a life changing lesson you learned essay

• Entertainment
• Environment
• Information Science and Technology
• Social Issues

Home Essay Samples Life Life Lesson

A Life Lesson I Have Learned and How It Continues to Shape Me

Table of contents, the unexpected turn of events, the power of perspective, the importance of self-compassion, the ripple effect on other areas of life.

*minimum deadline

Cite this Essay

To export a reference to this article please select a referencing style below

• Vegetarianism

Related Essays

Need writing help?

You can always rely on us no matter what type of paper you need

*No hidden charges

100% Unique Essays

Absolutely Confidential

Money Back Guarantee

By clicking “Send Essay”, you agree to our Terms of service and Privacy statement. We will occasionally send you account related emails

You can also get a UNIQUE essay on this or any other topic

Thank you! We’ll contact you as soon as possible.

Essays About Life-changing Experiences: 5 Examples

Discover our guide for writing essays about life-changing experiences that combine three different elements: narrative, description, and self-reflection. 

Each of us has gone through life-changing experiences that shaped us into the individuals we are today. Because of how powerful they are, these events make for fascinating topics in writing. This subject doesn’t only let us tell our life stories, and it also pushes us to evaluate our behavior and reflect on why an incident happened.

Attract your readers by creating an excellent introduction and choosing a unique or exciting encounter. Paint a picture of the events that describe your experience vividly and finish with a strong conclusion.

5 Essay Examples

1. long essay on experience that changed my life by prasanna, 2. life-changing events: personal experience by anonymous on studycorgi.com, 3. my example of a life-changing experience by anonymous on gradesfixer.com, 4. life-changing experience: death essay by writer annie, 5. a life-changing experience during the holiday season by anonymous on studymoose.com, 1. life-changing experience: defined, 2. the experience that changed my life, 3. life-changing events and how they impact lives, 4. everyday events that change a person’s life, 5. the person who change my life, 6. books or movies that changed my life, 7. a life-changing quote.

“Experiences can be good and sometimes terrible that results in a positive or negative impact on one’s life. Life is full of many unexpected challenges and unknown turning points that will come along any time. People must learn and grow from every experience that they go through in life rather than losing yourself.”

In this essay, Prasanna discusses her father’s death as her most challenging life-changing experience. She was cheerful, immature, and carefree when her father was still alive. However, when her father left, she became the decision-maker of their family because her mother was unable to.

Prasanna mentions that she lost not only a father but also a friend, motivator, and mentor. That sad and unexpected experience turned her into an introverted, mature, and responsible head of the family. Ultimately, she thanks her father for making her a better person, and because of the devastating incident, she realizes who she can trust and how she should handle the real world. You might also be interested in these essays about choice .

“In life, certain experiences present challenges that change the way people relate to themselves and their families. Certain life events mark life-changing moments that alter lives either positively or negatively. It matters how people handle their relationships at such critical moments.”

This essay contains two life events that helped the author become a better person. These events taught them to trust and appreciate people, be responsible, and value family. The first event is when their best friend passes away, leading to stress, loss of appetite, and depression. The second circumstance happened when the author postponed their studies because they were afraid to grow up and be accountable for their decisions and actions.

The writer’s family showed them love, support, and understanding through these events. These events changed their behavior, attitude, and perspective on life and guided them to strengthen family relationships.

For help picking your next essay topic, check out our 20 engaging essay topics about family .

“I thought it was awkward because he looked and acted very professional. In that moment I thought to myself, ‘this person is going to have a great impact in my life!’. I was very curious to meet him and get a chance to show him my personality.”

This essay proves that you should always believe in yourself and not be afraid to try something new. The author recalls when they had many problems and met an extraordinary person who changed their life. 

When they were in sixth grade, the writer had life issues that caused them to be anxious about any future endeavor. The author then says they don’t usually open up to teachers because they fear their reactions. Then they met Mr. Salazar, a mentor who respects and values them, and the writer considers him their best friend.

“When the funeral was over and he was laid to rest, I had a feeling I can’t even describe. It was almost an empty feeling. I knew I had lost someone that could never be replaced.”

Annie never thought that she’d go through a life-changing experience until the sudden death of her father. Her thoughts and feelings are all over the place, and she has many unanswered questions. She says that although she will never wish for anyone to experience the same. However, her father’s passing improved her life in some ways.

Her mother remarried and introduced a new father figure, who was very kind to her. Living with her stepdad allowed her to explore and do things she thought she couldn’t. Annie still mourns the loss of her birth father, but she is also grateful to have a stepdad she can lean on. She gradually accepts that she can’t bring her birth father back.

“This story as a whole has really changed me and made me an even better person in life, I’m so thankful that this happened to me because now I have a greater appreciation for the little things in life.”

The essay shows how a simple interaction on a cold day in December can completely change a person’s view on life. It starts with the writer being asked a small favor of an older man with Alzheimer’s disease to help him find his car. This experience teaches the writer to be more observant and appreciative of the things they have. The author was inspired to spend more time with loved ones, especially their grandfather, who also has Alzheimer’s disease, as they learned never to take anything for granted.

7 Prompts for Essays About Life-changing Experiences

Everyone has their definition of a life-changing experience. But in general, it is an event or series of events profoundly altering a person’s thinking, feelings, and behavior. Use this prompt to explain your understanding of the topic and discuss how a simple action, decision, or encounter can change someone’s life. You might also be interested in these essays about yourself .

For this prompt, choose a specific memory that made you re-evaluate your views, values, and morals. Then, discuss the impact of this event on your life. For example, you can discuss losing a loved one, moving to another country, or starting a new school. Your conclusion must contain the main lessons you learned from the experience and how it can help the readers.

Various positive and negative life-changing experiences happen anytime and anywhere. Sometimes, you don’t notice them until they substantially disturb your everyday life. 

To begin your essay, interview people and ask about a momentous event that happened to them and how it influenced their way of living. Then, pick the most potent life-changing experience shared. Talk about what you’d do if you were in the same situation.

Some life-changing events include common things such as marriage, parenthood, divorce, job loss, and death. Research and discuss the most common experiences that transform a person’s life. Include real-life situations and any personal encounters for an intriguing essay.

It’s normal to meet other people, but connecting with someone who will significantly impact your life is a blessing. Use this prompt to discuss that particular person, such as a parent, close friend, or romantic partner. Share who they are and how you met them, and discuss what they did or said that made a big difference in your life. 

Movies like “The Truman Show” help change your viewpoint in life. They open our minds and provide ideas for dealing with our struggles. Share how you reached an epiphany by reading a book or watching a movie. Include if it’s because of a particular dialogue, character action, or scenes you can relate to.

While others use inspirational quotes for comfort and to avoid negative thinking, some find a quote that gives them the courage to make drastic changes to better their lives. For this prompt, search for well-known personalities who discovered a quote that motivated them to turn their life around.  Essay Tip: When editing for grammar, we also recommend spending time and effort to improve the readability score of your essay before publishing or submitting it.

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

View all posts

What are your chances of acceptance?

Calculate for all schools, your chance of acceptance.

Your chancing factors

Extracurriculars.

How to Write the “Overcoming Challenges” Essay + Examples

What’s covered:.

• What is the Overcoming Challenges Essay?
• Real Overcoming Challenges Essay Prompts
• How to Choose a Topic
• Writing Tips

Overcoming Challenges Essay Examples

• Where to Get Your Essay Edited

While any college essay can be intimidating, the Overcoming Challenges prompt often worries students the most. Those students who’ve been lucky enough not to experience trauma tend to assume they have nothing worth saying. On the other hand, students who’ve overcome larger obstacles may be hesitant to talk about them.

Regardless of your particular circumstances, there are steps you can take to make the essay writing process simpler. Here are our top tips for writing the overcoming challenges essay successfully.

What is the “Overcoming Challenges” Essay?

The overcoming challenges prompt shows up frequently in both main application essays (like the Common App) and supplemental essays. Because supplemental essays allow students to provide schools with additional information, applicants should be sure that the subject matter they choose to write about differs from what’s in their main essay.

Students often assume the overcoming challenges essay requires them to detail past traumas. While you can certainly write about an experience that’s had a profound effect on your life, it’s important to remember that colleges aren’t evaluating students based on the seriousness of the obstacle they overcame.

On the contrary, the goal of this essay is to show admissions officers that you have the intelligence and fortitude to handle any challenges that come your way. After all, college serves as an introduction to adult life, and schools want to know that the students they admit are up to the task. 

Real “Overcoming Challenges” Essay Prompts

To help you understand what the “Overcoming Challenges” essay looks like, here are a couple sample prompts.

Currently, the Common Application asks students to answer the following prompt in 650 words or less:

“The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?”

For the past several years, MIT has prompted students to write 200 to 250 words on the following:

“Tell us about the most significant challenge you’ve faced or something important that didn’t go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?”

In both cases, the prompts explicitly ask for your response to the challenge. The event itself isn’t as important as how it pushed you to grow.

How to Choose a Topic for an Essay on Overcoming Challenges

When it comes to finding the best topic for your overcoming challenges essays, there’s no right answer. The word “challenge” is ambiguous and could be used to reference a wide range of situations from prevailing over a bully to getting over your lifelong stage fright to appear in a school musical. Here are some suggestions to keep in mind when selecting an essay subject.

1. Avoid trivial or common topics

While there aren’t many hard-and-fast rules for choosing an essay topic, students should avoid overdone topics.

These include:

• Working hard in a challenging class
• Overcoming a sports injury
• Moving schools or immigrating to the US
• Tragedy (divorce, death, abuse)

Admissions officers have read numerous essays on the subject, so it’s harder for you to stand out (see our full list of cliché college essay topics to avoid ). If events like these were truly formative to you, you can still choose to write about them, but you’ll need to be as personal as possible. 

It’s also ideal if you have a less traditional storyline for a cliché topic; for example, if your sports injury led you to discover a new passion, that would be a more unique story than detailing how you overcame your injury and got back in the game.

Similarly, students may not want to write about an obstacle that admissions committees could perceive as low stakes, such as getting a B on a test, or getting into a small fight with a friend. The goal of this essay is to illustrate how you respond to adversity, so the topic you pick should’ve been at least impactful on your personal growth.

2. Pick challenges that demonstrate qualities you want to highlight

Students often mistakenly assume they need to have experienced exceptional circumstances like poverty, an abusive parent, or cancer to write a good essay. The truth is that the best topics will allow you to highlight specific personal qualities and share more about who you are. The essay should be less about the challenge itself, and more about how you responded to it.

Ask yourself what personality traits you want to emphasize, and see what’s missing in your application. Maybe you want to highlight your adaptability, for example, but that isn’t clearly expressed in your application. In this case, you might write about a challenge that put your adaptability to the test, or shaped you to become more adaptable.

Here are some examples of good topics we’ve seen over the years:

• Not having a coach for a sports team and becoming one yourself
• Helping a parent through a serious health issue
• Trying to get the school track dedicated to a coach
• Having to switch your Model UN position last-minute

Tips for Writing an Essay About Overcoming Challenges

Once you’ve selected a topic for your essays, it’s time to sit down and write. For best results, make sure your essay focuses on your efforts to tackle an obstacle rather than the problem itself. Additionally, you could avoid essay writing pitfalls by doing the following:

1. Choose an original essay structure

If you want your overcoming challenges essay to attract attention, aim to break away from more traditional structures. Most of these essays start by describing an unsuccessful attempt at a goal and then explain the steps the writer took to master the challenge. 

You can stand out by choosing a challenge you’re still working on overcoming, or focus on a mental or emotional challenge that spans multiple activities or events. For example, you might discuss your fear of public speaking and how that impacted your ability to coach your brother’s Little League team and run for Student Council. 

You can also choose a challenge that can be narrated in the moment, such as being put on the spot to teach a yoga class. These challenges can make particularly engaging essays, as you get to experience the writer’s thoughts and emotions as they unfold.

Keep in mind that you don’t necessarily need to have succeeded in your goal for this essay. Maybe you ran for an election and lost, or maybe you proposed a measure to the school board that wasn’t passed. It’s still possible to write a strong essay about topics like these as long as you focus on your personal growth. In fact, these may make for even stronger essays since they are more unconventional topics.

2. Focus on the internal

When writing about past experiences, you may be tempted to spend too much time describing specific people and events. With an Overcoming Challenges essay though, the goal is to focus on your thoughts and feelings.

For example, rather than detail all the steps you took to become a better public speaker, use the majority of your essay to describe your mental state as you embarked on the journey to achieving your goals. Were you excited, scared, anxious, or hopeful? Don’t be afraid to let the reader in on your innermost emotions and thoughts during this process.

3. Share what you learned 

An Overcoming Challenges essay should leave the reader with a clear understanding of what you learned on your journey, be it physical, mental, or emotional. There’s no need to explicitly say “this experience taught me X,” but your essay should at least implicitly share any lessons you learned. This can be done through your actions and in-the-moment reflections. Remember that the goal is to show admissions committees why your experiences make you a great candidate for admission. 

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the g arb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This essay is an excellent example because the writer turns an everyday challenge—starting a fire—into an exploration of her identity. The writer was once “a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes,” but has since traded her love of the outdoors for a love of music, writing, and reading. 

The story begins in media res , or in the middle of the action, allowing readers to feel as if we’re there with the writer. One of the essay’s biggest strengths is its use of imagery. We can easily visualize the writer’s childhood and the present day. For instance, she states that she “rubbed and rubbed [the twigs] until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers.”

The writing has an extremely literary quality, particularly with its wordplay. The writer reappropriates words and meanings, and even appeals to the senses: “My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame.” She later uses a parallelism to cleverly juxtapose her changed interests: “instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano.”

One of the essay’s main areas of improvement is its overemphasis on the “story” and lack of emphasis on the reflection. The second to last paragraph about changing perspective is crucial to the essay, as it ties the anecdote to larger lessons in the writer’s life. She states that she hasn’t changed, but has only shifted perspective. Yet, we don’t get a good sense of where this realization comes from and how it impacts her life going forward. 

The end of the essay offers a satisfying return to the fire imagery, and highlights the writer’s passion—the one thing that has remained constant in her life.

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

While the writer didn’t succeed in getting the track dedicated to Coach Stark, their essay is certainly successful in showing their willingness to push themselves and take initiative.

The essay opens with a quote from Coach Stark that later comes full circle at the end of the essay. We learn about Stark’s impact and the motivation for trying to get the track dedicated to him.

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The essay goes on to explain how the writer overcame their apprehension of public speaking, and likens the process of submitting an appeal to the school board to running a race. This metaphor makes the writing more engaging and allows us to feel the student’s emotions.

While the student didn’t ultimately succeed in getting the track dedicated, we learn about their resilience and initiative: I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Overall, this essay is well-done. It demonstrates growth despite failing to meet a goal, which is a unique essay structure. The running metaphor and full-circle intro/ending also elevate the writing in this essay.

Where to Get Your Overcoming Challenges Essay Edited

The Overcoming Challenges essay is one of the trickier supplemental prompts, so it’s important to get feedback on your drafts. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

Home — Essay Samples — Life — Life Lesson — Life Lesson: Reflections on Personal Growth

Life Lesson: Reflections on Personal Growth

• Categories: Life Lesson Personal Growth and Development

About this sample

Words: 729 |

Published: Sep 7, 2023

Words: 729 | Pages: 2 | 4 min read

Table of contents

The life lesson: embracing resilience, the importance of reflection and growth, a sense of purpose and meaning, promoting personal and social transformation.

Cite this Essay

Let us write you an essay from scratch

• 450+ experts on 30 subjects ready to help
• Custom essay delivered in as few as 3 hours

Get high-quality help

Prof. Kifaru

Verified writer

• Expert in: Life

+ 120 experts online

By clicking “Check Writers’ Offers”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy . We’ll occasionally send you promo and account related email

No need to pay just yet!

Related Essays

6 pages / 2752 words

7 pages / 3269 words

2 pages / 785 words

5 pages / 2344 words

Remember! This is just a sample.

You can get your custom paper by one of our expert writers.

121 writers online

Still can’t find what you need?

Browse our vast selection of original essay samples, each expertly formatted and styled

Related Essays on Life Lesson

Failure is an inevitable part of life, but its impact goes far beyond setbacks and disappointments. This essay explores the valuable lessons we can take from failure, emphasizing the role it plays in personal growth, resilience, [...]

The thing you regret the most is a topic that invites introspection into the choices and experiences that have shaped our lives. Regret is a complex and universal emotion, often serving as a reminder of missed opportunities or [...]

Life passes down great experiences to all of us. Sometimes these experiences go much more than just a memory, they go into teachings. By living through these experiences, we gain a great amount of wisdom. Fortunately I was [...]

Failure is often viewed as a setback, a detour from the path of success. However, history is replete with examples of individuals who have not only rebounded from failure but have also harnessed its valuable lessons to achieve [...]

Throughout our lives, we embark on numerous endeavors, each contributing to our personal growth, experiences, and the tapestry of our journey. Among these pursuits, there often emerges one that stands out as the most [...]

“Rome was not built in a day,” and basically, there exist in a society, two different category of successful persons of different discipline – the talented and the hard worker. Some people are talented at making hard work and [...]

Related Topics

By clicking “Send”, you agree to our Terms of service and Privacy statement . We will occasionally send you account related emails.

Where do you want us to send this sample?

By clicking “Continue”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy.

Be careful. This essay is not unique

This essay was donated by a student and is likely to have been used and submitted before

Download this Sample

Free samples may contain mistakes and not unique parts

Sorry, we could not paraphrase this essay. Our professional writers can rewrite it and get you a unique paper.

Please check your inbox.

We can write you a custom essay that will follow your exact instructions and meet the deadlines. Let's fix your grades together!

Get Your Personalized Essay in 3 Hours or Less!

We use cookies to personalyze your web-site experience. By continuing we’ll assume you board with our cookie policy .

• Instructions Followed To The Letter
• Deadlines Met At Every Stage
• Unique And Plagiarism Free

Some Lessons I’ve Learned From Reflecting On Life In 150 Essays

As I look back over my last 149 essays, I see memories, heartbreaks, and joys, all poured into my essays of size 12 font. I see times I was feeling high on life, and simultaneously, times I was struggling and felt as though I was stuck in the dark.. But even more than a simple timeline of moments and checkpoints, I see someone trying desperately to make sense of a messy world full of complicated emotions. I see someone a little bit lost at times, a little bit curious, and also a bit hopeful – someone just trying her best to seek meaning, inspiration, and above all, healing. 

It is an understatement to say that writing has been therapeutic for me. When I have felt lonely, or afraid, or let down, I have often sought comfort in writing. Words have been magical – they have been a way to gain a new perspective on my life and on the lives of all of the people around me. Writing has unfailingly encouraged me to look twice at life – to examine what lies beneath the surface, rather than accepting things at face value. 

And when I look back at all of these thoughts I have spilled across the white pages of my MacBook, I see many themes that seem to pop into my life over and over again, with each passing year. These themes are mainly lessons – those that I have learned, and those that I am still learning (or relearning).  Looking over my writing, I can’t help but notice how as human beings, we are constantly learning. We never seem to stop changing, growing, or healing.  

While I do not have all of the answers (or any answers with certainty), I do hope that some of the thoughts I have gathered and the lessons I have learned through examining the world through words may resonate with you as well. I hope they can bring you some comfort or reassurance in the midst of the mountains and valleys of your own life. 

1. It can feel comforting to seek home in nostalgia – to live in our memories, to replay them over and over again, like little film strips that continue to roll on. But at some point, we have to remember that life is still happening and the earth is still spinning, right here, right now. At some point, we have to be here for ourselves and for our hearts in the present. We have to be brave enough to hope that the present and the future will be just as good, if not better, than the old memories we are living in.

