book review if i was your girl

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If I Was Your Girl, Book Review and Summary

Review and summary of If I Was Your Girl by author Meredith Russo.

Spoiler Free Review

If I Was Your Girl is a simple YA story about a young girl who moves to a new school and faces all the traditional perils of high school. She needs to make new friends, figure out who she can trust, figure out who she is and who wants to be, and figure out how to date a teenage boy when her dad doesn’t fully approve.

The only difference between Amanda and any of the other girls at her new school is that Amanda was born Andrew. As the author put it in her note at the end of the book, Amanda is just an ordinary girl who happens to have a different medical history. Unfortunately, that is not the view that most people in a small town in the southern US would take if they were to discover her secret.

Amanda knows that in order to stay safe she needs to keep her secret. She wants to just live her life as the girl she’s always felt she’s been. She struggles with whether or not she should ever disclose her history to her new friends and what that means for her identity as a whole, to be a secret many would consider shameful.

The basic plot of this young adult novel is simple and predictable. The entire book I knew exactly what was going to happen and it fell pretty much in line the whole way. But while that is usually a negative this book uses tropes and cliches for a much grander purpose.

Since we can see Amanda as any high school girl in any high school romance coming of age story we can see Amanda as just that, any girl. The book’s largest success is that it makes the protagonist approachable, sympathetic, and likable without ever shying away from the fact that she is trans.

If I Was Your Girl is not going to wow you with an unpredictable story line or ground breaking style but it will give you a trans character to relate to. It’s a wonderful introduction into LGBTQ literature and would be a great place to start for people who may not have many LGBTQ connections in their own lives. For people like the ones in this story, who have never met anyone unlike them, this tale is an easy pill to swallow.

It’s also incredibly optimistic and definitely has the best case scenario ending but I think that works for the purpose of this book. It shows that even the most ignorant or previously prejudiced people can find a tiny shred of compassion. A window just big enough to let some willingness to attempt understanding through.

Russo is never preachy, she never tries to shove new ideals down your throat, and she never directly references any real controversies. She just lays out a solid story about a young girl dealing with a difficult community she doesn’t quite fit in with. It’s engaging and uplifting.

I would definitely recommend this as a place to start with LGBTQ books and just for anyone who likes YA romances. Reading it I realized that I’ve read an appallingly low number of these books myself and should really start seeking out more LGBTQIA etc characters to read about. Exposure goes a long way toward understanding. And even for myself, a bisexual woman who has known several trans individuals personally, I still feel underexposed to their experiences.

This book has literally been sitting on my kindle for years and I’m disappointed that it took me this long to get to it, don’t let the same thing happen to you!

Please support this one and please recommend similar readings to me in the comments!

4/5 girls 👩👩👩👩

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If I Was Your Girl Summary

This book has trigger warnings for suicide, assault, rape, and the general trauma of being a high school kid in America.

If I Was Your Girl starts with our young protagonist, Amanda, moving to a new town to live with her dad and attend a new school. She’s moving because back in her old town she transitioned from being a male named Andrew and the hateful southerners did not take kindly to that.

We find out that after she became Amanda she attempted to commit suicide and after she began transitioning she was beaten up in a public restroom and her divorced parents decided the best thing to do would be for her to start fresh somewhere where no one knew her as Andrew.

I’m sorry, I just have to mention this one thing and it’s a bad joke but I couldn’t get it out of my mind this whole book. Now, when I was a young girl named Amanda other kids would mock me by saying that I was “A man, duh!” implying that I was not a girl but a boy. Did the author name her trans hero Amanda knowing this? It seems… on the nose… regardless, the way kids tease you just kind of sticks around forever doesn’t it?

Anyway, Amanda moves to her new school and is immediately welcomed by a group of girl friends as well as ogled by the hormonal boys. Amanda has the blessing of having transitioned before puberty fully took hold so she is quite feminine in every traditional sense of the word.

The author addresses this early transition in her notes at the end of the book. It was something that bothered me throughout, that she was given hormones so young, but Russo wanted to play with the legality and likelihood of that in order to make Amanda as passably female as possible. Taking these liberties feels reasonable to me in order to make her an inoffensive relatable character to any and all readers.

Shortly after arriving at her new school a boy named Grant approaches her on behalf of a boy named Parker who has a crush on her. She declines any advance knowing that it would only cause trouble and that her dad would strongly disapprove. The problem is that now she can’t stop thinking about Grant and his crooked smile.

Amanda gets invited to a party, there she meets up with Grant and they immediately hit it off. They break away from the party where he confesses that he former best friend had committed suicide. They go swimming in their underwear and kiss briefly. When Amanda gets home her drunk father confesses he loves her. The first time he’s said it maybe ever. It’s a moment as touching as it is troubling.

The next morning Amanda’s new friend Anna calls her and begs her to attend church with her family. Everybody in this town is religious to some degree but Anna’s family is the typical shove it down your throat old testament kind of religious that the southern and midwestern US is proud of and the rest of the US is ashamed of being associated with.

Basically, her family shows up with a van complete with bumper stickers stating their strong anti-homosexuality stance and Amanda rightfully feels uncomfortable.

She decides to just lay low and try to keep her secrets away from Anna but doesn’t want to cause waves with the rest of the friend group. She’s met some more progressive people at the school that she can feel more comfortable with. For instance, Bee, the girl who she hangs out with last period of the day.

While Amanda navigates all of these relationships her one with Grant grows stronger. They are now officially dating! But Amanda has some pretty big issues with self confidence and is concerned that he might be gay and only likes the boyish things about her left over from being raised as Andrew.

Pushing aside her concerns she has Grant over to her dad’s house while he’s gone but of course he comes home early and catches them. They weren’t fooling around or anything unseemly but her dad takes it hard enough to start drinking after he kicks him out.

