essay on relationship building and share learning

Relationship-building and share learning Chevening is looking for individuals with strong professional relationship-building skills, who will engage with the Chevening community and influence and lead others in their chosen profession. Please explain how you build and maintain relationships in a professional capacity, using clear examples of how you currently do this, and outline how you hope to use these skills in the future.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

• Restatement of thesis
• Prediction or recommendation

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

• In conclusion
• To conclude
• To summarize
• In a nutshell

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Money is important in most people's lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. how can governments make urban life better for everyone, some people think that teachers should be able to ask disruptive children to leave the class for the overall benefit of the classroom. do you think it is the best way to deal with a disruptive child in the classroom what other solutions are there, some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. why are these laws introduced do you think this is a positive or negative development, some people say that all popular tv entertainment programmes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

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Simple Relationship-Building Strategies

Embedding dual-purpose tasks in coursework can help teachers overcome the obstacles to forging strong relationships with students.

Educators all acknowledge that building strong relationships is a vital part of the educational process. In fact, it may be the first and most important step in getting students to learn. Strong relationships increase student motivation and reduce behavioral issues , and they improve student achievement and classroom climate.

Most teachers would love to spend more time building relationships with their students, but obstacles like time, the curriculum, and planning all get in the way. But there are ways for teachers to overcome these obstacles and see strong relationship growth with their students.

Time is a precious commodity in education, and the scant class time teachers have is often lost to outside factors like assemblies, standardized testing, meetings, and other expected and unexpected circumstances.

So it’s important to purposefully schedule class time to get to know students. While students are in groups, sitting with them and sharing in the learning process is a great way to learn more about them and tell them more about you as a person. You may ask relevant questions in the moment, or just listen for things to explore later.

One-on-one conferences are also great opportunities to get to know students. I’ve found that students of all grade levels are more open to sharing individually and also better able to discover things about me. I schedule two 5-minute conferences per week, so it takes weeks to meet with every student. I learn details related to their academic and personal lives, and I share some of those details with the class when appropriate, so the students also come to know each other better.

Lastly, before and after class a short walk with a student doesn’t eat precious class time but can go a long way in the relationship-building process. Try asking one kid per day one question about a non-school-related topic. The time spent uncovering and discovering student interests is time well spent.

Teachers can get overwhelmed teaching the long list of skills that accompany any curriculum and making sure students learn what they need for their class or grade level.

One way I’ve found to both teach the skills necessary to master the curriculum and build strong relationships is to have two purposes for the content and skills. As a high school English teacher, I’m able to form strong connections with my students by getting to know them through their writing.

While English is certainly a content that lends itself to discussions, the content doesn’t matter as much as the venue and the purpose. Choosing content-related activities that involve small-group or individual responses can go a long way. Often, I’ll use a website like Poll Everywhere to gather individual responses from students all at once, so no student is left out. In this way I learn about them collectively. Poll Everywhere is anonymous, but students will often reveal things that they wouldn’t otherwise and then break the anonymity by talking about their responses.

All content areas leave room for the teacher to share relevant personal anecdotes that help students see their teachers as human, opening doors for future interpersonal interactions. In history, ask students how they got their names. In science, ask about a genetic trait they think they inherited from their parents. In math, ask them why they think math is important.

The point is to make the content and curriculum personal and relevant, and to learn about the students while they learn the content. It’s a win-win.

When planning, teachers make sure they’ll be teaching, assessing, and reassessing to measure learning and to form further instruction. They have the opportunity to also carefully plan assignments that bring their students’ interests to light. These interests may also be the catalyst for a strong connection between the teacher and the students.

To start the school year, I have my students do an All About Me presentation in which they share 10 facts about themselves and include pictures or video. I do the same presentation first, to model what I’m looking for—the added benefit is that students get to know me on a more personal level. An exercise like this can be modified for any age, and it can be done in any subject—teachers can modify it by asking a personal question about their discipline like, “How do you think physics plays a role in your everyday life?” or “Why do you think we need to learn geometry?”

I also create opportunities for my students to learn more about me and for me to learn more about them at the beginning of each unit throughout the year. I might share a personal story that revolves around a lesson activator, or we might discuss a big-picture question that lays the foundation for the unit. Because I make it a point to plan these opportunities, I can ensure that I don’t let all the other tasks get in the way.

Relationships are the foundation for everything else involved in teaching and learning. I want my students to know that I care about them, and I want them to care about me. Teaching them Shakespeare doesn’t always show them that, so I try to think creatively about how I can make sure I get to know every student in my room as well as I can, as quickly as I can, and as thoroughly as I can to make them as successful as I can.

Relationships and Learning

• Posted May 29, 2008

Learning outside the home begins early in life. More than one-third of all U.S. children under the age of five are cared for outside of their homes by individuals not related to them. 1 Research on early childhood education shows that high-quality child care experiences support the development of social and academic skills that facilitate children's later success in school. There is also mounting evidence that close relationships between teachers and children are an important part of creating high-quality care environments and positive child outcomes.

As most parents and teachers know, children gain increasing control over their emotions, attention, and behavior across the early years. These growing abilities allow them to face and overcome new developmental challenges, from getting along with others to learning novel academic skills. 2 Despite their growing abilities, preschoolers sometimes find it difficult to regulate their thoughts and emotions in ways that allow them to succeed at new tasks. At these times, close relationships with meaningful adults, including teachers, can help children learn to regulate their own behavior.

The sense of safety and security afforded by close relationships with teachers provides children with a steady footing to support them through developmental challenges. This support may help the child work through a new academic challenge, such as learning to write a new letter of the alphabet; or the close relationship may help the child maintain a previously learned skill when confronted with a challenging new context. For instance, a child who is quite socially adept during circle time (a prior skill) might have more difficulty navigating these social interactions when he or she is over-tired from a missed nap (a challenging context).

In either case, when children "internalize" their teachers as reliable sources of support, they are more successful at overcoming challenges. In fact, having emotionally close relationships with child-care providers as a toddler has been linked with more positive social behavior and more complex play later as a preschooler. 3 Kindergartners with close teacher relationships have been shown to be more engaged in classroom activities, have better attitudes about school, and demonstrate better academic performance. 4  Thus, teacher-child relationships appear to be an important part of children's social and academic success in school.

Harvard Graduate School of Education Lecturer  Jacqueline Zeller 's applied work in the Boston Public Schools and her research have been informed by this literature on teacher-student relationships. In the following interview, Zeller discusses the importance of teacher-student relationships for building students' sense of security and facilitating their readiness to learn at school.

What led you to study and consult regarding building positive teacher-student relationships?

Before beginning graduate school in psychology, my experiences teaching in elementary schools led me to believe that the relationships between children and teachers are powerful mechanisms for change. When students felt that I believed in them and supported their growth, they felt more confident both academically and socially at school. This belief was further strengthened in my graduate studies, as I began to apply attachment theories to teacher-child relationships. I decided to study how teachers' characteristics and children's characteristics work together to predict relationship quality, incorporating an attachment perspective. At that same time, I was working in schools, which was a natural venue for me to apply attachment theories to my consultation work, as I tried to help teachers in their efforts to join effectively with their students.

Why do you think socio-emotional development is important to discuss with regard to schools?

Often, we discuss social and emotional development very distinctly from academic growth. However, these ideas are very much intertwined. When children feel more secure at school, they are more prepared to learn. Children who feel this level of security are also generally more open to share how their lives outside of school are connected with ideas introduced in their classrooms. Educators have noted that these personal anecdotes help children build the foundations for literacy.

What do you think is important to think about when reflecting on teacher-student relationships?

Earlier research examining teacher-student relationships has tended to focus on how student's individual characteristics affect their relationships with teachers. While the individual characteristics that students bring to their relationships are very important, we know that as adults, we also bring experiences, beliefs, and characteristics that affect quality of relationships. It is important to consider what each individual brings to the relationship and how the relationship is affected by the contexts in which it is embedded. Most people relate easier with some children over others, but as adults in relationships with youth it is important that we reflect on what we bring to the table and seek support when we need it to most effectively help children and adolescents.

How do you feel that these principles match with your training of students in HGSE's Risk and Prevention and School Counseling program?

A primary goal of the Risk and Prevention and School Counseling Program at HGSE is to train future practitioners who practice prevention and intervention in school settings. We know that children and adolescents do not exist in a vacuum, but rather are bound by their contexts, including their home, schools, and neighborhoods. Students in our program are encouraged to understand how children's experiences are a function of these contexts. A major part of children's school contexts is their classroom environments and relationships with their teachers.

Currently, in addition to teaching at Harvard, I work as a clinician at an elementary school. I try to bring perspectives from my practice work to my courses at HGSE to provide some examples of how these theories are applied in real-world settings. Similarly, at their practicum sites, our students are encouraged to partner with children's teachers to foster safe and supportive relationships between teachers and children.

What are your hopes for where research and practice is heading in this field?

My hope is that researchers continue to examine these relationships contextually and reciprocally, acknowledging the complexity of these relationships. Reflective practice is important to understand how we as adults can help shape children and adolescents' contexts to facilitate their healthy development. Schools have increasing demands placed upon them with each passing year, so providing time for teachers and school staff to discuss and reflect on their relationships can be very difficult. However, I hope that as we continue to understand the powerful implications of these relationships for children, schools will protect time for teachers to discuss these relationships with colleagues, school psychologists, mentors, and consultants.

1 Johnson, J.0 (2005). Current population report: Who's minding the kids? Child care arrangements: Winter 2002. Washington, DC: U.S. Census Bureau. Available online at http://www.census.gov/prod/2005pubs/p70-101.pdf .

2 Blair, C. (2002). School readiness: Integrating cognition and emotion in a neurobiological conceptualization of children's functioning at school entry. American Psychologist , 57, 111–127.

3 Howes, C., Matheson, C.C., & Hamilton, C.E. (1994). Maternal, teacher, and child care history correlates of children's relationships with peers. Child Development, 65, 264-273.

4 Birch, S. H., & Ladd, G. W. (1997). The teacher-child relationship and children's early school adjustment . Journal of School Psychology, 35, 61-79 .

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The Science of Relationships

Science: How Relationships Drive Learning

Our work at FuelEd is based on the principle that relationships drive learning. This first in a series of foundational articles outlining the scientific basis for FuelEd's program, how relationships drives learning, and why this knowledge matters to educators.

We talk about the importance of relationships in education a lot —but what does this even mean? What does it look like to build relationships in schools? Why does it even matter? We wrote this blog to help every person working in schools understands that relationships are not just “warm and fuzzy stuff” — they literally change the brain. And, that a focus on strong relationships isn’t another thing to add to an educator’s plate...it is the plate.