2. I’m learning that joy doesn’t necessarily mean the absence of sadness, and grief doesn’t necessarily imply the absence of joy. Though we often want to choose an either o r, life is not quite as binary as we make it out to be.

3. I’m realizing that being at peace with life doesn’t mean that everything is perfect, or that we don’t have any troubles or tribulations or low energy nagging at our hearts. Being at peace doesn’t mean that life is wonderful, or that we aren’t stressed, or facing anxiety. More so, being at peace means finding some form of “okayness” amidst all of the parts of life that are not (yet) “okay.” It means sitting amidst the chaos and making the conscious decision to remain calm. To be okay. Ultimately, finding peace means acknowledging the storm and coexisting with it, rather than sitting in the eye of the tornado.

4. It’s the hardest lesson in the world, but sometimes, the best thing we can do is let them go. Sometimes we have to say goodbye to someone good and wait patiently for someone better. 

5. Something odd about life is that the right choices don’t always feel right in our bodies. Sometimes, though difficult, we have to find the courage within us to pursue what we need, rather than what we want in the present. We have to take care of ourselves by honoring what we know is best for us in the long run. And oftentimes, in the present, it really does hurt a lot. The pain doesn’t mean the decision is wrong. Sometimes the best choices can leave us let down and hurt. But later on, we will be thankful.  

6. I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason. I don’t believe in fate. But I do believe that we can give meaning to some of our hardest most heartbreaking moments. We don’t need to build an identity that is rooted in our grief or in our trauma or pain, but if or when we want to, we can allow the healing process to bring out our best. We can grow new, fresh roots, and we can choose to define ourselves by how we rise back up again.

7. We can’t expect others to heal us – no one can love us so much that we automatically love ourselves. But maybe, when someone does love us, they can remind us what love feels like. They can help us to believe that we are loveable. And this can be the first step of loving ourselves – knowing that we deserve to be loved.

8. Grief is ugly and painful and devastating. Grief is dark swollen eyes and tear-stained cheeks. Grief hurts.  But we cannot deny the sheer beauty that grief holds. We cannot deny that grief is, in some ways, a gift. To grieve means that we are blessed enough to have loved and to have been loved by someone special – and this is remarkable. Grief means we are missing someone – someone who touched our lives in an irreplaceable way. And thus, I’d like to believe that the sadness and grief we endure when we lose someone close to us is simply the price we pay for loving them. And there’s something so dear and precious about this.

9. As hard as it is to hear, some people aren’t meant to stay in our lives forever. They are passerbys, like boats in the night. And though they may only stay for a short while, they stay safely in our hearts indefinitely.  Temporary people can leave permanent footprints.

10. Anxiety and overthinking do not change the situation. They only turn a gentle rain shower into a hurricane.

11. We can miss someone, but we can’t lose ourselves when we lose them. We can miss them, but we can’t let our lives be over when they are gone. Because we still have our lives to live. And we still have so much love left in us to give. 12. We don’t need a reason to have hope – we don’t need evidence or logic, as much as we think we do. We don’t even need to fully understand or grasp what hope is. We just have to find it in our hearts to believe that hope exists. We have to bravely decide to give in to hope, even when we can’t see it or touch it – even when we don’t know if it is there. When life is dark, we have to believe that there is something still worth living for around the corner. And this belief – this hope – this is what will help us move forward. 

13. It’s okay to find home in another person. It’s one of the sweetest, purest parts of life. But somewhere along the way, we must also find home within ourselves.

14. We know we are healing when we piece back together our broken parts and turn them into something greater than what we had before.

15. Perhaps, when someone doesn’t love us or doesn’t fight for us, it isn’t actually a reflection of us. Perhaps their inability to love us does not mean that we are unloveable, or hard to love. Maybe it means that they have been hurt one too many times before and that their walls are now built high of concrete and stone. Or maybe it means that they have been defeated by love one too many times – maybe love continues to let them down, time and time again. And maybe, even if they want to love us, they simply cannot. And we can keep trying and trying to knock down those walls. But perhaps when they don’t love us, the very best thing we can do is to hug them close, wish them the best, and then walk away.  Because even if they were special, we each deserve someone who is ready to let us in fully.

16. Most of the time, when we think we need closure from someone else, what we truly need is closure from ourselves – permission from ourselves to let things be. To accept the ending and to understand that it’s time to let the ending stay an ending. We must find the strength to seek peace and healing on our own. Healing is our responsibility, not the responsibility of the person who hurt us.

17. Sometimes growth is quiet and subtle and doesn’t look like growth. Sometimes growth is simply viewing a situation from a fresh perspective. Sometimes growth is trying something new, despite whether or not it ends up being a good experience. Sometimes growth just means making it through each day and noticing one small good thing about the world each night. Some seasons are for making leaps and bounds, while others are simply for surviving and just being. Both seasons are important. Both are needed. 

18. How do we know when we are healing? I think we know that we are coming close when we feel immense gratitude that something happened, rather than devastated by the fact that it ended. 

19. We don’t always need to find the silver lining. Sometimes really crappy, awful things happen, and there is much more bad than good in the world. Sometimes we go through devastating, heartbreaking experiences that don’t have a silver lining, and the idea of trying to find one only hurts us further. In these really rough moments, we don’t need to search for the light. But maybe, when we are ready, we can remind ourselves that there is still light in the world. Maybe there’s no shining light in our situation, but there is still goodness somewhere out there. And hopefully knowing this will help us make it to the other side

Perhaps the secret isn’t avoiding pain or numbing ourselves from pain, but rather, putting our energy into cultivating joy and peace. Perhaps when we value joy over pain, life becomes a little bit easier. 

Colleen George

“there can be magic in the messes” @apeaceofwerk

Keep up with Colleen on Instagram , Amazon and linktr.ee

More From Thought Catalog

How To Watch Bridgerton Season 1 And 2 Just For Colin And Penelope

Why ‘Shrek 2’ Is Way Better Than The Original

Watching ‘Bridgerton Season 3’ I Realized… I Am Penelope Featherington

The Most Scandalously Romantic ‘Bridgerton’ Moments In Season 3 and Prior That Captured “Obsessive Yearning”

How Crohn’s Disease Has Helped Me Better Understand Myself

You Are Not Alone In Your Crohn’s Journey

The Ivy Coach Daily

• College Admissions
• College Essays
• Early Decision / Early Action
• Extracurricular Activities
• Standardized Testing
• The Rankings

October 21, 2016

Life Lessons in College Essays

It’s important to have a life lesson in college essays, right? A great Personal Statement wouldn’t be compelling if it didn’t wrap up with a story about a life lesson learned, right? Maybe it’s about understanding the value of hard work. Maybe it’s about understanding the importance of perseverance and overcoming adversity in pursuit of your goals. Maybe it’s about realizing that all people are, in many ways, more alike than different. These are the kinds of life lessons that make for compelling storytelling not only in the Common Application’s Personal Statement but in the unique supplemental essays for the schools to which students apply, right?

One of these things doesn’t belong in college essays: a life lesson, great storytelling, and colloquial writing. Which one is it, you ask?

No, not right. But the regular readers of our college admissions blog know that the entire introductory paragraph above was one big setup. Life lessons have no place in college admissions essays to highly selective schools. Life lessons are cliche. You pulled your hamstring but nursed your way back from injury to compete in the 100 meter dash again? You may not have won but you tried your best? Cliche. You realized that the folks in Soweto, South Africa are just the same as you and your neighbors in Greenwich, Connecticut? Cliche. You learn about the importance of love and family from your wise grandfather? Cliche.

Life lessons have no place in college essays. Let’s say it again. Life lessons have no place in college essays. When admissions officers are reading hundreds upon hundreds of essays, how many come-from-behind races can they possibly enjoy? The answer is zero. “Full House” was a terrific television show on ABC. And its sequel “Fuller House” is a nice followup on Netflix. For those not familiar with “Full House,” Danny, Jesse, and Joey often imparted life lessons on D.J., Stephanie, Michelle at the end of each episode. But college admissions essays are not episodes of “Full House.” So leave the life lesson out and don’t think twice about it.

You are permitted to use www.ivycoach.com (including the content of the Blog) for your personal, non-commercial use only. You must not copy, download, print, or otherwise distribute the content on our site without the prior written consent of Ivy Coach, Inc.

Related Articles

What Are the Consequences of College Essay Plagiarism?

May 16, 2024

Using A.I. to Write College Admission Essays

October 13, 2023

Word and Character Limits in College Essays

September 27, 2023

What English Teachers Get Wrong About Writing College Essays

Bragging in College Essays: Is It Ever Okay?

September 26, 2023

What Not to Write: 3 College Essay Topics to Avoid

September 24, 2023

TOWARD THE CONQUEST OF ADMISSION

If you’re interested in Ivy Coach’s college counseling,
fill out our complimentary consultation form and we’ll be in touch.

Fill out our short form for a 20-minute consultation to learn about Ivy Coach’s services.

• Frequently Asked Questions
• Helpful Free Resources
• Happiness & Fun
• Healthy Habits
• Love & Relationships
• Mental Health
• Mindfulness & Peace
• Purpose & Passion
• Fun & Inspiring
• Submit a Post
• Books & Things
• Tiny Buddha’s Breaking Barriers to Self-Care

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” ~Albert Einstein

I recently turned thirty-eight.

Birthdays and new years always make me quite reflective and, for a long time, critical about my achievements—what I’ve done and what I have to show for it.

This time, though, there was finally a wonderful difference.

Over the past twelve months what’s mattered has been about the people I’ve met, the places I’ve seen, the experiences I’ve had, and the things I’ve discovered about myself—none of which have brought me anything physical to show for it.

I’ve learned character building life lessons, the kind that have changed my life forever and, to be honest, I wish I’d learned sooner. Perhaps these will help you too.

1. Being happy is not about what we achieve.

I had to start with this one, as someone who has spent so much of her life achieving, striving to achieve, and competing to win. The first half of my life I strived to ride for my country and compete in the Olympics, then to achieve in business, then academically, and always in relationships.

It doesn’t matter what I achieve. No job, promotion, money, relationship, house, highest mountain, or gold medal will ever change how I feel about myself.

Achievement is the icing on the cake, so it’s important to learn to like the cake that’s the sum of who we are first, so we have something to ice.

2. We are all doing our best.

I used to hold myself to the highest scrutinizing criticism and moral compass.

I was excellent at delivering self-punishment as judge, gaoler, and executioner for every small flaw, mistake, or underachievement.

However, I would forgive other people for every fallibility, choice, and indiscretion. I expected so little accountability or responsibility from other people and so much from myself.

I’ve learned to balance it out by being more lenient, forgiving, and loving toward myself and accepting that we’re all doing our best—and this rule applies to me too.

3. We have to know and respect our deal breakers.

Self-worth is an action, so I got clear about my relationship deal breakers. Sadly, I’ve let a lot of people throughout my life treat me with disrespect—lie, cheat, take liberties, bully, blame, shame, and even abuse. I didn’t stand for anything. I couldn’t say no.

Without no , my yes had no value.

Now my deal breakers are respect, honesty, and responsibility.

When we know our deal breakers, we don’t accept mistreatment because we know we’re worth more.

4. Other people’s actions aren’t about us.

When I was in my twenties, my ex fiancé cheated on me. For a long time I believed it was my fault, that it must have been something I did or didn’t do—that I wasn’t good enough .

I realize now that how any other adult chooses to behave is about them, not me. My ex felt there was a problem in the relationship, and in response, he chose to be the kind of person who lies and cheats.

We’re only responsible for our own actions, feelings, and words, which means the buck stops here, but this also frees us from wasting energy and time cleaning up other people’s messes.

5. We need to trust our intuition.

I’ve made many mistakes in my life because I didn’t trust my intuition , nature’s gift of survival, which helps us thrive.

I got involved with the wrong people, relationships, and jobs, ignoring that I knew they weren’t right for me from the start, and then paid the price by wasting time and energy trying to make them work.

Intuition can be as loud as someone shouting in your ear, and other times, it’s subtler.

When we slow down, take our time, allow it to get clearer, and listen, we save ourselves a whole lot of trouble.

6. All the studying in the world will never be enough.

I’ve spent years studying, seeking to understand people and the meaning of life, love, and the universe. I have letters after my name to prove it, and much of it was a waste of time.

Most things are just stepping-stones to somewhere else, often on a cyclical path back to what you knew already.

Knowledge is power, but experience in using it, applying it , seeing how it feels, and making mistakes trumps everything, because that’s wisdom.

Good old-fashioned hands on living and having the courage to get involved and experience makes you wise. Then you have a beautiful lesson to share.

7. Face the scary stuff.

I wasted so much time hiding from the boogie monster, the scary truth inside of me. I just had to be brave and come face to face with how I felt and what I desired.

I had to feel all that I had hidden, repressed, and buried instead of trying to unlock it all through my head with knowledge, or getting someone else to tell me what to do.

Only then was I free; I could I stop caring if other people approved of me or not and just love myself and know what matters to me.

We travel through life alone, and by becoming our own best friend we no longer have to fear being unloved.

8. Accept that life and people are inconsistent.

When I was little, like everyone, I was reliant on others and needed them to be consistent so I could feel safe in the world. Unfortunately, they weren’t, so I got stuck needing to please other people so they would take care of me, but I always felt let down and disappointed.

I was like a drowning young woman at sea, battered around by the force of the waves with nothing to hold onto, because I had nothing of substance to rely on.

Change is the only consistent thing there is. Accepting this empowers us to learn to depend on ourselves.

9. We can be our own best friends.

By facing the scary stuff, getting clear about my deal breakers, starting to trust my intuition, and forgiving myself, I began to like, love, and respect myself.

I turned my curiosity toward finding out about myself and what I actually like, enjoy, and don’t want. I became my own best friend and I’ve got my back if there’s a problem.

I came to know me, inside and out, and what matters to me, so I built a boat of substance and I’m no longer drowning. The world around me can be wild and changeable like the sea, but now I can ride out the waves without fear. The same can be true for you.

10. We are enough.

I never needed to strive to be anyone’s best friend, girlfriend, or wife by keeping a tidy house, cooking like a chef, and making wild passionate love every night, or by being a CEO, earning a fortune, or having a gold medal or a PhD.

It sounds exhausting just writing it, but that was how I used to live my life.

Yes, I sometimes do some cool, fun, interesting stuff; I am curious about the world and enjoying my life. But sometimes I can’t be bothered.

I like to slob around in my PJs watching old movies. I get morning breath and matted hair, but can scrub up well and attend the ballet.

I now know who I am, what makes me happy, and the value I can bring to any relationship or situation not because of what I do, but who I am.

We’re unique, priceless, and irreplaceable, and the sum of every experience.

Our greatest relationship is with ourselves, because it’s through that relationship that we learn how to truly love other people, including our children. And when we demonstrate how to love us, we can get the most joy out of our lives.

About Joanna Warwick

Jo Warwick is an energy healer and therapist. She teaches women that love starts with themselves and how to feel confident, look great, and trust in love once again. Visit her at jowarwick.com .

Did you enjoy this post? Please share the wisdom :)

Related posts:

Free Download: Buddha Desktop Wallpaper

Recent Forum Topics

• My GF keeps talking about her past sex life and I don’t know why it bothers me?
• “Frenemies” and the desire for true friendship
• My one shame, letting go of snooping
• Lonely Confused Depressed and reaching the end of my rope
• Not doing well
• What do I do now?
• I’m not sure if I made the right choice
• My moms cancer diagnosis

Fun & Inspiring

The Version They Had the Most Power Over

GET MORE FUN & INSPIRING IMAGES & VIDEOS .

Latest Posts

How to Stop Prioritizing Everyone and Everything Else at Your Own Expense

Rethinking Productivity: Less Hustle, More Harmony, More Energy

If You Haven’t Found Your Purpose: How to Feel Good Anyway

How to Start Saying No When You’re Afraid of Disapproval

How I Found the Good Within the Difficult

This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition.

Tiny Buddha, LLC may earn affiliate income from qualifying purchases, including from the Amazon Associate Program.

Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use .

Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking.

Who Runs Tiny Buddha?

Get More Tiny Buddha

•   Twitter
•   Facebook
•   Instagram
•   Youtube
•   RSS Feed

Credits & Copyright

• Back to Top

• Social Justice
• Environment
• Health & Happiness
• Get YES! Emails
• Teacher Resources

• Give A Gift Subscription
• Teaching Sustainability
• Teaching Social Justice
• Teaching Respect & Empathy
• Student Writing Lessons
• Visual Learning Lessons
• Tough Topics Discussion Guides
• About the YES! for Teachers Program
• Student Writing Contest

Follow YES! For Teachers

Eight brilliant student essays on what matters most in life.

Read winning essays from our spring 2019 student writing contest.

For the spring 2019 student writing contest, we invited students to read the YES! article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age” by Nancy Hill. Like the author, students interviewed someone significantly older than them about the three things that matter most in life. Students then wrote about what they learned, and about how their interviewees’ answers compare to their own top priorities.

The Winners

From the hundreds of essays written, these eight were chosen as winners. Be sure to read the author’s response to the essay winners and the literary gems that caught our eye. Plus, we share an essay from teacher Charles Sanderson, who also responded to the writing prompt.

Middle School Winner: Rory Leyva

High School Winner:  Praethong Klomsum

University Winner:  Emily Greenbaum

Powerful Voice Winner: Amanda Schwaben

Powerful Voice Winner: Antonia Mills

Powerful Voice Winner:  Isaac Ziemba

Powerful Voice Winner: Lily Hersch

“Tell It Like It Is” Interview Winner: Jonas Buckner

From the Author: Response to Student Winners

Literary Gems

From A Teacher: Charles Sanderson

From the Author: Response to Charles Sanderson

Middle School Winner

Village Home Education Resource Center, Portland, Ore.

The Lessons Of Mortality 

“As I’ve aged, things that are more personal to me have become somewhat less important. Perhaps I’ve become less self-centered with the awareness of mortality, how short one person’s life is.” This is how my 72-year-old grandma believes her values have changed over the course of her life. Even though I am only 12 years old, I know my life won’t last forever, and someday I, too, will reflect on my past decisions. We were all born to exist and eventually die, so we have evolved to value things in the context of mortality.

One of the ways I feel most alive is when I play roller derby. I started playing for the Rose City Rollers Juniors two years ago, and this year, I made the Rosebud All-Stars travel team. Roller derby is a fast-paced, full-contact sport. The physicality and intense training make me feel in control of and present in my body.

My roller derby team is like a second family to me. Adolescence is complicated. We understand each other in ways no one else can. I love my friends more than I love almost anything else. My family would have been higher on my list a few years ago, but as I’ve aged it has been important to make my own social connections.

Music led me to roller derby.  I started out jam skating at the roller rink. Jam skating is all about feeling the music. It integrates gymnastics, breakdancing, figure skating, and modern dance with R & B and hip hop music. When I was younger, I once lay down in the DJ booth at the roller rink and was lulled to sleep by the drawl of wheels rolling in rhythm and people talking about the things they came there to escape. Sometimes, I go up on the roof of my house at night to listen to music and feel the wind rustle my hair. These unique sensations make me feel safe like nothing else ever has.

My grandma tells me, “Being close with family and friends is the most important thing because I haven’t

always had that.” When my grandma was two years old, her father died. Her mother became depressed and moved around a lot, which made it hard for my grandma to make friends. Once my grandma went to college, she made lots of friends. She met my grandfather, Joaquin Leyva when she was working as a park ranger and he was a surfer. They bought two acres of land on the edge of a redwood forest and had a son and a daughter. My grandma created a stable family that was missing throughout her early life.

