beginning of the relationship , and reasons you value them. 

Couple therapy questions 

Couples therapy worksheets and activities can be fun and interesting, but remember that during the initial stages of couples therapy , your therapist will need to assess you, your partner, and the relationship to determine your needs and goals before jumping into therapeutic activities. 

Your couples therapist may ask some of the following questions to get to know the two of you:

• How long have the two of you been in a relationship?
• What brought you to couples counseling?
• What other things have you tried to help improve the relationship?
• What do you expect from couples therapy?
• What is the biggest problem in your relationship right now?
• What is going well in the relationship?
• How did the two of you meet and fall in love ? 
• Do you feel loved?
• What do you usually fight about?

Conclusion 

The couple therapy techniques and activities discussed here are just a few available options. If you work with a couples therapist or counselor, they will help you determine the best approach and bonding exercises for couples to meet your specific needs. 

If you’re having conflict with your spouse or significant other and cannot seem to resolve it, or you’d simply like to improve your intimacy and communication, it may be time to reach out to a couples therapist. They can help you begin working toward your goals for the relationship.

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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Boston Couples Therapy

• Adam Goodman

5 Thoughtful Homework Assignments for Couples in Therapy

Write a letter.

The first homework exercise to try is to write a letter about your partner’s best qualities. Write what you love most about them and why they are so special to you. After writing the letter, write the response from their perspective on their best qualities that they notice in themselves and how being with you makes them feel. This exercise will help you to see the best qualities in your partner and allow you to understand more about what they love about themselves.

Identify Things They Do That Makes You Happy

Another exercise is to think of one thing that your partner has done or said recently that made you really happy. Ask yourself if there are patterns in those moments: when do these things tend to happen? What activities seem to lead up to this positive interaction?” Ask your partner if they have noticed the same patterns or if they see things differently. This is also a wonderful way to create more empathy and understanding for one another.

Every day, for at least two weeks (depending on how quickly you catch on), take five minutes and write down three things that went well today or what made your partner happy. This can be as simple as going out for ice cream with friends when it’s not their turn for childcare. The idea is that there should always be more positive than negative in the world; so by taking even just a few moments every day to check in, you can make sure that your partner knows what made them happy and reinforce those positive interactions.

Reflecting on your current or recent feelings is a great way to get more in touch with what you’re feeling and it can help your partner do the same. With your partner, start by trying to reflect on how you are feeling right now, and what things in the current moment bring up those feelings. This is a good time to ask your partner if they are feeling anything similar.

While giving gratitude may sound cliche, it does actually matter; there are studies showing that people who do this have lower levels of depression and anxiety than those who don’t. Being mindful about what is good in our lives leads to us appreciating other aspects as well – even if we might not be feeling so great overall right now.

Create a Memory Book

One fun homework assignment for couples in therapy is to create a book of memories that span over your time together. This means going back through photographs, letters, notes, etc. Anything meaningful! There are no rules other than both partners taking part- provide some context by writing about what happened at the moment these things occurred when possible (this may take more effort from one person).

Use "I Feel" Statements

A fourth homework exercise is to try and have a conversation about your feelings, in which you start with the sentence “I feel…”

For example:

“I feel really sad. I think that’s because my mom ____.”

This specific homework assignment may be too difficult for some couples as it deals with strong emotions, but if this one fits you well then it can be very helpful. It also helps the person who feels more hurt or vulnerable to know their partner cares enough to listen. And, even when they don’t understand what has caused the pain, just saying “I’m here,” validates those raw feelings of anger or sadness.

You could also practice “alternative empathy.” Alternative empathy is a type of empathy that is not just feeling for someone else. It’s more about understanding and being able to see through their perspective with nonjudgmental kindness. This means you help them feel better by trying to understand what has gone on in their life, where they are coming from, and then offering your support.

The hardest part of practicing alternative empathy is the fact that we don’t always know what our partners are going through. We can only imagine, and sometimes it’s hard to do this because if you’re not careful, you might assume things about them based on your own life experience which could be limiting.