Humans are social creatures

For most of human history, humans have lived and learned in small communities, where relationships were our "natural habitat." Strong relationships offered the group: better protection, access to resources like food and water, and better opportunities for mating and caretaking. Strong relationships offered the individual: security, support, and belonging, all critical for survival.

Strong relationships are especially critical for the survival and development of children and youth. Unlike other mammals, many of which are born ready to fend for themselves and survive without support, humans begin life with an intense dependency on adults to meet their every need. We humans are born significantly "underdeveloped" compared to most other mammals, with 70% of our brain development taking place after birth .

We learn through relationships

This matrix of bonding, attachment, and interdependency became the ecological niche that shaped the human brain into a social organ with uniquely social instincts, such as the ability to...

• Anticipate someone’s thoughts based on what you know about them
• Predict someone's actions based on minute emotional expressions
• Convey complex information to diverse groups of people
• Pick up on threat by someone's body language

Over time, the skills that helped us do well in relationship became interwoven with the neuroanatomy and biochemistry of learning. Relationships helped us survive, and so we became wired to connect.

Our first learning happens through our first relationships

Because so much of our brain is unformed at birth, not only do we depend on our caregivers to tend to our every need, but the quality of their care will shape the formation of our brains and the people we become.

One prime example of this is the way our earliest relationships build the brain’s ability to self-regulate . Born without this capacity, humans utilize caregivers as an “external brain” while our own brains are “under construction.” The neural networks of a child’s brain are built through thousands upon thousands of interactions where an infant or child gets upset, a caregiver steps in to help them regulate and the child returns to a baseline of calm.

Each time our caregivers walk alongside us as we move from dysregulation to regulation, they help us form what will eventually become a well-worn path that we can tread — independent of their guidance or support. If our parents are able to help us effectively regulate our emotions, we develop our own abilities to do it ourselves later in life. Not only do our earliest relationships form a template for our brain, they also teach us what to expect from the world and other subsequent relationships:

• When children experience their caregivers as a secure base from which to explore and return to whenever they feel afraid, they come to believe the world is safe.
• When children experience repeated interactions where adults understand and tend to their needs and feelings, they learn that relationships are dependable and trustworthy.
• When children are treated consistently with sensitivity, love, and care, they learn, "I am valuable and worthy." As our very first relationship, the caregiver relationship forms the foundation of our relationship with ourselves.

Conversely, when a child doesn’t have a secure relationship early in life, a very different picture emerges:

• A child that never experiences someone attuning to and soothing their emotions, will struggle to self-regulate.
• Instead of an expectation of safety, the child receives the message that the world is unpredictable and dangerous .
• The child may learn that relationships are negative, unsafe, and untrustworthy and naturally come to expect this from all future relationships.
• Lastly, without a secure early relationship (also known as a "secure attachment"), the child may learn to believe, "I am inherently defective, unworthy of love and belonging."

An insecure relationship with an early caregiver can create an environment where the very relationship meant to serve as a buffer to stress and threat — becomes the source of stress and threat. This insecure relationship may then trigger an excessive and persistent bodily stress response. Like revving a car engine for days or weeks at a time, persistent stress has a wear-and-tear effect that not only impacts brain development and learning but can have long-term mental and physical repercussions.

It also shapes day-to-day behavior. Children who have experienced trauma are known to be more reactive—they feel terror when faced with normal stressors. Fear and self-protection become an automated and habitual way of responding to the world.

Why does this matter to educators?

Not only does our first learning happen through our first relationships, our first relationships sets up our ability to learn.

While a student with a secure attachment history will come to class ready to learn, explore, connect with peers, seek contact with the teacher when in need, and persevere through difficult tasks, a student with an insecure attachment history will enter class with a shorter attention span, greater anxiety and aggression, poorer performance on cognitive tasks, and an unwillingness to explore the environment or seek out the teacher or peers for help.

It’s obvious that these two students are inequitably equipped to thrive in the classroom environment.

Our hope is that by sharing the science of relationships with educators we can help them to avoid the trap of either personalizing a student’s behavior — "what's wrong with me?" — or blaming a student — "whats wrong with you!?" Instead, hey will be able to see the challenging behavior of students, or colleagues, as a clue to that person’s relationship history and more likely to consider with compassionate curiosity, “what happened to you?”

When educators are able to see through this new lens, they will begin to perceive their own roles differently. One way or another, because learning happens through relationships, teachers are attachment figures. Our work at FuelEd is to ensure that as many teachers as possible become secure attachment figures.

To learn more about how to become a secure attachment figure check out Part Two in our Foundational Blog Series.

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Megan marcus, partner & founder - san diego ca.

Megan holds a B.A. in Psychology from the University of California at Berkeley and Master’s degrees in Psychology from Pepperdine University. While at Pepperdine, Megan studied under Dr. Louis Cozolino and served as the lead researcher for his book, The Social Neuroscience of Education . Megan then completed a Master’s degree in Education, Policy, and Management from Harvard University, where she explored how to translate the elements of a therapists’ professional training to an educational setting. Her research with Dr. Cozolino and studies at Harvard combined to form the core beliefs that became the bedrock of FuelEd. Since 2012, Megan has passionately served the educational community as FuelEd’s Founder.

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Join Megan Marcus and Kelley Munger as guests on the Getting Smart Podcast with Rebecca Midles to discuss SEL for Teachers and Relationship Building in classrooms, schools, and districts.

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FuelEd is thrilled to announce that we have received a $1 million grant from the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative (CZI) in order to promote supportive teacher communities and boost teacher well-being, and to promote Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging for educators of color.

Understanding Anxious Attachment Styles

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Why leadership is about building relationships

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Developing networks and relationships with peers has always been an important part of successful leadership. Vice-Principal, External Relations at the University of Glasgow, explains why.

Rachel Sandison , Vice-Principal, External Relations at the University of Glasgow, shares why nurturing relationships and expanding networks is crucial for opening doors to new opportunities and becoming an inspiring and successful leader.

Last year, perhaps more so than any other, we witnessed the positive impact of collaboration and partnership.

The pandemic has reinforced the importance of connection and brought into sharp focus the benefits of individual and institutional alliances. But developing networks and relationships with peers has always been an important part of successful leadership, and I am privileged to have the opportunity to engage with colleagues from across the globe who continually help to inform my thinking, share best practice and open the doors to new opportunities.

At an early stage in my career, I took advantage of mentoring opportunities within my organisation, and through this was introduced to volunteering for the Council for Advancement and Support of Education (CASE) where I began to make contacts in universities across the sector through conference attendance and informal networking.

As a CASE Global Trustee today, I continue to benefit from these relationships with colleagues that are based on mutual respect and reciprocity. These colleagues, and now friends, I entrust with both my successes and my failures.

In no small part, I am a Vice-Principal now because of the guidance and support I have gained through my many networks, and because these relationships gave me the chance to chart career paths of peers that had either been unknown to me, or discounted as impossibilities.

The adage is that ‘you can’t be what you can’t see’, and being able to see and celebrate the successes of role models within the sector gave me both an indication of what was possible, and the desire to achieve it.

I now have the pleasure of acting as a mentor to others, and always look to encourage the potential of talent both within and outside of my organisation.

My advice to Chevening Scholars, and to anyone who wants to become a successful leader, is to say ‘yes’ wherever possible!

Be open to trying new things, to volunteering your time and expertise, and to fostering relationships with peers that will provide a platform for mutually beneficial exchange and support; and do so always being your authentic self. And, most importantly, enjoy these opportunities and the journey they will take you on.

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A Reflective Essay on Creating a Community-of-Learning in a Large Lecture-Theatre Based University Course

• Published: 23 June 2020
• Volume 55 , pages 363–377, ( 2020 )

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• Sanna Malinen 1  

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“Community” It’s everywhere! In thousands of geographical locations throughout the land people gather in small, medium, and large groups (or dispersed associations) for some common purpose. (Lenning and Ebbers 1999 , p. 17)

The benefits of creating learning communities have been clearly established in educational literature. However, the research on ‘community-of-learning’ has largely focused on intermediate and high-school contexts and on the benefits of co-facilitation in the classroom. In this paper, we contribute to educational research by describing an approach for a large (1000 + students/year), lecture-theatre based, university management course. This approach largely excludes co-facilitation, but offers a unified and integrated approach by staff to all other aspects of running the course. By applying an ethnographic methodology, our contribution to the ‘community-of-learning’ literature is a set of strategies that enable a sense of belonging and collective ownership amongst all participants in the course. We describe the experienced benefits, as well as challenges, of such teaching, as we outline the methods we use to enhance students’ perception of belonging to a community-of-learning. We conclude by making recommendations as to the requirements of adopting a community-of-learning teaching approach to tertiary education.

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de Vries, H.P., Malinen, S. A Reflective Essay on Creating a Community-of-Learning in a Large Lecture-Theatre Based University Course. NZ J Educ Stud 55 , 363–377 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40841-020-00165-1

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Received : 24 September 2019

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DOI : https://doi.org/10.1007/s40841-020-00165-1

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By: Devin Vodicka, Sabba Quidwai and Kristin Gagnier

As we enter the one-year mark of the COVID-19 global pandemic, the magnitude of the challenges in education has disrupted the status quo and has compelled a general reconsideration of where we should focus our collective efforts for the optimal benefit of our students.  While terms such as “learning loss” are garnering significant attention, this is also a time when it may be helpful to step back and ask some foundational questions such as this: What is most important to our students?

Students want to be valued and to feel connected to their learning environment. For example, the Vista Unified School District (San Diego County, CA) conducted over sixty forums with students in 2013.  Students clearly articulated a desire to be recognized for their strengths, have more choices, extend their learning beyond the classroom, and progress at their own rates.  Students often expressed frustration about how much of their school experience is focused on individual achievement and that they craved social connectedness and peer interactions. Six years later, the same themes emerged; in a series of forums in 2019 , the XQ Institute asked high school students what they wanted from school. Students want teachers who care about them as individuals.

When we listen to our students they tell us that they want to be engaged in learning, connected to school, motivated to learn, and persist amidst challenges. They want to feel connected to their teachers, peers, and to their learning environment. Unfortunately, our students have also been telling us that their experience does not match their aspirations.   Gallup has published data from a massive set of student surveys demonstrating that students tend to be less engaged in their learning as they matriculate from elementary to middle to high school.  In the highly-populated state of California, the 2019 California Healthy Kids Survey  reported that only 53% of 11th grade students reported feeling connected to their school, a decline from just 62% in 7th grade.