My grandma is motivated to maintain good health so she can be there for her family. I can relate because I have to be fit and strong for my team. Since she lost my grandfather to cancer, she realizes how lucky she is to have a functional body and no life-threatening illnesses. My grandma tries to eat well and exercise, but she still struggles with depression. Over time, she has learned that reaching out to others is essential to her emotional wellbeing.  

Caring for the earth is also a priority for my grandma I’ve been lucky to learn from my grandma. She’s taught me how to hunt for fossils in the desert and find shells on the beach. Although my grandma grew up with no access to the wilderness, she admired the green open areas of urban cemeteries. In college, she studied geology and hiked in the High Sierras. For years, she’s been an advocate for conserving wildlife habitat and open spaces.

Our priorities may seem different, but it all comes down to basic human needs. We all desire a purpose, strive to be happy, and need to be loved. Like Nancy Hill says in the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” it can be hard to decipher what is important in life. I believe that the constant search for satisfaction and meaning is the only thing everyone has in common. We all want to know what matters, and we walk around this confusing world trying to find it. The lessons I’ve learned from my grandma about forging connections, caring for my body, and getting out in the world inspire me to live my life my way before it’s gone.

Rory Leyva is a seventh-grader from Portland, Oregon. Rory skates for the Rosebuds All-Stars roller derby team. She loves listening to music and hanging out with her friends.

High School Winner

Praethong Klomsum

  Santa Monica High School, Santa Monica, Calif.

Time Only Moves Forward

Sandra Hernandez gazed at the tiny house while her mother’s gentle hands caressed her shoulders. It wasn’t much, especially for a family of five. This was 1960, she was 17, and her family had just moved to Culver City.

Flash forward to 2019. Sandra sits in a rocking chair, knitting a blanket for her latest grandchild, in the same living room. Sandra remembers working hard to feed her eight children. She took many different jobs before settling behind the cash register at a Japanese restaurant called Magos. “It was a struggle, and my husband Augustine, was planning to join the military at that time, too.”

In the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” author Nancy Hill states that one of the most important things is “…connecting with others in general, but in particular with those who have lived long lives.” Sandra feels similarly. It’s been hard for Sandra to keep in contact with her family, which leaves her downhearted some days. “It’s important to maintain that connection you have with your family, not just next-door neighbors you talk to once a month.”

Despite her age, Sandra is a daring woman. Taking risks is important to her, and she’ll try anything—from skydiving to hiking. Sandra has some regrets from the past, but nowadays, she doesn’t wonder about the “would have, could have, should haves.” She just goes for it with a smile.

Sandra thought harder about her last important thing, the blue and green blanket now finished and covering

her lap. “I’ve definitely lived a longer life than most, and maybe this is just wishful thinking, but I hope I can see the day my great-grandchildren are born.” She’s laughing, but her eyes look beyond what’s in front of her. Maybe she is reminiscing about the day she held her son for the first time or thinking of her grandchildren becoming parents. I thank her for her time and she waves it off, offering me a styrofoam cup of lemonade before I head for the bus station.

The bus is sparsely filled. A voice in my head reminds me to finish my 10-page history research paper before spring break. I take a window seat and pull out my phone and earbuds. My playlist is already on shuffle, and I push away thoughts of that dreaded paper. Music has been a constant in my life—from singing my lungs out in kindergarten to Barbie’s “I Need To Know,” to jamming out to Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” in sixth grade, to BTS’s “Intro: Never Mind” comforting me when I’m at my lowest. Music is my magic shop, a place where I can trade away my fears for calm.

I’ve always been afraid of doing something wrong—not finishing my homework or getting a C when I can do better. When I was 8, I wanted to be like the big kids. As I got older, I realized that I had exchanged my childhood longing for the 48 pack of crayons for bigger problems, balancing grades, a social life, and mental stability—all at once. I’m going to get older whether I like it or not, so there’s no point forcing myself to grow up faster.  I’m learning to live in the moment.

The bus is approaching my apartment, where I know my comfy bed and a home-cooked meal from my mom are waiting. My mom is hard-working, confident, and very stubborn. I admire her strength of character. She always keeps me in line, even through my rebellious phases.

My best friend sends me a text—an update on how broken her laptop is. She is annoying. She says the stupidest things and loves to state the obvious. Despite this, she never fails to make me laugh until my cheeks feel numb. The rest of my friends are like that too—loud, talkative, and always brightening my day. Even friends I stopped talking to have a place in my heart. Recently, I’ve tried to reconnect with some of them. This interview was possible because a close friend from sixth grade offered to introduce me to Sandra, her grandmother.  

I’m decades younger than Sandra, so my view of what’s important isn’t as broad as hers, but we share similar values, with friends and family at the top. I have a feeling that when Sandra was my age, she used to love music, too. Maybe in a few decades, when I’m sitting in my rocking chair, drawing in my sketchbook, I’ll remember this article and think back fondly to the days when life was simple.

Praethong Klomsum is a tenth-grader at Santa Monica High School in Santa Monica, California.  Praethong has a strange affinity for rhyme games and is involved in her school’s dance team. She enjoys drawing and writing, hoping to impact people willing to listen to her thoughts and ideas.

University Winner

Emily Greenbaum

Kent State University, Kent, Ohio 

The Life-Long War

Every morning we open our eyes, ready for a new day. Some immediately turn to their phones and social media. Others work out or do yoga. For a certain person, a deep breath and the morning sun ground him. He hears the clink-clank of his wife cooking low sodium meat for breakfast—doctor’s orders! He sees that the other side of the bed is already made, the dogs are no longer in the room, and his clothes are set out nicely on the loveseat.

Today, though, this man wakes up to something different: faded cream walls and jello. This person, my hero, is Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James.

I pulled up my chair close to Roger’s vinyl recliner so I could hear him above the noise of the beeping dialysis machine. I noticed Roger would occasionally glance at his wife Susan with sparkly eyes when he would recall memories of the war or their grandkids. He looked at Susan like she walked on water.

Roger James served his country for thirty years. Now, he has enlisted in another type of war. He suffers from a rare blood cancer—the result of the wars he fought in. Roger has good and bad days. He says, “The good outweighs the bad, so I have to be grateful for what I have on those good days.”

When Roger retired, he never thought the effects of the war would reach him. The once shallow wrinkles upon his face become deeper, as he tells me, “It’s just cancer. Others are suffering from far worse. I know I’ll make it.”

Like Nancy Hill did in her article “Three Things that Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I asked Roger, “What are the three most important things to you?” James answered, “My wife Susan, my grandkids, and church.”

Roger and Susan served together in the Vietnam war. She was a nurse who treated his cuts and scrapes one day. I asked Roger why he chose Susan. He said, “Susan told me to look at her while she cleaned me up. ‘This may sting, but don’t be a baby.’ When I looked into her eyes, I felt like she was looking into my soul, and I didn’t want her to leave. She gave me this sense of home. Every day I wake up, she makes me feel the same way, and I fall in love with her all over again.”

Roger and Susan have two kids and four grandkids, with great-grandchildren on the way. He claims that his grandkids give him the youth that he feels slowly escaping from his body. This adoring grandfather is energized by coaching t-ball and playing evening card games with the grandkids.

The last thing on his list was church. His oldest daughter married a pastor. Together they founded a church. Roger said that the connection between his faith and family is important to him because it gave him a reason to want to live again. I learned from Roger that when you’re across the ocean, you tend to lose sight of why you are fighting. When Roger returned, he didn’t have the will to live. Most days were a struggle, adapting back into a society that lacked empathy for the injuries, pain, and psychological trauma carried by returning soldiers. Church changed that for Roger and gave him a sense of purpose.

When I began this project, my attitude was to just get the assignment done. I never thought I could view Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James as more than a role model, but he definitely changed my mind. It’s as if Roger magically lit a fire inside of me and showed me where one’s true passions should lie. I see our similarities and embrace our differences. We both value family and our own connections to home—his home being church and mine being where I can breathe the easiest.

Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James has shown me how to appreciate what I have around me and that every once in a while, I should step back and stop to smell the roses. As we concluded the interview, amidst squeaky clogs and the stale smell of bleach and bedpans, I looked to Roger, his kind, tired eyes, and weathered skin, with a deeper sense of admiration, knowing that his values still run true, no matter what he faces.

Emily Greenbaum is a senior at Kent State University, graduating with a major in Conflict Management and minor in Geography. Emily hopes to use her major to facilitate better conversations, while she works in the Washington, D.C. area.  

Powerful Voice Winner

Amanda Schwaben

Wise Words From Winnie the Pooh

As I read through Nancy Hill’s article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I was comforted by the similar responses given by both children and older adults. The emphasis participants placed on family, social connections, and love was not only heartwarming but hopeful. While the messages in the article filled me with warmth, I felt a twinge of guilt building within me. As a twenty-one-year-old college student weeks from graduation, I honestly don’t think much about the most important things in life. But if I was asked, I would most likely say family, friendship, and love. As much as I hate to admit it, I often find myself obsessing over achieving a successful career and finding a way to “save the world.”

A few weeks ago, I was at my family home watching the new Winnie the Pooh movie Christopher Robin with my mom and younger sister. Well, I wasn’t really watching. I had my laptop in front of me, and I was aggressively typing up an assignment. Halfway through the movie, I realized I left my laptop charger in my car. I walked outside into the brisk March air. Instinctively, I looked up. The sky was perfectly clear, revealing a beautiful array of stars. When my twin sister and I were in high school, we would always take a moment to look up at the sparkling night sky before we came into the house after soccer practice.

I think that was the last time I stood in my driveway and gazed at the stars. I did not get the laptop charger from

my car; instead, I turned around and went back inside. I shut my laptop and watched the rest of the movie. My twin sister loves Winnie the Pooh. So much so that my parents got her a stuffed animal version of him for Christmas. While I thought he was adorable and a token of my childhood, I did not really understand her obsession. However, it was clear to me after watching the movie. Winnie the Pooh certainly had it figured out. He believed that the simple things in life were the most important: love, friendship, and having fun.

I thought about asking my mom right then what the three most important things were to her, but I decided not to. I just wanted to be in the moment. I didn’t want to be doing homework. It was a beautiful thing to just sit there and be present with my mom and sister.

I did ask her, though, a couple of weeks later. Her response was simple.  All she said was family, health, and happiness. When she told me this, I imagined Winnie the Pooh smiling. I think he would be proud of that answer.

I was not surprised by my mom’s reply. It suited her perfectly. I wonder if we relearn what is most important when we grow older—that the pressure to be successful subsides. Could it be that valuing family, health, and happiness is what ends up saving the world?

Amanda Schwaben is a graduating senior from Kent State University with a major in Applied Conflict Management. Amanda also has minors in Psychology and Interpersonal Communication. She hopes to further her education and focus on how museums not only preserve history but also promote peace.

Antonia Mills

Rachel Carson High School, Brooklyn, N.Y. 

Decoding The Butterfly

For a caterpillar to become a butterfly, it must first digest itself. The caterpillar, overwhelmed by accumulating tissue, splits its skin open to form its protective shell, the chrysalis, and later becomes the pretty butterfly we all know and love. There are approximately 20,000 species of butterflies, and just as every species is different, so is the life of every butterfly. No matter how long and hard a caterpillar has strived to become the colorful and vibrant butterfly that we marvel at on a warm spring day, it does not live a long life. A butterfly can live for a year, six months, two weeks, and even as little as twenty-four hours.

I have often wondered if butterflies live long enough to be blissful of blue skies. Do they take time to feast upon the sweet nectar they crave, midst their hustling life of pollinating pretty flowers? Do they ever take a lull in their itineraries, or are they always rushing towards completing their four-stage metamorphosis? Has anyone asked the butterfly, “Who are you?” instead of “What are you”? Or, How did you get here, on my windowsill?  How did you become ‘you’?

Humans are similar to butterflies. As a caterpillar

Suzanna Ruby/Getty Images

becomes a butterfly, a baby becomes an elder. As a butterfly soars through summer skies, an elder watches summer skies turn into cold winter nights and back toward summer skies yet again.  And as a butterfly flits slowly by the porch light, a passerby makes assumptions about the wrinkled, slow-moving elder, who is sturdier than he appears. These creatures are not seen for who they are—who they were—because people have “better things to do” or they are too busy to ask, “How are you”?

Our world can be a lonely place. Pressured by expectations, haunted by dreams, overpowered by weakness, and drowned out by lofty goals, we tend to forget ourselves—and others. Rather than hang onto the strands of our diminishing sanity, we might benefit from listening to our elders. Many elders have experienced setbacks in their young lives. Overcoming hardship and surviving to old age is wisdom that they carry.  We can learn from them—and can even make their day by taking the time to hear their stories.  

Nancy Hill, who wrote the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” was right: “We live among such remarkable people, yet few know their stories.” I know a lot about my grandmother’s life, and it isn’t as serene as my own. My grandmother, Liza, who cooks every day, bakes bread on holidays for our neighbors, brings gifts to her doctor out of the kindness of her heart, and makes conversation with neighbors even though she is isn’t fluent in English—Russian is her first language—has struggled all her life. Her mother, Anna, a single parent, had tuberculosis, and even though she had an inviolable spirit, she was too frail to care for four children. She passed away when my grandmother was sixteen, so my grandmother and her siblings spent most of their childhood in an orphanage. My grandmother got married at nineteen to my grandfather, Pinhas. He was a man who loved her more than he loved himself and was a godsend to every person he met. Liza was—and still is—always quick to do what was best for others, even if that person treated her poorly. My grandmother has lived with physical pain all her life, yet she pushed herself to climb heights that she wasn’t ready for. Against all odds, she has lived to tell her story to people who are willing to listen. And I always am.

I asked my grandmother, “What are three things most important to you?” Her answer was one that I already expected: One, for everyone to live long healthy lives. Two, for you to graduate from college. Three, for you to always remember that I love you.

What may be basic to you means the world to my grandmother. She just wants what she never had the chance to experience: a healthy life, an education, and the chance to express love to the people she values. The three things that matter most to her may be so simple and ordinary to outsiders, but to her, it is so much more. And who could take that away?

Antonia Mills was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York and attends Rachel Carson High School.  Antonia enjoys creative activities, including writing, painting, reading, and baking. She hopes to pursue culinary arts professionally in the future. One of her favorite quotes is, “When you start seeing your worth, you’ll find it harder to stay around people who don’t.” -Emily S.P.  

  Powerful Voice Winner

   Isaac Ziemba

Odyssey Multiage Program, Bainbridge Island, Wash. 

This Former State Trooper Has His Priorities Straight: Family, Climate Change, and Integrity

I have a personal connection to people who served in the military and first responders. My uncle is a first responder on the island I live on, and my dad retired from the Navy. That was what made a man named Glen Tyrell, a state trooper for 25 years, 2 months and 9 days, my first choice to interview about what three things matter in life. In the YES! Magazine article “The Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I learned that old and young people have a great deal in common. I know that’s true because Glen and I care about a lot of the same things.

For Glen, family is at the top of his list of important things. “My wife was, and is, always there for me. My daughters mean the world to me, too, but Penny is my partner,” Glen said. I can understand why Glen’s wife is so important to him. She’s family. Family will always be there for you.

Glen loves his family, and so do I with all my heart. My dad especially means the world to me. He is my top supporter and tells me that if I need help, just “say the word.” When we are fishing or crabbing, sometimes I

think, what if these times were erased from my memory? I wouldn’t be able to describe the horrible feeling that would rush through my mind, and I’m sure that Glen would feel the same about his wife.

My uncle once told me that the world is always going to change over time. It’s what the world has turned out to be that worries me. Both Glen and I are extremely concerned about climate change and the effect that rising temperatures have on animals and their habitats. We’re driving them to extinction. Some people might say, “So what? Animals don’t pay taxes or do any of the things we do.” What we are doing to them is like the Black Death times 100.

Glen is also frustrated by how much plastic we use and where it ends up. He would be shocked that an explorer recently dived to the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean—seven miles!— and discovered a plastic bag and candy wrappers. Glen told me that, unfortunately, his generation did the damage and my generation is here to fix it. We need to take better care of Earth because if we don’t, we, as a species, will have failed.

Both Glen and I care deeply for our families and the earth, but for our third important value, I chose education and Glen chose integrity. My education is super important to me because without it, I would be a blank slate. I wouldn’t know how to figure out problems. I wouldn’t be able to tell right from wrong. I wouldn’t understand the Bill of Rights. I would be stuck. Everyone should be able to go to school, no matter where they’re from or who they are.  It makes me angry and sad to think that some people, especially girls, get shot because they are trying to go to school. I understand how lucky I am.

Integrity is sacred to Glen—I could tell by the serious tone of Glen’s voice when he told me that integrity was the code he lived by as a former state trooper. He knew that he had the power to change a person’s life, and he was committed to not abusing that power.  When Glen put someone under arrest—and my uncle says the same—his judgment and integrity were paramount. “Either you’re right or you’re wrong.” You can’t judge a person by what you think, you can only judge a person from what you know.”

I learned many things about Glen and what’s important in life, but there is one thing that stands out—something Glen always does and does well. Glen helps people. He did it as a state trooper, and he does it in our school, where he works on construction projects. Glen told me that he believes that our most powerful tools are writing and listening to others. I think those tools are important, too, but I also believe there are other tools to help solve many of our problems and create a better future: to be compassionate, to create caring relationships, and to help others. Just like Glen Tyrell does each and every day.

Isaac Ziemba is in seventh grade at the Odyssey Multiage Program on a small island called Bainbridge near Seattle, Washington. Isaac’s favorite subject in school is history because he has always been interested in how the past affects the future. In his spare time, you can find Isaac hunting for crab with his Dad, looking for artifacts around his house with his metal detector, and having fun with his younger cousin, Conner.     

Lily Hersch

 The Crest Academy, Salida, Colo.

The Phone Call

Dear Grandpa,

In my short span of life—12 years so far—you’ve taught me a lot of important life lessons that I’ll always have with me. Some of the values I talk about in this writing I’ve learned from you.

Dedicated to my Gramps.

In the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” author and photographer Nancy Hill asked people to name the three things that mattered most to them. After reading the essay prompt for the article, I immediately knew who I wanted to interview: my grandpa Gil.      

My grandpa was born on January 25, 1942. He lived in a minuscule tenement in The Bronx with his mother,

father, and brother. His father wasn’t around much, and, when he was, he was reticent and would snap occasionally, revealing his constrained mental pain. My grandpa says this happened because my great grandfather did not have a father figure in his life. His mother was a classy, sharp lady who was the head secretary at a local police district station. My grandpa and his brother Larry did not care for each other. Gramps said he was very close to his mother, and Larry wasn’t. Perhaps Larry was envious for what he didn’t have.

Decades after little to no communication with his brother, my grandpa decided to spontaneously visit him in Florida, where he resided with his wife. Larry was taken aback at the sudden reappearance of his brother and told him to leave. Since then, the two brothers have not been in contact. My grandpa doesn’t even know if Larry is alive.         

My grandpa is now a retired lawyer, married to my wonderful grandma, and living in a pretty house with an ugly dog named BoBo.

So, what’s important to you, Gramps?

He paused a second, then replied, “Family, kindness, and empathy.”

“Family, because it’s my family. It’s important to stay connected with your family. My brother, father, and I never connected in the way I wished, and sometimes I contemplated what could’ve happened.  But you can’t change the past. So, that’s why family’s important to me.”

Family will always be on my “Top Three Most Important Things” list, too. I can’t imagine not having my older brother, Zeke, or my grandma in my life. I wonder how other kids feel about their families? How do kids trapped and separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border feel?  What about orphans? Too many questions, too few answers.

“Kindness, because growing up and not seeing a lot of kindness made me realize how important it is to have that in the world. Kindness makes the world go round.”

