essay about experience during pandemic

Read these 12 moving essays about life during coronavirus

Artists, novelists, critics, and essayists are writing the first draft of history.

by Alissa Wilkinson

The world is grappling with an invisible, deadly enemy, trying to understand how to live with the threat posed by a virus . For some writers, the only way forward is to put pen to paper, trying to conceptualize and document what it feels like to continue living as countries are under lockdown and regular life seems to have ground to a halt.

So as the coronavirus pandemic has stretched around the world, it’s sparked a crop of diary entries and essays that describe how life has changed. Novelists, critics, artists, and journalists have put words to the feelings many are experiencing. The result is a first draft of how we’ll someday remember this time, filled with uncertainty and pain and fear as well as small moments of hope and humanity.

• The Vox guide to navigating the coronavirus crisis

At the New York Review of Books, Ali Bhutto writes that in Karachi, Pakistan, the government-imposed curfew due to the virus is “eerily reminiscent of past military clampdowns”:

Beneath the quiet calm lies a sense that society has been unhinged and that the usual rules no longer apply. Small groups of pedestrians look on from the shadows, like an audience watching a spectacle slowly unfolding. People pause on street corners and in the shade of trees, under the watchful gaze of the paramilitary forces and the police.

His essay concludes with the sobering note that “in the minds of many, Covid-19 is just another life-threatening hazard in a city that stumbles from one crisis to another.”

Writing from Chattanooga, novelist Jamie Quatro documents the mixed ways her neighbors have been responding to the threat, and the frustration of conflicting direction, or no direction at all, from local, state, and federal leaders:

Whiplash, trying to keep up with who’s ordering what. We’re already experiencing enough chaos without this back-and-forth. Why didn’t the federal government issue a nationwide shelter-in-place at the get-go, the way other countries did? What happens when one state’s shelter-in-place ends, while others continue? Do states still under quarantine close their borders? We  are  still one nation, not fifty individual countries. Right?

• A syllabus for the end of the world

Award-winning photojournalist Alessio Mamo, quarantined with his partner Marta in Sicily after she tested positive for the virus, accompanies his photographs in the Guardian of their confinement with a reflection on being confined :

The doctors asked me to take a second test, but again I tested negative. Perhaps I’m immune? The days dragged on in my apartment, in black and white, like my photos. Sometimes we tried to smile, imagining that I was asymptomatic, because I was the virus. Our smiles seemed to bring good news. My mother left hospital, but I won’t be able to see her for weeks. Marta started breathing well again, and so did I. I would have liked to photograph my country in the midst of this emergency, the battles that the doctors wage on the frontline, the hospitals pushed to their limits, Italy on its knees fighting an invisible enemy. That enemy, a day in March, knocked on my door instead.

In the New York Times Magazine, deputy editor Jessica Lustig writes with devastating clarity about her family’s life in Brooklyn while her husband battled the virus, weeks before most people began taking the threat seriously:

At the door of the clinic, we stand looking out at two older women chatting outside the doorway, oblivious. Do I wave them away? Call out that they should get far away, go home, wash their hands, stay inside? Instead we just stand there, awkwardly, until they move on. Only then do we step outside to begin the long three-block walk home. I point out the early magnolia, the forsythia. T says he is cold. The untrimmed hairs on his neck, under his beard, are white. The few people walking past us on the sidewalk don’t know that we are visitors from the future. A vision, a premonition, a walking visitation. This will be them: Either T, in the mask, or — if they’re lucky — me, tending to him.

Essayist Leslie Jamison writes in the New York Review of Books about being shut away alone in her New York City apartment with her 2-year-old daughter since she became sick:

The virus.  Its sinewy, intimate name. What does it feel like in my body today? Shivering under blankets. A hot itch behind the eyes. Three sweatshirts in the middle of the day. My daughter trying to pull another blanket over my body with her tiny arms. An ache in the muscles that somehow makes it hard to lie still. This loss of taste has become a kind of sensory quarantine. It’s as if the quarantine keeps inching closer and closer to my insides. First I lost the touch of other bodies; then I lost the air; now I’ve lost the taste of bananas. Nothing about any of these losses is particularly unique. I’ve made a schedule so I won’t go insane with the toddler. Five days ago, I wrote  Walk/Adventure!  on it, next to a cut-out illustration of a tiger—as if we’d see tigers on our walks. It was good to keep possibility alive.

At Literary Hub, novelist Heidi Pitlor writes about the elastic nature of time during her family’s quarantine in Massachusetts:

During a shutdown, the things that mark our days—commuting to work, sending our kids to school, having a drink with friends—vanish and time takes on a flat, seamless quality. Without some self-imposed structure, it’s easy to feel a little untethered. A friend recently posted on Facebook: “For those who have lost track, today is Blursday the fortyteenth of Maprilay.” ... Giving shape to time is especially important now, when the future is so shapeless. We do not know whether the virus will continue to rage for weeks or months or, lord help us, on and off for years. We do not know when we will feel safe again. And so many of us, minus those who are gifted at compartmentalization or denial, remain largely captive to fear. We may stay this way if we do not create at least the illusion of movement in our lives, our long days spent with ourselves or partners or families.

• What day is it today?

Novelist Lauren Groff writes at the New York Review of Books about trying to escape the prison of her fears while sequestered at home in Gainesville, Florida:

Some people have imaginations sparked only by what they can see; I blame this blinkered empiricism for the parks overwhelmed with people, the bars, until a few nights ago, thickly thronged. My imagination is the opposite. I fear everything invisible to me. From the enclosure of my house, I am afraid of the suffering that isn’t present before me, the people running out of money and food or drowning in the fluid in their lungs, the deaths of health-care workers now growing ill while performing their duties. I fear the federal government, which the right wing has so—intentionally—weakened that not only is it insufficient to help its people, it is actively standing in help’s way. I fear we won’t sufficiently punish the right. I fear leaving the house and spreading the disease. I fear what this time of fear is doing to my children, their imaginations, and their souls.

At ArtForum , Berlin-based critic and writer Kristian Vistrup Madsen reflects on martinis, melancholia, and Finnish artist Jaakko Pallasvuo’s 2018 graphic novel  Retreat , in which three young people exile themselves in the woods:

In melancholia, the shape of what is ending, and its temporality, is sprawling and incomprehensible. The ambivalence makes it hard to bear. The world of  Retreat  is rendered in lush pink and purple watercolors, which dissolve into wild and messy abstractions. In apocalypse, the divisions established in genesis bleed back out. My own Corona-retreat is similarly soft, color-field like, each day a blurred succession of quarantinis, YouTube–yoga, and televized press conferences. As restrictions mount, so does abstraction. For now, I’m still rooting for love to save the world.

At the Paris Review , Matt Levin writes about reading Virginia Woolf’s novel The Waves during quarantine:

A retreat, a quarantine, a sickness—they simultaneously distort and clarify, curtail and expand. It is an ideal state in which to read literature with a reputation for difficulty and inaccessibility, those hermetic books shorn of the handholds of conventional plot or characterization or description. A novel like Virginia Woolf’s  The Waves  is perfect for the state of interiority induced by quarantine—a story of three men and three women, meeting after the death of a mutual friend, told entirely in the overlapping internal monologues of the six, interspersed only with sections of pure, achingly beautiful descriptions of the natural world, a day’s procession and recession of light and waves. The novel is, in my mind’s eye, a perfectly spherical object. It is translucent and shimmering and infinitely fragile, prone to shatter at the slightest disturbance. It is not a book that can be read in snatches on the subway—it demands total absorption. Though it revels in a stark emotional nakedness, the book remains aloof, remote in its own deep self-absorption.

• Vox is starting a book club. Come read with us!

In an essay for the Financial Times, novelist Arundhati Roy writes with anger about Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s anemic response to the threat, but also offers a glimmer of hope for the future:

Historically, pandemics have forced humans to break with the past and imagine their world anew. This one is no different. It is a portal, a gateway between one world and the next. We can choose to walk through it, dragging the carcasses of our prejudice and hatred, our avarice, our data banks and dead ideas, our dead rivers and smoky skies behind us. Or we can walk through lightly, with little luggage, ready to imagine another world. And ready to fight for it. 

From Boston, Nora Caplan-Bricker writes in The Point about the strange contraction of space under quarantine, in which a friend in Beirut is as close as the one around the corner in the same city:

It’s a nice illusion—nice to feel like we’re in it together, even if my real world has shrunk to one person, my husband, who sits with his laptop in the other room. It’s nice in the same way as reading those essays that reframe social distancing as solidarity. “We must begin to see the negative space as clearly as the positive, to know what we  don’t do  is also brilliant and full of love,” the poet Anne Boyer wrote on March 10th, the day that Massachusetts declared a state of emergency. If you squint, you could almost make sense of this quarantine as an effort to flatten, along with the curve, the distinctions we make between our bonds with others. Right now, I care for my neighbor in the same way I demonstrate love for my mother: in all instances, I stay away. And in moments this month, I have loved strangers with an intensity that is new to me. On March 14th, the Saturday night after the end of life as we knew it, I went out with my dog and found the street silent: no lines for restaurants, no children on bicycles, no couples strolling with little cups of ice cream. It had taken the combined will of thousands of people to deliver such a sudden and complete emptiness. I felt so grateful, and so bereft.

And on his own website, musician and artist David Byrne writes about rediscovering the value of working for collective good , saying that “what is happening now is an opportunity to learn how to change our behavior”:

In emergencies, citizens can suddenly cooperate and collaborate. Change can happen. We’re going to need to work together as the effects of climate change ramp up. In order for capitalism to survive in any form, we will have to be a little more socialist. Here is an opportunity for us to see things differently — to see that we really are all connected — and adjust our behavior accordingly.  Are we willing to do this? Is this moment an opportunity to see how truly interdependent we all are? To live in a world that is different and better than the one we live in now? We might be too far down the road to test every asymptomatic person, but a change in our mindsets, in how we view our neighbors, could lay the groundwork for the collective action we’ll need to deal with other global crises. The time to see how connected we all are is now.

The portrait these writers paint of a world under quarantine is multifaceted. Our worlds have contracted to the confines of our homes, and yet in some ways we’re more connected than ever to one another. We feel fear and boredom, anger and gratitude, frustration and strange peace. Uncertainty drives us to find metaphors and images that will let us wrap our minds around what is happening.

Yet there’s no single “what” that is happening. Everyone is contending with the pandemic and its effects from different places and in different ways. Reading others’ experiences — even the most frightening ones — can help alleviate the loneliness and dread, a little, and remind us that what we’re going through is both unique and shared by all.

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Home — Essay Samples — Nursing & Health — Covid 19 — My Experience during the COVID-19 Pandemic

My Experience During The Covid-19 Pandemic

• Categories: Covid 19

About this sample

Words: 440 |

Published: Jan 30, 2024

Words: 440 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Table of contents

Introduction, physical impact, mental and emotional impact, social impact.

• World Health Organization. (2021). Coronavirus (COVID-19) Dashboard. https://covid19.who.int/
• American Psychiatric Association. (2020). Mental health and COVID-19. https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/apa-blog/2020/03/mental-health-and-covid-19
• The New York Times. (2020). Coping with Coronavirus Anxiety. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/11/well/family/coronavirus-anxiety-mental-health.html

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Coronavirus: My Experience During the Pandemic

Anastasiya Kandratsenka George Washington High School, Class of 2021

At this point in time there shouldn't be a single person who doesn't know about the coronavirus, or as they call it, COVID-19. The coronavirus is a virus that originated in China, reached the U.S. and eventually spread all over the world by January of 2020. The common symptoms of the virus include shortness of breath, chills, sore throat, headache, loss of taste and smell, runny nose, vomiting and nausea. As it has been established, it might take up to 14 days for the symptoms to show. On top of that, the virus is also highly contagious putting all age groups at risk. The elderly and individuals with chronic diseases such as pneumonia or heart disease are in the top risk as the virus attacks the immune system. 

The virus first appeared on the news and media platforms in the month of January of this year. The United States and many other countries all over the globe saw no reason to panic as it seemed that the virus presented no possible threat. Throughout the next upcoming months, the virus began to spread very quickly, alerting health officials not only in the U.S., but all over the world. As people started digging into the origin of the virus, it became clear that it originated in China. Based on everything scientists have looked at, the virus came from a bat that later infected other animals, making it way to humans. As it goes for the United States, the numbers started rising quickly, resulting in the cancellation of sports events, concerts, large gatherings and then later on schools. 

As it goes personally for me, my school was shut down on March 13th. The original plan was to put us on a two weeks leave, returning on March 30th but, as the virus spread rapidly and things began escalating out of control very quickly, President Trump announced a state of emergency and the whole country was put on quarantine until April 30th. At that point, schools were officially shut down for the rest of the school year. Distanced learning was introduced, online classes were established, a new norm was put in place. As for the School District of Philadelphia distanced learning and online classes began on May 4th. From that point on I would have classes four times a week, from 8AM till 3PM. Virtual learning was something that I never had to experience and encounter before. It was all new and different for me, just as it was for millions of students all over the United States. We were forced to transfer from physically attending school, interacting with our peers and teachers, participating in fun school events and just being in a classroom setting, to just looking at each other through a computer screen in a number of days. That is something that we all could have never seen coming, it was all so sudden and new. 

My experience with distanced learning was not very great. I get distracted very easily and   find it hard to concentrate, especially when it comes to school. In a classroom I was able to give my full attention to what was being taught, I was all there. However, when we had the online classes, I could not focus and listen to what my teachers were trying to get across. I got distracted very easily, missing out on important information that was being presented. My entire family which consists of five members, were all home during the quarantine. I have two little siblings who are very loud and demanding, so I’m sure it can be imagined how hard it was for me to concentrate on school and do what was asked of me when I had these two running around the house. On top of school, I also had to find a job and work 35 hours a week to support my family during the pandemic. My mother lost her job for the time being and my father was only able to work from home. As we have a big family, the income of my father was not enough. I made it my duty to help out and support our family as much as I could: I got a job at a local supermarket and worked there as a cashier for over two months. 

While I worked at the supermarket, I was exposed to dozens of people every day and with all the protection that was implemented to protect the customers and the workers, I was lucky enough to not get the virus. As I say that, my grandparents who do not even live in the U.S. were not so lucky. They got the virus and spent over a month isolated, in a hospital bed, with no one by their side. Our only way of communicating was through the phone and if lucky, we got to talk once a week. Speaking for my family, that was the worst and scariest part of the whole situation. Luckily for us, they were both able to recover completely. 

As the pandemic is somewhat under control, the spread of the virus has slowed down. We’re now living in the new norm. We no longer view things the same, the way we did before. Large gatherings and activities that require large groups to come together are now unimaginable! Distanced learning is what we know, not to mention the importance of social distancing and having to wear masks anywhere and everywhere we go. This is the new norm now and who knows when and if ever we’ll be able go back to what we knew before. This whole experience has made me realize that we, as humans, tend to take things for granted and don’t value what we have until it is taken away from us. 

Articles in this Volume

[tid]: dedication, [tid]: new tools for a new house: transformations for justice and peace in and beyond covid-19, [tid]: black lives matter, intersectionality, and lgbtq rights now, [tid]: the voice of asian american youth: what goes untold, [tid]: beyond words: reimagining education through art and activism, [tid]: voice(s) of a black man, [tid]: embodied learning and community resilience, [tid]: re-imagining professional learning in a time of social isolation: storytelling as a tool for healing and professional growth, [tid]: reckoning: what does it mean to look forward and back together as critical educators, [tid]: leader to leaders: an indigenous school leader’s advice through storytelling about grief and covid-19, [tid]: finding hope, healing and liberation beyond covid-19 within a context of captivity and carcerality, [tid]: flux leadership: leading for justice and peace in & beyond covid-19, [tid]: flux leadership: insights from the (virtual) field, [tid]: hard pivot: compulsory crisis leadership emerges from a space of doubt, [tid]: and how are the children, [tid]: real talk: teaching and leading while bipoc, [tid]: systems of emotional support for educators in crisis, [tid]: listening leadership: the student voices project, [tid]: global engagement, perspective-sharing, & future-seeing in & beyond a global crisis, [tid]: teaching and leadership during covid-19: lessons from lived experiences, [tid]: crisis leadership in independent schools - styles & literacies, [tid]: rituals, routines and relationships: high school athletes and coaches in flux, [tid]: superintendent back-to-school welcome 2020, [tid]: mitigating summer learning loss in philadelphia during covid-19: humble attempts from the field, [tid]: untitled, [tid]: the revolution will not be on linkedin: student activism and neoliberalism, [tid]: why radical self-care cannot wait: strategies for black women leaders now, [tid]: from emergency response to critical transformation: online learning in a time of flux, [tid]: illness methodology for and beyond the covid era, [tid]: surviving black girl magic, the work, and the dissertation, [tid]: cancelled: the old student experience, [tid]: lessons from liberia: integrating theatre for development and youth development in uncertain times, [tid]: designing a more accessible future: learning from covid-19, [tid]: the construct of standards-based education, [tid]: teachers leading teachers to prepare for back to school during covid, [tid]: using empathy to cross the sea of humanity, [tid]: (un)doing college, community, and relationships in the time of coronavirus, [tid]: have we learned nothing, [tid]: choosing growth amidst chaos, [tid]: living freire in pandemic….participatory action research and democratizing knowledge at knowledgedemocracy.org, [tid]: philly students speak: voices of learning in pandemics, [tid]: the power of will: a letter to my descendant, [tid]: photo essays with students, [tid]: unity during a global pandemic: how the fight for racial justice made us unite against two diseases, [tid]: educational changes caused by the pandemic and other related social issues, [tid]: online learning during difficult times, [tid]: fighting crisis: a student perspective, [tid]: the destruction of soil rooted with culture, [tid]: a demand for change, [tid]: education through experience in and beyond the pandemics, [tid]: the pandemic diaries, [tid]: all for one and 4 for $4, [tid]: tiktok activism, [tid]: why digital learning may be the best option for next year, [tid]: my 2020 teen experience, [tid]: living between two pandemics, [tid]: journaling during isolation: the gold standard of coronavirus, [tid]: sailing through uncertainty, [tid]: what i wish my teachers knew, [tid]: youthing in pandemic while black, [tid]: the pain inflicted by indifference, [tid]: education during the pandemic, [tid]: the good, the bad, and the year 2020, [tid]: racism fueled pandemic, [tid]: coronavirus: my experience during the pandemic, [tid]: the desensitization of a doomed generation, [tid]: a philadelphia war-zone, [tid]: the attack of the covid monster, [tid]: back-to-school: covid-19 edition, [tid]: the unexpected war, [tid]: learning outside of the classroom, [tid]: why we should learn about college financial aid in school: a student perspective, [tid]: flying the plane as we go: building the future through a haze, [tid]: my covid experience in the age of technology, [tid]: we, i, and they, [tid]: learning your a, b, cs during a pandemic, [tid]: quarantine: a musical, [tid]: what it’s like being a high school student in 2020, [tid]: everything happens for a reason, [tid]: blacks live matter – a sobering and empowering reality among my peers, [tid]: the mental health of a junior during covid-19 outbreaks, [tid]: a year of change, [tid]: covid-19 and school, [tid]: the virtues and vices of virtual learning, [tid]: college decisions and the year 2020: a virtual rollercoaster, [tid]: quarantine thoughts, [tid]: quarantine through generation z, [tid]: attending online school during a pandemic.

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I Thought We’d Learned Nothing From the Pandemic. I Wasn’t Seeing the Full Picture

M y first home had a back door that opened to a concrete patio with a giant crack down the middle. When my sister and I played, I made sure to stay on the same side of the divide as her, just in case. The 1988 film The Land Before Time was one of the first movies I ever saw, and the image of the earth splintering into pieces planted its roots in my brain. I believed that, even in my own backyard, I could easily become the tiny Triceratops separated from her family, on the other side of the chasm, as everything crumbled into chaos.

Some 30 years later, I marvel at the eerie, unexpected ways that cartoonish nightmare came to life – not just for me and my family, but for all of us. The landscape was already covered in fissures well before COVID-19 made its way across the planet, but the pandemic applied pressure, and the cracks broke wide open, separating us from each other physically and ideologically. Under the weight of the crisis, we scattered and landed on such different patches of earth we could barely see each other’s faces, even when we squinted. We disagreed viciously with each other, about how to respond, but also about what was true.

Recently, someone asked me if we’ve learned anything from the pandemic, and my first thought was a flat no. Nothing. There was a time when I thought it would be the very thing to draw us together and catapult us – as a capital “S” Society – into a kinder future. It’s surreal to remember those early days when people rallied together, sewing masks for health care workers during critical shortages and gathering on balconies in cities from Dallas to New York City to clap and sing songs like “Yellow Submarine.” It felt like a giant lightning bolt shot across the sky, and for one breath, we all saw something that had been hidden in the dark – the inherent vulnerability in being human or maybe our inescapable connectedness .

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But it turns out, it was just a flash. The goodwill vanished as quickly as it appeared. A couple of years later, people feel lied to, abandoned, and all on their own. I’ve felt my own curiosity shrinking, my willingness to reach out waning , my ability to keep my hands open dwindling. I look out across the landscape and see selfishness and rage, burnt earth and so many dead bodies. Game over. We lost. And if we’ve already lost, why try?

Still, the question kept nagging me. I wondered, am I seeing the full picture? What happens when we focus not on the collective society but at one face, one story at a time? I’m not asking for a bow to minimize the suffering – a pretty flourish to put on top and make the whole thing “worth it.” Yuck. That’s not what we need. But I wondered about deep, quiet growth. The kind we feel in our bodies, relationships, homes, places of work, neighborhoods.

Like a walkie-talkie message sent to my allies on the ground, I posted a call on my Instagram. What do you see? What do you hear? What feels possible? Is there life out here? Sprouting up among the rubble? I heard human voices calling back – reports of life, personal and specific. I heard one story at a time – stories of grief and distrust, fury and disappointment. Also gratitude. Discovery. Determination.