Her dad confesses his very justified fear that if these Christians or southern teenage boys find out that she is trans they will kill her. He just wants her to stay safe long enough to graduate high school and move somewhere more accepting. I’m with him on this one. She is in danger. You can complain all you want about how that isn’t right and shouldn’t be, and you’d be right, but it’s still a very real fear today. Unfortunately, it hasn’t even gotten better since the book was originally published in 2016.

Grant wants to open up to Amanda and let her into his life so he brings her home to his small trailer that houses himself, his mom, and his sisters. Grant has to work a job after school to provide for them and Amanda sees him as a hard working, loyal, loving, family man and starts to really fall for him.

If I Was Your Girl does a good job of utilizing stereotypes. We know that this family is not going to be so welcoming to a trans girl if they were to find out about her past. And we’re proven right at the end. I knew what to expect from people in this book because the author set it up that way. She uses stereotypes to her advantage instead of falling into them as a trap.

Amanda and Grant then go to a Halloween party where their Star Wars themed costumes both have masks that cover their faces. Their conversation prompts them to switch costumes and walk in the shoes of the opposite gender for a minute. Grant gets hit on and Amanda finds out that Grant’s friends participate in some “locker room talk” about her and whether or not Grant is going to get laid.

This unusual scenario does bring them even closer and they’re well on the path to love city.

Amanda is also starting to feel more comfortable with her friend Bee who has admitted that she is bisexual . This allows Amanda to feel less guarded and she confesses that she is trans. Bee takes it quite well and promises not to tell anyone. Of course this will come back.

She is really still unsure of whether or not she should tell Grant about her history, especially since they’ve had a few moments of kissing leading toward sex. She writes everything down in a letter and gives it to Grant explaining that it’s all her secrets. He burns it without reading it and promises to love her no matter what.

At school Grant asks Amanda to the homecoming dance in a very elaborate and public way. She of course says yes. Then she has an awkward encounter with Parker, the boy from the beginning of the book that liked Amanda initially and is the reason that Grant went to talk with her in the first place. He asks her why she didn’t go for him instead. She doesn’t have a satisfactory answer. Sometimes you just don’t feel it, right?

The homecoming dance is where everything gets lifted to the peak and then comes crashing down. Amanda steps out to find Bee in the bathroom. A very drunk Bee tells Amanda that she has a crush on her and they should be together instead of her and Grant. Amanda turns her down and is rushed out to be crowned homecoming queen alongside her king Grant.

As she is getting the crown placed on her head Bee storms the stage to air out everybody’s dirty laundry. She tells everyone about who’s had an abortion, who’s secretly gay, and most importantly that Amanda was born male.

Grant is understandably shocked and confused. Amanda flees before he can say anything concrete but the gist is that their relationship is over. As she’s attempting to walk home Parker pulls up next to her on the side of the road. Smartly, she declines to get in his car but he chases her into the woods.

He attempts to rape her. She is rescued by her pack of girl friends, one of whom has a gun. (‘Merica!) They take her home and her very worried dad, who has by now already heard the small town news that her secret is out, sees her dirty and injured and rushes out to kill the boyfriend.

Amanda races to her friend’s car so they can save Grant. Dad shows up at Grant’s trailer and punches him in the face before Amanda can say it wasn’t him. Grant’s mom threatens them with a gun and tells them to leave immediately.

On the drive home Dad is hysterical and demands that Amanda leave town, he can’t protect her if she doesn’t want to protect herself.

She moves back to her Mom’s house and has no idea what she’ll do next. It’s Thanksgiving and Dad shows up for dinner. Amanda offers to go for a walk to talk things out and they go to the park and play catch just like her dad always wanted from her when she was younger and he wanted her to be the typical son.

This scene is incredibly sweet. A perfect way to close the father/son relationship and leave room for a father/daughter one instead.

They decide that if she thinks she can brave it she can move back and keep going to school where she’s been outed. When she arrives at the school again her girl friends welcome her. Even hyper religious Anna is willing to “hate the sin, forgive the sinner.”

She meets up with Grant and the book closes with him sitting down to hear her story and give her a chance.

Admittedly, this is a highly optimistic outcome for this story. It really is the best case scenario but I liked that it was so positive. It is nice to have hope instead of pessimism sometimes.

The entirety of the book was predictable and the plot was formulaic. But this works to give the reader a trans character that they can be comfortable with. This is the perfect book for introducing trans characters to someone who may have zero experience with them in fiction or reality. It also makes sense for the intended young adult readers who are less familiar with these tropes anyway.

In that sense it is a very important book. It may not be revolutionary in its style or story but it is necessary. A good bridge for people who are taking that first small step outside of their comfort zone.

If I Was Your Girl should be recommended to anybody and everybody who needs an introduction into LGBTQ literature and is a good read for anybody who just likes YA romance stories.

Please tell your families about this one and then give me some recommendations for what intermediate LGBTQ literature would be!

There isn’t any, it’s a YA book, why is this a question that comes up? Perverts.

Yes, it’s about the best ending that the novel could have hoped for. It’s a very optimistic and feel good ending to a book that easily could have instead ended in tragedy.

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Book Review: If I Was Your Girl

Earlier this year, I read If I Was Your Girl, and it is one of the most timely books I have ever encountered. Meredith Russo’s tale of a young girl moving to a new town is so much more than your standard teen romance.

Amanda just moved to Lambertville, a small Tennessee town where the big events are high school football games and church socials. She’s nervous about getting a fresh start for her senior year of high school, but she quickly makes a handful of friends. However, she’s hiding two big secrets. One, she attempted suicide while she was at her old school. Two, Amanda is transgender. Amanda is not expecting to fall in love, but encountering Grant, a young man with secrets of his own, leaves them both struggling to be honest with each other.