What is kindness? Helping my brother, Eli, who has Down syndrome, get ready in the morning? Telling people what they need to hear, rather than what they want to hear? Maybe, for now, I’ll put wisdom, not kindness, on my list.

“Empathy, because of all the killings and shootings [in this country.] We also need to care for people—people who are not living in as good circumstances as I have. Donald Trump and other people I’ve met have no empathy. Empathy is very important.”

Empathy is something I’ve felt my whole life. It’ll always be important to me like it is important to my grandpa. My grandpa shows his empathy when he works with disabled children. Once he took a disabled child to a Christina Aguilera concert because that child was too young to go by himself. The moments I feel the most empathy are when Eli gets those looks from people. Seeing Eli wonder why people stare at him like he’s a freak makes me sad, and annoyed that they have the audacity to stare.

After this 2 minute and 36-second phone call, my grandpa has helped me define what’s most important to me at this time in my life: family, wisdom, and empathy. Although these things are important now, I realize they can change and most likely will.

When I’m an old woman, I envision myself scrambling through a stack of storage boxes and finding this paper. Perhaps after reading words from my 12-year-old self, I’ll ask myself “What’s important to me?”

Lily Hersch is a sixth-grader at Crest Academy in Salida, Colorado. Lily is an avid indoorsman, finding joy in competitive spelling, art, and of course, writing. She does not like Swiss cheese.

  “Tell It Like It Is” Interview Winner

Jonas Buckner

KIPP: Gaston College Preparatory, Gaston, N.C.

Lessons My Nana Taught Me

I walked into the house. In the other room, I heard my cousin screaming at his game. There were a lot of Pioneer Woman dishes everywhere. The room had the television on max volume. The fan in the other room was on. I didn’t know it yet, but I was about to learn something powerful.

I was in my Nana’s house, and when I walked in, she said, “Hey Monkey Butt.”

I said, “Hey Nana.”

Before the interview, I was talking to her about what I was gonna interview her on. Also, I had asked her why I might have wanted to interview her, and she responded with, “Because you love me, and I love you too.”

Now, it was time to start the interview. The first

question I asked was the main and most important question ever: “What three things matter most to you and you only?”

She thought of it very thoughtfully and responded with, “My grandchildren, my children, and my health.”

Then, I said, “OK, can you please tell me more about your health?”

She responded with, “My health is bad right now. I have heart problems, blood sugar, and that’s about it.” When she said it, she looked at me and smiled because she loved me and was happy I chose her to interview.

I replied with, “K um, why is it important to you?”

She smiled and said, “Why is it…Why is my health important? Well, because I want to live a long time and see my grandchildren grow up.”

I was scared when she said that, but she still smiled. I was so happy, and then I said, “Has your health always been important to you.”

She responded with “Nah.”

Then, I asked, “Do you happen to have a story to help me understand your reasoning?”

She said, “No, not really.”

Now we were getting into the next set of questions. I said, “Remember how you said that your grandchildren matter to you? Can you please tell me why they matter to you?”

Then, she responded with, “So I can spend time with them, play with them, and everything.”

Next, I asked the same question I did before: “Have you always loved your grandchildren?” 

She responded with, “Yes, they have always been important to me.”

Then, the next two questions I asked she had no response to at all. She was very happy until I asked, “Why do your children matter most to you?”

She had a frown on and responded, “My daughter Tammy died a long time ago.”

Then, at this point, the other questions were answered the same as the other ones. When I left to go home I was thinking about how her answers were similar to mine. She said health, and I care about my health a lot, and I didn’t say, but I wanted to. She also didn’t have answers for the last two questions on each thing, and I was like that too.

The lesson I learned was that no matter what, always keep pushing because even though my aunt or my Nana’s daughter died, she kept on pushing and loving everyone. I also learned that everything should matter to us. Once again, I chose to interview my Nana because she matters to me, and I know when she was younger she had a lot of things happen to her, so I wanted to know what she would say. The point I’m trying to make is that be grateful for what you have and what you have done in life.

Jonas Buckner is a sixth-grader at KIPP: Gaston College Preparatory in Gaston, North Carolina. Jonas’ favorite activities are drawing, writing, math, piano, and playing AltSpace VR. He found his passion for writing in fourth grade when he wrote a quick autobiography. Jonas hopes to become a horror writer someday.

From The Author: Responses to Student Winners

Dear Emily, Isaac, Antonia, Rory, Praethong, Amanda, Lily, and Jonas,

Your thought-provoking essays sent my head spinning. The more I read, the more impressed I was with the depth of thought, beauty of expression, and originality. It left me wondering just how to capture all of my reactions in a single letter. After multiple false starts, I’ve landed on this: I will stick to the theme of three most important things.

The three things I found most inspirational about your essays:

You listened.

You connected.

We live in troubled times. Tensions mount between countries, cultures, genders, religious beliefs, and generations. If we fail to find a way to understand each other, to see similarities between us, the future will be fraught with increased hostility.

You all took critical steps toward connecting with someone who might not value the same things you do by asking a person who is generations older than you what matters to them. Then, you listened to their answers. You saw connections between what is important to them and what is important to you. Many of you noted similarities, others wondered if your own list of the three most important things would change as you go through life. You all saw the validity of the responses you received and looked for reasons why your interviewees have come to value what they have.

It is through these things—asking, listening, and connecting—that we can begin to bridge the differences in experiences and beliefs that are currently dividing us.

Individual observations

Each one of you made observations that all of us, regardless of age or experience, would do well to keep in mind. I chose one quote from each person and trust those reading your essays will discover more valuable insights.

“Our priorities may seem different, but they come back to basic human needs. We all desire a purpose, strive to be happy, and work to make a positive impact.” 

“You can’t judge a person by what you think , you can only judge a person by what you know .”

Emily (referencing your interviewee, who is battling cancer):

“Master Chief Petty Officer James has shown me how to appreciate what I have around me.”

Lily (quoting your grandfather):

“Kindness makes the world go round.”

“Everything should matter to us.”

Praethong (quoting your interviewee, Sandra, on the importance of family):

“It’s important to always maintain that connection you have with each other, your family, not just next-door neighbors you talk to once a month.”

“I wonder if maybe we relearn what is most important when we grow older. That the pressure to be successful subsides and that valuing family, health, and happiness is what ends up saving the world.”

“Listen to what others have to say. Listen to the people who have already experienced hardship. You will learn from them and you can even make their day by giving them a chance to voice their thoughts.”

I end this letter to you with the hope that you never stop asking others what is most important to them and that you to continue to take time to reflect on what matters most to you…and why. May you never stop asking, listening, and connecting with others, especially those who may seem to be unlike you. Keep writing, and keep sharing your thoughts and observations with others, for your ideas are awe-inspiring.

I also want to thank the more than 1,000 students who submitted essays. Together, by sharing what’s important to us with others, especially those who may believe or act differently, we can fill the world with joy, peace, beauty, and love.

We received many outstanding essays for the Winter 2019 Student Writing Competition. Though not every participant can win the contest, we’d like to share some excerpts that caught our eye:

Whether it is a painting on a milky canvas with watercolors or pasting photos onto a scrapbook with her granddaughters, it is always a piece of artwork to her. She values the things in life that keep her in the moment, while still exploring things she may not have initially thought would bring her joy.

—Ondine Grant-Krasno, Immaculate Heart Middle School, Los Angeles, Calif.

“Ganas”… It means “desire” in Spanish. My ganas is fueled by my family’s belief in me. I cannot and will not fail them. 

—Adan Rios, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

I hope when I grow up I can have the love for my kids like my grandma has for her kids. She makes being a mother even more of a beautiful thing than it already is.

—Ashley Shaw, Columbus City Prep School for Girls, Grove City, Ohio

You become a collage of little pieces of your friends and family. They also encourage you to be the best you can be. They lift you up onto the seat of your bike, they give you the first push, and they don’t hesitate to remind you that everything will be alright when you fall off and scrape your knee.

— Cecilia Stanton, Bellafonte Area Middle School, Bellafonte, Pa.

Without good friends, I wouldn’t know what I would do to endure the brutal machine of public education.

—Kenneth Jenkins, Garrison Middle School, Walla Walla, Wash.

My dog, as ridiculous as it may seem, is a beautiful example of what we all should aspire to be. We should live in the moment, not stress, and make it our goal to lift someone’s spirits, even just a little.

—Kate Garland, Immaculate Heart Middle School, Los Angeles, Calif. 

I strongly hope that every child can spare more time to accompany their elderly parents when they are struggling, and moving forward, and give them more care and patience. so as to truly achieve the goal of “you accompany me to grow up, and I will accompany you to grow old.”

—Taiyi Li, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

I have three cats, and they are my brothers and sisters. We share a special bond that I think would not be possible if they were human. Since they do not speak English, we have to find other ways to connect, and I think that those other ways can be more powerful than language.

—Maya Dombroskie, Delta Program Middle School, Boulsburg, Pa.

We are made to love and be loved. To have joy and be relational. As a member of the loneliest generation in possibly all of history, I feel keenly aware of the need for relationships and authentic connection. That is why I decided to talk to my grandmother.

—Luke Steinkamp, Kent State University, Kent, Ohio

After interviewing my grandma and writing my paper, I realized that as we grow older, the things that are important to us don’t change, what changes is why those things are important to us.

—Emily Giffer, Our Lady Star of the Sea, Grosse Pointe Woods, Mich.

The media works to marginalize elders, often isolating them and their stories, and the wealth of knowledge that comes with their additional years of lived experiences. It also undermines the depth of children’s curiosity and capacity to learn and understand. When the worlds of elders and children collide, a classroom opens.

—Cristina Reitano, City College of San Francisco, San Francisco, Calif.

My values, although similar to my dad, only looked the same in the sense that a shadow is similar to the object it was cast on.

—Timofey Lisenskiy, Santa Monica High School, Santa Monica, Calif.

I can release my anger through writing without having to take it out on someone. I can escape and be a different person; it feels good not to be myself for a while. I can make up my own characters, so I can be someone different every day, and I think that’s pretty cool.

—Jasua Carillo, Wellness, Business, and Sports School, Woodburn, Ore. 

Notice how all the important things in his life are people: the people who he loves and who love him back. This is because “people are more important than things like money or possessions, and families are treasures,” says grandpa Pat. And I couldn’t agree more.

—Brody Hartley, Garrison Middle School, Walla Walla, Wash.  

Curiosity for other people’s stories could be what is needed to save the world.

—Noah Smith, Kent State University, Kent, Ohio

Peace to me is a calm lake without a ripple in sight. It’s a starry night with a gentle breeze that pillows upon your face. It’s the absence of arguments, fighting, or war. It’s when egos stop working against each other and finally begin working with each other. Peace is free from fear, anxiety, and depression. To me, peace is an important ingredient in the recipe of life.

—JP Bogan, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

From A Teacher

Charles Sanderson

Wellness, Business and Sports School, Woodburn, Ore. 

The Birthday Gift

I’ve known Jodelle for years, watching her grow from a quiet and timid twelve-year-old to a young woman who just returned from India, where she played Kabaddi, a kind of rugby meets Red Rover.

One of my core beliefs as an educator is to show up for the things that matter to kids, so I go to their games, watch their plays, and eat the strawberry jam they make for the county fair. On this occasion, I met Jodelle at a robotics competition to watch her little sister Abby compete. Think Nerd Paradise: more hats made from traffic cones than Golden State Warrior ball caps, more unicorn capes than Nike swooshes, more fanny packs with Legos than clutches with eyeliner.

We started chatting as the crowd chanted and waved six-foot flags for teams like Mystic Biscuits, Shrek, and everyone’s nemesis The Mean Machine. Apparently, when it’s time for lunch at a robotics competition, they don’t mess around. The once-packed gym was left to Jodelle and me, and we kept talking and talking. I eventually asked her about the three things that matter to her most.

She told me about her mom, her sister, and her addiction—to horses. I’ve read enough of her writing to know that horses were her drug of choice and her mom and sister were her support network.

I learned about her desire to become a teacher and how hours at the barn with her horse, Heart, recharge her when she’s exhausted. At one point, our rambling conversation turned to a topic I’ve known far too well—her father.

Later that evening, I received an email from Jodelle, and she had a lot to say. One line really struck me: “In so many movies, I have seen a dad wanting to protect his daughter from the world, but I’ve only understood the scene cognitively. Yesterday, I felt it.”

Long ago, I decided that I would never be a dad. I had seen movies with fathers and daughters, and for me, those movies might as well have been Star Wars, ET, or Alien—worlds filled with creatures I’d never know. However, over the years, I’ve attended Jodelle’s parent-teacher conferences, gone to her graduation, and driven hours to watch her ride Heart at horse shows. Simply, I showed up. I listened. I supported.

Jodelle shared a series of dad poems, as well. I had read the first two poems in their original form when Jodelle was my student. The revised versions revealed new graphic details of her past. The third poem, however, was something entirely different.

She called the poems my early birthday present. When I read the lines “You are my father figure/Who I look up to/Without being looked down on,” I froze for an instant and had to reread the lines. After fifty years of consciously deciding not to be a dad, I was seen as one—and it felt incredible. Jodelle’s poem and recognition were two of the best presents I’ve ever received.

I  know that I was the language arts teacher that Jodelle needed at the time, but her poem revealed things I never knew I taught her: “My father figure/ Who taught me/ That listening is for observing the world/ That listening is for learning/Not obeying/Writing is for connecting/Healing with others.”

Teaching is often a thankless job, one that frequently brings more stress and anxiety than joy and hope. Stress erodes my patience. Anxiety curtails my ability to enter each interaction with every student with the grace they deserve. However, my time with Jodelle reminds me of the importance of leaning in and listening.

In the article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age” by Nancy Hill, she illuminates how we “live among such remarkable people, yet few know their stories.” For the last twenty years, I’ve had the privilege to work with countless of these “remarkable people,” and I’ve done my best to listen, and, in so doing, I hope my students will realize what I’ve known for a long time; their voices matter and deserve to be heard, but the voices of their tias and abuelitos and babushkas are equally important. When we take the time to listen, I believe we do more than affirm the humanity of others; we affirm our own as well.

Charles Sanderson has grounded his nineteen-year teaching career in a philosophy he describes as “Mirror, Window, Bridge.” Charles seeks to ensure all students see themselves, see others, and begin to learn the skills to build bridges of empathy, affinity, and understanding between communities and cultures that may seem vastly different. He proudly teaches at the Wellness, Business and Sports School in Woodburn, Oregon, a school and community that brings him joy and hope on a daily basis.

From   The Author: Response to Charles Sanderson

Dear Charles Sanderson,

Thank you for submitting an essay of your own in addition to encouraging your students to participate in YES! Magazine’s essay contest.

Your essay focused not on what is important to you, but rather on what is important to one of your students. You took what mattered to her to heart, acting upon it by going beyond the school day and creating a connection that has helped fill a huge gap in her life. Your efforts will affect her far beyond her years in school. It is clear that your involvement with this student is far from the only time you have gone beyond the classroom, and while you are not seeking personal acknowledgment, I cannot help but applaud you.

In an ideal world, every teacher, every adult, would show the same interest in our children and adolescents that you do. By taking the time to listen to what is important to our youth, we can help them grow into compassionate, caring adults, capable of making our world a better place.

Your concerted efforts to guide our youth to success not only as students but also as human beings is commendable. May others be inspired by your insights, concerns, and actions. You define excellence in teaching.

Get Stories of Solutions to Share with Your Classroom

Teachers save 50% on YES! Magazine.

Inspiration in Your Inbox

Get the free daily newsletter from YES! Magazine: Stories of people creating a better world to inspire you and your students.

The Ultimate List Of 145 Life Lessons You Must Learn

Do you ever look back on your life and think, “Gosh, I wish I'd learned that lesson a long time ago?”

You think you have a handle on how life works, only to discover after a few failed relationships, difficult challenges, and misguided assumptions that you've been missing something valuable.

As a result, much of life is wasted on worry, regret, pain, and heartache. Of course, some of this is inevitable and necessary.

But we end up spending too much time sweating over things unnecessarily instead of focusing on what is important in life.

It seems “life lessons” are called that for a reason.

The lessons learned in life are a byproduct of life itself.

But you can learn some of these lessons before life forces them on you in a painful way.

What Are Life Lessons?

What is the most important life lesson, 145 of the best life lessons ever, inspirational life lessons for kids, life lessons for young adults, life lessons for your career, life lessons for your relationships, moral lessons.

A life lesson is a powerful piece of wisdom, knowledge, insight, or self-awareness that you adopt to improve yourself , your relationships, and your life in general.

You often need to experience life in order to learn the lesson . And the more life you experience, the more lessons you accumulate.

But some extremely valuable life instruction can be learned from wise thinkers and experts as well as from friends and family.

Although some lessons must be learned through experience, you don't have to wait until you're old to become aware of what's truly meaningful and worthwhile. You simply need the curiosity and desire for self-awareness and personal growth.

Once you learn the lesson, you can apply it in your life at any age and enjoy the benefits that enhance your happiness and well-being .

All of these lessons are interconnected in many ways. Learning and embracing one often leads you to another. But we believe the most important and life-changing lesson is #1 — your life is now.

Since this moment is the only reality, be fully present with it, appreciate it, and try to live it to the fullest. Nothing else really matters except this moment.

Whether moral lessons, learning lessons, or deep life advice, our list covers a lifetime's worth of insights worth embracing.

As you reflect on each one, make notes in a journal or notebook about how you can make these great life lessons work for you.

1. Your life is now.

We keeping waiting for that amazing thing to happen in the future that will be the key to our happiness.

But this is it. Your life is right now. Life continues to be a series of right nows. So learn to love your life right now, and you'll have an amazing life.

2. Fear is an illusion (mostly).

Most of the things we fear never happen. Or if they do happen, they are rarely as bad as we fear they will be. For most of us, fear is the worst thing that will happen to us. Reality isn't as painful.

3. Relationships rule.

At the end of the day, what matters most in life are the people in our lives.

Put them first every single day. Before work. Before the computer. Before your hobbies. Treat them like they are your everything. Because they are.

4. Debt isn't worth it.

Nothing is more draining and humiliating than being in debt.

Buying things you can't afford might give you a short-term buzz, but in the long run, it's extremely stressful.

Spend below your means. Save money. Wait until you can afford it. Live a debt-free life.

5. Your kids aren't you.

You are the vessels to bring your children into the world and their caretakers until they can care for themselves.

You can teach them, love them, and support them, but you can't change them. They are unique individuals who must live their own lives and learn from their own mistakes. Let them.

6. Things gather dust.

Time and money spent accumulating material things will one day irritate you.

You have to clean, maintain, store, and move stuff. The less stuff you have in your life, the freer you are. Purchase mindfully. Simplify. Declutter your life.

7. Fun is underrated.

How much of your daily life is fun? Really fun?

Life is short. You should enjoy it. Don't make things serious that don't have to be.

Create more fun in your life. Don't worry about what other people think of your fun. Just enjoy it.

8. Failure is good.

We try so hard to avoid failure, but failure is the real evidence that we've had the courage to try.

If you avoid failure, you avoid taking action. Expect and accept that failure is part of the experience. Learn from it, grow from it, and move on.

9. Friendships need care.

One of the top five regrets of the dying is that they let their friendships fade away.

Friendships need time and attention. They need to be prioritized not just in word but in deed.

Nurture them like a prized garden. The payoff is so worth it.

10. Prioritize experiences.

The pleasure and positive memories afforded by great experiences far outweigh material things. If you're trying to decide between the new sofa or the family trip, take the trip every time.

Save and plan for new adventures and meaningful experiences. Don't just dream about them — make them happen.

11. Anger isn't worth it.

The feel-good release of anger lasts a few minutes. The repercussions last far longer.