Among the most prevalent were the stories of self-revelation. Almost as if machines were given the chance to live as humans, people described blossoming into fuller selves. They listened to their bodies’ cues, recognized their desires and comforts, tuned into their gut instincts, and honored the intuition they hadn’t realized belonged to them. Alex, a writer and fellow disabled parent, found the freedom to explore a fuller version of herself in the privacy the pandemic provided. “The way I dress, the way I love, and the way I carry myself have both shrunk and expanded,” she shared. “I don’t love myself very well with an audience.” Without the daily ritual of trying to pass as “normal” in public, Tamar, a queer mom in the Netherlands, realized she’s autistic. “I think the pandemic helped me to recognize the mask,” she wrote. “Not that unmasking is easy now. But at least I know it’s there.” In a time of widespread suffering that none of us could solve on our own, many tended to our internal wounds and misalignments, large and small, and found clarity.

Read More: A Tool for Staying Grounded in This Era of Constant Uncertainty

I wonder if this flourishing of self-awareness is at least partially responsible for the life alterations people pursued. The pandemic broke open our personal notions of work and pushed us to reevaluate things like time and money. Lucy, a disabled writer in the U.K., made the hard decision to leave her job as a journalist covering Westminster to write freelance about her beloved disability community. “This work feels important in a way nothing else has ever felt,” she wrote. “I don’t think I’d have realized this was what I should be doing without the pandemic.” And she wasn’t alone – many people changed jobs , moved, learned new skills and hobbies, became politically engaged.

Perhaps more than any other shifts, people described a significant reassessment of their relationships. They set boundaries, said no, had challenging conversations. They also reconnected, fell in love, and learned to trust. Jeanne, a quilter in Indiana, got to know relatives she wouldn’t have connected with if lockdowns hadn’t prompted weekly family Zooms. “We are all over the map as regards to our belief systems,” she emphasized, “but it is possible to love people you don’t see eye to eye with on every issue.” Anna, an anti-violence advocate in Maine, learned she could trust her new marriage: “Life was not a honeymoon. But we still chose to turn to each other with kindness and curiosity.” So many bonds forged and broken, strengthened and strained.

Instead of relying on default relationships or institutional structures, widespread recalibrations allowed for going off script and fortifying smaller communities. Mara from Idyllwild, Calif., described the tangible plan for care enacted in her town. “We started a mutual-aid group at the beginning of the pandemic,” she wrote, “and it grew so quickly before we knew it we were feeding 400 of the 4000 residents.” She didn’t pretend the conditions were ideal. In fact, she expressed immense frustration with our collective response to the pandemic. Even so, the local group rallied and continues to offer assistance to their community with help from donations and volunteers (many of whom were originally on the receiving end of support). “I’ve learned that people thrive when they feel their connection to others,” she wrote. Clare, a teacher from the U.K., voiced similar conviction as she described a giant scarf she’s woven out of ribbons, each representing a single person. The scarf is “a collection of stories, moments and wisdom we are sharing with each other,” she wrote. It now stretches well over 1,000 feet.

A few hours into reading the comments, I lay back on my bed, phone held against my chest. The room was quiet, but my internal world was lighting up with firefly flickers. What felt different? Surely part of it was receiving personal accounts of deep-rooted growth. And also, there was something to the mere act of asking and listening. Maybe it connected me to humans before battle cries. Maybe it was the chance to be in conversation with others who were also trying to understand – what is happening to us? Underneath it all, an undeniable thread remained; I saw people peering into the mess and narrating their findings onto the shared frequency. Every comment was like a flare into the sky. I’m here! And if the sky is full of flares, we aren’t alone.

I recognized my own pandemic discoveries – some minor, others massive. Like washing off thick eyeliner and mascara every night is more effort than it’s worth; I can transform the mundane into the magical with a bedsheet, a movie projector, and twinkle lights; my paralyzed body can mother an infant in ways I’d never seen modeled for me. I remembered disappointing, bewildering conversations within my own family of origin and our imperfect attempts to remain close while also seeing things so differently. I realized that every time I get the weekly invite to my virtual “Find the Mumsies” call, with a tiny group of moms living hundreds of miles apart, I’m being welcomed into a pocket of unexpected community. Even though we’ve never been in one room all together, I’ve felt an uncommon kind of solace in their now-familiar faces.

Hope is a slippery thing. I desperately want to hold onto it, but everywhere I look there are real, weighty reasons to despair. The pandemic marks a stretch on the timeline that tangles with a teetering democracy, a deteriorating planet , the loss of human rights that once felt unshakable . When the world is falling apart Land Before Time style, it can feel trite, sniffing out the beauty – useless, firing off flares to anyone looking for signs of life. But, while I’m under no delusions that if we just keep trudging forward we’ll find our own oasis of waterfalls and grassy meadows glistening in the sunshine beneath a heavenly chorus, I wonder if trivializing small acts of beauty, connection, and hope actually cuts us off from resources essential to our survival. The group of abandoned dinosaurs were keeping each other alive and making each other laugh well before they made it to their fantasy ending.

Read More: How Ice Cream Became My Own Personal Act of Resistance

After the monarch butterfly went on the endangered-species list, my friend and fellow writer Hannah Soyer sent me wildflower seeds to plant in my yard. A simple act of big hope – that I will actually plant them, that they will grow, that a monarch butterfly will receive nourishment from whatever blossoms are able to push their way through the dirt. There are so many ways that could fail. But maybe the outcome wasn’t exactly the point. Maybe hope is the dogged insistence – the stubborn defiance – to continue cultivating moments of beauty regardless. There is value in the planting apart from the harvest.

I can’t point out a single collective lesson from the pandemic. It’s hard to see any great “we.” Still, I see the faces in my moms’ group, making pancakes for their kids and popping on between strings of meetings while we try to figure out how to raise these small people in this chaotic world. I think of my friends on Instagram tending to the selves they discovered when no one was watching and the scarf of ribbons stretching the length of more than three football fields. I remember my family of three, holding hands on the way up the ramp to the library. These bits of growth and rings of support might not be loud or right on the surface, but that’s not the same thing as nothing. If we only cared about the bottom-line defeats or sweeping successes of the big picture, we’d never plant flowers at all.

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How to Write About Coronavirus in a College Essay

Students can share how they navigated life during the coronavirus pandemic in a full-length essay or an optional supplement.

Writing About COVID-19 in College Essays

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Experts say students should be honest and not limit themselves to merely their experiences with the pandemic.

The global impact of COVID-19, the disease caused by the novel coronavirus, means colleges and prospective students alike are in for an admissions cycle like no other. Both face unprecedented challenges and questions as they grapple with their respective futures amid the ongoing fallout of the pandemic.

Colleges must examine applicants without the aid of standardized test scores for many – a factor that prompted many schools to go test-optional for now . Even grades, a significant component of a college application, may be hard to interpret with some high schools adopting pass-fail classes last spring due to the pandemic. Major college admissions factors are suddenly skewed.

"I can't help but think other (admissions) factors are going to matter more," says Ethan Sawyer, founder of the College Essay Guy, a website that offers free and paid essay-writing resources.

College essays and letters of recommendation , Sawyer says, are likely to carry more weight than ever in this admissions cycle. And many essays will likely focus on how the pandemic shaped students' lives throughout an often tumultuous 2020.

But before writing a college essay focused on the coronavirus, students should explore whether it's the best topic for them.

Writing About COVID-19 for a College Application

Much of daily life has been colored by the coronavirus. Virtual learning is the norm at many colleges and high schools, many extracurriculars have vanished and social lives have stalled for students complying with measures to stop the spread of COVID-19.

"For some young people, the pandemic took away what they envisioned as their senior year," says Robert Alexander, dean of admissions, financial aid and enrollment management at the University of Rochester in New York. "Maybe that's a spot on a varsity athletic team or the lead role in the fall play. And it's OK for them to mourn what should have been and what they feel like they lost, but more important is how are they making the most of the opportunities they do have?"

That question, Alexander says, is what colleges want answered if students choose to address COVID-19 in their college essay.

But the question of whether a student should write about the coronavirus is tricky. The answer depends largely on the student.

"In general, I don't think students should write about COVID-19 in their main personal statement for their application," Robin Miller, master college admissions counselor at IvyWise, a college counseling company, wrote in an email.

"Certainly, there may be exceptions to this based on a student's individual experience, but since the personal essay is the main place in the application where the student can really allow their voice to be heard and share insight into who they are as an individual, there are likely many other topics they can choose to write about that are more distinctive and unique than COVID-19," Miller says.

Opinions among admissions experts vary on whether to write about the likely popular topic of the pandemic.

"If your essay communicates something positive, unique, and compelling about you in an interesting and eloquent way, go for it," Carolyn Pippen, principal college admissions counselor at IvyWise, wrote in an email. She adds that students shouldn't be dissuaded from writing about a topic merely because it's common, noting that "topics are bound to repeat, no matter how hard we try to avoid it."

Above all, she urges honesty.

"If your experience within the context of the pandemic has been truly unique, then write about that experience, and the standing out will take care of itself," Pippen says. "If your experience has been generally the same as most other students in your context, then trying to find a unique angle can easily cross the line into exploiting a tragedy, or at least appearing as though you have."

But focusing entirely on the pandemic can limit a student to a single story and narrow who they are in an application, Sawyer says. "There are so many wonderful possibilities for what you can say about yourself outside of your experience within the pandemic."

He notes that passions, strengths, career interests and personal identity are among the multitude of essay topic options available to applicants and encourages them to probe their values to help determine the topic that matters most to them – and write about it.

That doesn't mean the pandemic experience has to be ignored if applicants feel the need to write about it.

Writing About Coronavirus in Main and Supplemental Essays

Students can choose to write a full-length college essay on the coronavirus or summarize their experience in a shorter form.

To help students explain how the pandemic affected them, The Common App has added an optional section to address this topic. Applicants have 250 words to describe their pandemic experience and the personal and academic impact of COVID-19.

"That's not a trick question, and there's no right or wrong answer," Alexander says. Colleges want to know, he adds, how students navigated the pandemic, how they prioritized their time, what responsibilities they took on and what they learned along the way.

If students can distill all of the above information into 250 words, there's likely no need to write about it in a full-length college essay, experts say. And applicants whose lives were not heavily altered by the pandemic may even choose to skip the optional COVID-19 question.

"This space is best used to discuss hardship and/or significant challenges that the student and/or the student's family experienced as a result of COVID-19 and how they have responded to those difficulties," Miller notes. Using the section to acknowledge a lack of impact, she adds, "could be perceived as trite and lacking insight, despite the good intentions of the applicant."

To guard against this lack of awareness, Sawyer encourages students to tap someone they trust to review their writing , whether it's the 250-word Common App response or the full-length essay.

Experts tend to agree that the short-form approach to this as an essay topic works better, but there are exceptions. And if a student does have a coronavirus story that he or she feels must be told, Alexander encourages the writer to be authentic in the essay.

"My advice for an essay about COVID-19 is the same as my advice about an essay for any topic – and that is, don't write what you think we want to read or hear," Alexander says. "Write what really changed you and that story that now is yours and yours alone to tell."

Sawyer urges students to ask themselves, "What's the sentence that only I can write?" He also encourages students to remember that the pandemic is only a chapter of their lives and not the whole book.

Miller, who cautions against writing a full-length essay on the coronavirus, says that if students choose to do so they should have a conversation with their high school counselor about whether that's the right move. And if students choose to proceed with COVID-19 as a topic, she says they need to be clear, detailed and insightful about what they learned and how they adapted along the way.

"Approaching the essay in this manner will provide important balance while demonstrating personal growth and vulnerability," Miller says.

Pippen encourages students to remember that they are in an unprecedented time for college admissions.

"It is important to keep in mind with all of these (admission) factors that no colleges have ever had to consider them this way in the selection process, if at all," Pippen says. "They have had very little time to calibrate their evaluations of different application components within their offices, let alone across institutions. This means that colleges will all be handling the admissions process a little bit differently, and their approaches may even evolve over the course of the admissions cycle."

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COVID-19 Lockdown: My Experience

When the lockdown started, I was ecstatic. My final year of school had finished early, exams were cancelled, the sun was shining. I was happy, and confident I would be OK. After all, how hard could staying at home possibly be? After a while, the reality of the situation started to sink in.

The novelty of being at home wore off and I started to struggle. I suffered from regular panic attacks, frozen on the floor in my room, unable to move or speak. I had nightmares most nights, and struggled to sleep. It was as if I was stuck, trapped in my house and in my own head. I didn't know how to cope.

However, over time, I found ways to deal with the pressure. I realised that lockdown gave me more time to the things I loved, hobbies that had been previously swamped by schoolwork. I started baking, drawing and writing again, and felt free for the first time in months. I had forgotten how good it felt to be creative. I started spending more time with my family. I hadn't realised how much I had missed them.

Almost a month later, I feel so much better. I understand how difficult this must be, but it's important to remember that none of us is alone. No matter how scared, or trapped, or alone you feel, things can only get better.  Take time to revisit the things you love, and remember that all of this will eventually pass. All we can do right now is stay at home, look after ourselves and our loved ones, and look forward to a better future.

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What Life Was Like for Students in the Pandemic Year

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In this video, Navajo student Miles Johnson shares how he experienced the stress and anxiety of schools shutting down last year. Miles’ teacher shared his experience and those of her other students in a recent piece for Education Week. In these short essays below, teacher Claire Marie Grogan’s 11th grade students at Oceanside High School on Long Island, N.Y., describe their pandemic experiences. Their writings have been slightly edited for clarity. Read Grogan’s essay .

“Hours Staring at Tiny Boxes on the Screen”

By Kimberly Polacco, 16

I stare at my blank computer screen, trying to find the motivation to turn it on, but my finger flinches every time it hovers near the button. I instead open my curtains. It is raining outside, but it does not matter, I will not be going out there for the rest of the day. The sound of pounding raindrops contributes to my headache enough to make me turn on my computer in hopes that it will give me something to drown out the noise. But as soon as I open it up, I feel the weight of the world crash upon my shoulders.

Each 42-minute period drags on by. I spend hours upon hours staring at tiny boxes on a screen, one of which my exhausted face occupies, and attempt to retain concepts that have been presented to me through this device. By the time I have the freedom of pressing the “leave” button on my last Google Meet of the day, my eyes are heavy and my legs feel like mush from having not left my bed since I woke up.

Tomorrow arrives, except this time here I am inside of a school building, interacting with my first period teacher face to face. We talk about our favorite movies and TV shows to stream as other kids pile into the classroom. With each passing period I accumulate more and more of these tiny meaningless conversations everywhere I go with both teachers and students. They may not seem like much, but to me they are everything because I know that the next time I am expected to report to school, I will be trapped in the bubble of my room counting down the hours until I can sit down in my freshly sanitized wooden desk again.

“My Only Parent Essentially on Her Death Bed”

By Nick Ingargiola, 16

My mom had COVID-19 for ten weeks. She got sick during the first month school buildings were shut. The difficulty of navigating an online classroom was already overwhelming, and when mixed with my only parent essentially on her death bed, it made it unbearable. Focusing on schoolwork was impossible, and watching my mother struggle to lift up her arm broke my heart.

My mom has been through her fair share of diseases from pancreatic cancer to seizures and even as far as a stroke that paralyzed her entire left side. It is safe to say she has been through a lot. The craziest part is you would never know it. She is the strongest and most positive person I’ve ever met. COVID hit her hard. Although I have watched her go through life and death multiple times, I have never seen her so physically and mentally drained.

I initially was overjoyed to complete my school year in the comfort of my own home, but once my mom got sick, I couldn’t handle it. No one knows what it’s like to pretend like everything is OK until they are forced to. I would wake up at 8 after staying up until 5 in the morning pondering the possibility of losing my mother. She was all I had. I was forced to turn my camera on and float in the fake reality of being fine although I wasn’t. The teachers tried to keep the class engaged by obligating the students to participate. This was dreadful. I didn’t want to talk. I had to hide the distress in my voice. If only the teachers understood what I was going through. I was hesitant because I didn’t want everyone to know that the virus that was infecting and killing millions was knocking on my front door.

After my online classes, I was required to finish an immense amount of homework while simultaneously hiding my sadness so that my mom wouldn’t worry about me. She was already going through a lot. There was no reason to add me to her list of worries. I wasn’t even able to give her a hug. All I could do was watch.

“The Way of Staying Sane”

By Lynda Feustel, 16

Entering year two of the pandemic is strange. It barely seems a day since last March, but it also seems like a lifetime. As an only child and introvert, shutting down my world was initially simple and relatively easy. My friends and I had been super busy with the school play, and while I was sad about it being canceled, I was struggling a lot during that show and desperately needed some time off.

As March turned to April, virtual school began, and being alone really set in. I missed my friends and us being together. The isolation felt real with just my parents and me, even as we spent time together. My friends and I began meeting on Facetime every night to watch TV and just be together in some way. We laughed at insane jokes we made and had homework and therapy sessions over Facetime and grew closer through digital and literal walls.

The summer passed with in-person events together, and the virus faded into the background for a little while. We went to the track and the beach and hung out in people’s backyards.

Then school came for us in a more nasty way than usual. In hybrid school we were separated. People had jobs, sports, activities, and quarantines. Teachers piled on work, and the virus grew more present again. The group text put out hundreds of messages a day while the Facetimes came to a grinding halt, and meeting in person as a group became more of a rarity. Being together on video and in person was the way of staying sane.

In a way I am in a similar place to last year, working and looking for some change as we enter the second year of this mess.

“In History Class, Reports of Heightening Cases”

By Vivian Rose, 16

I remember the moment my freshman year English teacher told me about the young writers’ conference at Bread Loaf during my sophomore year. At first, I didn’t want to apply, the deadline had passed, but for some strange reason, the directors of the program extended it another week. It felt like it was meant to be. It was in Vermont in the last week of May when the flowers have awakened and the sun is warm.

I submitted my work, and two weeks later I got an email of my acceptance. I screamed at the top of my lungs in the empty house; everyone was out, so I was left alone to celebrate my small victory. It was rare for them to admit sophomores. Usually they accept submissions only from juniors and seniors.

That was the first week of February 2020. All of a sudden, there was some talk about this strange virus coming from China. We thought nothing of it. Every night, I would fall asleep smiling, knowing that I would be able to go to the exact conference that Robert Frost attended for 42 years.

Then, as if overnight, it seemed the virus had swung its hand and had gripped parts of the country. Every newscast was about the disease. Every day in history, we would look at the reports of heightening cases and joke around that this could never become a threat as big as Dr. Fauci was proposing. Then, March 13th came around--it was the last day before the world seemed to shut down. Just like that, Bread Loaf would vanish from my grasp.

“One Day Every Day Won’t Be As Terrible”

By Nick Wollweber, 17

COVID created personal problems for everyone, some more serious than others, but everyone had a struggle.

As the COVID lock-down took hold, the main thing weighing on my mind was my oldest brother, Joe, who passed away in January 2019 unexpectedly in his sleep. Losing my brother was a complete gut punch and reality check for me at 14 and 15 years old. 2019 was a year of struggle, darkness, sadness, frustration. I didn’t want to learn after my brother had passed, but I had to in order to move forward and find my new normal.

Routine and always having things to do and places to go is what let me cope in the year after Joe died. Then COVID came and gave me the option to let up and let down my guard. I struggled with not wanting to take care of personal hygiene. That was the beginning of an underlying mental problem where I wouldn’t do things that were necessary for everyday life.

My “coping routine” that got me through every day and week the year before was gone. COVID wasn’t beneficial to me, but it did bring out the true nature of my mental struggles and put a name to it. Since COVID, I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I began taking antidepressants and going to therapy a lot more.

COVID made me realize that I’m not happy with who I am and that I needed to change. I’m still not happy with who I am. I struggle every day, but I am working towards a goal that one day every day won’t be as terrible.

Coverage of social and emotional learning is supported in part by a grant from the NoVo Foundation, at www.novofoundation.org . Education Week retains sole editorial control over the content of this coverage. A version of this article appeared in the March 31, 2021 edition of Education Week as What Life Was Like for Students in the Pandemic Year

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Writing about COVID-19 in a college admission essay

by: Venkates Swaminathan | Updated: September 14, 2020

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For students applying to college using the CommonApp, there are several different places where students and counselors can address the pandemic’s impact. The different sections have differing goals. You must understand how to use each section for its appropriate use.

The CommonApp COVID-19 question

First, the CommonApp this year has an additional question specifically about COVID-19 :

Community disruptions such as COVID-19 and natural disasters can have deep and long-lasting impacts. If you need it, this space is yours to describe those impacts. Colleges care about the effects on your health and well-being, safety, family circumstances, future plans, and education, including access to reliable technology and quiet study spaces. Please use this space to describe how these events have impacted you.

This question seeks to understand the adversity that students may have had to face due to the pandemic, the move to online education, or the shelter-in-place rules. You don’t have to answer this question if the impact on you wasn’t particularly severe. Some examples of things students should discuss include:

• The student or a family member had COVID-19 or suffered other illnesses due to confinement during the pandemic.
• The candidate had to deal with personal or family issues, such as abusive living situations or other safety concerns
• The student suffered from a lack of internet access and other online learning challenges.
• Students who dealt with problems registering for or taking standardized tests and AP exams.

Jeff Schiffman of the Tulane University admissions office has a blog about this section. He recommends students ask themselves several questions as they go about answering this section:

• Are my experiences different from others’?
• Are there noticeable changes on my transcript?
• Am I aware of my privilege?
• Am I specific? Am I explaining rather than complaining?
• Is this information being included elsewhere on my application?

If you do answer this section, be brief and to-the-point.