All of this data was collected before the COVID-19 pandemic disrupted schooling, compelled social distancing, and has led to a significant level of stress and trauma among our students and throughout society.  While data is still being collected, it is almost certain that COVID has exacerbated challenges of engagement, belonging, and motivation with students and teachers feeling disconnected from peers, colleagues, and teachers amidst virtual learning. Many perceive a teacher’s role, and the role of school in general, is to ensure students master academic content and skills. Yet, teaching and learning is, at its core, a relational endeavor. Humans are social beings who learn from and thrive through connections with others. Thus, prioritizing relationship building — between teachers and students, students and peers, and teachers and colleagues – will support a positive learning environment that benefits students, teachers, and the broader community.  As a recent report by the National Academies of Sciences on teaching during a crisis notes, “The first priorities need to be equity and the health, well-being, and connections among students, families, and teachers.” This article focuses on the benefits of relationships for students.

How Relationships Benefit Students

High-quality relationships between students and teachers, and students and their peers, have academic and social benefits. Positive emotional states that spark interest, engagement, excitement, and positive emotional relationships, that involve trust, value, and empathy, allow for learning. Students of all ages flourish when their teachers are responsive to their needs, emotionally supportive, and set high expectations for all students. Students learn, perform best, and develop skills and confidence when their educational experiences provide high support to foster engagement, show them they belong and are valued, and are culturally sensitive to the students’ experiences and needs. Feeling connected, valued, and respected by peers is equally important for students’ sense of belonging and engagement in school. Being supported and valued engenders feelings of physical and emotional security, which benefits learning. Emotionally supportive and trustworthy relationships can buffer against the impacts of adversity and trauma (such as violence, crime, abuse, psychological trauma, homelessness, racism, food, and housing insecurity). Negative emotions, such as anxiety, lack of confidence, fear, and negative relationships, that involve coercion and punishment, reduce one’s capacity to learn .

All students will, at some point, feel stressed and experience moments of challenge (academic or social) and failure. To help students develop capacities to successfully manage stress and academic and social setbacks, educators can foster relationships and create emotionally and physically safe environments for students. These include interacting with each and every student, engaging in teaching practices that elevate student voice and creating a collaborative atmosphere between peers, teaching with a variety of diverse materials and strategies, and setting high expectations for all students.  Teachers can teach social skills and coping strategies. These include modeling empathy, respect, and compassion, teaching students calming strategies and how to effectively manage emotions, resolve conflicts, and create effective routines. These strategies, combined with supportive relationships with peers and teachers, empower students to believe they can succeed, even in difficult situations.

Taking Action

All educators have an opportunity to reframe our responsibilities and promote positive peer relationships. There are several research-backed strategies that we recommend to develop social and emotional learning capacities to support skills, mindsets, and practices that support learning

• Prioritize building a positive classroom environment in which students and teachers form positive, trusting relationships. Elevate student voice and promote their sense of belonging in the classroom community.
• Foster positive student behaviors by teaching social and emotional skills, intrapersonal awareness, and conflict resolution.  Model empathy and engage in instructional strategies that encourage self-directed learning and motivation.
• Provide opportunities to practice social-emotional skills and mindsets inside and outside of the classroom. These skills include self-awareness of one’s emotions and perceptions, self-management of stress and emotions, and social awareness such as empathy, cooperation, communication, and responsibility.
• View disciplinary problems as an indicator of a developmental need or skillset that needs to be taught. Such educative and restorative approaches to classroom management and discipline help teach students how to manage conflicts and self-regulate.

Illustrative Examples:  How to Focus on Relationships

Below we provide several illustrative examples to showcase how individual teachers, instructional specialists, principals, and schools have focused on building relationships.  

How One Teacher Sets Aside Time to Build Relationships with Students

In a 2018 Edutopia article entitled   Simple Relationship-Building Strategies , Sean Cassel shared several strategies to overcome barriers to building relationships with students. For example, Sean noted that teachers’ time often is usurped by other professional duties which make it challenging to devote time to getting to know individual students. To overcome this, Sean sets aside time for one-on-one, get to know you, conferences. Sean notes that “students of all grade levels are more open to sharing individually and also better able to discover things about me.” To make meeting each student feasible, Sean schedules two, 5-minute conferences per week, which means it can take weeks to meet with each student. During these meetings Sean learns details about their academic and personal experiences.  When appropriate, Sean shares details of their lives with the larger class, so that students can also get to know each other better.

Sean begins each school year with an “All About Me” presentation in which students share 10 facts about themselves and include pictures or video. Sean does the same presentation first, to model what he is looking for and to allow students to better get to know him.  Sean notes that this activity can work with any age and subject and that teachers can modify it by asking a personal question about their discipline like, “How do you think physics plays a role in your everyday life?” or “Why do you think we need to learn geometry?” An added benefit – this activity can be done in-person or virtually.

How to Build Relationships Across the School (during a pandemic!)

In response to COVID-19 pandemic, the educational landscape changed dramatically. Schools shifted, almost overnight, to online instruction. As teachers, instructional specialists, principals, and schools rapidly prepared for academic instruction online, they were faced with an equally-daunting task; how to prioritize relationships during distance learning? As outlined in the National Academies of Sciences 2020 Publication entitled   Teaching K-12 Science and Engineering During a Crisis , many rose to the occasion using inventive approaches.

For example, a K-5 science specialist (working in an East Coast urban school that primarily serves students from low-income families) responded to COVID-19 by providing weekly informal engineering engagement opportunities for students. During these engagements, students tried to identify real-life problems and possible solutions to them.  Students’ goal was to build the solution at home. To make this possible for these families, the science specialist partnered with local stores (such as Walmart, Costco, and Home Depot) that donated the building supplies. As noted in the report, these engagement hours were scheduled from 6 – 7 pm on Friday evenings, but students often requested to stay online chatting and sharing ideas and plans engineering designs until 9 pm! Students were so energized and excited by these opportunities that about 90 percent of students who had originally expressed interest, returned weekly for these sessions.

The school’s principal was so impressed by this and immediately recognized the need for building relationships with students, that the principal hosted a schoolwide virtual hangout every Friday. During these hangouts teachers and students danced and played guessing games, and the winner each week received a gift card for at least $25.

How One School Changed Their Culture to Focus on Positive Peer Relationships

Design 39, a public, K-8 school in the Poway Unified School District (San Diego County), has made social-emotional learning, collaboration, and relationships a top priority . Collaborative group work is a cornerstone of instruction and helps students develop relationship skills  to establish and maintain supportive relationships and to effectively navigate diverse individuals and groups and social awareness skills  to understand the perspectives of and empathize with others.  Every day students are randomly assigned a “table group” where they work with different students and each are assigned different roles in the group. This helps students learn to work together, each having a unique role to play in the collaboration. The goal of this table group is to foster experiences that help learners develop strong relationships, collaboration skills, and gain a deeper degree of self-awareness (an understanding of one’s own emotions, thoughts, and values and how they influence behavior).

Relationships are at the heart of meaningful learning.  We can and must attend to the social dynamics of learning by providing opportunities for students to develop their emotional awareness and skills by providing a safe, secure environment that promotes interaction in pursuit of creative problem-solving and conflict resolution. By shifting to learner-centered experiences, including the examples shared in this article, we can empower all students to know themselves, see themselves as full of possibilities, and shine as changemakers.

Want to Know More?

We hope you are inspired to take action!  Here are some additional resources that might help.

• Strengthening Relationships with Students from Diverse Backgrounds  by the Regional Educational Laboratory Northwest
• Resources for Building Teacher-Student Relationships  by Education Northwest
• Why you should care about how people are feeling  by Katie Martin
• 10 strategies to get to know your students and create an inclusive learner-centered culture  by Katie Martin

We encourage you to stay connected with the Global Science of Learning Network and to share your ideas on social media by using #GSOLN

This post was originally published at tdlc.ucsd.edu

Special thanks to Katie Martin for her feedback and ideation for this article.

Kristin Gagnier is the Director of Dissemination, Education, and Translation at the Science of Learning Institute  at Johns Hopkins University.

Sabba Quidwai is an education researcher and host of the Sprint to Success with Design Thinking podcast.

Devin Vodicka

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Is this the right place for serious responses to this article? I'll post a few comments to see what happens...

"Students want to be valued and to feel connected to their learning environment. " Of course they do. We all want to feel valued and connected. If school is the second most prominent institution in a young person's life, after family, connection is going to be vitally important. We need enquire further by asking, "Should school be number two or would some other identity group be better to attach to?"

"Students clearly articulated a desire to be recognized for their strengths, have more choices, extend their learning beyond the classroom, and progress at their own rates." What would we think of any person who didn't aspire to these conditions? I'm astounded that it takes a "scientific study" to reveal these attitudes. Now that they have been remembered, the challenge is how to implement them. Personal attention and individualized instruction is more resource intensive and therefore more costly than the mass production model. How are we going to pay for them?

"strategies that we recommend to develop social and emotional learning capacities to support skills, mindsets, and practices that support learning" In addition to the strategies suggested in this article, perhaps we should consider easing those educators who still maintain a "spare the rod and spoil the child" attitude out of our school systems. We might want to address the inconsistent use of the concept of "learning" in the phrase above where "social and emotional learning" benefits from explanatory adjectives but "learning", unmodified, refers primarily to academic subjects for which we have standardized testing. Finally, I question whether schools should be saddled with responsibility for repairing the damage done by severely dysfunctional families and violent neighborhoods.

"Relationships are at the heart of meaningful learning." Yes! And relationships are also key to governing, law making and enforcement, family life, productive employment, and elder care. Bringing more effective ways of interpersonal relating into the hallways, classrooms, and administrative offices of schools will certainly be a boon to our larger society. Schools are a great place to start but we can't stop at the edge of the school campus.

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• Open access
• Published: 13 December 2022

Learning how relationships work: a thematic analysis of young people and relationship professionals’ perspectives on relationships and relationship education

• Simon Benham-Clarke   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0002-6053-9804 1 , 2 ,
• Jan Ewing   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0002-1420-1116 3 ,
• Anne Barlow   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0001-7628-4589 2 &
• Tamsin Newlove-Delgado   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0002-5192-3724 2  

BMC Public Health volume  22 , Article number:  2332 ( 2022 ) Cite this article

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Relationships in various forms are an important source of meaning in people’s lives that can benefit their health, wellbeing and happiness. Relationship distress is associated with public health problems such as alcohol misuse, obesity, poor mental health, and child poverty, whilst safe, stable, and nurturing relationships are potential protective factors. Despite increased emphasis on Relationship Education in schools, little is known about the views of relationship professionals on relationship education specifically, and how this contrasts with the views of young people (YP). This Wellcome Centre for the Cultures and Environments of Health funded Beacon project seeks to fill this gap by exploring their perspectives and inform the future development of relationship education.

We conducted focus groups with YP ( n  = 4) and interviews with relationship professionals ( n  = 10). The data was then thematically analysed.