Regret , stress, and unhappiness are the byproducts of angry outbursts. Learn healthier ways to communicate your feelings, and when anger arises, step away until it dissipates.

12. Kindness matters.

Small expressions of kindness have an enormous positive impact on other people and on your own happiness.

It doesn't take much to be kind. Practice it every day of your life, in every situation, until it's your natural way of being.

13. Age is a number.

When you're twenty you think fifty is old. When you're fifty, you feel thirty. When you're seventy, fifty looks like adolescence.

Our chronological age doesn't have to define us. Don't allow a number to hold you back or prevent you from being the person you are inside. Just be the person you are inside.

14. Vulnerability heals.

Being real, open, and vulnerable invites people in and allows them to relate to you on a much deeper and more intimate level.

Vulnerability, practiced with safe and loving people, can heal emotional pain and strengthen relationships .

Let down your walls and connect. It's surprisingly liberating.

15. Posturing builds walls.

Creating a persona to impress or shield yourself from pain diminishes intimacy and authenticity.

People generally see through this, and it pushes them away. And you look like a fool.

16. Exercise is power.

Exercise should be a daily priority for everyone. It makes you physically, mentally, and emotionally stronger.

It improves your health and your outlook. It is the panacea for just about everything.

17. Grudges cause pain.

Holding on to a grudge is like injecting poison into your body every day. Forgive and let go. There's no other way.

If your ego is preventing you from forgiving and letting something go, then tell your ego to take a hike. It's getting in the way of your happiness and well-being.

18. Passion upgrades life.

When you find that thing you love to do with all your heart, every day feels like a gift.

If you haven't found your life passion , make it your mission to find it. The joy it brings you spills over into all aspects of your life.

19. Travel expands you.

Travel makes you a more interesting, insightful, and accepting person.

It expands you, enlightens you, and teaches you about the variety of people, lifestyles, and cultures. It is a pursuit well worth saving for.

20. You aren't always right.

We think we have the answers and know what's right and wrong, good and bad, and best for ourselves and other people. But we aren't always right.

There's always more than one version. There are many perspectives that are valid. Always remember this life teaching and keep yourself open to that truth.

21. It will pass.

Whatever is causing you worry or pain right now won't cause you worry and pain forever. Time heals. Things change. It will pass.

22. You define meaning.

A meaningful life is what you define it to be.

If you neglect to define meaning for your life , you won't experience it. Decide what makes life worth living for you, and then design your life around that.

23. Risk expands you.

To make a positive change in your life, you often must take a risk. You must tolerate some level of uncertainty.

Taking thoughtful, calculated risk strengthens your “change muscle” and helps you grow.

24. Change is good.

Life is change. We shouldn't resist it.

Remaining stagnant is in opposition to the natural order of life. Flow with change. Embrace it and regard it as an adventure.

25. Thoughts aren't real.

Every moment of the day, we have random thoughts floating through our brains.

Many of the thoughts are negative and limiting. You don't have to believe them. They aren't the truth or the whole truth.

Thoughts can become our reality, but only if we let them.

26. You can't control others.

We want people to think and behave as we do. We want them to accommodate us and live the way we think they should live. We want to change them.

But with awareness, we realize we can't and shouldn't try to control others. Instead, embrace differences and honor the uniqueness of the people in your life.

27. Your body is a temple.

We all have something or many somethings we hate about our bodies. But your body houses your very essence.

Treat your body with respect and care for the efficient and wondrous way it takes care of you. Even if there are parts of your body you don't like, focus on your body with a sense of love and gratitude.

28. Touch heals.

Physical touch is healing and intimate. It bonds us to other people and relieves stress and anxiety .

It has a myriad of health benefits, such as lowering heart rate and improving the immune system.

Mindful, loving touch with those you love is a gift that should be shared.

29. You can handle it.

Whatever you think you can't handle, you actually can.

You have more strength, more resilience , and more inner wisdom than you give yourself credit for. You'll get through it and survive — and maybe even be better for it.

30. Gratitude multiplies happiness.

Consciously focusing on all you have rather than thinking about what you don't have is a far better use of brainpower. Gratitude fosters positivity and well-being.

31. Intuition counts.

Your judgment is important, but your intuition supercharges your judgment.

Intuition is data from your subconscious mind, based on your past experiences and patterns in life.

It can arise spontaneously when you are called on to make a decision or need information. 

32. Please yourself first.

Pleasing others for approval and acceptance might feel good in the short term, but eventually, you will lose yourself and feel resentful.

Please yourself first and give to others based on conscious choice, not the desire for approval or feelings of guilt.

33. Self-honesty is freedom.

When you are in denial about something, you are blinding yourself to the truth.

Even if the truth is temporarily painful, it will ultimately set you free. Be radically honest with yourself so you can live authentically.

34. Perfection is boring.

Perfection is unattainable, and the pursuit of it makes us boring.

It is our differences, our foibles, and our imperfections that connect us to humanity and make us real.

35. Serving creates meaning.

If you want fulfillment in your life, start with serving others. Find a way to make a difference, even a small difference, and your life will feel purposeful.

36. Little things matter.

It's not the big wins, the great accomplishments, or your status in life that really count.

It's the accumulation of little things — the quiet moments in nature, special time with our kids, seeing the smile on your spouse's face when you walk in the door. Pay attention to these things.

37. Learning is forever.

There is so much to learn and explore in our very short lifetimes. Take advantage of learning every single day.

Challenge yourself to acquire a new skill, read something different, take a class. Learning keeps our minds engaged and sharp, even into old age.

38. Aging happens.

Our bodies age. It is a truth we can't avoid. You can manage to age well by doing the best with what you've got.

Beyond that, do your best to let it go. Enjoying life is the best antidote to getting older.

39. Marriages change.

The person you married will change over time. You will change over time.

Hopefully, you will change in the same direction or come to love the changes in the other person. Don't let these changes take you by surprise.

If the changes start to pull you apart, take action as soon as possible to heal the rift.

40. Worry is worthless.

Worry is useful only if it leads directly to a solution. But the very nature of worry implies that it doesn't.

You worry about “what ifs” that aren't real, and the worry itself creates stress and physical symptoms that cause real reasons for angst. Learn how to manage your worried thoughts.

41. Heal your wounds.

Don't allow pain from your past (or present) to linger and cause you suffering.

Don't stuff it down or pretend it doesn't matter when it does.

Seek support from a professional trained to help you heal and renew your emotional health.

42. Simple is better.

A life full of complications, obligations, and an overwhelming schedule makes life more difficult and stressful. A simpler life, in all regards, gives you more space for joy, authenticity, and engagement.

43. Do the work.

If you want something in life, you must do the work to get it. There are rarely shortcuts.

But fortunately, the work is what affords the most sense of accomplishment. The process is more engaging than the outcome.

44. It's never too late.

This is an excuse for not trying. Great things can be accomplished at any age. Telling yourself otherwise is a sure way to remain stuck and frustrated.

45. Action beats angst.

Action is the cure for worry, procrastination, indecision, anxiety, and frustration.

Stop thinking and do something, and you will create momentum that leads to something valuable — or at the least heals your turmoil.

46. Creation beats reaction.

Be proactive in your life, designing exactly what you want rather than reacting to what life throws at you.

Creation empowers you and expands your opportunities. Reacting disempowers you and diminishes your choices.

47. Release attachments.

Don't become too attached to outcomes or beliefs. Remain open to all possibilities and ideas.

You will be surprised how much more there is to life when you don't cling to your beliefs, opinions, and things.

48. Words matter.

The words you speak have power. Consider your words carefully. Use them for good rather than harm. Once they are out, you can't take them back.

49. Make every day count.

If you live to age ninety, how many days do you have left?

It is a finite number, and one day you will reach that last day. Remain conscious of the value of every single day.

Ask yourself every morning, “What can I do to make today count?”

50. Love is the answer.

Love is why we are here. It is the force for good in this often random, painful, and harsh world. Share it freely. Express it daily. Use it as your lodestar.

51. You deserve respect.

Just because you're a child doesn't mean you shouldn't be treated with respect.

Respect means others show you kindness and care. They listen to you and value you for the person you are.

52. Sharing feels good.

Sometimes it's hard to share your things with other people.

You might fear that by sharing, you may lose something, or someone might take advantage of you.

But sharing feels good because you are showing the other person that you care and want them to enjoy what you are enjoying.

Being generous this way makes you like yourself even better.

53. Challenges are good things.

When something is hard and challenging, you may not want to do it. It's much easier to do something that is simple and fun.

But challenging things help your brain become stronger and teach you new skills.

The more challenges you tackle, the easier it becomes to take on the next one.

54. Growing up isn't so hard.

When you're a child, thinking about becoming a grown-up can be scary.

You might wonder how you'll ever be able to do what grown-ups do.

You might wish you never have to grow up because it looks so hard.

But growing up happens slowly with the help and support of your parents and other caring adults. You don't need to worry about it.

55. Manners matter.

Learning good manners makes a difference in how other people perceive you and helps you succeed in school and life.

Helping others, saying please and thank you, holding the door for someone, taking turns, and cleaning up after ourselves are examples of manners that other people notice and like.

56. Stand up for yourself.

It's hard to feel strong and brave when someone bullies you or gossips about you.

When other children are unkind or when you are left out, you may feel uncomfortable speaking up.

But you can stand up for yourself by letting others know how their words and behaviors make you feel and that you don't like being treated this way.

57. Do hard things first.

This is a hard life lesson for children and adults. We want to put off the things that are hard and do the easy, fun things first.

But the longer you delay the hard things, the harder they become.

When you put things off, you might not have enough time to complete them when you are supposed to.

Get the hard things (like homework and chores) out of the way first so you can enjoy the things you like to do without worry.

58. Think good things about yourself.

When you think of yourself as smart, strong, happy, and attractive you will become more of these things.

But if you think negative things about yourself, you will feel bad and unhappy.

Work on having positive thoughts, and speak positively about yourself, and you can change how you feel.

59. Have big dreams.

You can achieve just about anything you set your mind to.

Wake up every morning with an idea and think about how you want to make it happen.

Have some goals about what you want to do in school and once you become an adult.

Having life goals and dreams helps you make them real.

60. Practice honesty.

Telling the truth, even when you think you might get in trouble, is one of the most important life teachings to remember.

Your honesty shows others what kind of person you are.

You want others to trust you and believe you, but if you frequently tell lies or don't tell the entire truth, people begin to doubt you.

61. Be a good friend.

What does it mean to be a good friend? It’s easy to be a good friend when everything is fun and lighthearted.

But what about when your friend is upset or when other people say bad things about your friend. 

Being a good friend means being loyal, standing up for your friend, and forgiving them when they make mistakes. It also means saying you’re sorry when you hurt or offend your friend.

62. Play more. Plugin less.

Play is the most important thing you can do as a child. Playing outside or inside stimulates your creativity, helps you learn valuable life skills, and allows you to work off steam from school and other pressures. 

Playing outside makes you physically stronger, faster, and more coordinated. It also helps your brain develop in a healthy way — something that surfing your smartphone or computer all day doesn’t do.

63. Be yourself.

You may look at another friend and wish you could be more like him or her. Maybe they possess a quality you wish you had. But you are a unique and special person, and the best person you can be is yourself.

Starting today, look in the mirror and say, “I like myself. I am nice and fun to be around. I don’t need to be anyone different because I’m great just as I am.”

64. Keep trying.

Maybe you’ve had a hard time with homework or remembering things for a test. Or you haven’t done as well as you’d like in a sport or extracurricular activity.

When this happens, you may think you just can’t do it, or you don’t have what it takes. 

Don’t give up! When things get tough, you may feel like quitting, but push yourself a little harder and try again. You can improve anything if you keep trying.

65. Listen to your parents.

You may not like it when your parents don’t let you do things you want to do or punish you when you disobey.

But remember, your parents are the people who love you most in the world and who want you to stay safe, healthy, and happy. 

Your parents have a lot of life experience, and can guide you to make good choices and decisions that help you have a better life.

They give you a lot (their love, a home, clothes, toys, food), so show them your respect by listening and honoring them.

66. It’s okay to ask questions.

You may feel embarrassed or too shy to ask a question in school or with an adult.

Maybe you think asking questions means you aren’t smart or shows that you don’t know everything. But even adults don’t know everything, and asking questions is the best way to learn. 

Asking questions isn’t dumb but instead shows that you are curious and eager to learn. It shows how smart you are to want to know more. 

67. Talk about your fears and worries.

There’s a lot going on in the world that can be scary and upsetting. Sometimes things happen at school or with friends that are confusing or hurtful.

Or maybe you’ve done something you shouldn’t have done, and you feel guilty and bad. 

Holding these feelings inside can make things even worse. Worry and fear can even make you feel sick. But talking about your feelings with your parents or another safe adult makes you feel better and helps you understand your emotions .

Even if you’re worried your parents will get mad, it’s better to talk to them than to bottle up or hide what’s inside of you.

68. It’s okay to cry.

Crying is another way to release your negative feelings. It doesn’t mean you are weak or a baby. In fact, tears help you release stress chemicals in your body and make you feel calmer.

Boys especially need to accept that their tears are perfectly normal and acceptable.

69. Your grades aren’t as important as your character.

Of course, you and your parents are proud when you make good grades. Working hard in school is important and will help you with your future goals.

But your character is more important than your grades. You should never cheat to make good grades, and your grades are not as valuable to you or others as your honesty, kindness, and integrity. 

70. Life isn't always fair.

Life will hand you difficult and sometimes terrible circumstances.

You may feel like you've somehow been singled out for punishment or that the world is out to get you.

But over time, you'll discover that life isn't always fair for you or anyone.

The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be to move past difficult times and handle them more gracefully.

71. Your mom and dad know a few things.

As a young adult, you're working to establish your own identity, separate from your parent's identity.

Sometimes that shows up as pushing away their advice and believing your mom and dad don't have the answers.

They may not have all of the answers, but their many life experiences do provide them with wisdom and knowledge that can be extremely helpful to you.

72. Your happiness is your responsibility.

No one else is to blame for your problems, and no one else can make you happy.

It's completely up to you to figure out how to solve your problems and what you need in life to feel satisfied and content.

73. Be independent before you marry.

Before you get married or live with someone for the long term, be sure that you can stand on your own two feet emotionally and financially.

Don't depend on a love partner to fulfill you or take care of you.

Learn to be self-sufficient and independent before you settle down.

74. Take care of your body.

The investment you put into your health and fitness now will pay off in spades as you get older.

Don't take your health for granted, assuming it's fine to abuse your body (with drugs, alcohol, smoking, and being sedentary) because you're young.

Many older people look back with regret and wish they had taken better care of their bodies when they were your age.

75. Don't try to please everyone.

This is an impossible goal to achieve. Not everyone will approve of you, agree with you, or even like you.

Stay true to yourself, find your tribe, and accept that you can't please everyone. Trying to will only make you crazy.

76. It's not always about you.

When you encounter someone who is unpleasant, rude, or critical, quite often this person is dealing with their own issues and projecting them on to you.

Don't allow the bad behavior or negative temperament of someone else drag you down.

Remember that it's not always about you and isn't a reflection of your character or abilities.

77. Make your bed daily.

If you can develop this morning habit and do it every day when you get out of bed, you have set yourself up for success throughout the day.

It's a small accomplishment that sets the tone for the entire day, encouraging you to complete other tasks and goals you want to achieve.

78. Practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness is being present in the here and now and savoring the moment.

Rather than dwelling in the past or fretting about the future, you are focused on exactly what you are doing with full attention.

Mindfulness prevents anxiety and regret and gives you the mental and emotional bandwidth to enjoy life without mental distractions.

79. Character matters.

Having good character and living your life in alignment with your integrity sets you apart and gives you a foundation for making the best decisions and choices.

Good character traits like honesty, loyalty, responsibility, and perseverance should be an essential component of your identity if you want to feel good about yourself and gain the respect of others.

80. Tip well.

Whether or not you’ve worked in a restaurant, you know how hard servers work and how they rely on tips for much of their income. Never skip out on tipping a server or leave an insulting amount of money for a tip.

If the service is average, tip 15%. Tip 20% for service that is better than average. Tipping well communicates to your server that you appreciate their efforts.

81. Everything in moderation.

You don’t need to get drunk to enjoy social drinking or starve yourself in order to have the perfect body.

If your mental health is suffering because you’re pulling all-nighters to have a 4.0 GPA, then your life is out of balance. Or if you’re not studying because you’re on social media all the time, something’s amiss.

It’s easy to fall into habitual or even addictive patterns that are unhealthy. The old adage, “Everything in moderation,” can be your mantra to help you create boundaries to protect yourself from overdoing it in any area of your life.

82. Find your community.

As a young adult, this is the time you’re discovering yourself and who you are.

Look around you to see if the company you keep reflects the person you are or want to be. If not, find a community of like-minded people who support you and inspire you to be your best. 

83. The internet is forever.

If you put it out there, it stays out there. In five, ten, or twenty years, do you want that picture of you drunk at a party or the not-so-professional comments you shared in a weak moment to reflect your character?

As Viktor Frankl wrote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” Use the space before you hit “enter” to consider what you put online and how it might impact you in years to come. 

84. You are not entitled.

It doesn’t matter where you grew up, how successful your parents are, the color of your skin, or how attractive you may be — you aren’t entitled to anything special as a result.

You may have a leg up because of these things, but your response to this should be gratitude for the gifts you’ve been given rather than entitlement because you have them. 

Life has a way of showing us that the gifts we were born with don’t compare to the effort we expend and the gratitude we express along the way.

85. Be the change you want.

You are the future. You are in charge of building the world that you want. Don’t complain about what past generations have done or the legacy they have left. Get busy being the change you want to see. 

86. Save money. 

If you want to build wealth and live a comfortable life, save money every month.

Learn to delay gratification and prioritize putting money away before you spend on non-essentials.

If you start at age 25 saving $100 a month (at a 7% return rate), you’ll have a nest egg of $343,000 at age 70. If you save $200 a month, you’ll have $767,000 when you retire.

87. Your problems aren’t unique.

It’s true that young adults today suffer more anxiety and depression than the previous generation. And it may seem your problems are unique and more challenging than those faced by past generations. 

But each generation has faced turmoil, defeat, and calamities. What matters is not who has it the hardest but rather how can you learn to cope with the inevitable challenges of life.

Fortunately, you have more resources than ever available to you online and with counseling, coaching, and other helping professions. 

88. Pursue adventures now. 

If you long to travel or want to follow a career passion that isn’t as certain as that accounting job, do it now before you have family commitments or time restrictions that prevent you.

Use this adventure time to expand yourself and your interests. Meet new people and make valuable connections for the future. Take on a part-time gig to support your travels or your passion if need be.

89. Be prepared for opportunity.

If you want to move ahead in your career, you need to set yourself up for success.

That requires being prepared when opportunities arise.

Learn as much as you can about your career field and know what you want your next move to be. Learn additional skills that will make you more of an asset.

Keep your resume updated and your interview skills polished.

90. Prove your worth.

Show the people you work for that you are worth every penny they have invested in you.

Do more than is asked of you. Initiate new ideas that support your company’s mission.

Show up early and stay late at times. Be prepared and on time for meetings and events.

91. Stay professional.

There will always be conflict and difficult personalities in any job.

But rather than allowing these challenges to frustrate you and compel you to lose your cool, do your best to remain professional in these situations.

Be the steady and thoughtful anchor when others around you are behaving unprofessionally.

92. Have goals.

Know what you want in your career and have a vision for how you are going to get there.

Don’t allow the winds of fate to determine your professional future. Become the captain of your destiny and work toward achieving what you want.

93. Build connections.

You never know who can support, sponsor, and promote you along the way.