Counselor recommendations and school profiles

Second, counselors will, in their counselor forms and school profiles on the CommonApp, address how the school handled the pandemic and how it might have affected students, specifically as it relates to:

• Grading scales and policies
• Graduation requirements
• Instructional methods
• Schedules and course offerings
• Testing requirements
• Your academic calendar
• Other extenuating circumstances

Students don’t have to mention these matters in their application unless something unusual happened.

Writing about COVID-19 in your main essay

Write about your experiences during the pandemic in your main college essay if your experience is personal, relevant, and the most important thing to discuss in your college admission essay. That you had to stay home and study online isn’t sufficient, as millions of other students faced the same situation. But sometimes, it can be appropriate and helpful to write about something related to the pandemic in your essay. For example:

• One student developed a website for a local comic book store. The store might not have survived without the ability for people to order comic books online. The student had a long-standing relationship with the store, and it was an institution that created a community for students who otherwise felt left out.
• One student started a YouTube channel to help other students with academic subjects he was very familiar with and began tutoring others.
• Some students used their extra time that was the result of the stay-at-home orders to take online courses pursuing topics they are genuinely interested in or developing new interests, like a foreign language or music.

Experiences like this can be good topics for the CommonApp essay as long as they reflect something genuinely important about the student. For many students whose lives have been shaped by this pandemic, it can be a critical part of their college application.

Want more? Read 6 ways to improve a college essay , What the &%$! should I write about in my college essay , and Just how important is a college admissions essay? .

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Seven short essays about life during the pandemic

The boston book festival's at home community writing project invites area residents to describe their experiences during this unprecedented time..

My alarm sounds at 8:15 a.m. I open my eyes and take a deep breath. I wiggle my toes and move my legs. I do this religiously every morning. Today, marks day 74 of staying at home.

My mornings are filled with reading biblical scripture, meditation, breathing in the scents of a hanging eucalyptus branch in the shower, and making tea before I log into my computer to work. After an hour-and-a-half Zoom meeting, I decided to take a long walk to the post office and grab a fresh bouquet of burnt orange ranunculus flowers. I embrace the warm sun beaming on my face. I feel joy. I feel at peace.

I enter my apartment and excessively wash my hands and face. I pour a glass of iced kombucha. I sit at my table and look at the text message on my phone. My coworker writes that she is thinking of me during this difficult time. She must be referring to the Amy Cooper incident. I learn shortly that she is not.

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I Google Minneapolis and see his name: George Floyd. And just like that a simple and beautiful day transitions into a day of sorrow.

Nakia Hill, Boston

It was a wobbly, yet solemn little procession: three masked mourners and a canine. Beginning in Kenmore Square, at David and Sue Horner’s condo, it proceeded up Commonwealth Avenue Mall.

S. Sue Horner died on Good Friday, April 10, in the Year of the Virus. Sue did not die of the virus but her parting was hemmed by it: no gatherings to mark the passing of this splendid human being.

David devised a send-off nevertheless. On April 23rd, accompanied by his daughter and son-in-law, he set out for Old South Church. David led, bearing the urn. His daughter came next, holding her phone aloft, speaker on, through which her brother in Illinois played the bagpipes for the length of the procession, its soaring thrum infusing the Mall. Her husband came last with Melon, their golden retriever.

I unlocked the empty church and led the procession into the columbarium. David drew the urn from its velvet cover, revealing a golden vessel inset with incandescent tiles. We lifted the urn into the niche, prayed, recited Psalm 23, and shared some words.

It was far too small for the luminous “Dr. Sue”, but what we could manage in the Year of the Virus.

Nancy S. Taylor, Boston

On April 26, 2020, our household was a bustling home for four people. Our two sons, ages 18 and 22, have a lot of energy. We are among the lucky ones. I can work remotely. Our food and shelter are not at risk.

As I write this a week later, it is much quieter here.

On April 27, our older son, an EMT, transported a COVID-19 patient to the ER. He left home to protect my delicate health and became ill with the virus a week later.

On April 29, my husband’s 95-year-old father had a stroke. My husband left immediately to be with his 90-year-old mother near New York City and is now preparing for his father’s discharge from the hospital. Rehab people will come to the house; going to a facility would be too dangerous.

My husband just called me to describe today’s hospital visit. The doctors had warned that although his father had regained the ability to speak, he could only repeat what was said to him.

“It’s me,” said my husband.

“It’s me,” said my father-in-law.

“I love you,” said my husband.

“I love you,” said my father-in-law.

“Sooooooooo much,” said my father-in-law.

Lucia Thompson, Wayland

Would racism exist if we were blind?

I felt his eyes bore into me as I walked through the grocery store. At first, I thought nothing of it. With the angst in the air attributable to COVID, I understood the anxiety-provoking nature of feeling as though your 6-foot bubble had burst. So, I ignored him and maintained my distance. But he persisted, glaring at my face, squinting to see who I was underneath the mask. This time I looked back, when he yelled, in my mother tongue, for me to go back to my country.

In shock, I just laughed. How could he tell what I was under my mask? Or see anything through the sunglasses he was wearing inside? It baffled me. I laughed at the irony that he would use my own language against me, that he knew enough to guess where I was from in some version of culturally competent racism. I laughed because dealing with the truth behind that comment generated a sadness in me that was too much to handle. If not now, then when will we be together?

So I ask again, would racism exist if we were blind?

Faizah Shareef, Boston

My Family is “Out” There

But I am “in” here. Life is different now “in” Assisted Living since the deadly COVID-19 arrived. Now the staff, employees, and all 100 residents have our temperatures taken daily. Everyone else, including my family, is “out” there. People like the hairdresser are really missed — with long straight hair and masks, we don’t even recognize ourselves.

Since mid-March we are in quarantine “in” our rooms with meals served. Activities are practically non-existent. We can sit on the back patio 6 feet apart, wearing masks, do exercises there, chat, and walk nearby. Nothing inside. Hopefully June will improve.

My family is “out” there — somewhere! Most are working from home (or Montana). Hopefully an August wedding will happen, but unfortunately, I may still be “in” here.

From my window I wave to my son “out” there. Recently, when my daughter visited, I opened the window “in” my second-floor room and could see and hear her perfectly “out” there. Next time she will bring a chair so we can have an “in” and “out” conversation all day, or until we run out of words.

Barbara Anderson, Raynham

My boyfriend Marcial lives in Boston, and I live in New York City. We had been doing the long-distance thing pretty successfully until coronavirus hit. In mid-March, I was furloughed from my temp job, Marcial began working remotely, and New York started shutting down. I went to Boston to stay with Marcial.

We are opposites in many ways, but we share a love of food. The kitchen has been the center of quarantine life —and also quarantine problems.

Marcial and I have gone from eating out and cooking/grocery shopping for each other during our periodic visits to cooking/grocery shopping with each other all the time. We’ve argued over things like the proper way to make rice and what greens to buy for salad. Our habits are deeply rooted in our upbringing and individual cultures (Filipino immigrant and American-born Chinese, hence the strong rice opinions).

On top of the mundane issues, we’ve also dealt with a flooded kitchen (resulting in cockroaches) and a mandoline accident leading to an ER visit. Marcial and I have spent quarantine navigating how to handle the unexpected and how to integrate our lifestyles. We’ve been eating well along the way.

Melissa Lee, Waltham

It’s 3 a.m. and my dog Rikki just gave me a worried look. Up again?

“I can’t sleep,” I say. I flick the light, pick up “Non-Zero Probabilities.” But the words lay pinned to the page like swatted flies. I watch new “Killing Eve” episodes, play old Nathaniel Rateliff and The Night Sweats songs. Still night.

We are — what? — 12 agitated weeks into lockdown, and now this. The thing that got me was Chauvin’s sunglasses. Perched nonchalantly on his head, undisturbed, as if he were at a backyard BBQ. Or anywhere other than kneeling on George Floyd’s neck, on his life. And Floyd was a father, as we all now know, having seen his daughter Gianna on Stephen Jackson’s shoulders saying “Daddy changed the world.”

Precious child. I pray, safeguard her.

Rikki has her own bed. But she won’t leave me. A Goddess of Protection. She does that thing dogs do, hovers increasingly closely the more agitated I get. “I’m losing it,” I say. I know. And like those weighted gravity blankets meant to encourage sleep, she drapes her 70 pounds over me, covering my restless heart with safety.

As if daybreak, or a prayer, could bring peace today.

Kirstan Barnett, Watertown

Until June 30, send your essay (200 words or less) about life during COVID-19 via bostonbookfest.org . Some essays will be published on the festival’s blog and some will appear in The Boston Globe.

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Essays reveal experiences during pandemic, unrest.

Field study students share their thoughts 

Members of Advanced Field Study, a select group of Social Ecology students who are chosen from a pool of applicants to participate in a year-long field study experience and course, had their internships and traditional college experience cut short this year. During our final quarter of the year together, during which we met weekly for two hours via Zoom, we discussed their reactions as the world fell apart around them. First came the pandemic and social distancing, then came the death of George Floyd and the response of the Black Lives Matter movement, both of which were imprinted on the lives of these students. This year was anything but dull, instead full of raw emotion and painful realizations of the fragility of the human condition and the extent to which we need one another. This seemed like the perfect opportunity for our students to chronicle their experiences — the good and the bad, the lessons learned, and ways in which they were forever changed by the events of the past four months. I invited all of my students to write an essay describing the ways in which these times had impacted their learning and their lives during or after their time at UCI. These are their voices. — Jessica Borelli , associate professor of psychological science

Becoming Socially Distant Through Technology: The Tech Contagion

The current state of affairs put the world on pause, but this pause gave me time to reflect on troubling matters. Time that so many others like me probably also desperately needed to heal without even knowing it. Sometimes it takes one’s world falling apart for the most beautiful mosaic to be built up from the broken pieces of wreckage. 

As the school year was coming to a close and summer was edging around the corner, I began reflecting on how people will spend their summer breaks if the country remains in its current state throughout the sunny season. Aside from living in the sunny beach state of California where people love their vitamin D and social festivities, I think some of the most damaging effects Covid-19 will have on us all has more to do with social distancing policies than with any inconveniences we now face due to the added precautions, despite how devastating it may feel that Disneyland is closed to all the local annual passholders or that the beaches may not be filled with sun-kissed California girls this summer. During this unprecedented time, I don’t think we should allow the rare opportunity we now have to be able to watch in real time how the effects of social distancing can impact our mental health. Before the pandemic, many of us were already engaging in a form of social distancing. Perhaps not the exact same way we are now practicing, but the technology that we have developed over recent years has led to a dramatic decline in our social contact and skills in general. 

The debate over whether we should remain quarantined during this time is not an argument I am trying to pursue. Instead, I am trying to encourage us to view this event as a unique time to study how social distancing can affect people’s mental health over a long period of time and with dramatic results due to the magnitude of the current issue. Although Covid-19 is new and unfamiliar to everyone, the isolation and separation we now face is not. For many, this type of behavior has already been a lifestyle choice for a long time. However, the current situation we all now face has allowed us to gain a more personal insight on how that experience feels due to the current circumstances. Mental illness continues to remain a prevalent problem throughout the world and for that reason could be considered a pandemic of a sort in and of itself long before the Covid-19 outbreak. 

One parallel that can be made between our current restrictions and mental illness reminds me in particular of hikikomori culture. Hikikomori is a phenomenon that originated in Japan but that has since spread internationally, now prevalent in many parts of the world, including the United States. Hikikomori is not a mental disorder but rather can appear as a symptom of a disorder. People engaging in hikikomori remain confined in their houses and often their rooms for an extended period of time, often over the course of many years. This action of voluntary confinement is an extreme form of withdrawal from society and self-isolation. Hikikomori affects a large percent of people in Japan yearly and the problem continues to become more widespread with increasing occurrences being reported around the world each year. While we know this problem has continued to increase, the exact number of people practicing hikikomori is unknown because there is a large amount of stigma surrounding the phenomenon that inhibits people from seeking help. This phenomenon cannot be written off as culturally defined because it is spreading to many parts of the world. With the technology we now have, and mental health issues on the rise and expected to increase even more so after feeling the effects of the current pandemic, I think we will definitely see a rise in the number of people engaging in this social isolation, especially with the increase in legitimate fears we now face that appear to justify the previously considered irrational fears many have associated with social gatherings. We now have the perfect sample of people to provide answers about how this form of isolation can affect people over time. 

Likewise, with the advancements we have made to technology not only is it now possible to survive without ever leaving the confines of your own home, but it also makes it possible for us to “fulfill” many of our social interaction needs. It’s very unfortunate, but in addition to the success we have gained through our advancements we have also experienced a great loss. With new technology, I am afraid that we no longer engage with others the way we once did. Although some may say the advancements are for the best, I wonder, at what cost? It is now commonplace to see a phone on the table during a business meeting or first date. Even worse is how many will feel inclined to check their phone during important or meaningful interactions they are having with people face to face. While our technology has become smarter, we have become dumber when it comes to social etiquette. As we all now constantly carry a mini computer with us everywhere we go, we have in essence replaced our best friends. We push others away subconsciously as we reach for our phones during conversations. We no longer remember phone numbers because we have them all saved in our phones. We find comfort in looking down at our phones during those moments of free time we have in public places before our meetings begin. These same moments were once the perfect time to make friends, filled with interactive banter. We now prefer to stare at other people on our phones for hours on end, and often live a sedentary lifestyle instead of going out and interacting with others ourselves. 

These are just a few among many issues the advances to technology led to long ago. We have forgotten how to practice proper tech-etiquette and we have been inadvertently practicing social distancing long before it was ever required. Now is a perfect time for us to look at the society we have become and how we incurred a different kind of pandemic long before the one we currently face. With time, as the social distancing regulations begin to lift, people may possibly begin to appreciate life and connecting with others more than they did before as a result of the unique experience we have shared in together while apart.

Maybe the world needed a time-out to remember how to appreciate what it had but forgot to experience. Life is to be lived through experience, not to be used as a pastime to observe and compare oneself with others. I’ll leave you with a simple reminder: never forget to take care and love more because in a world where life is often unpredictable and ever changing, one cannot risk taking time or loved ones for granted. With that, I bid you farewell, fellow comrades, like all else, this too shall pass, now go live your best life!

Privilege in a Pandemic 

Covid-19 has impacted millions of Americans who have been out of work for weeks, thus creating a financial burden. Without a job and the certainty of knowing when one will return to work, paying rent and utilities has been a problem for many. With unemployment on the rise, relying on unemployment benefits has become a necessity for millions of people. According to the Washington Post , unemployment rose to 14.7% in April which is considered to be the worst since the Great Depression. 

Those who are not worried about the financial aspect or the thought never crossed their minds have privilege. Merriam Webster defines privilege as “a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor.” Privilege can have a negative connotation. What you choose to do with your privilege is what matters. Talking about privilege can bring discomfort, but the discomfort it brings can also carry the benefit of drawing awareness to one’s privilege, which can lead the person to take steps to help others. 

I am a first-generation college student who recently transferred to a four-year university. When schools began to close, and students had to leave their on-campus housing, many lost their jobs.I was able to stay on campus because I live in an apartment. I am fortunate to still have a job, although the hours are minimal. My parents help pay for school expenses, including housing, tuition, and food. I do not have to worry about paying rent or how to pay for food because my parents are financially stable to help me. However, there are millions of college students who are not financially stable or do not have the support system I have. Here, I have the privilege and, thus, I am the one who can offer help to others. I may not have millions in funding, but volunteering for centers who need help is where I am able to help. Those who live in California can volunteer through Californians For All  or at food banks, shelter facilities, making calls to seniors, etc. 

I was not aware of my privilege during these times until I started reading more articles about how millions of people cannot afford to pay their rent, and landlords are starting to send notices of violations. Rather than feel guilty and be passive about it, I chose to put my privilege into a sense of purpose: Donating to nonprofits helping those affected by COVID-19, continuing to support local businesses, and supporting businesses who are donating profits to those affected by COVID-19.

My World is Burning 

As I write this, my friends are double checking our medical supplies and making plans to buy water and snacks to pass out at the next protest we are attending. We write down the number for the local bailout fund on our arms and pray that we’re lucky enough not to have to use it should things get ugly. We are part of a pivotal event, the kind of movement that will forever have a place in history. Yet, during this revolution, I have papers to write and grades to worry about, as I’m in the midst of finals. 

My professors have offered empty platitudes. They condemn the violence and acknowledge the stress and pain that so many of us are feeling, especially the additional weight that this carries for students of color. I appreciate their show of solidarity, but it feels meaningless when it is accompanied by requests to complete research reports and finalize presentations. Our world is on fire. Literally. On my social media feeds, I scroll through image after image of burning buildings and police cars in flames. How can I be asked to focus on school when my community is under siege? When police are continuing to murder black people, adding additional names to the ever growing list of their victims. Breonna Taylor. Ahmaud Arbery. George Floyd. David Mcatee. And, now, Rayshard Brooks. 

It already felt like the world was being asked of us when the pandemic started and classes continued. High academic expectations were maintained even when students now faced the challenges of being locked down, often trapped in small spaces with family or roommates. Now we are faced with another public health crisis in the form of police violence and once again it seems like educational faculty are turning a blind eye to the impact that this has on the students. I cannot study for exams when I am busy brushing up on my basic first-aid training, taking notes on the best techniques to stop heavy bleeding and treat chemical burns because at the end of the day, if these protests turn south, I will be entering a warzone. Even when things remain peaceful, there is an ugliness that bubbles just below the surface. When beginning the trek home, I have had armed members of the National Guard follow me and my friends. While kneeling in silence, I have watched police officers cock their weapons and laugh, pointing out targets in the crowd. I have been emailing my professors asking for extensions, trying to explain that if something is turned in late, it could be the result of me being detained or injured. I don’t want to be penalized for trying to do what I wholeheartedly believe is right. 

I have spent my life studying and will continue to study these institutions that have been so instrumental in the oppression and marginalization of black and indigenous communities. Yet, now that I have the opportunity to be on the frontlines actively fighting for the change our country so desperately needs, I feel that this study is more of a hindrance than a help to the cause. Writing papers and reading books can only take me so far and I implore that professors everywhere recognize that requesting their students split their time and energy between finals and justice is an impossible ask.

Opportunity to Serve

Since the start of the most drastic change of our lives, I have had the privilege of helping feed more than 200 different families in the Santa Ana area and even some neighboring cities. It has been an immense pleasure seeing the sheer joy and happiness of families as they come to pick up their box of food from our site, as well as a $50 gift card to Northgate, a grocery store in Santa Ana. Along with donating food and helping feed families, the team at the office, including myself, have dedicated this time to offering psychosocial and mental health check-ups for the families we serve. 

Every day I go into the office I start my day by gathering files of our families we served between the months of January, February, and March and calling them to check on how they are doing financially, mentally, and how they have been affected by COVID-19. As a side project, I have been putting together Excel spreadsheets of all these families’ struggles and finding a way to turn their situation into a success story to share with our board at PY-OCBF and to the community partners who make all of our efforts possible. One of the things that has really touched me while working with these families is how much of an impact this nonprofit organization truly has on family’s lives. I have spoken with many families who I just call to check up on and it turns into an hour call sharing about how much of a change they have seen in their child who went through our program. Further, they go on to discuss that because of our program, their children have a different perspective on the drugs they were using before and the group of friends they were hanging out with. Of course, the situation is different right now as everyone is being told to stay at home; however, there are those handful of kids who still go out without asking for permission, increasing the likelihood they might contract this disease and pass it to the rest of the family. We are working diligently to provide support for these parents and offering advice to talk to their kids in order to have a serious conversation with their kids so that they feel heard and validated. 

Although the novel Coronavirus has impacted the lives of millions of people not just on a national level, but on a global level, I feel that in my current position, it has opened doors for me that would have otherwise not presented themselves. Fortunately, I have been offered a full-time position at the Project Youth Orange County Bar Foundation post-graduation that I have committed to already. This invitation came to me because the organization received a huge grant for COVID-19 relief to offer to their staff and since I was already part-time, they thought I would be a good fit to join the team once mid-June comes around. I was very excited and pleased to be recognized for the work I have done at the office in front of all staff. I am immensely grateful for this opportunity. I will work even harder to provide for the community and to continue changing the lives of adolescents, who have steered off the path of success. I will use my time as a full-time employee to polish my resume, not forgetting that the main purpose of my moving to Irvine was to become a scholar and continue the education that my parents couldn’t attain. I will still be looking for ways to get internships with other fields within criminology. One specific interest that I have had since being an intern and a part-time employee in this organization is the work of the Orange County Coroner’s Office. I don’t exactly know what enticed me to find it appealing as many would say that it is an awful job in nature since it relates to death and seeing people in their worst state possible. However, I feel that the only way for me to truly know if I want to pursue such a career in forensic science will be to just dive into it and see where it takes me. 

I can, without a doubt, say that the Coronavirus has impacted me in a way unlike many others, and for that I am extremely grateful. As I continue working, I can also state that many people are becoming more and more hopeful as time progresses. With people now beginning to say Stage Two of this stay-at-home order is about to allow retailers and other companies to begin doing curbside delivery, many families can now see some light at the end of the tunnel.

Let’s Do Better

This time of the year is meant to be a time of celebration; however, it has been difficult to feel proud or excited for many of us when it has become a time of collective mourning and sorrow, especially for the Black community. There has been an endless amount of pain, rage, and helplessness that has been felt throughout our nation because of the growing list of Black lives we have lost to violence and brutality.

To honor the lives that we have lost, George Floyd, Tony McDade, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, Eric Garner, Oscar Grant, Michael Brown, Trayon Martin, and all of the other Black lives that have been taken away, may they Rest in Power.