Amanda’s parents are separated, and she moves from a larger city where she lived with her mother to a small town where her father is still coming to terms with his daughter’s identity. If I Was Your Girl tells Amanda’s story almost flawlessly, interweaving flashbacks to her old life and helping the reader understand Amanda’s reasons for transitioning and her acceptance in her new home. Meredith Russo blends some of her own life experiences into Amanda. As readers, we’re shown an incredibly deep look. We see the psychological effects, glimpses into the recovery from the surgical procedures, and her experiences with a local support group prior to the move.

As has been mentioned in many reviews of this book, If I Was Your Girl covers a fairly easy take on transition. Amanda knows from a young age who she is, and has no trouble covering the costs of hormone therapy and various surgeries while she is still young. It’s an idealized version of transition, and it is important to note that this is currently quite rare in reality (I personally was waiting for tragedy to strike throughout my read, because everything seemed to be going too well). This is also noted by the author. “I’m worried that you might take Amanda’s story as gospel, especially since it comes from a trans woman. This prospect terrifies me, actually! I am a storyteller, not an educator. I have taken liberties with what I know reality to be.” However, this does not diminish the importance of a book by a transgender author, starring a transgender character, and featuring a transgender model on the cover in a year when transphobia is at a terrifying high.

All in all, I loved this book. I can’t recommend it highly enough. Is it perfect? No. But it’s a much-needed beacon of hope in what has been a very dark year for LGBT+ folks around the country.

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If I Was Your Girl Kindle Edition

Amanda Hardy is the new girl at school. Like everyone else, all she wants is to make friends and fit in. But Amanda is holding back. Even from Grant, the guy she's falling in love with. Amanda has a secret. At her old school, she used to be called Andrew. And secrets always have a way of getting out... A book about loving yourself and being loved for who you really are.

• Print length 288 pages
• Language English
• Sticky notes On Kindle Scribe
• Publisher Usborne Publishing
• Publication date June 1, 2016
• Reading age 14 - 17 years
• File size 1740 KB
• Page Flip Enabled
• Word Wise Not Enabled
• Enhanced typesetting Enabled
• See all details

Editorial Reviews

From school library journal.

IndieNext Top 10 Named one of the 50 Books Every Modern Teenager Should Read by Flavorwire One of BookRiot's Most Anticipated Books of the Year "An illuminating debut guided by hope and overwhelming kindness.” — Publishers Weekly , starred review “A necessary, universal story about feeling different and enduring prejudices…full of love, hope, and truth.” — Kirkus , starred review "This is everything a coming-of-age novel should be—honest, complicated, and meaningful. Transcends the typical 'issue' novel to be a beautiful tale in its own right." — School Library Journal , SLJ Popular Pick "Russo, a trans woman, writes with authority and empathy, giving readers not only an intellectual but also an emotional understanding of Amanda and her compelling story. Never didactic, this debut is a valuable contribution to the slender but growing body of literature of trans teens." —ALA Booklist "Poignant and rare. If I Was Your Girl is the type of book you read and want to immediately share, because it's too important to keep to yourself." — Julie Murphy , #1 New York Times bestselling author of Dumplin' "If I Was Your Girl is important and necessary and brave, and deeply, electrically inspiring. Read this wonderful book. Just read it." — Jennifer Niven , New York Times bestselling author of All the Bright Places “Will change minds and open hearts.” — Nina Lacour , critically acclaimed author of Everything Leads to You " If I Was Your Girl is real and raw and layered and wonderful." — Alex Gino , Stonewall Award-winning author of George "If there's any justice in the world, we're all witnessing a YA powerhouse in the making." — Forever YA "Pure magic." —BookRiot

About the Author

Excerpt. © reprinted by permission. all rights reserved., if i was your girl, flatiron books.

The bus smelled of mildew, machine oil, and sweat. As the suburban Atlanta sprawl disappeared behind us, I tapped my foot on the floor and chewed a lock of my newly long hair. A nagging voice reminded me that I was only a half hour from home, that if I got off at the next stop and walked back to Smyrna, by sunset I could be in the comfort of my own bedroom, the familiar smell of Mom's starchy cooking in the air. She would hug me and we would sit down and watch awful reality TV shows together and she would fall asleep halfway through, and then nothing would change.

But something had to change. Because I had changed.

As I stared out at the swiftly moving trees, my mind was in a mall bathroom back in the city, the images shifting and jumbling like a kaleidoscope: A girl from my school, her scream as she recognized me. Her father rushing in, his rough, swift hands on my neck and shoulders. My body hitting the ground.

"You okay?" a voice practically screamed in my ear. I looked up to see a guy wearing earbuds, his chin resting on the back of the seat in front of me. He gave me a lopsided smile as he pulled out the headphones. "Sorry."

"It's fine," I said. He stared at me, drumming his fingers on the headrest. I felt like I should say something, but I didn't trust my voice not to give me away.

"Where you headed?" He draped himself across the back of his seat like a cat, his arms nearly grazing my shins. I wished I could roll up into a tiny, armored ball and hide in my luggage.

"Lambertville," I said quietly. "Up in Hecate County."

"I'm going to Knoxville," he said, before going on to talk about his band, Gnosis Crank. I realized he'd only asked about me as a formality so he could talk about himself, but I didn't mind; it meant I didn't have to say that much. He told me about playing their first paying gig at a bar in Five Points.

"Cool," I said.

"Most of our songs are online if you wanna check them out."

"How'd you get that black eye, by the way?"

"Was it your boyfriend?" he asked.

My cheeks burned. He scratched his chin. He assumed I had a boyfriend. He assumed I was a girl. Under different circumstances, that would have thrilled me.

"I fell down," I said.

His smile turned sad.