The best way I have found to practice empathy is by not expecting anything in return; just being there with a person who may or may not even want your help at the time will benefit them later. This means offering without expectation but understanding where they come from while also honoring their boundaries. It helps us see ourselves as someone else would and how our intentions might make others feel.

Consider Your Senses Together

A final homework assignment for couples in therapy to try is to spend time each day considering the five senses. It’s so easy in our busy lives to just go through life on autopilot and not really be present for anything we’re doing, but this exercise will help you experience the world around you as if it were new again while also creating a space where your partner can share their thoughts without any pressure or expectations.

If you like working on your relationship outside of the therapy office or tele-meeting, try one of these exercises. Let me know how it goes. If you are considering starting couples therapy, get in touch with me today !

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26 Must-Try Couples Therapy Exercises And Activities

Discover the best couples therapy exercises and activities in this article. It is written for therapists and counselors but will also benefit couples who want to improve their relationship with some tools they can even use at home.

The powerful exercises will help to improve communication and listening skills while also helping to develop and (re)build trust.

The exercises include the know-how from different treatment approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy ( CBT ), Positive Psychology, and Mindfulness-based interventions. All these different approaches work wonderfully together and complement each other.

We included exercises for trust-building, deepening the connection, resolving roadblocks, promoting awareness, and improving communication. Some of them can be used during therapy sessions while others work great as homework in couples therapy.

26 Couples Therapy Exercises and Activities

1.) the icebreaker.

Icebreakers can be a great opportunity to te an interesting conversation going and to learn something new about each other. It’s a great exercise for the early stage of any couples therapy or relationship coaching.

Some icebreaker questions are:

• What is a funny story you’ve never told me about?
• What is a childhood or your anecdote you could tell me?
• What did you want to become when you were a child?
• What is an embarrassing moment of your life you’d like to share with me?

Powerful Couples Therapy Exercises For Trust

2.) let’s be honest.

The rules of this exercise are easy. Both partners should answer each other’s questions honestly. This will enhance the connection between each other. You can vary between general and easy to answer questions and end up with philosophical and thought-provoking questions:

• What is your favorite memory of dating me?
• What is your favorite thing that I do for you?
• What’s something you’re glad you’ll never have to do again?
• Which memory comes up when you think about your childhood?
• If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first?
• What is one behavior that you never tolerate?
• If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
• What about me made you fall in love?

3.) Try the Trust Fall

The trust fall is an exercise in which one person stands straight, closes their eyes, and lets him- or herself fall without trying to stop it, relying on the partner to catch them. As the name says it’s a trust-building exercise that needs some courage at first.

4.) Share your favorite songs

Each partner is asked to share three of their favorite songs. They should also try to explain the meaning of the songs. Listen to the songs together.

• What does it remind you about?
• Which feelings come up while listening?
• In which mood are you usually listening to it?

Music is very personal and this exercise is a great way to open up and connect with the partner and also express some vulnerability with each other. Maybe the couple even has „their“ song. In this case, both can describe the feelings and emotions that come up while listening.

5.)  What do you know about me?

Make a small challenge and find out what the couple knows about each other. After answering one question it’s the other partner’s turn. Some example questions:

• What is the one thing that makes me feel alive?
• What makes me smile?
• What scares me?
• How would my dream holiday look like?

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6.)  The favorite book exercise

Ask the couple to swap their favorite books. They should tell each other what they like about this book in particular. How did it influence their life?

Reading the partner’s favorite book can be an opportunity to get a look into the partner’s mind and understand each other better. Discussing the book and the impact it has on one is a great way to deepen the connection of the couple. This is a great homework exercise. Discuss the results together in the next session.

Best Homework For Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling

7.)  the relationship assessment.

The Relationship Assessment is a couples therapy exercise for the early stage. Each partner is asked to answer some basic questions about the relationship. It’s a questionnaire that helps explore the challenges and problems.