Throughout my college experience, I have become more exposed to the various identities and the upbringings of others, which led to my own self-reflection on my own privileged and marginalized identities. I identify as Colombian, German, and Mexican; however navigating life as a mixed race, I have never been able to identify or have one culture more salient than the other. I am visibly white-passing and do not hold any strong ties with any of my ethnic identities, which used to bring me feelings of guilt and frustration, for I would question whether or not I could be an advocate for certain communities, and whether or not I could claim the identity of a woman of color. In the process of understanding my positionality, I began to wonder what space I belonged in, where I could speak up, and where I should take a step back for others to speak. I found myself in a constant theme of questioning what is my narrative and slowly began to realize that I could not base it off lone identities and that I have had the privilege to move through life without my identities defining who I am. Those initial feelings of guilt and confusion transformed into growth, acceptance, and empowerment.

This journey has driven me to educate myself more about the social inequalities and injustices that people face and to focus on what I can do for those around me. It has motivated me to be more culturally responsive and competent, so that I am able to best advocate for those around me. Through the various roles I have worked in, I have been able to listen to a variety of communities’ narratives and experiences, which has allowed me to extend my empathy to these communities while also pushing me to continue educating myself on how I can best serve and empower them. By immersing myself amongst different communities, I have been given the honor of hearing others’ stories and experiences, which has inspired me to commit myself to support and empower others.

I share my story of navigating through my privileged and marginalized identities in hopes that it encourages others to explore their own identities. This journey is not an easy one, and it is an ongoing learning process that will come with various mistakes. I have learned that with facing our privileges comes feelings of guilt, discomfort, and at times, complacency. It is very easy to become ignorant when we are not affected by different issues, but I challenge those who read this to embrace the discomfort. With these emotions, I have found it important to reflect on the source of discomfort and guilt, for although they are a part of the process, in taking the steps to become more aware of the systemic inequalities around us, understanding the source of discomfort can better inform us on how we perpetuate these systemic inequalities. If we choose to embrace ignorance, we refuse to acknowledge the systems that impact marginalized communities and refuse to honestly and openly hear cries for help. If we choose our own comfort over the lives of those being affected every day, we can never truly honor, serve, or support these communities.

I challenge any non-Black person, including myself, to stop remaining complacent when injustices are committed. We need to consistently recognize and acknowledge how the Black community is disproportionately affected in every injustice experienced and call out anti-Blackness in every role, community, and space we share. We need to keep ourselves and others accountable when we make mistakes or fall back into patterns of complacency or ignorance. We need to continue educating ourselves instead of relying on the emotional labor of the Black community to continuously educate us on the history of their oppressions. We need to collectively uplift and empower one another to heal and rise against injustice. We need to remember that allyship ends when action ends.

To the Black community, you are strong. You deserve to be here. The recent events are emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting, and the need for rest to take care of your mental, physical, and emotional well-being are at an all time high. If you are able, take the time to regain your energy, feel every emotion, and remind yourself of the power you have inside of you. You are not alone.

The Virus That Makes You Forget

Following Jan. 1 of 2020 many of my classmates and I continued to like, share, and forward the same meme. The meme included any image but held the same phrase: I can see 2020. For many of us, 2020 was a beacon of hope. For the Class of 2020, this meant walking on stage in front of our families. Graduation meant becoming an adult, finding a job, or going to graduate school. No matter what we were doing in our post-grad life, we were the new rising stars ready to take on the world with a positive outlook no matter what the future held. We felt that we had a deal with the universe that we were about to be noticed for our hard work, our hardships, and our perseverance.

Then March 17 of 2020 came to pass with California Gov. Newman ordering us to stay at home, which we all did. However, little did we all know that the world we once had open to us would only be forgotten when we closed our front doors.

Life became immediately uncertain and for many of us, that meant graduation and our post-graduation plans including housing, careers, education, food, and basic standards of living were revoked! We became the forgotten — a place from which many of us had attempted to rise by attending university. The goals that we were told we could set and the plans that we were allowed to make — these were crushed before our eyes.

Eighty days before graduation, in the first several weeks of quarantine, I fell extremely ill; both unfortunately and luckily, I was isolated. All of my roommates had moved out of the student apartments leaving me with limited resources, unable to go to the stores to pick up medicine or food, and with insufficient health coverage to afford a doctor until my throat was too swollen to drink water. For nearly three weeks, I was stuck in bed, I was unable to apply to job deadlines, reach out to family, and have contact with the outside world. I was forgotten.

Forty-five days before graduation, I had clawed my way out of illness and was catching up on an honors thesis about media depictions of sexual exploitation within the American political system, when I was relayed the news that democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden was accused of sexual assault. However, when reporting this news to close friends who had been devastated and upset by similar claims against past politicians, they all were too tired and numb from the quarantine to care. Just as I had written hours before reading the initial story, history was repeating, and it was not only I who COVID-19 had forgotten, but now survivors of violence.

After this revelation, I realize the silencing factor that COVID-19 has. Not only does it have the power to terminate the voices of our older generations, but it has the power to silence and make us forget the voices of every generation. Maybe this is why social media usage has gone up, why we see people creating new social media accounts, posting more, attempting to reach out to long lost friends. We do not want to be silenced, moreover, we cannot be silenced. Silence means that we have been forgotten and being forgotten is where injustice and uncertainty occurs. By using social media, pressing like on a post, or even sending a hate message, means that someone cares and is watching what you are doing. If there is no interaction, I am stuck in the land of indifference.

This is a place that I, and many others, now reside, captured and uncertain. In 2020, my plan was to graduate Cum Laude, dean's honor list, with three honors programs, three majors, and with research and job experience that stretched over six years. I would then go into my first year of graduate school, attempting a dual Juris Doctorate. I would be spending my time experimenting with new concepts, new experiences, and new relationships. My life would then be spent giving a microphone to survivors of domestic violence and sex crimes. However, now the plan is wiped clean, instead I sit still bound to graduate in 30 days with no home to stay, no place to work, and no future education to come back to. I would say I am overly qualified, but pandemic makes me lost in a series of names and masked faces.

Welcome to My Cage: The Pandemic and PTSD

When I read the campuswide email notifying students of the World Health Organization’s declaration of the coronavirus pandemic, I was sitting on my couch practicing a research presentation I was going to give a few hours later. For a few minutes, I sat there motionless, trying to digest the meaning of the words as though they were from a language other than my own, familiar sounds strung together in way that was wholly unintelligible to me. I tried but failed to make sense of how this could affect my life. After the initial shock had worn off, I mobilized quickly, snapping into an autopilot mode of being I knew all too well. I began making mental checklists, sharing the email with my friends and family, half of my brain wondering if I should make a trip to the grocery store to stockpile supplies and the other half wondering how I was supposed take final exams in the midst of so much uncertainty. The most chilling realization was knowing I had to wait powerlessly as the fate of the world unfolded, frozen with anxiety as I figured out my place in it all.

These feelings of powerlessness and isolation are familiar bedfellows for me. Early October of 2015, shortly after beginning my first year at UCI, I was diagnosed with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Despite having had years of psychological treatment for my condition, including Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Eye Movement Desensitization and Retraining, the flashbacks, paranoia, and nightmares still emerge unwarranted. People have referred to the pandemic as a collective trauma. For me, the pandemic has not only been a collective trauma, it has also been the reemergence of a personal trauma. The news of the pandemic and the implications it has for daily life triggered a reemergence of symptoms that were ultimately ignited by the overwhelming sense of helplessness that lies in waiting, as I suddenly find myself navigating yet another situation beyond my control. Food security, safety, and my sense of self have all been shaken by COVID-19.

The first few weeks after UCI transitioned into remote learning and the governor issued the stay-at-home order, I hardly got any sleep. My body was cycling through hypervigilance and derealization, and my sleep was interrupted by intrusive nightmares oscillating between flashbacks and frightening snippets from current events. Any coping methods I had developed through hard-won efforts over the past few years — leaving my apartment for a change of scenery, hanging out with friends, going to the gym — were suddenly made inaccessible to me due to the stay-at-home orders, closures of non-essential businesses, and many of my friends breaking their campus leases to move back to their family homes. So for me, learning to cope during COVID-19 quarantine means learning to function with my re-emerging PTSD symptoms and without my go-to tools. I must navigate my illness in a rapidly evolving world, one where some of my internalized fears, such as running out of food and living in an unsafe world, are made progressively more external by the minute and broadcasted on every news platform; fears that I could no longer escape, being confined in the tight constraints of my studio apartment’s walls. I cannot shake the devastating effects of sacrifice that I experience as all sense of control has been stripped away from me.

However, amidst my mental anguish, I have realized something important—experiencing these same PTSD symptoms during a global pandemic feels markedly different than it did years ago. Part of it might be the passage of time and the growth in my mindset, but there is something else that feels very different. Currently, there is widespread solidarity and support for all of us facing the chaos of COVID-19, whether they are on the frontlines of the fight against the illness or they are self-isolating due to new rules, restrictions, and risks. This was in stark contrast to what it was like to have a mental disorder. The unity we all experience as a result of COVID-19 is one I could not have predicted. I am not the only student heartbroken over a cancelled graduation, I am not the only student who is struggling to adapt to remote learning, and I am not the only person in this world who has to make sacrifices.

Between observations I’ve made on social media and conversations with my friends and classmates, this time we are all enduring great pain and stress as we attempt to adapt to life’s challenges. As a Peer Assistant for an Education class, I have heard from many students of their heartache over the remote learning model, how difficult it is to study in a non-academic environment, and how unmotivated they have become this quarter. This is definitely something I can relate to; as of late, it has been exceptionally difficult to find motivation and put forth the effort for even simple activities as a lack of energy compounds the issue and hinders basic needs. However, the willingness of people to open up about their distress during the pandemic is unlike the self-imposed social isolation of many people who experience mental illness regularly. Something this pandemic has taught me is that I want to live in a world where mental illness receives more support and isn’t so taboo and controversial. Why is it that we are able to talk about our pain, stress, and mental illness now, but aren’t able to talk about it outside of a global pandemic? People should be able to talk about these hardships and ask for help, much like during these circumstances.

It has been nearly three months since the coronavirus crisis was declared a pandemic. I still have many bad days that I endure where my symptoms can be overwhelming. But somehow, during my good days — and some days, merely good moments — I can appreciate the resilience I have acquired over the years and the common ground I share with others who live through similar circumstances. For veterans of trauma and mental illness, this isn’t the first time we are experiencing pain in an extreme and disastrous way. This is, however, the first time we are experiencing it with the rest of the world. This strange new feeling of solidarity as I read and hear about the experiences of other people provides some small comfort as I fight my way out of bed each day. As we fight to survive this pandemic, I hope to hold onto this feeling of togetherness and acceptance of pain, so that it will always be okay for people to share their struggles. We don’t know what the world will look like days, months, or years from now, but I hope that we can cultivate such a culture to make life much easier for people coping with mental illness.

A Somatic Pandemonium in Quarantine

I remember hearing that our brains create the color magenta all on their own. 

When I was younger I used to run out of my third-grade class because my teacher was allergic to the mold and sometimes would vomit in the trash can. My dad used to tell me that I used to always have to have something in my hands, later translating itself into the form of a hair tie around my wrist.

Sometimes, I think about the girl who used to walk on her tippy toes. medial and lateral nerves never planted, never grounded. We were the same in this way. My ability to be firmly planted anywhere was also withered. 

Was it from all the times I panicked? Or from the time I ran away and I blistered the soles of my feet 'til they were black from the summer pavement? Emetophobia. 

I felt it in the shower, dressing itself from the crown of my head down to the soles of my feet, noting the feeling onto my white board in an attempt to solidify it’s permanence.

As I breathed in the chemical blue transpiring from the Expo marker, everything was more defined. I laid down and when I looked up at the starlet lamp I had finally felt centered. Still. No longer fleeting. The grooves in the lamps glass forming a spiral of what felt to me like an artificial landscape of transcendental sparks. 

She’s back now, magenta, though I never knew she left or even ever was. Somehow still subconsciously always known. I had been searching for her in the tremors.

I can see her now in the daphnes, the golden rays from the sun reflecting off of the bark on the trees and the red light that glowed brighter, suddenly the town around me was warmer. A melting of hues and sharpened saturation that was apparent and reminded of the smell of oranges.

I threw up all of the carrots I ate just before. The trauma that my body kept as a memory of things that may or may not go wrong and the times that I couldn't keep my legs from running. Revelations bring memories bringing anxieties from fear and panic released from my body as if to say “NO LONGER!” 

I close my eyes now and my mind's eye is, too, more vivid than ever before. My inner eyelids lit up with orange undertones no longer a solid black, neurons firing, fire. Not the kind that burns you but the kind that can light up a dull space. Like the wick of a tea-lit candle. Magenta doesn’t exist. It is perception. A construct made of light waves, blue and red.

Demolition. Reconstruction. I walk down the street into this new world wearing my new mask, somatic senses tingling and I think to myself “Houston, I think we’ve just hit equilibrium.”

How COVID-19 Changed My Senior Year

During the last two weeks of Winter quarter, I watched the emails pour in. Spring quarter would be online, facilities were closing, and everyone was recommended to return home to their families, if possible. I resolved to myself that I would not move back home; I wanted to stay in my apartment, near my boyfriend, near my friends, and in the one place I had my own space. However, as the COVID-19 pandemic worsened, things continued to change quickly. Soon I learned my roommate/best friend would be cancelling her lease and moving back up to Northern California. We had made plans for my final quarter at UCI, as I would be graduating in June while she had another year, but all of the sudden, that dream was gone. In one whirlwind of a day, we tried to cram in as much of our plans as we could before she left the next day for good. There are still so many things – like hiking, going to museums, and showing her around my hometown – we never got to cross off our list.

Then, my boyfriend decided he would also be moving home, three hours away. Most of my sorority sisters were moving home, too. I realized if I stayed at school, I would be completely alone. My mom had been encouraging me to move home anyway, but I was reluctant to return to a house I wasn’t completely comfortable in. As the pandemic became more serious, gentle encouragement quickly turned into demands. I had to cancel my lease and move home.

I moved back in with my parents at the end of Spring Break; I never got to say goodbye to most of my friends, many of whom I’ll likely never see again – as long as the virus doesn’t change things, I’m supposed to move to New York over the summer to begin a PhD program in Criminal Justice. Just like that, my time at UCI had come to a close. No lasts to savor; instead I had piles of things to regret. In place of a final quarter filled with memorable lasts, such as the senior banquet or my sorority’s senior preference night, I’m left with a laundry list of things I missed out on. I didn’t get to look around the campus one last time like I had planned; I never got to take my graduation pictures in front of the UC Irvine sign. Commencement had already been cancelled. The lights had turned off in the theatre before the movie was over. I never got to find out how the movie ended.

Transitioning to a remote learning system wasn’t too bad, but I found that some professors weren’t adjusting their courses to the difficulties many students were facing. It turned out to be difficult to stay motivated, especially for classes that are pre-recorded and don’t have any face-to-face interaction. It’s hard to make myself care; I’m in my last few weeks ever at UCI, but it feels like I’m already in summer. School isn’t real, my classes aren’t real. I still put in the effort, but I feel like I’m not getting much out of my classes.

The things I had been looking forward to this quarter are gone; there will be no Undergraduate Research Symposium, where I was supposed to present two projects. My amazing internship with the US Postal Inspection Service is over prematurely and I never got to properly say goodbye to anyone I met there. I won’t receive recognition for the various awards and honors I worked so hard to achieve.

And I’m one of the lucky ones! I feel guilty for feeling bad about my situation, when I know there are others who have it much, much worse. I am like that quintessential spoiled child, complaining while there are essential workers working tirelessly, people with health concerns constantly fearing for their safety, and people dying every day. Yet knowing that doesn't help me from feeling I was robbed of my senior experience, something I worked very hard to achieve. I know it’s not nearly as important as what many others are going through. But nevertheless, this is my situation. I was supposed to be enjoying this final quarter with my friends and preparing to move on, not be stuck at home, grappling with my mental health and hiding out in my room to get some alone time from a family I don’t always get along with. And while I know it’s more difficult out there for many others, it’s still difficult for me.

The thing that stresses me out most is the uncertainty. Uncertainty for the future – how long will this pandemic last? How many more people have to suffer before things go back to “normal” – whatever that is? How long until I can see my friends and family again? And what does this mean for my academic future? Who knows what will happen between now and then? All that’s left to do is wait and hope that everything will work out for the best.

Looking back over my last few months at UCI, I wish I knew at the time that I was experiencing my lasts; it feels like I took so much for granted. If there is one thing this has all made me realize, it’s that nothing is certain. Everything we expect, everything we take for granted – none of it is a given. Hold on to what you have while you have it, and take the time to appreciate the wonderful things in life, because you never know when it will be gone.

Physical Distancing

Thirty days have never felt so long. April has been the longest month of the year. I have been through more in these past three months than in the past three years. The COVID-19 outbreak has had a huge impact on both physical and social well-being of a lot of Americans, including me. Stress has been governing the lives of so many civilians, in particular students and workers. In addition to causing a lack of motivation in my life, quarantine has also brought a wave of anxiety.

My life changed the moment the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention and the government announced social distancing. My busy daily schedule, running from class to class and meeting to meeting, morphed into identical days, consisting of hour after hour behind a cold computer monitor. Human interaction and touch improve trust, reduce fear and increases physical well-being. Imagine the effects of removing the human touch and interaction from midst of society. Humans are profoundly social creatures. I cannot function without interacting and connecting with other people. Even daily acquaintances have an impact on me that is only noticeable once removed. As a result, the COVID-19 outbreak has had an extreme impact on me beyond direct symptoms and consequences of contracting the virus itself.

It was not until later that month, when out of sheer boredom I was scrolling through my call logs and I realized that I had called my grandmother more than ever. This made me realize that quarantine had created some positive impacts on my social interactions as well. This period of time has created an opportunity to check up on and connect with family and peers more often than we were able to. Even though we might be connecting solely through a screen, we are not missing out on being socially connected. Quarantine has taught me to value and prioritize social connection, and to recognize that we can find this type of connection not only through in-person gatherings, but also through deep heart to heart connections. Right now, my weekly Zoom meetings with my long-time friends are the most important events in my week. In fact, I have taken advantage of the opportunity to reconnect with many of my old friends and have actually had more meaningful conversations with them than before the isolation.

This situation is far from ideal. From my perspective, touch and in-person interaction is essential; however, we must overcome all difficulties that life throws at us with the best we are provided with. Therefore, perhaps we should take this time to re-align our motives by engaging in things that are of importance to us. I learned how to dig deep and find appreciation for all the small talks, gatherings, and face-to-face interactions. I have also realized that friendships are not only built on the foundation of physical presence but rather on meaningful conversations you get to have, even if they are through a cold computer monitor. My realization came from having more time on my hands and noticing the shift in conversations I was having with those around me. After all, maybe this isolation isn’t “social distancing”, but rather “physical distancing” until we meet again.

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8 Lessons We Can Learn From the COVID-19 Pandemic

BY KATHY KATELLA May 14, 2021

Note: Information in this article was accurate at the time of original publication. Because information about COVID-19 changes rapidly, we encourage you to visit the websites of the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC), World Health Organization (WHO), and your state and local government for the latest information.

The COVID-19 pandemic changed life as we know it—and it may have changed us individually as well, from our morning routines to our life goals and priorities. Many say the world has changed forever. But this coming year, if the vaccines drive down infections and variants are kept at bay, life could return to some form of normal. At that point, what will we glean from the past year? Are there silver linings or lessons learned?

“Humanity's memory is short, and what is not ever-present fades quickly,” says Manisha Juthani, MD , a Yale Medicine infectious diseases specialist. The bubonic plague, for example, ravaged Europe in the Middle Ages—resurfacing again and again—but once it was under control, people started to forget about it, she says. “So, I would say one major lesson from a public health or infectious disease perspective is that it’s important to remember and recognize our history. This is a period we must remember.”

We asked our Yale Medicine experts to weigh in on what they think are lessons worth remembering, including those that might help us survive a future virus or nurture a resilience that could help with life in general.

Lesson 1: Masks are useful tools

What happened: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) relaxed its masking guidance for those who have been fully vaccinated. But when the pandemic began, it necessitated a global effort to ensure that everyone practiced behaviors to keep themselves healthy and safe—and keep others healthy as well. This included the widespread wearing of masks indoors and outside.

What we’ve learned: Not everyone practiced preventive measures such as mask wearing, maintaining a 6-foot distance, and washing hands frequently. But, Dr. Juthani says, “I do think many people have learned a whole lot about respiratory pathogens and viruses, and how they spread from one person to another, and that sort of old-school common sense—you know, if you don’t feel well—whether it’s COVID-19 or not—you don’t go to the party. You stay home.”

Masks are a case in point. They are a key COVID-19 prevention strategy because they provide a barrier that can keep respiratory droplets from spreading. Mask-wearing became more common across East Asia after the 2003 SARS outbreak in that part of the world. “There are many East Asian cultures where the practice is still that if you have a cold or a runny nose, you put on a mask,” Dr. Juthani says.

She hopes attitudes in the U.S. will shift in that direction after COVID-19. “I have heard from a number of people who are amazed that we've had no flu this year—and they know masks are one of the reasons,” she says. “They’ve told me, ‘When the winter comes around, if I'm going out to the grocery store, I may just put on a mask.’”

Lesson 2: Telehealth might become the new normal

What happened: Doctors and patients who have used telehealth (technology that allows them to conduct medical care remotely), found it can work well for certain appointments, ranging from cardiology check-ups to therapy for a mental health condition. Many patients who needed a medical test have also discovered it may be possible to substitute a home version.

What we’ve learned: While there are still problems for which you need to see a doctor in person, the pandemic introduced a new urgency to what had been a gradual switchover to platforms like Zoom for remote patient visits. 

More doctors also encouraged patients to track their blood pressure at home , and to use at-home equipment for such purposes as diagnosing sleep apnea and even testing for colon cancer . Doctors also can fine-tune cochlear implants remotely .