Build relationships with all sorts of people and show them that you value their work and contributions.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to those in higher positions to introduce yourself and see how you might add value to what they do.

94. Focus on results, not activity.

Being busy at work doesn’t necessarily mean you are being productive. Know what you are working toward and what your organization is trying to achieve.

Spent your time and energy where you’ll get the most results that benefit you and your company.

95. Find mentors.

Seek out someone who is doing what you want to do, who has more experience and insights. Study that person and learn as much about his or her career path as possible.

Find a way to support that person and if possible, spend time with them so you can learn from them.

96. Control digital temptations.

Just about every job involves time on a computer and smartphone. These valuable work tools can also be huge distractions.

Make it a priority to resist the temptations of social media, email checking, and news surfing so you don’t lose focus and time on the job.

97. Give credit to others. 

Look for opportunities to let others shine in the spotlight and give credit when credit is due.

Yes, you must promote yourself at times, but you will gain more respect when you honor and support the people around you as well.

98. Listen more than talk.

We all love the sound of our own voices, but you’ll learn more by listening than talking.

When you listen more, you prevent yourself from saying something dumb or not well-considered.

You also gain more knowledge and information. Then when you do speak, people will really listen.

99. Diversify your knowledge.

You don’t want to stagnate in your job because you are pigeonholed in one area or skill. Take the initiative to learn new skills or get more education or training to make you a more valuable and marketable employee. 

100. Remember, success doesn’t happen overnight.

In a world of instant gratification, it’s hard to wait for success in your career. But most people don’t find career success until they’ve put in many years of effort and hard work.

Rather than delaying your happiness until you’ve reach the pinnacle, find joy in achieving small wins and milestones along the way.

Find fulfillment in the process of success rather than just the culmination. 

101. Learn your boss’s job.

You’re not trying to get rid of your boss but rather to be prepared if the times comes for someone to replace him or her.

Observe what your boss does daily and how he or she does it. Ask to take on some of your boss’s responsibilities with supervision.

Find ways to make your supervisor’s work life easier and more productive. As you become more invaluable, others will see you as next in line.

102. Be a positive influence.

There may be parts of your job you hate, or you may find your co-workers or even your supervisor difficult or unpleasant.

But rather than complaining or joining others in kvetching about the work or your organization, be a positive and calm force who doesn’t complain or gossip. 

103. Dress for the job you want.

These days the office environment is more casual than in years past. Entry-level employees in particular, may get by wearing jeans and other informal attire. 

Pay attention to the person whose job you’d like to have. What are they wearing? You don’t need to dress like the CEO, but up your game by making your work wardrobe more polished and professional — even if your peers don’t.

104. Be smart but ethical.

If you are vying for that promotion or to lead the next project, your co-workers are likely doing the same thing.

Everyone is competing to rise to the top, so be smart about your opportunities and distinguish yourself from others. 

But don’t compromise your ethics to reach your goals. Your character speaks volumes to decision-makers.

105. Be willing to do the hard things.

Every job has its fair share of grunt work and difficult tasks. By avoiding them, they don’t get easier or make you look professional.

Tackle the tough stuff first and get it out of your mind so you have the bandwidth to work on more interesting things. 

106. Don’t always ask for permission.

You’re an adult and have a job that needs to be done. You don’t need to ask permission for everything decision or action you take.

Be a self-starter and try to find solutions on your own without first going to a supervisor. 

Get feedback from co-workers or other more senior staff if you need to. Show that you’re capable of figuring things out without handholding. 

107. Don’t hold grudges.

There may be people in your workplace who have offended or mistreated you. You may have been fired or not given a position you thought you deserved. 

Express your anger or resentment to your friends and family, but avoid holding grudges against those who’ve wronged you. You never know when you may meet up with this person again in your career.

And you don’t know if your negative comments might one day reach a future potential employer.

108. Learn to compromise.

You can’t be in a successful marriage or love relationship without compromising at times.

The power dynamic can’t be one-sided — you are partners who must learn the give and take required from being paired with someone.

109. Forgiveness is powerful.

Be quick to forgive and let go of minor issues. Try not to keep score or hang on to grudges.

Don’t allow resentment and anger to fester. It will destroy your relationship over time.

110. Love doesn’t heal everything.

The love between you is what brought you together and keeps your relationship alive.

But love alone isn’t enough to manage the challenges and issues you’ll face as a couple.

Good communication skills, patience, and kindness (among other things) are essential for a healthy relationship.

111. The relationship must come first.

Your relationship must be your priority — over your career, kids, extended family, or anything else.

It should be the centerpiece of your life if you want all of the other aspects of your life to be happy and healthy.

112. Emotional abuse destroys intimacy.

Immature behaviors , verbal attacks, passive-aggressiveness, and control will undermine your closeness and the trust and respect between you.

Avoid emotionally abuse behaviors at all costs so you don’t poison your love and intimacy.

113. Your identity doesn’t depend on your partner.

Your relationship is primary, but that doesn’t mean you can’t maintain your separate identities.

Look to your spouse or partner as a partner — not someone you depend on to define you and make you whole.

114. Honor your love languages.

Learn about the five love languages and how important they are to your relationship.

Honor your partner’s love language, and ask your partner to honor yours.

You both need to be loved in the way that feels loving to you.

115. Communication is critical.

You can’t ignore problems or stop talking because you are angry or frustrated. If you do, resentments build and create bigger problems.

Regular communication about conflict and difficult issues may be uncomfortable, but it ensures you clear the air and find solutions together. 

116. Alone time is important.

We all need time to ourselves even in the most connected and intimate relationship.

You both need time for self-reflection, reading, or just recharging.

Giving that time to one another is a gift, and it doesn't mean you aren't bonded as a couple. In fact, it allows your bond to be stronger when you come back together .

117. Keep the spark.

Romance and intimacy can diminish over time, so it's vital to your relationship that you work on keeping the spark alive.

Plan dates together and find mutual interests that you can enjoy as a couple.

Find ways to spice up your sex life so it doesn't become rote and boring.

118. Be present.

A relationship is all about relating, and you can’t relate if you are constantly distracted and disengaged. When you and your partner are together, be fully present for him or her. Put down your phone and turn off the TV. 

Take a walk together and talk about your day. Listen to your partner attentively and show him or her that you genuinely care about what they are sharing.

If your life is busy, schedule time every day to be present for one another so that you don’t drift into separate lives. 

119. Never show contempt.

Contempt is showing disdain, condescension, and disrespect toward your partner. It’s a way of telling your partner you are better or smarter than they are.

According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, contempt is the most destructive behavior between love partners.

It erodes intimacy and ultimately kills the relationship. Contempt is an attitude you should never, ever have toward your partner or express to them. 

120. Heal conflict quickly.

If you allow conflict and discord to simmer for days or weeks unresolved, it becomes much more difficult to address.

The problem grows in the minds of both of you, and what could have been resolved easily now takes more time and emotional energy. 

Or you may sweep a conflict under the rug, never addressing it at all, only to have resentment and anger undermine your closeness and trust.

Address conflict as soon as you are both calm and able to talk as a team, putting the health of the relationship first. 

121. Understand you won’t change him/her.

If you begin a relationship believing you can change the other person, you’ll be in for a sad surprise.

You may see qualities in your significant other you don’t like and believe you can inspire him or her to let them go. 

But real change occurs when people have internal motivation to change. If you try to strong-arm change, your partner will resent you and feel they are never enough.

Accept your lover as he or she is and focus on what you love rather than what’s missing. 

122. Be appreciative.

One of the most common relationship complaints is the feeling that one partner takes the other for granted. The best way to remedy this issue is by both partners showing daily appreciation for one another. 

Be appreciative of who your partner is, what they bring to the relationship, and how they positively impact your life.

Show gratitude for the small and large efforts your partner makes for you and your family.  

123. Recognize your partner’s not a mind reader.

Never assume your spouse or significant other knows what you are thinking or feeling. He or she can’t read your mind and shouldn’t be expected to intuit your feelings and needs.

Don’t use passive-aggressive behaviors to hint at what you want or how you feel, even if you’re uncomfortable expressing it.

Speak directly and plainly if you want your partner to know and understand you.

124. Change happens.

If you’re in a relationship for the long haul, expect that your spouse or partner will grow and evolve over time. So will you. Sometimes you grow together, and sometimes you don’t.

Preparing yourself for the inevitable changes you both experience can help you navigate them as a team and keep your relationship solid. 

125. Comparison creates animosity.

Does someone else’s husband or wife seem more successful, attractive, or attentive than yours? Do your neighbors live a more lavish lifestyle than you can afford? 

Comparing your situation or your spouse to another person’s is a recipe for constant dissatisfaction and animosity between you.

Spend your emotional energy on the positive aspects of your relationship and life, and you’ll find that you are both happier. 

126. Know when to let go.

Hanging on to a relationship out of boredom, fear, loneliness, or guilt is not the foundation for a loving and close connection.

If the relationship is broken, and you know it can’t be fixed, then the best thing you can do for both of you is to let it go.

Letting go doesn’t mean you or your partner are failures. It reveals self-awareness and courage to say goodbye to someone you once loved when the connection no longer works. 

127. Practice empathy.

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person's shoes and understand his or her feelings.

Empathy shows you aren't just self-interested but want to connect with other people in a kind and loving way.

128. Respect the property of others.

By definition, showing respect for people requires you to respect their possessions. You don't take things or “borrow” them without asking.

If you are using something that belongs to another person (with permission), you take care of it and return it in the same (or better) condition it was when you borrowed it.

129. Develop courage.

Courage is showing strength in the face of hardship, grief, or pain. It's also doing something difficult and necessary in spite of your fear or anxiety about it.

Being able to step out of your comfort zone for a greater good reflects character and self-confidence. It makes you stronger and more resilient.

130. Be loyal to others.

Being loyal with those you care about means sticking with them through good times and bad — even when it would be easier or less painful to cut them off.

Loyalty involves being honest even when it's hard. It means there are not “conditions” on your relationship or friendship. And it also means you have boundaries and respecting the boundaries of the other person.

131. Cultivate tolerance of others.

Tolerance means you acknowledge and accept the opinions, values, culture, and beliefs of others — even if they differ from your own.

You don't respond to these differences with negativity or anger but rather with curiosity and evenness.

132. Don't judge.

When you judge others, you reveal a smallness in yourself — a sense of self-righteousness that lacks compassion.

Being less judgmental involves practicing empathy. You seek to understand the other person and view the situation or decision through his or her perspective.

133. Be dependable.

You know how it feels when someone let's you down and fails to follow through on a promise.

Be someone that others can count on. Do what you say you'll do . Show up on time. Live up to your commitments.

134. Have a generous spirit.

Generosity doesn't always mean giving away money or possessions. Being generous with others involves giving your time, your emotional energy, and your kind words without expecting anything in return.

A generous person is able to celebrate the successes of others and give credit when credit is due. Generosity of spirit is a quality that draws others to you.

135. Practice patience.

You've seen impatient people who get angry and complain when they don't get what they want right away. It's an unattractive and off-putting quality that reflects selfishness and immaturity.

It is hard to be patient, especially in this age of instant gratification. When you feel impatience boiling over, practice deep breathing and bring yourself back to the present moment.

136. Prioritize your family.

In a hectic world, it’s easy to neglect your family members and assume they will always be there for you.

But you need to be there for them and continue to cultivate your relationship with them. Unless your family is toxic , they should be the most important people in your life.

Maintain your close connection with your parents, siblings, and extended family members. They give you a sense of belonging, pass on traditions, and provide an invaluable support system.

137. Honor the dignity of all people.

All people, no matter their race, religion, income, background, or age, should be treated with respect and dignity.

You are no better than others, and no one is better than you. People may be different in many ways, but everyone deserves courtesy and kindness.

138. Support social justice and human rights.

You may not be an activist, but you can support fairness in wealth, opportunities, and basic needs. You can speak out about equality, gender discrimination, racism, and educational opportunities. 

Begin by educating yourself on these matters, examining your own opinions and beliefs and using social media to educate others. If you want to take action, volunteer your time for a cause you support, or join a protest or demonstration.

As humans, it is our obligation to look out for one another and correct injustices in society.

139. Develop self-discipline.

Self-discipline or willpower is a learned practice that builds your inner strength and character.

It helps you overcome temptations that stand in the way of your goals or undermine your relationships. With self-discipline, you learn to tolerate emotional discomfort for a greater good. 

140. Practice discretion.

Discretion is the practice of keeping private or sensitive information to yourself. If someone shares a secret with you, you don’t talk about it with others.

If you are privy to information at work, you don’t show it to others or leave it where people can see.

Discretion is a way of showing respect for other people — weighing whether or not sharing would cause harm to them.

141. Be a role model. 

Set an example as a positive role model of good character, and you can help shape a future generation of young people.

When you demonstrate integrity, leadership, respect, positivity, and humility, you make others want to be better people. The added benefit is that you become a better person yourself.

142. Keep your composure. 

Are you able to remain calm and in control of yourself during stressful or upsetting situations?

Maintaining composure and keeping your emotions in check is one of the most difficult acts of self-discipline.

But practicing composure allows you to make thoughtful and clear decisions and prevents you from doing or saying something you’ll later regret. 

143. Return favors. 

If someone has gone out of their way for you or extended a kindness, find a way to do the same for them.

Don’t allow favors from others to pile up without extending yourself and showing your appreciation. 

144. Revere your reputation.

As Will Rogers famously admonished, “It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation, but you can lose it in a minute.”

You can damage your professional reputation by doing something unsavory in your personal life. You can ruin it by unethical or compromising actions in your professional life.

Guard your reputation with attentive care. You may be remembered for the one bad thing you do rather than all the good you've done in the past.

145. Stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves.

Throughout your life, you'll encounter people who don't have the ability, power, knowledge, or money to stand up for themselves.

Vulnerable people appear in all walks of life and can be victims of fate, circumstance, or people. If you see an injustice or an opportunity to help someone who can't help themselves, view it as a calling from your higher self to step up.

You help not just to help the other person but also because it is universally the right thing to do.

More Related Articles:

65 Tough Relationship Questions Every Couple Should Ask

The Ultimate List of Core Values

27 Green Flags That Signal A Definite Go With Your New Relationship 

Final Thoughts

What life lesson resonated most with you?

Was there a life lesson — or maybe several — that spoke to you?

Reading about these lessons is one thing, but it's hard to adopt these new ideas if you've developed different behaviors and habits over the years.

If you take the time now to work on new mindsets and behaviors, you won't experience regret years down the road when you realize how important these practices are.

Choose one or two to work on over the next few months. Write down a list of behaviors you need to change or mindsets you want to adjust, as well as action steps to help you make these changes.

Create a reminder and accountability system to help you stay on track with your goals. And be sure to celebrate your accomplishments as you adopt these life teachings as a permanent part of your character.

32 thoughts on “The Ultimate List Of 145 Life Lessons You Must Learn”

I agree with all of this – excellent

Here is a lesson I have learned. It is hard having the courage to find adversity but it is worthwhile.

Barrie, It’s so easy these days to see a list like this and feel a bit sceptical about the quality if the information it will contain. I read your list and it is spot on. It’s fantastic and not only am I going to take it and ponder it deeply for myself I also can tink of a number of people imediately that I want to send it to as I know it will get them thinking.

Thnak you for a real respurce with this post.

Monique Rhodes Founder

“Old saying”?? Give credit to George Bernard Shaw.

I believe this list is almost perfect. The only thing I would add to it is: Act, don’t react.

this is a wonderful list and guidelines to successful life. I appreciate all your words and wisdom.

Barrie, I haven’t even read this yet and I’m already ecstatic! I asked awhile ago if you’d do a post like this and was going to write you again, so thank you!!! You rock 🙂

Awesomeness good rules to follow!

51. Surround Yourself with People who lift you 52. Smile Everyday. 53. Don’t expect to change others until you have changed yourself. 54. There is a reason you putting off that difficult conversation. Have it now. 55. Haven’t found your passion? Keep looking (Passion changes and evolves).

You’ve learned a lot in your life, Barrie! I like the fact that thoughts aren’t real! I fully believe and support that. Best to let them float by than attach to them.

I love what Davis Nguyen had to add – excellent and helpful. My own: Time is precious – it is the stuff life is made of – use it wisely and well.

What is said is very true..what ever your age might be…you yourself will be experiencing the essence of all these 50 statements. For me at the age of 27, I have experienced more than half of these…everybody knows them..but what is difficult is how to put them into PRACTICE…experiencing is totally different from learning from your experiences..The latter is the one that will help you rather than just piling up all your experiences growing old…ONE THING I FELT MISSING IS…..one of the EASIEST AND BEST WAYS of PUTTING INTO PRACTICE ALL THESE 50 ….IS by SURRENDERANCE TO GOD ALMIGHTY….practice SPIRITUALITY, in any form it might be…which will help u achieve all these and generate POSITIVE ENERGY…51.TO include….MAKE PRAYER a part of your DAILY ROUTINE…just like exercise heals ur body…PRAYER heals you from inside…and results in PEACE…SURRENDER all your worries to god and ask him for STRENGTH..to handle your LIFE….properly by keeping in MIND all the above 50 statements..GOD BLESS US ALL

TEGA what a range of intuition youve got by adding/including the last MOST important rule which is by SURRENDERANCE TO GOD ..by that which you’ve insured and sure of a lifetime progress and by then makes it easier to put into practise the remaining motivational rules mentioned above in life ..nice tega! may God continue to broaden our understanding to life

Loved this blog post – very compelling list. Thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙂

For some of us debt is unavoidable. I have crushing student debt and then in my last years of school became disabled and unable to work but still have all this debt expected to be paid back. I definetly live humbly because of it but I don’t think I did anything wrong to be ashamed of.

Excellent….here is one of the best novel by Turkish Writer Elif Shafak about 40 rules of love…..will impress and life changing for everyone…must read and thank you.

I appreciated this motivation and leasons about life . Thanks

This is great!. Life comes with natural laws which affect our decisions and actions. All I can Say is; indeed failure is good and fear is not real. You can be who you want to be. Life is simple so don’t complicate yourself.

This is a wonderful list and guidelines to successful life. I appreciate all your words and wisdom. Thanks

life isnt fair fake it till u make it

These are awesome lesson’s of life. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful article.

Thanks for the list….god bless you

nice lessons to follow. specially fear is an illusion and exercise is power. at least everyone should follow couple of them

I must say you bring up every part I learned so I guess I have become “Wiser than I give myself credit for”? I think as humans we all can be hard on ourselves and this was a great read. Recently, myself furthermore a bit of my experience leading me to your page. I did some major reevaluating after my father had become ill. I was never close to him I come to realize and accept not his fault, not judging because I understand but deep down I believe was not good for me, of influence and there are people out there that truly love and care about me. I had to learn from my mistakes to gain wisdom that I truly wasn’t not happy at the time (therefore figuring out how) but ended up being a care-taker. I didn’t realize it had stressed me out where I had become very judgemental and not trusting of people. But then figured out how to deal with autoimmune disease that affects my stress level through diet. So of dramatic irony, he had taught me to take care of myself.

I took the time off to take care of myself and reevaluate and then I didn’t realize until afterwards acquiring wisdom throughout an entire section of my library and taking some time for myself watching my favorite old shows as a child with hidden wisdom that not only made me realize wisdom but inspired me.

I realize, i am actually pretty lucky because not only with that wisdom I had learned how to drive but with that wisdom of dramatic irony again, not meaning to judge put me on the road for a better life and through the wisdom I found gave me a new hobby. I believe he brought the worst out in me but it was because I willing to learn from the wisdom I was greatful for the past experience even if at the time it “Felt” hard because like it says anything going through a hard time is temporary/past and I realize will get better and now I am safe, secure and can be truly happy.