Themes from YP focus groups included: ‘Good and bad relationships’; ‘Learning about relationships’; ‘the role of schools’ and ‘Beyond Relationship Education’. Themes from interviews with relationship professionals included: ‘essential qualities of healthy relationships’; ‘how YP learn to relate’ and ‘the role of Relationship Education in schools’.

Conclusions

YP and relationship professionals recognised the importance of building YP’s relational capability in schools with a healthy relationship with oneself at its foundation. Relationship professionals emphasised the need for a developmental approach, stressing the need for flexibility, adaptability, commitment and resilience to maintain relationships over the life course. YP often presented dichotomous views, such as relationships being either good or bad relationships, and perceived a link between relationships and mental health. Although not the focus of current curriculum guidance, managing relationship breakdowns and relationship transitions through the life course were viewed as important with an emphasis on building relational skills. This research suggests that schools need improved Relationship Education support, including specialist expertise and resources, and guidance on signposting YP to external sources of help. There is also potential for positive relationship behaviours being modelled and integrated throughout curriculums and reflected in a school’s ethos. Future research should explore co-development, evaluation and implementation of Relationship Education programmes with a range of stakeholders.

Peer Review reports

Relationships in various forms are an important source of meaning in people’s lives that can benefit their health, well-being and happiness [ 1 ]. ‘A ‘distressed’ relationship is one with a severe level of relationship problems, which has a clinically significant negative impact on their partner’s wellbeing. Those in ‘distressed’ relationships report regularly considering separation/divorce, quarrelling, regretting being in their relationship, being unhappy in their relationship, for example’ [ 2 ]. A growing evidence base shows that distress in relationships is associated with public health priorities such as alcohol misuse, obesity, mental health problems, and child poverty, whilst safe, stable, and nurturing relationships are potential protective factors [ 3 , 4 , 5 ]. For young people (YP), there is evidence of a significant link between well-being and romantic relationships, suggesting that these relationships (when healthy) can positively influence self-concept, social integration and social support [ 6 ]. However, research indicates that some early romantic relationships can act as stressors regardless of their nature, whilst YP are negotiating other developmental tasks. For example, Olson and Crosnow’s longitudinal analysis [ 7 ] suggested that adolescent romantic relationships are associated with increased depressive symptomatology, particularly for girls.

The term ‘relationship’ has been defined as an enduring association between two persons [ 8 ]. The terms ‘healthy’ or ‘quality’ relationships have been described, defined and measured in various ways. They are ‘complex and ambiguous constructs’ with factors varying for each type of relationship [ 9 ]. Attempts to reach a definition tend to focus on interaction and positive and negative relationship characteristics and behaviours such as the existence or absence of caregiving, respect, support, emotional regulation, and the ability to learn from experience [ 10 , 11 ]. It has been theorised that early intervention and the development of these relationship skills in YP may allow them to negotiate early romantic relationships better as well as improve the quality and/or health of adult relationships, normalise help-seeking behaviour and prevent or manage relationship breakdown [ 12 , 13 ]. In their 2014 Manifesto, the Relationships Alliance Footnote 1 called upon The Department for Education (DfE) “to develop standards for those delivering RSE (Relationship and Sex Education) and set an expectation that schools recognise that developing relational capability is an important function of education and a child’s future” [ 14 ]. Relational capability refers to the capacity to form and maintain safe, stable, and nurturing relationships [ 15 ].

In 2019, DfE published statutory guidance in England on Relationship and Sex Education (RSE) [ 16 ], following the passing of the Children and Social Work Act 2017 [ 17 ]. The new Act stipulates Footnote 2 that pupils should learn about safety in forming and maintaining relationships; the characteristics of ‘healthy’ relationships and how relationships may affect physical and mental health and well-being. However, schools have been largely left to work out how to deliver this sensitive area of education, with little practical content guidance to date [ 18 ]. Skills for ‘healthy’ romantic relationships have also been relatively neglected both in research and practice. There are several programmes developed for YP that teach about relationships, but those that currently exist are mainly from the US, and generally focussed on sexual health or relationship violence [ 19 , 20 ]. Similarly, research with YP on their perspectives of RSE mostly focus on their views on sex education [ 21 ]. Therefore, despite the increased emphasis on delivering RSE in schools, Footnote 3 little is known about how YP view this aspect of the curriculum, or what outcomes they feel it should deliver. This is an important gap to fill to engage YP with the curriculum, and to lay the groundwork for the design, adaptation and evaluation of healthy relationship programmes. Patient and Public Involvement (PPI) work conducted in a prior project [ 22 ] by some of the authors demonstrated a great appetite in YP to learn more about relationships.

Our Beacon project, funded by The Wellcome Centre for the Cultures and Environments of Health, is focussed on ‘Transforming relationships and relationship transitions with and for the next generation’ in two strands (Healthy Relationship Education (HeaRE) and Healthy Relationship Transitions (HeaRT)). As part of the project, we conducted qualitative interviews and focus groups with young people and relationship professionals, with the aims of exploring their perspectives on relationships and relationship education. This paper presents and integrates the findings of these studies, to inform the development of future Relationship Education.

Recruitment

YP were recruited from a convenience sample of community groups and schools in South-West England, across urban, suburban and rural settings. Young people were contacted through school and youth group leaders, who made the first approach to participants. YP consented for themselves if aged 16 and over; for under 16 s, both parent and young person consent was sought. The YP formed four focus groups with a total of 24 participants. The two focus groups conducted in schools were with Years 9 and 10 pupils (aged 14 to 16 years). Following PPI consultation, these were set up separately for boys and girls; one group with eight girls and one with seven boys. The community group focus groups included young people aged between 14 and 18 and had one group with four boys and one with two boys and three girls.

A purposive sampling strategy was used to recruit the relationship professionals, seeking out key people who are likely to provide rich sources of information or data [ 22 ]. Here, ten nationally based relationship professionals (three men and seven women) were purposively sampled for their recognised expertise in the field of romantic relationships either through their research interests or because they were psychotherapists or counsellors. All had a minimum of 15 years of experience in their chosen field, and most had many more. Consent in writing or by audio recording was obtained before the interview.

Focus groups with YP were used due to their suitability for exploring ideas within their social context [ 23 , 24 ]. The topic guides were developed and refined through accompanying consultations with YP in our Youth Panel PPI sessions. Content included questions and prompts around views on relationships, experiences of Relationship Education, and what YP wanted to get from participating in Relationship Education. The first two focus groups were conducted face-to-face in February 2020. Due to COVID-19, the procedure had to be adapted for the latter two, which were conducted on Microsoft Teams in the summer of 2020. The focus groups were audio-recorded and conducted by TND and SBC with each lasting approximately an hour.

Semi-structured telephone interviews were conducted with the relationship professionals by JE. An interview schedule for the relationship professionals was devised, piloted and refined in team discussions. The topics relevant to this paper were the views of the relationship professionals on what constituted an enduring, mutually satisfying intimate partner relationship, how older children can learn the skills needed to identify healthy and unhealthy relationships and the role, content and delivery of Relationship Education. The interviews were conducted by telephone since there are no significant differences between telephone and face-to-face interview data [ 25 ] and given COVID-19 restrictions at the time. The duration of each interview was 64 min on average.

The focus groups with YP and the interviews with professionals were analysed separately rather than in combination, as interview schedules and formats were different for both. Transcription was conducted by an approved University service. NVivo 12 was used to manage the data, analysed using the thematic approach described by Braun and Clark [ 26 ]. In both datasets, a second author coded the first transcripts. Variations between coders were discussed by the team. Themes were developed separately for the YP and the relationship professionals; in this paper we present and compare these themes, identifying difference and similarities in the Discussion section.

Ethical approval

Ethical approval was gained from the University of Exeter Medicine School (UEMS) Research Ethics Committee (reference: Jun20/D/229∆1) for the research with YP and the University of Exeter College of Social Sciences and International Studies Research Ethics Committee for research involving relationship professionals (reference: 201,920–017).

The ethical approach we took is based on the successful and tested approach used by the Shackleton Project (UEMS ethics number 201617–018). We developed a protocol, agreed with teachers and community group leaders, for actions to be taken should a participant appear distressed, wish to withdraw, or should concerns be raised. We were highly aware that this could be a sensitive area, and emphasised to participants that they could withdraw at any point, as well as ensuring that they were aware of sources of support, and of confidential ways to contact the researchers, teachers, or community group leaders (e.g. through private chat on Teams) if they needed to. Researchers were alert throughout the groups for verbal and non-verbal signs that YP might wish to leave or take a break from the discussions, and strategic pauses or break points were included to facilitate this. The researchers were both experienced and well placed to conduct the focus groups with YP. The topics discussed with YP were framed to young people as being around ‘healthy relationships’ and existing RSE guidance. Our approach throughout the research was to engage young people in helping us to understand how Relationship Education could be improved for all YP in general. We used and explained Chatham House Rules to participants but were aware that this is not sufficient as the only measure. Therefore, we used appropriate distancing techniques, discouraging and steering conversations away from personal disclosures as needed and framing questions accordingly, for example, ‘what should young people get out of Relationship Education? We developed a protocol, agreed with teachers and community group leaders, for actions to be taken should a participant appear distressed, wish to withdraw, or should concerns be raised.

All names referred to below are pseudonyms.

• Young people

‘Good’ and ‘bad’ relationships

When asking what was meant by relationships YP appeared to be most comfortable and forthcoming in discussing relationships using dichotomous terms. Typically, relationships were categorised as positive or negative, such as good, bad, right, wrong, comfortable, uncomfortable, successful, unsuccessful, healthy and unhealthy. There was also a frequently expressed concept of ‘normal’ versus ‘abnormal’ relationships, which linked to a desire to be taught how to have a ‘normal relationship’, although few participants challenged this.

’Like there are bad sides of a relationship, there’s the good side of the relationship’. (Male) ’I don’t think I was ever taught in school about what a normal relationship is or how a relationship works’. (Male) ‘… I don’t want to be too forceful in this cookie-cutter idea of what good and bad relationships are, ... people are free to do what they want’. (Female)

YP attempted to define the qualities involved in ‘healthy’ or ‘normal’ relationships differently. Trust, respect and having common ground were often mentioned. Communication was also seen as being crucial, which linked to handling conflict the ‘right’ way. They also recognised that these qualities were involved in the different stages of relationships.

‘Well, I think a lot about healthy relationships in general is to do with communication. And starting a relationship and establishing what you want from the relationship is very important, and the same with finishing a relationship and saying to someone “I’m not happy with this because of this, this and this … . So, I think all of those stages really are about communication’. (Female)

Some YP introduced different sources of influence on relationships. They attributed importance to the role of upbringing and parental models. Again, ‘normality’ in relationships was present as a concept.