“It happened very quickly,” says Sharon Stoll, DO, a neurologist. One group that has benefitted is patients who live far away, sometimes in other parts of the country—or even the world, she says. “I always like to see my patients at least twice a year. Now, we can see each other in person once a year, and if issues come up, we can schedule a telehealth visit in-between,” Dr. Stoll says. “This way I may hear about an issue before it becomes a problem, because my patients have easier access to me, and I have easier access to them.”

Meanwhile, insurers are becoming more likely to cover telehealth, Dr. Stoll adds. “That is a silver lining that will hopefully continue.”

Lesson 3: Vaccines are powerful tools

What happened: Given the recent positive results from vaccine trials, once again vaccines are proving to be powerful for preventing disease.

What we’ve learned: Vaccines really are worth getting, says Dr. Stoll, who had COVID-19 and experienced lingering symptoms, including chronic headaches . “I have lots of conversations—and sometimes arguments—with people about vaccines,” she says. Some don’t like the idea of side effects. “I had vaccine side effects and I’ve had COVID-19 side effects, and I say nothing compares to the actual illness. Unfortunately, I speak from experience.”

Dr. Juthani hopes the COVID-19 vaccine spotlight will motivate people to keep up with all of their vaccines, including childhood and adult vaccines for such diseases as measles , chicken pox, shingles , and other viruses. She says people have told her they got the flu vaccine this year after skipping it in previous years. (The CDC has reported distributing an exceptionally high number of doses this past season.)  

But, she cautions that a vaccine is not a magic bullet—and points out that scientists can’t always produce one that works. “As advanced as science is, there have been multiple failed efforts to develop a vaccine against the HIV virus,” she says. “This time, we were lucky that we were able build on the strengths that we've learned from many other vaccine development strategies to develop multiple vaccines for COVID-19 .” 

Lesson 4: Everyone is not treated equally, especially in a pandemic

What happened: COVID-19 magnified disparities that have long been an issue for a variety of people.

What we’ve learned: Racial and ethnic minority groups especially have had disproportionately higher rates of hospitalization for COVID-19 than non-Hispanic white people in every age group, and many other groups faced higher levels of risk or stress. These groups ranged from working mothers who also have primary responsibility for children, to people who have essential jobs, to those who live in rural areas where there is less access to health care.

“One thing that has been recognized is that when people were told to work from home, you needed to have a job that you could do in your house on a computer,” says Dr. Juthani. “Many people who were well off were able do that, but they still needed to have food, which requires grocery store workers and truck drivers. Nursing home residents still needed certified nursing assistants coming to work every day to care for them and to bathe them.”  

As far as racial inequities, Dr. Juthani cites President Biden’s appointment of Yale Medicine’s Marcella Nunez-Smith, MD, MHS , as inaugural chair of a federal COVID-19 Health Equity Task Force. “Hopefully the new focus is a first step,” Dr. Juthani says.

Lesson 5: We need to take mental health seriously

What happened: There was a rise in reported mental health problems that have been described as “a second pandemic,” highlighting mental health as an issue that needs to be addressed.

What we’ve learned: Arman Fesharaki-Zadeh, MD, PhD , a behavioral neurologist and neuropsychiatrist, believes the number of mental health disorders that were on the rise before the pandemic is surging as people grapple with such matters as juggling work and childcare, job loss, isolation, and losing a loved one to COVID-19.

The CDC reports that the percentage of adults who reported symptoms of anxiety of depression in the past 7 days increased from 36.4 to 41.5 % from August 2020 to February 2021. Other reports show that having COVID-19 may contribute, too, with its lingering or long COVID symptoms, which can include “foggy mind,” anxiety , depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder .

 “We’re seeing these problems in our clinical setting very, very often,” Dr. Fesharaki-Zadeh says. “By virtue of necessity, we can no longer ignore this. We're seeing these folks, and we have to take them seriously.”

Lesson 6: We have the capacity for resilience

What happened: While everyone’s situation is different­­ (and some people have experienced tremendous difficulties), many have seen that it’s possible to be resilient in a crisis.

What we’ve learned: People have practiced self-care in a multitude of ways during the pandemic as they were forced to adjust to new work schedules, change their gym routines, and cut back on socializing. Many started seeking out new strategies to counter the stress.

“I absolutely believe in the concept of resilience, because we have this effective reservoir inherent in all of us—be it the product of evolution, or our ancestors going through catastrophes, including wars, famines, and plagues,” Dr. Fesharaki-Zadeh says. “I think inherently, we have the means to deal with crisis. The fact that you and I are speaking right now is the result of our ancestors surviving hardship. I think resilience is part of our psyche. It's part of our DNA, essentially.”

Dr. Fesharaki-Zadeh believes that even small changes are highly effective tools for creating resilience. The changes he suggests may sound like the same old advice: exercise more, eat healthy food, cut back on alcohol, start a meditation practice, keep up with friends and family. “But this is evidence-based advice—there has been research behind every one of these measures,” he says.

But we have to also be practical, he notes. “If you feel overwhelmed by doing too many things, you can set a modest goal with one new habit—it could be getting organized around your sleep. Once you’ve succeeded, move on to another one. Then you’re building momentum.”

Lesson 7: Community is essential—and technology is too

What happened: People who were part of a community during the pandemic realized the importance of human connection, and those who didn’t have that kind of support realized they need it.

What we’ve learned: Many of us have become aware of how much we need other people—many have managed to maintain their social connections, even if they had to use technology to keep in touch, Dr. Juthani says. “There's no doubt that it's not enough, but even that type of community has helped people.”

Even people who aren’t necessarily friends or family are important. Dr. Juthani recalled how she encouraged her mail carrier to sign up for the vaccine, soon learning that the woman’s mother and husband hadn’t gotten it either. “They are all vaccinated now,” Dr. Juthani says. “So, even by word of mouth, community is a way to make things happen.”

It’s important to note that some people are naturally introverted and may have enjoyed having more solitude when they were forced to stay at home—and they should feel comfortable with that, Dr. Fesharaki-Zadeh says. “I think one has to keep temperamental tendencies like this in mind.”

But loneliness has been found to suppress the immune system and be a precursor to some diseases, he adds. “Even for introverted folks, the smallest circle is preferable to no circle at all,” he says.

Lesson 8: Sometimes you need a dose of humility

What happened: Scientists and nonscientists alike learned that a virus can be more powerful than they are. This was evident in the way knowledge about the virus changed over time in the past year as scientific investigation of it evolved.

What we’ve learned: “As infectious disease doctors, we were resident experts at the beginning of the pandemic because we understand pathogens in general, and based on what we’ve seen in the past, we might say there are certain things that are likely to be true,” Dr. Juthani says. “But we’ve seen that we have to take these pathogens seriously. We know that COVID-19 is not the flu. All these strokes and clots, and the loss of smell and taste that have gone on for months are things that we could have never known or predicted. So, you have to have respect for the unknown and respect science, but also try to give scientists the benefit of the doubt,” she says.

“We have been doing the best we can with the knowledge we have, in the time that we have it,” Dr. Juthani says. “I think most of us have had to have the humility to sometimes say, ‘I don't know. We're learning as we go.’"

Information provided in Yale Medicine articles is for general informational purposes only. No content in the articles should ever be used as a substitute for medical advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician. Always seek the individual advice of your health care provider with any questions you have regarding a medical condition.

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“What Has Your Pandemic Experience Been Like?”

Fourteen alumni tell us how COVID-19 has shaped their lives.

I n March, when we were considering CCT’s Summer 2020 issue, we knew that we wanted to address the shockwave that had upended and overtaken all of our lives. The COVID-19 pandemic was — is — that rare event that affects everyone with ties to the College. Even as this introduction is written, its vast, global story continues to evolve, expanding and deepening in ways that resist easy comprehension.

Against this backdrop, we knew we could tell a more personal story, create a record of how the coronavirus and its many ripple effects had been experienced by our community. And so, in April and early May, we asked 14 alumni to offer a keyhole into their daily lives: What did their new routines look like? How had work changed? What had been challenging, and where were they finding their joys?

The responses were varied, shaped by age, profession, location and all the personal variables that distinguish one life from the next. And what began as a kind of time capsule became, slowly, so much more. The reflections enlarged our view beyond the walls that had all too literally been hemming us in. They invited us to exercise our empathies, take comfort in shared experiences and — with so many of us social-distanced into solitude or small groups — feel the warmth of connection.

It will be a long time before we can fully reckon with all that’s happened and is happening during this pandemic. But we are going through it together, and we hope that our contribution can help.

— The Editors

Editor-at-large, iHeartMEDIA; chief content officer at Nineteen Twenty Media

“T hough I was an English lit major at Columbia, these days I find myself immersed in the sciences, living out Einstein’s definition of insanity on the regular: watching the news, then instantly regretting it; begging/bribing/browbeating my kids to sit for home-schooling, only to surrender an hour later; channeling Alice Waters for breakfast, Chester Cheetah by lunch. Our days here at Casa Goldman (me, two grade-schoolers, one eye- rolling husband) are — wait, what day is it, again? We ditched the skim for half-and-half. We subscribed to Hulu. We pray to the broadband gods to keep our signal strong. We are, as the kids say, hashtag blessed.

“As a writer, I wrestle with a strange new tension: I have never felt more creative and yet so hard-pressed to eke out the time and focus to write. But I’ve still managed to bank a win or two. I launched a podcast called Hazmat Hotel , in which I interview interesting people about how coronavirus has upended their professions. (Hit me up if you’d like to be a guest.) I finished my one-woman show about Jim Comey. I am knee-deep in a new screenplay. In the past eight weeks, one of my boys has discovered Seinfeld, the other ‘Shark Week,’ so that Hulu subscription is basically paying for itself now. The news from Casa G is that we are all OK, hanging in and enormously grateful, thank you for asking.”

Policy analyst, NYC Mayor’s Office of Policy and Planning; volunteer coordinator, Bowman for Congress

“I work for the Office of the Mayor in New York City full-time and coordinate volunteers on Jamaal Bowman’s congressional campaign in NY-16 part-time. With local government on the front lines of the coronavirus crisis and, as I write, the June 23 primary less than two months away, I am busier than I have ever been.

“I try my best to work out a few times a week and use Friday evenings to catch up on TV shows and work on crafts. I rediscovered my pottery tools when quarantine began and ordered polymer clay and embroidery floss to make earrings. A friend recommended that I order a weaving loom to make tapestries and rugs — it just arrived, so I am going to try that this week. My roommate’s mom might drop off an old sewing machine so I can try my hand at that, too.

“Work can be a bit overwhelming, so using my hands to make things for myself, family and friends is a welcome reprieve from corona madness.”

COURTESY AMARI HAMMONDS ‘09

Associate deputy solicitor general, Office of the Solicitor General in the California Department of Justice

“W hat if I had to go about my life not knowing the next time it’d be OK to touch another person? I’m single and I live alone, so this has become an abiding question in the weeks, now months, since March 16, when the Bay Area announced its first-in-the-nation shelter-in-place order.

“I’ve learned that isolation makes the memory of my last human contact more indelible — a Kid ’n Play-inspired kickstep as my friend Colin left what would be our last Sunday pancakes together. We now connect through FaceTime meals; from afar, he’s taught me how to make a poached egg. But I’ve also learned that regardless of health orders, video calls won’t cut it. I’m grateful to have cultivated relationships with a select few who, like me, crave connection in the absence of the pandemic-friendly community offered by roommates or romantic partners ‘adjacent’ to their households. A conversation while biking 6 ft. apart is critical nourishment. I once petted a gentle old dog named Loki after one such ride to the Sausalito waterfront, and it was like oxygen for me — though for her, probably more about the hot pastrami sandwich in my hand.

“Most importantly, I’ve learned to be gentle with myself for the swirl of feelings this all brings. It is possible to feel at once abandoned by friends who have hunkered down with the privilege of companionship, while also compassionate toward their choice — one I’d likely make, if given the option. It’s OK to spend one night crying myself to sleep, wishing I could join my mom across the country, then the next cutting up playing Codenames over Google Hangouts as if I’d lived my life this way all along.

“Until ‘normal’ returns at some indeterminate point, in some indeterminate form, I’m learning what that looks like for now and receiving sweetness in every form. My friend and her husband recently invited me for a socially distant picnic, and to meet their puppy. I’ll be there with a fashionably colorful mask and hand sanitizer at the ready.”

COURTESY BRENDON JOBS ‘05

Director of diversity and inclusion, The Haverford School; social studies methods instructor at the Penn Graduate School of Education

“S chool closed suddenly in March as the threat of pandemic became a real crisis. Like many, I’ve been going through a grieving process for the life, vigor and human connection that the schoolhouse offered me in all my years of teaching.

“At the start, I was overwhelmed with the multitude of tasks needed to make the transition [to remote learning] work for my students, faculty and other communities that I serve. Fear and duty defined my feelings in that moment. But it wasn’t long before anger and resentment grabbed hold of me. Hopeful proclamations that ‘we’re all in this together’ came from official channels; they offered encouragement that if we adhered to social distancing we could flatten the curve and ‘get back to normal.’ It wasn’t long afterward that nasty disparities in race and class, in keeping with pre-COVID-19 patterns, magnified. As an educator, I wondered: How can I explain this to kids? How does what they’re witnessing shape their understanding of how the world works?

“As a black queer man growing up in the 1990s, I remember living with the fear of the AIDS virus. Implicitly, I was fed the message that I lived with greater risk of contracting the disease in a way that stigmatized me. Those old feelings have reemerged as I have witnessed COVID-19 transform from a foreign threat into a health crisis disproportionately infecting and killing Black and Brown people; meanwhile, violent, armed calls to reopen businesses rage from white protestors in Michigan and Pennsylvania despite these deaths. My mother and sister still report to their jobs as ‘essential workers,’ and my father lost his job abruptly as an early casualty of the predicted economic crash. These disparities will only grow as long as we continue to allow politics and business interests to make us willfully ignorant to wild differences in the human experience of this moment. I often struggle to imagine a different, more hopeful outcome.

COURTESY DR. JOSH JOHNSON ‘13

Surgical resident, NewYork Presbyterian-Weill Cornell Medical Center

“R inging loudly in the background of my day is a cacophony of alarms and notifications that are meant to signify an imminent medical emergency — yet they have become so ubiquitous that I can no longer distinguish among them. The hours I spend on the wards have not changed much; I am here for anywhere between 12 and 24 hours a shift, depending on the day. However, the intricacies of my work have shifted dramatically. Willing or not, I am greeted each day by an endless list of patients with tarnished lungs who require the utmost interventions possible to keep oxygen flowing throughout their bodies. It has been truly taxing.

“The difficulty lies in having to carry on and continue my duties without the time to grieve our losses, to celebrate our wins and to reflect upon our struggles. Yet what has been remarkable is that my connection to my patients and their families has never been deeper. Though my patients cannot speak to me, I hear their pain. Though I cannot see their loved ones in person I have had immensely intimate conversations with them, and I have forged relationships based solely on trust and hope. During this pandemic I have healed others more through compassion and understanding than I have through modern science. That is the lesson I hope to never forget.”

COURTESY NYPD

Chief chaplain, NYPD; adjunct professor, John Jay College of Criminal Justice

“L ife in the Age of COVID-19 has not been simple or easy for any of us. I’ve had to respond to new challenges: teach classes remotely, conduct Zoom funeral services, attend virtual meetings and counsel the troubled by telephone. Perhaps the most awe- some responsibility of all was to fulfill a request to do a video with a message of ‘uplift’ and ‘encouragement’ for our police officers. Quite frankly, reading the newspaper reports every day about the ever-mounting casualty figures, and discovering that many of the victims are people I know and love, leaves me in need of uplift and encouragement. However, I felt this was really important because police officers are among the first responders to have suffered the heaviest casualties. After all, they are required to answer the call of duty regardless of the risks, including the coronavirus.

“Somehow, notwithstanding my own concerns and anxieties, I managed to put something together. It was based on Mark Twain’s observation that courage isn’t the ‘absence of fear but the mastery of it.’ There are two ways to transcend anxiety: faith in God and faith in each other. To believe in God is not simply to believe that there is a deity who will intervene and alter reality to accord with our wishes. Even more basically, it is the confidence that there is a Benevolent Intelligence undergirding the universe that fills us with the hope, optimism and trust that human beings possess the wisdom and skills required to solve the toughest problems.

“Then there is the most effective therapy of all — each other. Men and women, helping and supporting one another by doing things they don’t have to do, is the essence of love and closest we shall ever come to experiencing genuine spirituality. It is true that COVID-19 requires us to stay apart physically, but getting in touch with each other — as well as family, friends and neighbors assisting each other — can be so important and pivotal in transcending this crisis. I certainly cherish the calls and emails I have received as I cope with the physical distancing of this experience. What they proclaim in the most eloquent and dramatic way possible is that we don’t have to struggle with this alone.”

COURTESY IAN LENDLER ‘96

Children’s book author

“L ike so many others, the virus, alas, has afflicted me.

“For I, you see, am a writer, and I write things of terrible importance. I am a Creator of Truths, a conjuror of metaphors. Every morning I sit at my desk and I call to my Muse; she answers, and we begin a delicate dance of words and images and — oh yes! — similes as well! And just as my prose begins to touch the great mysteries of Life —

“‘DAD! DAD!’ My children burst into the room. ‘Can we have some Goldfish crackers?’

“‘Be still!’ I shriek. ‘What matters your aquatic-shaped snacks when I seek Beauty?’ “But it is too late. My Muse begins to back out of the room. She says, ‘You never told me you had kids.’

“‘You don’t understand,’ I splutter. ‘Normally they’re at school now.’ But she is already gone.

“Then, my wife shouts from a different room that she’s on a Zoom call and the kids need lunch.

“So I make my kids lunch.

“In the afternoon, once again, I tap at my keyboard, calling my Muse back, and with a curtsy and an impish wink, she and I begin to weave our —

‘Dad! DAD! We’re playing Fortnite with our cousins. We need your computer!’ and my kids snatch my laptop away.

“And so I wander the house, alone, bereft of my computer (and thus, all meaning), until my wife shouts from a different room that she’s on a Zoom call and can I get dinner started?

“And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this sheltered-in-place ... until ... what’s this?!

“I have been asked to do an ‘Instagram live reading,’ whatever that is ... But I seize my chance to perform for my adoring audience. To conjure worlds for them; to shaman their imaginations to an ethereal realm.

“So for your undoubted delight (and the consideration of Nobel Prize committees), I give you what I believe to be my most harrowing and important work to date. ”

COURTESY STEVE MARTINEZ ‘11

Television producer, ESPN’s The Jump

“T he show must go on, but my daily routine has been altered significantly. The Jump is now entirely produced from home: on-air talent, producers, directors and so on; we’re doing our best to help deliver to folks a 30-minute slice of escapism every day. Most of our work in production is now done the night before a show (previously, most of the production occurred the morning of ). We complete our daily tapings by 11:30 a.m. PT, but by 1:00 p.m. PT, we are on a conference call discussing the plan for the next day’s show. The current production strategy involves a balance between staying ahead in terms of preparation and being ready for news to break at a moment’s notice.

“Communication has been a challenge at times. It might not look like it at home when you see three people on your screen, but it takes dozens of talented folks to put on a TV show. My previous routine heavily relied upon face-to-face communication for most of my catching up with staff members.

“I find joy in spending time with my wife, Stephanie, and my dog, Callie, here in my Los Angeles home. I also take great pride in the ability to get a show on the air with the entire staff working from home, something we never knew was possible until we were confronted with that problem. Mainly, I just want the NBA back.”

PHOTOS BY MIKE MELLIA ‘02

Director, photographer, creator of advertising for fashion and lifestyle brands

“M any of the world’s greatest successes took place in a garage — Apple, Google, Disney. By the same token, I always loved seeing pictures of Jackson Pollock and Willem de Kooning, two great abstract expressionist painters, painting in outdoor barns on Long Island during the 1950s and 1960s. They said they liked the light. What I really think they needed was the isolation and the silence.

BY MIKE MELLIA ‘02

“To me, painting is a performance with an audience of zero, and the record of that performance is the physical object created, a mysterious enigma. Over tens of thou- sands of hours of practice, you train yourself to not even be conscious of yourself; it feels like I’m watching someone else paint a picture. There is also some element to painting that feels like robbing a bank: the intensity, the speed and the risk that you can only experience after learning to transcend all your experience and training. These large oil paintings are inspired by the wild chaos, the light and the color of nature I’m experiencing with my wife and two babies at our home in Southampton, N.Y. I hope they will bring you some joy.”

P ASCAL PERICH

Geezer Fitness

I just did twenty-five push-ups, then vacuumed the floor and then dropped down and did twenty more, for what reason I cannot say or even want to think about, especially at this moment when I am still breathing hard.

I almost didn’t know what day it is and then I did, locked into time, suddenly more secure that it’s Thursday! Which means nothing or next to nothing. I am next to nothing— it’s in this room with me, an old pal.

Snow falling from gray sky, it’s time to bake, scones, I mean, and right out of the oven take one and butter it, with jam, teapot hot at hand, and exult in the fact of everything horrible.

COURTESY DAVID PENG ‘83

Head of Asia Pacific Ex Japan at Legal & General Investment Management; president, Columbia University Alumni Association Hong Kong

“T hough I am a New Yorker, I have spent my professional life in North Asia and this is my fourth posting in Hong Kong, with in-between postings in Taipei, Shanghai and Beijing. I was in Hong Kong during the SARS epidemic in 2003. Most people in Hong Kong remember that period well. When news broke in January about what was happening in Wuhan, people in Hong Kong quickly realized the potential of another epidemic.

“The Hong Kong government was quick to put in place restrictive measures. To date, Hong Kong has never had an official lockdown, but people take the lead from the government, which asked all civil servants to work from home under two orders. People in Hong Kong are very careful to protect themselves and others, and mask wearing is universally practiced. With one of the highest population densities in the world, Hong Kong has managed to ward off a high level of viral transmission and achieved minimal death.