Also, realized I have gotten better, not only learned how to drive but have acquired skills essential for a job. Basically, I like to think of it as Mrs Doubtfire role: Through optimism and creativity I didn’t realize I already had a job at the same time, find the joy in everyday-without leaving the house lol. I reevaluated further through wisdom really was a blessing in disguise because brought me closer to my mother.

Then, the air broke down so I had to sleep closer to her from then on but we actually had bought each other fans around the same time the air broke down Basically, seems through caring and compassion we give each other air which turns out we both have the same sign air lol

Also, realizing old subconcious negative habits I have had for about 5 past years. I started with my autoimmune disease and then being able to eat again the way I liked. Then, I read about “Grief” finding out I was in the acceptance part the same time I was caretaking so was going through alot, don’t like to put a label on it. But if it wasn’t for this, wouldnt’ve given me wisdom to be a happier better person. Then, I realized about the little things being greatful for what i truly love and love to do everyday. I would start going for bike rides and write down ideas that came to me when I came back. I also log my dreams too both as well as reading pretty theraputic. I started some bibliothrapy with what I discovered…

Also, including basically what I like to call negative expectations which includes and this is human nature I realize, had not been honest with, too hard on myself, learned about Optimism which I didn’t realize had in me all along but when I stopped believing in myself had given into pessimissm, I read about being too hard on self I call self-judgement or you may have heard the term resentment and then also what is refered to but I don’t being an Optimist lol as Self-Sabatoge including Negative Perfectionism which I realized what it comes down to is Optimism, Excellence and positive expectations, don’t stress don’t judge and don’t repress.

But basically I realize how much I learned and now it’s just a matter of letting go, thinking of remembering things that I believe in, truly remember and being happy. Personally I think 3/4 of the day I’m happy half of the week is not such a bad thing. It’s basically taking a little more time to learn more and have some fun. I also discovered a new hobby I enjoyed doing including shadowworkplay and I must say thinking about it there’s a lot of positive reinforcement wisdom compassion there that has helped me and realize not only will I feel better but will help me drive on with what i want and who I love in my life and look back and laugh in good humor with life lessons/morals and I came across your page doing so must say this is one of the most greatful parts of my day today. Thank you for the experience. May you help others as you have helped me!

Very wise thoughts. Here is one that I told many years ago by a very wise mentor. “Always make sure that you understand what you already have before you wish for more”. This applies to all things emotional and physical.

I agree, Great words.

Comments are closed.

Login or sign up to be automatically entered into our next $10,000 scholarship giveaway

Get Started

• College Search
• College Search Map
• Graduate Programs
• Featured Colleges
• Scholarship Search
• Lists & Rankings
• User Resources

Articles & Advice

• All Categories
• Ask the Experts
• Campus Visits
• Catholic Colleges and Universities
• Christian Colleges and Universities
• College Admission
• College Athletics
• College Diversity
• Counselors and Consultants
• Education and Teaching
• Financial Aid
• Graduate School
• Health and Medicine
• International Students
• Internships and Careers
• Majors and Academics
• Performing and Visual Arts
• Public Colleges and Universities
• Science and Engineering
• Student Life
• Transfer Students
• Why CollegeXpress
• $10,000 Scholarship
• CollegeXpress Store
• Corporate Website
• Terms of Use
• Privacy Policy
• CA and EU Privacy Policy

Articles & Advice > Student Life > Blog

5 Life-Changing Lessons From My First Year of College

Freshman year is certainly a time of growth and maturity. Here are five lessons you can learn and grow from, courtesy of one of our student writers.

by Shivani Ekkanath CollegeXpress Student Writer

Last Updated: Oct 5, 2023

Originally Posted: Aug 16, 2019

With my first year of college now behind me, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on a year that has admittedly been the most challenging, overwhelming, and memorable in my past 19years of existence. A lot of my fellow first-years (now turned sophomores) can probably relate to these sentiments as well. Moving to a new country and assimilating to a completely different environment while withstanding the many trials and tribulations of “adulting” have been nothing short of interesting—a far cry from the rather cushioned existence of my high school years. Even though there are more experiences to come and I’ve only tested the waters, the following are some of the most important lessons I’ve learned from my first year of college.

1. Manage your expectations

There’s a certain kind of novelty associated with college, especially when we’re in high school, because we see it as an escape from the confines of childhood. As a result, we’re often eager to live out the idea of college rather than the true experience . This conflated view leaves when you finish your first few weeks and realize the true scope of the situation. I believe it’s essential to enter your first year with a clear mind so you’re more open to all the different obstacles and experiences that await you. Be sure to set aside everything you’ve heard from your friends, as your journey will be totally different.

2. Find a work-life balance

We’re told to find a work-life balance starting in middle and high school, but it’s more crucial once you enter college, as it becomes your responsibility to manage your work and stress levels. You’re finally on your own, and it’s up to you to stay on top of it all. College life isn’t limited to your academics and classes; it encompasses the initiatives and experiences you embark on through the course of your undergraduate years. Campus life tends to be vibrant, as college is a community of different talents, cultures, and ideas. Try taking on different extracurriculars and take the initiative from the beginning so you have a balanced and stable life on campus. This is the perfect time to make memories and meet fascinating people.

Related: How to Find Balance as a Working Student

3. Value your independence

Looking back, I realize how we perceive college as representational of hedonism and freedom, especially when we’re in high school. But the true value of independence is so much deeper and more complex than that. It encompasses so many different things you usually learn in your first full year on campus. College life teaches you hard lessons, particularly how to look out for yourself and manage your finances and responsibilities, but it doesn’t exactly give you independence in the way you expected. Your choices and decisions—academically and socially—are the focal points of your new independence, as you have the ability, wisdom, and resolve to undertake and execute them.

4. Understand the complexities of relationships

The people you meet on your first day or eat lunch with for the first time aren’t necessarily the people you’ll call your “college friends,” because everyone tends to change (even in those first few weeks, let alone the whole year). We look for those special social connections and groups to not only redefine ourselves but to adjust to the strains of a big life change. Your friendships and relationships will evolve when you enter this new world. They say the friends and connections you make at college usually last a lifetime, but that can be untrue at times. Some of these friendships may be the most valuable, while others may turn toxic.

Some relationships may tend to be more professional and hierarchical in nature because, as first-years, we literally start our way from the bottom to the top. You may need to interact with seniors and teaching assistants in different settings and for different purposes. With the complications of the real world and the combined impacts of individual and group politics, relations often tend to focus on other complexities like power and pride, and it becomes convoluted when you’re forced to navigate both.

5. Find your identity

Even though college is the best time to reinvent yourself completely as an individual, it’s imperative that you stay true to yourself and your ideals in the process. We often get caught in a frenzy to live up to an ideal version of ourselves or a warped sense of reality. Defining and understanding yourself in the context of a new realm is complicated and overwhelming. Personally, I struggled a lot with this—I got trapped in the throes of moving to a completely different country on top of already being an immigrant in my home country. While adjusting to all the changes, try to attain a new understanding of the world around you.

Related: 5 College Lessons Learned Outside the Classroom

Even though everyone’s first-year story is different, most of them tend to have a lot to do with different combinations and variations of these factors. As your world grows bigger and more chaotic, you’ll learn those important life lessons and hard truths that you’ll carry with you for life and will soon wear like armor. Your first year is that first but essential steppingstone.

If you're still nervous going into your first semester, check out the advice in our blog 5 Ways to Prepare for Freshman Year of College!

Like what you’re reading?

Join the CollegeXpress community! Create a free account and we’ll notify you about new articles, scholarship deadlines, and more.

Tags: college freshmen first year of college freshman year new friends personal growth student life work-life balance

← Previous Post

Next Post →

About Shivani Ekkanath

As a person applying to college this year, I want to chronicle this crazy and unpredictable yet rewarding and fascinating journey so the experience feels less daunting for other students. I'm currently preparing to study Political Science for my undergraduate degree while trying my best to win a battle with the pressures of the IB diploma. I'm a lover of music, debating, reading about current affairs, dancing, baking (not too well), and writing. I'm also an an aspiring journalist and hope to attend  Columbia University one day and work for the  New York Times or Wall Street Journal.

Join our community of over 5 million students!

CollegeXpress has everything you need to simplify your college search, get connected to schools, and find your perfect fit.

Sadie Hartmann

High School Class of 2021

I'm a senior in high school, and CollegeXpress has helped me in so many ways this year in trying to navigate the process of deciding and committing to a university. The COVID-19 Student Resource Center has helped me many times with the most up-to-date and accurate information, along with financial aid and student life [advice]. During these uncertain times, CollegeXpress has been a great recourse to relieve the stress as a senior. Along with the COVID-19 Student Resource Center, I'm constantly using the extremely helpful tools off the site to aid me during this stressful process. Tools like the lists and rankings of universities have been the most beneficial. I've also used the site to receive expert advice on topics like financial aid. Finally, CollegeXpress has helped me easily apply for several scholarships. I'm thankful to be given the chance to win a scholarship to lessen the burden of my college debt.

Courtney Smith

High School Class of 2022

CollegeXpress has been a huge help! The website is very organized with finding the right scholarship for anyone and anything. With CollegeXpress, I've been able to find many scholarship opportunities to apply for. Not only that, I'm also able to search for the colleges I have interest in and see what’s required and what scholarships they offer. I've learned a lot from CollegeXpress. They've helped me in many ways to achieve my goals!

Mataya Mann

To say that CollegeXpress is a helpful tool would be an understatement as it is much more than that. Before finding CollegeXpress, all I knew was that I wanted to go to college, it was going to be insanely expensive, and I felt lost. CollegeXpress has given me access to resources such as helpful tips for applications and scholarship [opportunities], and helped guide me in a direction where I feel confident moving forward and pursuing a career. CollegeXpress has helped instill a spark in me that makes me want to continue and supports me in doing so.

Hailey Riddile

CollegeXpress has helped me find scholarships to apply for and look into more colleges. While there are many websites similar to CollegeXpress, every website is different, and I've found a lot of good insight on this website. Receiving emails from CollegeXpress about scholarships is extremely useful, and getting insight about colleges near, far, and anywhere in between helps me narrow down my choices to what I want, which is also super helpful. The articles are always really good reads, and I can't stress enough how helpful this website has been to me. Anything related to college is beneficial to me as a senior, and I have learned lots of useful things to help me on my college journey this year.

Ruth Aguilar

CollegeXpress helped me by providing me with many scholarship opportunities and information about universities I want to attend. What I love about CollgeXpress is how it provides a variety of information, and as the first child attending a university next year, it has been very essential and helpful. I’m so grateful for this because the information provided by CollegeXpress has also helped me see that there are so many college opportunities, and it always informs me by email. In other words, CollegeXpress has been like a guide for me as a future college student.

Colleges You May Be Interested In

Southern Connecticut State University

New Haven, CT

Grace College

Winona Lake, IN

Vanguard University of Southern California

Costa Mesa, CA

University of Louisiana at Lafayette

Lafayette, LA

Cleveland State University

Cleveland, OH

Personalize your experience on CollegeXpress.

With this information, we'll display content relevant to your interests. By subscribing, you agree to receive CollegeXpress emails and to make your information available to colleges, scholarship programs, and other companies that have relevant/related offers.

Already have an account?

Log in to be directly connected to

Not a CollegeXpress user?

Don't want to register.

Provide your information below to connect with

What I Learned: 10 Life-Changing Lessons from my Teenage Years

“ What I Learned ”  is a guest post series of   lessons learned in relationships that matter the most (you can  send us your story  too). This guest post is by Agnes Jimenez from Cebu, Philippines.

If you are anything like me, your teenage years were very eventful. It seems like more happened to me during those years than during any other period of my life. There are many changes, both mental and physical, that take place. This is literally the period of time in which a boy turns into a man or a girl turns into a woman, and the process can be trying in many ways. However, all of these changes can lead to some very important lessons, such as these 10 that I learned while I was growing up.

2. Friends Are Very Important I really learned the value of friends at this age. As a child, you don’t really pick your friends, but you could as a teenager. Picking friends who would stick by you was very important.

3. Life Has A Lot To Offer The world seemed to grow quite a bit between the ages 12 and 20. Suddenly, I knew about other countries, other occupations, and many things I had never considered before. I could see that life had almost a limitless amount of opportunities.

4. Trust Has To Be Earned One thing that I learned quickly from friends and girlfriends is that trust has to be earned. Once it is broken, it is hard to earn it back.

5. Things Would Be Hard I also learned that life would not always be easy. There would be hard times, and getting through them said a lot about who you were as a person.

6. There Is Always a Balance I found that there always had to be a balance between nearly everything. Work and entertainment had to be balanced, for example, to create a healthy lifestyle.

7. Dedication Matters From sports teams and friendships, I learned that dedication was important. Being committed to something really showed your character, especially when things were hard.

8. Things Change As a young child, everything seemed like it would always be the same. Only as a teen did I see how things could change quickly for better or worse.

9. Life Can Be Rather Unexpected I found that you could not always anticipate everything that would happen in life. What is really important is that you know how to react when the unexpected happens.

10. You Can Always Go Home Finally, I learned the true value of a good family. After making mistakes, I learned that you could always go back to a family that loved you.

The things that I learned when I was a teen have shaped the rest of my life. They have helped to make me who I am today. Some of the lessons were difficult, but I am now thankful for all of the experiences that impacted me as I grew up and matured.

About the Author: Agnes Jimenez is a professional blogger and writer. She partners with HelpYourTeenNow.com to increase awareness on the current psychological and societal stresses of today’s teens. Agnes can also be found on Facebook and Twitter .

photo credit: 55Laney69

• HOLIDAYS + GIFT GUIDES
• PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
• PRODUCTIVITY

My 10 Life Experiences That Taught A Lesson

As we grow older, it’s easy to forget what we have learned. But I didn’t want to forget them, therefore here are my 10 life experiences that taught me a lesson.

After entering a decade that is seen as the beginning of “the rest of your life,” I am now officially in my 30s.

Even with that rosy picture, it still felt like something of an ending, and it’s a good time to look back. After all, I have lived for 30 years now, and I’ve had my fair share of life experiences. The fun, the dull, the exciting, the painful, and everything in-between.

If you’re looking for an easy read this isn’t it, sorry to say. However, if you’re wanting to read more of a dissertation on lessons a woman on the internet learned I suggest you grab some tea and buckle up.

So, from the heartache and heartbreak to the greatest moments of my life, here are 10 life experiences that taught a lesson that I’ve found worth remembering.

Table of Adventures

1 // Everyone won’t like you no matter how hard you try.

I always wanted to be that girl in school. The super-popular one, with the cute boyfriend and the legions of friends. I’m sure I’m not alone in that envy, but even though I did manage to make a good couple of friends in high school, I was far from the most popular person in the building.

So what went wrong?

Honestly… nothing. Nothing inside of my control anyway.

Being popular was sort of a big deal to me at the time, because when I was even younger, a lot of kids made fun of me because of my dry skin. In elementary school, you don’t really understand complexion and why to use lotion, and it wasn’t until I entered high school that I actually figured that out.

By that point, though, I was already pretty shy and I had trouble expressing myself. I felt like I looked like a bumbling idiot a lot, not because I didn’t know what I wanted to say, but because every time I opened my mouth, I would say it wrong.

I’d be lying if I said I was completely over that.

But anyway, when I was 12, we moved out of New York City to Connecticut. It was only a 40-minute move, and we were still in a small city-slash-large town, but, to me, it felt like a chance for a fresh start. I wanted to be popular there, and then everything would fall into place, right?

I never became that person. Not even close.

I was friendly and met everyone. I baked cookies, said hi in the halls, and hung out with people whenever I was allowed to. But the fact is, a lot of people already had their own friend groups. I sort of carved mine out, but I didn’t magically turn into Blair Waldorf. Other girls were richer, dressed better, were part of sports teams, and so on.

The realization that it was all okay hit me right at the tail end of high school. Up until that point, this perceived competition really stressed me out, but when it finally hit me that I was going to college and that all this was going to be behind me, I realized how much energy I had wasted vying for affection from people who didn’t owe it to me.

I had great friends in high school. I also had a couple of people who weren’t my biggest fans, due to some drama or another. I had teachers that loved me, some that didn’t seem to care for me, and a whole lot of people who were somewhere in the middle. 

That’s how life is sometimes, and if you obsess about getting everyone to like you, you’re going to spend a whole lot of emotional energy and get very little from most people in return.

And you know what? I’m a hysterical, goofy person, and some people don’t like goofy. Some people don’t like my personality and that’s alright.

The way I see it now, those people then miss out on getting to know me, and that’s okay.

2 // You are truly beautiful as you are.

I also don’t think I’m alone in this struggle either, but for a long time, I struggled with how I perceived my weight. I really thought I was fat all throughout high school and into college. I have naturally large legs; muscular calves and thick thighs. Out here saving those lives, you know?

But they aren’t really defined, since I don’t run a lot. So, in high school, this just made me think “fat.” This is the narrative I repeated to myself over and over and over again. 

While I love my mom, she didn’t exactly help – teenage girls are pretty sensitive people, and when you say something like “well, you’ll slim down when you get taller,” we hear “you’re fat now, but it’ll get better when you grow.”

But then I never grew! So I just thought my mom thought I was fat!

There isn’t a specific point that I suddenly realized I was being ridiculous; putting on a little extra weight after college actually helped, because when I looked back at my pictures and saw that I was actually kind of a babe. I also spoke with my mom about this whole thing, and that was a pretty good way of putting these feelings to rest.

Even if the person can’t wave a magic wand and fix the issue, airing out things can help release a lot of pent-up emotions, so that way you can move on. It helps.

One thing I want to add is that there were two parts to this process… it’s one thing to say “wow, I was being ridiculous criticizing my weight back then, look at me now.” After that, you have to realize that you’re still being ridiculous.

Read this again and again if you struggle with this as I did: you are being ridiculous right now by being hypercritical of your weight.

I am never going to have a thigh gap. I’m never going to be built like Gwyneth Paltrow. I’m built like me. The truth is pretty simple: I’m beautiful as I am. You’re beautiful as you are.

Refusing to accept that can create havoc in your mind and in your body. It is a battle that is far from unique to me and I’m not trying to put this post out there as a simple solution to a complicated problem, but it is a lesson I learned. 

Corny as it is, loving yourself as you are is a great way to reject all the stress that the world will try to place on your shoulders.

Besides, everything is temporary. Skinny people gain weight. Heavier people lose it. We’ve all got a finite number of days on this planet, and you can spend them however you want. You wanna drop a couple of pounds? Go for it! 

Just don’t let that desire speak to you from a place of self-loathing, because life is too short for that. You’re gorgeous… just recognize it.

3 // You don’t owe anyone forgiveness.

People tell you forgiveness is a virtue and sometimes it is. Holding onto anger and resentment isn’t healthy and there’s a lot of wisdom in the old advice “don’t sweat the small stuff.”

But there are always exceptions to rules, and forgiveness is also a personal thing. There’s a difference between coming to peace with the past and absolving someone of their role in it. 

When I think about this lesson, there are two main points in my life I immediately jump to. The first is when I was assaulted in middle school and no one did anything to help. The second has to do with my stepfather.

In middle school, I ended up in some stupid fight about something I don’t even remember. On the other side of the argument was one of the more popular boys in my class, and he picked on me incessantly. In the middle of the fight, he hauls off and starts grabbing at me, choking me. 

I eventually pushed him off me, or maybe he stopped on his own, but as I looked around and saw a bunch of our classmates there, I realized that no one helped. No teachers came to my aid, no students spoke up, and, to my knowledge, he wasn’t even punished.

I know kids can do stupid things. I know he was as young as I was. And I know that all those bystanders who could have intervened were our age as well. But at that age, I knew not to physically assault someone, so why didn’t he? 