‘I think our parents are our closest role models really’. (Male) ‘ if you’ve been brought up in a domestic violence place or household, you’re never going to know until you grow up “Oh, that’s not okay, that’s not a normal thing ’. (Male)

In response to a question about how Relationship Education might help young people in different stages of their lives others commented on the influence of fairy tales, and Disney in particular; this was linked most strongly to gender roles and expectations in relationships.

‘I think it actually does create this toxic image to some degree… it’s very much the female is feeble, and she must be saved by the male, and it kind of creates a toxic masculinity’. (Female) ’It’s embedded into our heads that it’s always Prince Charming and it’s always the prince and the princess … you don’t understand it until you actually get to it, and that’s when you realise that it’s not like Disney movies or anything ...’. (Female).

Participants recognised that these ‘bad’ relationships early in life could have long-lasting impacts, including on mental health. This extended to the relationships between parents and children.

‘I’ve got so many friends who have fallen down mental health spirals due to bad relationships’. (Female) “Some parents, because they had such a rough childhood, treat their children the same thinking that it is the right way’. (Female).

Learning about relationships

There was a general feeling from many participants that Relationship Education would have a range of benefits for YP, across different kinds of relationships. Communication and conflict were critical areas where participants felt that there were skills, or ways of coping or doing things that they could learn.

’how to communicate effectively with our peers and partners, family members’. (Female) ’ [I would like to learn] Probably how to defuse an argument, … instead of having to shout at each other and maybe possibly break stuff and maybe even harm each other, and you can talk about it responsibly’. (Male)

Some of the desired outcomes involved learning how to manage different stages in relationships; for example, how to sustain happy relationships, and how to end relationships that could not be sustained, and cope with the aftermath. There was also a sense that they were sometimes taught about ‘red flags’ (signs that relationships are unhealthy), but not how then to end the relationships.

’ the basic foundations of relationships, like how to keep it running, happy…’. (Male) ’if you’ve tried to maintain them but it… keeps happening, you just need to know how to end it nicely’. (Male) ’It is all well knowing the signs, but if you don’t know how to get out of an unhealthy relationship what is the point of knowing that it is unhealthy?’ (Female)

Some participants felt that focussing on relationships with themselves as a first step would have greater long-term benefits and could help YP avoid abusive relationships. One participant had their own experience of where they felt Relationship Education had an impact on their well-being but thought it would have been more beneficial if taught sooner.

’… that is a big thing for people our age more – accepting themselves rather than being in a relationship with other people. Their mental health more than other people’. (Female). ’ it has made me be more… conscious of my relationships and friendships, and I’m able to see which ones are bad and been able to cut off bad relationships…my mental health would be better now if that education had happened earlier’. (Female)

Some YP were thinking about how relationships might be challenged after leaving school or relocating, and how Relationship Education might prepare them for that, whilst others thought further ahead to when they might have families, and the potential impacts of Relationship Education in the longer term.

‘[after relationship education] If they were a parent, they would know how to treat their children and instead of the way their parents treated them, treat them a different way’. (Female)

The role of schools

YP saw schools as offering a neutral setting in which Relationship Education can be taught free from the potential influences and biases. This was thought to be critical, particularly for those who might have more challenging backgrounds, however a desire was expressed for a greater focus in schools on how relationships ‘work’ rather than on sex education.

‘people need to be taught about relationships in quite an unbiased environment, and school is the most likely place that’s going to happen’. (Female) ‘[Relationship lessons have] been very clinical. It’s not really teaching you anything to do with how the relationship works … For me, it’s just been the clinical side of sex, basically’. (Male)

In terms of how Relationship Education should be taught, YP emphasised the need to build on earlier learning and to revisit important content. Participants also felt that talking about family and peer relationships should come first, building up to later discussions about romantic relationships in later years at school, with some highlighting links between patterns of relationship behaviour.

’ I think they need to talk about our family relationships before they talk about future ones that we will have’. (Female) ’even in primary school, you have friendships and stuff. And if you’re getting bullied, you might not necessarily realise the way that they’re using you and being mean to you. And if you get used to that from a young age … it’s very hard to get out of that pattern of ending up with people who aren’t necessarily a good influence on you’. (Male)

Some YP were concerned about whether education about romantic relationships could put YP under pressure if it were too early, but others felt this could leave young people open to abuse.

‘… you can’t teach them too much at a young age, otherwise they’ll feel like there’s a lot of pressure on them when it comes to relationships’. (Male) ‘the younger ages are the most susceptible to abuse… because you don’t have the knowledge’. (Female) .

Beyond relationship education lessons

Discussions about teaching in school led to several YP voicing reservations about the limits of what Relationship Education could do, and acknowledgements of the complexity of whether relationships can be ‘taught’ at all.

‘I think first and foremost, it’s the role of the parents to teach about relationships. And I think all the school can really do is build on that’. (Male) ‘…to teach it, the first thing that you need to do as a teacher would be acknowledge that it isn’t necessarily something that can just be taught, and it’s more complicated than that ’. (Female)

There was a feeling amongst participants that schools could improve relationship outcomes for YP in other ways beyond the Relationship Education lesson, such as having someone to talk to, in person and in private. Others wanted signposting and information about sources of help outside the school setting.

‘I think it’s important, especially with young people, to have someone to speak to…Maybe a counsellor or something’. (Female) ‘it needs to offer information of places where people who might be in unhealthy relationships can go’. (Female)

YP felt help was needed beyond RSE especially when a relationship was ending, in terms of specialist and peer support, and some even made the case for access to ‘experts’ for relationship breakdown related problems.

‘it’s hard to teach people about how to deal with a break-up…But that’s why I think people who are experts on relationships should probably be better at it’. (Male)

Results- relationship professionals

Theme 1 – qualities of healthy relationships.

The quality of a healthy relationship most frequently cited by the relationship professionals was communicating well. As Rosemary Allen put it.

’the ability to be able to express what you think, what you need and to be able to hear the other person… being able to… adapt language so that you are using the tone and the quality and the vocabulary that gets across what you need to say and being sure that it is understood’.

Secondly, an ability to adapt was thought to be critical, and this required the couple to be flexible – sufficiently flexible to learn from one another but also to adapt to life’s transitions such as having a baby or children leaving home, which Alexander Ingles said depended on a.

‘ flexibility of internal world. It's about whether one is potentially available for development throughout life’.

The skills needed to adapt can be learned, and some potentially ‘unpromising’ relationships can flourish provided one person in the couple is sufficiently skilled and flexible at the outset. The relationship professionals agreed that couples who have the degree of flexibility required, such that their relationships thrive over time, tend to be ‘developmental’ in outlook that is, they expect to have to work at their relationship. As Kay Eagles explained.

‘… not giving up… you have to work at relationships, they don't just happen… people change as they get older and relationships change, and the nature of relationships change all the time… the… falling in love bit is very much just… the glossy part at the beginning but doesn't necessarily give you the skills for a long, healthy relationship’.

Fun and friendship were viewed as a necessity by many relationship professionals, not least because this gave a bedrock to come back to if couples begin to drift apart. Alongside this need to prioritise the relationship was a recognition of the need to maintain a sense of self. One of the relationship professionals described this concern for the self and the other as ‘ like a dance’ . As Jacob Beardsley put it, what is critical is.

’the importance of looking after yourself in a relationship, thinking about yourself as a separate person as well as nourishing and caring for the relationship’.

The relationship professionals distinguished the skills needed to initiate a healthy relationship and those needed to sustain it. The former included having: realistic expectations, a sense of self-worth, sufficient self-awareness to judge compatibility, well-developed communication skills and an ability to give and receive support within the relationship. The latter also included good communication skills as well as empathy, flexibility, likeability, commitment, respect, altruism, reciprocity and, in particular, resilience.

Theme 2—learning to relate

As might be expected, the relationship professionals spoke at length about the importance of good early caregiving in building the capacities of YP to form and maintain healthy relationships of their own. Positive early care, usually from parents, and the witnessing of a healthy, well-functioning relationship between parents was described variously as ‘ the building blocks’ (Margot Hendon),’ the architecture’ (Clara Farley) or’ the template’ (Fran Clarkson) for YP to learn relationship skills. The relationship professionals emphasised that a poor beginning did not mean that YP were doomed to make poor relationship choices or find maintaining relationships impossible. For some, positive other role models, grandparents or a teacher, might.

‘mediate some of those original depravations’. (Alexander Ingle).

For others, counselling (preferably at a young age) was said to help YP gain skills that are not being modelled in the home or help YP understand that their parents’ behaviour is unhealthy.

Whilst a minority thought there was a place for peer mentoring and learning from one's peers more generally, several relationship professionals expressed concerns at the calibre of the training given to peer mentoring, the misinformation that peers can impart and the potential lack of objectivity of one’s peers.

Several relationship professionals spoke of the changes that would be needed at a macro level to cultivate an environment that.

‘enables, or even supports individuals to establish and nurture relationships’. (Margot Hendon).

Theme 3 – teaching about relationships in schools

While young people’s families were seen as the primary source of learning about healthy relationships, there was clear support for schools’ role to augment this. Relationship professionals thought that there were key transition moments in life, getting married or having a baby, where people are receptive to learning relationship skills, but that schools had a critical role in teaching and embedding critical skills around initiating and maintaining a healthy relationship.

There was strong support for Relationship Education to start early, preferably in primary schools, exploring what a healthy friendship and relating well to others looks like before moving onto romantic relationships, which would give YP vital life skills. Starting early, in primary schools and with counselling support where needed, was thought to be particularly important for YP whose parents were locked in conflict.

’ Modules that stress good relating from the very beginning … Once you get [skills to relate well to others] in your fold, and once you have got your template for good relating, it doesn't matter whether it's love relationships or with your teacher or with your friends or with anyone ’. (Rosemary Allen) ’ it is harder to unpick some of those really entrenched beliefs around relationships and things the longer it goes on ’ (Shelley Jackson)

Regarding content for a Relationship Education curriculum, teaching skills such as relating, communication, empathy, respect, conflict resolution and repair and ending relationships kindly and safely were highlighted. There was general agreement that these skills were teachable and that YP needed opportunities to rehearse using these skills to help them to recognise, for example, key turning points in interactions which leads some to end positively and others not. Therefore, there was strong support from the relationship professionals for RSE to be interactive and participatory, giving YP the opportunity to learn and try out vital communication skills in RSE by practising listening and mirroring what is heard in a non-conflict discussion.