"That's what my mom used to tell the neighbors," he said. "She deserved better, and so do you."

"Okay," I said, nodding. Maybe he was right, but what I deserved and what I could expect from life were two different things. "Thank you."

"No problem," he said as he put his headphones back in. He smiled and added, "Nice meeting you," way too loudly before returning to his seat.

As we headed north on I-75 I texted Mom, letting her know I was okay and halfway there. She wrote back that she loved me, though I could feel her worry through the phone. I imagined her in our house all alone, Carrie Underwood playing on loop while the ceiling fans whispered overhead. Her hands covered in flour folded on the table in front of her, too many biscuits in the oven because she was used to cooking for two. If I'd had the strength to be normal, I thought, or at least the strength to die, then everyone would have been happy.

"Next stop Lambertville," the bus driver called over the harsh, tinny intercom. Outside the windows, none of the scenery had changed. The mountains looked the same. The trees looked the same. We could have been anywhere in the South, which is to say, nowhere. It seemed like the sort of place where Dad would live.

My hands shook as the bus lurched to a stop. I was the only passenger who stood up. The musician looked up from his magazine and nodded while I gathered my things. An older man with leathery skin and a sweat-stained work shirt scanned me from my feet to my neck without making eye contact. I stared straight ahead and pretended not to notice.

The door rattled open and the bus let out a hiss. I closed my eyes, whispered a short prayer to a god I wasn't sure really listened anymore, and stepped down. The sickly humid afternoon heat hit me like a solid wall.

It had been six years since I had seen my father. I had rehearsed this moment over and over in my head. I would run up and hug him, and he would kiss the top of my head, and for the first time in a long time, I would feel safe.

"That you?" Dad asked, his voice muffled by the bass rumble of the bus engine. I squinted against the harsh light. He wore a pair of wire-rim sunglasses, and his hair was at least half silver now. Deep lines had formed around his mouth. Mom called these "laugh lines," so I wasn't sure how he had gotten them. Only his mouth was as I remembered it: the same thin, horizontal slash.

"Hi, Dad," I said. The sunglasses made it easier to look him in the face. We both stood rooted in place.

"Hi," he said after a while. "Put your things in the back." He opened the wagon's hatch and got in the car. I deposited my luggage and joined him. I remembered this car; it was at least ten years old, but Dad was good with machines. "You must be hungry."

"Not really," I said. I hadn't been hungry in a while. I hadn't cried in a while. Mostly I just felt numb.

"You should eat." He glanced at me as he pulled out of the parking lot. His lenses had become transparent, and behind them, his eyes were a flat, almost grayish brown. "There's a diner close to the apartment. If we get there now we'll have the place to ourselves."

"That's nice." Dad had never been social, but a little voice in my head said he didn't want to be seen with me. I took a deep breath. "Your glasses are cool."

"Oh?" He shrugged. "Astigmatism got worse. These help."

"It's good that you got it treated," I said, my words as staggered and awkward as I felt. I looked down at my lap.

"You've got my eyes, you know. You should take care of yourself."

"Yes, sir."

"We'll take you to the optometrist soon. Need to get your eye looked at after that shiner anyway."

"Yes, sir." A billboard rose from the trees to the left, depicting a cartoon soldier firing red, white, and blue sparks from a bazooka. GENERAL BLAMMO'S FIREWORK SHACK. We turned into the sun so his eyes were hidden again, his jaw set in a way I didn't know how to read. "What did Mom tell you?"

"She was worried about you," he said. "She said you weren't safe where you were living."

"Did she tell you about what happened sophomore year? When I ... was in the hospital?"

His knuckles whitened on the steering wheel. He stared ahead silently as we passed an old brick building with a tarnished steeple. The sign read NEW HOPE BAPTIST CHURCH. A Walmart loomed behind it.

"We can talk about that later." He adjusted his glasses and sighed. The lines in his skin seemed to deepen. I wondered how he had aged so much in six years, but then I remembered how much I had changed too.

"Sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have brought it up." I watched the patchwork tobacco farms roll by. "It's just, you never called or wrote."

"Wasn't sure what I could say," he said. "It's been hard coming to terms with ... everything."

"Have you come to terms now that you've seen me?"

"Give me time, kiddo." His lips puckered as they formed the last word, so unusually informal for him. "I guess I'm just old-fashioned."

The turn signal clicked in time with my heart as the car slowed. We pulled up in front of the Sartoris Dinner Car, an actual converted railroad car on a cinder-block foundation.

"I understand," I said. I imagined how I must look to him, and my mind leaped to fill in all the worst things I had ever felt about myself. "My name is Amanda now though, in case you forgot."

"Okay," he said. He killed the engine, opened the door, and hesitated. "Okay, Amanda. I can do that." He walked to the front door in that clockwork way of his, hands in his pockets and elbows pointed at symmetrical angles. I couldn't help seeing my reflection in the window: a gangly teenage girl with long, brown hair in a cotton shirt and shorts rumpled from travel.

A bell jingled as we entered the empty diner. A sleepy-eyed waitress looked up and smiled. "Hi, Mr. Hardy!"

"Afternoon, Mary Anne," he said, grinning broadly and waving as he took a seat at the counter. That smile gave me a feeling of vertigo. He had smiled when I was seven and I told him I wanted to try out for Little League. He had smiled when I was nine and I agreed to go hunting with him. I couldn't remember any other times. "Heard your granny had a stroke. How y'all holding up?"

"She says heaven don't want her and hell's afraid she'd take over," the girl said, pulling a notebook and pen from her apron and walking over. "The physical therapy's been a bear, though."

"She can do it if anybody can," Dad said. He slid his menu to her without looking at it. "Sweet tea and a Caesar salad with chicken, please."