It gives you some fundamental background information about the couple. You’ll find out how long the clients know each other, get information about previous relationships or marriages. You’ll also get information about children, the family background, and also stress-factors that may have caused the relationship problem.

This questionnaire should be part of the inventory of any couples therapist or consultant. You can create your own or get the one that’s included here in the couples therapy toolkit.

8.)  Identify Relationship Problems

This is another great exercise for the early stage of any relationship coaching or couples therapy. The exercise allows you to identify specific areas to work on with the couple. It’s a set of questions that each partner should answer individually.

You will find out that each partner might identify different problems in their relationship. It’s a homework assignment before or after the first session.

Note the major problems each partner identifies in this questionnaire and specify with them what needs changing.

Possible areas of relationship problems are: Financial, Child-rearing, Communication, Decision-making, Jobs, Controlling each other…

The full exercise is included here

9.) Identify Relationship Goals

Couples therapy is not only about problems, but also about goals. It’s important to find common goals within a relationship. Something both partners are ready to work for. Keep in mind that a goal should always be SMART.

SMART goal means:

• Specific (Is your goal too generic? Specify it!
• Measurable (How can we measure the outcome?)
• Attainable (Is our goal attainable?)
• Realistic (Is our goal realistic?)
• Time-Bound (We want to achieve our goal until…)

The goals or priorities can be different for everyone. Help your clients create and shape a vision for their ideal relationship. The Toolkit includes a ready-to-use worksheet for your sessions. Ask clients to create their goals separately and then try to find a common goal together in one of the first sessions.

10.) The Problem-Solving Blueprint

After the relationship problems have been identified it’s time to solve them one by one. The first step is to connect the individual problem with real-life situations. This will increase the understanding of the origin and the problem itself. Once this is done it’s time to attack the problem and find strategic ways to solve it.

This exercise prompts the couple to come up with creative solutions. The problem-solving blueprint is best used after the exercise where your clients identified the biggest problems that need solving.

It’s also a great tool that comes in handy whenever new problems come up during the coaching/therapy. Assign the tool to each client individually and discuss their answers together.

Each partner defines the problem, describes it in a real-life situation, and is prompted to come up with a creative solution to that problem. The results can be discussed together with the partner and the therapist. The full exercise is included here .

11.) The Pre-Session Check-In – Prepare for each Couples Therapy Session

This is a vital exercise for any marriage or couples therapy. Each partner should sit down individually the day before a session. They should write down what went well since the last session, which change they saw, and what they want to talk about in the next session. It’s a quick progress report that allows each therapist to make their session preparation a matter of a few minutes.

The clients get prompted to focus on the upcoming session to get the most out of it. CleverMemo allows you to assign these kinds of exercises and questionnaires with two single clicks s an action item. You pick a due date, an optional reminder and clients can fill everything out in the stream they share with their therapist.

12.) Therapy Session Gold Nuggets Exercise

This is the perfect addition to the pre-session check-in exercise. Prompt your clients to write down their key insights of each session and share them with you. This should be done individually.

The notes are super helpful as clients reflect on their session while memory is still fresh. They become aware of what they’ve learned, and you get invaluable insights and feedback about what was most valuable to them. Assign this exercise as an action item within CleverMemo. This allows clients to share their answers right in their private stream. Over time you both have a running record about the entire couple therapy with each partner.

• Possible questions are:
• What did you learn in this session?
• The most valuable insight was…
• What do you want to accomplish until our next session?

The complete exercise is part of the Couples Therapy Toolkit

13.) The Relationship Journal

Keeping a regular relationship journal (daily/weekly) is the perfect exercise to get to know the different perspectives of each partner.

It takes two for a successful relationship. If both parties start journaling about their thoughts, feelings, experiences, mistakes, successes, and wishes, a lot of invaluable insights will be uncovered.

It’s also a great way to call out and keep track of things and habits they don’t like about each other.