“When I traveled to London for meetings at the end of January through the middle of February, friends and colleagues were not concerned.They also thought it was odd that there would be runs on basic supplies like toilet paper. We know now how quickly the virus traveled and the devastation it has inflicted on our world, with the highest rates of infection and death in Europe and the United States.

“At my office in Hong Kong, we continue to practice a work- from-home policy. Our U.K. head office went into lockdown. This forced many businesses to operate remotely and digitally. For many of us, it was a continuation of the restrictions we have become accustomed to.

“My proudest moment thus far during this pandemic is how the Columbia community in Greater China and Singapore banded together to raise funding to procure and donate PPE to our frontline medical professionals and essential workers. We raised more than $2.1 million in a matter of weeks, which allowed us to donate masks, respirators, gowns, gloves, eye protectors, hazmat suits and more to Columbia University Medical Center/New York Presbyterian Hospital and other affiliated hospitals and emergency service providers.

“During my time at Columbia, I was an official University tour guide. The highlight for me was always Low Memorial Library, where I would stop my tour group in front of the Columbia motto. In Latin, it reads: In Lumine Tuo Videbimus Lvmen (‘In thy light we shall see light’).

“During these dark times, it is my great hope that the pandemic has shown us how we can be better ourselves and that, united, we shall continue to see the light.”

PHOTOS COURTESY JILL SANTOPOLO ‘03

Editor and author

“O n March 12, when Penguin Random House (PRH)’s work-from-home policy began, I grabbed my laptop and headed out of New York City, down to Washington, D.C., where my husband works and where we have a second small apartment. I figured we’d be there for a week at the most, until he began to work from home, and then we’d head back to Manhattan. I’m writing this on May 8. We haven’t yet been back. We are grateful to have jobs we can do from home — his in data and analytics, mine as an editor and novelist. But both of us working from home has meant getting creative with our 700-sq.-ft. space. The bedroom is his office, the rest of the apartment, mine, with a desk — actually, a table that formerly held our record player — next to the refrigerator.

COURTESY JILL SANTOPOLO ‘03

“But at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about New York City. I lived there during 9-11, the 2003 blackout, Hurricane Sandy. I feel like I’ve abandoned my city in its time of need. Neoclassical buildings are beautiful, but so are skyscrapers.

“This pandemic might have made me a Washingtonian, but it also made me realize that in my heart I will always be a New Yorker.”

Entrepreneur; founder, Locasaur

“I left New York in mid-March thinking I’d be back in a matter of weeks, and my packing reflected this. As the situation became more clear, I realized I’d be staying here for a while, on my family’s farm in Virginia’s Shenandoah Valley. Those who know me know I’m not exactly upset by this. I grew up here, alongside a rotating menagerie of horses, chickens, sheep and the occasional goat. There are 10 shades of green in every direction, and I’ve never been more thankful for the wide open, secluded space. “So much of what’s great about New York happens after dark, and waking up early is done at your own peril. When I’m home, however, I’m on ‘farm time.’ Coffee is on and the house is buzzing by 6:00 a.m. My company Locasaur’s daily standup isn’t until 10:00 a.m., so early mornings are usually given to farm tasks and chores. There is a rhythm that you get into living on a farm; days keep churning, things keep needing to get done. A farmer’s mindset is that no matter the day’s challenge, you find a fix.

C OURTESY SIMON SCHWARTZ ‘17

“The majority of my day is devoted to re- mote work of the most urgent kind. Locasaur is a relationship app for local businesses and their regulars, and right now local businesses need their regulars more than ever. Every creative solution demanded by the reality of COVID-19 — the bakery now doing road- side pickup, the florist who started delivering, the bartender selling premixed cocktails — starts with a business having a group of core customers who truly care about it. Our goal is to power some of those creative solutions and help these businesses go digital without giving up the ‘personal touch’ that means so much to their survival. The next 12–18 months won’t be easy, but local business owners are uniformly some of the toughest people I know. In many ways they, too, have a farmer’s mindset.”

COURTESY MARGARET TRAUB ‘88

Head of global initiatives, International Medical Corps

“M y work is emergency medical relief, so the pandemic has taken over my daily life in every way. My organization normally works in conflict and disaster zones overseas, but with COVID-19, in addition to responding to the pandemic in 30 countries, we have deployed healthcare workers and supplies on the front-lines here in the United States — at hospitals in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland and Puerto Rico, so far.

“My days start around 5:30 a.m. — bleary-eyed in bed, scrolling through emails and the latest news. I learned early that if I don’t get into the shower by 6:30 a.m., I wind up chained to Skype and video calls in my PJs (and sometimes a nice blouse) until 5:00 p.m. Yes, that’s happened more times than I’m comfortable admitting.

“In between calls with our teams — mostly about procuring PPE, or moving supplies and clinicians, or raising money — I’m checking in with my family in New York, Utah and Arizona. I have a severely immuno-compromised sister and healthy but 90-ish-year-old parents, so I worry constantly about them and have to resist the urge to go be with them. I frequently text and call friends, including my Columbia pals. And at some point during my days I try to squeeze in a workout — usually to old episodes of 30 Rock. Another important COVID-19 distraction: cooking and baking, which I love.

“My heart breaks every day, thinking of the suffering going on around us. And not a day goes by that I don’t feel grateful to be healthy and to have a mostly healthy family and a job that puts a roof over our head and food on our table.

“Thanks to all those heroes out there, putting their lives on the line to serve their fellow humans. Everyone stay safe and healthy!”

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‘I Can’t Believe I Am Going to Say This, but I Would Rather Be at School’

We asked students, from kindergarten to 12th grade, what it’s like to learn from home. Here’s what they had to say, in their own words — and drawings.

Delia, 6, foreground, on an unusual playdate with Delilah, 6, in Montana. Credit...

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By Henry Dodd

Henry is 11 years old, stuck at home and, like many children, was given an extra assignment to keep him busy.

• April 14, 2020

Kids are getting more bored by the day. We wish we could go back to school to see our friends. But some of us are also really scared about getting the coronavirus, and we don’t want our friends and family to get it either.

That’s what kids across the country told The New York Times (where my dad works) when they were asked about learning from home during the coronavirus outbreak .

Some are having fun with their parents and their brothers and sisters, but most are missing their teachers, their friends and their normal lives. (As Dahlia Stringer, who is 11 like me, said in her letter, “Everyone knows little sisters are annoying” — little brothers sometimes are, too.) And a lot are frustrated about missing out on things like spring break, field trips and graduation.

“I’m hoping that things will be back to normal someday,” wrote Sasha Udovich, 9, from Los Angeles.

Same. Home-school is definitely boring, but I really hope we can make it through this safely and return to how things used to be. I miss my friends.

Here are some of the feelings about learning from home that kids across the country shared in letters and emails. They were gathered together and lightly edited by Adeel Hassan, who works with my dad.

Let’s start with the positives: Family time, freedom and snacks.

I like that I can stay with my parents the whole day because I really, really love them. I like that we can have our own P.E. with our dad. The only thing I don’t like is math. But I still would have been doing that in school, so I guess it’s better to do it at home at least.

— Judah Rajski, 7, Tampa, Fla.

Alice: I like being home because you can eat and drink while you are doing your schoolwork. And you get to do your homework with your sister. You can ask mom or dad to help you, because they are both at home now. You don’t even have to raise your hand.

Shelby: You can go outside and play when you finish your work, while at school, you have to read silently after you finish.

— Shelby Sanders, 10, Alice Sanders, 6, Baton Rouge, La.

It gives me time to work and complete assignments on my time throughout the day. Rather than sit in school for six hours, I can break up the work throughout the day and use the extra time to work around the house or go outside.

— Ana, 15, Southbridge, Mass.

The positive thing about being home during the coronavirus pandemic is that I get to spend time with my family and share with them what I’m learning. I get to involve my parents in activities that I have only done with my friends. I also get to see what my siblings are learning and help them.

— Miabella Capote, Denver, N.C.

I enjoy staying home as long as I don’t think too much about why I’m not at school. I actually have more time on my hands than I know what to do with. I’ve been trying to use that extra time for productive things, like learning how to cook.

— Charlie, 17, Kirkland, Wash.

Samuel: The best thing about being at home is you get to hang around your family more and not being able to be around other people helps you get outside, and do some exercise.

Anna: I do like learning from home because I get more work done than I usually do because I have my parents’ assistance. I don’t because I am away from all of my friends and my teacher’s assistance. It is also difficult to see and do assignments online. But I do get to take breaks, go to the bathroom when I want, eat snacks, go outside, etc. I also don’t have to do any homework if I get all my work done for the day.

— Samuel Rogers, 12, and Anna Rogers, 12, Berea, Ky.

But there is a lot that makes it hard.

The worst is that the teachers might not always see your hand when you’re raising it. I really miss my friends and play dates. My mommy, and sometimes my daddy, have to help because it’s too hard sometimes.

— Noah Bresler, 6, Brooklyn

Life without school is much more boring then I thought it would be. Without the summerlike feeling of no work and being able to see friends, it’s actually very depressing.

— Una Hoppe, 14, Beacon, N.Y.

It’s really easy to get distracted at home. I like going to school and using the time at school to do schoolwork. Now all schoolwork is done at home, so my brain thinks there’s more homework because my brain hasn’t adjusted to staying home the whole day. Learning is difficult because before you were jogging and now you are crawling.

— Juny Tranel, 11, San Francisco

The thing I miss most about school is my friends, but I FaceTimed my friend today and I liked it.

— Ruth Rajski, 6, Tampa, Fla.

It’s hell. My teachers think what a responsible amount of work to be assigning is 40 minutes (about a class period) plus half an hour plus of homework. This is from EVERY teacher, so it adds up real fast. Over the last few days, I’ve had more work than I would usually have if schools weren’t closed — and I have to do it all sitting in the same spot for hours.

— Jasper Smith 17, Brooklyn

Because the work is optional, and the homework is not for a grade, I know many friends who choose not to work on it. Along with that, the assignments do not go along with what I’m currently learning at school. The homework is assigned to the entire grade, the levels of students academic-wise are different. Some students may be taking geometry, while others may be taking algebra or math. The assignments are often easy for a certain group of people, while for others it’s difficult.

— Bryan, 14, Pennsylvania

The technology can be fun, but it doesn’t always help.

I’m doing online learning through Google Classroom, and sometimes it’s difficult. My math problems won’t attach, the file didn’t save properly. But we have to work through that, and it’s necessary to help others.

— Eleanor Pitcher, 14, Wales, Mass.

I like our video morning meeting every day with my teachers and friends. It makes me feel like I’m still at school. My baby sister won’t leave me alone, so I decided to let her join.

— Ella Diwan, 6, Manhattan

I’m a visual learner, and so I prefer to take a hands-on approach, including marking up and annotating the work before me on actual paper. However, with online learning, it’s difficult, and I find myself writing much more than I usually would. My phone is right next to me, so it’s so easy to pick up my phone and text my friend, who I see on the screen, or check the newest post on Instagram and TikTok.

— Daniella Ojugo, 17, Burlington, N.J.

It’s harder to focus at home as there’s no one to discipline you for playing on your phone or talking to a friend. It’s harder to grasp certain concepts, specifically those that are more hands-on. It’s harder to ask questions since there’s no way to virtually raise your hand. And it’s harder to keep a smile on my face, because I don’t know if or when I’ll see my teachers and classmates in person again.

— Josephine Dlugosz, 18, Woodstock, Conn.

Many kids miss their friends and would rather be at school.

I miss my friends and having a regular schedule. I used to complain every day about having to go to school, but being in quarantine has really made me appreciate being in class. I’m sure that when I go back in the fall, I’ll probably go back to disliking it again, but for now I wish I was back in school.

— Molly Lawrence, 16, Hyattsville, Md.

I would prefer to go to school rather than be taught curriculum at home, because then I would be able to play with my friends at recess and talk with them at lunch. My parents don’t know what my teacher would teach, so I can’t learn the new science curriculum. I can only review science I have already been taught.

— Kaelin Cunningham, 11, Fairfax, Va.

It’s not as glorious as it seems. It gets boring. I personally am starting to miss my friends and my teachers. I sit inside all day and work. Yes, I am grateful for what I have, and I am grateful I still have a family. Staying home and doing distant learning has made me discover deep respect for teachers I didn’t even know I have. Now I see how hard they work for their students. I see how much they care.

— Tatum Connolly-Wazewski, 13, New Windsor, N.Y.

There are days where I don’t want to do any work, and it’s really easy to just not do it. Learning at school definitely helps motivate me to get my work done, because I’m in the environment to do work and there’s really nothing else I can do. At home I have the liberty to literally do anything other than schoolwork.

— Valeria Ramos, 16, Riverdale Park, Md.

I feel like I understand more at school than at home looking at the screen. I think some of my teachers try their best to teach me through video calls, but for some subjects, it doesn’t always work or help. Sometimes I am lost. Even if I ask a million questions, I don’t feel that it is the same, and I can’t believe I am going to say this, but I would rather be at school than home. I find it distracting that I am at home and learning at the same time, because there are so many distractions — you either hear the TV on, someone’s cooking, police and ambulance sirens in the background, etc. I can say emotionally my teachers have been very helpful and caring, which I love the most.

— Syeda Saima, 15, Queens

The virus is scary. And thinking about it can make you sad.

Every day I take a walk around my neighborhood with my parents and when I see my friends, I’m told I’m have to stay six feet away. I get really sad I can’t be with them. I’m also scared they’ll never find a cure and I’ll never get to play close with my friends again. I’m hoping that things will be back to normal someday.

— Sasha Udovich, 9, Los Angeles

I’m in my last year of middle school, and I will probably have to finish it from home. I wonder about the students next year, students who I’ll spend the next four years with, whose family died because of this, whose parents died because of this. I wonder about my family. Are they going to get sick? I wonder about the children who’ll die. I wonder if I’ll be one of them. If my family will be the one this virus reaches next. I start high school next year, and I wonder how.

— Louisa Elena, 13, Jacksonville, Fla.

My little brother asks every morning if the germs went away yet — he really misses school like me.

— Tessa Podvesker, 7, Montclair, N.J.

It’s hard to know what the future will be like.

Online school is the equivalent of no school. The one-on-one time, the accountability, the schedule and routine are all gone. No parent is perfect, and no parent can effectively replace seven to eight teachers, all with different subjects. The issue is the loss of many factors for success. Isolation, no routine, even just the lack of repercussions for not doing work. All of this leads to a decline.

— Pres, 17, Fayetteville, Ark.

Thousands of juniors (including myself) have selected rigorous courses for our last full year before our apps are due. Many of us are taking five or six A.P. classes and finally getting leadership positions for the clubs and activities we dedicated so much time to. As I sit at home, I feel that the edge that I have been working so long for is slipping away. I was ready to make this last full semester count.

— Fahad Mohsin, 17, Northborough, Mass.

I feel as if I can’t take a break or “turn off” school. I’m up at 7 a.m. and doing some form of school work or studying until 7 p.m. I even take my flashcards down while I make lunch.

— Madisen Cordell, 17 , Lake Stevens, Wash.

Most schools in America have senior prom, Senior Ditch Day, senior prank, senior banquets, and most important, graduation. No one signed a contract giving me the right to any of that, but then again, I feel entitled to my senior year.

When I walked out of school on March 11, I didn’t expect that to be the last time I would see the people and the places that helped me mature into the person that I am today. Now when people ask what high school taught me, I can honestly say that I learned something outside of math and science: Nothing in life is promised.

— Rachel Osband, 18, San Jose, Calif.

An earlier version of a picture caption with this article misidentified the location of Delia and Delilah's playdate. It was in Gallatin County, Mont., not Poulsbo, Wash.

How we handle corrections

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Personal Experience of the COVID-19 Pandemic Essay

• To find inspiration for your paper and overcome writer’s block
• As a source of information (ensure proper referencing)
• As a template for you assignment

The COVID-19 outbreak was a sudden and terrifying experience for all people around the world. I remember telling my friends that the virus would not last for a long time and that we would all meet after two weeks of self-isolation. I did not know how far it would go and what changes to my life it would bring. Sitting at home and watching the news about millions of infected and fatal cases made me realize how fragile human life is. The pandemic has both positive and negative effects on people and their businesses. This paper addresses these effects and provides my experience of the COVID-19 healthcare crisis.

The virus that is still ongoing has taught a valuable thing for all of us that is being able to adapt to rapidly changing circumstances. You will never know what is waiting for you in the future, and you should be flexible and calm enough to embrace the new reality. At the beginning of the pandemic, it was fun to sit at home, watch TV series and chat with my friends. Yet, after some time, I realized how my mental health was going downwards as I started to feel anxiety about the world and my future. I also felt very sorry for people who lost their close ones because of COVID. However, I somehow managed that stress due to mental health support, podcasts, and books. I realized that being able to adapt to a changing reality is the only way to keep doing daily routines. At a country level, countries were also adapting and making new policies, and I think now many political figures are more flexible being aware of sudden changes. There were too many mistakes to realize the importance of effective and fast decisions that take into account today’s reality.

One more positive thing about the pandemic is that people learned the value of family and socialization. People cannot live alone, and they need someone to rely on and care for. During the pandemic, I was with my family, and I think it was the first time interacting with them so closely. We were discussing the situation and sharing personal concerns a lot, so that I could understand my family more and support them. I was also worried about older members of the family, thinking that I did not appreciate time with them before the pandemic. It made me reconsider my family relations and understand that they are my close ones, and I should dedicate my time to them more. I assume this was a great lesson for everyone, and I hope people would value their families and take care of them.

One of the crucial changes that the COVID-19 outbreak brought to us is online education. I did not know how to assess such kind of education as positive or negative as there are many arguments for each side. Personally, I liked the online mode of the studies because I could also register for other courses provided for free by different universities and platforms like Coursera. I also learned how to manage time properly as the increased number of assignments forced me to do so. Yet, many students did not like online education as we could not focus well on our studies. People live in different conditions, some of us did not have personal space for studying while others did not have time for education. Education is indeed a privilege, but the online mode made it even worse. Moreover, I heard that in some countries, students climbed on trees to have access to the Internet and do their homework.

The COVID-19 crisis increased inequality across the world and had a negative impact on the world economy. People in developing countries did not have proper healthcare services and tools for online mode of working and studying. Many people lost their jobs, being unable to sustain their families. Such conditions raised crime rates, unemployment rates, and global hunger, putting many countries in a hard socio-economic situation. Furthermore, the virus split people into two categories of supporters of vaccination and those who are against it. This division between people caused social disturbances that made the healthcare crisis turn into an ideological fight. People were making up some stories regarding the COVID-19 and not contributing to the solution of the outbreak. In my opinion, such a response of the public is expected as the general mass wanted answers that government officials did not have. As such, the government should be very careful on how to communicate with citizens.

Overall, there is much to say about the effects of Covdi-19. For me, it was an experience of taking care of my mental health and being close to my family. For the world, it has resulted in disrupted economies, increased inequality, and loss of lives. I hope the crisis made people rethink their lives and be supportive of others. I also believe that the world would not be the same after the end of COVID-19 if it actually has an end.

• The COVID-19 Pandemic: Concerns, Responses, and Lessons
• Ethnography During COVID-19 Pandemic
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• Experience of Working With a Nursing Specialist
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• Chicago (A-D)
• Chicago (N-B)

IvyPanda. (2023, January 3). Personal Experience of the COVID-19 Pandemic. https://ivypanda.com/essays/personal-experience-of-the-covid-19-pandemic/

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IvyPanda . 2023. "Personal Experience of the COVID-19 Pandemic." January 3, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/personal-experience-of-the-covid-19-pandemic/.

1. IvyPanda . "Personal Experience of the COVID-19 Pandemic." January 3, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/personal-experience-of-the-covid-19-pandemic/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Personal Experience of the COVID-19 Pandemic." January 3, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/personal-experience-of-the-covid-19-pandemic/.

• Open access
• Published: 01 June 2024

What aspects of the pandemic had the greatest impact on adolescent mental health: duration of lockdown or subjective experience?

• Hiroko Fujimoto   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0002-6999-1012 1 , 2 ,
• Anita Heywood   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0003-4400-7960 2 ,
• Kate Maston   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0002-6912-8550 1 , 3 ,
• Lyndsay Brown   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0001-9516-1381 1 ,
• Alexandra Bartholomew   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0001-9286-2756 1 ,
• Aliza Werner-Seidler   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0002-9046-6159 1 , 4 ,
• Helen Christensen   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0003-0435-2065 3 &
• Philip J. Batterham   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0002-4547-6876 5  

Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health volume  18 , Article number:  63 ( 2024 ) Cite this article

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The COVID-19 pandemic negatively impacted global mental health, with adolescents experiencing disproportionate effects. Limited research has explored the impact of different pandemic restrictions on adolescent mental health, and only a few studies have examined the longer-term impacts of the pandemic on adolescent mental health. These investigations are crucial for informing public health policies, particularly the integration of mental health care in future public health emergencies.

This study aimed to investigate the impact of lockdown duration and the impact of adolescents’ subjective experiences of the pandemic on their wellbeing, internalising symptoms, and externalising symptoms. Australian adolescents ( N  = 1,001, mean age = 14.2 years) completed a baseline survey in 2021, shortly after pandemic lockdowns were lifted (Time 1), and a follow-up survey approximately 12 months later (Time 2). Predictors of interest were the total duration of COVID-19 lockdowns across 2020–2021, and adolescents’ subjective experiences of the pandemic on their social connections, learning, technology use and family relationships. A range of covariates were included in analyses to examine subgroup differences.