’ [engaging] with an interaction that they can see somebody else having and they can then have input into trying to understand why the interaction went in the direction it went and how it might have gone differently and had different endings is… powerful’ . (Margot Hendon)

Regarding delivery of the teaching, Clara Farley felt that if Relationship Education lessons were to take place within schools, they needed to be ’ brilliantly led’ with ’ vivid and interesting materials’ , but she felt that schools did not have such material available to them. Others expressed reservations at asking teachers who may be experiencing difficulties in their own relationship to be responsible for Relationship Education in school. Another favoured external specialists to deliver Relationship Education, which was suggested as having added benefits.

’young people are more likely to explore things, open up and be honest with someone that they perhaps haven't seen before, might not see again or see now and again around school. They will be more likely to share and explore their own thoughts than if they were with their own form teacher doing those things’. (Shelly Jackson)

The relationship professionals were also in agreement that the emphasis of Relationship Education should be on teaching about healthy relationships in an inclusive way, which assists those in relationships that may be unhealthy because it allows them to reflect on differences.

’ [Relationships] come in all different shapes and sizes and sexual orientation and everything else, but nevertheless I think that it is possible to talk about at least, explore what a healthy relationship looks like in its many different forms ’. (Jacob Beardsley)

Several relationship professionals spoke of the need for excellent pastoral care and counselling within schools for YP with particular issues around relationships. Kay Eagles felt that Relationship Education should not just be limited to intimate relationships but relationships more widely to include components of respect, valuing and caring for others. Echoing the views of others, Alexander Ingles stressed the need for the ethos of the school to complement the messages within Relationship Education which should encourage YP to ask questions, with support readily available within schools.

‘[Relationship Education] can only work if it's in the context of a good school in a broad sense’. (Alexander Ingles)

Four main themes were presented from our focus groups with YP. The first, ‘Good and bad relationships’, presents YP’s views on romantic relationships, and the influences they recognised from parents and culture. The second, ‘Learning about relationships’, explores participant’s views of the benefits of Relationship Education and the skills they want to develop.

The third theme, ‘the role of schools’, is about experiences of Relationship Education teaching in the school setting and how and when this should be taught. The final theme of ‘Beyond Relationship Education’ focuses on some of the limitations of teaching relationships, and YP’s needs for support beyond the classroom. From the interviews with relationship professionals, we identified three relevant themes: what they viewed as the essential qualities of healthy relationships; how YP learn to relate (primarily through observing the parental role model) and the role that Relationship Education in schools might have in teaching YP how to instigate and maintain a healthy relationship. Many of the views of YP and relationship professionals were similar, but there were areas of contrast and variations in emphasis. Below, we discuss some of the key findings, drawing out implications for public health and education policy and practice.

YP and relationship professionals clearly recognised the importance of building relational capability. Relationship professionals emphasised the need for a developmental approach, which viewed relationships as requiring work rather than a more fatalistic view that relationships are either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and that their trajectory is determined accordingly. An emphasis in Relationship Education on managing expectations, stressing that ‘good’ relationships do not just happen, as the relationship professionals advocated, would possibly counteract the “Disneyfied” portrayal of relationships in the media that the YP recognised were unhelpful. While the relationship professionals stressed the need for flexibility, adaptability, commitment and resilience as critical to maintaining relationships over the life course, these skills were not at the forefront of the YP’s minds. In contrast, YP often presented dichotomous views of relationships, possibly reflecting similar dichotomies presented in discussions at school around sex education [ 21 ]. YP appeared to be attempting to categorise relationships, using this dichotomous framework as a starting point. However, they also expressed a need to be able to better assess the quality or direction of a relationship, in order to take action, such as ‘cutting off’ a bad relationship. This was something they viewed as being a skill they could learn in Relationship Education. In line with the evidence discussed in the introduction, YP themselves also perceived a clear link between relationships and mental health; some raised this in terms of the impact of relationship breakdown, but there was also recognition that early relationships could set up ‘unhealthy’ patterns of relating which could affect mental health later in life.

Both the YP and the relationship professionals felt that schools were an important setting for teaching and learning about relationships, particularly in terms of offering what was seen as an ‘unbiased’ perspective and a universal offer. However, many YP felt that the existing Relationship Education offer was too ‘clinical’ and were keen to focus more on relational aspects. This view has been previously expressed in other research with YP around sex education, and by Ofsted’s review of the curriculum [ 21 , 27 ]. Relationship professionals in our study called for a nuanced approach to Relationship Education that is skills-based and reflective of YP’s complex lived experiences [ 28 ]. The YP discussed the importance of building first on a strong ‘relationship with self’, which could be fostered through Relationship Education. Indeed, research suggests that self-compassion is associated with healthier romantic relationships [ 29 ] and many evaluations of Relationship Education programmes also measure ‘self-esteem’ as an outcome [ 30 , 31 , 32 , 33 ]. This chimed with the views of the relationship professionals who emphasised that ‘concern for the self’ was a prerequisite of being able to show concern for others. Related to this, the concept of building on previous knowledge and revisiting and reflecting on content as in a spiral curriculum [ 34 ] was also favoured by YP. For YP, the timing of the introduction of content around romantic relationships was more contested, with concerns over introducing pressure and expectations versus the risks of failing to address beliefs and norms until it was too late. The relationship professionals’ preference was to introduce age appropriate Relationship Education in primary schools.

Despite seeing benefits to Relationship Education, YP also identified limits due to its complexities and subjectivities, and some questioned whether this was a role for schools. This links to a broader debate about what education is for [ 35 ]. Several relationship professionals and YP interviewed highlighted the merits of trained external providers of RE. This resonates with Pound, Langford and Campbell [ 21 ] who found that YP want experts to teach them about sex and suggest that teachers should be specially trained and become a distinct group from other teachers. However, the DfE does not address these issues in its guidance [ 16 ].

Strengths and limitations

This study is the only research we are aware of that explores in tandem young people and relationship professionals’ perspectives on the ‘relationship’ aspects of RSE. The nature of our sample presents some limitations, as it is possible that the YP were the most articulate and had the strongest views on Relationship Education amongst their peers and the relationship professionals who chose to engage may have had particular perspectives on Relationship Education. In particular, schools may have acted as ‘gatekeepers’ in selecting YP with more positive views on Relationship Education, however, we observed a range of views and dissent from focus groups across all settings. The inclusion of community and youth group members from different backgrounds increases our confidence that we have been able to explore and present a range of perspectives; it is also clear that YP’s views were not homogenous, hence dissenting voices are reflected in the themes. It is unclear as to the effect of the online format of the later focus groups; inevitably discussions require a higher level of moderation and direction. However, participants appeared comfortable with the format, and online research with YP has been found to potentially enhance their autonomy and amplify marginalised voices [ 36 , 37 ]. The interview and focus group questions did not seek to explore or privilege relationship education from the perspective of any particular sexuality or identity. Researchers setting the scene were clear with YP that we wanted to explore how relationship education worked for all YP. However, whilst one young person alluded to needing to avoid ‘cookie cutter’ ideas of relationships within relationship education, and many participants used gender-neutral language or examples, we acknowledge that this research may be seen to feed into a heteronormative discourse which should be challenged and explored further in future work.

A purposive sampling strategy was used to recruit the relationship professionals. As selection of such a sample is subjective, purposive sampling is most appropriate for the selection of small samples, as here. Although, a limitation is that equally qualified relationship professionals, not known to the researchers by reputation, may have made different observations. There was a high degree of consensus across the sample.

Implications for policy and practice

This research is supportive of many aspects of curriculum guidance on Relationship Education. However, YP specifically highlighted areas that were priorities for them but are not explicitly addressed in the DfE’s RSE core content framework, such as managing relationship breakdowns, learning coping skills, and managing relationships through life course transitions. To engage YP in meaningful development and reflection during Relationship Education, the curriculum should reflect the content and skills that are relevant to them. Previous research has noted YP’s desire to be involved in future programme design [ 20 ], there was also support from the relationship professionals for Relationship Education to be co-created with YP, echoing the calls in the ‘Young People’s Manifesto’ [ 15 ].

Interestingly, YP and relationship professionals also wanted more of a focus on skills rather than knowledge. Professionals discussed the importance of providing opportunities for YP to observe and rehearse skills during lessons; and of engaging resources to support such learning. However, a recent survey of schools in England by Ipsos MORI and the PSHE Association [ 38 ] discusses the barriers faced in delivery of consistent and high quality Relationship Education, including knowledge, training and resources. Schools reported bringing in third sector organisations to deliver sessions and drawing on resources and lesson plans developed by organisations such as the PSHE Association ( https://www.pshe-association.org.uk/ ). Cole [ 28 ] found support for the view that there is a lack of teaching proficiency, knowledge and confidence in the delivery of Relationship Education and teachers themselves viewed it as a specialist topic ‘outside their remit’. Currently, the DfE leaves schools to choose their Relationship Education curriculum content to meet their pupil and community needs, but there is clearly a need for schools to be better supported to deliver a more consistent approach to Relationship Education. This should include appropriate access to specialist expertise and resources, and guidance on signposting YP to external sources of help as required. Relationship professionals in our interviews also highlighted that positive relationship behaviours can also be modelled and integrated throughout school curricula and reflected in a school’s ethos. This links with existing research on the importance and influence of different types of relationships in schools on children and YP’s well-being and mental health such as peer to peer relationships, and those between teachers and pupils [ 39 ].

Implications for research

This study raises a range of questions for exploration in future research, including the most effective ways to teach relationship skills, the best way to develop age-appropriate content, and how to integrate ‘relational health’ into a child’s journey through the education system. Available research is predominantly focussed on programmes developed to improve sexual health or reduce violence and abuse. Recent reviews by the authors [ 19 , 20 ] have found few programmes focussing on healthy relationships, with a limited evidence base. However, as above, surveys suggest that most English schools do not use formal ‘programmes’ in any case. One implication is that research efforts are best focussed on the co-development, evaluation and implementation of education resources which can be used flexibly and integrate into a health promoting curriculum. A range of stakeholders, should be involved in co-development and evaluation, including YP, teachers, governors, parents, and others in the wider community who support YP’s well-being, as well as relationship professionals such as counsellors and mediators. These stakeholders should reflect the diversity of young people’s sexualities and identities, to ensure that Relationship Education is inclusive and accessible, and does not perpetuate inequalities or marginalisation. Understanding their perspectives on content, delivery, barriers, facilitators and desired outcomes is also necessary to ensure that Relationship Education is acceptable and feasible.

This paper presents the perspectives of YP and relationship professionals on healthy Relationship Education and how it can better meet the needs of YP. Throughout the lifecourse, health comes about through relationships. Therefore, Relationship Education should form part of any approach to healthy publics [ 40 ] and is perhaps even more relevant in the light of the COVID-19 pandemic and the consequent societal impacts. Relationship building and Relationship Education should therefore be an integral aspect of a health-promoting school’s approach.