The therapist could discuss the journal entries individually with each partner and afterward try to solve and work on them together.

The CleverMemo automation allows you to assign the journal entry as a homework item. Just define how often (e.g. weekly) an entry should be done and the system will send reminders and nudge your clients not to forget their daily or weekly entry.

Rereading past entries is a great way to reflect and uncover recurring patterns, habits, and thoughts. Two journaling templates are included here .

14.) Don’t Overlook Your Qualities And Strengths! – Couples Therapy Exercise

Too often we focus on the bad things and what doesn’t work. This exercise prompts each partner to take a closer look at the strengths. Both their own and their strengths as a couple – as a team Awareness and understanding one’s strengths can be a huge confidence booster.

The couple should make this exercise individually. Sometimes we are sure that we possess certain strengths but our partner may not notice them or take them for granted. It’s also possible that something we consider our strong side (e.g. “I’m a very organized person”) is seen completely different by our partner without us even knowing it (e.g. He/She is a control freak“).

Two great questions to start are:

• Which three big strengths do I think my partner would say I possess?
• What are the strengths we should develop together as a couple?
• The complete exercise is part of the Couples Therapy Toolkit.

15.) The CleverMemo PIT-STOP (R) – Quickly de-escalate any argument with your partner

Even the best couples fight sometimes — that’s just what happens when two people who care about each other spend a lot of time together. But unfortunately, in some cases, arguments can escalate quickly, turning a little disagreement into a big issue.

The CleverMemo PIT-Stop exercise will help your clients to de-escalate any argument or upcoming fight. It’s a simple technique that helps them to step back and become aware of the situation and their feelings. Once the emotions cooled down it’s time to address the topic calmly.

Each time an argument comes up the couple should say some keyword like Pause, Stop, or PIT-Stop and then leave the situation. Each partner takes a seat and writes down their thoughts and feelings. You’ll find the entire exercise including all the questions for clients here .

Effective Couples Therapy Exercises For Communication

Communication and the ability to listen to each other are vital skills for any relationship to be successful. There are several exercises to assess communication issues:

16.) Let’s Improve our Communication

Good communication is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Every relationship has its ups and downs, we all have bad days, but a healthy way of communicating with our partner makes it easier to deal with conflicts and building a stronger relationship.

We cannot read our partner’s mind. That’s why is crucial to tell our significant other how we are feeling, what we want and need and what we are feeling.

Every person has different communication ways and needs of communication. That’s why it’s so important that the couple becomes aware of their current communication patterns. How would they rate their current communication? Are they able to talk about everything with their partner?

This is the first step to improve communication. The whole worksheet is part of the Couples Therapy Toolkit.

17.) The Miracle Question

The miracle question is a great thought experiment in coaching and counseling. The question has its origin in the solution-focused therapy and its name is credited to Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg. The focus is on the future, on the goal the client wants to achieve.

This question helps our couple to become aware of their own dreams and desires and learn about their partner’s dreams and desires. It can be very helpful in understanding what both they and their significant other needs to be happy with the relationship.

Ask them to answer the following miracle question:

Imagine while sleeping tonight a miracle occurred: All your current problems disappeared. What would you notice that would tell you life suddenly gotten better? How would life look like?

Tip: Couples Therapy Questions

The miracle question is just one example that shows how great the impact of the right questions can be in couples therapy. Questions can be a great resource for any couples therapist, and relationship counselor, or coach. We created a collection that will help to identify problematic areas within the relationship.

But even when you’re not a therapist, you can use some of them as an icebreaker exercise to get communication with your spouse going. Check out the list of couples therapy questions for your next session here.

18.) Listening Without Interruption

This famous couples therapy exercise focuses on both verbal and nonverbal communication.

Set a timer for 3 minutes. One partner has the chance to speak about whatever they are thinking or feeling without being interrupted. The other partner is not allowed to say anything but could use nonverbal methods to show empathy and understanding.

After three minutes both can discuss their experience, feelings, and observations. Then it’s time to switch roles so that each partner can improve their listening skills.