She nodded. "And who's this with you?" she asked, turning to me. My eyes flicked from her to Dad.

"I'm Amanda," I said. She looked like she expected more information, but I had no idea what Dad had told people about his family. What if he told them he had one child, a son? I shakily handed her my menu and said, "I would like a waffle and Diet Coke please, ma'am, thank you."

"She's my daughter," Dad said after a moment, his voice halting and stiff.

"Well, she looks just like you!" We exchanged an uncomfortable look as Mary Anne trotted off to get our drinks.

"She seems nice," I said.

"She's a good waitress," Dad said. He nodded stiffly. I drummed my fingers on the counter and wiggled my foot back and forth absentmindedly.

"Thank you for letting me stay with you," I said softly. "It means a lot."

"Least I could do."

Mary Anne brought our food and excused herself to greet a pair of white-haired older men in plaid work shirts.

One of the men stopped to talk to Dad. His nose was round and spider-webbed with purple veins, his eyes hidden under storm-cloud brows. "Who's this little beam of sunshine?" he asked, leaning past Dad to wave at me. I turned so he couldn't see my black eye.

"Amanda," Dad mumbled. "My daughter."

The man whistled and slapped Dad's shoulder. "Well, no wonder I ain't seen her before! If I had a daughter as cute as this'n I'd keep her hid away too." My cheeks burned. "You just tell me if any of the boys get too fresh, now, and I'll loan you my rifle."

"I don't think that will be a problem," Dad said haltingly.

"Oh, trust me," he said, winking, "I had three daughters, not a one of them half as pretty as this one in their time, and it was still all I could do to keep the boys away."

"Okay," Dad said. "Thanks for the advice. Looks like your coffee's getting cold."

The man said goodbye, winked again, and walked stiffly to his seat. I turned my attention straight ahead. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Dad doing the same.

"Ready to go?" he asked finally.

He got up without waiting for a response and threw a twenty-dollar bill on the table next to our half-finished meals. We didn't make eye contact as we got in the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

NOVEMBER, THREE YEARS AGO

The hospital bed creaked as Mom sat and rubbed my leg through the thin blanket. A forced smile tightened her apple cheeks but failed to reach her eyes. Her clothes looked baggy; she must not have eaten since I was admitted, to have lost so much weight.

"I talked with the counselor," she said. Her accent was so different from mine, light and musical.

I said, "What about?" My voice sounded like nothing — flat, toneless, with the faintest deepening that made me never want to speak again. My stomach cramped and twisted.

"When it's safe for you to come home. I told 'em I was worried 'bout what you might do when you're alone, since I can't take any more time off work. I couldn't survive it if I came home and found you ..." she trailed off, staring at the light-yellow wall.

"What did the counselor say?" I had met with him a few days before. When he asked me what was wrong with me, I wrote six words on a notepad, my throat still too sore from the stomach pump to speak.

"He said there's ways to treat what's wrong with you," Mom said. "But he wouldn't say what it is." She peered at me.

"You won't want me to come home if I tell you what's wrong," I said, shifting my eyes down. "You won't ever want to see me again." This was the most I'd said at once in weeks. My throat ached from the effort.

"That ain't possible," she said. "There ain't a thing in God's creation that could undo the love I have for my son."

I brought my wrist up to my chest and looked down. The identification bracelet said my name was Andrew Hardy. If I died, I realized, Andrew was the name they would put on my tombstone.

"What if your son told you he was your daughter?"

My mother was quiet for a moment. I thought of the words I wrote down for the counselor: I should have been a girl.

Finally, she brought her eyes to meet mine. Her expression was fierce, despite her round, red cheeks.

"Listen to me." Her hand squeezed my leg hard enough that the pain broke through the fog of my meds. When she spoke next, I listened. "Anything, anyone, is better than a dead son."

Lambertville High sat at the bottom of a hill, dozens of beat-up trucks and station wagons clustered near the entrance. Small pockets of students hovered near the front door, the boys conspicuously slouched and the girls straight-backed and high-chinned, all radiating as much transparent disinterest in one another as possible.

I had barely slept the night before. I gave up trying at five and drank a chocolate-flavored nutritional shake with my medicine: two two-milligram estradiol tablets, which were tiny and blue and tasted like chalk, to feminize my appearance and stand in for the testosterone my body could no longer make, and one ten-milligram Lexapro tablet, which was round and white and waxy, to help me stay calm.

I kept my eyes straight ahead and walked through the double doors, hoping the concealer I wore over the faded, yellowish remnants of my black eye did its job. Inside, the floor was an alternating pattern of green, brown, and gold-flecked white tiles. Fluorescent lights buzzed angrily, but for all their fury, the halls were dimly lit. Display cases lined the walls, shelf after shelf of trophies for cheerleading, marching band, baseball, and especially football, with records reaching back far enough that half the team photos were sepia-toned. The red classroom doors bore faded-looking numbers, and I followed them to 118, the homeroom marked on my schedule.

More than a dozen students sat in groups of three or four, talking so loudly I could hear them in the hall. The room fell quiet as I entered. The girls looked at me and then away again quickly, but a few guys stared for a second longer, their expressions unreadable.

As I moved to find a seat, one face was still turned my way: a tall, lean boy with dark, sharp eyes and wavy black hair. Our eyes caught, and I felt a lurch in my stomach. He sat with another boy, this one tall and bulky with short light hair and a nose that looked like it had been broken before, a half-lidded, sarcastic expression pointed at me. The sarcastic-looking one said something I couldn't make out, and a crimson blush spread across his friend's cheeks.

My heart screamed that they knew, that the one with those piercing eyes was attracted to me for a moment and his friend was making fun of him for it. That was the kind of scenario that got girls like me killed. I had done the research. I knew how often things like that happened. I felt the scar over my ear and remembered that even now that I'd had my surgery, even now that nothing but some legal papers could reveal my past, I was never really safe.