The fact is, he attacked me and they all did nothing, and when I think back on that day, neither of those actions was okay.

Different topic, but similar moral: my stepdad has never been much of a ‘dad’ to me. He spent no time with my brother or me during our childhood, he was emotionally abusive to my mother and a rather physical disciplinarian with us. 

He ran his relationship with my mother into the ground by keeping his priorities on anything and everything else besides our family but refused to sign divorce papers until only recently. And in spite of his claims to want to make the marriage work, he was unfaithful, and he didn’t do any of the work required to make those words mean anything.

That one is still a bit sore for me if you noticed, but the fact is, these are the facts of my life. I can’t change them. And I can only, in a lot of ways, come to peace with the fact that these things have happened. 

But don’t buy into that feel-good gaslighting that in order to move on you need to forgive everyone who has wronged you. You don’t. You can, quite simply, move on.

See, for a lot of people, forgiveness involves gaining a sense of absolution. You’re saying that the past can stay in the past and that we’re going to ‘move on’ from it. 

In the case of my stepdad, however, I don’t want to move on with him in my life. I don’t view it as healthy to pretend what he did to me was okay. I can accept that it happened and I can examine my own feelings of anger, resentment, whatever it is that I’m working through. 

But having this allegedly cathartic moment where I tell him that what he did was okay so that he can feel better about his mistakes, and that mitigating his guilt over the past is somehow going to unchain me from it… I don’t buy it.

I work on myself and try to meditate and so on. He can do the same. He can find a balance that allows him to look at what he’s done and accept where it’s gotten him.

And so that’s the lesson I learned. Acceptance is alright. Moving on is necessary. But forgiveness is entirely optional, and it should only be given on your terms, not on the other person’s. 

Don’t guilt yourself into forgiving people who you don’t feel deserve it.

4 // You may have hurt someone badly, even if you didn’t think you did. Sincerely apologize and understand that those people don’t need to accept it, forgive you, or talk to you ever again.

I have hurt a lot of people in my life.

Sometimes my intentions were good but were not construed well. Sometimes I went about a particular problem in the wrong way and I ruined relationships that I had no intention of ruining.

One time over one summer that I worked as a camp counselor I had a friend text a boy I had really liked (I really have no idea why I did this, sigh) that I was breaking it off with him. He basically never spoke to me ever again even though I had tried everything – sending messages, texting, calling, sending smoke signals. 

My hope was that I could tell him I was sorry, but he wasn’t interested in hearing from me.

Eventually, I even ran into him in person, completely by accident. I remember he was cordial, but the encounter was so short that I didn’t really have the opportunity to apologize. 

I also remember the visceral reaction I had upon seeing him and how it made me realize I still regretted how I had hurt him. At the end of the day, he had shut the door on my chance to apologize and, out of respect for him, it was his choice whether to reopen it or not. And he didn’t, so that’s something I have to accept.

5 // Take responsibility for your actions.

When you make a mistake, you need to own up to it.

I hadn’t intended to hurt their feelings, but that’s what had happened. So I remember talking to my supervisor and the question came up: “what are you going to do about it?”

In that case, I sat down with the kid and apologized. And I got to know them better and managed to change the negative experience into a lesson learned for both of us. The child learned that it was okay to say something when someone hurts your feelings, and I learned that what one person finds harmless can really upset someone else.

The stakes only get higher as you get older, so I’m thankful that I learned at a relatively young age that the best thing you can do when you make a mistake is own it, then try your best to fix it.

6 // Speak up when someone has hurt you, overstepped boundaries, or makes you feel uncomfortable.

This is a lesson we’re usually told as youngsters, but it bears repeating over and over. In a way, I learned it from that child I mentioned in the last passage, but it also took me several more years until it clicked that the same lesson applied to me.

Hint: the same lesson probably applies to you and your situation, too.

Some people do not take boundaries well, but at the end of the day, there’s nothing worse than having someone walk all over you. You can’t be a “yes man” for your whole life, nor can you just go along with everything. Even if you’re normally pretty easy-going, it is okay to have boundaries.

When someone hurts you – speak up for yourself! When someone oversteps their boundaries let them know. If you’ve never brought it up before, this can be how you tell them what you expect from them, and if you have spoken to them about it, this can be your way of reminding them that your boundaries aren’t optional.

Either the person will take it well or they won’t. That isn’t within your control. But if they are understanding, your relationship will get stronger, and if they aren’t receptive… at least you have a clear understanding of how much they respect you (or don’t, frankly).

7 // Find people you can trust completely, then seek help from them when you need it.

There will be times where you are in trouble. And times when you just need someone to talk to. These aren’t things to be ashamed of, these are facts of life. 

Personally. Professionally. In all things. Integrity and honesty are not traits you can fake, and you will earn more respect from your peers (and yourself) if you are humble enough to admit your mistakes and responsible enough to work to fix them. 

If you’re the one taking point on correcting a mistake, you’re also going to catch less flak for it, and you’re going to show everyone around you that you can take criticism and that you’re willing to learn.

The experience that taught me this was working for an after-school program when I was a teenager. I had joked around with a lot of the children and one child had a softer shell than the rest of them and ended up very upset. 

And speaking of ‘life,’ the truth is we all have several ‘lives’: our financial life, our professional life, our love life, our emotional and mental health… Being an adult is all about multitasking all these very different functions, but the fact is very few people are good at all of these things.

So here’s where self-awareness comes into play. Are you great at some of these areas, but lacking in others? That’s okay, it’s actually normal. Think about all the successful people who have a mid-life crisis because they ignored all their stress and emotions for 20 years, focusing entirely on their financial and professional well-being.

You wouldn’t expect a business tycoon to be an expert in dating, and you wouldn’t necessarily take stock tips from Shaq, so why are you suddenly expecting yourself to be a rockstar in all these different fields?

So find someone you can trust and talk to them about what you feel you’re lacking. Sometimes all it comes down to is confidence, but other times you can learn something by leaning on someone else’s expertise. 

At the very least you end up getting some stress off your chest, so you don’t end up bottling up your anxieties until they start seeping out in other ways.

I have a bad relationship with money, for example. I get anxiety where I’ll have trouble sleeping and my chest feels tight when I talk about it, and when I was going to school in Virginia, it really got bad. I was working part-time, but relying on my stepdad to help support me (broke college student and he literally told me he would), but when it came down to actually providing said support, the money was nowhere.

I was getting mostly As and Bs, so it wasn’t the grades he objected to, instead he flat-out denied that he had ever agreed to help.

Regardless of how much of a keeper (sarcasm!) he was, the fact is that I was in the situation I was in. And it caused me so much anxiety that it started seeping into other aspects of my life. 

It became harder to study because I was tired, and I was tired because I was having trouble sleeping, and then I tried to stop looking at the mail because the bills kept piling up and if I thought about it I would get distracted, but then I got hit with late fees, and it’s all a vicious cycle.

I only got out of that predicament by asking for help. I talked to my mother. I talked to my boyfriend. I talked to my aunt. I figured out what I could do to repay them later. And the fact is: they wanted to help, once they realized I needed it. They were more than happy to step up, but they didn’t know I needed help.

Typically what happens when we feel overwhelmed with something we aren’t very good at, we avoid it. We don’t express what we’re going through, because talking about it necessitates thinking about it. And yet, when you do talk to someone about it, you always feel so relieved, like a weight is off your shoulders.

Lean into that feeling. Avoiding uncomfortable subjects can be tempting and you don’t need to spend every day embroiling yourself in your anxieties, but it can also be a trap. 

If you find someone you can rely upon for honest advice, you can get a lot farther by trusting them to help you fix the issues, instead of just ignoring them and hoping they never explode.

8 // It’s OK to restrict access to specific places in your life to specific people.

Remember I said that not everyone is worthy of your forgiveness? Not everyone is worthy of your time, either.

I don’t say that to be stuck-up or judgmental, either. I don’t mean “the poor” or “people less popular than you.” I mean people who make your life worse. You only have so much time in a day, week, month, and year. How much of that limited time are you going to dedicate to someone who negatively impacts your life?

For example, there’s my “dad.” Less than a father, he’s simply the guy who married my mother. He’s a net negative for my life. Think Hiram Lodge from Riverdale, but not a mobster… or successful.

I’m not trying to come off jaded or harp on him unnecessarily. I’m not going to rehash all the ways he’s wronged me, or repeat things from earlier in the post. I only reiterate this here to say: this is my situation with someone I view as a negative influence in my life, who I have cut out of it.

This view of mine might be somewhat generational. I know older people I talk to tend to push back a little more when it comes to respect for one’s parents, but my question to the audience now is “how far does that go?”

I ask myself the question: “What, if anything, do I owe this man who did provide some of the financial support for my upbringing, but has also repeatedly let me down, lied, cheated, mentally abused me, my brother, and my mother; the whole nine yards? What do I owe him?”

Some people would say, “Everything, he’s your father, you should respect him for the rest of your life.” I say no. Respect is earned, even towards your parents. 

Parents get respect because they love and they care for their children, and if they don’t, their children shouldn’t be shackled to notions that they are somehow supposed to dote upon their abusive elders for the rest of their lives.

That’s not healthy. It’s… well it’s a lot of things, but it isn’t healthy.

Asking these questions. Drawing a line for yourself – setting boundaries for yourself – and enforcing them. That is healthy.

I finally got this from my mother, who decided that enough is enough. She’s divorcing him, after decades of putting up with his crap. And in talking with her about her anxieties, her resentments, and her uncertainties about the future, I realized that I echoed a few of them.

It is very easy to remain comfortable. You know what they say about “a body in motion remains in motion?” The other half of the quote is, “a body that’s napping, remains napping.” Or something like that.

Even if the behavior is not healthy or helpful, we can be tempted to stick with it because it’s familiar. And even if the person is toxic as tar, we will put up with them because of this fear of… seclusion, maybe? Loneliness? A lack of other options staring you in the face?

Since the post is about me and I don’t want to just guess at my mother’s true feelings about a super complicated issue, let me say that the struggle for me is that I have this toxic man, this miserable person, on one hand, and, on the other, I have the fact that I want to love my dad. I want to have a father I can respect and love. 

Who wouldn’t want a father figure in their life? So I have this mental abuser standing over there, who I allow into my life because I am afraid that without him I will feel lacking. I won’t have that sense of a “dad” that I can lean on when times get tough.

But here’s the kicker: I could never rely on him anyway. This idea of a father figure is one that I am going to be lacking, whether or not my stepfather is in my life or not. Whether or not I allow him to continue this endless cycle of disappointing me. 

So, at the end of the day, cutting out this man is less about rejecting that role that a father is supposed to play in someone’s life, and more about saying “you are not a positive influence in my life and I am done pretending otherwise.”

When all is said and done, you don’t have unlimited time to spend on everyone. Sometimes you even have to limit the time you spend with friends, bosses, co-workers, etc. This becomes tougher when it comes to family because there’s a lot of pressure to put family first.

My lesson for the day, the TLDR version anyway, is that blood isn’t thicker than water when it comes to how someone treats you. If your family doesn’t respect you, love you, and make you stronger, then the logical conclusion is to limit how much time and energy you allow for them.

That doesn’t have to be an absolute cutting-off, but it could be. The only one who can really decide what is appropriate is you. If you have a family member that invalidates you, hurts you, or generally makes your life worse, you are allowed to cut that person off .

Your sanity is worth so much more than empty quotes about family from people who use them as weapons.

9 // If your work life is trash, find something better, try to up your education game or quit if you can.

I remember working for a law firm, and as someone who is very lively and happy, that place sucked the life out of me.

I had a co-worker who abruptly quit and I was thrust into handling the office all by myself for practically two months before a replacement was found. I’d already put in vacation time from months prior before this occurred, too, and I wasn’t giving them up for anyone.

I was uncomfortable in wanting to say no to attorneys who needed work done that I just couldn’t get to when they wanted and they overstepped boundaries that I otherwise wouldn’t have let people in my personal life get away with.

So why did I let it go on? Because I felt like I had no other option.

Well, they ended up hiring someone to take my place even though I had streamlined processes and worked my absolute butt off for them. They hired someone to take my place even though I rearranged my days off, and stayed late if I needed to. 

All those times I remembered how certain clients liked their coffee so that my lawyers could have that little extra touch of sincerity to start their meetings? They still hired someone to take my place.

To them, it was a business decision and nothing more. But what that implies is that your feelings of loyalty to your employer aren’t necessarily misguided… but they might be. 

Women especially are pressured to care so much about our families, so much about our jobs, to always go the extra mile, but if that never translates into reciprocated loyalty, why should we?

I was in a privileged place when I left that law firm and I could try to finish my education. I know that there are a lot of people who simply don’t have the means to do so, and that’s OK. 

But if you are in a place in life where you can find something better, do it. If you are comfortable and that’s why you put up with the bullshit… update your resume. 

Poke your head up out of the sand and just make sure you’re still on the right beach.

Because employers are going to pay you as little as they can get away with, not as much as you are worth. They are not going to pay you what your loyalty warrants, either. They are not going to give you extra vacation days or pay for your health care deductible if a medical emergency comes up. 

I mean… if you find yourself working for the exception, forget this whole section, they deserve your loyalty. But for the vast majority, if you had a crisis in your life and you couldn’t work, they would simply replace you.

So if you’re not happy, consider replacing them. Stop settling for mediocrity.

P.S. If you’re looking for a way to learn information in order to leave your awful space try Coursera (it’s where I’m taking my Project Management course!)

10 // The longer you procrastinate to start something, the more overwhelmed you’ll feel. So be like Shia LaBeouf, and just do it.

I am the Queen of Procrastination.

I have had many ideas for YouTube channels that I had 10 years ago, thought about doing over and over again, and never did them. And then a channel comes out with the idea that I had and starts making millions. Of course, I then feel like a sourpuss because I’m terrified of starting something that I think won’t do well.

But, I tend to have good ideas. I suck at execution.

Even if you don’t have any good ideas, or you’re scared of the outcome, do it anyway. Bite the bullet and just do it.

I’ll use this blog, Lemonade + Adventure, as an example. I had wanted to start blogging over a year ago but didn’t think about it seriously until we were in the middle of the Pandemic of 2020. It wasn’t until I was laid off and needing something to do that I seriously looked into what I can do to support myself as a business owner. I chose to blog as one venture.

In terms of blogging as a business, if I had started earlier, I’d be much farther along already. But on the other hand, I can already see this starting to come together. 

Whether, in 10 years’ time, I’m doing this or life leads me down a different path, I can’t say for certain right now. But I’ve got lessons that I’ve got to learn. And I know that I learn by doing.

So if you are like me, then stop overthinking and start doing.

Life Experiences That Taught A Lesson Conclusion

We all have life experiences that we can siphon a lesson or two from. You have lessons that you can learn from, too. I’d love to hear your stories of experiences you’ve learned from and the lessons you gleaned.

P.S. I was super sick when I wrote this so I’m surprised I got this all off my chest. Yay me, I guess? 😛

Related Article: 60+ Unique & Thoughtful Ways to Take Care of Yourself For Women In Their 20s

Personal life experience stories, leave a reply cancel reply.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

• Share full article

Advertisement

Supported by

Letter of Recommendation

What I’ve Learned From My Students’ College Essays

The genre is often maligned for being formulaic and melodramatic, but it’s more important than you think.

By Nell Freudenberger

Most high school seniors approach the college essay with dread. Either their upbringing hasn’t supplied them with several hundred words of adversity, or worse, they’re afraid that packaging the genuine trauma they’ve experienced is the only way to secure their future. The college counselor at the Brooklyn high school where I’m a writing tutor advises against trauma porn. “Keep it brief , ” she says, “and show how you rose above it.”

I started volunteering in New York City schools in my 20s, before I had kids of my own. At the time, I liked hanging out with teenagers, whom I sometimes had more interesting conversations with than I did my peers. Often I worked with students who spoke English as a second language or who used slang in their writing, and at first I was hung up on grammar. Should I correct any deviation from “standard English” to appeal to some Wizard of Oz behind the curtains of a college admissions office? Or should I encourage students to write the way they speak, in pursuit of an authentic voice, that most elusive of literary qualities?

In fact, I was missing the point. One of many lessons the students have taught me is to let the story dictate the voice of the essay. A few years ago, I worked with a boy who claimed to have nothing to write about. His life had been ordinary, he said; nothing had happened to him. I asked if he wanted to try writing about a family member, his favorite school subject, a summer job? He glanced at his phone, his posture and expression suggesting that he’d rather be anywhere but in front of a computer with me. “Hobbies?” I suggested, without much hope. He gave me a shy glance. “I like to box,” he said.

I’ve had this experience with reluctant writers again and again — when a topic clicks with a student, an essay can unfurl spontaneously. Of course the primary goal of a college essay is to help its author get an education that leads to a career. Changes in testing policies and financial aid have made applying to college more confusing than ever, but essays have remained basically the same. I would argue that they’re much more than an onerous task or rote exercise, and that unlike standardized tests they are infinitely variable and sometimes beautiful. College essays also provide an opportunity to learn precision, clarity and the process of working toward the truth through multiple revisions.

When a topic clicks with a student, an essay can unfurl spontaneously.

Even if writing doesn’t end up being fundamental to their future professions, students learn to choose language carefully and to be suspicious of the first words that come to mind. Especially now, as college students shoulder so much of the country’s ethical responsibility for war with their protest movement, essay writing teaches prospective students an increasingly urgent lesson: that choosing their own words over ready-made phrases is the only reliable way to ensure they’re thinking for themselves.

Teenagers are ideal writers for several reasons. They’re usually free of preconceptions about writing, and they tend not to use self-consciously ‘‘literary’’ language. They’re allergic to hypocrisy and are generally unfiltered: They overshare, ask personal questions and call you out for microaggressions as well as less egregious (but still mortifying) verbal errors, such as referring to weed as ‘‘pot.’’ Most important, they have yet to put down their best stories in a finished form.

I can imagine an essay taking a risk and distinguishing itself formally — a poem or a one-act play — but most kids use a more straightforward model: a hook followed by a narrative built around “small moments” that lead to a concluding lesson or aspiration for the future. I never get tired of working with students on these essays because each one is different, and the short, rigid form sometimes makes an emotional story even more powerful. Before I read Javier Zamora’s wrenching “Solito,” I worked with a student who had been transported by a coyote into the U.S. and was reunited with his mother in the parking lot of a big-box store. I don’t remember whether this essay focused on specific skills or coping mechanisms that he gained from his ordeal. I remember only the bliss of the parent-and-child reunion in that uninspiring setting. If I were making a case to an admissions officer, I would suggest that simply being able to convey that experience demonstrates the kind of resilience that any college should admire.

The essays that have stayed with me over the years don’t follow a pattern. There are some narratives on very predictable topics — living up to the expectations of immigrant parents, or suffering from depression in 2020 — that are moving because of the attention with which the student describes the experience. One girl determined to become an engineer while watching her father build furniture from scraps after work; a boy, grieving for his mother during lockdown, began taking pictures of the sky.

If, as Lorrie Moore said, “a short story is a love affair; a novel is a marriage,” what is a college essay? Every once in a while I sit down next to a student and start reading, and I have to suppress my excitement, because there on the Google Doc in front of me is a real writer’s voice. One of the first students I ever worked with wrote about falling in love with another girl in dance class, the absolute magic of watching her move and the terror in the conflict between her feelings and the instruction of her religious middle school. She made me think that college essays are less like love than limerence: one-sided, obsessive, idiosyncratic but profound, the first draft of the most personal story their writers will ever tell.

Nell Freudenberger’s novel “The Limits” was published by Knopf last month. She volunteers through the PEN America Writers in the Schools program.