19.) Repeat it – Exercise

This is a variation of the „Listening without interruption“ exercise.

One is asked to tell a short story (3-5 minutes) while the partner is just listening. Once the story is over the partner is asked to reflect on what they just heard. It’s great training to enhance listening skills.

Some additional Homework Exercises For Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling

20.) send me a letter.

Both partners are asked to write a letter to each other. In this letter, they can express their frustration, feelings, or desires. For many people, it’s easier to express their emotions and feelings in written form instead of telling it to another person’s face. Each partner is then asked to write a response to their partner’s letter.

Ask your clients to share their letters with you in their CleverMemo stream. You’ll gain invaluable insights that will be useful for the upcoming therapy sessions. Discuss the letters together with them.

21.) Becoming the Best Partner I can be

This exercise will help each partner to find out what they can do to improve their relationship skills and do their part in becoming the best partner they can be.

First, we must recognize our responsibility and not get caught up blaming it all on our partner, even when it appears our partner is the one with the problem.

Let’s take a look at ourselves and what we can do to become the best partner we can be. You’ll find the exercise here.

22.) Get Your Needs Met In Your Relationship

A happy relationship thrives on our understanding of our partner’s needs. Recognizing and communicating our own needs is also very important. If both partners don’t care about or ignore each other’s needs, the relationship will fail sooner or later.

The relationship will only have a future if the mutual and individual needs of both partners are met. Common needs in a relationship are the feeling of security, appreciation, shared experiences of love, tenderness, and affection.

Each partner should ask themselves „What do I need?“ and „What does my partner need?“ and both partners should make it a habit to clearly communicate their needs. It needs some training in the beginning but it can become a routine after some time. The worksheet is part of the Couples Therapy Toolkit.

23.) Explore New Things Together

Prompt the couple to find something new they could learn or try together. This could be a skill, a hobby, or an adventure. It’s ideal if both have never done it before so that they share the experience of trying it the first time together. This could be some sport or going to dance class for example.

24.) Let’s Review Our Life Together

This is a great homework exercise for couples. Prompt them to have a glass of wine or cup of tea and review their life together. They could take a look at their first pictures as a couple and discuss all the things they’ve experienced together throughout their relationship. They can also think of things they still would like to do together. You can discuss the results in the next session.

25.)  The Gratitude List

A great couples therapy exercise is the Gratitude List or even a journal. It helps each partner to restructure how they think about their partner and to become aware of all the small positive details that made them once fall in love with each other.

Ask each partner to write down at least five things they appreciate/are grateful for about their partner. This could be followed by three things they could do to make their partner feel more loved and appreciated in the relationship. If the couple is ready for it you could take this exercise a step further and let them keep a daily gratitude journal over 2-4 weeks.

This will help them to focus on the good in their relationship and become aware of the daily little positive things they notice about their partner. A template for this journal is included here.

26.)  The Weekly Relationship Check-In

This couples therapy exercise is valuable for every relationship. It improves the communication between the partners and allows each of them to have their speak. Ask the couple to schedule 30-60 minutes per week where they talk about their latest experiences, their wishes, what they want and need from each other, and how they could improve their relationship.

There are not a lot of rules. But the listening partner agrees not to interrupt and take things personally. Both should take this time as a chance to talk honestly to each other without the fear of being judged or that the partner might overreact.

Ask your clients to share the experiences and key insights of this exercise in their CleverMemo stream with you.

Wrapping Up Couples Therapy Exercises And Activities

These were 25 must-try couples therapy and counseling exercises you can use with your clients. Practicing communication, trust, and increasing empathy and awareness for each other are undoubtedly helpful for any relationship or marriage.

If you’re looking to support your couples therapy sessions with a professional software tool you can start a free CleverMemo trial here. And if you want to improve your couples therapy with some ready-to-use worksheets and questionnaires this Toolkit is for you: Check it out

Click the image to find out more

Benefits and effects of Couples therapy

Research shows that couples therapy and counseling can significantly improve the relationship’s quality and the partners’ well-being (Snyder et al., 2015).