I looked down at my lap and tried to will myself out of existence.

The cafeteria and the auditorium were the same room. The tables were circular, each seating at most five or six people, and half of the seating was on the stage itself. The higher position was clearly reserved for juniors and seniors.

I sat at an empty table on the stage and opened up Sandman, a comic book my friend Virginia had recommended, and pulled out the vegetable sushi rolls I had prepared the night before. After a few minutes, I marked my place and ducked to put the book away — and looked up to find the black-haired boy from homeroom sitting across from me.

Product details

• ASIN ‏ : ‎ B01CYMDBHU
• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Usborne Publishing (June 1, 2016)
• Publication date ‏ : ‎ June 1, 2016
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• File size ‏ : ‎ 1740 KB
• Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
• Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
• Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
• X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
• Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
• Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
• Print length ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
• #1,199 in LGBTQ+ Romance for Teens & Young Adults eBooks
• #3,144 in Teen & Young Adult LGBTQ+ Romance
• #7,174 in Teen & Young Adult Social Issues eBooks

About the author

Meredith russo.

Meredith Russo was born, raised and lives in Tennessee. She started living as her true self in late 2013 and never looked back. If I Was Your Girl was partially inspired by her experiences as a trans woman. Like Amanda, Meredith is a gigantic nerd who spends a lot of her time obsessing over video games and Star Wars.

Customer reviews

• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 5 star 64% 28% 6% 1% 0% 64%
• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 4 star 64% 28% 6% 1% 0% 28%
• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 3 star 64% 28% 6% 1% 0% 6%
• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 2 star 64% 28% 6% 1% 0% 1%
• 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 1 star 64% 28% 6% 1% 0% 0%

Customer Reviews, including Product Star Ratings help customers to learn more about the product and decide whether it is the right product for them.

To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. It also analyzed reviews to verify trustworthiness.

Customers say

Customers find the book well-written, outstanding, and cathartic. They also find the characters compelling, relatable, and empathetic. Readers describe the story as engaging, compelling, and realistic. They find the insight enlightening, interesting, and helpful for understanding the struggle. They describe the book as beautiful, endearing, and true. Customers also mention that the emotional content is heartbreaking and uplifting. They mention the romance is good.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

Customers find the book outstanding, well-written, and cathartic. They also say it's an easy, quick read with only 273 pages. Readers mention the plot flows well.

"...with the topic of trans-people and transitioning, this is a great book to read ...." Read more

"...But the character development was great. Pleasant writing style , not heavy with the feels, but enough to hit you with what is important...." Read more

"I really did enjoy this little book. It’s an easy read , and quick to get through, but is far from simple and has little nuggets of wisdom and..." Read more

"...(which is sad, and I want to read all of them), but this was such an incredible and important book and I am so happy that I picked it up...." Read more

Customers find the characters compelling, relatable, and captivating. They say the story will speak to every reader. Readers also mention the book moves along at a good pace, keeping their interest.

"...tackling transgender issues, ‘If I Was Your Girl’ is the most realistic representation I've read of a trans character to date – with a focus more on..." Read more

"...She’s a wonderful person. She’s kind-hearted, open, vulnerable and lovable . She’s also a complete geek, which I of course love about her...." Read more

"...These points help her become more relatable to cis readers , but at the same time these things distance her from trans readers who want a trans..." Read more

"...It is very interesting to read from her perspective as this book has flashbacks that show Amanda during her childhood/teenage years, before she came..." Read more

Customers find the story engaging, compelling, and beautifully written. They say it tells an authentic coming-of-age story. Readers also mention the flashbacks are well-done and effective. They describe the book as a strong work of fiction by an actual transgender author.

"...The Star Wars references alone made me giggle. The story is well-written , but it's also a fictional account of one transgender girl's..." Read more

"...Amanda’s bullying was brutal, and yet her story was easily digestible for someone who would struggle to actually relate to her situation...." Read more

"...And it does so it a way that is entertaining, believable, and poignant ...." Read more

"...Beautiful. Raw. Earnest . And, it seemed impossible at the time, funny. But isn’t that life?..." Read more

Customers find the book enlightening, intriguing, and helpful for understanding the struggle that is associated with transgender. They say it's uplifting and positive, and it fosters empathy, understanding, and kinship in anyone who reads it. Readers also mention the book is an easy read that tackles a difficult subject.

"...the problems of a trans-girl in a simple light, it allows more people to easily connect with and understand a character that’s experiencing a..." Read more

"...Overall, this was a heart-warming contemporary . The storyline itself felt a little simple. But the character development was great...." Read more

"...the book deals with so many immense issues, it does so with humor, pathos and kindness...." Read more

"...This well-written novel is an easy read that tackles a difficult subject ." Read more

Customers find the book beautiful, endearing, and heartbreaking. They appreciate the skillful depiction of realistic reactions. Readers also mention the book shines brightest when it shows how all of it comes together.

"The first thing that drew me to ‘If I Was Your Girl’ was the amazing cover art ; and the second was when I found out it was a contemporary with a..." Read more

"...It's all very endearing and heartbreaking at the same time especially since her father seemed to give her pushback every step of the way...." Read more

"...I would argue that maybe it should be required reading for all of us. Beautiful . Raw. Earnest. And, it seemed impossible at the time, funny...." Read more

"...it follows a general YA contemporary outline, it also skillfully depicts the realistic (terrible and terrifying) reactions one might experience..." Read more

Customers find the book emotional, heartbreaking, and empathetic. They say it's a nice balance of hardship and hope. Readers mention the pain is tangible and the book makes them laugh, angry, nervous, and devastated.