Availability of data and materials

The data that support the findings of this study are available on request from the corresponding author [SBC]. The data are not publicly available due to them containing information that could compromise research participant privacy/consent.

Relate, OnePlusOne, Tavistock Relationships, and Marriage Care.

Children and Social Work Act 2017, s 34(3)(a).

Henceforth education about relationships for 5 to 16-year-olds will be referred to as RE. This could include RE or RSE lessons as well as other direct and indirect forms of relationship education, including assemblies and aspects of the core curriculum.

Abbreviations

Relationship and Sex Education

Department of Education

Patient and Public Involvement

Healthy Relationship Education

Healthy Relationship Transitions

The name of the disease caused by the novel coronavirus SARS-CoV2

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Acknowledgements

We wish to acknowledge the time and contributions given to this research by the community and school leaders, the young people and the relationship professionals involved.

This study forms part of the Beacon ‘Transforming relationships and relationship transitions with and for the next generation’ research project (The ‘HeaRE’ and ‘HeaRT’ Project) funded by the Wellcome Centre for the Cultures and Environments of Health (grant reference 203109/Z/16/Z). The project is a partnership between the University of Exeter Law School, School of Medicine and Health and the Graduate School of Education.

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All authors helped with study design. TND and SBC conducted the YP focus groups, then coded and analysed the data. JE conducted the relationship professional interviews and then coded and analysed the data. SBC helped code the data. All authors interpreted the data and read and approved the final manuscript.

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Benham-Clarke, S., Ewing, J., Barlow, A. et al. Learning how relationships work: a thematic analysis of young people and relationship professionals’ perspectives on relationships and relationship education. BMC Public Health 22 , 2332 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-022-14802-5

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Classroom Q&A

With larry ferlazzo.

In this EdWeek blog, an experiment in knowledge-gathering, Ferlazzo will address readers’ questions on classroom management, ELL instruction, lesson planning, and other issues facing teachers. Send your questions to [email protected]. Read more from this blog.

Response: Why It’s Important to Build Positive Relationships With Students

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(This is the first post in a seven-part series)

The new question-of-the-week is:

What are the best ways to build relationships with students?

The research is clear that having positive relationships between students and teachers are critical to the learning process - and that reflects most teachers’ experience. I know, for example, that the best classroom management advice I ever read was from Marvin Marshall, who wrote that before we deal with any kind of discipline issue we should reflect on one thing: Will what we plan to do bring us closer together or push us apart? This question, of course, does not mean we have to shy away from hard discussions.

This topic will be covered in a seven-part series. With that many contributors, I don’t have much to add to the discussion. However, I would encourage readers to explore two resources:

Previous posts that have appeared here on this issue can be found at Relationships in Schools .

I’ve collected additional materials, including related research, at The Best Resources On The Importance of Building Positive Relationships With Students .

Part One in this series is kicked-off with responses from Adeyemi Stembridge, Candace Hines, Jacki Glasper, Mary Beth Nicklaus, Valentina Gonzalez, and Julie Jee. You can listen to a 10-minute conversation I had with Adeyemi, Candace, Jacki and Mary Beth on my BAM! Radio Show . You can find a list of, and links to, previous shows here.

Response From Adeyemi Stembridge

Adeyemi Stembridge, PhD provides technical assistance for school improvement with a specific focus on equity. He works with districts around the country to identify root causes of achievement gaps and formulate pedagogy- and policy-based efforts to redress the underperformance of vulnerable student populations. Follow him on Twitter at @DrYemiS:

Equity can’t be said to be possible without the element of connection, and the connection that students feel to teachers and school spaces is an enormously important factor in our efforts to close the racial-/ethnic and class-based performance and achievement gaps that persist in American schools. Relationships matter because when students see themselves as connected to the learning community, they are much more likely to engage and self-regulate appropriately (Caprariello and Reis, 2014) which, by extension, means that they are more likely to feel connected to the content and concepts taught in school. Positive relationships reduce defensiveness toward failure and play a pivotal role in whether students view school as responsive to their needs.

Positive relationships are also conduits to identity. Where one is in relationship, one is more likely to feel validated and affirmed through connections to the people in the spaces where these relationships occur. When one feels in connection to the people and spaces, one begins to identify with them in terms of values, ethic, and beliefs. Where one identifies in these ways, one develops a sense of identity themselves, cognitively and emotionally; and where one has a sense of identity, one is most willing to invest themselves, thus maximizing the likelihood for success. As such, the purpose of relationships with students is always a function of a higher cause -and that is ultimately to support each student’s authentic relationship with learning. Here I briefly describe three strategies that can be scaled developmentally and also in terms of content.

Strategies to Support Relationships

Beyond merely helping students to improve in the mechanics and conventions of writing, one-to-one and small group Student Conferencing is a profound space for supporting students in finding their voice. To see oneself as a writer is liberating, and the coaching students receive in Student Conferencing can lead to insights that confirm the value of the students’ investment in their own growth. The most important thing to remember here is to not try to cover an entire piece in any one conference. Rather, focus in on some paragraph or even a sentence that the student agrees is especially significant in the overall purpose of the piece. Conferencing is less about mechanics and more about meaning. A favorite question of mine to ask in conferencing is: “What do you most want your reader to understand?” And then, “What is a key word(s) (or sentence) that we can build around to best communicate that most-important understanding?”

Reflection is an essential component of relationships because it is in the replaying of experiences that we arrive at shared understandings of the significance of our feelings. When students learn to effectively communicate what they are feeling, they gain an agency in their own learning that heightens their sense of academic identity. Their sense of agency makes it clearer how their choices contribute to their learning outcomes. I love these 40 Reflection Questions because they are categorized as backward-looking, forward-looking, inward looking, and outward looking. I’ve found that some of the richest reflections are uncovered through the use of video. There are several platforms that allow students to upload short reflection videos and share them with their teachers and other students. Many authentic relationships are forged when students have the opportunity to share with their teachers specifically what they were thinking and how they were able to leverage their agency in the interests of their learning; and a palpable sense of community is formed through opportunities to learn together, struggle together, and reflect together.

Assessments can also be fantastic opportunities to build relationships. The “Interview You” assessment asks students to document themselves - either in writing or on screen - asking and answering questions about what they have come to understand in the learning process. Both the design of the questions as well as the responses students provide are an exercise in critical thinking. The “Interview You” technique is a fun way to highlight students’ voice while determining the breadth and depth of their understandings.

With each of these strategies, it is essential to find an opportunity to coordinate a safe space where the teacher and student can think carefully together about the text(s) the student is creating. The best ways to build relationships are through efforts that convey a trustworthy sense of connection and understanding. When students feel validated in caring environments, they are better managers of their own engagement (behavioral, affective, and cognitive) and much more invested in their academic identities. These are necessary to support resilience and the behaviors associated with high performance in school.

References:

Reis, H. T. (2014). Responsiveness: Affective interdependence in close relationships. In M. Mikulincer & P. R. Shaver (Eds.), Nature and development of social connections: From brain to group (pp. 255-271). Washington, D. C.: APA Press.

Response From Candace Hines

Candace Hines is an Elementary Educator and a Regional Presenter, training teachers across various districts in Tennessee. She also serves as a Collaborative for Student Success - Teacher Champion Fellow, and a Hope Street GroupTennessee Teacher Fellow ; engaging her colleagues in providing classroom feedback to the Tennessee Department of Education on public education policy issues:

4 Quick Tips for Building Positive Relationships with Students

Do we focus enough on teaching new teachers about relationships with students or just instruction? Education specialist, James Comer said, “No significant learning occurs without a significant relationship” (lecture, 1995). Staying up late to review curriculum and craft lessons, and then arriving at school early to set up is an equation that can sometimes equal investing less time into strategically fostering quality relationships with students. Consider these tips for improving connections and building positive relationships with students:

1. Freely make mistakes

“It’s okay, grownups make mistakes, too”. I will never forget staring into the shocked face of a Kindergartner and hearing her shaky voice reply, “They do?” Almost every student perked up in anticipation of my response. I was appalled by the number of students that were unaware that adults could be wrong. What we fail to consider is that always appearing to be perfect can be detrimental to our young learners. If our students never see us make mistakes; gracefully remaining flexible, they could develop an unhealthy view of success. They may also struggle with self-perception and constructive criticism.

2. Listen with your heart

Wow, I’ve been wondering what was going on with them! How did you get them to tell you that? These are statements that over the years, regardless of the setting, I have heard from inquiring adults. From parents, to counselors, to my fellow educators, I am often asked how I do it. I know I am not the only adult that knows what it’s like to have children randomly open up to you. However, because it has frequently occurred, I have had to ask myself why. After pondering my encounters, I realize that they all have one thing in common. Listening. No matter what is happening - lunch, recess, bus rides, dismissal, restroom breaks - I listen to my students with compassion.The dynamic between my students and I is one based on mutual trust, which helps me reach and teach them.

3. Foster intentional connections

I am very fortunate to have experience teaching in diverse learning environments. No matter the student, each one benefits from having positive relationships with educators and vice versa. Some may say that forming relationships should be organic. I beg to differ. It has been my experience that cultivating relationships should be intentional. As a tool, Trauma Informed PBS suggests that as educators we develop the 3-2-1 formula as a relationship building strategy. To implement this strategy, we must: Find out 3 things about the student, 2 interesting or unique things about the student and 1 question you still have about them.

4. Cultivate meaningful greetings

On the last day of school I was told by the parent of my most challenging student that she appreciated that I always verbalized and practiced, “Every day is a new day”. I intentionally greet my students with open arms and a smile each day. When necessary, before students enter the room, I mention to them that no matter what they have done, the previous day is over and “today” is a new start. I was pleasurably surprised when I read Dr. Justin Tarte explaining that his “most memorable teachers took the time to chat ... and gave him a clean slate the next day”. This warms my heart and inspires me to continue this practice. When speaking on this issue, fellow educator, Adam Faulkner believes that “Grace cultivates growth, it goes a long way in building trust between the student and teacher”.

Response From Jacki Glasper

Jacki Glasper has a 14-year background in education and has spent the majority of that time in the special education field. She has worked in all grade levels and has a passion for inclusive education that provides equitable outcomes for students. She has a Masters of Arts in Education and is currently a training specialist for Social & Emotional Learning in the Sacramento City Unified School District:

Culturally Responsive Ways to Build Relationships with Students

Relationships are the precursor to learning. It is something that I have believed since I began teaching 14 years ago. Initially, I developed relationships with students as part of my classroom management so that students would behave and allow me to teach.