Over the last ten years, studies have been made on how couples therapy benefits partners . Research shows that 70% of couples treated benefit from therapy. Couples therapy works just as well as individual therapy. Integrative behavioral and emotion-focused therapies for couples are particularly promising.

Examples of when couples therapy or marriage counseling makes sense:

Analyzing communication patterns:.

Couples therapy helps couples to recognize their communication patterns and find constructive ways to interact with each other. This has been confirmed to improve the quality of the relationship.

Understanding roles and dynamics:

Through a systemic perspective, therapists and couples can better understand and change the roles and relationship-specific dynamics in their relationship.

Promote solution-oriented approaches:

Systemic couples therapists help couples use solution-focused approaches to manage conflict and bring about positive change.

Additonal Sources and Resources:

• The premarital communication roots of marital distress and divorce : the first five years of marriage – Markman et al. 2010
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – Gottman, Silver 1999
• Integrative behavioral couple therapy: An acceptance-based, promising new treatment for couple discord. – Jacobson et al. 2000
• Clinical handbook of couple therapy, 5th ed . – Gurman 2015
• Maintenance of Relationship and Individual Functioning Gains Following Online Relationship Programs for Low‐Income Couples – Roddy et al. 2020

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Couples Therapy: Homework Exercises For Communication And Bonding

A common part of couples therapy for many is partaking in exercises outside of sessions, which are often known as “homework” exercises. Below, we’ve compiled some easy and helpful homework exercises that might aid you in your journey to strengthen your relationship, including gratitude lists, relationship check-ins, journaling, and more. These homework exercises can be tailored to specific romantic relationship goals, so feel free to get creative with how you use them. It can also be a good idea to complete these exercises under the guidance of a licensed mental health professional, which you can do in person or online.

Improve communication and strengthen your bond

Couples therapy is not just for couples experiencing challenges; anyone can benefit from improving relationship skills, bettering communication, and strengthening their bond with their partner. Researchers have looked into the impact of communication on relationships and found evidence that the better a couple communicates with each other, the more long-lasting and fulfilling their relationship is likely to be. 

What to expect in couples therapy

Couples therapy can go beyond the therapist’s office. Professional relationship therapists often recommend homework to their clients, such as the exercises included in this list. Relationship counseling is often the most effective when both members of the couple are willing to put in the work, both inside and outside of the therapist’s office. 

When you first attend couples therapy, the therapist will likely get to know you as a couple and then may want to talk to you individually. After determining your goals as a couple and as individuals, the therapist can support you in reaching those goals with evidence-based therapeutic interventions and relationship-building exercises. 

Depending on the therapist’s approach to counseling, they may use a variety of techniques, such as behavioral experiments, cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, psychotherapy, and homework. 

Best couples therapy homework exercises

Below are a few of the best couples therapy homework exercises recommended by couples therapists. You can use these couples therapy homework exercises at home with your partner, but they may be more impactful when combined with talk therapy from a licensed professional. A therapist can guide you through couples therapy exercises with tips for how to get the most out of the experience. 

Letter writing

If you go to couples counseling, you might practice letter writing as a homework assignment. Writing a letter to your partner can have many benefits, such as making it easier to express things that are hard to say out loud. By writing the letter, you may also discover underlying feelings, beliefs, or thoughts that can shift your perspective on a particular issue or subject. 

A great writing prompt for couples therapy that you can try at home is writing a letter to your partner describing all their best qualities and what you love about them. Then, you can have them write the same letter from their perspective, describing what they love about you and your relationship. This couples therapy exercise can help you better understand your partner’s views and recognize their best qualities. 

Gratitude lists

Making gratitude lists can be an ongoing homework exercise for couples to reflect on the positive things in their relationship and better appreciate each other. A gratitude list normally involves writing everything you are grateful for, or, in this case, what you are grateful for in your relationship. This exercise can be all about recognizing what the other person does that makes you happy and showing appreciation for them. 