"...The story is simple, but feels very emotionally truthful ...." Read more

"...But isn’t that life? Beautiful and brutal and yet we persevere in spite of it, in spite of ourselves.⠀FAIR WARNING..." Read more

"...-Amanda. She goes through so much and her pain is so tangible . I think you'd have to try really hard not feel something for her...." Read more

Customers find the romance in the book good, lovely, and beautiful. They say it shows a side of relationships and genders they had not thought about. Readers also say the book is humanizing and true to the realities trans teenagers face. They mention it gives trans kids a positive portrayal of their experiences and is a great introduction to stories with trans protagonists.

"...but that’s part of what makes it a great book: it’s normalizing trans-people and their stories , rather than making it a super heavy topic that only..." Read more

"...I thought It was a perfectly pleasant example of a teen romance story . It met but did not exceed my expectations for the genre...." Read more

"...⠀Kiss & Tell:⠀This book has some unbelievably sweet kissing in it, with the promise of more...." Read more

"...Regardless of what I think, this book provides essential information for cisgender people , and it will hopefully make transgender people very proud..." Read more

Customers find the book easy to understand, relate to, and connect to. They say the writing is simple but well-thought-out. Readers also mention the structure of the book works well and does an excellent job of illustrating the concept of transgender.

"I really did enjoy this little book. It’s an easy read, and quick to get through , but is far from simple and has little nuggets of wisdom and..." Read more

"...about a trans kid before, and I think this did an excellent job of illustrating the concept of transgender to those of us who are cis...." Read more

"...Meredith Russo on Twitter for months now and I think she is incredibly smart and talented (and really funny - you should follow her)...." Read more

"...a world I didn't know in a way that was easy to understand and easier to relate to because I didn't need to be transgendered to be able to relate to..." Read more

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A touching story about self-acceptance and finding your place.

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IF I WAS YOUR GIRL

by Ni-Ni Simone ‧ RELEASE DATE: Oct. 1, 2008

Sassy teen mom Toi lives with her son, her mom, her little brother and her cousin in New Jersey. She works part-time at IHOP, and spends most of her free time hanging out with her friends, avoiding her son’s no-good father and mooning over slick, sensible college boy Harlem Sims, who’s home from his school in Georgia. As the titles of the book’s sections suggest (Drama Part I, Part II, etc.), Simone’s latest is all about histrionics and definitely won’t disappoint: Shouting matches, door slamming, trash talk, bitch slaps and baby-daddy drama all reign supreme in this quick yet half-plotted story of struggle and tough love. Readers of traditional urban fiction or even the edgier young-adult fiction of late—such as Coe Booth’s Tyrell (2006)—may be disappointed with the novel’s lack of grit. Still, urban teen readers may recognize their friends and themselves in the language, music and feel of this fluffy-but-fun read where the issues are hard but the treatment is light. All style, but not much substance. (Fiction. YA)

Pub Date: Oct. 1, 2008

ISBN: 978-0-7582-2841-3

Page Count: 240

Publisher: Dafina/Kensington

Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 15, 2008

TEENS & YOUNG ADULT SOCIAL THEMES | TEENS & YOUNG ADULT FICTION

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More by Ni-Ni Simone

BOOK REVIEW

by Ni-Ni Simone ; Amir Abrams

by Ni-Ni Simone & Amir Abrams

by Ni-Ni Simone

IF HE HAD BEEN WITH ME

by Laura Nowlin ‧ RELEASE DATE: April 1, 2013

There’s not much plot here, but readers will relish the opportunity to climb inside Autumn’s head.

The finely drawn characters capture readers’ attention in this debut.

Autumn and Phineas, nicknamed Finny, were born a week apart; their mothers are still best friends. Growing up, Autumn and Finny were like peas in a pod despite their differences: Autumn is “quirky and odd,” while Finny is “sweet and shy and everyone like[s] him.” But in eighth grade, Autumn and Finny stop being friends due to an unexpected kiss. They drift apart and find new friends, but their friendship keeps asserting itself at parties, shared holiday gatherings and random encounters. In the summer after graduation, Autumn and Finny reconnect and are finally ready to be more than friends. But on August 8, everything changes, and Autumn has to rely on all her strength to move on. Autumn’s coming-of-age is sensitively chronicled, with a wide range of experiences and events shaping her character. Even secondary characters are well-rounded, with their own histories and motivations.

Pub Date: April 1, 2013

ISBN: 978-1-4022-7782-5

Page Count: 336

Publisher: Sourcebooks Fire

Review Posted Online: Feb. 12, 2013

Kirkus Reviews Issue: March 1, 2013

TEENS & YOUNG ADULT ROMANCE | TEENS & YOUNG ADULT SOCIAL THEMES

More by Laura Nowlin

by Laura Nowlin

More About This Book

SEEN & HEARD

Awards & Accolades

Our Verdict

New York Times Bestseller

A GOOD GIRL'S GUIDE TO MURDER

From the good girl's guide to murder series , vol. 1.

by Holly Jackson ‧ RELEASE DATE: Feb. 4, 2020

A treat for mystery readers who enjoy being kept in suspense.

Everyone believes that Salil Singh killed his girlfriend, Andrea Bell, five years ago—except Pippa Fitz-Amobi.

Pip has known and liked Sal since childhood; he’d supported her when she was being bullied in middle school. For her senior capstone project, Pip researches the disappearance of former Fairview High student Andie, last seen on April 18, 2014, by her younger sister, Becca. The original investigation concluded with most of the evidence pointing to Sal, who was found dead in the woods, apparently by suicide. Andie’s body was never recovered, and Sal was assumed by most to be guilty of abduction and murder. Unable to ignore the gaps in the case, Pip sets out to prove Sal’s innocence, beginning with interviewing his younger brother, Ravi. With his help, Pip digs deeper, unveiling unsavory facts about Andie and the real reason Sal’s friends couldn’t provide him with an alibi. But someone is watching, and Pip may be in more danger than she realizes. Pip’s sleuthing is both impressive and accessible. Online articles about the case and interview transcripts are provided throughout, and Pip’s capstone logs offer insights into her thought processes as new evidence and suspects arise. Jackson’s debut is well-executed and surprises readers with a connective web of interesting characters and motives. Pip and Andie are white, and Sal is of Indian descent.