Linear mixed-effects models indicated that total duration of the lockdown was not associated with any of the outcomes at Time 1 or Time 2 (all p s > 0.017). Negative subjective experience of the pandemic on learning was associated with greater externalising symptoms at both Time 1 (t = 5.17, df = 980, p  <.001) and Time 2 (t = 2.72, df = 708, p  =.007). Negative subjective experience of the pandemic on social connection was associated with greater internalising symptoms at Time 2 only (t = 3.20, df = 709, p  =.001). Negative subjective experience of the pandemic on family relationships or technology use was not associated with any of the outcomes at Time 1 or Time 2 (all p s > 0.017).

Conclusions

Adolescents’ negative subjective experience of the pandemic on learning and social connections was associated with greater internalising and externalising symptoms after the lockdown had been lifted. Duration of lockdowns was not associated with any of the primary outcomes. During future public health emergencies, mental health interventions should be tailored to assist adolescents to adapt to new learning environments, and to build and maintain social connections.

The COVID-19 pandemic negatively impacted the mental health of the global population, particularly adolescents [ 1 , 2 ]. This heightened vulnerability amongst adolescents may be related, at least partly, to their context. That is, to living in an increasingly anxiogenic environment where socioeconomic, environmental, and political factors, including international pandemics, combine to drive the onset and continuity of anxiety [ 3 ]. Many of these factors associated with mental health disproportionately affect adolescents [ 4 ] and may have been intensified by the pandemic. Another factor that may have increased adolescents’ vulnerability to mental health challenges during the pandemic is their peer-based psychosocial development. The pandemic restrictions, including social distancing, school closures, and stay-at-home orders limited adolescents’ social contact with their peers and may have inadvertently disrupted this psychosocial development [ 5 ] which is central to adolescent identity formation [ 6 ].

In four years since the initial implementation of the COVID-19 restrictions, there have been several systematic reviews of cross-sectional studies [ 2 , 7 , 8 ] and longitudinal studies [ 1 , 2 ], all showing the overall negative impact of the pandemic restrictions on adolescents’ mental health. A recent meta-analysis suggests that the global prevalence of mental health symptoms among adolescents doubled from pre-pandemic times to during lockdown when 25% of young people were estimated to experience clinical levels of depression and 20% estimated to experience clinical levels of anxiety [ 9 ]. However, it is important to note that most of the data from these studies was collected at the initial phase of the pandemic (up to November 2020), leaving a gap in our understanding of the enduring repercussions of the pandemic, including during the post lockdown period. Existing research exploring longer-term effects has yielded mixed results [ 1 , 2 ]. Some longitudinal studies investigated young people’s mental health during the transition period from the lockdowns to school re-opening [ 10 , 11 , 12 ]. For example, a US study found that depression and anxiety symptoms decreased to pre-pandemic levels after schools re-opened [ 10 ], while an Australian study found that when schools re-opened post pandemic, there was a significant increase in depression symptoms and externalising symptoms, and a decrease in mental wellbeing [ 11 ]. Another study found a positive association between COVID-19 related stressors during the lockdowns and mental health symptoms six months after school re-opening [ 12 ].

These mixed findings could be attributed to heterogeneity across these studies. For example, one major difference is that across countries and regions, experiences of the pandemic, including case counts, stringency and duration of the lockdown restrictions varied significantly. Additionally, heterogeneity arises from the utilisation of different assessment tools and measures for gauging experiences across studies. Numerous studies employed subjective measures to assess the impact of the pandemic, for example, stress, fear, concerns and worry regarding the impact of the pandemic on learning [ 2 , 8 , 13 , 14 , 15 ], social connections and family relationships [ 2 , 14 , 15 , 16 ]. Although these subjective assessments are valid methods to measure the impact of the pandemic, it is also necessary to complement them with more objective measures of the impact of pandemic restrictions on mental health and wellbeing, especially given that objective aspects of the restrictions could be modified. For example, better knowledge about the association between duration of lockdowns and mental health can quantify the toll that such public health measures exact on mental health and wellbeing. This might also indicate whether there was a threshold level at which the lockdown began to impair mental health at a population level. Such objective measures, in conjunction with self-reported impacts, offer a comprehensive evidence base which is essential for shaping informed public health policies. Integrating this data with knowledge about infectious diseases equips public health authorities to make informed decisions about how to implement lockdown measures in the most optimal ways possible, that is, balancing the imperative to reduce virus transmission with protecting the mental health of the population from the ramifications of such restrictions. In future pandemics or similar crises, this knowledge may contribute to governments being able to mitigate mental health challenges in the population and provide more targeted and effective mental health care during such exigencies.

A few studies employed an objective measure to assess the impact of the pandemic using the stringency of pandemic policies (i.e., the level of government restriction severity in response to the pandemic) [ 17 , 18 , 19 , 20 ]. Some studies comprehensively measured the stringency using multiple policy indicators (e.g., school closures, workplace closures, cancellation of public events, restrictions on gatherings, public transportation closures, stay at home requirements, restrictions on internal movement, international travel control) [ 17 , 20 ] while other studies used levels of lockdown severity only [ 18 , 19 ]. More stringent policies have been found to be associated with higher levels of psychological distress, lower life evaluation [ 17 ], higher levels of depressive symptoms [ 18 ], a greater increase in depression symptoms and a lesser symptom reduction from pre-to post-pandemic [ 19 ]. Another study found that the stringency of lockdown measures mediated a reduction in the number of self-harm presentations among children and adolescents [ 20 ]: the presentations of self-harm among males, children in care, and those who engaged in self-harm due to social isolation were found to be likely to increase with lockdown stringency, whereas presentations among children from deprived neighbourhoods were found to have decreased with more stringent lockdown regulations [ 20 ]. However, none of these studies investigated whether varying durations of lockdown impacted mental health differently.

In Australia, lockdowns enforced during the pandemic were strict and lengthy relative to other nations and the duration of the lockdowns differed significantly between the geographical areas of Australia. Between 2020 and 2021, Melbourne experienced the world’s longest lockdown (nearly nine months) and in Sydney, residents were in lockdown for five and half months on average. Although there have been studies examining the impact of the pandemic on mental health among Australian youth, they are limited to cross-sectional studies [ 14 ], or they only examined short-term mental health impacts during 2020 [ 11 , 15 , 21 , 22 ].

When examining the impact of different pandemic restrictions on the mental health of adolescents, it is crucial to consider potential confounders given that some young people were at higher risk of poor mental health than others during the pandemic. These risk factors included gender [ 1 , 2 ], lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and asexual (LGBTQA) + identity [ 23 ], disability diagnoses [ 24 ], mental health diagnoses [ 14 , 25 ], hours of daily screen time and sleep quality [ 12 , 14 ], social support [ 2 , 26 , 27 ] and social connection [ 2 , 15 ]. Other established risk factors for poor mental health outcomes, such as socioeconomic disadvantage, racial and cultural discrimination [ 28 , 29 ], have not been closely examined during the pandemic [ 2 ] and also warrant examinations for their confounding effects on the impact of the pandemic restrictions on adolescent mental health.

The current study aimed to address the research gaps outlined above by investigating both objectively and subjectively measured impacts of the pandemic restrictions on adolescents’ wellbeing, internalising symptoms, and externalising symptoms in the short- and longer-term. Firstly, we aimed to investigate how the duration of COVID-19 lockdowns implemented in 2020–2021 in the states of New South Wales (NSW: the state in which Sydney is located), and Victoria (VIC: the state in which Melbourne is located), impacted adolescents’ wellbeing, internalising symptoms, and externalising symptoms on two occasions: Time 1: Immediately after lockdown restrictions were lifted in 2021 and schools re-opened; and Time 2: 12 months later in 2022. Secondly, we aimed to investigate adolescents’ subjective experience of the pandemic on their learning, social connection, technology use, and family relationships, and to consider how this affected their wellbeing, internalising symptoms, and externalising symptoms at Time 1 and Time 2. Finally, we aimed to understand the risk and protective factors associated with adolescents’ wellbeing, internalising symptoms, and externalising symptoms during the pandemic by examining the effects of demographic and contextual factors as covariates.

Study design and participants

Data used in this study comes from a prospective cohort study of the mental health of Australian adolescents, with an embedded randomised-controlled trial of digital prevention intervention for depression (the Future Proofing Study [ 30 ]). Participants ( N  = 6,388, mean age = 13.9 years at baseline) complete comprehensive mental health and wellbeing surveys annually for six years. The design, methods and baseline characteristics of the Future Proofing Study are described elsewhere [ 30 ].

The current study used a subsample of the Future Proofing Study cohort consisting of NSW and VIC students who completed their baseline surveys in the school term immediately following the 2021 lockdown (October-December 2021). From the total baseline sample of n  = 6,388, we excluded participants on the basis of date of completion ( n  = 4,881 excluded), location ( n  = 418 excluded), or missing data at Time 1 ( n  = 21 excluded). Participants who resided in areas other than NSW and VIC were excluded to avoid introducing lockdown stringency to models as a potential confounder. Participants from Queensland, South Australia and Western Australia were excluded because they did not experience lockdown measures as stringent as those in NSW and VIC. Participants who completed their baseline survey before October 2021 or after December 2021 were also excluded because the duration and subjective experience of the pandemic lockdowns could differ depending on the timing of data collection. Students who were missing any Time 1 (baseline) data in the final regression model (see model specifications) were also excluded from analyses. All of these exclusion criteria resulted in a final sample of N  = 1,001. Two years of data were included: Time 1 data were collected in 2021 and Time 2 data were collected 12 months later in 2022. This year-long gap between data collection allowed an exploration of the short- and longer-term impacts of the pandemic restrictions and lockdowns on wellbeing, internalising symptoms, and externalising symptoms. Those participants who provided data about internalising and externalising symptoms at Time 2 (12 months) were included in the relevant follow-up analyses ( n  = 729) with 27.2% lost to follow-up. Similarly, those participants who provided wellbeing outcome data at Time 2 (12 months) were included in the relevant analyses ( n  = 726) with 27.5% lost to follow-up.

Internalising and externalising symptoms

Internalising and externalising symptoms were measured using the Strengths and Difficulties Questionnaire [SDQ; 31 ]. The SDQ is a 25-item screening questionnaire designed to measure the behavioural, emotional and relationship problems of children and adolescents aged between 4 and 17 years. The questionnaire consists of five subscales, each of which measures hyperactivity, emotional symptoms, conduct problems, peer problems, and prosocial behaviour. Each subscale comprises five items where respondents indicate the extent to which each item applies to them on a 3-point Likert scale, using the options of “Not true”, “Somewhat true” or “Certainly true”. The current study used an internalising symptoms subscale (i.e., the sum of emotional symptoms and peer problems subscales) and externalising symptoms subscale (i.e., the sum of hyperactivity and conduct problems subscales). The total score of each subscale ranges from 0 to 20, and higher scores indicate greater symptoms. The internalising and externalising scales were used because they assess the broader construct of these problems which are likely to be more accurate descriptions than five subscales with low-risk community samples [ 32 ]. Both subscales had good internal consistency (Cronbach’s α of 0.82 and 0.83, respectively) [ 33 ].

Wellbeing was measured using the short form of the Warwick Edinburgh Mental Wellbeing Scale [SWEMWBS; 34 ]. Respondents indicate the frequency of seven statements about their feelings and thoughts over the past two weeks using a 5-point Likert scale (“None of the time, “Rarely”, “Some of the time”, “Often” and “All of the time”). The total score is the sum of all seven items, transformed using a conversion table. The total score ranges from 7 to 35, and a higher score indicates a higher level of wellbeing. This scale demonstrated good internal consistency (Cronbach’s α of 0.89) [ 35 ].

Predictors (COVID-19 pandemic measures)

Lockdown duration.

Information regarding the duration of COVID-19 lockdowns in each NSW Local Government Area (LGA) between 2020 and 2021 was extracted from publicly available COVID-19 related public health orders that were legislated by the NSW Minister for Health and Medical Research under the Public Health Act 2010 [ 36 ]. We reviewed all relevant public health orders (e.g., enforced commencement, extension, and cancellation of stay-at-home orders) and then recorded the duration and brief details of each stay-at-home order for all NSW LGAs throughout 2020 and 2021. The total duration of stay-at-home orders (in days) for each LGA was calculated by combining the duration of each order over the two years. There were four different durations of lockdown among the participants i.e., 95 days (10.4%), 130 days (6.3%), 170 days (65.6%) and 262 days (17.7%). The variable was then classified into three categories “less than 150 days”, “150–200 days” and “more than 200 days”. For the entire state of VIC, the total duration of the COVID-19 lockdown between 2020 and 2021 was over 250 days [ 37 ].

Adolescents’ subjective experience of the pandemic

We measured adolescents’ subjective experience of the pandemic using relevant items from the COVID-19 exposure and impact questionnaire. The data was collected from study participants immediately after the 2021 lockdowns (October–December). The survey items were adapted from an existing questionnaire that assesses perceptions of the pandemic [ 14 , 38 ] and were developed specifically for the Future Proofing Study. Four items were selected to evaluate participants’ subjective experience of the perceived impact of the pandemic on: (i) learning (“How do you think the pandemic affected your learning?”); (ii) social connection (“How socially connected did you feel towards your friends during the COVID-19 pandemic?”); (iii) technology use (“How much did you use technology e.g. texting, video-chat, to connect with your friends during the pandemic?”); and (iv) relationships with family members (“How has the pandemic affected your relationships with family members at home?”). Respondents indicate the extent to which each item applies to them on a 3-point Likert scale using the options of: “Negatively”, “Not at all” and “Positively” for learning and relationships with family members; “Less connected”, “No change” and “More connected” for social connection; and “Less than usual”, “The same” and “More than usual” for technology use. The participants’ responses were classified into binary categories: “Negative impact” and “Positive impact or no impact”.

Potential confounders in the associations of interest were collected at the Time 1 survey or drawn from existing administrative data. Details of each measure are described with questionnaire items provided in Supplementary Table 1 , Additional File 3.

Individual characteristics

Gender identity. Respondents indicated their current gender identity using the options of “Female”, “Male”, “Non-binary” and “Other”. “Non-binary” and “Other” were combined and categorised into “Gender diverse”.

LGBTQA + identity. Participants indicated their sexual orientation using the options of “Heterosexual or straight”, “Gay or lesbian”, “Bisexual”, “Pansexual”, “Asexual”, “Other”, “Not sure” and “Prefer not to say”. “Gay or lesbian”, “Bisexual”, “Pansexual”, “Asexual”, “Other” with valid response were combined and categorised into “Sexuality diverse”. Respondents who indicated that they are either “Gender diverse” (base on their response to the gender identity question) or “Sexuality diverse” were categorised as “LGBTQA + identity”. Other respondents were categorised as “non-LGBTQA + identity”.

Linguistic diversity. Respondents used a drop-down list to indicate a language that they speak the most at home. Responses were classified into binary categories: “English” and “Other than English”.

Country of birth . Participants indicated their country of birth using a drop-down list. Responses were classified into binary categories: “Born in Australia” and “Born overseas”.

Perceived family wealth. Participants indicated perceived level of family wealth by responding to the question ‘How well off you think your family is’?. The response choices are: “Not at all”, “Not very”, Fairly”, “Rather” and “Very” and “Prefer not to say”. “Not at all” and “Not very” were combined into “Low”; “Fairly” was categorised into “Middle”; and “Rather” and “Very” were combined into “High”. “Prefer not to say” category remained as is.

Mental health diagnoses. Respondents indicated whether they have ever been diagnosed with any of the following mental health conditions: depression, social phobia, generalised anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsory disorder, panic disorder, separation anxiety disorder, alcohol use disorder, substance use disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and schizophrenia/psychosis. Based on the responses, participants were grouped into either: “One or more mental health diagnoses” or “No mental health diagnosis”.

Disability diagnoses. Respondents indicated whether they have ever been diagnosed with any of the following conditions: Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome, intellectual disability, specific learning disability, Tourette Syndrome or other chronic tic disorder, cerebral palsy, acquired brain injury, other neurological disability, hearing impairment, and visual impairment. Based on the responses, participants were grouped into either: “One or more disability diagnoses” or “No disability diagnosis”.

Social and behavioural characteristics

Household makeup. Participants indicated who lives in their home. Responses were categorised into living with: “Two parents”, “Single parent”, “Blended (stepparents)” and “Other”.

Daily screen time. Participants indicated their average daily screen time using the option of “0–1 hour”, “1–2 hours”, “2–3 hours”, “3–4 hours”, “4–5 hours”, and “5 + hours”. Responses were classified into binary categories: “Up to 3 hours” and “More than 3 hours”.

Sleep quality. Sleep quality was measured using a global score of Pittsburgh Sleep Quality Index where a higher global score indicates poorer sleep quality. This index has demonstrated a high level of internal consistency (Cronbach’s α of 0.83) [PSQI; 39 ].

Extroversion. Extroversion was measured by the extroversion scale of the Big Five Personality Inventory (Cronbach’s α of 0.89) [BFI-10; 40 ].

Social support. Social support was assessed using an abbreviated version of the Schuster Social Support Scale [SSSS; 40 ]. The SSSS is a 15-item measure of positive and negative interactions with family, friends and spouse. Participants in this study are asked to respond to 10 items chosen from the SSSS to assess interactions with family and friends only. Each item is rated on a 4-point Likert scale ranging from 0 (Never) through to 3 (Often). Scores are interpreted per category, for friends and family, with higher scores on the supportive interaction scales indicative of more supportive interactions, and higher scores on the negative interaction scales indicative of more negative interactions. Positive items had an acceptable level of reliability (Cronbach’s α of 0.64–0.75), while negative items had a lower than acceptable reliability (Cronbach’s α of 0.56–0.74) requiring caution when interpreting outcomes [ 41 ].

School connectedness. School connectedness was measured using items from the OECD Programme for International Student Assessment [PISA; 42 ]. Six items are administered, rated on a 4-point Likert scale from 1 (strongly agree) through to 4 (strongly disagree). Total scale scores can range from 6 to 24, with higher scores reflecting greater school connectedness (Cronbach’s α of 0.83) [ 43 ].

School characteristics

School sector and location. Data about school sector (government or non-government) and location (major city or inner regional area) was collected via the My School website [ 44 ].

School socio-economic advantage. School socio-economic advantage was measured using the Index of Community Socio-Educational Advantage of participants' school [ICSEA; 45 ].

Study group allocation. Because the cohort comes from the Future Proofing Study, a prospective cohort with an embedded randomised-controlled trial of digital prevention intervention for depression, study group allocation (intervention or control) was also adjusted for as a covariate.

School-LGA characteristics

Cultural and linguistic diversity. The percentage of residents who speak language other than English at participants’ school-LGA, and percentage of residents who were born overseas were each calculated using the recent census data [ 46 ].

Participating students and their parents provided opt-in consent to take part in the Future Proofing Study. Students completed online consent and Time 1 and Time 2 surveys during in-class sessions which were facilitated by members of the research team at the Black Dog Institute. Eligible students completed Time 1 surveys immediately after school re-opened between October and December 2021, and Time 2 surveys 12 months later between September and December 2022.

Statistical analyses

Data preparation, frequencies and descriptive statistics and linear mixed-effects models were performed using SPSS statistical software (version 27). Linear mixed-effects models were performed to test whether the COVID-19 pandemic variables predicted wellbeing, internalising symptoms, and externalising symptoms at Time 1 and Time 2, while adjusting for the potential covariates. A random intercept for school was included in all models described above to account for the cluster sampling used in the current study. The Bonferroni-corrected p value of 0.017 was used as significance threshold in all the models to account for the multiple comparisons (three outcomes). Under the assumption that data were missing random, linear mixed-effects models excluded participants with missing data from analyses relevant to the missing data.

Model specifications

To first examine the fixed effects of the COVID-19 pandemic variables on the outcomes, five COVID-19 pandemic variables (lockdown duration, subjective experiences of the pandemic on learning, social connection, technology use, and family relationships) were simultaneously entered into the initial models as fixed effects without any potential covariates (model 1). The COVID-19 pandemic variables which were not associated with any of the outcomes based on omnibus tests in model 1 (based on p  <.017) were excluded from further models. All potential covariates were then added to the models as fixed effects (model 2). To develop more parsimonious models, covariates which were not significantly associated with any of the outcomes based on the omnibus test in model 2 were excluded from further models. All COVID-19 pandemic variables and covariates which were significantly associated with at least one of the outcomes based on the earlier models were simultaneously entered into the final models (model 3). Based on omnibus tests in model 1 (see Supplementary Table 2 , Additional File 4), technology use during the pandemic was excluded from further models. Based on omnibus tests in model 2 (see Supplementary Table 3 , Additional File 5), the following variables were excluded from the analyses: perceived family wealth, individual-level linguistic diversity and country of birth, a history of mental health diagnosis, household makeup, school sector, study group allocation, and school LGA-level linguistic diversity and country of birth. Participants’ state (NSW or VIC) was also excluded as it was nested within total duration of lockdowns. Finally, significant COVID-19 pandemic variables in model 1 and significant covariates from model 2 were simultaneously entered into the final models as fixed effects to examine their independent associations with the outcomes at Time 1 (model 3). The same final model was then used to model the outcomes at Time 2 for consistency. Using the model, the final Hessian matrix was not positive-definite for internalising symptoms at Time 1, Time 2 or wellbeing at Time 2. Consequently, the models for these three outcomes were re-estimated without the random intercepts, given the possibility of small clustering (this re-analysis resulted in a positive-definite Hessian matrix). As the results of these models remained unchanged irrespective of the inclusion of the random effect, the results with the random effect were reported below.

Descriptive statistics

The sample of the current study consisted of 1,001 adolescents ( n  = 824, 82.3% resided in NSW and n  = 177, 17.7% resided in VIC). Baseline characteristics (individual and contextual factors, internalising symptoms, externalising symptoms, and wellbeing outcomes, and COVID-19 pandemic variables) are summarised in Table  1 , Additional File 1.