For two weeks or more, write down a few things that made you happy or went well that day. When you look back on your list of positive moments, it may reveal patterns in the relationship. Talking with your partner about the list and noticing the patterns together can help you determine what is working in your relationship and how you can create joyful memories together. 

Studies show that displaying gratitude can have powerful benefits for mental health and well-being, such as reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression. Giving thanks has been found to make people happier overall, including in their relationships. 

One study on the benefits of gratitude for couples found that mutually expressing gratitude not only tended to make couples feel happier, but also made it easier to express what they wanted to change in their relationships. Positive encouragement from being shown gratitude could also help couples engage in more relationship “maintenance,” such as spending time together, checking in with each other, and being more responsive to each other’s needs. 

Scrapbooking memories

A fun and romantic couples therapy activity to try is making a scrapbook out of your memories together. Instead of a scrapbook, you could create a picture book with handmade drawings, collages, or online cut-outs. This can be an opportunity to assemble a cohesive memory book for you to reflect on your relationship together. 

If you have mementos, like romantic letters from the beginning of the relationship, or sentimental items, such as your first concert tickets together, you can put them in your memory book. You can also print out photos from your favorite memories together. Create the narrative of your love story in your scrapbook, then label the images with context about the memories and how you each feel about them. 

Icebreakers 

When you are first getting started with couples therapy, doing some fun and easy exercises like asking each other “icebreaker” questions may be beneficial. You may be surprised to find that there are things you do not know about your partner, even if you have been in a long-term relationship. These icebreaker questions are generally meant to be light-hearted and get couples comfortable before they delve into more challenging communication exercises. 

• What is your favorite childhood memory?
• Is there a funny story from your past you can share with me? 
• Would you ever want to be famous?
• What is your favorite love song?
• Do you know any random or useless facts?
• What was the first album or CD you purchased?
• If you had to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
• If you were a candy, what kind would you be?
• What is your favorite thing to do when you are home alone?

Relationship journaling

Studies have shown that journaling can be a beneficial therapeutic device for tapping into your inner feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. Journaling together as a couple can be a homework exercise that bonds you closer through shared communication. You may choose to journal weekly or daily. 

For journaling to be most effective in a therapy setting, the couple should be honest with themselves and their partners about their feelings. Recording your feelings, thoughts, experiences, and goals in a journal can help you better understand what is going on in your partner’s inner world. Reflecting on journal entries can make patterns in the relationship more transparent, showing you what is working versus what you may need to adjust. 

The journal can be used to reflect on positive memories together and as a safe way to express frustrations about the relationship or things that you wish were different. The journal entries can also be reviewed with your therapist during couples therapy sessions later on, helping you create a plan for how to best support each other in reaching your relationship goals. 

Relationship check-in

Around once a week, try to set aside 30 minutes to an hour to discuss your relationship and check in with each other about your feelings. You may also want to record your check-ins in your relationship journal or with couples therapy worksheets so you can reflect on them later. There are couples therapy toolkits that you can download for free online, or your therapist may provide resources. 

Checking in with each other can be an important step in maintaining healthy relationships, ensuring that you are both on the same page communication-wise and not letting anything slip through the cracks.

Benefits of online therapy

These homework exercises for building bonds and improving communication may be the most impactful when combined with guidance from a licensed therapist. You can find highly qualified couples therapists online with therapy platforms like BetterHelp. Couples with busy schedules or travel limitations may have an easier time accessing online couples therapy than traditional therapy at an office. 

Effectiveness of online therapy

One 2022 study examined the effectiveness of online and in-person couples therapy and found that internet-based therapeutic interventions could be just as effective as traditional sessions. However, online sessions typically offered the benefit of being more accessible and appealing to couples who may not otherwise attend. The data collected by the researchers in this study showed overwhelmingly positive results for the majority of participants. 

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