Pub Date: Feb. 4, 2020

ISBN: 978-1-9848-9636-0

Page Count: 400

Publisher: Delacorte

Review Posted Online: Oct. 27, 2019

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Dec. 1, 2019

TEENS & YOUNG ADULT MYSTERY & THRILLER | TEENS & YOUNG ADULT SOCIAL THEMES

More In The Series

by Holly Jackson

More by Holly Jackson

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Booking.com review: Booking every element of my vacation in one platform

The site offers flights, car rentals, accommodations and activities

You can save this article by registering for free here . Or sign-in if you have an account.

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Reviews and recommendations are unbiased and products are independently selected. Postmedia may earn an affiliate commission from purchases made through links on this page.

When it comes to planning vacations, I’m the doer in my household. I like to have all of the major details — flights, accommodation and a few activities — planned in advance to take some of the pressure off while away. 

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Like most modern travellers, I book everything online . When digging through the endless options, I tend to value cost-savings, user-friendly booking sites and convenience. I was planning a family trip to Mexico when I learned that (almost) everything could be booked through booking.com’s platform .

I’ve had a Booking account for many years, at least 15, and I had unknowingly enrolled in its free Genius program . The program offers returning travellers rewards such as discounts, free breakfasts and room upgrades, depending on your level. It starts at level one (upon creating an account) and goes up to level three (upon completing 15 bookings in two years). Cost-savings — check.

The Booking.com website is user-friendly. The main navigation takes you to book stays, flights, car rentals, taxis and attractions, where you’ll find activity options at your destination. You can book flight and hotel combos too, though when I looked into it, it seemed more costly than booking separately. The app is even better, with a 4.7-star rating in the app store, the highest I’ve seen for a well-reviewed travel platform. I love the convenience of being able to book almost everything in one place — all that was left to book were restaurants. Check, check.

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Lastly, I appreciate Booking.com’s approach to sustainable travel , which often feels like an oxymoron. The company releases an annual sustainability report and aims to make booking sustainable trips easier for travellers while consistently working on a climate action plan .

After booking my flights, accommodation, car rental and activities through booking.com, these are my thoughts on the service.

Flights on Booking.com

Fabulous. I got the lowest rate I could find on the internet, matching or below the rates I could find on Air Canada , WestJet , Sky Scanner , Expedia and any other flight aggregator. The process was quick and easy.

Accommodation on Booking.com

Great in the end, with some hiccups. After searching through all of the options on the platform, I was happily surprised to find so many different property types. Hotels, but also vacation homes, apartments, B&Bs and hostels. The variety makes it a great choice for varying budgets (I’m pretty sure my first booking was a hostel in Thailand in my early 20s). Some of the vacation homes rival what you might find on Airbnb or Vrbo .

I managed to find the most amazing accommodation, right by the beach near a lovely little surf town called Todos Santos. I can’t say enough wonderful things about Cerritos Surf Residences , a block of gorgeous condos with what felt like our own private pool and bar (these were both shared, but we managed to book during off season, so had them both to ourselves often). Our condo was equipped with two large bedrooms, two bathrooms, a huge living space with a new kitchen and appliances and a large patio overlooking the pool. Perfect for a family of three or four.

Booking accommodation wasn’t as smooth as I’d hoped. We initially wanted to stay in a private home, but learned of recent scams impacting the site. According to an interview with The Guardian , a Booking.com spokesperson confirmed many of its accommodation partners had been targeted by phishing emails aimed at taking over the partner’s computer system.

“In some cases this has led to unauthorized access of their Booking.com account, which enables these fraudsters to temporarily impersonate the accommodation and communicate with guests via email or messages,” the spokesperson said to the Guardian.

My suggestion is to steer clear of any accommodation with less than five reviews to avoid a potential headache.

Car rental on Booking.com

I booked through the platform and all seemed smooth until we showed up at the rental company to pick up our vehicle. They ended up charging us an additional $400 on top of the $167 we’d already paid.

Since Booking.com is a third-party supplier, this issue is difficult to police. After reading a bunch of reviews, it sounds like this is a very common issue in many countries and likely would’ve happened regardless of where we booked.

I suggest booking with a reputable company like Avis or Enterprise , to avoid unexpected fees. This can be done through the Booking.com platform, but avoid companies you’ve never heard of and read the reviews ahead of booking.

Activities on Booking.com

There’s a great range of activities (called “attractions”) on Booking.com and everything we booked went smoothly at our destination ( Glass Bottom Boat Tour — highly recommended for the kiddos if you’re in the Cabo area!). I suggest comparing against Tripadvisor options and pricing to ensure you’re finding the best deal.

Final recommendation

Overall, the experience with Booking.com was positive and saved me money, thanks to my Genius membership. I saved 10 per cent on both the car rental and accommodation and found the cheapest flights on the internet through the platform. Each of these bookings will get me closer to the next level of the program, unlocking more savings.

Next time, I’ll go into the booking experience armed with more knowledge about car and accommodation scams but look forward to free room upgrades and breakfasts on my next trip.

Shopping Essentials  is a category written by research-obsessed shopping experts. Explore product reviews, recommendations and launches — plus behind-the-scenes info on your favourite brands and hidden gems —  learn more here  or  sign up for our newsletter .

ltaveroff@ postmedia.com

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