As I grew as an educator, I realized that when my students liked and trusted me, they pushed themselves in their learning. In studying the pedagogy of culturally responsive teaching, I have learned that relationships have a direct impact on the brain and that without them learning can be difficult - especially for students that do not represent the dominant culture. By building relationships with students, we can leverage oxytocin in their brains to help them get into a relaxed and receptive state. This helps students access their prefrontal cortex and do higher order thinking and learning. Below are a few ways that you can be intentionally culturally responsive while developing relationships with students:

Be Reflective of Your Mindset . Mindset is deeply influenced by our own cultural upbringings and directly impacts the engagement and learning of students because it influences the relationships that we are able to build with students. Reflect on how your cultural upbringing and experiences have influenced the way that you have designed your classroom and the expectations that you have set for students of varying cultural backgrounds. What was the neighborhood like that you grew up in? How did you feel growing up there? Do your instructional practices reflect your own cultural upbringing and make you feel safe or do they reflect your students and make them feel safe? What types of behaviors trigger you to have negative or positive responses?

• Make is Social. By organizing learning so that students rely on each other, we not only help to develop and maintain a safe and trusting learning environment, but we also build on diverse students’ communal orientation. The brain is a social organ that works and learns best when it has the opportunity to connect and interact with others. Creating social interactions in learning increases a student’s level of attention and engagement. Learning can be made more social by playing games or having community circles. Another great strategy is the 30/10/90 Process and Connect strategy - every 30 minutes, create opportunities for students to move at least 10 feet, and take 90 seconds to verbally process the learning with a peer.

James Comer could not have said it better when he said, “No significant learning occurs without a significant relationship.” Building relationships is as important, if not more important, than the content that we teach. We should not underestimate the power of relationships in education.

Much of the inspiration for this article comes from Zaretta Hammond’s book, Culturally Responsive Teaching and the Brain.

Response From Mary Beth Nicklaus

Mary Beth Nicklaus enjoys inspiring vulnerable teens to become enthusiastic life-long readers, writers and learners. She is currently a secondary level school teacher and literacy specialist with Wisconsin Rapids Public Schools in Wisconsin Rapids, Wisconsin:

Relationships with students occur inside and outside of your classroom. They grow from planned moments where you are engaged with your students in projects and activities. They blossom when you are observing and making mental notes of what is important to individual students and using it later to connect with them. Building relationships opens pathways to learning in our classroom mainly because it strengthens levels of trust.

Here are four ways to invest in student relationships:

1. Begin before students even get through the door. Stationing yourself outside the room instead of at the doorway creates all kinds of opportunities for interactions. You can observe students’ social lives as they navigate the halls and you can learn who their friends are and what they’re about in their social circles. Learning who students’ friends are and acknowledging their friends can be powerful. Greeting them as they pass your room to go to other classes or conversing with them as they are coming into your class is yet another deposit in the relationship account.

2. Consider using conferencing in your classroom. Use this as a time to ask students questions regarding how they feel about their progress in your class. Check in on how they are doing with their projects or assignments. Ask them about themselves and their opinions and record their answers. Take inventory on the different ways you can use one on one with students throughout the month in order to strengthen the teacher/student bond.

3. Create contact outside of the classroom. During one of your lunch periods, or lunch duty, greet or compliment students in front of their friends in the cafeteria. (Be sensitive about those who may be embarrassed by the attention.) Attend games or band, choral, or drama performances. If you can’t attend pay attention to the announcements or ask about scores and other information that you may be able to comment on during class. Show students you are interested in their lives outside of the classroom.

4. Read or tell stories. Students love to hear that you are a real live person outside of the classroom. They like to hear stories about your children, spouse or pets and other interests. They even like to hear about the meals you make for supper. They especially enjoy it if you ask them to talk or write about a time when... Reading stories or pieces of articles relevant to what you are teaching can have a similar effect in building students’ relationships with you.

Remember that every time you show students you like them and care about them, you foster communication and self-efficacy in their lives in and out of your classroom. Students will also form stronger relationships with each other. As they feel strengthened and respected in your interactions with them, they are likely to grow in respect for their peers, as well. A classroom where students care about each other is fertile ground for learning in all areas.

Response From Valentina Gonzalez

Valentina Gonzalez is currently a Professional Development Specialist for ELLs in Texas. She works with teachers of English learners to support language and literacy instruction. In addition to presenting, she writes a monthly blog for MiddleWeb focused on supporting ELs. She can be reached through her website elementaryenglishlanguagelearners.weebly.com or on Twitter @ValentinaESL :

Relationships are the cornerstone of all that we do with the people we interact with. The relationship we have with one another can make or break the outcome we are trying to reach. If our goal is to take our students from where they are academically and grow them at least a year, then the relationship we have with each one of them plays a critical role in the outcome of that reality. Will we be able to achieve success? Will they grow?

If we want success, investing in a relationship will have to come first. And it’s not hard, it just takes effort.

Getting to know each student individually as a person helps more than we will ever be able to measure. This type of knowledge of our students goes beyond the permanent record folder. When kids know that we are interested in them as people, they begin to care about the work that we do in school. There are a few specific times during the school day that are conducive to one on one student to teacher conversation.

• Greet students at the door

One way very easy and simple way to show we care is by greeting students at the door. This time together is super important because it sets the tone for the class period. A smile and, “Hello, how are you?” goes a long way. Kind eyes and, “Are you okay?” can mean a lot to a child who’s had a rough morning. For some of our kids, our classrooms and schools are the happiest places or safest places they come to each day. We don’t know what they are carrying in with them from the morning, but we do know that our first contact with them as they walk in can change the trajectory of the day. Saying their name, making a positive comment to them, greeting them at the door and acknowledging their presence can be the catalyst that changes the way they perceive the instruction for the remainder of the class period.

• Know their name

Names are part of our identity. Taking the time to know how our students want to be called and pronouncing names correctly let’s students know that we value their identity. That may mean asking students what their name is and asking them multiple times how to pronounce it. I like to write the pronunciation next to their name on my roll call that way I can practice saying it correctly. I tell students in advance that I’m learning, so please tell me if I say it wrong. I never want a student to feel like they have to change their name for my sake. Their name was given to them by their parents and has meaning. I work hard to value that.

• Build a community

One of the most basic needs is to feel valued and a part of something. Students want to feel like they are part of the classroom community. Creating a safe environment that fosters individuality while at the same time building a cohesive community is key to the success of an academically rich classroom. When students feel valued for who they are but also feel included as part of the group, greater gains are made in growth and learning. Some teachers have achieved this by including students in creating the “rules” for the classroom, having daily or weekly class meetings, practicing daily teacher lead read alouds, and grouping seating so that students are not in rows.

• Confer with students

Another perfect opportunity to build relationships with students one on one is when kids are reading, writing or working independently. This actually kills two birds with one stone. We build relationships and we can support the content instruction. Conferring with students can send students the message that we care about them, their success and growth, and that we won’t give up on them. While conferring I’ve found that it’s best to listen more than I talk. I ask open ended questions and not just academic but also related to their personal lives. This is when I find out about their passions, goals, family lives and much more.

At the beginning of the year, conferences with students are very casual. Sitting down beside each student while the others are reading or writing and just holding a conversation. Each conversation is different. I might need to ask a student how they would like to be called or how to pronounce their name. With other students, I may want to learn more about their hobbies or what their day looks like when they leave school. As the year progresses, the conferences become more and more academically inclined.

This time together solidifies our relationship and builds a common goal towards achievement, growth and success for each student. It’s a quick. Sometimes only five minutes per child, but it’s powerful.

• Watch your nonverbals

Often times it’s what we aren’t saying or our body language that speaks volumes to our students. They pick up on a lot more than we think. They crave our presence and attention and they deserve it. A smile and eye contact go a long way. A listening ear and a nod can change a heart.

If they think for a minute that we don’t value their time, they won’t value ours. This is even more true as kids get older in secondary school. Teaching is hard work. But it’s important work and our kids deserve the best. That’s why we do this, right?

Building relationships with students takes time and effort and can happen anywhere! Even in the halls of the building or at recess and lunch break. These time frames are usually more casual and allow for a lower anxiety atmosphere for students. We can use these opportunities to walk around and visit with our students. If they only see us as hallway monitors, disciplinarians, and lecturers, they will not be able to achieve maximum learning potential. It’s just not possible. We have to create an environment where they feel comfortable enough to take risks, spread their creative thoughts, and want to learn. In my mind I see this like a garden. If we provide the rich soil, enough sun light, bountiful water, and plenty of space, our plants and flowers will grow to maximum capacities. But if we forget to add the nutrients, the environment is too dark, it lacks water, and we crowd them then we could stifle their growth.

Response From Julie Jee

Julie Jee has been an English teacher at Arlington High School since 2001. She teaches 12 AP English Literature and Composition and sophomore English at the Regents level. Julie loves to read, run, take photos and spend time with her husband and three children:

Whether it’s through having conversations about sports, reflecting their identities in the literature they read, or starting discussions about future goals and dreams, getting to know your students and having ongoing dialogues with them is so important. Students care about many things, but they don’t often have the opportunity to share. Shifting the focus to students is vital. That builds community. Each student feels noticed. Think about what makes you, you. Personally, I see myself as a teacher, but also as a mother, a wife, a runner, a photographer, a reader and so much more. They live rich lives outside of your classroom. Bring that into your classroom.

In the beginning of the school year, I give my students a survey. Some of the questions are pretty basic, like asking about favorite books or TV shows. Some questions are more personal (Who are your heroes in real life?). The Proust Questionnaire has some great examples. It’s long, but I often ask my students to choose 5-10 questions and answer them at length. Their responses provide a foundation for me to build upon. The student who loves theater might also be a huge Marvel fan. Another student might be experimenting with different artistic mediums. You never know until you give them the opportunity to share.

Acknowledging the reality that adolescence is a stressful time also builds trust. I give my students opportunities to decompress throughout the year. I give my students stress balls and I ask them to write me short notes about how they’re feeling if I notice that they seem overwhelmed or preoccupied. The notes don’t have to be long. Sometimes they take only a minute or two to write. I’ll give them half an index card and ask them to tell me what’s on their mind. They are often stressed out throughout the school year, so small acts of kindness go a long way.

Thanks to Adeyemi, Candace, Jacki, Mary Beth, Valentina, and Julie for their contributions.

Please feel free to leave a comment with your reactions to the topic or directly to anything that has been said in this post.

Consider contributing a question to be answered in a future post. You can send one to me at [email protected] . When you send it in, let me know if I can use your real name if it’s selected or if you’d prefer remaining anonymous and have a pseudonym in mind.

You can also contact me on Twitter at @Larryferlazzo .

Education Week has published a collection of posts from this blog, along with new material, in an e-book form. It’s titled Classroom Management Q&As: Expert Strategies for Teaching .

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