Primary analyses

Analysis using a linear mixed-effects model was performed with significant COVID-19 pandemic variables from model 1 and significant covariates from model 2 to examine their independent associations with the outcomes at Time 1 and Time 2.

COVID-19 pandemic measures

Estimates of fixed effects of all COVID-19 pandemic variables in model 3 on wellbeing, internalising symptoms, and externalising symptoms are summarised in Table  2 , Additional File 2. A negative reported subjective experience of the pandemic on learning was significantly associated with externalising symptoms at Time 1 (t = 5.17, df = 980, p  <.001, d = 0.26), where those who reported that the pandemic negatively affected their learning had greater externalising symptoms compared to those who reported that the pandemic positively affected or did not affect their learning. This association remained at Time 2 (t = 2.72, df = 708, p  =.007, d = 0.19). A negative subjective experience of the pandemic on social connection was significantly associated with internalising symptoms at Time 2 (t = 3.20, df = 709, p  =.001, d = 0.19), but not at Time 1 (t = 2.32, df = 981, p  =.20), where those who reported feeling less socially connected towards friends than usual during the pandemic had greater internalising symptoms 12 months after lockdowns lifted, compared with those who reported feeling more socially connected or had no change in social connection. A negative subjective experience of the pandemic on family relationships was not significantly associated with any of the outcomes at Time 1 (Internalising: t = 1.95, df = 981, p  =.052; Externalising: t = 0.40, df = 975, p  =.689; Wellbeing: t = 0.36, df = 974, p  =.722) or Time 2 (Internalising: t = 0.82, df = 709, p  =.411; Externalising: F = 0.84, df = 705, p  =.401; Wellbeing: t = 0.08, df = 706, p  =.939). Similarly, lockdown duration was not associated with any of the outcomes at Time 1 (Internalising: F = 0.071, df = 981, p  =.932; Externalising: F = 0.757, df = 51, p  =.474; Wellbeing: F = 1.172, df = 43, p  =.319), or Time 2 (Internalising: F = 0.228, df = 709, p  =.796; Externalising: F = 0.740, df = 23, p  =.488; Wellbeing: F = 0.405, df = 706, p  =.667).

Risk and protective factors—covariates

Estimates of the fixed effects of all individual, social, behavioural and school-level factors in model 3 on wellbeing, internalising symptoms, and externalising symptoms are summarised in Table  2 , Additional File 2. Risk factors identified for higher internalising symptoms at both Time 1 and Time 2 were female gender, LGBTQA + identity, poor sleep quality, and greater negative interactions with family. Gender diverse identity was associated with higher internalising symptoms at Time 1 only. Protective factors associated with lower internalising symptoms at both Time 1 and Time 2 were higher extroversion and higher school connectedness. Higher supportive interactions with friends was associated with lower internalising symptoms at Time 1 only.

Risk factors identified for higher externalising symptoms at both Time 1 and Time 2 were LGBTQA + identity, reported disability diagnosis, poor sleep quality, and greater negative interactions with family. Higher extroversion, more than 3 hours of daily screen time, and greater negative interactions with friends were associated with higher externalising symptoms at Time 1 only. A protective factor associated with lower externalising symptoms at both Time 1 and Time 2 was higher positive interactions with friends. Higher positive interactions with family and higher school connectedness were associated with lower externalising symptoms at Time 1 only.

A risk factor identified for lower wellbeing at both Time 1 and Time 2 was female gender. More than 3 hours of daily screen time, poor sleep quality, greater negative interactions with family, residing in an inner regional area, and higher school ICSEA were associated with lower wellbeing at Time 1 only. A reported disability diagnosis was associated with lower wellbeing at Time 2 only. Protective factors identified for wellbeing at both Time 1 and Time 2 were higher extroversion and higher school connectedness. Higher positive interactions with friends and family were associated with higher wellbeing at Time 1 only.

Our main findings indicate that adolescents’ negative subjective experience of the pandemic, specifically in terms of social connection and learning, was associated with higher internalising and externalising symptoms following lockdowns. However, the amount of time that adolescents spent in lockdown and their subjective experience of the pandemic on their family relationships were not associated with wellbeing, internalising symptoms, or externalising symptoms.

Contrary to public concerns about the toll of prolonged lockdowns on mental health [ 1 , 2 , 47 , 48 ], and despite large differences in lockdown durations between participants (< 150 days, 150–200 days and > 200 days), longer lockdowns were not associated with a deterioration in wellbeing, nor with an increase in internalising or externalising symptoms among Australian adolescents immediately after the lockdowns lifted or 12 months later. These findings highlight the importance of young people’s subjective experiences of pandemic restrictions in relation to their mental health. The importance of young people’s diverse experiences during the pandemic and the relationship of these experiences with mental health has been highlighted in the literature [ 2 , 49 ]. For example, for many young people, school closure meant that they missed face-to-face social interactions and experienced increased loneliness, while for others, it meant being away from various stressful aspects of in-person schooling such as negative peer interactions, bullying, and disruptive classroom environments [ 49 ]. Although the current study measured adolescents’ wellbeing, internalising symptoms, and externalising symptoms when schools reopened rather than during school closures, the impacts of these diverse experiences during the lockdowns may have had carry-on effects for adolescents’ mental health following the return to school.

Our findings highlight some of the aspects of young people’s lives that were important for their mental health during the pandemic, i.e., learning and social connection. Consistent with previous research [ 15 , 26 , 50 ], we found that adolescents who reported a negative impact of the pandemic on their learning had significantly higher externalising symptoms than those who did not, both when school reopened and 12 months later. One of the main changes associated with the lockdown for school students was the transition to online learning. Difficulty with online learning was one of the most commonly reported challenges faced by young people during the pandemic [ 2 ]. To successfully learn online, students needed not only material resources such as reliable internet, computer and distraction-free home environment, but also social resources such as parents and teachers who were available to provide guidance and support for online learning [ 51 ]. Disparities in students’ access to these resources were observed during the pandemic between Australian schools based on their level of socio-educational advantage [ 52 ]. These disparities included teachers’ inequitable access to professional training to support their students’ online learning [ 52 ]. In addition to these necessary resources, students were required to self-direct their learning to compensate for the lack of instructor support [ 51 ]. The greater demands for self-directed learning might have been particularly challenging for students with externalising problems. A US study estimated the pandemic digital divide could result in the loss of 7–14 months’ worth learning and prospective annual earnings of $110 billion, as well as the dropouts of 232,000 high school students [ 51 ]. In possible future emergencies with protracted lockdowns, public health resources need to be allocated to address this unequitable access to vital resources among school students to support their learning, mental health, and future.

Interestingly, we found that adolescents who reported that the pandemic had a negative impact on their social connections had significantly greater internalising symptoms 12 months after lockdowns were lifted (Time 2), but this association was not significant at school re-opening (Time 1). One possible explanation is that the effect of negative social connection on young people’s internalising symptoms might have been latent and thus not apparent when school re-opened. However, this negative impact might have become evident and observable following exposure to more social interactions in the subsequent year when school re-opened, a phenomenon which Wade et al. [ 53 ] describes as a sleeper effect . In a qualitative study [ 49 ], young people reported that their anxiety and stress was associated with adjusting to being back in the school environment, which was related, in part, to difficult peer interactions. Hence, in future situations when young people are restricted from interacting in person, mental health support and interventions could focus on assisting them to build and maintain social connections, as well as to develop social and interpersonal skills.

In sum, our findings suggest that lengthier lockdowns did not make statistically significant differences in the longer-term mental health and wellbeing of adolescents, but that the negative impact of lockdowns on their mental health can be minimised by supporting their transition into unfamiliar learning environments and by equipping them with the skills and tools required to connect with their social networks. Given that catastrophic natural disasters are becoming more common due to the escalating effects of climate change, lockdowns may well be required more often in the future. Therefore, it is vital to integrate these targeted strategies for mental health into future public health responses. In addition, considering the possibility of sleeper effects of the pandemic on young people’s mental health post-lockdown, policy makers also need to focus on providing post-lockdown support, equipping schools to intensify their efforts to assist students to rebuild their social connections and catch up with the learning that was interrupted by the pandemic. The main protective factors that we identified were school connectedness and positive interactions with friends and family, further emphasising the importance of social skills and peer connectivity as a buffer against the development of mental health symptoms associated with the pandemic.

Our results also demonstrated that various established risk factors for poorer mental health continued to be associated with lower wellbeing and higher internalising and externalising symptoms during and following the pandemic. In our sample, we found that females were at a higher risk of internalising symptoms during and following the pandemic, relative to males. This is not surprising, as studies have shown that females are more susceptible to experiencing symptoms of depression due to social stressors [ 54 ], and that they tend to place higher importance on peer relationships and support compared to males [ 55 ].

The other demographic group at higher risk of mental health symptoms were adolescents who reported LGBTQA + identity. Higher internalising and externalising symptoms among LGBTQA + young people during and following the pandemic could have been due to lockdown isolation from in-person identity-specific social connections and support, as well as confinement at home with potentially unsupportive families [ 23 ].

We also found that adolescents who reported one or more disability diagnoses had higher externalising symptoms at both time points, and lower wellbeing at Time 2. The reported higher externalising symptoms during the lockdown may be because many Australian students with a disability usually access counsellors and educational support at school which they cannot easily obtain at home [ 26 ]. During school closures, these students may have lost access to this tailored support, structured environment [ 56 ], and relationship and engagement with their teachers, which may have been important for their learning [ 52 ]. The higher externalising symptoms reported by adolescents with disabilities might therefore have been associated with the loss of these resources provided at school. The provision of specialised resources for their family to support their children’s home learning would have helped achieve the continuity of support for these students. However, many parents were not provided with such support and resources during the pandemic [ 24 , 56 ]. The higher externalising symptoms and lower wellbeing reported following the pandemic might have been related to a degree of ‘back to school stress’ for these young people. One study conducted in the UK found evidence that wellbeing among adolescents with disability improved during the lockdowns compared to pre-pandemic levels [ 57 ]. It is also important to note that neurological and developmental disorders are often comorbid with externalising symptoms [ 58 ]. Considering the comorbidity, adolescents with disability might have been already at a risk of externalising symptoms prior to the pandemic. School closures and remote learning resulting from the pandemic may well have exacerbated their existing risk.

Together, our findings highlight the importance of providing tailored support for these higher risk groups of adolescents. In future situations, public health resources need to be allocated to schools to enable staff to provide additional support to these vulnerable groups and their families.

Further, we found that poorer sleep quality was a risk factor associated with higher internalising and externalising symptoms both upon school reopening and 12 months later, as well as lower level of wellbeing upon returning to school. Adolescents who engaged in more than 3 hours of daily screen time were also found to have higher externalising symptoms and lower wellbeing at school re-opening. Our findings align with previous research demonstrating an association between adolescent mental health, and sleep quality and screen use during the pandemic [ 12 , 14 ]. These factors are potentially modifiable and are therefore viable targets for interventions.

Strengths and limitations

There are many strengths in this study. First, mental health and wellbeing outcomes were measured using validated instruments which provide a reliable proxy for mental health conditions. Although data from diagnostic interviews would have been more rigorous, this was not feasible given the scale of the cohort. Second, our data was collected at a later stage of the pandemic– that is, immediately after the end of the 2021 lockdown, and post-lockdown in 2022– whereas currently available evidence on the impact of the pandemic on mental health was largely collected at an early stage of the pandemic (i.e., 2020). Consequently, our study provides a more comprehensive picture of the short- and longer-term impacts of the pandemic on adolescent mental health. Finally, this study included longitudinal data hence providing an insight into how aspects of the pandemic relate to changes in adolescent mental health over a 12-month period.

The current study also has some limitations. As the baseline data were collected after the lockdowns in 2021, we were unable to examine the changes in mental health and wellbeing outcomes from pre-pandemic to during the pandemic. The timing of the data collection might also have increased the risk of recall bias when reporting subjective experiences, because participants were asked to retrospectively report the experiences they had from during the lockdowns when they had returned to school at the end of 2021. Also, the duration between the end of lockdown and the completion of the Time 1 surveys varied by approximately two months among participants. The variance might have influenced how accurately they reported their subjective experiences of the lockdowns. Further, the different lockdown durations mandated in Australia were not randomly allocated, and may have been associated with factors that could not be fully accounted for in the analyses. Moreover, the majority of our sample resided in major cities of NSW. It resulted in the < 150 days and > 200 days groups having smaller number of participants than 150–200 days group. The uneven distribution of participants in lockdown duration groups and the lack of a no-lockdown group might have influenced the results. In addition, most of the significant associations reported here are small in effect size. Although estimated differences in mental health and wellbeing outcomes between groups are statistically significant, they do not necessarily infer clinically significant differences. In addition, cross-sectional findings (at school re-opening) are limited to associations at a single point in time, and changes in associations cannot be examined. Moreover, attrition rate was about 25% for the analyses of the 12-month data and may have been non-random. Finally, there is a possibility of bidirectionality between identified pandemic-related risk factors and mental health outcomes (i.e., subjective impact on learning and externalising symptoms, and subjective impact on social connection and internalising symptoms). This bidirectionality was not examined in the current study.

To our knowledge, this is the first study to examine the association between lockdown duration and wellbeing, internalising symptoms, and externalising symptoms in adolescents. We did not find evidence to suggest that the total time spent in lockdown was associated with higher internalising or externalising symptoms, or with lower wellbeing. However, we did find evidence to suggest that adolescents’ negative subjective experiences of the lockdowns on their social connections and learning was associated with higher internalising and externalising symptoms, respectively. To protect young people’s mental health from the longer-term impacts of lockdowns in future similar scenarios, it is critical for policy makers to provide schools and families with the support to assist young people to adapt to new routines and learning environments, and to build and maintain social connections and social and interpersonal skills. This study also identified some groups of adolescents at elevated risk of higher internalising and externalising symptoms and lower wellbeing suggesting that tailored support should be provided to female youth, LGBTQA + youth, and adolescents with disabilities in future situations similar to the COVID-19 pandemic. Interventions and programs to support adolescent mental health could also focus on addressing the risk factors identified in this study such as poor sleep quality and extended screen use, as well as on strengthening protective factors such as family and peer support and a sense of belonging in schools. As the effects of climate change and international insecurity continue to present challenges, especially for young people, our findings play a vital role in arguing for better integration of mental health care when preparing for future pandemics and other similar public health crises.

Data availability

The datasets used and analysed during the current study are not publicly available because we do not have approval from the ethics committees to do so, and we do not wish to compromise individual privacy. No datasets were generated or analysed during the current study.

Abbreviations

New South Wales

Local Government Area

The Index of Community Socio-Education Advantage

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and Asexual

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Acknowledgements

We would like to acknowledge and thank the students who participated in this study as well as the school staff, counsellors and parents who provided ongoing support to enable the students’ participation.

This project was funded by a NHMRC Project Grant awarded to Helen Christensen (GNT1138405), a Ramsay Health Philanthropic Grant awarded to Helen Christensen and Aliza Werner-Seidler, a donation made by General Pants Co, a NHMRC Emerging Leader Fellowship awarded to Aliza Werner-Seidler (GNT1197074), and a SPRF NHMRC Fellowship to Helen Christensen (GNT1155614).

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Black Dog Institute, Sydney, NSW, Australia

Hiroko Fujimoto, Kate Maston, Lyndsay Brown, Alexandra Bartholomew & Aliza Werner-Seidler

School of Population Health, University of New South Wales, Sydney, NSW, Australia

Hiroko Fujimoto & Anita Heywood

School of Clinical Medicine, Discipline of Psychiatry and Mental Health, University of New South Wales, Sydney, NSW, Australia

Kate Maston & Helen Christensen

School of Psychology, University of New South Wales, Sydney, NSW, Australia

Aliza Werner-Seidler

Centre for Mental Health Research, The Australian National University, Canberra, ACT, Australia

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HF, KM, AWS, AH and PB conceptualised the study. HF analysed and interpreted the data with supervision from PB and AH. HF wrote the manuscript and all authors provided feedback. All authors read and approved the final manuscript.

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Correspondence to Hiroko Fujimoto .

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The current study is registered in Australian New Zealand Clinical Trial Registry and (ACTRN12619000855123) has ethical approval from the University of New South Wales Human Research Ethics Committee (HC180836), New South Wales Government State Education Research Applications Process Approval (SERAP 2019201) and relevant Catholic Schools Dioceses across Australia. Active consent was sought from school principals, parents, and students.

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Fujimoto, H., Heywood, A., Maston, K. et al. What aspects of the pandemic had the greatest impact on adolescent mental health: duration of lockdown or subjective experience?. Child Adolesc Psychiatry Ment Health 18 , 63 (2024). https://doi.org/10.1186/s13034-024-00759-3

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Published : 01 June 2024

DOI : https://doi.org/10.1186/s13034-024-00759-3

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Lost in lockdown: Study reveals feeling isolated from others can warp our perception of time

Feelings of loneliness and social isolation during the pandemic left many people confused about the order of events and struggling to remember what day of the week it was, a new study reveals.

The research, from the University of York, looked at the psychological impact of the pandemic, which spread to the UK in March 2020, through the lens of disorientation.

The researchers asked more than 3,300 French participants nearly 60 questions analysing the psychological effects of lockdowns. The survey took place during an acute phase of restrictions when there was a lockdown followed by a strict curfew.

The findings reveal both social and temporal disorientation -- a sensation of disarray in social interactions and sense of time -- was common.

Many participants in the study described feeling out of place and unsure how to behave in social situations.They also reported experiencing a blurring of time and feeling adrift as they struggled to keep track of events prior to the pandemic as well as what day of the week it was. The difficulty also extended onwards in time. Participants found it harder to imagine what lay ahead, and they felt more anxious and less in control of their future.

The researchers found that people who felt disconnected socially were highly likely to also experience temporal disorientation. Their analysis of the study data suggested a causal relationship between the two, with social isolation leading to disruptions in the experience of time.

Dr Pablo Fernandez Velasco, a British Academy postdoctoral fellow at the University of York, and the lead author of the study, said: "We found that social disorientation was a strong predictor of temporal disorientation and it looks likely that there was a causal relationship between the two. Feeling lonely and isolated from others seems to warp our perception of time, with a sense of feeling lost and confused spanning the past, present and future.

"Many people in our society, across all groups and demographics, suffer from loneliness. The findings of our study reinforce the importance for public authorities to address the compounding effect of feeling isolated both during crises and in day to day life."

The researchers found that young people under 25 were the age group most affected by feelings of disorientation.

The researchers suggest their findings point to a new phenomenon which they call "temporal rupture" which is like a fault line in our minds separating the "before" and "after" of the pandemic.

Dr Fernandez Velasco added: "Our study shows that the sense of a rift separating time before and time after the pandemic was a common experience during the Covid-19 crisis.

"The larger the experienced rift between pre-pandemic and pandemic times, the more disorientated people felt.

"The personal accounts collected in our study help advance the understanding of the potential impacts of feelings of loneliness and isolation via the extraordinary experiences of the pandemic."

• COVID and SARS
• Infectious Diseases
• Social Psychology
• Relationships
• Spirituality
• Influenza pandemic
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• Pablo Fernandez Velasco, Bastien Perroy, Umer Gurchani, Roberto Casati. Social and temporal disorientation during the Covid‐19 pandemic: An analysis of 3306 responses to a quantitative questionnaire . British Journal of Psychology , 2024; DOI: 10.1111/bjop.12704

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Strange & offbeat.

Juror says someone left her bag with $120,000 cash and promise of more if she’ll acquit

MINNEAPOLIS — A juror was dismissed Monday after reporting that a woman dropped a bag of $120,000 in cash at her home and offered her more money if she would vote to acquit seven people  charged with stealing  more than $40 million from a program meant to feed children during the pandemic.

“This is completely beyond the pale,” Assistant U.S. Attorney Joseph Thompson said in court Monday. “This is outrageous behavior. This is stuff that happens in mob movies.”

These seven are the first of 70 defendants expected to go to trial in a conspiracy that cost taxpayers $250 million. Eighteen others have pleaded guilty, and authorities said they recovered about $50 million in one of the  nation’s largest pandemic-related fraud cases . Prosecutors say just a fraction of the money went to feed low-income kids, while the rest was spent on luxury cars, jewelry, travel and property.

During the trial that began in April, defense attorneys questioned the quality of the FBI’s investigation and suggested that this might be more of a case of record-keeping problems than fraud as these defendants sought to keep up with rapidly changing rules for the food aid program.

These seven initial defendants were affiliated with a restaurant that participated in the food aid program. Those still awaiting trial include Feeding our Future’s founder Aimee Bock, who has pleaded not guilty and denied any wrongdoing.

The 23-year-old juror said she immediately turned over the bag of cash to police. She said a woman left it with her father-in-law Sunday with the message that she’d get another bag of cash if she voted to acquit, according to  a report in the Minneapolis Star Tribune .

Defense attorney Andrew Birrell told the judge that the bag of cash is “a troubling and upsetting accusation.”

Before allowing the trial to continue with more closing arguments on Monday, U.S. District Judge Nancy Brasel questioned the remaining 17 jurors and alternates, and none reported any unauthorized contact. Brasel decided to sequester the jury for the rest of the proceeding as a precaution.

“I don’t do it lightly,” Brasel said. “But I want to ensure a fair trial.”

She didn’t decide immediately whether to detain the defendants, but she did order an FBI agent to confiscate the defendants’ phones.

The aid money came from  the U.S. Department of Agriculture  and was administered by the state Department of Education. Nonprofits and other partners under the program were supposed to serve meals to kids.

Two of the groups involved, Feeding Our Future and Partners in Nutrition, were small nonprofits before the pandemic, but in 2021 they disbursed around $200 million each. Prosecutors allege they produced invoices for meals that were never served, ran shell companies, laundered money, indulged in  passport fraud  and accepted kickbacks.